[HN Gopher] Me an' Algernon - grappling with (temporary) cogniti...
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Me an' Algernon - grappling with (temporary) cognitive decline
        
       Author : KentBeck
       Score  : 85 points
       Date   : 2025-06-10 15:00 UTC (4 days ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (tidyfirst.substack.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (tidyfirst.substack.com)
        
       | cantor_S_drug wrote:
       | > When I re-read Flowers for Algernon recently I was just sad.
       | The second half of the story, where his mind is going away, is
       | just brutal, especially when he can remember how smart he was but
       | knows it's gone for good.
       | 
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21544149
       | 
       | "Von Neumann would carry on a conversation with my 3-year-old
       | son, and the two of them would talk as equals, and I sometimes
       | wondered if he used the same principle when he talked to the rest
       | of us." - Edward Teller
       | 
       | I watched a documentary from the 80ies a long time ago. A
       | mathematician (can't remember his name) who worked with von
       | Neumann in Los Alamanos was interviewed. He described von
       | Neumann's last weeks in the hospital - the cancer had already
       | metastasized into his brain. The mathematician said something
       | along this lines (I am citing from memory): "von Neumann was
       | constantly visited by colleagues, who wanted to discuss their
       | latest work with him. He tried to keep up, struggling, like in
       | old times. But he couldn't. Try to imagine having one of the
       | greatest minds maybe in the history of mankind. And then try to
       | imagine losing this gift. I was terrible. I have never seen a man
       | experience greater suffering."
       | 
       | Marina von Neumann (his daughter) later wrote this about his
       | final weeks:
       | 
       | "After only a few minutes, my father made what seemed to be a
       | very peculiar and frightening request from a man who was widely
       | regarded as one of the greatest - if not the greatest -
       | mathematician of the 20th century. He wanted me to give him two
       | numbers, like 7 and 6 or 10 and 3, and ask him to tell me their
       | sum. For as long as I can remember, I had always known that my
       | father's major source of self-regard, what he felt to be the very
       | essence of his being, was his incredible mental capacity. In this
       | late stage of his illness, he must have been aware that this
       | capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic that caused was
       | worse than any physical pain. In demanding that I test him on
       | these elementary sums, he was seeking reassurance that at least a
       | small fragment of this intellectual powers remained."
        
         | squigz wrote:
         | Now keep in mind that that frustration - the absolute torture
         | of losing who and what you are - applies to everyone going
         | through something like this, not just the greatest minds of
         | their time.
         | 
         | Makes me glad that we're starting to look at assisted dying
         | more seriously...
        
           | tough wrote:
           | why not try to cure alzheimer or other mental diseases that
           | show up on the elderly instead?
        
             | squigz wrote:
             | Are these mutually exclusive ideas? Can we not pursue
             | research in this area while not forcing families to watch
             | their loved ones slowly lose their mind and wither away?
        
               | tough wrote:
               | I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to research
               | how these laws are already affecting families too in new
               | ways on places where eutanasia is already legal.
               | 
               | It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what about
               | not such clear cut cases, some families are actually
               | against their beloved ones taking their lifes, and the
               | state allowing it, (Parents suing their offspring, to try
               | and not have them do it, for example)
               | 
               | and yes, a judge rules out on such cases, but to me,
               | well, i dont see why the state should -sanction- taking
               | your own life, when is something that shouldn't be
               | natural, there's medical cases for sure, but laws sadly
               | aren't perfect, i'd rather have no one wrongly off
               | themselves
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | > I guess we can explore both, but I'd ask you to
               | research how these laws are already affecting families
               | too in new ways on places where eutanasia is already
               | legal.
               | 
               | Can you provide some reading? Because this doesn't really
               | mean much by itself.
               | 
               | > It's easy on older -about to die-, people, but what
               | about not such clear cut cases, some families are
               | actually against their beloved ones taking their lifes,
               | and the state allowing it, (Parents suing their
               | offspring, to try and not have them do it, for example)
               | 
               | Then those families can talk about it and the person
               | dying can make their choice. The families who don't like
               | it can do what they want, just like those who do want it.
               | 
               | > when is something that shouldn't be natural,
               | 
               | Almost nothing about our modern life is "natural",
               | including most of medicine. That said, how is death
               | unnatural?
        
