[HN Gopher] Why does 30 feel like a deadline?
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Why does 30 feel like a deadline?
I'm going to be 28 in a month, and I've never felt more emergency
in my entire life even though I just had a good pizza and
everything seems chill. This feeling sometimes haunts me at night.
Some days are good, I sleep well and I have a good morning coffee.
Other days I feel like I am an absolute fucking failure. I stopped
taking advice from anyone regarding career expectations because I
suddenly woke up to the fact that everyone is probably trying to
figure it out, even the most successful ones. Luck is probably a
bigger component of most successes and no one seems to know
everything for sure. All what someone has in terms of advice seems
to be their "best guesses". From where I stand I don't see any
reason to take someone's best guess over mine. If we're all trying
to figure it out, then I don't trust anybody, except maybe a few
second hand experiences from people that I find worthy. Because
we're all different, I find that most career advice sums up to
garbage, at best. I don't know whether in June 2026 I'd wake up
feeling anew, as if post 30 is a new age where life would feel like
it's just starting, or I would crush myself in despair. For now I
like to think that most of it will depend on what would happen
during the next 2 years. Strange I know!
Author : zemahran
Score : 9 points
Date : 2024-05-12 18:12 UTC (4 hours ago)
| jjgreen wrote:
| 30's a walk in the park, 31 is the bastard.
| zemahran wrote:
| Indeed! But why though
| jjgreen wrote:
| 30 and you can pretend to yourself that you're still twenty-
| something, at 31 that kind-of goes away ...
| nullindividual wrote:
| > I just had a good pizza
|
| Just wait until eating any pizza makes you feel gross, cause
| aging.
|
| > I stopped taking advice from anyone
|
| Put a period on that! That's good advice.
|
| Make sure to save up over the course of your 30s to buy that
| brand new Miata you never wanted when you turn 40.
| consf wrote:
| > Just wait until eating any pizza makes you feel gross, cause
| aging.
|
| I hope that my relationships with food will never change
| meiraleal wrote:
| it's a well known fact that hope doesn't prevent aging tho
| AnimalMuppet wrote:
| It sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to "succeed",
| to "achieve" a certain level of something by 30.
|
| What? And, more important, _why_?
|
| Comparing yourself to others is not a game you can win. You can
| only lose. So don't play.
|
| (What do I mean by "you can only lose"? Let's say there are 100
| people in your neighborhood. If you're doing better than 90 of
| them, you're not looking at them. You're looking at the 10 who
| are doing better than you. And if you're doing better than _all_
| of them, you 're not comparing yourself to them at all, because
| you're not there any more. You've moved to a better neighborhood,
| and you're comparing yourself to your _new_ neighbors.
| "Neighbors" can be real, or it can be a metaphor. As you move up,
| you start comparing yourself to new people, not to the same old
| people. And so you're still not a "success", even though you're
| on your third or fourth group of people that your comparing
| yourself to.)
|
| As I said, don't play that game.
|
| But even if you're playing a different game, even if you have a
| fixed standard of what you want to achieve, why are you
| pressuring yourself to achieve it by 30? Why the artificial
| deadline?
|
| Don't judge who you are by external achievements. Don't put your
| identity in them. Find out who _you_ are, apart from what you do.
| hazbot wrote:
| >>> I would build a startup instead of chasing job applications
| and begging for promotions.
|
| Higher expected value and more free time being an employee, but
| work on your passion and the possibility of a stellar outcome
| building a startup.
|
| Like OP says, advice is very specific to who you are and where
| you are at.
| consf wrote:
| Same here. But it's important to remember that age is just one
| aspect of life, and everyone's journey is unique.
| rvz wrote:
| > Luck is probably a bigger component of most successes and no
| one seems to know everything for sure. All what someone has in
| terms of advice seems to be their "best guesses".
|
| One of the main truths that no-one here wants to admit. There is
| always an element of luck involved which is hidden by many folk
| here reading on HN.
|
| > From where I stand I don't see any reason to take someone's
| best guess over mine. If we're all trying to figure it out, then
| I don't trust anybody, except maybe a few second hand experiences
| from people that I find worthy.
|
| Don't listen to me and do what works for you.
|
| > Because we're all different, I find that most career advice
| sums up to garbage, at best.
|
| Yes. 90% of it is outdated in a month.
|
| Most of the advice here tells you to 'climb up the career ladder'
| like they did and everyone else is doing, when the 1% of smarter
| folks are building their own escalators, and I would build a
| startup instead of chasing job applications and begging for
| promotions.
