[HN Gopher] The illusion of being stuck
___________________________________________________________________
The illusion of being stuck
Author : benoitmalige
Score : 172 points
Date : 2024-03-31 13:21 UTC (9 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (the-simulation-strategists.beehiiv.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (the-simulation-strategists.beehiiv.com)
| hyperhello wrote:
| Just a tip, it's actually "break free", not "brake free".
| oskapt wrote:
| And it also isn't "dreadfull." I am very skeptical of taking
| any advice from a person unable to use basic spell checking
| before publishing an article. I'm also skeptical of advice from
| someone who has only recently discovered a possible solution
| for his very personal problems and feels he should share it
| with the world. In the 12-step world there are people who only
| do the first and last steps. They're called two-steppers. You
| can look up the steps yourselves, but essentially it translates
| to, "we admitted we were powerless, that our lives had become
| unmanageable, and having had a spiritual awakening, we told
| everyone else how to fix their lives." There are a lot of steps
| in between being stuck and becoming unstuck. The author should
| just quietly repair his life and shelve his egotistical need
| for external validation.
| ufocia wrote:
| > two-steppers ... "we admitted we were powerless, that our
| lives had become unmanageable, and having had a spiritual
| awakening, we told everyone else how to fix their lives."
|
| LOL, though it may be the starting point of all the self-help
| systems, which later evolve iteratively adding intermediate
| steps.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Thank you for pointing out the spelling mistake.
|
| Your skepticism is valid; advice should be considered
| carefully, especially when it's based on personal experiences
| that might not be universally applicable. My letters are less
| about instructing others and more about sharing my
| reflections as I navigate through my own journey. It's not
| about two-stepping around the hard work of self-improvement,
| but about the ongoing process of understanding and growth.
|
| As for the need for validation, I see this platform more as a
| conversation with others who might relate or benefit from my
| experiences, rather than seeking applause.
|
| Again, I appreciate your candor -- it's an important part of
| the dialogue.
| Eudaimion wrote:
| You are taking things, way too seriously.
|
| > I'm also skeptical of advice from someone who has only
| recently discovered a possible solution for his very personal
| problems and feels he should share it with the world.
|
| Advice should never be just taken at face value. Even if it
| is a successful person giving it. Personally, any advice from
| Elon Musk is worth less, than any random link on HN.
|
| > The author should just quietly repair his life and shelve
| his egotistical need for external validation.
|
| This is just mean.
|
| I one hundred percent guarantee that there are other people,
| with the same problem as the author. And his solution will be
| useful. Sharing is a net good.
|
| TL;DR through a Dev World Prism: No, I completely disagree
| that only staff engineers should be allowed to have technical
| blogs.
| mhb wrote:
| Part of this might be that, before starting something, you can
| maintain the illusion that everything will go as you planned.
| Actually starting requires abandoning that comfortable illusion
| in the face of the reality of inevitable obstacles and
| compromises.
| rwasco wrote:
| > I impulssively bought a plane ticket to Panama:
|
| > I cried. Haven't done that in years.
|
| > I had the uncomfortable conversation with my business partner
| to tell them I no longer have passion for it and am leaving them
| the decision to continue or quit.
|
| > I forced myself to talk to strangers every single day.
|
| These also could be explained by someone entering hypomania. How
| would you distinguish stuck/unstuck from depressed/hypomanic?
| maroonblazer wrote:
| 3 of those 4 - crying, having an uncomfortable conversation,
| and talking to strangers - don't seem like symptoms of
| hypomania. The impulsive plane ticket to Panama is questionable
| too. We'd need to know a LOT more about the individual to make
| the leap from that to a disorder.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| You're right, those actions by themselves don't necessarily
| point to hypomania--they're just snippets of a larger
| journey.
|
| Panama was indeed just the beginning; the real journey has
| been internal--navigating the landscapes of self-discovery
| and learning to process my thoughts through writing.
|
| Your comment is much appreciated; it's all part of the
| conversation about understanding ourselves better. So thank
| you for that.
| imbnwa wrote:
| I don't see the virtue of grounding an empirical wisdom in some
| species of scientific (mechanical might be better the term?)
