[HN Gopher] The surreal life of a professional bridesmaid
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The surreal life of a professional bridesmaid
Author : Anon84
Score : 188 points
Date : 2024-02-11 12:20 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (thehustle.co)
(TXT) w3m dump (thehustle.co)
| slipshady wrote:
| That website is awful on iOS/Safari. Constantly scrolls me back
| to the top.
| jarbus wrote:
| Reader mode made it more bearable for me
| LeonM wrote:
| On Firefox (Linux) the page just goes blank after a second or
| two. They must really don't want people to actually read their
| articles
| pimlottc wrote:
| Same on Firefox (macOS). Reader mode worked, though.
| red_trumpet wrote:
| It did come back for me after some extra seconds though...
| bmacho wrote:
| https://archive.ph/2000/https://thehustle.co/the-surreal-lif...
|
| edit: no pictures.
| d--b wrote:
| > Her life is a romantic comedy waiting to happen.
|
| For those who wonder, I'll save you the google search: yes the
| movie has been made and is called "the professional bridesmaid".
| it was released in 2023.
| throwup238 wrote:
| Considering how many times the subject ends up crying in a
| bathroom in the article, it should be more of a dark
| tragicomedy.
| mcphage wrote:
| Weddings are emotional events, even at the best of times. But
| also a lot of effort and planning and stress.
| arethuza wrote:
| My wife's mother was very keen on a large wedding, my wife
| wasn't - we were watching a holiday program on TV and they
| had weddings in Mauritius and she announced "we're doing
| that!".
|
| Anyway, we ended up getting married in the Seychelles and
| it was blissful and zero stress... and cost a _lot_ less
| than a normal marriage. That was 34 years ago so something
| must have worked.
| cafard wrote:
| Less when counting in transportation? Where did you live
| at the time?
| arethuza wrote:
| Scotland
|
| So we had to fly from Edinburgh -> LHR -> Seychelles
|
| Looking at the current price from the same travel company
| and hotel it would be ~PS8K - still cheaper than most
| weddings. The actual cost of the "wedding" part was
| pretty small.
|
| Edit: One thing I do remember is that flight out was full
| of stressed out newly weds!
| michaelt wrote:
| Destination weddings can save a lot of money by having
| far fewer guests, while still retaining the most-
| important-day-of-your-life glamour that a small scale
| registry office wedding might lack.
|
| Obviously, you _can_ have a small scale wedding in your
| home country. But a lot of people feel they _ought_ to
| invite their second-cousin-twice-removed and their family
| of five, while spending PS200 a head on venue and food
| costs.
|
| If attending the wedding needs a PS1000 flight and a week
| off work, your guest list will drop from 100 people to
| 10.
| arethuza wrote:
| The hotel we were at arranged a free room swap with
| another couple on another island for a few days so we
| even got a "honeymoon". We went to this hotel for a few
| nights:
|
| https://www.larchipel.com/
| KineticLensman wrote:
| > If attending the wedding needs a PS1000 flight and a
| week off work, your guest list will drop from 100 people
| to 10.
|
| That didn't work (in fact wasn't intended) for my niece
| when she got married.
|
| The hotel deal (all inclusive in Cyprus) made it much
| cheaper for them than an equivalent do in the UK - e.g.
| cheaper extras such as videographers than in the UK,
| bigger meal, etc. The resort-style hotel was also cheaper
| than staying in the UK and the long lead times made
| flights / bookings quite affordable. Some of the guests
| treated it as an annual beach holiday with added party.
|
| (Personally I thought it was ghastly)
| com wrote:
| We did an almost-free registry office thing (the free
| ones were booked out a year in advance). One witness from
| each side and a surprise attendee who was literally in
| town at the time (we didn't invite friends and family
| because of family drama and logistics issues).
|
| It was a very sweet event where the registrant and their
| assistant were clearly hopeless romantics - they told us,
| true or not, that they had won the in-office ballot for
| who could marry us after we charmed the intake panel when
| we went in to book - the historic room was intimate and
| charming and the party we organised that evening for
| unsuspecting local friends was a huge success.
|
| All up it must have cost us less than two hundred euros,
| and was an unutterably perfect day. And our unexpected
| guest took a great video (which seems to have been lost
| somehow :-)
|
| For some people, simple and small is impossible to beat!
| throw0101c wrote:
| > _Destination weddings can save a lot of money by having
| far fewer guests_ [...]
|
| I do not know which cultural background you are from, but
| with my background, guests generally show up with
| Hallmark(r) envelopes containing cash. If you budget
| assiduously it may even be possible to turn a profit on
| the reception.
| michaelt wrote:
| In my country the tradition is to gift things for the
| couple to start their own home together (e.g. useful
| household goods) with value roughly in line with the cost
| of inviting you.