|
| It is _all about time_ and its up to you how you best use the
| next 2 years. The indisputable fact is, you can _never_ get those
| 2 years back ever again.
| travisb wrote:
| It feels like a deadline because in many ways it *is* a soft
| deadline.
|
| It is an uncomfortable fact, but at 30 you are about ten years
| into the productive fifty years of your life. You are about ten
| years into the thirty years of your life (~20~50) where you can
| take on major projects, which often take 15-20 years, and be
| confident you can see them through.
|
| It sounds like over the next two years you need to figure out
| what you want and what you can accomplish; that is lots of time.
| However, I wouldn't discount advice the way you do. It's true
| that people are figuring out where they are, but advice from
| people who've already passed through where you are in life is
| informative.
| fabianholzer wrote:
| Unless you aim to become part of somebody else's "NN under 30"
| list, 30 is no deadline at all.
| codingdave wrote:
| I'm in my 50s, and did the startup thing in my 20s during the
| original dotcom boom. It didn't matter. Your life will go on no
| matter what you do or do not do by 30. You'll spend the future
| decades learning and growing and adapting to a changing world,
| just like the rest of us. The only people whose lives peak by 30
| are the ones who stopped growing at 30. Don't do that. Keep
| living, learning and growing. Do it forever, and there are no
| deadlines... just ongoing life.
| codegeek wrote:
| I used to think like you and now that I am almost 42, I don't
| really care that much about hitting a certain thing by a certain
| age. Don't get me wrong. I still have Goals but I have stopped
| trying to set arbitrary deadlines. Important thing is to do what
| you want to do and keep going.
| meiraleal wrote:
| My life got so much better after I turned 30! It indeed felt like
| a deadline but for taking important matters more seriously -
| fitness, investments, relationships. Getting serious with those 3
| put me were I wanted to be.
|
| 30s is by far the best age for a man
| simonblack wrote:
| 30 is only a deadline if you are 'brainwashed by society's
| expectations'.
|
| Society's expectations: you must have
|
| A personable spouse to help you in your career, and be married in
| your 20s
|
| The 'prestige' house located in the 'prestige' area of town.
|
| The 'right number' of children going to the 'prestige' school
| (Note that 'right number' varies per country, in France the
| 'right number' is 3.)
|
| And of course, you must be driving the 'prestige' car.
|
| And most of all, you must have the over-extended mortgage and
| other debt to pay for all of this, and to keep you always chained
| to the money treadmill.
|
| Silly dumb me, I was sucked into all of the above, till around
| the age of 40 I realised that I didn't need to have bought into
| any of that at all.
| sph wrote:
| _> I stopped taking advice from anyone regarding career
| expectations because I suddenly woke up to the fact that everyone
| is probably trying to figure it out, even the most successful
| ones. Luck is probably a bigger component of most successes and
| no one seems to know everything for sure. All what someone has in
| terms of advice seems to be their "best guesses"._
|
| I'm 37. What has been more and more apparent to me is that most
| people don't know shit about shit. Even experts in their field.
| For example this forum, which I dearly love: if you share
| anything you have built, an idea, a counter-argument, you will
| find someone ready to demolish it and say it is worthless, not to
| waste your time. It's been done before. Nothing new exists under
| the sun.
|
| When I was younger, I thought they knew better, so I kept at it
| and learned. Now it is apparent that most people default to a
| cynical, negative kind of state. It probably it is a
| manifestation of our physiological need to conserve energy and
| not to abandon our comfort zone, a worldview we force onto other
| people, and many fossilise into without accomplishing much.
|
| So now, at 37, and perhaps more arrogant than before, I have
| learned never to take a no for an answer from anybody. Never to
| listen to anyone that says "it's stupid" or "it is impossible."
| The world and the future depends on reckless people that try to
| do what no one has dared to do before. You can still be humble
| and learn, but you'll find the true Masters are the most
| optimistic and enthusiastic ones. Keen to help and keen to share.
| The nay-sayers can be safely and absolutely ignored without
| exception.
|
| You have spent your 20s mostly learning and following orders. In
| your 30s, it is time to carve your own path, however crazy or
| silly it might be, as long as you feel that deep pull towards it
| you cannot say no to. As other said, you have at least 20 more
| years to achieve the impossible, and it is plenty of time.
|
| 30 is not a deadline, it is a threshold. You learned from the
| world, now it is time to start creating your own world.
| pygar wrote:
| The end of every decade of your life feels this way. It's how we
| measure lifespans.
|
| "By the time you reach 30 you should.." vs "By the time you reach
| 33.3 you should.."
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(page generated 2024-05-12 23:02 UTC)