| description. Funny enough, in relation to your comment, I've
| never met anyone motivated by this brand of advocacy who didn't
| suffer swings in depression; as if 'science' were some exterior
| mass whose gravity/gravitas would pull them up and out from the
| dregs of the swamp by virtue of its sheer presence to mind.
| hallway_monitor wrote:
| I think these labels definitely apply, if you think about it as
| a spectrum. Maybe the author's state wasn't pathological in
| either case but he definitely went from low energy to high
| energy.
|
| I notice these shifts in myself and others; deciding to change
| it is the only way to get yourself out of a rut in my
| experience. When I do feel a little too "amped up" I use that
| energy and just make sure to avoid big decisions.
| mynameisvlad wrote:
| These energy levels are all relative, though. If you've spent
| most of your life in a depressed state, then suddenly having
| energy (possibly because you're dealing with your mental health
| for the first time) then a lot of things are going to look like
| "hypomania" in comparison and I feel like that is the case for
| a lot of people.
| sdwr wrote:
| Where it turns into mania, in my experience, is when you
| start doubling down repeatedly. If your good feeling comes
| from believing that you are making a huge change in your
| life, you get anchored to the rate of change, and start
| needing bigger and bigger feelings to keep up.
|
| It's a kind of self-ponzi scheme - nothing has tangibly
| gotten better, all you have is the belief.
| nullindividual wrote:
| Hypomania is an unusual level of excitement and happiness;
| 'thinking straight' becomes difficult, but it doesn't feel
| that way in the moment.
|
| Happiness and hypomania are easily distinguishable.
| sdwr wrote:
| There's a big grey area in the middle. How you want to label it
| is influenced by the outcome and whether you think it's a good
| idea.
|
| Quitting your job and flying to Central America is risky. If
| his life improves from there, then it was getting unstuck. If
| it gets worse or goes back to the same, then it was a manic
| episode.
|
| History written by the victors!
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Well said. And for clarification, it was not a job but the
| business I started 6 years ago. More rencent update: The trip
| gave me a new perspective and I shifted the business model,
| rather than shutting it down.
| lgvld wrote:
| Would you tell me more about it, please?
|
| I sometimes feel like I am in the same position as you
| were: > I had the uncomfortable conversation with my
| business partner to tell them I no longer have passion for
| it and am leaving them the decision to continue or quit.
|
| When I feel burned out and/or unpassionate by my work, I
| automatically think about leaving it behind and move on,
| but after some rest (and discussion) I usually come to
| another easier-on-my-mind perspective which alleviates me,
| at least for some time. But I am worried I am just making
| compromises with myself in order to stay stuck in my
| comfort zone -- instead of going for more radical changes.
|
| Cool article btw, thank you.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| First off, thank you for your comment, and your
| compliment is very much appreciated.
|
| I can relate to what you're describing and can only speak
| from my own journey. The recurring thought of needing
| change haunted me for years. Financial stability did play
| a crucial role in allowing me the flexibility to make
| significant changes. One of the toughest challenges was
| the idea of letting go of something I had poured so much
| into over the years.
|
| Before launching my business 6 years ago, I faced a
| similar crossroads while feeling trapped in an
| unsatisfying job. With just three months of savings, I
| took the leap into starting my company, which,
| fortunately, turned out well. It underscores that there
| isn't a universal solution; it really depends on each
| individual's circumstances.
|
| What pushed me to start writing this newsletter was a
| profound sense of lacking purpose. That feeling of
| purposelessness eventually outweighed the fear of
| stepping away from the business I had built.
|
| I hope sharing this provides some clarity.
| charles_f wrote:
| I guess you could see it as one of the causes of depression?
| Kinda like having a cold describes a situation that can be
| caused by 10s of thousands of viruses, in the end you still
| feel the same kind of shitty. Still useful to know what kind of
| virus it is so it can be treated?
| Exuma wrote:
| Now that is a great fucking article. I have to tell people this
| all the time and no one can truly grasp what I'm saying. You have
| absolutely nailed it.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Thanks so much, Exuma!
|
| It's really encouraging to hear that the article struck a chord
| with you. Sometimes the hardest ideas to convey are the ones
| that matter most, and it's awesome to know it resonated.
|
| Here's to hoping it helps more people get the message you've
| been trying to share.