|
| And this no doubt made great sense when people got
| married young, and someone gifting them a set of pots and
| pans was just what they needed.
|
| In the present age, where people frequently live together
| before marriage and get married later in life, they
| generally already _have_ all the pots and pans they need.
|
| So often the couple will either say they don't need any
| gifts, or they'll end up with luxury replacements for
| what they already had (e.g. copper bottomed pans to
| replace stainless steel)
|
| You might not consider it a _loss_ but if inviting your
| second-cousin-twice-removed and their family converts
| PS1000 of cash into PS1000 of luxury saucepans you end up
| with a lot less cash on hand.
| throw0101c wrote:
| > _In my country the tradition is to gift things for the
| couple to start their own home together (e.g. useful
| household goods) with value roughly in line with the cost
| of inviting you._
|
| If couples need things they set up a registry for any
| items they want. If there is no registry, bring cash. :)
|
| The general expectation is either you'll buy a gift or
| give cash (to at least cover the rough cost of you
| attending).
| rsynnott wrote:
| I assume the theory is that most people won't want to
| travel to Mauritius for a wedding, so you end up with a
| smaller wedding.
|
| (Of course, you could just invite fewer people, either.)
| davidgay wrote:
| There's also the "get married on top of Half-Dome trick"
| (13km hike one way, 1.6km elevation gain for non-
| Californians) - keeps the wedding party small and fit!
|
| I didn't do it, but did see one ;)
| bewaretheirs wrote:
| Gilbert and Sullivan's "Ruddigore" (first performed in 1887)
| features a chorus of "professional bridesmaids" who are
| experiencing a bit of a lull in business:
| Hannah: Nay, gentle maidens, you sing well but vainly, for Rose
| is still heart-free, and looks but coldly upon her many
| suitors. Zorah: It's very disappointing. Every
| young man in the village is in love with her, but they are
| appalled by her beauty and modesty, and won't declare
| themselves; so, until she makes her own choice, there's no
| chance for anybody else. Ruth: This is, perhaps, the
| only village in the world that possesses an endowed corps of
| professional bridesmaids who are bound to be on duty every day
| from ten to four--and it is at least six months since our
| services were required. The pious charity by which we exist is
| practically wasted!
| RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote:
| This seems like it is a consequence of shrinking family size and
| people not having extended family. See the discussion today on HN
| about lack of cousins:
| https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39340501
|
| In the past, you had more relatives than spots. Now many people
| have more spots than relatives.
| bluGill wrote:
| What happened to friends though?
| Uvix wrote:
| WFH happened.
| master-lincoln wrote:
| Only related for people whose sole friends are from their
| work, no?
| ghettoCoder wrote:
| Friend circles have generally been primarily driven by
| proximity, with school & work being the main
| environments. Take away the forced socializing of work
| and all of sudden you have late 20s people with few or no
| friends since drifting away from most school friendships.
|
| The pandemic taught me that absent forced social
| interactions such as work meetings, water cooler chat,
| etc... it takes deliberate actions to maintain social
| relationships, more so the secondary relationships. It's
| just too easy to dive into our work all day without
| speaking to anyone not in our direct line of reporting.
| spazx wrote:
| In my professional experience (since before the
| pandemic), I've been encouraged not to mix work with my
| personal life. Regardless, even when I ignored this
| advice and did share personal details and be myself, the
| interactions have always felt disingenuous. For me at
| least, being an actual friend and keeping up a
| professional appearance are mutually exclusive.
|
| I suppose I've personally been very fortunate to remain
| friends with a lot of people from my childhood, and meet
| others through them. Even the people I have met through
| friends only recently, feel more genuine than older
| personal connections made through work. (None of my
| friends spend personal time with people they've met
| through work, either!)
|
| Interactions with work people will always have that
| veneer of trying to look and sound one's best in the
| professional sense, in protection of one's career. In
| friendships you shouldn't be afraid to show your flaws,
| imperfections, personal beliefs, personal history, the
| squishy parts.
| saalweachter wrote:
| I think this is also why we feel so betrayed by tech
| layoffs.
|
| Everyone gets laid off, we aren't special here, but
| what's a _little_ unusual is that tech employees are
| highly migratory.
|
| You get out of college, and you move to one of a handful
| of tech centers, in the US and around the world. And then
| -- fostered by the company -- you build your new social
| circle out of everyone you've met at work who is in the
| same situation of having just moved a thousand miles and
| started a new chapter of their life. You go out for
| dinner and drinks after work, you start boardgame nights,
| you play in a work-based soccer league. Your entire
| social life revolves around your friends from work.
|
| And then, the company decides to cut headcount.
|
| Tech employees have it a lot easier than, say, factory
| workers in most ways, when we're laid off. We've probably
| got more savings, our job market tends to be hotter, and
| we're not looking for work in one of the two places in
| town, one of which has already laid us off.
