[HN Gopher] A new start after 60: I became a 'hummingbird' for p...
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A new start after 60: I became a 'hummingbird' for people with
dementia
Author : bookofjoe
Score : 148 points
Date : 2024-11-25 15:10 UTC (4 days ago)
(HTM) web link (www.theguardian.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.theguardian.com)
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| I cannot recommend volunteering enough.
|
| It's not just for old folks. Many of the skills that I used in my
| career, were honed doing volunteer work.
|
| I've been doing this kind of work, all my life, and retiring just
| gave me more time to devote to it.
|
| _> NOTE: Not a bed of roses, unless you count all the thorns._
| JackMorgan wrote:
| Volunteering is such a great way to fill the soul!
|
| There's so many ways to volunteer, always another way to help
| if you need a change. I got into fire fighting last year, and
| now help with ambulance volunteering. I also do free job skills
| tutoring, that's a fun way to interact with people directly.
| JacobHenner wrote:
| Similar experience, I highly recommend
| Loughla wrote:
| I've talked about it on here before, but I love volunteering in
| nursing homes for very selfish reasons.
|
| The people in there have lived lives. They may be out of touch
| but they know things. I talk with residents about my hobbies of
| woodworking, gardening, canning, hunting, fishing, and wild
| gathered food.
|
| I've learned WAY more with those conversations than YouTube or
| books could've ever taught me. It's absolutely worth your time.
|
| And nursing homes are always looking for people to spend time
| with the very lonely residents.
|
| Anyone with a hobby that isn't technology should do that.
| dax_ wrote:
| That's really great - I imagine the people there also love
| sharing their knowledge, it gives them a feeling of helping
| too.
| joenot443 wrote:
| Any programs in NYC you'd particularly recommend? I'll be
| moving back in a few months and would love to start
| volunteering.
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| There's a ton. NY is a fairly "socialist" state, and has a
| lot of altruistic (and non-altruistic) stuff going on, but
| most of my volunteer work has been for an organization, of
| which I'm a member, and I do Service for other members.
|
| I am more than happy to chat about it, but I don't usually
| discuss it at the level of Press, Radio, and Film. Drop me an
| email.
| oersted wrote:
| I adored my two visits to the Computer History Museum in Palo
| Alto, the guided tours and showcases were run by volunteer
| retired industry veterans. It was obvious that they loved doing
| it, and it was such a privilege to hear from the people
| icebreaking right at the beginning of all of this, back when it
| was all punchcards, tape and big-ol' mainframes. They were
| still playing around with the old tech, restoring it and doing
| cool new things with it, just for the joy of it.
| falcor84 wrote:
| Just to confirm, you mean the one in Mountain View, right? Or
| is there another one in Palo Alto?
| oersted wrote:
| Yes my bad.
| Willingham wrote:
| happiness isn't something we can "demand." It's something that
| comes upon us quietly, when we serve others.
| neom wrote:
| On top of that, imo, happiness isn't a state we can live in, it
| comes and it goes, and that is ok.
| justinclift wrote:
| > At their worst, they can come out with some unexpected things,
| like swearing at you ...
|
| Sounds like they've screened the residents for bad behaviour.
|
| Some people with dementia are much worse. ie: extremely
| aggressive, and can be pretty violent. :( :( :(
| borski wrote:
| But not all the time, and that is the point. Plus, most of the
| people with dementia that are extremely aggressive and/or
| violent are that way due to a lack of socialization and an
| extreme sense of loneliness.
|
| Of course that's not always true, and I can guarantee that
| volunteering there is not always pleasant.
|
| But that doesn't mean it isn't rewarding or worthwhile all the
| same.
| justinclift wrote:
| > But not all the time, and that is the point.
|
| That bit's not clear to me.
|
| If a person is (ever?) that way, then they shouldn't be in
| one of these places that contains "nice" people. Otherwise
| the nice people are going to be pretty unhappy in short
| order.
|
| > most of the people with dementia that are extremely
| aggressive and/or violent are that way due to a lack of
| socialization
|
| That's one way to describe my ex-biker father I guess. ;)
|
| I wouldn't even say you're wrong. His response to any kind of
| desire for people to socialize him is... also aggression
| and/or violence.
| elzbardico wrote:
| Dementia removes a lot of the executive functioning that
| allow people who are jerks to keep their jerkness under
| control.
|
| For example: A racist with dementia will probably become
| more of a racist, as he will lack the conscious reasoning
| that tells him he must keep some thoughts for himself.
|
| My mother routinelly called heir caretakers the N world on
| her last years.