| thyrox wrote:
| Is there survivor bias in being stuck? We have accepted that
| people who leap out of their comfort zone end up always
| successful. But a lot of time this is not true. I know few people
| who have regretted jumping and making impulsive decision in the
| name of growth.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Good point. Nothing is without risk, and it doesn't always lead
| to success. Every jump, impulsive or calculated, has its own
| set of outcomes and consequences, and it's important to
| consider both sides.
| rolandog wrote:
| Estoy orgulloso de ti ;). I like your article.
|
| It takes courage to pivot and get out of your comfort zone.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Muchas gracias. Your words mean a lot to me.
|
| It's one thing to step out of the comfort zone, and another to
| share that journey openly.
|
| I'm glad you liked the article, and I hope it can inspire
| courage in others as well.
| cess11 wrote:
| "Here's the problem: Your brain and its cortical columns are
| designed to conserve energy at all costs."
|
| How does this model explain substance addiction?
|
| 'You need to consciously and repetitively seek out "False"
| signals and embrace the discomfort they bring. You need to
| construct a new reality.'
|
| Much like the 'why aren't you growing? you need to grow. grow!'
| sentiment in the beginning this seems more in line with something
| tumorous than what I'd like to be or become.
| pier25 wrote:
| It explains psychological addiction. You grow attached to a
| familiar and seemingly safe numbing sensation.
|
| Physical addiction is another thing.
| cess11 wrote:
| OK, so this is a model relevant for people that believe in a
| dualist worldview? Kinda like a soul that needs to be kept
| pure or something?
| throwaway11460 wrote:
| Substance addiction is free reward with no effort at all.
| Sounds like it fits!
| benoitmalige wrote:
| The brain's tendency to conserve energy does play a part in
| substance addiction, reinforcing behaviors that provide a high
| reward for little effort. However, this model overlooks the
| complexity of addiction, which involves not just the pursuit of
| rewards but also the avoidance of withdrawal discomfort.
|
| The conversation around addiction would also need to consider
| the neurological changes that perpetuate the cycle, making it a
| state that's incredibly challenging to break free from.
|
| However, I can't specifically speak on physical addiction, as
| it's outside my area of expertise. The intention behind my
| writing is to unpack my own thoughts, aiding me in my journey
| toward self-discovery and the pursuit of purpose.
| galleywest200 wrote:
| When I was getting my undergraduate degree one of my chemistry
| professors taught us that "I don't know" is one of the most
| important sentences a scientist can and should say. You will be
| viewed as a source of knowledge or as an expert, do not fill
| people with BS or guesses.
| noufalibrahim wrote:
| I've come across these kinds of articles before and they always
| seem to suggest that you rewrite the metaphorical firmware of
| your brain so that it operates in a way that is advantageous to
| you. There's some notion of self discovery from first principles.
|
| I'm not convinced that this is generally a good idea. It makes a
| person unmoored and open to anything ("so open minded that your
| brains fall out"). It's also often amoral. The only metric that's
| maximised is utility regardless of other more subtle
| consequences.
|
| As I grow older, i think the human experience is more complex
| than can be captured by a few "hacks" like this.
| card_zero wrote:
| Did you know, the brain is hard-wired to be suckered by self-
| help books? One trick that I personally find very liberating
| and enlightening is to make a big pile of such material and
| burn it. It gives me a sense of warmth and inner joy.
| noufalibrahim wrote:
| Isn't the combustion external? Why would the warmth be
| internal?
| ufocia wrote:
| Semantics dear Watson: it's the inner joy that's internal.
| noufalibrahim wrote:
| Never let an explanation ruin a terrible pun.
| gumby wrote:
| "Burn" is a commonplace synonym for oxidization, that is,
| adding an electron. Likely the GP is " _eating_ the books,
| and thus is warmed as a consequence of the Krebs cycle.
|
| We can be glad for GP that these days it is uncommon to
| encounter a book with a CD or DVD attached. I'm not sure
| those are safe to eat.
| jrm4 wrote:
| I so believe the opposite of this IF you come at the right
| ones the right way?
|
| Which is to say, once you read (or skimmed) enough of them,
| it's easy to get a sixth sense of the "intelligence" and
| "motivation" of the writer, and the sincere ones, even if not
| smart, are still pretty enjoyable if taken with many salt
| grains, and I'm a sucker for them (again, not in terms of
| following exactly what they say to do, but appreciating the
| motivation and good-intent of the author and possibly picking
| up something along the way.)
