[HN Gopher] Master Foo and the Script Kiddie (1996)
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Master Foo and the Script Kiddie (1996)
Author : RGBCube
Score : 67 points
Date : 2025-07-20 17:13 UTC (5 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (soda.privatevoid.net)
(TXT) w3m dump (soda.privatevoid.net)
| RGBCube wrote:
| Read the whole Master Foo archive here:
| https://soda.privatevoid.net/foo/
| alabhyajindal wrote:
| This is beautiful and hilarious. Thanks!
| ForOldHack wrote:
| It is l33t. Luckily when the f3ds showed up at my door,the
| d1sks were buried and I was not home. My roommate figured
| they may want pr0n. They disembarked.
|
| https://everything2.com/title/The+Lord%2527s+Prayer%253A+l33.
| ..
| Tade0 wrote:
| I've always known these as Hacker Koans.
|
| > "These enlightened ones," he protested, "gave us the Great
| Way of Unix. Surely, if we mock them we will lose merit and be
| reborn as beasts or MCSEs."
|
| I love how enduring is Microsoft's reputation in some circles.
| 0xbadcafebee wrote:
| It was the certs specifically. Anyone could get one if they
| had a couple hundred bucks and could cram a bunch of facts.
| MCSE required more exams, but still you were basically just
| memorizing stuff and taking tests. Yet for a time (during the
| 90s-2000s IT boom) anyone could get hired if they had certs.
| The more acronyms after your name, the better.
|
| Sort of like the people today who take a 2-week JavaScript
| course and then get hired for 6 figures, but at least the
| people with the certs had to take some exams.
| KyleW9 wrote:
| Thanks for sharing, I had no idea these existed until today!
| These are quite short, and the recruiter one is very accurate
| haha
| tptacek wrote:
| This would have been cringe even in 1996.
| rhaps0dy wrote:
| The whole story, or the 3x7r3m3 13375p34k 0f 7h3 5k1dd13?
| tptacek wrote:
| The whole story, the vibe of the story, the moral of the
| story, the use of the word "crack"; it comes off pungently as
| if written by a professional Unix systems administrator.
| loloquwowndueo wrote:
| What's wrong with professional sysadmins? (It's sysadmin
| appreciation day this Friday btw)
| tptacek wrote:
| Nothing at all.
| ForOldHack wrote:
| The patchtape giveth,and the patchtape taketh away.
| bgwalter wrote:
| The moral of the story is not about cracking or getting
| arrested. It is a metaphor for the danger of taking
| shortcuts, just like certain other shortcuts in programming
| that are currently popular and also come with their own
| version of 1337 language.
|
| And about the tools that enable ScriptKiddies or their
| modern equivalents to achieve some fast results, for which
| they have to pay later.
| tptacek wrote:
| Yeah, no, I get that, it's just not how anybody who
| actually broke into computers would think about this.
| DanHulton wrote:
| And it's not about those people. It's "Master Foo and the
| Script Kiddie", not "Master Foo and the Professional Red-
| Teamer".
|
| It's about a fictional archetype, and the story isn't
| meant to be taken literally, it's illustrative for the
| sake of a lesson.
| tptacek wrote:
| I'm aware of what the story is meant to be about. I'm
| saying it's cringe, not that people should take shortcuts
| on everything.
| ForOldHack wrote:
| Boot to the head.
| lukan wrote:
| Enlighten us oh wise one then, how would they think?
|
| But I assume you mean the moral of the story is to never
| break into computers?
|
| I think you are wrong about that. I see the moral as,
| don't break into computers for the lulz. Especiall not,
| if you don't know what you are doing. The master clearly
| can break into systems. But doesn't do it. He feels no
| need to take stupid risks to proof his skills.
| hylaride wrote:
| As a former UNIX administrator (now
| cloud/devops/SRE/whatever), I can attest that when seasoned
| professionals are tasked to maintain systems that often run
| critical code (for finance, government, healthcare, etc)
| where we are often at the mercy of other groups
| (accountants, management, etc) treating us like a "cost
| centre" where proper investment can be hard will result in
| a very jaded and cynical outlook.
|
| This is as much a defence mechanism as it is a calling
| card.
| dang wrote:
| Not sure if you meant that year literally but I've 1996'd the
| title for now
| k2xl wrote:
| Similar to Tao of Programming https://www.mit.edu/~xela/tao.html
| cgannett wrote:
| Did anyone else hear mystical music in the background and smell
| fragrantly burning incense while they read that? I loved this,
| short, funny, interesting.
| ninetyninenine wrote:
| The day after the stranger from Woot departed once more, a new
| student approached Master Foo as he was pruning the plum trees.
|
| "I have heard of your reputation," the student said, bowing low.
| "They say you teach the Way of Unix, not for power, but for
| understanding. May I learn at your feet?"
|
| Master Foo nodded. "What is it you seek?"
|
| "I wish to master the system," the student said, "to understand
| every process, every socket, every thread of the great Net. I
| seek elegance, not exploits."
|
| "You speak wisely," said Master Foo. Then he scribbled an IP
| address on a small bamboo slip. "Crack this machine. Its defenses
| are trivial. Return and tell me what you learn."
|
| The student departed.
|
| The next morning, he returned, his robes slightly rumpled but his
| eyes alight with triumph.