               | tough wrote:
               | > Almost nothing about our modern life is "natural",
               | including most of medicine. That said, how is death
               | unnatural?
               | 
               | only meant having to bear the death of your child before
               | you, usually a parent dies first, although i guess infant
               | mortality rates where much higher until recent times...
               | 
               | this recent case what i was thinking specifically https:/
               | /www.elconfidencial.com/espana/2025-03-17/justicia-av...
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | > The young woman has been in a wheelchair for years
               | after falling from the top of a building .
               | 
               | > He added that his daughter suffers from mental problems
               | with suicidal tendencies and constant changes of heart,
               | and therefore needed psychological treatment, not
               | assisted death.
               | 
               | > "The patient's capacity to make decisions has also been
               | verified," the ruling states, "by the attending physician
               | and the psychologist at the Hospital Residencia . The
               | plaintiff has not presented any evidence that could
               | refute the conclusions of these reports. They show that
               | Noelia retains her capacity to make all types of
               | decisions, including, therefore, the decision to undergo
               | euthanasia."
               | 
               | This is a terribly sad situation all around, but I don't
               | see this as evidence for why euthanasia laws are bad. The
               | best I can see is that this highlights that we shouldn't
               | push euthanasia as a solution to every lifelong
               | disability, but that s a social/cultural issue, not a
               | legal one - and one that we will certainly have to adapt
               | to as assisted dying becomes more socially accepted.
               | There will likely be more stories where, arguably, it
               | goes too far, but I don't think there will be an epidemic
               | of people offing themselves for relatively minor things.
               | 
               | > only meant having to bear the death of your child
               | before you
               | 
               | Of course this is sad, but given the context of the
               | conversation, the other choice being watching a child
               | lose their mind or suffer in a world that is
               | extraordinarily hostile to disabled people, I don't think
               | saving the parents one type of pain (while subjecting
               | them to another) is a really great idea either.
               | 
               | Also, isn't it better to have a way for people to kill
               | themselves "cleanly", rather than kill themselves at home
               | (or worse, in public)? Presumably finding one's child
               | like that would be far worse?
               | 
               | (Of course, none of this is to say that we shouldn't
               | e.g., make the world more accessible to disabled people,
               | or help people learn to live with their disabilities, or
               | try to cure Alzheimer's and the like - but as said, we
               | can do all of these things at once. In the meantime,
               | before we cure Alzheimer's and make everyone perfectly
               | mentally healthy, we should also deal with the harsh
               | realities that not having done those things entails.)
        
               | tough wrote:
               | I didnt link them but several similar cases around mental
               | illness.
               | 
               | IMHO a state shouldn't give individuals the right to off
               | themselves.
               | 
               | Nature and physics already do, providing laws and a
               | framework around it perverses it to push that people that
               | feels out of society to bad decisions some times
               | 
               | Maybe its better to have them be able to do it -cleanly-
               | and legally, but that also means more of them do?
               | 
               | I don't see mental health, or disabilities, as granting
               | ending your own life, my worry is this discourse around
               | euthansia is actively against that view and detremines
               | the experience of humans that are considered not optimal
               | to society as they where a throw away toy
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | > IMHO a state shouldn't give individuals the right to
               | off themselves.
               | 
               | This is a really terrible way of putting it (another way
               | of putting it might be "the right to end their
               | suffering"), not to mention that a state needs a good
               | reason to deny its citizens of rights, not the other way
               | around. I don't see any good reason why we should deny
               | people the right to end their suffering when they choose.
               | 
               | > Maybe its better to have them be able to do it
               | -cleanly- and legally, but that also means more of them
               | do?
               | 
               | I don't think assisted dying being accessible is going to
               | cause more people to become suicidal, no.
               | 
               | > I don't see mental health, or disabilities, as granting
               | ending your own life
               | 
               | The thing is, you don't get to decide that for me either,
               | on a legal basis. You're welcome to feel this way
               | yourself, of course, and encourage your friends and
               | family not do so, but you don't have the right to decide
               | that for others.
               | 
               | > my worry is this discourse around euthansia is actively
               | against that view and detremines the experience of humans
               | that are considered not optimal to society as they where
               | a throw away toy
               | 
               | The thing is... we already do. Disabled, elderly,
               | neurodivergent... There are large groups of people that
               | society has been failing for a long time. Giving some of
               | those groups (like the elderly) the option to not have to
               | endure that seems to me a good thing.
        
               | tough wrote:
               | I agree with you overall but i feel the legislation isn't
               | as nuanced and enables second order effects we can't
               | preconcieve.
               | 
               | But you're right it is not my right to decide for others
               | either, and i abide to the laws and will respect others
               | choosing to enact and follow this one, I just don't love
               | the fact I guess
        
               | 1123581321 wrote:
               | It will be mutually exclusive along some class line if we
               | try to pursue both. Additionally, without the desire to
               | preserve life and value of the advantages of aged minds,
               | we will not make as much progress on the disease.
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | Well, we are not "trying to" pursue both - we actively
               | are. Anyway, there certainly is much discussion to be had
               | about class discrimination in medical care, but that
               | seems out of scope for this thread - not least because of
               | very simple things like some country's healthcare systems
               | being radically different than others.
               | 
               | > Additionally, without the desire to preserve life and
               | value of the advantages of aged minds, we will not make
               | as much progress on the disease.
               | 
               | I'm not sure why you think that easing end-of-life
               | suffering would lead us to stop preserving life?
               | 
               | We're also not talking about "aged minds," we're talking
               | about damaged minds - and even if we were, we're not
               | talking about de-aging or anything like that.
        
