[HN Gopher] I built something that changed my friend group's soc...
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric
        
       Author : dandano
       Score  : 484 points
       Date   : 2025-06-28 11:49 UTC (3 days ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (blog.danpetrolito.xyz)
 (TXT) w3m dump (blog.danpetrolito.xyz)
        
       | dangus wrote:
       | Do you have a link to the bot?
        
         | dandano wrote:
         | I don't sorry - I could clean up the repo and make it public.
         | But if you follow the discord py tutorials it's very simple to
         | implement.
        
         | xyst wrote:
         | It's literally in the post, m8.
         | 
         | Perhaps read it, use one of the many discord wrapper apis, and
         | replicate it. He just hooks into one of the many events discord
         | emits and bot sends a message.
         | 
         | Even one of the LLMs can very easily vibe code this...
        
       | taraindara wrote:
       | This was a fun read. Being experienced in various methods of self
       | hosting, it was cool to learn of coolify. Seeing more people get
       | into self hosting always makes me happy.
        
         | udev4096 wrote:
         | What? This has nothing to do with it. If author was interested
         | in self-hosting, he would have used mumble or something instead
         | of signal/discord
        
       | dnrvs wrote:
       | i built the same thing (though only the notifier, not all the
       | stat tracking) for my friend group back in 2017 when PUBG came
       | out and we were trying to play together as often as we could. can
       | confirm it worked great.
       | 
       | i eventually moved the bot to glitch.com (rip) where we could
       | collaborate on it and it evolved into a monster of in jokes and
       | utilities. it's going offline this week unless i can find the
       | time to migrate it off glitch
        
       | mordae wrote:
       | Watch Years and Years (2019).
        
       | Aachen wrote:
       | s/something/a Discord bot/ to unclickbait the title..
        
         | tetris11 wrote:
         | genuinely unbelievable that the story is so highly voted with
         | such a vague title
        
           | timerol wrote:
           | The clickbait makes you click, and the story is about a cool
           | hack, so you upvote. I don't see how this is unbelievable
        
             | tetris11 wrote:
             | hn readers aren't usually so easily baited
        
               | udev4096 wrote:
               | normies are online! let them fade, along with the post
        
               | Night_Thastus wrote:
               | Yes, they absolutely are. HN is not as niche as it used
               | to be, and clickbait works on everyone.
        
         | codingdave wrote:
         | I completely disagree. The point is the impact it has on lives,
         | not the tools used to build it. I would enjoy it if more people
         | focused their writing on the impact their work has on people,
         | and less on the tools and processes used. Or at the very least,
         | clearly delineate the build from the impact.
        
           | deltarholamda wrote:
           | I see where you're coming from, but I like the way the story
           | is formatted.
           | 
           | There's plenty to doom and gloom about with the state of tech
           | right now, but this is a good reminder that sometimes even
           | Big Internet tools, with a little ingenuity, can sometimes be
           | repurposed to serve the users and not some corporation's
           | bottom line.
           | 
           | It's kind of a throwback to the olden days where you might
           | stand up an IRC server or something similar just for your
           | friend group. I like seeing people returning to the small
           | internet where it serves as a substrate for real people doing
           | real things.
        
             | codingdave wrote:
             | It sounds like we agree. I wasn't dissing the article - I
             | was saying that I like this article's writing and want to
             | see more of it, and that I appreciated the title _not_
             | being about the tech stack.
        
       | aCodeCrafter wrote:
       | This is really interesting as a way to keep people connected on a
       | regular basis. I wonder if something similar could be done for
       | groups who aren't necessarily into gaming: like say a "virtual
       | fireplace" where folks could just pop into a call and talk
        
         | mebizzle wrote:
         | Discord is already like that for a lot of niche communities and
         | fandoms that aren't necessarily gaming; it just all evolved on
         | a gaming-focused platform.
        
       | donatj wrote:
       | Mildly reminds me how being online on AIM or ICQ was an actual
       | invitation to chat. I had so many interesting conversations with
       | people I barely knew.
       | 
       | There's no source of that signal that someone is open to chitchat
       | these days, and it's in my opinion kind of killed what was once
       | great about online communication.
        
         | ljlolel wrote:
         | You can on Hangout.fm since it's about live music
        
         | kqr wrote:
         | Huh, coming from an IRC and email background I have the
         | opposite reaction. Rather than having to wait until someone is
         | online it is much nicer to just type to them and they'll
         | respond once they can. Everyone is open all the time!
        
           | al_borland wrote:
           | Some people used AIM like this as well, at least I did. I
           | left my computer on all the time, so I was always online.
           | 
           | I was in college during the peak of AIM and it was useful to
           | know who was at their computer or not, which I believe was
           | still viable. Around meal times, we could quickly scan for
           | who was around to see if they wanted to head down to the
           | cafeteria. If they weren't around, there was no point it
           | asking. For time sensitive messages, online status matters.
        
             | thesuitonym wrote:
             | AIM also had useful states. If you were away for a decent
             | chunk of time (And you could configure what that amount of
             | time was!) it would mark you as idle, and you could set
             | custom away messages (That were actually visible) so folks
             | could know why you were away, or more realistically, what
             | song was on your mind.
             | 
             | Nowadays the status is completely meaningless. It's a small
             | dot that doesn't accurately reflect your status, and if you
             | choose to set a message, most of the apps hide it anyway.
        
         | dkersten wrote:
         | I remember the early days of Skype and Google talk, calling
         | random strangers and... actually having a conversation with
         | them. I remember they were always confused and surprised to get
         | a random call from a stranger, but were almost always happy to
         | chat anyway!
        
           | donatj wrote:
           | I've used the username "donatj" basically everywhere since
           | the late 1990s with just a couple exceptions.
           | 
           | Dude beat me to it on Skype, I called him just out of the
           | blue and had a nice conversation with him, lived in Denmark
           | as I recall. Really friendly guy. I can't imagine doing that
           | now though, let alone the person on the other end actually
           | picking up.
        
           | IAmBroom wrote:
           | Sounds exactly like ham radio operators.
        
             | jedimastert wrote:
             | Wait hold on, I think you're genuinely onto something here.
        
         | bartread wrote:
         | Yeah, and the channels that are available... well, here's an
         | example. I'm a member of a couple of professional WhatsApp
         | groups... both of which are so notification heavy that I've
         | permanently muted them, and therefore never visit and as a
         | result derive no benefit from. And, at least for me, there's
         | something about WhatsApp that makes it unamenable to the kind
         | of dip in and out interaction you used to get with IM services.
         | I want to be there when I'm there and not disturbed when I'm
         | not.
        
           | BeFlatXIII wrote:
           | That's the problem with phone apps. They either spam you with
           | notifications or you forget to open them. Desktop IRC clients
           | were more available for passive checking whenever you glanced
           | at the window, but out of the way otherwise.
        
             | nottorp wrote:
             | You can treat whatsapp as an irc client, it's all in your
             | head :)
             | 
             | I have multiple friend groups on whatsapp - i just check
             | them once in a while to see if anything interesting was
             | posted. All the chat apps I'm on are muted and the mute is
             | muted again to make sure.
        
               | ryandrake wrote:
               | Yes, If you purposely turn off all notifications on your
               | phone, and/or live on DND mode 24/7, you quickly learn to
               | adapt to this world where using the internet is a
               | deliberate action. Sanity sets in: you are deciding when
               | to use your phone or computer, not an algorithm, or other
               | people. You're back in the driver's seat, like it's 2002
               | again! It's very freeing.
        
               | nottorp wrote:
               | In 2002 i was still turning icq notifications off i think
               | :)
        
         | shark1 wrote:
         | I have a theory: what was scarce once, is not anymore.
         | 
         | Social networks make people tired/satisfied/overwhelmed of
         | "interacting online", and in the worst possible way: passively,
         | not producing anything and just consuming it.
         | 
         | It sucks.
        
           | 1980phipsi wrote:
           | Also that a bunch of the time you're contacted by a random
           | online it eventually leads to them trying to get your credit
           | card info.
        