|
| But it really takes a knife to your social circle, which
| stings, even if you're not the person laid off. I'm not
| sure it affects people who are working a job in their
| home town, with all their old friends and family and
| social activities linked to geography instead of
| employment, in the same way.
| rsynnott wrote:
| From the article, it seems like the people she was helping
| generally _had_ friends doing it as well; her role really
| seems to be more of a combo wedding planner/crisis management
| thing.
| baking wrote:
| I don't think so. They are very different roles.
| marcus0x62 wrote:
| Sure, and the pressure some people place on themselves to have
| a "perfect" wedding. Wedding culture, at least in the US, is
| completely out of control. The whole thing is a weird (mostly)
| self-inflicted scam meant to separate people, usually just
| starting out in life, from their money. As much of their money
| as possible.
|
| I was talking about this a while back with a co-worker about 20
| years older than me: when I got married (around 15 years ago,)
| we spent like 6 grand, all in. He said 'man, when I got married
| we used the rec room at our church for free and got a sheet
| cake from the grocery store.' That would have been in the early
| 80's. He and his wife are still married, and, so far as I can
| tell, have not suffered from the lack of a supremely expensive
| wedding.
| russfink wrote:
| Comedian Jim Gaffigan does a bit on weddings - it's when you
| get to be a princess. Of course, kingdoms don't come cheap.
| toss1 wrote:
| Good on you both! I've often heard that the wedding spend
| total is inversely proportional to the length of the
| marriage.
|
| (When the spending is crazy, one must ask what 'for what are
| they compensating?').
| mattgreenrocks wrote:
| This is the sort of thing people never really warn you
| about.
| qingcharles wrote:
| $25K on mine. Lasted four years, although that was mostly
| my fault.
| a_shoeboy wrote:
| $6K on mine, 17 years and counting. How many more of
| these anecdotes do we need before can call it data?
| michaelt wrote:
| Somewhat unexpectedly, [1] which is based on actual
| university research, reports the opposite: Figure 9 says
| people who had more guests at their wedding report better
| marriage outcomes - even after controlling for income,
| education, race/ethnicity and religiousness.
|
| Of course, if you want to discard the research and stick
| with your anecdotes, it _was_ partly funded by a charity
| founded by a guy who believed in 'strong families'.
|
| [1] http://before-i-do.org/
| aidenn0 wrote:
| You'd probably want to control for wealth to get good
| data. Marriage duration is correlated with wealth, and
| wealthy people probably spend more on everything,
| weddings included.
|
| [edit] nevermind, the the posted link claims the figures
| are controlled for several factors, including income and
| education, which both correlate with wealth.
| aidenn0 wrote:
| My wife was an only child from a wealthy family; short of
| destroying the relationship with her mother, we had little
| say in the cost of the wedding[1]. That being said, it
| really was a lovely wedding and a good time was had by all.
|
| 1: We compromised; the ceremony was all us, her mom planned
| the reception, with input from us. It is still mind-
| boggling to me how much her mom was invested; they normally
| get along fine (both before and since), but I was seriously
| worried that planning the wedding would destroy their
| relationship.
| RajT88 wrote:
| I've been to a few weddings at VFW's in small towns. They
| were no better (or worse) than the big fancy ones! The
| couples fared no better (or worse) than any others.
| andy99 wrote:
| The most interesting part to me was the trend of hiring birds of
| prey as ring bearers (link from the article)
|
| https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/weddings-falcons-raptors-ring-...
|
| What could possibly go wrong?
| htrp wrote:
| Not quite that much..... but it's still a crazy idea
| mcphage wrote:
| "Just so we're clear, you're saying 'Ring Bear _-er_ ', right?"
| - repeated joke from the final season of How I Met Your Mother
| HanClinto wrote:
| They should have used the eagles to transport the ring.
| midasuni wrote:
| 1 bed apartment for a couple with a baby and dog?
|
| I'm guessing the 100k/yr is revenue not profit.
| rsynnott wrote:
| Note: "Manhattan".
|
| (Also of course if it's a new baby they may just not have
| gotten around to moving yet. But 100k doesn't exactly make you
| fabulously well-off in Manhattan.)
| obloid wrote:
| The article says Williamsburg, which is in Brooklyn, but
| still NYC so that 100k is not going to get you much.
| rsynnott wrote:
| Oh, oops, you're right. She started the business in a
| Manhattan apartment, but Williamsburg now, yeah.
| alexwhb wrote:
| I can attest to this. 100k in Brooklyn... especially the
| nicer areas is barely enough honestly. Especially now in
| 2024.
| shermantanktop wrote:
| They're living well in NYC: _no_ _roommates_.
| brodouevencode wrote:
| The number in the wedding party blows my mind. We had four total
| and that was two too many.