               | 1123581321 wrote:
               | I appreciate the response. I said "trying" because
               | neither the disease research or the policy change has
               | broadly succeeded yet, and I don't think either are
               | certain.
        
             | yapyap wrote:
             | because assisted suicide is a bit more damn easy than
             | "curing alzheimer"
             | 
             | why not cure cancer while you're at it
        
               | tough wrote:
               | well I didn't ask which one was easier but more worthy to
               | pursue
        
             | bryanrasmussen wrote:
             | I doubt you can cure these diseases, you can perhaps
             | prevent them, but to cure would mean removing their
             | effects, and if you could remove their effects and say,
             | bring a seriously deteriorated Von Neumann back to his
             | previous mental heights it seems like you should be able to
             | make anyone the equal of Von Neumann - which I agree would
             | be a great thing to be able to do but seems to be a much
             | further along than the words cure or prevent would
             | indicate.
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | > I agree would be a great thing to be able to do but
               | seems to be a much further along than the words cure or
               | prevent would indicate.
               | 
               | If the words "cure" or "prevent" don't indicate that, why
               | did you bring it up? :)
               | 
               | I think this is being needlessly pedantic. Keeping in
               | mind that one of HN's guidelines is to respond to the
               | strongest plausible interpretation of a comment, I think
               | we can assume that GP meant, essentially, "learn enough
               | about these diseases so as to detect and prevent them
               | from causing irreparable damage"
        
               | ElevenLathe wrote:
               | The "disease" we're talking about here is death. Von
               | Neumann was losing his mental capacity because he was
               | dying. I know some in the silicon valley set think that
               | "curing" death is both feasible and desirable but I
               | disagree on both points.
        
               | sinenomine wrote:
               | A voice from outside SV (mine): We can extend life and
               | prevent disease in animals and should do the same in
               | human beings. As much as the West has exclusive access to
               | biomedical R&D, it's an ethical imperative for the West
               | to pursue this goal on behalf of humanity as a whole.
               | 
               | You invented _noblesse oblige_ and should measure up to
               | it.
        
               | tough wrote:
               | no death is just part of life, there's no life without
               | death.
               | 
               | the disease would be alzheimer, and curing it would mean
               | probably preventing it / being able to edit the genome to
               | nullify whatever gen is making it come up in the first
               | place (if its genetic)
        
               | bryanrasmussen wrote:
               | sorry but the strongest plausible interpretation of the
               | word cure is obviously not "prevent", it is to undo the
               | damage.
               | 
               | >If the words "cure" or "prevent" don't indicate that,
               | why did you bring it up? :)
               | 
               | the strongest plausible interpretation of my comment
               | would be I brought it up for the reason I said - that if
               | you could cure the disease you would have to be able to
               | give anyone the capabilities the disease destroyed
               | (because these diseases seem to destroy parts of the
               | brain so even if you "brought back" the brain it would be
               | a different brain with different data in it)- and that,
               | although I did not state it, I felt that the original
               | poster had not considered this when they expressed a wish
               | to cure.
               | 
               | on edit: obviously if you have experienced minor damage
               | you can get back to what you were before because the
               | brain has a lot of redundancies and it can recover if
               | decline is halted, but if you have experienced major
               | damage you're probably not getting back and asking for a
               | cure there seems unlikely to work.
        
               | cjbgkagh wrote:
               | There is a world of difference between removing an
               | inhibitor and adding an enhancement.
        
               | bryanrasmussen wrote:
               | since these diseases destroy parts of the brain not just
               | inhibit the functioning of the brain you would need to
               | add an enhancement and not remove an inhibitor to bring
               | back lost functionality.
        