             | LtWorf wrote:
             | Lol, I got contacted by a stranger and even after like a
             | year of occasional contact I was waiting for the scam to
             | trigger :D
        
             | ryandrake wrote:
             | True in real life, too. Whenever someone random comes up to
             | me and tries to engage in a conversation, my guard goes up
             | because 9 times out of 10, they are trying to sell me
             | something or scam me. I can't imagine what it's like to be
             | a woman, where your "safety" alarms are also sounding.
             | 
             | Spontaneous, innocent chit chat is dead, both online and
             | offline because everyone's hustling now.
        
               | albumen wrote:
               | Counter example: yesterday I took the train and ferry
               | from london to dublin. Trains are a great way to meet new
               | people, especially if you're sitting facing each other.
               | Person opposite me was interested in the maths book my
               | son was reading. Turns out he's an interrailing applied
               | maths student from Scandinavia. We had a great chat for
               | hours and exchanged numbers. My faith in humanity is not
               | dead yet.
        
           | conductr wrote:
           | The "satisfied" part is the most harmful imo. This is what
           | causes lack of actual social interaction and real
           | friendships. Loneliness is on the rise as friendships are on
           | a decline, this is a byproduct of social media gratification
           | 
           | The other more obviously negative components
           | tired/overwhelmed are more of a hangover effect people have
           | after over indulgence. But they're addicted so ultimately
           | always go back for more (most people).
           | 
           | It's weird for me to witness as I never indulged in social
           | media and could always see it for what it is. I watched my
           | wife use and just classified it as a huge waste of time (and
           | had some not so fun, "get off your phone" conversations along
           | the way). Some people are finally coming around to it but a
           | lot of damage has been done and a lot of social fabric has
           | eroded.
        
             | nvesp wrote:
             | I'm not sure the tired/overwhelmed hangover effect is
             | necessarily from social media. I like to think most of my
             | time spent on the internet is productive,reading
             | documentation and cs articles/papers for the most part and
             | i still get that hangover feeling.
        
               | conductr wrote:
               | That's mental fatigue from learning and being engaged on
               | a topic for a duration. Maybe some additional from screen
               | time/blue light fatigue. But it used to happen after
               | studying for hours pre-internet.
               | 
               | Just my hunch, but post student life, I think many people
               | are not actually using the internet regularly the way you
               | describe. Only a small percentage of people are doing
               | productive tasks, it's mostly leisurely consumption
        
               | Drew_ wrote:
               | There's a noticeable difference to me between exercising
               | my thinking skills and feeling mentally exhausted versus
               | consuming lots of media and feeling "hungover".
               | 
               | I get that exhausted feeling after any hard day at work.
               | On the other hand, scrolling through reels for about 30
               | minutes gives me a headache. If I spend over an hour on
               | YouTube, I also get a similar feeling, but only if that
               | time was spent watching many different videos. If I
               | watched one 2 hour video, I feel fine.
        
           | j45 wrote:
           | Taking more time away from it and coming back to it gives
           | perspective on what to interact with, and what not to
           | interact with.
           | 
           | Seeking novelty and fulfillment from scrolling vertically are
           | all individually and collectively patterns, including
           | notifications.
           | 
           | Creating is different than consuming when it comes to
           | screens. Separating consuming onto a separate consuming
           | device physically helps.
        
           | burningChrome wrote:
           | > It sucks.
           | 
           | It sucks because the social aspect of social media has been
           | bent and twisted into squeezing every bit of money out of it.
           | In some regards, people are being forced to consume.
           | Companies do anything they can to manipulate users into
           | continual consumption because it generates money for them.
           | 
           | Even worse now? Companies are rewarding people when users
           | interact with their content. Now people are enticed to create
           | content that purposely angers people so they comment on their
           | content.
           | 
           | I've deleted all of my accounts now - it was just too
           | fatiguing to try and weed your way through the constant
           | pushing of content to get you to watch or interact with
           | instead of what YOU want to see or watch. YouTube is
           | notorious for that. How many times have you gone to the site
           | and instead of searching for something you went there for,
           | you get completely sidelined into something because they
           | present you with a ton of videos that fit what you're
           | interested in?
           | 
           | In the immortal words of Joshua: "A strange game. The only
           | winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?"
        
             | fragmede wrote:
             | > I've deleted all of my accounts now
             | 
             | except for this one
        
           | munificent wrote:
           | It's the social equivalent of eating potato chips until
           | you're stuffed but never actually feeling nourished.
        
         | 101008 wrote:
         | This is something I've always wanted to write about, and I
         | imagine that someday I'll end up with a long article, but
         | basically, it's the idea that the internet used to be offline
         | by default, and now it's online by default.
         | 
         | People used to be offline by default. You had to "connect to
         | the internet." Open MSN, go into forums and check the latest
         | unread messages, come back from a concert and manually upload
         | the photos to your Fotolog or wherever. Now it's the opposite.
         | We are online by default. The expectation is that we're always
         | connected and respond quickly. Going to a sports event or a
         | concert? You have to post a story to Instagram from that very
         | place, not when you get home. Someone sends you an email or a
         | WhatsApp message? You're expected to reply as soon as possible.
         | 
         | That's what I miss most about the internet--the idea and the
         | feeling that I would go online when I wanted to, not that I
         | lived inside the internet 24/7.
        
           | nemomarx wrote:
           | The Internet used to be semi literally a place you went - a
           | desktop in the corner of some room, not central on a desk,
           | not in your pocket. And with a ritual to access it on top of
           | that and the dial up sounds and all.
           | 
           | It's more present but also more invisible now, yeah.
        
             | RugnirViking wrote:
             | honestly ive been thinking about this stuff too. a
             | hypothetical forum you could only log on to read if you
             | idled on a certain page for 15 mins or something would
             | probably have a lot higher standard of discussion and be a
             | lot better for peoples lives, for example.
             | 
             | The most minute of barriers requiring you to deliberately
             | and consciously join and leave...
        
               | reg_dunlop wrote:
               | Reminds me of https://diewithme.online/ which I just
               | learned about.
               | 
               | Not exactly the same as your idea, but definitely in the
               | same vein of "only available under a certain condition"
        
               | xp84 wrote:
               | This is most definitely an invitation to abuse your
               | phone's battery, but at the same time I absolutely love
               | this idea. It's hilarious to imagine someone eagerly
               | awaiting the chance to log onto the site as the battery
               | dips from 8, to 7, to 6. "Just a couple more minutes..."
        
             | 98codes wrote:
             | It's funny -- before social media, I was more likely able
             | to go find someone to chat with on IRC, a Usenet group, or
             | some purpose-built forum. I knew where my friends were
             | (ICQ, then AIM, then Skype, then GChat), and it worked.
             | 
             | Now, it's all fragmented into 1000 Discord servers, and who
             | has the time to dig through it all?
        
               | OkayPhysicist wrote:
               | See, I'm the opposite. I've got a Discord server, which
               | are very much "where my friends are": If I make an
               | acquaintance (or any of my friends do), they get added to
               | the server. Some stick around, and get woven into the
               | social fiber. Some never come back, and eventually get
               | removed from the server during our annual purge. There's
               | maybe 10-20 active people (i.e., people we see at least a
               | couple times a month), a handful of regulars that are
               | that multiple times a week, and then maybe twice all that
               | again of people we hear from once in a blue moon. If I
               | want to chat, I'll hop in voice. If I want to share
               | something I found, I'll stick it in a text channel.
               | 
               | There's still plenty of communities on the internet. It's
               | just that the communities worth belonging to are not wide
               | open to the public. Community building does not scale.
        
           | juliansimioni wrote:
           | It's wild, and absolutely worth writing about, that at some
           | point in recent years, the concept of "AFK" basically ceased
           | to exist.
           | 
           | Yes, we aren't technically near a keyboard most of the time
           | today, but we are never AFK in a conceptual sense. Even when
           | sleeping.
        
             | Deebster wrote:
             | I play badminton, which has games that are about ten
             | minutes long. I've noticed an uptick in the number of times
             | I've had to stop and wait for someone I'm playing with to
             | read a message on their smartwatch. I'm terminally online,
             | but I can disconnect long enough for a game or a film - I
             | seem to be increasingly in the minority.
        