| DrNosferatu wrote:
| She's a farmer of Bridezillas - clever girl! (maybe hunter-
| gatherer)
|
| ...or an engineer that builds the bridge between reality and the
| image people want to project about themselves. Amazing food for
| thought.
| sdwr wrote:
| She's writing people's papers for them at the last minute.
|
| "Everyone knows" that your wedding is the place to show off
| your strong social ties. What do you do when the deadline is
| approaching, and your stomach starts sinking in dread and shame
| as the people in your Rolodex aren't as numerous or committed
| as they should be?
| DrNosferatu wrote:
| What's the point of living in a - painful and expensive -
| lie?
|
| (besides Glantz's income, obviously)
| gardenmud wrote:
| Based on the article, she provides the services of a sort
| of on-call talk therapist/emotional support that overlaps
| with services typically provided by a personal assistant or
| maid of honor, like keeping the bridesmaids organized and
| on track. Honestly, I get it. If you don't have a willing
| volunteer, there's no shame in hiring a personal assistant
| for the job. Where she really excels is selling it as
| something fun and chic, not desperate; 'extra bridesmaid to
| fill out the group' is a lot more palatable than 'hired
| help'.
| araes wrote:
| There's also a certain caste of society, where spending
| $5000 to not have any stress about an event, is really
| not that big a deal. Plus, then you're not dropping it on
| your "best friend" to handle the whole thing, which ends
| up being a weird inverse form of punishment for being
| friends so long.
| sdwr wrote:
| Well, the truth is painful, the lie is expensive - while
| she's pretending to be your friend, everything is ok. And
| if you actually had a friend who was that beautiful and
| graceful and dedicated to you, everything would be ok!
|
| Whether the service is pathetic or not depends on how it's
| used.
| pjc50 wrote:
| Not an entirely new profession. In the past, this sort of thing
| used to happen more often with funerals and professional
| mourners; now _that_ has well and truly gone in the West.
|
| There is an anecdote in _Naples 44_ about how the narrator 's
| "fixer" in Naples had had a side gig as an "uncle from Rome" at
| funerals. By turning up in the right suit with the right accent
| and social graces this would enhance the social status of the
| deceased.
|
| There used to be something of a market for "professional token
| Westerner" in Chinese events. I've no idea if that's still a
| thing.
| timmg wrote:
| > There used to be something of a market for "professional
| token Westerner" in Chinese events. I've no idea if that's
| still a thing.
|
| About ten years ago, my wife and I visited China (with private
| guides). We were in a medium-sized town -- don't remember
| which, but might have been the one with the panda preserve. We
| had lunch scheduled at a local restaurant in town.
|
| The restaurant was on the second floor. As the elevator went
| up, we heard a thumping sound like a bass drum. The elevator
| opened and we were in the middle of the _start_ of an elaborate
| wedding. It seems that the restaurant was booked for this
| wedding, but we still had seats off to the side.
|
| It was just coincidence that we got there just as things were
| getting started. As we made our way around the outside of the
| room, we happened to pass the bridal party.
|
| As we were passing, the bride-to-be stopped us an graciously
| thanked us for coming to her wedding (in English) and said they
| were honored to have us.
|
| It was very surreal. The wedding itself was like a mini rock
| concert with many people on stage at various times -- including
| (I remember) two women in white dresses rocking out on electric
| violins.
| CydeWeys wrote:
| Oh man that's hilarious. Your tour group hornswoggled you
| into being the token Westerner, and you paid for the
| privilege!
| kurthr wrote:
| Possibly near Chengdu, Mianyang?
|
| I'll agree with others, this was unlikely to be an accident.
| But hey, you were entertained and they got to show off their
| English!
| timmg wrote:
| It was _probably_ Chengdu. That would be funny if it was on
| purpose!
| nradov wrote:
| Professional token westerners (white monkeys) are still a thing
| in China. The government has even started hiring them for
| propaganda purposes.
|
| https://youtu.be/0HGgzK2yVX4?si=D_XIp8f2siDTo9ow
| AlecSchueler wrote:
| My father was cremated last year. He had no friends at the time
| of his death. The undertakers had extra staff on hand to watch
| the service and fill the empty chairs. Professional mourners
| are still active in the west, at least in the north of Ireland.
| lupire wrote:
| I'm sorry for your loss.
|
| How many staff vs other attendees?
|
| I don't see the value of that scenario. Who is saving face?
| euroderf wrote:
| Maybe it's just the Christian thing to do.
| AlecSchueler wrote:
| There were about 6 staff and about the same number of
| attendees including myself, that was his brothers, sisters
| and son.
|
| His brother organised the funeral and accepted this offer
| from the undertakers. His brother is a practicing
| Christian. I had the impression that the numbers were
| mostly inflated to save the minister from the shame of
| giving a memorial service to someone so few people wanted
| to remember.