               | cjbgkagh wrote:
               | Depends very much on the disease, for my specific type of
               | brain fog from dysautonomia (via ME/CFS and hEDS) it may
               | feel like a gradual and permanent degradation but it is
               | largely completely reversible and when you know what
               | you're doing it's actually pretty easy to do so. This is
               | only known by a very small minority of doctors so the
               | chance a specific patient meets such a doctor is
               | incredibly low which is why most people still think it's
               | some great big mystery. I was able to remove the
               | inhibitor and bounce back better than ever. I think the
               | brain fog in my case was caused by excess IL-1B pro-
               | inflammatory cytokines and directly targeting that with
               | medication did result in the brain fog near permanently
               | lifting.
               | 
               | It's also likely that even if the degradation is
               | permanent it is also likely multifaceted and one of those
               | facets is likely to be treatable such that the impact of
               | the degradation could be greatly reduced. I think it's
               | incumbent on us to try as much as possible even in the
               | seemingly lost causes because learnings from such
               | attempts could yield insights for those who are not lost
               | causes.
               | 
               | It's a ridiculous conflation to suggest that the
               | inability to take a regular person and give them Von
               | Neumann intelligence means that we can't help Von Neumann
               | stuffing an ailment even if a component of that ailment
               | is clearly permanent.
        
               | bryanrasmussen wrote:
               | >Depends very much on the disease, for my specific type
               | of brain fog from dysautonomia (via ME/CFS and hEDS)
               | 
               | sorry, I thought we were talking about Alzheimer's
               | because Alzheimer's was what was mentioned in the post I
               | responded to but now I see it is in fact every ailment
               | that affects the brain, and not just Alzheimer's.
               | 
               | >It's also likely that even if the degradation is
               | permanent it is also likely multifaceted and one of those
               | facets is likely to be treatable such that the impact of
               | the degradation could be greatly reduced.
               | 
               | this might be what was meant here,
               | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44277444 - when I
               | said that the brain has a lot of redundancies and of
               | course caught and stopped early enough then it wouldn't
               | be such a big problem
               | 
               | but hey, what do I know, I didn't even know what we were
               | talking about evidently, thanks for correcting me.
               | 
               | >It's a ridiculous conflation to suggest that the
               | inability to take a regular person and give them Von
               | Neumann intelligence means that we can't help Von Neumann
               | stuffing an ailment even if a component of that ailment
               | is clearly permanent.
               | 
               | OK well I guess I am taking a more stringent meaning of
               | cure than you are, you are taking the relieve meaning,
               | which is of course to help, but I am taking the revert
               | meaning. I believe mine is a pretty common meaning, at
               | least in the vernacular. I mean when they say we cure
               | cancer they don't mean it will make the pain less intense
               | and maybe you can live twice as long as otherwise.
               | 
               | Certainly I believe the pains and problems of a disease
               | can be relieved, but in the case of Alzheimer's (sorry
               | for going back to the disease I was discussing since you
               | have informed me I was not discussing that but since I
               | was, actually, discussing that I am just going to have to
               | stick with it) it can not necessarily be reverted - it
               | can potentially be reverted as I indicated earlier if not
               | too much damage is done (because of redundancies), but if
               | for example you have late stage Alzheimer's I don't
               | believe you are going to get to cure (revert) all
               | damages.
               | 
               | In such cases you can manage to stop it and rehabilitate
               | the patient to a less damaged earlier state perhaps, but
               | otherwise I would think there was too much damage to
               | revert it, because if brain tissue is too damaged I
               | suppose (perhaps again due to a naive model of how I
               | suppose memories and knowledge are maintained in the
               | brain) that the data that was held by these damaged
               | sections is now unrecoverable.
               | 
               | on edit: removed some verbiage.
        
               | sinenomine wrote:
               | 1. As other commenters point, many cases have intact
               | memory and circuits for what would be considered "lost",
               | which activate from time to time. So it's likely a
               | question of SNR and tissue vitality (e.g. basic capillary
               | function) for these cases.
               | 
               | 2. You wouldn't believe what feats of neuroplasticity lie
               | behind a few receptors properly pushed by molecular keys.
               | We just don't have experience to describe it. Adult
               | neuroplasticity and (disproven btw) neurogenesis is a
               | rigid sad joke compared to what's possible.
        
               | sinenomine wrote:
               | With all due respect, _you didn 't even try at anything
               | resembling full effort_. There are 2, maybe 3 societies
               | in the world, which have (or had) the capacity to try
               | implementing a serious R&D effort to prevent the diseases
               | of aging. The effort has been meager so far, and
               | ultimately, compared to other major R&D directions (no,
               | I'm not talking about AI, AI is fine), it's a testament
               | to how much we value ourselves and our loved ones.
               | 
               | As an adult who already lost a few of my relatives, and
               | will probably lose a few more: if we truly loved them,
               | we'd have put at least 10% of GDP into eventually curing
               | all degenerative diseases, while implementing a simple
               | scalable cryopreservation infrastructure for those who
               | won't be there in time.
               | 
               | It could be done, The West and Asia could achieve this.
               | But didn't, due to all too well known web of aversion &
               | coping mechanisms.
               | 
               | In your small-mindedness you failed humanity.
        