|
| They'll have names like PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS and just be like
| "try to be nice to people and sit down and be quite a few
| times a day."
|
| A sort of perfect example would be the fictional "The You You
| Are" from the TV Show Severance. I hope they actually write
| it, I know I'd LOVE it.
|
| https://severance.wiki/the_you_you_are_book
| nefrix wrote:
| Your advice is superb. You can start writing self help books
| learning people how to make the fire in order for them to
| achieve the inner joy.
| knallfrosch wrote:
| I enjoy reading them, thinking I'll change myself. Then I'm
| done, I don't apply anything and put the book on the shelf.
|
| It's its own kind of horror for these books.
| maxverse wrote:
| This is an interesting topic of its own, but there have
| been a _few_ books /ideas that have made a significant
| difference on how I operate day-to-day. There are many more
| books and ideas I nod along to and never implement.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| You've touched on something profound here--our
| interaction with knowledge is dynamic, not static. A book
| that speaks to us today might whisper different wisdom 5
| years from now, as we grow and our perspectives shift.
| hartator wrote:
| Yes, it's very like meditate your way out of pain to point you
| don't feel when you are actually burning. Which actually
| happens IRL more often then what you would assume.
| haswell wrote:
| My perspective on this is one of a person who underwent years
| of complex trauma in childhood and my stuck-ness was a series
| of overly sensitive protective mechanisms that had been built
| up by the experience.
|
| "The illusion of being stuck" also sounds a lot like "Learned
| Helplessness", which is a maladaptive conditioning of the brain
| to strongly believe that not doing something is the best option
| because doing something won't make a difference anyway, despite
| this not being true at all. Like drowning in two feet of water
| because it didn't occur to the person to just stand up.
|
| The reason I'm pointing at trauma is that we all come from a
| wide spectrum of experiences, which result in a wide spectrum
| of stuckness (or lack thereof).
|
| The book "Learned Optimism" (written by Martin Seligman, one of
| the original researchers who discovered the learned
| helplessness phenomenon) first describes how animals (not just
| humans) arrive in these maladaptive states, and then provides
| worksheets to help people who are currently deeply biased
| towards a pessimistic world view learn techniques to reframe
| and ultimately rewire these biases, and I can attest to the
| life changing improvements this kind of work can bring without
| my brain falling out.
|
| More broadly, it's worth considering the fact that we're all
| running firmware that evolved during a very different era of
| human existence, and is often poorly tuned for modern reality.
|
| Using what we know about the brain and how it is conditioned to
| adapt ourselves to modern situations seems pretty critical.
|
| > _I 'm not convinced that this is generally a good idea. It
| makes a person unmoored and open to anything ("so open minded
| that your brains fall out"). It's also often amoral. The only
| metric that's maximised is utility regardless of other more
| subtle consequences._
|
| This seems like a pretty major jump to a conclusion that would
| require far more to back it up.
|
| I don't think this is about mucking with firmware as much as it
| is about correcting model weights. Our firmware seems to be
| what it is. Our environment and conditioning is what embeds
| certain biases and resulting behaviors.
|
| Human experience is certainly more complex than just a few
| hacks, but I don't think that discounts the value that certain
| kinds of exercises can bring.
|
| We're continually working against our default modes of
| operation when we adhere to principles of rational thought and
| logic. Emotional responses like anger discard these higher
| modes of thinking. I see these "hacks" as something similar:
| methods of helping us move beyond the less adaptive parts of
| our brains based on a growing understanding of the world around
| us.
| noufalibrahim wrote:
| That's a very nuanced take. I dont take offense to using
| "techniques" to fix "problems".
|
| I'm more annoyed by the usual phrasing of these things as
| life changing and revelatory.
| ufocia wrote:
| > I'm more annoyed by the usual phrasing of these things as
| life changing and revelatory.
|
| Maybe it's time to unstick yourself from these patterns.
| Life changing and revelatory can be as much evolutionary as
| revolutionary. There's no need to narrow them down to their
| extremes.