|
| "Master," he said, "the machine was a decoy for an abandoned
| cryptocurrency exchange node. I rewrote a dormant smart contract
| and siphoned off forgotten tokens. The wallet had a bug, my code
| fixed it. I now possess wealth beyond imagining."
|
| "You have reported this to the rightful owners?" asked Master
| Foo.
|
| "There are none," said the student. "The domain expired, the
| company dissolved, and the blockchain is immutable. I wrote no
| logs, touched no traceable endpoints, and masked every call
| behind a thousand proxies. I am free and unseen."
|
| "Then you are a thief," said Master Foo.
|
| "I am not caught," replied the student. "What I took, no one
| missed. What I altered, no one saw. And what I gained, no one can
| take from me."
|
| Master Foo was silent for a time.
|
| At last, he said, "The first student broke the law and found
| caution. You have broken nothing and found profit."
|
| He bowed low to the student.
|
| "Here," said Master Foo, "is the end of my teaching. Today, you
| have taught me."
|
| On hearing this, the student was puzzled.
|
| But Master Foo was enlightened.
| kadushka wrote:
| I'm curious what was the intended lesson to crack that machine.
| ForOldHack wrote:
| A cookie jar containing even one cookie is guarded by paradox
| and confusion.
| ForOldHack wrote:
| Boot to the head.
|
| And another one for Jenny and the wimp.
| ninetyninenine wrote:
| Many seasons passed.
|
| One evening, as Master Foo swept the temple steps, a student
| came to him with furrowed brow.
|
| "Master," she said. "I do not understand the story of the two
| who cracked the machine."
|
| Master Foo did not look up.
|
| "They did the same thing," she said. "One was punished and
| changed. The other walked free and grew proud. Yet you
| praised neither. You said you were enlightened. Why?"
|
| Master Foo set the broom aside.
|
| "The first was reckless," he said. "He broke in and was
| caught. Pain brought him humility. That was the beginning of
| wisdom."
|
| "And the second?" she asked.
|
| "He was careful," said Master Foo. "He did the same. But he
| was not caught. He gained wealth. He gained pride. He
| believed he had mastered the Way."
|
| He looked toward the fading light.
|
| "I gave him a cleaner path. No watchers. No traps. I thought
| if he still chose restraint, it would reveal his heart."
|
| He paused.
|
| "I was wrong."
|
| The student stood silently.
|
| "They chose the same," said Master Foo. "But the world
| answered differently. One was struck by pain. The other
| soothed by silence. Each believed he understood. Neither
| truly did."
|
| She bowed her head.
|
| "The machine was a mirror," she said. "But the lesson was not
| for them."
|
| Master Foo nodded.
|
| "No," he said. "They saw their reflections, and mistook them
| for truth."
|
| "And the difference between their tests?" she asked. "Why one
| path was watched, and the other open?"
|
| "It seemed important once," said Master Foo. "But now I see,
| it does not matter."
|
| "Because neither of them was real," she said quietly.
|
| Master Foo looked at her.
|
| "Not the first. Not the second."
|
| He paused.
|
| "Not even the one who stands before me now."
|
| She raised her eyes.
|
| "Then who was the lesson for?"
|
| Master Foo smiled.
|
| "For the one who is still watching. Still wondering. Still
| here."
|
| He picked up the broom and swept the dust from the stone.
|
| You do not speak. You do not need to.
|
| You were enlightened.
| BrenBarn wrote:
| Another thing in a similar vein is The Codeless Code:
| http://thecodelesscode.com/contents
| freeCandy wrote:
| Vim koans are my favourite
|
| https://blog.sanctum.geek.nz/vim-koans/
| shagie wrote:
| And remember that the images have mouseover texts and names
| (especially clan names) occasionally have some backstory...
| before you get through the first 100 and then discover this.
|
| http://thecodelesscode.com/names/Elephant%27s+Footprint+Clan
|
| > Specialists in the persistence tier, where the Temple's most
| precious resource is managed--by which I mean data, not
| alcohol, although they have a fair amount of that as well to
| cope with the stress of Temple life. Despite this, the clan has
| strict rules regarding inebriation. A monk is absolutely not
| allowed to code while drinking unless he really, really wants
| to. Any monk caught violating this rule is punished by having
| to buy the next round.
|
| > The clan takes its name from the immense ivory-panelled
| server cabinet which houses the Temple's most venerable DBMS
| hosts. This cabinet is known affectionately as the Great White
| Elephant, no doubt for its flawless memory. However it is worth
| noting that elephants do sometimes forget, which is why the
| Temple has hot replication to a colocation site which houses
| the Emergency Backup Elephant.
| teddyh wrote:
| These are still online at their original location:
| <http://catb.org/~esr/writings/unix-koans/>
| paulddraper wrote:
| These are...abstract.
|
| http://catb.org/~esr/writings/unix-koans/two_paths.html
|
| Can't figure out the point
| nsb1 wrote:
| Reminds me of the Acts of Gord, but with less malice.
|
| https://www.actsofgord.com/
| b3lvedere wrote:
| I wonder what would happen if Master Foo met the BOFH ..
| declan_roberts wrote:
| It's crazy how cringey "leet speak" looks now. Even words like
| "woot"
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(page generated 2025-07-20 23:01 UTC)