               | bryanrasmussen wrote:
               | >With all due respect, you didn't even try at anything
               | resembling full effort. There are 2, maybe 3 societies in
               | the world, which have (or had) the capacity to try
               | implementing a serious R&D effort to prevent the diseases
               | of aging.
               | 
               | exactly who do you think I am? It sounds like you think I
               | am some sort of avatar of one of these societies, and for
               | some reason I am here posting on HN.
               | 
               | >while implementing a simple scalable cryopreservation
               | infrastructure for those who won't be there in time.
               | 
               | ok, well as long as its simple.
               | 
               | >In your small-mindedness you failed humanity.
               | 
               | okey-dokey, well I can definitely see you are going
               | through something right now, hope you get better.
        
               | tough wrote:
               | Yeah tbh english isn't my first language, and I meant
               | more into -finding the causes- and eradicating alzheimer,
               | aka preventing it, much like we have done with polio, or
               | whatever.
               | 
               | Not really curing people already in advanced state of the
               | maladie...
               | 
               | anyways, they're not mutually exclusive, but enhanching
               | life should preceed ending it in the order of priorities
               | imho
        
               | bryanrasmussen wrote:
               | Ok sorry about the mistake, I just made the observation
               | as a small aside, thinking perhaps you did mean cure as
               | in totally revert damage.
        
             | BolexNOLA wrote:
             | We haven't yet and likely won't for a lot of people who, to
             | be blunt about it, would quite literally rather die than
             | lose their mental faculties. Ultimately it's their choice.
             | Honestly it doesn't strike me as all too different than a
             | DNR.
        
             | mrshadowgoose wrote:
             | Do you genuinely believe that this is a binary decision, or
             | is this just anti-euthanasia rhetoric disguised as concern
             | trolling?
             | 
             | Offering humane end-of-life options to people suffering
             | today does not prohibit ongoing disease research towards
             | potentially helping people in the future.
        
               | sinenomine wrote:
               | It's not entirely binary, but there is an obvious
               | unpleasant tendency in e.g. Canada, to soft-push MAID
               | onto potentially treatable patients who don't even seek
               | medically assisted death.
               | 
               | I wouldn't want my government to have an option of
               | dealing with the problem this way, and if I needed MAID,
               | I'd just self-administer.
        
               | tough wrote:
               | Yes, it's a slippery slope once a state providing
               | assistant to suicide is law imho.
               | 
               | It just doesnt seem something a state should be charged
               | with.
        
         | kcplate wrote:
         | > In this late stage of his illness, he must have been aware
         | that this capacity was deteriorating rapidly, and the panic
         | that caused was worse than any physical pain.
         | 
         | I watched my father go through this (due to Alzheimer's) before
         | he passed away. He would say "I don't understand why I just
         | can't _think_ like I used to". It was heartbreaking. He was a
         | brilliant mathematician before the disease put him in a mental
         | prison. It was pure torture for him.
        
         | Workaccount2 wrote:
         | Watching my grandmother slide helplessly into the dark mental
         | abyss of dementia and then be lost inside it for years made me
         | realize that it is downright inhumane to not offer end of life
         | assistance to people.
        
           | bluefirebrand wrote:
           | I have conflicting feelings on it
           | 
           | On one hand, I had a similar experience with my grandfather.
           | He eventually couldn't even remember to speak English, he
           | reverted to his childhood language. When we translated, he
           | thought I was a childhood friend of his, not his grandson. It
           | was awful
           | 
           | But sometimes he would be so lucid and remember everything.
           | It was so awful thinking that "he is still in there" the idea
           | of him choosing to end it and not have those last few times
           | to talk.. I dunno
           | 
           | During one of those lucid times was the most deep and
           | important conversation I ever had with him. He understood
           | what was happening and it gave him the freedom (courage?) to
           | talk about things he'd never talked to me about before. It
           | was so important to me as a young man, I cannot imagine if he
           | had signed an end of life form and I never got to see that
           | side of him before he passed
           | 
           | Selfish of me I know. But still. Maybe this really just
           | highlights how important it is for people to really talk to
           | one another when they are alive
        
             | squigz wrote:
             | > I have conflicting feelings on it
             | 
             | As ardent a supporter of assisted death as I am, I really
             | don't think there's any other way to feel about it. You
             | illustrate exactly why these types of choices will never be
             | easy.
        