| dylnuge wrote:
| I suspect they're taking issue with the implication that
| these things are _universally_ life changing, not that
| they can be meaningful at all. I have no doubt the author
| of this article uncovered personal truths, but the whole
| thing is framed as if they become an expert on everyone
| else 's mental health by breaking free from their own
| depression.
|
| Personally for navel-gazy articles like this I think it's
| more useful to focus on telling one's own story instead
| of making broad edicts and sprinkling in some science in
| an effort to lend legitimacy to them. What works for one
| person won't work for everyone, but "I was in X situation
| and did Y and it helped me" is far more likely to be
| helpful for someone else than simply "Do Y", especially
| when you're writing for a wide audience.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Thank you for your insight. I completely agree--my
| journey and the lessons I've learned are deeply personal
| and not one-size-fits-all solutions. Embracing imperfect
| action has been a significant step for me, far better
| than letting procrastination have control. Sharing my
| experiences and receiving feedback is how I hope to grow
| and refine my understanding over time. And truly, when I
| write, I'm mainly holding a mirror to myself, navigating
| my thoughts and discoveries. Your feedback is invaluable
| in this process.
| try_the_bass wrote:
| > I'm more annoyed by the usual phrasing of these things as
| life changing and revelatory.
|
| But when they work for someone, they can and do lead to
| important revelations and/or life changes.
|
| I'm a firm believer in one's ability to "reprogram"
| themselves, having done it to varying degrees across the
| span of my life. Perhaps it doesn't work for everyone. It
| doesn't always work for myself, especially when life makes
| the required self-discipline hard to maintain.
|
| I'm biased by my own success, obviously.
| axchizhov wrote:
| Learned helplessness was disproved, by the way. If I remember
| correctly, there is even a recent paper from the original
| authors confirming this.
|
| Helplessness isn't learned, it's a result of not knowing how
| to deal with the situation. So, try new things, search for
| the solutions and don't give up -- that's the recipe.
| rors wrote:
| Over the last few months I've been experimenting with Buddhist
| meditation, which leans heavily into this metaphor. They phrase
| the metaphor differently, with a focus on flattening of the
| grooves in your mind.
|
| I've found these ideas helpful, but they're hardly novel. The
| Buddha lived over 2000 years ago. One big difference the
| objective. Most of these blogs are about hacking your mind to
| be more successful, whereas religions aim to make you more
| comfortable with your life as it currently is.
|
| I think if you're going to experiment with upgrading your
| wetware, then you could do worse than look at Buddhism, or any
| other practice that encourages deep contemplation and promotes
| kindness. I have my issues with organised religion, but why not
| at least consider the thousands of years of prior art?
| noufalibrahim wrote:
| I appreciate the point you're trying to make. However, my
| general experience of attempts to take "useful" parts of of
| religion and then sanitise them for secular mass consumption
| is that they're at best useless and at worst harmful.
|
| Sure, there might be some proximal benefits to (say)
| meditation but these are things that were done in a larger
| (often spiritual) context and I'm not sure that pulling them
| out of that is wise.
| ufocia wrote:
| Don't kill and don't steal seem pretty useful and are
| embedded within many if not all secular laws.
| praptak wrote:
| Effects of meditation are there regardless of the religious
| context.
|
| Although you are right in that the deeper stages (say as
| described in "The Mind Illuminated") may not make much
| sense without at least some spiritual foundation.
| FlyingSnake wrote:
| It is also a folly to equate Buddhist traditions with Self
| help book sellers. Siddhartha Gautam Buddha was just one of
| the 6 other prevalent Dharmic masters and there enough
| original material from many of those traditions. The Dharmic
| traditions arose over centuries through a healthy
| collaboration of diverse set of people over a vast geography.
| ufocia wrote:
| True, the Dharmic masters didn't have printing presses.
| gchamonlive wrote:
| Or late stage capitalism
| rdsubhas wrote:
| You seem to have experience in this. Could you recommend or
| share any alternative approaches?
| anon373839 wrote:
| Honestly, the centerpiece of the article is this:
|
| > In plain, simple terms, you need to: do the uncomfortable
| thing.