| michaelt wrote:
| Presumably it's for the benefit of the survivors.
|
| Going to your dad's or your husband's funeral would already
| be pretty depressing. For it to be a _poorly attended_
| funeral would make it even moreso, for some folks.
|
| Especially if you're big on the idea of the deceased living
| on in the memory of all the people whose lives they
| touched. Or if the deceased actually had a great many
| friends, but lived to an old enough age their friends
| predeceased them.
|
| Plus, if you're going for the type of funeral with lots of
| hymns and singing and prayers and suchlike, a few more
| voices can help things along.
|
| And while you might _strongly suspect_ the surviving
| relatives are all indifferent to the funeral being poorly
| attended, it 's not like you get a do-over if it turns out
| on the day they're less stoic than you imagined.
| dylan604 wrote:
| I seriously doubt the family of the type of person that
| would have nobody attend their funeral would be surprised
| by that fact, and would probably be wondering why they
| showed up at all themselves.
| mynameisvlad wrote:
| This is such a callous statement.
|
| Maybe all their friends already died. Maybe they just
| were never social outside of their family.
|
| Whatever the reason, nobody should have to go into a
| relative's (or, really, anyone else's) funeral and see it
| empty. That's going to do nothing but twist the dagger of
| the death more.
| dylan604 wrote:
| And how would you feel if you were to find out that the
| funeral director tried to gamify the funeral by having
| seat fillers? That's even more insulting that someone
| tried to pull one over, and feeds directly into the
| stereotype that funerals try to gouge the families.
| mynameisvlad wrote:
| I would certainly be happier than seeing _absolutely
| nobody_ on top of grieving for a loss.
|
| As someone that has had to grieve alone, I don't think
| you understand the comfort that comes from having
| _somebody_ there.
|
| Also, this is most assuredly a service they'd be
| providing. Nobody is going to be "gouged". Nothing is
| being "gamified". Nobody is "pulling one over". Those are
| all based on an assumption that this isn't part of a
| planned process, which literally every part of a funeral
| is.
| AlecSchueler wrote:
| Yes, it's very true in my experience with undertakers
| that they are very respectful even in business matters.
| They ask you if you would like something but there's
| never a sense of pressure, and they're very accommodating
| to alternatives. I've also found them to be very
| professional and efficient in operation in a way that is
| itself a comfort in difficult times.
|
| But I wanted to say that you're quite right that it's
| very helpful to have someone to hear. The people who live
| on with memories of the departed need to have their
| stories heard.
| sokoloff wrote:
| I had a bit of the opposite experience when an ex-colleague
| passed end of last year. About 25 of us from one company he
| worked at showed up to the wake and it was slightly awkward
| to tell the family and friends who we were and what
| connection we had (he hadn't worked there for about 9 years
| and I was the only person who still worked at the company,
| but we all turned out because we genuinely cared about him).
|
| But talking to his wife and family in the receiving line was
| super-awkward. I hope they found it at least epsilon
| comforting.
| monknomo wrote:
| I had a similar experience when a co-worker passed. It was
| awkward, but I do hope the family felt something positive
| from seeing that a part of their loved one's life they
| don't normally see also cared for him.
| OJFord wrote:
| Why was it awkward? Because there were few enough family &
| others that it was dominated by former colleagues from one
| seemingly random employer?
| sokoloff wrote:
| No; in a 2 hour wake, there were probably 150 or more
| people in total. The awkwardness was mostly having to
| explain "yeah, you've never met me and he hasn't worked
| with us for almost a decade, but hey, here we are..."
| vimax wrote:
| Not awkward at all. I'm sure the family was touched that
| you still thought about him after all those years.
| theflyingelvis wrote:
| My 27 y/o nephew passed away last year. He worked at a
| mid sized tech firm and many of the folks from the firm
| showed up at the funeral. His parents really appreciated
| the folks showing up. So, yeah, not awkward at all.
| bombcar wrote:
| This also happens just in general; the staff of the funeral
| home often attends the service just because they'd have
| nothing else to do and need to assist with transfer to the
| hearse, grave, etc.
|
| It's only really noticed when it's a small service.
|
| In the USA if you're a veteran or veteran associated the
| local VFW will send out a color guard to attend.
| throw0101c wrote:
| > _My father was cremated last year. He had no friends at the
| time of his death._
|
| Something that often happens with men: they tend to (on
| average) not be as big social butterflies as women, and so
| any past friends they had fade into the background/disappear.
| It takes time/effort to keep relationships going.
|
| "Why most men don't have enough close friends"
|
| * https://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/why-most-men-don-t-have-
| eno...
|
| "Men have fewer friends than ever, and it's harming their
| health"
|
| * https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/23323556/men-friendship-
| lo...
|
| "Men's Social Circles are Shrinking"
|
| * https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-
| circles...