               | bluefirebrand wrote:
               | Yeah, to clarify I do support it. I think reducing
               | suffering is a noble goal and allowing people to choose
               | not to suffer needlessly is overall a good thing
               | 
               | But it definitely is not cut and dry and I can see why
               | some people are extremely resistant to the idea
        
               | tanewishly wrote:
               | Where I currently live, terminally ill nearing their end
               | often fall in a pattern of eating and drinking less and
               | less, to the point of having nothing (not even water).
               | This process of dying takes 1-2 weeks(!). Longer if some
               | liquid is still imbibed.
               | 
               | This is a common ending of a terminally ill process and
               | apparently seen as humane. Though I think if anyone
               | treated their dog like that, we'd report them for animal
               | abuse.
               | 
               | I don't have good answers to most questions surrounding
               | this topic. But I'd like to get to a point where people
               | are treated as humanely as their pets in their final
               | period. And I can't even tell you the current practice
               | isn't, just that it does not at all feel that way to me.
        
               | squigz wrote:
               | > Where I currently live, terminally ill nearing their
               | end often fall in a pattern of eating and drinking less
               | and less, to the point of having nothing (not even
               | water). This process of dying takes 1-2 weeks(!). Longer
               | if some liquid is still imbibed.
               | 
               | Even just getting to this point is usually a brutal
               | period of pain. Then you have to die like that? It's
               | frankly barbaric.
        
           | b00ty4breakfast wrote:
           | bit ironic, all this effort to extend life but it turns out
           | that living that long isn't always so great so we start
           | euthanizing folks.
           | 
           | I'm not saying it's wrong or right (I don't have a full
           | opinion on the matter yet) but it seems very indicative of
           | human endeavors more generally. Like a big a cosmic joke.
        
             | 0_gravitas wrote:
             | There's a really big gap between 'living so long' and
             | 'living with a lovecraftian deteriorating and debilitating
             | disease'
        
       | kevingadd wrote:
       | If you experience temporary cognitive decline like this
       | definitely pay attention to it, it can indicate serious stressors
       | in your life that need to be dealt with immediately. It can get
       | worse steadily if you ignore it!
        
         | bluefirebrand wrote:
         | I am actually just starting to go on medical leave from work
         | due to this
         | 
         | My performance has been going down, my anxiety and stress are
         | through the roof. Honestly you wouldn't know it from talking to
         | me, other than the fact my memory is shot
         | 
         | I'm completely forgetting stuff minutes after it happens
         | 
         | I'm very unhappy with the feeling, and I hate going on leave
         | for this, but I have to. I'm not even 40 and this is the second
         | time in my life I've burned out hard like this
        
           | beng-nl wrote:
           | Good luck friend
        
             | bluefirebrand wrote:
             | Thank you, very kind of you
             | 
             | I mostly wanted to share my current state so if other
             | people reading also recognize themselves in it, hopefully
             | they realize it isn't normal and they also go seek help
             | 
             | As for me I will be okay. I've been through this before on
             | my own and managed. This time I have a partner to help me
             | through too
        
           | zellyn wrote:
           | This happened to me during the pandemic. High (insupportable)
           | stress, plus a year or two of significantly too little sleep,
           | plus social isolation.
           | 
           | It was terrifying. I had just seen my mom taken by
           | Alzheimer's (or something similar) way too young, and thought
           | my life was over.
           | 
           | All the tests coming back negative, making a point of hanging
           | out with friends, returning to the office, and getting enough
           | sleep seemed to help, and it slowly started getting better.
        
             | bluefirebrand wrote:
             | I am somewhat the opposite. The pandemic was great for me.
             | Being able to work remotely is wonderful. Much less
             | stressful than commuting daily, more free time, less
             | scrutiny during work hours and I don't live alone so
             | staying home isn't isolating
             | 
             | I definitely do need to spend more time out of the house
             | with friends and such though
             | 
             | Most of my current stress is due to AI fears, layoffs
             | looming, uncertain about the future job market for my
             | skills, and such. Definitely too little sleep
             | 
             | I think I'm too young for Alzheimer's to be a serious
             | concern but it does run in the family so it might be worth
             | asking my doctor about it. I hadn't thought of that
             | 
             | I really do think that it's mostly a combination of my
             | company having like 6 rounds of layoffs in the last couple
             | of years, plus them turning up the pressure to use AI as a
             | daily driver now.
             | 
             | I've been trying but I just cannot get the productivity out
             | of it that other people are claiming. Makes me feel
             | obsolete
             | 
             | Edit: I also can't really wrap my head around my coworkers
             | who are gleefully embracing AI tools after watching the
             | company cut literally half of our development team over the
             | past couple of years.
             | 
             | It makes me feel like I'm watching chickens sharpen the
             | farmer's axe
        
               | zellyn wrote:
               | I think sleep is possibly the most important part. I also
               | did a sleep study and started using a CPAP machine: might
               | want to look into that if it's a possibility...
        