               | ToucanLoucan wrote:
               | Honestly I don't hang out with people like that. If you
               | can't put down your Distractify 9000 to play a game with
               | me, then clearly I am not very interesting to you and
               | it's better for both of us to do more engaging activities
               | with more engaging people.
               | 
               | People bristle at this sometimes- they'll ask why we
               | don't hang out as much and I'll explain- and like, I get
               | it, nobody likes feeling called out or criticized, and I
               | don't even mean it as criticism, not really. Your
               | behavior in reaching for your phone tells me that you
               | have more important things to do, and I don't want to
               | obstruct you from them. If those things aren't actually
               | more important, well, then your priorities are clearly
               | out of wack and you should sort that out for yourself.
               | 
               | Like just... stop responding to stimuli. Put things in
               | the order in which they are meaningful to you, and then
               | keep that. You're a conscious being, act like one.
        
           | joules77 wrote:
           | Back then Broadcast/Multicast (1 to all/1 to many) was
           | expensive. It quite often resulted in routers and switches
           | catching fire. The chips were too slow.
           | 
           | A side effect was we didn't have to deal with what Claude
           | Shannon told us happens if everyone is broadcasting - noise
           | increases - no one is really heard - people speak louder -
           | people repeat messages - everyone is getting their energy
           | drained.
           | 
           | Today Broadcast is free. And thats what we see happening.
        
             | jeffreygoesto wrote:
             | We used to relay messages in a mailbox once per day and got
             | all new ones (called "Maustausch"
             | https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/MausNet). It was pretty
             | cheap because all group and personal messages came in one
             | compressed batch and you had stuff to read and respond for
             | a day. The BBSes exchanged all messages in a tree call
             | hierarchy, you could reach everybody within that one day
             | hop.
        
           | andai wrote:
           | No matter where you are, everyone is always connected...
        
           | gausswho wrote:
           | Like many who lived through this inversion I can absolutely
           | relate.
           | 
           | I've culled my notifications substantially and my life is
           | better for it. But I miss that feeling of firing up AIM and
           | seeking out someone to chat with. Or someone spotting my
           | arrival and immediately saying hi.
           | 
           | I realized yesterday that I don't use phones like others do.
           | I want to be in airplane mode whenever my phone is locked.
           | Not Do Not Disturb mode. I want my modem off. I don't want
           | any phone calls, ever. I'll get to your messages when my flow
           | state has subsided.
           | 
           | But when I unlock the phone, I want the modem to
           | automatically come back on. I am subliminally tapping into
           | the heyday of AIM. I'm expressing "i'm free. what's up?!".
           | 
           | Problem is, it's not an occasion to anyone else out there.
           | Most people always want to be available and I have a hard
           | time understanding why.
        
             | tracker1 wrote:
             | Definitely of a similar mindset... my text notification
             | chime is about as subdued as I can make it... I mean I
             | don't want to miss a text entirely, but would really rather
             | push it all off. I disabled email notifications and other
             | app notifications entirely. I wouldn't disable my actual
             | phone calls, though I don't like that nearly half the calls
             | I get are either spam, or bots notifying my of dr appts.
             | 
             | It's all gotten so dysfunctional as a whole. My SO gets on
             | Tiktok live chats (whatever they're called) and I'll get
             | into an X space now and then. Once in a great while, I'll
             | pull up IRC. I really do miss the days of AIM an Yahoo
             | Messenger chat groups though. It was fun. I also miss the
             | locality of BBSing back when. With the internet, we tend to
             | segregate based on interest, and you lose the local aspects
             | and actual interaction, get togethers, etc.
        
             | BeetleB wrote:
             | > I realized yesterday that I don't use phones like others
             | do. I want to be in airplane mode whenever my phone is
             | locked. Not Do Not Disturb mode. I want my modem off. I
             | don't want any phone calls, ever. I'll get to your messages
             | when my flow state has subsided.
             | 
             | You're not alone. Here's how I solved it: Last year I
             | really wanted a new smartphone just for the better camera.
             | My existing phone from 2018 was still working fine, but the
             | camera sucked.
             | 
             | So I bought a used, but only few months old, new
             | smartphone.
             | 
             | And I never got it hooked up to the cell network (i.e. no
             | SIM card). I now typically carry two phones on me. The old
             | one is for texts/phones. The new one is for everything
             | else. A clean separation. At times when I do groceries or
             | something, I leave the SIM phone in the car so no one can
             | contact me.
             | 
             | When the old phone finally dies, I'll just find the
             | cheapest smartphone to replace it and maintain the
             | separation.
             | 
             | For app notifications, I use the Buzzkill app to keep them
             | down. For a long time I had it set up such that I would not
             | get any notification for texts - other than a vibration. No
             | sound. No flashing LED. _And no notification in the task
             | bar_. If I wanted to know if I 'd received a text, I'd have
             | to open the app. I strongly encourage this set up.
             | 
             | Before I got a smartphone, I would turn my cell phone on
             | only for emergencies and the occasional coordination
             | (picking someone up - call him and let him know I'm
             | downstairs). I told people they wouldn't be able to reach
             | me on my cell phone, and to call my home phone (landline,
             | and then VoIP) if they needed me.
             | 
             | Then I finally got a smartphone. I still have that home
             | phone. But boy, I often tell people that my life is
             | definitely worse because of that smartphone. I like the
             | portable computing device, camera and GPS. Just not the
             | phone part!
        
               | gausswho wrote:
               | I have been considering this. I even came up with a name:
               | Good Phone, Bad Phone. Your experience is instructive,
               | thank you. Other than the additional cost, I think it has
               | lots of upside.
               | 
               | I daily drive a Pixel on GrapheneOS and most of what I
               | install is from F-Droid repos. I'm wondering if I should
               | just de-SIM that one to make it 'Good Phone' and my 'Bad
               | Phone' should just be a Light Phone or maybe something
               | more featureful.
        
               | BeetleB wrote:
               | I should also add: I don't install apps like
               | Signal/Whatsapp on the SIMless phone. No one should be
               | able to call me on it. Period.
               | 
               | I do have a mail app on it, and it checks mail only when
               | I tell it to (i.e. not running in the background giving
               | me email notifications).
               | 
               | At home, I keep the phone with the SIM in one room. I can
               | use the SIMless phone around the house and not worry
               | about pings.
        
             | pests wrote:
             | > firing up AIM and seeking out someone to chat with. Or
             | someone spotting my arrival and immediately saying hi
             | 
             | The best was when that hi came from the person you had
             | steady started typing to
        
               | gausswho wrote:
               | yes! before typing indicators.
        
             | Zak wrote:
             | Phone makers keep touting AI features in their phones, but
             | I haven't seen anyone applying it to notifications.
             | 
             | Here's my holy grail: the phone should, using on-device
             | processing determine whether I want to be disturbed with a
             | given notification now, when I'm not busy, at a specified
             | time of day, or never.
        
               | bdangubic wrote:
               | you gonna sacrifice a shitton of privacy for a very small
               | convenience here...
        
               | citizenpaul wrote:
               | Privacy is long dead and you are not getting it back. If
               | someone wants to buy comprehensive data about your
               | personal life there is literally nothing you can do about
               | it. The data broker economy is absolutely booming and no
               | one is even making a token effort to curtail it. The
               | government that is supposed to stop it wants it for
               | themselves so they won't ever do anything.
        
               | citizenpaul wrote:
               | Here reveals the crux of the engagement economy. You want
               | to use your phone less and more meaningfully. EVERY
               | SINGLE COMPANY wants the exact opposite for their bottom
               | line.
        
           | j45 wrote:
           | Usable mobile data that was fast enough was one of the
           | tipping points, meeting with the first smartphone that was
           | for the many, the iPhone around the same time.
        