|
| That's what the advice boils down to, and it works, and it's
| not a hack. It's growth. There are lots of sophisticated
| techniques to help you actually do "the thing," but if your
| best judgment is that the thing is the right course of action,
| then you ultimately do need to violate your _feeling_ that it
| is wrong /dangerous/scary and let your feelings catch up later.
| charles_f wrote:
| I think that's fair, but there's also value in describing
| what is being stuck. It's important being able to identify
| feelings and put words on it. It also helps to see this is
| something other people go through, so as to feel less alone
| maxverse wrote:
| The difference between medicine in poison is the dose ("the
| dose makes the poison.") Good ideas taken to extreme are often
| Very Bad, but sometimes a little bit of the idea is exactly
| what you need.
|
| If you have social anxiety, talking to people through
| discomfort, or initially treating interactions as a game can
| help take the pressure off. Treating people as NPCs is
| unhealthy. Routine exercise is good. Becoming obsessed with how
| your body looks, living in the gym, taking steroids is bad. A
| sense of humility, purpose, and devotion in life is generally
| good. Religious fanaticism is bad. Confidence, which often
| involves a touch of self-deception, generally is good.
| Unchecked arrogance is bad.
|
| If I tell you to go for a run or do some push-ups, there's a
| risk that you'll become totally obsessed with exercise. But
| going for that run will also help. You need a moderate amount
| of my advice, not an extreme amount.
|
| This piece resonated with me. When you're stuck in a routine
| you dislike, being aware that your brain is optimized to stay
| in its current state (according to the cited research) is good.
| Going bananas and being "unmoored and open to anything", living
| every day without any sense of habit or purpose is bad. The
| dose makes the poison.
| soneca wrote:
| I on the side that the complexity is even larger than this.
| There a lot of other analogies that could apply here, not
| just the dose/poison one.
|
| Some things are good in small doses on some occasions and in
| large doses on others. Some things are poison for some people
| but food for others. Some things are only medicine in very
| specific circumstances. Some things are placebo.
|
| Anyone can decide if a piece of advice is beneficial to them
| in what dose. But I agree with the GP that we are too complex
| for these hacks
| faeriechangling wrote:
| >It makes a person unmoored and open to anything ("so open
| minded that your brains fall out")
|
| I agree with your assumptions, but not your conclusion. When I
| was at my very lowest I took pretty high doses of acid for my
| first time on psychedelics. The point was that I was starting
| from a long time experiencing daily mental anguish and physical
| pain being treatment resistant, ideating suicide but not
| completing it. I thought if I became more "open minded", either
| I'd get better or I'd off myself and I really preferred both
| over the status quo. The former happened.
|
| Being open minded is a bad thing only if you like how your mind
| how it is.
| mistermann wrote:
| > I've come across these kinds of articles before and they
| always seem to suggest that you rewrite the metaphorical
| firmware of your brain so that it operates in a way that is
| advantageous to you. There's some notion of self discovery from
| first principles.
|
| > I'm not convinced that this is generally a good idea. It
| makes a person unmoored and open to anything ("so open minded
| that your brains fall out"). It's also often amoral. The only
| metric that's maximised is utility regardless of other more
| subtle consequences.
|
| I'd say you could benefit from a firmware rewrite yourself,
| because it isn't possible for you to know these things,
| _because they are unknowable_.
|
| > As I grow older, i think the human experience is more complex
| than can be captured by a few "hacks" like this.
|
| Or yours.
|
| As Terence McKenna liked to say:
|
| - Reality is not only stranger than we imagine, it's stranger
| than we CAN imagine.
|
| - What we call reality is in fact nothing more than a
| culturally sanctioned and linguistically reinforced
| hallucination. (A bit off, _but close enough_.)
| richrichie wrote:
| Any time i see an article that talks in definitive terms what
| parts of the human brain do and extrapolate that to tactics to
| mold behavior patterns, i take a ritual bath and open a bottle of
| whiskey.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| I appreciate your perspective -- it's always good to approach
| definitive statements with a healthy dose of skepticism. My
| articles are really personal reflections, a way for me to
| process and sort through my own thoughts. When I'm offering
| advice or insights, I'm often speaking to myself, hoping to
| uncover a bit more clarity in the complex web of human
| behavior.
| navane wrote:
| So this guy had all the opportunities, choose to spend his time
| to herd clicks for some big corps, finds out it's an empty life
| and suggests to do things like "but a plane ticket to Panama" to
| get unstuck.