|
| She was educated in another age, has during most of her
| life kept this side of her personality, from her early
| formation under control, but just couldn't control it
| anymore with Dementia.
| vasco wrote:
| They either separate them or more usually medicate them so
| they can't abuse other patients or the staff. They
| basically become bedridden on pills, and are sleepy all the
| time. The old people places love those patients because
| they are much less work and you can keep milking the family
| for much longer. The person has no awareness of themselves
| or their surroundings, sleeps all day, I cannot understand
| how this is allowed.
|
| I have a family member being put through this for the past
| few years, though I have no power to change the situation
| as other people are in control.
| borski wrote:
| > If a person is (ever?) that way, then they shouldn't be
| in one of these places that contains "nice" people.
| Otherwise the nice people are going to be pretty unhappy in
| short order.
|
| Nah. The people who volunteer for this kind of thing
| understand that this is almost never the patient's "fault."
| Having dementia is a lot of things: terrifying,
| infuriating, lonely, confusing, and so on. In many cases,
| you also lose executive function slowly but at a consistent
| pace, adding to the confusion.
|
| Sometimes, every patient gets irritable and angry. They
| actually mention in the article that _then_ is when they
| "flit" like a hummingbird to another patient.
|
| > That's one way to describe my ex-biker father I guess. ;)
| > I wouldn't even say you're wrong. His response to any
| kind of desire for people to socialize him is... also
| aggression and/or violence.
|
| Heh, I meant no offense, honestly. The reason I put it that
| way is because the socialization at that age is so so
| important; these people are confused and scared, and that
| can lead to anger. It requires immense compassion to get
| past that, but if you can, man... the amount of reward that
| can come from that is immensely powerful. I've never had a
| bigger dopamine hit other than saving an animal's life (I
| foster kittens).
| justinclift wrote:
| > The people who volunteer for this kind of thing ...
|
| I was meaning the other residents in the same location.
| Don't inflict bad people on them. :(
|
| > It requires immense compassion to get past that, but if
| you can, man... the amount of reward that can come from
| that is immensely powerful.
|
| Nope. That's just silly. You're welcome to come here and
| try if you want, but I guarantee you'll change your
| opinion after experiencing this personally for a few
| days. :(
| joseda-hg wrote:
| Can't speak to other countries, but where I live they're
| specifically separated
|
| Non violent residents were afforded many liberties, violent
| ones were moved to a different slightly better equiped facility
| (I guess it's easier to find funding to keep "the crazies" in
| check vs just caring for demented people)
| vladgur wrote:
| An honest question - why can't volunteering be a job?
|
| From a free market principle, doesn't giving your time for free
| for what is clearly of a lot value send the wrong incentives to
| organizations who are paid (whether by tax payers or patients) to
| deliver the value you're giving away
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| Not usually. The main reason that these organizations need
| volunteers is, is because most folks don't think they are worth
| supporting, financially.
|
| This is often because they serve segments of the population
| that represent a small demographic, or because the causes they
| champion don't enjoy mainstream support.
|
| There are some organizations that abuse volunteers, but they
| are few and far between (but are treated as typical, when folks
| want to attack).
|
| Also, when you pay for work, you get work, but there's no
| guarantee of "heart." In many cases, the emotional investment
| is worth far more than the financial worth.
|
| I've been doing volunteer work for over 40 years. Much of it
| has been _extremely_ valuable tech work, and much of that work
| has been treated in rather shabby fashion. When people get
| stuff for free, they often devalue it. This is common, in
| nonprofit work. It can certainly be maddening.
|
| I do it anyway. I tend to think of the final end-users of my
| work, as opposed to the middlemen/women (BTW: volunteering is a
| great way to meet potential romantic interests -I don't care;
| I'm married).
| immibis wrote:
| In a free market system, if nobody thinks something is worth
| supporting financially, then it isn't worth supporting
| financially, and doing it for free distorts the economy and
| reduces efficiency.
| jhklvdblre wrote:
| Is there a difference between "I think this cause is worth
| supporting with my money (which will be used to pay
| someone's salary)" and "I think this cause is worth
| supporting with my time"?