           | dylan604 wrote:
           | > You're expected to reply as soon as possible.
           | 
           | I am happy to disappoint these expectations. I feel no
           | pressure from it whatsoever. Of course, I'm of the age of
           | default offline, so that has a lot to do with it. Remember
           | coming home to a "machine" to check messages? That was
           | glorious even if it too had a glowing red dot that wanted
           | your attention.
           | 
           | The always on mentality is not worth it and quite tiresome,
           | figuratively and literally. I know it's different for women,
           | but I've met a few that are _really_ into the always on
           | concept where they never leave the house without full war
           | paint because  "you never know who you might meet". I'm
           | exhausted just thinking about it.
        
           | liotier wrote:
           | > The expectation is that we're always connected and respond
           | quickly
           | 
           | As someone who twenty years ago published his XMPP presence
           | to his web page (http://serendipity.ruwenzori.net/index.php/2
           | 006/02/27/jabber...) among other oversharing excesses, I have
           | now swung opposite: online presence indicator is the first
           | functionality I disable when I join any sort of forum and my
           | tablet is almost always silent... Asynchronous interrupts
           | least and unbroken concentration is most valuable, so
           | asynchronous mostly - with exceptions for eligible
           | professional contacts and sentimentally close people.
        
           | Karrot_Kream wrote:
           | > Now it's the opposite. We are online by default. The
           | expectation is that we're always connected and respond
           | quickly.
           | 
           | I've been reading this on HN for years but I've always been
           | puzzled by it because it's both so different from my personal
           | experiences and seems so divergent from the types who hang
           | out on HN.
           | 
           | From around my mid-20s the expectation to be always on in any
           | of my friend groups just evaporated. Until we hit our 30s
           | there was still a general expectation to read socials after
           | work hours but even then as we got older many of us were too
           | drained after work to do much. Then once we hit our 30s the
           | expectation was that our partners, homes, and often kids took
           | precedence. None of my friends are posting Stories on
           | Instagram with their newborns.
           | 
           | Now some of my friends do still love being always on their
           | socials but a lot of these friends of mine when not on
           | socials are constantly hanging out at social events or on
           | calls with each other. They'd probably be the neighborhood
           | gossips in an era before telephony.
           | 
           | So I'm curious: is this a real problem or is this a bit of a
           | strawman? What sort of social pressure do you actually
           | receive to be always on your socials? Is this related to
           | going on dates?
        
         | dymk wrote:
         | Furries are keeping this dream alive on Telegram
        
         | mock-possum wrote:
         | There are a billion communities using discord and telegram to
         | do basically what you're describing - topic rooms, hangout
         | rooms, you can change your online status to signal your
         | willingness to ge sociable.
        
         | joseda-hg wrote:
         | My group of friends gets something really close to OP, because
         | of our music bot (Which only pings everyone on specific events,
         | like the music queue running out, uncommon enough that it
         | doesn't get annoying, and never more than once a session)
        
         | deltaburnt wrote:
         | Our friend group's social contract is to sit in a discord
         | channel (even if empty) if you're open to chatting.
         | Unfortunately we have no real equivalent for text.
        
         | cronelius wrote:
         | might have to put a green dot on a hat or tshirt and try this
         | irl
        
         | cgannett wrote:
         | well part of it was there wasnt ^{10}10 =
         | 10^{10^{10^{10^{10^{10^{10^{10^{10^{10}}}}}}}}} more
         | interesting things than chatting with your friends to do online
        
         | godot wrote:
         | Would anyone still use a desktop-only (no mobile) messenger
         | where you have to run/turn on intentionally (not always-on like
         | most mobile-first messengers nowadays), lists online/offline
         | friends the way AIM/ICQ did, and you can only send messages
         | with online friends?
         | 
         | I get that most leisure computing has moved off of desktop to
         | mobile in modern days, but there's definitely enough of us
         | nerds who're on a computer a lot (even if just for work, if
         | nothing else). It can't be any less than in the late 1990s when
         | ICQ was popular.
        
           | jrmg wrote:
           | I think it probably is less. I'd hang out on my laptop in the
           | evenings and mornings (like, while watching TV or reading
           | news when eating breakfast) in a way I don't now. I use my
           | iPad or phone now.
           | 
           | I do wonder, though, if there's a gap for a messenger app
           | that runs only while in the foreground in your phone [edit:
           | or tablet or computer!] - or maybe until you next lock the
           | screen, so you can 'be online' only while reading, playing a
           | game, or doomscrolling.
        
         | heresie-dabord wrote:
         | This might interest you, it was posted on HN early last year:
         | 
         |  _Show HN: Coffeehouse, one-on-one voicechat with random HN
         | users_
         | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39067496
         | 
         | (I have no association with the post, the people, or the
         | project.)
        
           | mkl wrote:
           | Clickable: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39067496
        
         | caned wrote:
         | I might relate to this, but I also spent more time talking to
         | friends on the phone 20 years ago. The perception of this
         | greatness can't be disentangled from the experience of youth.
        
         | vjk800 wrote:
         | Now that I think about it, that's true. The same of IRC and MSN
         | Messenger. Since being online all the time was not the default
         | state of things, people only turned those applications (or even
         | their computers) on when they actually wanted to chat to other
         | people. When you saw your friend online on one of those, you
         | immediately wrote _something_ to them, even if you didn 't
         | really have anything to say, because what was the point of
         | having the application on otherwise?
        
         | nuancebydefault wrote:
         | I'm open for chitchat and you opened it 9 hours ago
        
         | midtake wrote:
         | Disagree. There are people open to chitchat right now. They are
         | just young. We just grew old, most of us are having families,
         | and it would be weird to idly chitchat instead of playing your
         | family role.
        
       | echelon_musk wrote:
       | s/life savior/life saver/
        
       | pyfan878 wrote:
       | hogged to death :/
        
       | thedanbob wrote:
       | > I also had this idea to turn this into an IoT device that has 5
       | RGB lights and sits on your desk. It would light up when each
       | friend you have delegated joins your Discord voice channel and
       | you could customize the colour for each friend. If I get some
       | traction I might turn it into a real product, so email me at my
       | email address in my about page if that seems something you'd
       | like.
       | 
       | Hah, I'm also building something like this for notification
       | purposes. My wife's tablet sometimes doesn't show notifications
       | and she's often not near her phone, so I ordered some ESP32's and
       | LED boards[0]. Going to scatter them around the house and link
       | them to a switch in Home Assistant so I can light them up if I
       | need to get a hold of her. I'm planning a back-and-forth scan
       | effect to make sure they're eye-catching, already named them
       | Cylons.
       | 
       | [0] https://ae-pic-a1.aliexpress-
       | media.com/kf/S9b244caf41934a5eb...
        
         | f3b5 wrote:
         | While this is a pretty cool hardware project, I would be quite
         | annoyed to be your partner. No offense, but it almost reads as
         | satire that you want to flash LEDs in every corner of the house
         | if your wife doesn't look at her phone notifications quickly
         | enough.
        
           | IAmBroom wrote:
           | No offense, but your privilege is offensively visible.
           | 
           | Deaf people need this.
        
             | stndef wrote:
             | Yup! I have significant hearing loss to the point that I'm
             | useless without hearing aids.
             | 
             | I'm going to take this idea for my partner to use to get my
             | attention if needed. Having it tie into Home Assistant is a
             | win for me as well.
        
               | cogogo wrote:
               | I don't have hearing loss but the best way I've found to
               | not miss important notifications is a smart watch. Game
               | changing to ensure my wife and I don't miss each other's
               | messages around school pickup or anything else important.
               | With an apple watch you can make the vibration pretty
               | unmissable. We both have almost all other notifications
               | silenced so it's not overly noisy either. I never use
               | sound for any kind of notification anymore - even when
               | expecting important calls.
        
           | bombcar wrote:
           | Why back in MY day we just had 5-7 kids stationed throughout
           | the house. A simple "Joey, go tell Mom" was all you needed!
           | 
           | /s
        
             | c22 wrote:
             | I remember the year my dad installed an intercom system in
             | the house and then disabled it within a month or two due to
             | its use by children.
        