               | bluefirebrand wrote:
               | I do have one already and it helps a great deal for
               | getting good sleep when I can
               | 
               | But it does not help me get to sleep in the first place
               | unfortunately. Too much anxiety
               | 
               | I appreciate the suggestion though and if anyone else
               | struggles to sleep, wakes up randomly out of breath, I do
               | strongly recommend a cpap. It is great for me when I
               | actually can sleep
        
       | DougN7 wrote:
       | What is "the genie" that is referred to a few times? An AI coding
       | copilot?
        
         | zellyn wrote:
         | Yes. LLMs
        
       | GarnetFloride wrote:
       | I was in a car crash and spent a month in the hospital where they
       | gave me heavy-duty pain killers. I could tell I was having
       | cognitive issues because I couldn't remember words that I knew I
       | used before, but I wasn't curious about it.
       | 
       | After a while they halved the prescription and after a few hours
       | I could feel my words returning. It was terrifying to feel my IQ
       | rise substantially. Before I left eh hospital they gave me
       | various cognitive and mental tests and it was reassuring to be
       | told that I was in the 96 percentile of my peer group (college
       | educated, engineers)
       | 
       | We deal with a parent with dementia and another with a stroke.
       | The difficult part with all of these are not really seeing the
       | decline from the inside, sometimes there are the acknowledgment
       | of hints of decline but mostly you don't want to think about it
       | and compensate as best as you can.
        
         | nottorp wrote:
         | Heavy duty pain killers tend to do that but it's temporary.
         | 
         | I remember having a particularly nasty dentist visit after
         | which I kept myself stuffed with a painkiller i hadn't head of,
         | on her instructions. Then going to the corner store and
         | forgetting why I went there.
         | 
         | Permanent cognitive decline is another, much sadder, topic.
        
       | squeegee_scream wrote:
       | I've had cognitive decline over the past 6 years. I turn 41 this
       | year. It's strongly (maybe solely) due to stress, anxiety,
       | depression, migraines, and insomnia. This entire clusterfuck
       | started 6 years ago because, while I had the skills to excel in
       | school and career, I was sorely lacking in the skills to be a
       | father, husband, and homeowner. When I got married and we began
       | having children, my decline began. But it was slow enough and
       | normal enough at first (new parents often don't get enough sleep,
       | they often have extra stress and anxiety, etc) that I did nothing
       | to combat it. It wasn't until 2021 with all the added awfulness
       | of 18 months of a global pandemic that it become obvious things
       | were unsustainable. I was barely able to function at work, I was
       | being put on a PIP, and I was almost completely absent from my
       | family. When I was with my family I was irritable, angry,
       | constantly complaining.
       | 
       | I got on antidepressants and that helped, though it came with
       | it's own set of problems. I started seeing counselors, reading
       | self-help books, I went through 6 months of cognitive behavioral
       | therapy for insomnia (CBTi), working with a neurologist to get
       | migraines under control, seeking help wherever I could. It has
       | been a slow process but I'm doing a lot better. I'm still nowhere
       | near where I was cognitively. In fact I don't know that has
       | improved much at all. And it's only been in the past year that
       | I've began to understand my decline as a result of jumping into
       | marriage, fatherhood, and home ownership without the necessary
       | skills to handle them. I'm hopeful things will continue to
       | improve, I've learned an enormous amount about life, fatherhood,
       | marriage, love, forgiveness, hope, and priorities.
       | 
       | If you are a young parent, or considering being a parent soon,
       | work on yourself. Ensure you have the skills you need or your
       | life (and the lives of those near to you) will become a bag of
       | utter despair filled with shit.
        
         | 12_throw_away wrote:
         | Hey I think you might be me, this is basically me in most
         | respects. I have nothing helpful to say except to say yeah,
         | this is a real thing that I think many people are silently
         | suffering through right now, 5-ish years post-pandemic.
        
         | mickelsen wrote:
         | Hey. I also fell through the cracks during the pandemic, laid
         | off at the height of the hiring market, but unable and
         | unwilling to go back, developed tinnitus (gone, phew!), had
         | cognitive issues too that really took a lot of time to improve,
         | and I'm only in my 30s.
         | 
         | But it got better, and I'm in a better place now. It felt like
         | I'd never get there; always tiny improvements but not quite
         | there. Last year I finally felt the burnout gone. I stopped
         | being so cynical. My life was better already, but still my mind
         | was not quite there yet.
         | 
         | Now just this year I've rekindled my curiosity, using my free
         | time again for little projects, not leaving piles of unfinished
         | stuff around the house, it's something that's even noticeable
         | from the outside - the little things. So now, moving forward, I
         | take it easy, forgive myself, try again and don't subject
         | myself to unattainable benchmarks.
        
