[HN Gopher] The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
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       The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
        
       Author : iafisher
       Score  : 36 points
       Date   : 2024-05-23 11:43 UTC (11 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.newyorker.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.newyorker.com)
        
       | temp0826 wrote:
       | "Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you
       | want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the
       | corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow
       | part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
       | 
       | Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
        
         | Sakos wrote:
         | This is brilliant. And it also illuminates how it can turn into
         | something deeply maladaptive and self-destructive when we cling
         | too hard to something that's passed or will eventually pass,
         | when we define ourselves too much by that which we love or are
         | loved.
         | 
         | It reminds me of all the times when I was young where I thought
         | I was deeply in love, but really I was just in love with the
         | feeling of being loved and accepted. And my grief when that was
         | gone was love that I could've directed towards myself where it
         | should've gone. It took until my 30s when I realized I could
         | provide the love that I'd been missing all my life, and only
         | then could I be in love in a way that wasn't suffocating and
         | borne of fear.
        
         | throwa9724567 wrote:
         | https://music.apple.com/us/album/grief-is-only-love/16928435...
        
         | kbelder wrote:
         | "What is grief, if not love persevering?"
         | 
         | Vision - Westview, NJ, 2023
        
         | PorterBHall wrote:
         | That's so accurate. I think of it as something that happens to
         | you. Grief comes for you, often when you least expect it. It's
         | a trap door you didn't know you were standing on.
         | 
         | Mourning, however, is active. It's a choice to turn and face
         | your loss. Grief is your body telling you that you aren't doing
         | enough to mourn.
        
       | jiggybling wrote:
       | I felt sad for her father's death but then didn't make it through
       | the great length with which she talked about a cat that you knew
       | was going to be dead anyways.
        
       | dang wrote:
       | Related:
       | 
       |  _The Strangeness of Grief_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21939131 - Jan 2020 (20
       | comments)
        
       | yanowitz wrote:
       | I found The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor really
       | helpful. It gave me a frame for why grief is a necessary part of
       | our brain processing the loss. It made it much easier to move
       | through the pain.
        
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