           | sgarland wrote:
           | They said a status board on top of their monitor, not every
           | corner of their house. This seems like a very unobtrusive
           | signal to me. Plus, some people like to hide or obscure their
           | phone from their field of view during work, to minimize
           | distractions. Honestly, the only person I immediately check
           | my phone for is my wife. If I could have a priority indicator
           | along with that, I'd love it. There are some things I need to
           | know immediately (a kid is sick and one of us needs to pick
           | them up, etc.) regardless of what I'm doing, and there are
           | others where it can wait until I'm done with a meeting.
        
           | thedanbob wrote:
           | I thought it went without saying that she's on board with it,
           | and that "need to get a hold of her" meant e.g. "I'm trying
           | to call her but she's out in the shop". 99% of our
           | communication during the day is asynchronous.
        
         | DrillShopper wrote:
         | My partner is disabled, and my home office is far enough from
         | the bedroom/her work desk that I sometimes can't hear her when
         | she could use, wants, or needs help. These very different
         | priorities make messaging me difficult for her sometimes, not
         | to mention that I can't know what the urgency is if she
         | messages me over SMS/Signal/etc.
         | 
         | As a result, we were looking into a very similar system where
         | we each have an LED signboard, speaker, and priority lights on
         | the top of a small device that lives on top of our monitors
         | along with an app where she can select "not urgent, but you
         | should know", "when you have a moment", "as soon as you can",
         | and "urgent, right now" in an app, with an optional message,
         | and the device makes a tone and lights the lights associated
         | with the most recent, highest priority message as well as
         | reminding every five minutes.
         | 
         | I'm playing with an ESP32 right now to implement, but it's nice
         | to see that the entire concept isn't entirely unprecidented.
        
           | sgarland wrote:
           | That's a great idea! I remember on an Android phone - maybe
           | Galaxy Nexus, or the original Pixel - you could blink an LED
           | with different colors for different app notifications. I had
           | blue, yellow, red, and green for various apps, and so without
           | ever having the screen turn on or the device make sounds, I
           | could tell if I should bother to check.
           | 
           | To me, not having any sensory disabilities, that's a lower
           | cognitive load than banners or other text/icon-based
           | notifications.
        
             | LtWorf wrote:
             | I had a samsung with this over 10 years ago.
        
             | DrillShopper wrote:
             | The first Android phone I owned also had this feature, and
             | it was super helpful.
             | 
             | It's a shame that our phones are becoming more and more
             | voracious surveillance devices without the common courtesy
             | of doing things that are helpful for the user.
        
             | AceJohnny2 wrote:
             | The Nexus One [1] from 2010 had a little trackball that
             | could light up for notifications.
             | 
             | While the trackball was understandably nixed in later
             | models (though it was still useful for fine control!), its
             | notification feature is dearly missed.
             | 
             | [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nexus_One
        
             | Pilottwave wrote:
             | It is so useful, for me a must have on every phone. on
             | Android the app aodNotify is what I've been using to
             | recreate it.
        
           | latexr wrote:
           | If you have Apple devices and share your locations in Find
           | My, she could use the Find My app to make your devices beep
           | loudly and optionally show a message. Great for urgency,
           | since the beep is really loud and doesn't stop until you tell
           | it to.
           | 
           | Your current setup is, of course, much more interesting.
        
           | justsomehnguy wrote:
           | Or just get a $5 radio doorbell. You know, when it's 'urgent,
           | right now' you don't want to learn what you are too late
           | because for whatever reason internet/wireless/cellular wasn't
           | working.
        
             | mystifyingpoi wrote:
             | This ^ anything else is just wanting to play with tech
             | instead of solving the problem immediately. Which is fine,
             | sure, but that radio doorbell (or better, 3 different ones
             | for different priority levels, since it seems important)
             | will fix the issue right now.
        
           | heeton wrote:
           | I've built a few things like this using Nerves / Elixir on a
           | pi. It's got a really nice dev experience through to useful
           | deployment and over-the-air updates.
           | 
           | I highly recommend it to anyone building little functional
           | prototypes of this sort.
        
         | bell-cot wrote:
         | I've not looked at this space - but with flexible control
         | software, such devices could serve a very wide variety of use
         | cases. And perhaps multiple uses cases simultaneously, far less
         | intrusively than dealing with a variety of alarm & alert
         | systems.
        
       | eveld wrote:
       | This reminds me a lot of the days when we would just hang in
       | ventrillo and teamspeak to just hang out even when not playing
       | games. Especially around the time when communities gathered
       | around dedicated servers were still a thing. Miss those days :(
        
       | ZeroCool2u wrote:
       | I have a similar friend group that hangs out on discord now due
       | to the post college diaspora and we even use a Signal group chat.
       | However, it sounds like it's a smaller group, because we've taken
       | to literally sending bat signal gifs into the chat when someone
       | gets online and it works well enough for us :)
        
       | russellbeattie wrote:
       | Interesting. But in my experience, the Australian need for daily
       | social interaction with a group of peers - preferably including
       | some sort of large alcoholic beverage - is quite a bit above
       | average. Not sure how a group of Americans would respond.
        
       | Pyrodogg wrote:
       | "Scheduling" can become a four-letter word when it comes to
       | adults organizing for game nights. In many groups game night
       | rarely seems to rise to the formality of scheduling sports with
       | organized practice/play sessions.
       | 
       | It's nice to hear that this group found a way to maintain the
       | spontaneity.
        
         | tomashubelbauer wrote:
         | TIL about "four-letter word" as an ESL speaker. If anyone else
         | is confused about the linguistic compression algorithm that
         | squeezes "scheduling" into just four letters, the magic is, of
         | course, profanity! And "four-letter word" seems to be a polite
         | way of saying something is or can become a PITA.
        
           | wavemode wrote:
           | yeah calling something a "four-letter word" is intended to
           | evoke the idea that, people react negatively upon merely
           | hearing the word (as though it were an expletive)
        
       | ksynwa wrote:
       | If folks don't want to understandably install the discord app
       | perhaps notifications could be sent through something like ntfy.
       | Like create a dedicated channel for notifications for this and
       | have the interested people subscribe to it. Can't say for sure if
       | the discord.py library will allow for something like this but I
       | think it should be possible.
        
       | turbopasi wrote:
       | Reminds me of our Teamspeak Server, that we have already running
       | for over 2 decades. Not only for playing games but more for just
       | come online and hang out, quietly sitting next to each other,
       | "lurking". We do this almost every evening, someone is always
       | there. Probably couldn't live without it T.T.
        
       | johndhi wrote:
       | I had the idea of making a website where anyone of a group of
       | friends can post their evening plans - go to trivia, play tennis,
       | etc - and others would be able to sign up to join.
       | 
       | Never made it but glad to see these things can work.
        
         | johndhi wrote:
         | Anyone know if something like this already exists I could buy
         | or use?
        
           | gorpomon wrote:
           | This was the original purpose of Twitter-- it was advertised
           | as a network where anyone could post what they're doing and
           | notify their friends immediately. Even until recently tweets
           | could be received via SMS (not sure about the current status
           | of that feature) so you'd see in real time what they're up
           | to.
           | 
           | Of course, Twitter/X/etc are a far cry from that now-- but it
           | could be worth trying where you and your friends use the
           | service like that.
        
           | Imustaskforhelp wrote:
           | I do think this is an interesting idea. Lemme see if I can do
           | this. How do you think the UI/UX should look like.
           | 
           | Here's what I am thinking. You sign in It asks you what you
           | want to do And at what time (hour) in another column and
           | (date) in another column And then it asks you the location
           | 
           | And then we can have a contact-me: which could lead to
           | discord or signal. Or, if you aren't comfortable sharing that
           | info, then you could have a shareable link that you can share
           | with anyone and then they can write their email or whatever
           | and you would get live notifications through mail or whatever
           | platform you decided.
           | 
           | Lemme know if we are on the same page?
           | 
           | EDIT: I have created a mvp but like, the problem is that it's
           | just a form y'know and I just created something where you
           | would input in this information and it would give html and
           | then you can host it and using https://formsubmit.co/ you can
           | use it. Though I guess one of the issues is that you have to
           | validate each form in formsubmit (not good for ephemeral
           | forms) and I guess it also shows email but there's a way to
           | hide it too.
           | 
           | Also, I guess the problems aren't of forms but of
           | discoverability. How do you make people discover your forms
           | but I guess one way could be of having a list of all your
           | forms or just the current ones that you want to show (IDK?)
           | on github pages for example and then you could just share the
           | github pages link to anyone or just have it in a about me
           | section of most messengers?
           | 
           | Also.. Maybe then if you wanted to rather share it to anybody
           | you could create a additional place where anybody can share
           | their forms/such website. But I am not sure if what I've all
           | said is the best user experience.
        