|
| Sometimes your therapist asks you to write a letter but you're
| supposed to keep those in your drawer.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Thank you for sharing your thoughts. My writing is a method for
| me to navigate and clarify my own journey of introspection and
| growth. "You" is often a reflection of myself in the mirror of
| words. Whether it strikes a chord with others is a welcome
| bonus, but not the end goal.
|
| The essence of my message stems from a personal revelation:
| after dedicating six years to a company I built from the ground
| up, I realized I was losing myself in the pursuit of success.
|
| It's not about wandering aimlessly for profit; it's about the
| quest for meaningful work and rediscovering the parts of myself
| that got buried in the hustle.
| mikewarot wrote:
| Knowledge of the illusion can be enough to help you route around
| it. You can not escape from a prison you don't know you're in.
| benoitmalige wrote:
| Absolutely, awareness is the first step towards change.Thanks
| for that insight, it's a valuable addition to the idea of
| mental barriers and personal growth.
| ericmcer wrote:
| Don't people have partners, kids, aging parents, hell even pets
| that depend on them?
|
| The authors version of being stuck seems like a luxury, an inward
| exploration to find out how you are holding yourself back. To
| even approach it from that angle you need to have no one
| depending on you. I can't "shake things up" by trying a new
| career or taking impulsive vacations because other human beings
| rely on me being "stuck".
| benoitmalige wrote:
| You raise an excellent point, and it's true that everyone's
| circumstances are unique. In my case, my family is in another
| country, and my pursuit of the American dream led me to work so
| intensely that I overlooked the simple act of living. While I
| understand that not everyone has the flexibility to make
| drastic changes due to their responsibilities, I believe we all
| have our own paths to feeling unstuck. My writing is a personal
| tool to help me navigate my path and make sense of my
| experiences. Thank you for sharing your perspective--it's a
| vital reminder of the diverse lives we all lead.
| mlhpdx wrote:
| > do the uncomfortable thing.
|
| I've done this ever since learning about "brain plasticity" as a
| child. My logic was/is simple: if I didn't want something to feel
| uncomfortable I had to do it regularly. To me, building physical
| strength/ability and mental strength/ability were the same.
| Sitting on a moving bike was uncomfortable and now isn't, and
| architecting distributed systems, too. Perhaps simplistic, and
| not worth a long article, but pretty close to the truth it seems,
| as I look back.
| dclowd9901 wrote:
| I think I'm one of those few (lucky?) people who disdains
| stagnation. If I start to feel comfortable in my job, I start to
| get this resonant itchiness to move on from it. I find a new job
| and suddenly it dawns on me how much new shit I have to learn and
| do. I learn and do and the cycle repeats!
| wvh wrote:
| This person is experiencing the same kind of existential
| conundrum and arriving at the same conclusions as I am at this
| not so easy point in life, and although I can't really offer them
| more wisdom or insight as they themselves are offering in this
| post, I wish them all the best in unlocking their brain and
| finding better ways to feel satisfied and a better sense of
| meaning.
| nefrix wrote:
| This article reminded me of David Mumet's character, Edmond. In
| that play things does not end very happily for the main character
| after he asks himself to many "whys" and starts to do lots of
| changes on his day routines.
| manmal wrote:
| At the end of the article, it becomes clear that author went
| abroad for a while, which might have inspired the article.
| Changing one's environment is indeed a good way to get unstuck -
| eg some addicts only ever get out of the vicious cycle by moving
| away and cutting ties with everything/everyone that kept them
| stuck.
|
| Maybe the rest of the article has merit too, but I'm not sure
| it's not a post hoc rationalization.
| spxneo wrote:
| If you feel stuck it means you need new habits because the old
| ones are not serving you well!
|
| Program your environment, set up commitment devices to lock in
| your future behaviour that is positive and effortless.
|
| Do not ever set goals, they are high-risk low pay off mental bets
| that will eat you if you fail (odds are against you).
| copperx wrote:
| What is an example of a commitment device?
| spxneo wrote:
| addicted to smartphones? leave it behind when you go to study
| at the library and you have no choice but to study.