|
| "Men struggle to keep friends -- and it's hurting their
| mental health"
|
| * https://globalnews.ca/news/6112225/male-friendship-mental-
| he...
|
| "More than 1 in 7 men have no close friends. The way we
| socialize boys is to blame":
|
| * https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/newsletter/2023-10-10/mor
| e...
|
| Also, with people having fewer children (if any), support
| structures toward the end of life are getting smaller and
| smaller.
| ThrowawayR2 wrote:
| Macabre though it may be, I've often thought about
| submitting a YC proposal for a startup that provides
| professional executor services for those who are facing
| death alone. Demand is only going to increase as time goes
| by and, as many internet articles show, it can be difficult
| to find an executor that one trusts if they have a small
| social circle.
| bennettnate5 wrote:
| Just to clarify for everyone (because I totally misread
| this the first time): Executor - A person
| officially appointed to carry out your will after you
| have passed Executioner - A person
| officially appointed to carry out your passing
| knodi123 wrote:
| although in both cases, Trust is very important.
| rightbyte wrote:
| There have to been fatal mixups regarding this. Maybe not
| as bad as "inflammable".
| ASUfool wrote:
| As the executor of my dad's estate, he would have fun
| with the similar words and call me his ex eh cuter.
|
| Thanks for reminding me of our shared joy of words. :)
|
| R.I.P. Dad.
| echion wrote:
| hmu
| michaelt wrote:
| In the UK, some solicitors and accountants already
| provide this service.
|
| They don't market it as "facing death alone" though, they
| market it more as "giving the family time to grieve" and
| "getting complex paperwork right"
| throw0101c wrote:
| > a YC proposal for a startup that provides professional
| executor services
|
| There are law firms already doing this. From a quick
| search of my area (Toronto, Canada):
|
| * https://www.millsandmills.ca/areas-of-practice/wills-
| estates...
|
| * https://ontario-probate.ca/estate-administration-
| executor-se...
|
| * https://mcdonaldestateservices.ca/services
| azinman2 wrote:
| Seems odd to make that a VC-backed entity. That said I
| think the most important aspect is knowing the service
| will be around when you die. Updating wills, plans is
| expensive, and if someone has dementia etc and this goes
| bust because 90% of "startups" do, then that's a real
| problem.
| resolutebat wrote:
| But just imagine all the "growth hacks" you could do,
| both to increase the dearly departed clientele and the
| amount of profit you could extract from them!
| ebiester wrote:
| Lawyers already do this. What would you have as a value
| add?
| danenania wrote:
| Apart from this issue, which is certainly important, almost
| anyone can end up without friends at the end of their lives
| if they outlive their friends and have no opportunities to
| make new ones as they get older.
| AlecSchueler wrote:
| He was a paedophile and a serial sex offender who alienated
| most of his friends and family, dying with more enemies
| than friends. Sexual violence is also more prevalent in men
| and it's important to remember that so we can be more
| responsible parents and educators for young boys.
| wonderwonder wrote:
| Yup, when I go I expect it will just be my kids there and
| my wife. Same situation happened when my dad died, just us
| kids.
| lupire wrote:
| "DEI with Chinese Characteristics"
| carlosjobim wrote:
| Your comment is down voted, while the comment above calling
| people of a certain race "monkeys" is upvoted. That says
| something about the crowd here.
|
| Reminds me of the images of George W Bush as a chimpanzee.
| Didn't see any more such images when he got his successor.
| jplrssn wrote:
| Surely you know that the history of using "monkey" as an
| epithet is extremely charged? It is not a neutral term.
| stronglikedan wrote:
| Only regionally. In the global context, it's quite
| neutral.
| ThrowawayTestr wrote:
| I look forward to the day where I can call a black man a
| monkey and it only be considered an insult instead of a
| racist insult.
| carlosjobim wrote:
| Why do you think I mentioned that hackers are upvoting a
| comment calling people of a certain skin color monkeys?
| woooooo wrote:
| "DEI with Chinese characteristics" is hilarious, downvotes
| are probably just reflexive anti-politics.
| duskwuff wrote:
| > the comment above calling people of a certain race
| "monkeys" is upvoted
|
| If you're referring to nradov's comment, Bai Hou Zi (lit.
| "white monkey") is a commonly used term in China for a
| token Westerner.
| neom wrote:
| Per your last point, I worked at a very very very large Korean
| company for a while (In Korea), and when they had a meeting
| with the EU they would make sure they had some "hyin gagu"
| (white furniture) - I found it quite amusing personally, others
| not so much.
| Turing_Machine wrote:
| That's been around for a long time. In ancient Rome, hired
| mourners were basically expected of anyone of any real social
| status.
|
| The professional mourners included actors who wore masks of the
| deceased and any prominent ancestors, and imitated their
| mannerisms and speech to the best of their ability.