             | Imustaskforhelp wrote:
             | I just realized that I just reinvented a form generator or
             | a form itself...
        
       | rpgbr wrote:
       | I always try to solve problems by using what people already have,
       | so I wonder if having another group on Signal, where only "I'm
       | playing!" messages would be allowed, couldn't fix the issue...?
        
         | Ringz wrote:
         | I've always thought this way and it's amazing what applications
         | and problems you can solve or replace with text files (csv,
         | TXT, md), calendars (shared) and email. If I had to estimate,
         | 80-90%?
         | 
         | I always believed in the power of simple tools and don't
         | reinvent the wheel.
        
           | rpgbr wrote:
           | There's that theory that all apps are just glorified (and/or
           | multiplayer) txt files or spreadsheets. Which is true in...
           | 80-90% of the cases?
        
             | fragmede wrote:
             | what're the last 10-20%?
        
         | dandano wrote:
         | I think it was the fact that actions spoke louder than words
         | for us. It's easy to say "I'll jump on" but then you get
         | distracted and then 30 mins later you go online. Similarly to
         | when people say "leaving now" and then they start getting ready
         | to leave. Because we are notified that someone has taken the
         | action of going online they are 100% available to chat or play
         | a game.
        
           | lazyeye wrote:
           | Do discord events allow for connections to ifttt or zapier?
           | Or even just trigger a webhook? If so then you can trigger a
           | smart light bulb in each persons home via these services. To
           | get this to work you create 2 applets triggered by the same
           | webhook. One to turn the light on, then another to turn it
           | off after a specified delay.
        
         | leptons wrote:
         | My friend group has multiple Signal chats for different
         | purposes. One is a general chat, no politics allowed. Then
         | there's a chat that is for politics. One is for live music, and
         | there are other sub-groups for specific interests.
        
       | braiamp wrote:
       | Please, fix the contrast of the clicked links and your
       | background. The discord.py link is unreadable. Same with supabase
       | and coolify. Those I'm sure I haven't visited.
        
         | drewtato wrote:
         | This comment is so interesting because clearly, it's the
         | unvisited color that's broken, you know this, and you even
         | typed it out, but it is so common for visited links to be
         | darker than unvisited links that it makes you assume the
         | opposite.
        
       | m-hodges wrote:
       | This is great. For years I've been wanting to solve the "link
       | problem" in my Signal group. My friends post a ton of great links
       | that get lost in the scrollback and I'd love a way to get just a
       | dedicated queue. I've thought about things like a private
       | subreddit or even just a different link group; but everything
       | just felt like moving the problem and change management. Great to
       | see this type of solution worked for you!
        
         | Imustaskforhelp wrote:
         | I think Signal should just create a pin option like how discord
         | and a lot of others have.
         | 
         | But in the meantime if I had to genuinely suggest a method
         | without any friction if you are okay with using code like the
         | author did, then I'd suggest something and lemme know what you
         | think
         | 
         | Why don't you just create a special emoji that would only be
         | used for the purposes of Pin, like (Oh the irony), and then
         | have a signal cli or signal-bot https://github.com/signal-
         | bot/signal-bot where you could do something like /pins and it
         | would show the pins but you would need a different mobile
         | number or account for that and honestly just a big hassle. I
         | could think of other ways but we would never reach the native
         | User experience that signal could provide if it would allow pin
         | natively
         | 
         | EDIT: Even a more simpler way could be if we could just search
         | the chat emojis and we could just search <the pin emoji> and it
         | would show it
         | 
         | Also I am surprised that HN doesn't allow emojis
        
       | baby wrote:
       | I tried that a long time ago with teamspeak, and then discord,
       | but my friends are not big users of these tools and so it didnt
       | work. Discords do too much. If whatsapp could do this it could
       | work
        
         | Imustaskforhelp wrote:
         | I do think that whatsapp could do this tbh if it would actually
         | provide its api like discord does.
         | 
         | Telegram feels like it can definitely do such stuff and I found
         | in my opinion that its way easier to host telegram bot on
         | cloudflare than it is on discord so theoretically you could
         | even have it as a cf worker with a deploy on cf button so as to
         | even people who don't know too much about deploying could use
         | it.
        
         | cubefox wrote:
         | WhatsApp should totally add that as a feature! A voice chat
         | room with join notifications.
        
         | henryaj wrote:
         | WhatsApp has this now -
         | https://faq.whatsapp.com/1973730693032338
        
       | Arainach wrote:
       | I didn't see this in the article, but why not just organize the
       | games in a Discord text channel? Discord has very granular
       | notifications that seem the perfect solution here, so folks can
       | see there are unread messages in #games, and the folks gaming are
       | already on the server.
       | 
       | One big noisy chat for everything is an antipattern, as any group
       | of sufficient size eventually learns.
        
         | bombcar wrote:
         | One Big Chat is great for the terminally online. Everyone else
         | gets horribly behind.
         | 
         | Organized channels is the way to go and spending time thinking
         | about setup is worth it. Otherwise they develop naturally and
         | haphazardly.
        
         | jedimastert wrote:
         | The discord of '22 was, iirc, very different from now, or at
         | least the culture around it. It looks like they just only used
         | it for a single voice chat lobby
        
           | Arainach wrote:
           | The Discord of 2020 and before absolutely supported text
           | channels, voice channels, multiple of the above, customizable
           | notifications, and everything required here. Like OP and many
           | others I found myself on a number of Discord servers during
           | the pandemic for voice/video chat, gaming together, etc. and
           | that app was the straightforward solution both for organizing
           | and the actual event for groups of any size from 4-20.
        
           | ghostly_s wrote:
           | The piece was published this week, and yall seem to be
           | missing the point. The goal is to let people know when a VC
           | is happening amongst this group, not to do party matching for
           | whatever game is being played.
        
         | jedimastert wrote:
         | Also this might be a premature optimization issue, it seems
         | like the friend group is only five people and probably very
         | unlikely to grow
        
       | unethical_ban wrote:
       | It seems to me a common enough use case that it should be built
       | into discord.
       | 
       | I think the "I am here, now" alert does more than the "hey who is
       | around?" message.
        
       | stevage wrote:
       | That actually sounds really nice.
       | 
       | > Over the next year, our group chat (in Signal) was drowning in
       | notifications. A mix of general chit chat, talks on the ever
       | changing news of COVID and the most important - when can people
       | play games and chat. It really annoyed me when people would post
       | on "hey anyone wanna play [game] in 15 mins?", for it to be
       | buried in another 5 messages.
       | 
       | My friend group's solution to this problem is...lots of different
       | group chats. They're all on Google Chat, but we have tons of
       | different ones for different topics: bikes, space,
       | covid/infectious diseases, baking, craft, plants, wildlife, true
       | crime, politics, depressing news, renewables/sustainability, tech
       | geekery, board games, home improvement...
       | 
       | I do miss video chat nights during lockdown though.
        