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| Well, I'll do it anyway. I get a lot from it, personally.
|
| It seems we have different ways of looking at the world.
| vasco wrote:
| Let's kill the old people then so we don't distort the
| market.
| amake wrote:
| Sounds like a shitty system.
| Empact wrote:
| You have a mistaken conception of the free market. The
| voluntary action we do in upholding our families and
| communities is foundational to the economy - voluntary
| action is the space in which economic liberty occurs.
|
| It doesn't reduce efficiency because the volunteers are the
| judge of worth and their's is the only opinion that
| matters. The cost of providing services can be quite low
| when the labor is volunteered, so the cost to benefit tilts
| heavily in the direction of net benefit, i.e. efficiency in
| producing positive outcomes at a particular cost.
| triceratops wrote:
| Volunteers clearly get value out of volunteering, otherwise
| they wouldn't do it. Everyone is free to define their own
| measure of value. That's one of the reasons it's called a
| "free" market. A market where money is the only measure of
| value is definitionally not a free market.
|
| > doing it for free distorts the economy
|
| It's very noble of you to do stuff for "the economy". Most
| just pursue selfish needs and desires like food, clothing,
| shelter, and wanting to make a difference in others' lives.
| dennis_jeeves2 wrote:
| Well, a free market system is 'free'. You donate your money
| or your effort or do neither. The money part of transaction
| is not set in stone.
| jborden13 wrote:
| I run marketing for a non-profit that supports a number of
| community programs.
|
| One of which provides free in-school dental care for rural
| children, regardless of insurance or nationality. The grant
| funding ran out years ago and the non-profit has been funding
| thousands of dental treatments out of its reserves - which is
| obviously quite expensive.
|
| All of this is to say I was tasked with creating and running a
| fundraising campaign with a budget of $300 - to raise funds for
| a 6 figure annual expense. My budget is so small because all of
| the other budget went to child dental wellness.
|
| It's a multi-week campaign and if I brought on incremental
| labor costs with each volunteer - I would be in gross violation
| of minimum wage laws and sink the non-profit due to the minimal
| resources available.
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| Thanks so much for your Service!
|
| That's a great service.
| pjerem wrote:
| Because free market is sometimes (in fact a lot of the times)
| bullshit.
|
| Free market doesn't work when people have no personal interest
| on something and in itself promotes individualism.
|
| So free market doesn't care about people who suffer so much
| they become a burden to the economy.
|
| And that's for any suffering, not only pain : you can be of no
| interest for free markets if you are poor, sick, isolated,
| homeless, if your country is at war, under influence,
| constrained, abused or just unlucky ...
|
| Free markets can fulfill most of the human needs by
| transforming money from and into goods and services but if
| there is something it's not going to do, it's to _care_.
|
| It's an issue because humans naturally cares about things and
| other humans and that's how our societies aren't collapsing
| everyday.
|
| But the capitalist system, for all its proven goods, also
| inherently promotes individualism and demotes caring of the
| world and people around.
|
| Volunteers are doing the important hard work that free market
| and politics won't do.
|
| All of this could probably be avoided in a perfect democracy
| but a perfect democracy will never happen and would anyway live
| in an imperfect world.
| fifilura wrote:
| In Sweden, where the minimum salary is pretty high, and in
| general employment has many rules and laws around them, there
| would be a limit to the type of work that you can do as a
| "job".
|
| You can't just transform a volunteer to a person working for
| half the salary of the employed person next to him.
| yzydserd wrote:
| Many of The Guardian's "New Start After 60" stories are highly
| readable.
|
| https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/a-new-start-...
| logifail wrote:
| Our family is going through the experience of a elderly relative
| with dementia and I have to say it's pretty depressing (and
| borderline destructive) all round.
| 71bw wrote:
| Sadly, I can relate to this. I wouldn't wish such an experience
| even to my worst enemies. You see people turning into a husk of
| themselves, and all the family in-fighting, where one side
| wants to help them and the other considers them nothing more
| than a burden... Terrible.
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| It's even worse, if they have an estate worth anything.
|
| The family can turn into animals, fighting over it, and care
| homes have developed an entire industry, based on taking
| money away from old people (and their children).
| ben_w wrote:
| Even when we all want to help, it's extremely hard work, and
| the stress of caring burns out those who provide it.
|
| My brother organised a family home for my mum to move into
| with him and his wife, and I was able to help for as long as
| they needed; and even though sister-in-law is an active
| nurse, and also even with my bio-sister taking mum on trips
| as often as she could, it became too much.
|
| For one, mum eventually insulted the dementia daycare people
| and was told she was no longer welcome as a customer.
|
| Then there was the night she was caught in a loop of {want to
| pee, oh nothing has happened, flush toilet, leave, want to
| pee again even though the cistern hasn't yet refilled}.
|
| Or wandering out of the house and being lost immediately;
| fortunately the drivers paid attention when she crossed the
| road dangerously, and the other time she was only lost in the
| back garden so I found her immediately. But she resented not
| being allowed to wander, too.
|
| Each of us still visits the grave, when we can -- harder for
| me than the rest, as I'm in a different country now.
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