| rsynnott wrote:
| > Maid of honor speeches, which cost $375 if they're written by
| Glantz or $35 if she gets her AI assistant to help.
|
| In which LLMs continue to ruin everything.
| filoleg wrote:
| Given the average quality of quite many maid of honor speeches,
| they were imo ruined the second markov chains came into the
| existence
| rsynnott wrote:
| I mean, the average wedding speech of any type is of course
| _quite bad_ (most people not being accomplished public
| speakers), but they're at least generally bad in a fairly
| varied, human way. The mind-numbing same-y badness of all
| ChatGPT prose would not be an improvement.
| bombcar wrote:
| The whole _point_ of the best man /maid of honor speech is
| to tell some moderately embarrassing story from ages past.
|
| Without that, who would even bother?
| filoleg wrote:
| Exactly. It isn't a store opening speech or some other
| super formal part of the wedding. Best man/maid of honor
| speeches are usually supposed to be more of a
| storytelling piece (of variable funniness) that ends on
| some heartwarming and/or cute conclusion.
|
| I wouldn't blame people for using chatGPT to generate
| more formal/canned sorts of speeches, but the man/maid of
| honor speech is imo a terrible application for that.
| ibejoeb wrote:
| How much worse is it than having an actual stranger write a
| puff piece on you?
| rsynnott wrote:
| I mean, neither is great, but the one written by a human will
| generally be less irritating.
| shermantanktop wrote:
| The LLM won't reveal what happened during that weekend in Ibiza
| and drunkenly recount it to the extended family.
|
| Not unless you add that context to the prompt, anyway.
| Giorgi wrote:
| I got that on email newsletter too and visiting her website, it
| looks like she is one of those "marketeer/influencer" type, most
| likely it is a marketing gimmick too.
| totorovirus wrote:
| There are professional wedding guests in Korea
| ecmascript wrote:
| Honestly this article is just really depressing. Just goes to
| show how modern technology has ruined peoples lives in ways that
| we could not anticipate. I always thought internet and social
| media would bring you more friends but it appears like people are
| way more lonely today and I identify as one of them.
|
| Honestly, finding new friends as a grown up, especially as a man,
| is very hard. But I rather have my wedding alone with just my
| family than with some random people I pay. I'd rather not have
| any party before the wedding than with people who are not my real
| friends. Maybe that's just me but I find this "trend", if you can
| call it that, a dystopia.
|
| We don't need more fake friends, we need less.
| COM2323 wrote:
| Maybe it just depends where you live or how you use
| internet/social media? For me it's actually much easier. As an
| introvert I don't really like approaching random people "on the
| street". So whenever I start a new hobby or interest I usually
| just find some local community via their
| website/forum/Facebook, participate online and then join them
| in person. This has worked amazingly for me over the last 25+
| years.
| FrustratedMonky wrote:
| Probably a big market beyond bridesmaid.
|
| Uber for Friends.
|
| There was netflix show with it as a subplot.
|
| There was a phone app, and you could just hire a friend for an
| afternoon to hang out.
| syndicatedjelly wrote:
| Could be a Nathan for You episode
| OJFord wrote:
| I don't think it was, but could imagine that as a Black Mirror
| episode. A bit similar to the social rating one.
| focusedone wrote:
| I worked at a wedding supply business during college and later as
| a photographer. I've probably been paid to attend a couple
| hundred weddings total.
|
| It's a great way to see a wide cross section of people in a very
| stressful situation. Some people get _so_ wound up on every
| little detail and even minor deviations from an unattainable
| perfection result in an avalanche of emotion.
|
| Other people are totally chill and just there to celebrate
| something special with family and friends.
|
| Either way, I can 100% see the need / benefit of having a
| professional (or seasoned wedding attender) in the wedding party.
| Someone who's _seen some stuff_ and stays calm when whatever
| nutso thing happens.
|
| Even perfectly reasonable, chill couples will have that one crazy
| aunt projecting expectations on everyone around them. Having
| someone close to the party who can identify and firewall the
| crazy can keep a wonderful day from becoming a stress fest.
|
| Anyway, the professional in the article identified a real felt
| need she could address and found a way to get paid fixing it.
| Good for her!
| mejarc wrote:
| My courthouse wedding over 20 years ago cost $75, had no
| showers, no attendants, no reception, and was memorialized only
| by a snapshot taken by one of the affable court clerks. I've
| never regretted it. The only way my spouse and I pulled it off
| was to keep our plans secret from our families. My mother-in-
| law resents me for that to this day.
| groestl wrote:
| To each their own. Some people enjoy giving parties, and then
| it's just another reason to throw a big party.
| lotsofpulp wrote:
| Weddings (and any other tradition/ritual that requires
| sacrifice) are also an opportunity to display a level of
| commitment to a broader tribe.