|
| you are not hitting the gyms for the 10 years you been
| telling people? subscribe to a local gym on the way to or
| back from work! (brain: "well i already spent money and its
| too embarassing to cancel now and besides the gym is
| literally down the same street i dont even have to drive
| there welp guess im going")
| mimischi wrote:
| This might be cliche, but if you can afford to (time and
| money), have a go at ,,Atomic Habits" by James Clear. It's an
| easy and enjoyable read, that outlines a framework of how you
| can build new habits and get rid of your old, unwanted ones.
| spxneo wrote:
| yeah pretty much thats where all my quotes are from
|
| i recommend this book to everyone i meet
|
| it is life changing
| paulgerhardt wrote:
| If "Atomic Habits" doesn't sit with you (I found the
| endless anecdotes about the author's high school baseball
| career detracting) I recommend "Four Thousand Weeks: Time
| Management for Mortals" - it's slightly less targeted to
| fans of Ryan Holiday/Tim Ferris and slightly more targeted
| to productivity hack tooling reformed/burnt-out
| individuals.
| spxneo wrote:
| he only talks about his experience through his
| rehabilitation in the first chapter the rest of the book
| he draws from real world examples from other industries
| and history to illustrate the specific point. i think
| they are very practical as it is easier to remember
| stories than recalling step by step points
| PartiallyTyped wrote:
| I found that it is extremely difficult for me to set habits and
| keep them. I used to go running 4-5 times a week for months,
| and I couldn't make it stick.
| spxneo wrote:
| The best way to build a positive habit is to make it not
| painful and easy.
|
| Heres my advice:
|
| If 4-5 times a week is not sustainable then make it 100x less
| (whatever point you feel is not painful). If you used to run
| 50km a week, try 500m each session. Fight the urge to
| continue running.
|
| The goal of this exercise is to build the "show up" muscle.
| Another hack on top of this is to not tell yourself you are
| going for a run, you just need to put on the running shoes.
| (brain: "i put on my shoes might as well go for a run now")
| Step further is you go to sleep in your running clothes.
|
| Principle is to always reduce friction of good habits you
| want to build and add friction to bad habits you want to
| stop!
|
| Godspeed
| malkosta wrote:
| Around a year ago I had one of those 6 months long tasks that you
| have no idea where to start. I hitted my had on the wall a few
| times, and had to erase first month work completely. In the end
| what worked was: - Spend a day or two creating a fuzzy view of
| the whole problem. Pay attention to the rabbit holes, do not fall
| in them, be superficial. - Spend a day or two creating a detailed
| view of the next 2 weeks. Go as deep as you can, but pay
| attention to not prepare more than 2 weeks of work, because
| things WILL change. And you will lose a lot of work. Minimize
| that. - Execute. - Repeat.
|
| After a couple iterations your estimation will be much better and
| you will see the light in the end of the tunnnel.
| indigoabstract wrote:
| Every time I read about these mind hacks that are supposed to
| transform your life and attitude, I'm reminded of the Novelty
| effect:
|
| https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Novelty_effect
|
| It's the best thing ever, until you get used to it, than it
| becomes the same old. Sometimes I think the human race is
| completely ruled by this effect, ever chasing the next new thing
| as it seems so much better than the boring old thing.
| betimsl wrote:
| Pretty awesome article -- rock on
| 0xfedcafe wrote:
| I fully agree with this article, based on my experience, which I
| achieved purely empirically.
|
| I was stuck for a long time and couldn't do new, challenging
| things for myself; it felt almost impossible. The solution was to
| get more and more challenges in life. This happened almost
| accidentally, but a lot has changed. After all the discomfort
| that occurred bit by bit, it has become much easier to do
| something new. Even if it feels disgusting and you want to shout,
| the only solution is to just do it.
|
| Also, building new habits helps a lot because it takes at least
| several weeks, so you have to accept this challenge and do it.
| stevenjgarner wrote:
| I personally found "The Neuroscience of Change" by Kelly
| McGonigal [1] most useful in becoming "unstuck". Essentially for
| myself it was being taken through the realization that life is
| change, how with every breath the trillions of cells in my body
| undergo substantive transformational change, that my self-
| delusion of being stuck became comical.
|
| [1] https://www.soundstrue.com/products/the-neuroscience-of-
| chan...
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