       | mlok wrote:
       | There is a very weird display bug on this site : when I access it
       | in lanscape horizontal position, with my iPhone 8 on Brave or
       | Safari : all the text is trembling, unable to settle on a size.
       | Trapped in a resizing loop. If I rotate the phone verically it
       | settles properly and then also horizontally. But if I reload the
       | page (horizontally) it goes nuts again :)
        
       | peterldowns wrote:
       | Fun story. This reminds me of the summer my friends and I were
       | all still around our small town -- we used the Yo! app the same
       | way, as a bat signal to meet up and get into nonsense. Someone
       | would start Yo!ing and then once there was a critical mass of
       | return Yo!s we'd switch to text/phone and link up.
       | 
       | Good times.
       | 
       | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yo_(app)
        
       | subjectsigma wrote:
       | I need the opposite of this. Some of my friends just want to sit
       | in Discord and play the same three games all day every day. I
       | either need a way to get them to do something different or to
       | find new friends
        
       | outlore wrote:
       | This reminds me of the Houseparty app that took off with my
       | friend group during Covid. It had a mechanism to notify others
       | when someone had joined a party. Fun times
        
       | guicen wrote:
       | Reminds me of those old coworking circles I used to be part of.
       | Not about being productive really, but more about giving people a
       | reason to show up and talk. Friction gets replaced with rhythm.
        
       | udev4096 wrote:
       | Going from signal to discord is crazy. How can you be OK with
       | knowing that your _personal_ voice chats are being monitored,
       | recorded and sold to the next highest bidder? How can it be so
       | easy to choose convenience over that? Or is it that we have
       | essentially given up and wanna actively take a part in mass
       | surveillance?
        
         | __MatrixMan__ wrote:
         | Not every decision is about opsec. If, for what you're doing,
         | you want people to be alerted about your actions without your
         | explicit say-so, then signal is not the tool for that job.
         | 
         | Shame on discord for having a lousy privacy stance, but most
         | people aren't on signal for the privacy, most people are on
         | signal because that's where their friends are (and one or two
         | of those friends is there for the privacy).
        
           | udev4096 wrote:
           | That's the difference between people who give in and people
           | who don't. This is not about "opsec", it's about exercising
           | your fundamental right to privacy. Majority of people are
           | reckless, the ones who take a second to think about it are
           | not
        
             | otoburb wrote:
             | I agree with you, but the trade off is real for most
             | people. It's unfortunately a binary choice: 'privacy [?]
             | social community', instead of 'privacy & social' community.
             | 
             | It's interesting how opensource Zulip[1] hasn't been able
             | to garner as much of a following or usage amongst the gamer
             | crowd compared to Discord.
             | 
             | [1] https://zulip.com/
        
               | cptroot wrote:
               | These two apps are not comparable. My guess is that 90%+
               | of people using Discord are doing so for the low-latency
               | voice conversations with optional screen/game sharing.
               | 
               | Zulip does not have first-party voice chat. You would be
               | more likely to get gamers to switch to a Teamspeak
               | server.
        
           | heresie-dabord wrote:
           | > Not every decision is about opsec.
           | 
           | Until you find that you _expected_ security and privacy and
           | the developer /corporation/investors say, "too bad for you".
           | 
           | This is the warning of Niemoller's famous paraprosdokian.
           | 
           | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_They_Came
        
         | worldsayshi wrote:
         | Is there some reasonable way to self host a (secure) voice chat
         | channel?
        
           | derkades wrote:
           | Mumble!
        
             | udev4096 wrote:
             | Mumble is awesome but definitely difficult to properly
             | configure. Especially the TLS certs for any reverse proxy
             | won't work directly, there's a hacky way to make it work
             | which I don't fully trust
        
               | MattJ100 wrote:
               | I work on a project in this space, and the endless
               | insistence of people that they have to run clearly non-
               | web things through reverse proxies always amazes me :)
               | 
               | Not everything is a web app, and it's trivial these days
               | to obtain certificates, even without a proxy (certbot,
               | etc.).
               | 
               | Of course I understand that if you host a lot of web
               | apps, having all web requests routed through a universal
               | proxy is nice for various reasons. But platforms like
               | Discord and such are complex beasts and use more
               | technologies than HTTP(S).
        
           | c22 wrote:
           | Depending on your definition of reasonable, you could just
           | pipe the audio over SSH:
           | https://unix.stackexchange.com/questions/116919/redirect-
           | sou...
        
             | udev4096 wrote:
             | Wow, I never thought you could ssh your audio. That's so
             | fucking awesome
        
           | abdullahkhalids wrote:
           | Just create a second group in signal with your friends called
           | "group X: call only". Then everyone mutes the group (which I
           | think mutes calls as well). Then whenever someone wants to
           | join the "voice chat" they can just initiate a call. If
           | someone else sees and joins, so be it.
        
         | Harmon758 wrote:
         | Discord voice calls and channels do use E2EE now, as of last
         | year:
         | 
         | https://discord.com/blog/meet-dave-e2ee-for-audio-video
        
       | excalibur wrote:
       | You guys have friends?
        
       | jrm4 wrote:
       | Man. Reminds me when many years back I had about 10 friends
       | collaborating on a movie and I needed something between
       | asynchronous and synchronous, so I stripped Wordpress down to
       | just titles and little avatars on a front page feed thing.
       | 
       | About 2 years later Twitter came out and I was like "oh, I guess
       | I was on to something." :)
        
       | pizzathyme wrote:
       | I wish discord would just implement this as a setting.
        
       | alliao wrote:
       | Now I feel old, back in my days we all hung out on IRC and we
       | broadcast a wav file to call on friends to join game, and had
       | crazy scripts and bots that did weekly summary, best engagement
       | line and so on and so forth
        
       | catigula wrote:
       | It strikes me: is anyone else sick of people calling developing
       | software "building"? Even as a software developer, it feels very
       | supercilious.
        
         | bongodongobob wrote:
         | Yes. Especially things like "solutions architect".
        
         | Retric wrote:
         | No, build "#3. To develop or give form to according to a plan
         | or process; create"
         | 
         | There's a line between baking a cake and building a wedding
         | cake where it stops being about the ingredients and starts
         | being about the desired form.
         | https://shunbridal.com/article/how-tobuild-a-wedding-cake
         | 
         | It's in that context where building software makes sense. You
         | need to link a bunch of different components together to make a
         | greater whole.
        
           | catigula wrote:
           | I figured someone would attempt to use the technical
           | definition to make their case.
           | 
           | The problem isn't one of technical definitions, it's one of
           | performative definitions.
           | 
           | I am technically an Online Communications Solutions
           | Integration Architect, and also a guy posting on an internet
           | forum.
        
             | Retric wrote:
             | I was going by vibes with building a wedding cake. I don't
             | think writing a 3 line bash script is building software.
        
       | subpixel wrote:
       | > it was a life savior when my little one was a newborn to jump
       | onto Discord for even 5 minutes to chat with my friends, watch
       | someone play a game and then log off for another diaper change
       | 
       | I'm afraid I can't relate to this at all. I may a bit older
       | and/or I may have less close friends but I prefer a very
       | different kind of social contact that is more like make plans,
       | meet up, rinse and repeat.
       | 
       | Back in the AIM/ORC days I loathed being pinged all the time for
       | chit chat - this system reminds me of that!
        
       | billdybas wrote:
       | > The hardest part was convincing people to download the Discord
       | app on their phone as most of us didn't have it downloaded.
       | 
       | This was surprising to me - is this typical of most Discord users
       | (primarily desktop users over mobile)?
        
         | OkayPhysicist wrote:
         | Discord was originally a place to organize for playing
         | videogames with people. If you're using it for that purpose,
         | you're probably on your computer already (because that's where
         | the games are). Thus, the mobile app ends up being more for
         | checking in with your community while away from the computer,
         | rather than a primary driver of your engagement with the
         | platform.
        
         | daedrdev wrote:
         | They could have been using it in browser. One of discords
         | underrated decisions is that the browser version is fully
         | featured and doesn't force you to download the app, a new user
         | can join a server in their browser with just a name which is as
         | low friction as you can get.
        