       | cjbgkagh wrote:
       | I used to get this pretty regularly, I thought I just keep
       | burning out. I have an unusually high IQ and noticed that my
       | symptoms were very similar to the string of condensed matter
       | physicists that committed suicide. Their descriptions of their
       | health issues before they killed themselves mirrored my own and I
       | too used the Flowers from Algernon to describe my difficulties to
       | others. I shared other weird stuff like extreme sleep difficulty
       | and extreme noise intolerance. I found out only relatively
       | recently it was due to ME/CFS which was from undiagnosed hEDS, a
       | condition nowhere near as rare as it's thought to be. I had been
       | to see a huge amount of doctors and none of them diagnosed me
       | with this despite being a walking bag of symptoms and having
       | extreme hyper-mobility. Anyway, I think tech, like physics, has a
       | fairly strong IQ selection criteria bias so I've noticed a
       | concentration of the same health issues here on HN.
       | 
       | The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia and
       | excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter with
       | a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and DIM. I
       | treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil, amitryptiline, and a
       | low dose of semaglutide (ozempic).
        
         | antisthenes wrote:
         | > The characteristic brain fog seems to be tied to dysautonomia
         | and excess IL-1B pro-inflammatory cytokines. I treat the latter
         | with a strict no sugar diet, and high doses of D3, TUDCA, and
         | DIM. I treat the dysautonomia with LDN, modafinil,
         | amitryptiline, and a low dose of semaglutide (ozempic).
         | 
         | Does it work?
        
           | cjbgkagh wrote:
           | Very much so, night and day. I've been pretty much issue free
           | for 2 years, except for PEM which means I have to avoid
           | cardio. I don't know how to fix that. Instead of cardio I eat
           | healthy and lift weights. I was one of those gifted kids
           | which was a hell of an advantage but things slipped away from
           | me as I got older, now I'm back and as good as ever.
        
         | marliechiller wrote:
         | Interesting - your story of ME/CFS mirrors mine. Mine was
         | triggered by a really mild cold a couple of years back, likely
         | COVID. Thankfully a lot more research is going on into this,
         | and im mostly back to full health now but the brain fog made me
         | doubt myself at work a lot more than usual.
        
         | anthk wrote:
         | Beware with Ozempic, it can cause eye issues.
        
       | at_a_remove wrote:
       | I have a fairly unusual genetic disorder, and quite rare to boot
       | in this particular variant. The gold standard cocktail contains a
       | medication which, while effective in dealing with one facet of
       | the pain, absolutely turns down the dimmer switch on my mind in
       | fairly particular ways. Gait is affected the next day, along with
       | a mild aphasia. During the peak, however, I am dumb as a box of
       | rocks. Math and spatial business seem fine. I can still program,
       | however. Just do not talk to me, as communication is ...
       | troublesome.
       | 
       | I usually skip this portion of the cocktail unless things are
       | particularly bad. The disorder is progressive, so when it comes
       | for my brain, well, that's when things are over. I do not have
       | much going on for me in terms of personal value except for, well,
       | solving problems.
       | 
       | A very close friend of mine has had _two_ hospitalizations for
       | gangrene, and the second one absolutely devastated his cognitive
       | abilities. He has leveled off at about eighty-five percent of
       | where he was before. If he is tired or feeling unwell, verbal
       | perseveration begins.
       | 
       | My mother is fairly well-on in her years. She used to have a
       | tremendous vocabulary, despite her very limited education. Now,
       | she has begun to lose words and I end up "translating" for her
       | because I know what she is getting at. She _could_ do crosswords
       | but refuses to, even the Monday selections, which are typically
       | the easiest. Very recently, she has begun misplacing things. I
       | had my suspicions, and during a routine head, neck, and brain
       | imaging for something else, I checked out the results and, sure
       | enough, some loss of volume in the right hippocampus.
        
       | eszed wrote:
       | > I've always identified with my thinking--I have value because
       | I'm smart. Turns out, as with all attachment, this is a mistake.
       | 
       | I experienced a period of severe cognitive deficit while
       | recovering from a medical episode. We didn't know whether it
       | would be permanent or not. I also discovered - as a fellow my-IQ-
       | is-my-identity person - that it didn't matter anywhere near as
       | much as I'd have expected it would. I was still able to
       | experience love, and joy, and humour. Some things sucked, and
       | were frustrating, like not being able to retain enough
       | information to read a moderately-complex piece of prose, but the
       | point is that I still _felt like myself_ , even at a very low
       | cognitive level. I'm immensely comforted. I expect I'll
       | experience that again, as I (hopefully!) age, but it holds no
       | particular terror anymore.
        
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