       | rockostrich wrote:
       | I think Discord is the best chat app for friend groups and it's
       | not even close. At this point I've written the following bots
       | specifically for my friend group's server:
       | 
       | # Music Quiz Bot
       | 
       | Existing apps work ok. A lot of paid and don't let you use a
       | specific Spotify playlist.
       | 
       | The only thing annoying about this one is that none of the
       | Discord API wrappers handle audio very well so I've found that
       | this one gets a bit flaky if you're trying to play a lot.
       | 
       | This one is probably like 500 lines of Typescript but a lot of
       | that is for the Spotify API. The game logic is pretty minimal.
       | 
       | # Birthday Bot
       | 
       | This is like 10 lines of Python. It's a cron that reads from a
       | Google Sheet my friends and I keep up to date with personal
       | information. If it's someone's birthday then it'll post a happy
       | birthday message to them.
       | 
       | # Plex Bot
       | 
       | I wrote this before I discovered that Overseerr just has this
       | built-in. My Plex was set up with a webhook to hit whenever new
       | media was downloaded. The bot would post to a specific thread
       | with the metadata about the new media. This included another
       | webserver for serving the cover art from the private Plex
       | metadata server.
       | 
       | # Movie Quiz Bot
       | 
       | Similar to the music bot although I don't think existing apps
       | exist that do this. Essentially it's https://framed.wtf/ except
       | as a game in a Discord channel where random frames are pulled
       | from movies in my media library and everyone competes to name the
       | movie first. This one required some ffmpeg fun to make pulling
       | the stills not take forever. I considered doing static stills or
       | having a cronjob do it, but it's more fun when it's completely
       | random.
        
         | sneak wrote:
         | The problem is that Discord isn't e2ee and logs all chats in
         | plaintext for all time, including all DMs. This makes it a
         | nonstarter for me; friends don't serve as honey in the
         | surveillance trap for communication with their friends.
         | 
         | Nothing that builds up an ever-growing surveillance database on
         | private conversations between friends can be in the running for
         | "best".
        
           | rockostrich wrote:
           | We're all aware of this and we have multiple people working
           | in the defense industry with high clearances in the server.
           | If something needs to be shared that can't be made public
           | then it doesn't go in Discord. This covers about 99.9% of our
           | correspondences.
        
             | sneak wrote:
             | The cognitive overhead of remembering where I can talk
             | about what with which people seems exhausting. I deleted
             | all chat apps except Signal from my phone.
             | 
             | Signal really should support bots.
             | 
             | > _can 't be made public then it doesn't go in Discord.
             | This covers about 99.9%_
             | 
             | Sometimes I forget that my friend groups are nothing like
             | most peoples' friend groups.
        
               | viccis wrote:
               | >The cognitive overhead of remembering where I can talk
               | about what with which people seems exhausting
               | 
               | This is just part of life of having a clearance. If it's
               | not Discord, then it's the happy hour where you have to
               | worry about people getting a few too many beers deep and
               | saying something stupid, and then others have an
               | obligation to report it.
               | 
               | Have some prudence about what to say in what settings is
               | a life skill in general.
        
         | tomashubelbauer wrote:
         | I'm 32 and Discord is the harbinger of getting out of touch
         | with technology for me. It is clearly a great service, because
         | so many people use it and seem happy with it, but it is _not_
         | for me. And I wish that wasn't the case because Discord is
         | pretty much _the_ spot for the communities I'd like to hang
         | around with.
         | 
         | But I wasn't able to get on top of its notification system or
         | get past the gamer heavy UI.
         | 
         | Does your friend group consist of mainly techies? If not, I am
         | impressed you were able to get them to use it. Even more so if
         | they were already on it. I tried to get folks to use Signal
         | with me for a bit and it was the most futile endeavor I've ever
         | attempted.
        
         | Gamemaster1379 wrote:
         | These all sound like a lot of fun. I've built a few discord
         | bots myself as I've run a few online communities.
         | 
         | 1) Reminder bot for scheduled events.
         | 
         | We're all working adults who all played games as teens together
         | . To actually get us together, we schedule our favorite games
         | for once a month to play for a few hours. We all often forget
         | when they start, so my bot posts a 2 week, 1 week 3 days, and 2
         | hour notice.
         | 
         | 2) RCON bot I run a TF2 server and a Minecraft server. You can
         | manage both via RCON commands via slash commands in Discord.
         | Also the tf2 one monitors player activity and alerts if players
         | are in the server
         | 
         | 3. Private server API bot
         | 
         | I founded a private game server for a game that ended service
         | in 2023. The bot reads from our API to make a central list of
         | lobbies and status. It also creates voice channels for each
         | public lobby.
         | 
         | It's also used to help grant items and other admin commands.
         | 
         | 4. For April Fools, I made a snarky bot that responded to
         | random messages. It was backed by Gemini.
         | 
         | These have all been fun and novel to make but I've never found
         | a great way to productize them and make money from any of them.
         | Wonder if you've found any avenues there.
        
       | kadhirvelm wrote:
       | Wow so cool, I feel like if I had a light near by desk that
       | turned on every time a friend was on discord voice, I'd be so
       | much more likely to hop in for a few minutes over getting an
       | notification. Something about the physical affordance feels
       | harder to ignore
        
       | henryaj wrote:
       | WhatsApp has a somewhat similar feature - pull up to start a
       | group voice chat. You can ping others to let them know you're
       | around.
       | 
       | https://faq.whatsapp.com/1973730693032338
        
         | fdgjgbdfhgb wrote:
         | The only time I've seen this feature be used is when my grandma
         | accidentally turns it on in the family groupchat - I just don't
         | wanna hang out with my friends in WhatsApp
        
       | vinceguidry wrote:
       | God I'm so jealous you were able to get your friends to join
       | Discord.
       | 
       | My in-person friend group revolved around the bar we all went to.
       | When the bar shut down, I floated the idea of a group chat but
       | couldn't get anyone interested. No one wants to install another
       | app and get notified more. In olden days, we'd just solve the
       | problem with Facebook, but no one uses that anymore either. My
       | friends are ordinary, normal, overworked people who need an easy
       | option. The bar was that. Show up when you want to connect. Easy.
       | 
       | So now there's nothing. I basically just lost all my friends. We
       | all have each other's numbers but that's just not an option for
       | coordination.
       | 
       | Fuck you, Mark Zuckerberg, for making Facebook so shitty it's not
       | even useful anymore for the one thing I ever found it useful for.
       | I hope when we finally start coming for the billionaires, we come
       | for you first.
        
       | socalgal2 wrote:
       | I'm confused about what this solution does. I'd expect that as
       | people move to discord all the message spam that was happening in
       | signal would just eventually move over to discord as people got
       | used to communicating there instead of signal
        
         | demaga wrote:
         | It encourages people to speak rather than type.
         | 
         | You don't get hundreds of messages per day by writing in email
         | style. You get there if you have a lot of synchronous or near-
         | synchronous communication in chat. It's kind of obvious that
         | voice call suits this better, but there is friction involved in
         | making an actual call.
         | 
         | Discord voice channel might reduce the friction if you make
         | this culture of hopping in and out of it.
        
         | anigbrowl wrote:
         | If you don't care about Security/Privacy, Discord has a great
         | UI and is probably significantly better for free-flowing group
         | conversations
        
       | 725686 wrote:
       | I was surprised to see that there was half a million more, and
       | not less!
        
         | thomascountz wrote:
         | You've seen a cube hold a million dollars, but this server?--
         | Well, it can hold a million friends :')
        
       | anigbrowl wrote:
       | tl;dr author finds Discord better than Signal for online
       | socializing
        
       | flooo wrote:
       | I have several chat groups with friends and even with my wife to
       | avoid this topic. With my wife, I have several now: one to share
       | recipes, one to share the weeks meal plan, one to talk about the
       | activities of our two year old and one to share houses we might
       | be interested in buying.
       | 
       | It's great to separate for record keeping, but mostly to avoid
       | forcing the conversation on some organisational thing when the
       | other just needs eg to vent about something at work
        
       | asdf6969 wrote:
       | This is why it's so hard to make local friends as an adult in a
       | new city. Good inspiration for me to make something similar to
       | keep in touch with real people!
        
       | ohashi wrote:
       | We just use a slack. The overwhelming single channel? nope.
       | channels for all the hobbies, shitposting, news, games, etc. We
       | even have a discord notification for gaming channel when people
       | get on the gaming channel. Separate notification for the chat
       | channel if someone wants to just chill.
        
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