|
| Regardless of one's philosophies, playing along with the
| broader group's traditions and spending something
| (time/money/effort) to do it is a signal to the others for
| how invested you are in a particular group of people.
|
| Obviously, like anything else, it can be overdone. But it
| is not without value, and there is a reason wedding
| celebrations came into being in cultures around the world.
| KptMarchewa wrote:
| Then do a party. Or 3. It will be still cheaper, because
| anything in context of wedding makes the cost increase 5
| times.
| dap wrote:
| I think this is easier said than done. You can certainly
| save enormously by skipping a lot of the traditional
| stuff (nice meal, music, cake, attire, photographer,
| etc.) altogether. But there's a reason those things are
| popular. A nice meal, music, and dancing make a great way
| to include multiple generations (toddlers to elderly) and
| people who don't necessarily know each other well (and
| don't share interests) but are nonetheless important to
| you. Throw in a photographer because these events are
| often a treasured (and rare) source of extended family
| photos and you've accounted for most of the cost of my
| own wedding, which was about average.
|
| We looked for options to save by having a 20% "less nice"
| meal or a 40% "less good" photographer, but broadly
| speaking, those aren't really levers that we found. I
| guess you could try to lie to vendors and tell them that
| the music is for a retirement party and that they're
| going to be photographing a family reunion and hope they
| charge you less? I'm not sure the extra cost is as
| unreasonable as it sounds though. We were far from trying
| to "get every detail right", but we did want the stuff we
| paid for to show up. Just "showing up" with high
| probability is a substantially higher level of service
| than I get from most contractors/vendors/etc. that I've
| worked with more broadly in my life and I'm not surprised
| it would cost something.
| PKop wrote:
| Debating with men that a minimalist wedding will suffice
| is pretty humorous; these aren't the people that need
| convincing or dominating the demand for extravagant
| weddings.
| stuaxo wrote:
| I like the idea of the party being separate, so many of
| them the bride and groom aren't at the party too long as
| they disappear to spend time with each other.
| giraffe_lady wrote:
| My wedding was the only time in my entire life I had every
| person I love together in the same room. Worth ten thousand
| dollars or more.
| AtlasBarfed wrote:
| So it's all about you?
| guizzy wrote:
| ...
|
| Her wedding? Well, yeah, that's kind of the point, isn't
| it? It being a day all about her and her mate?
| msabalau wrote:
| My wife and I did city hall, but with the encouragement of my
| mother-in-law who thought it was it was smart and sensible.
| (And, it was, in fact, what she had herself done.)
|
| I managed to persuade my wife and mother-in-law that could be
| fun to have a small celebratory reception for a close group
| of immediate family members, which we did three months later.
| Small and intimate, with 20 people, it was easy to pull off,
| and the official marriage details were already complete, so
| that was less pressure, and we could just focus on being
| present with our guests.
|
| And three months after that, we had a small reception with
| friends, because I persuaded my wife that her close friends
| would enjoy a chance to celebrate and see her in "the dress".
| Which they did.
|
| Splitting what would normally could be an overwhelming thing
| into three small parts removed a lot of stress, was cost
| effective, and also meant that the wedding gown got to be
| used three times, not once and then stored. Maybe not the
| best choice for everyone, but it can be a fun option.
| r00fus wrote:
| Definitely support the "rolling thunder" approach to
| weddings vs "big bang" - our wedding years ago was in 3
| different locations with 3 different groups (our kids are
| very multi-ethnic/national) over the course of a year and
| it would have been impossible to merge the 3 groups or
| expectations (we joked about "extending the tour" to other
| locations/groups but life intervened).
| Waterluvian wrote:
| My wife and I did a city wall wedding and invited nobody. We
| had doubts but conviction to do it. As the years go on we
| only become more confident about that choice.
| PKop wrote:
| A huge portion of men would fine with this and wouldn't
| regret it either, but it doesn't happen that often for
| obvious reasons and likely never will.
| sverona wrote:
| My husband and I did this, basically.
|
| Our idea is to do the whole celebration thing in a few years.
| We'll renew our vows for an anniversary and do all the
| planning then.
| Waterluvian wrote:
| This is a kind of person that people just generally need in
| their friend group for life.
| alexwhb wrote:
| Really interesting read. Thanks for posting. Pretty sad how many
| people seem to not have enough close friends, but it is
| understandable the more self isolated and individualistic our
| culture gets.
| kunle wrote:
| I don't think AI is going to replace this job anytime soon.
| tsss wrote:
| It did replace her last job very successfully.
| guidoism wrote:
| When I was 23 years old, just out of college, just moved across
| the country my friend from high school got married. We never
| talked over the phone or email just hung out when we were both in
| our hometown.
|
| He asked me (along with the rest of our group) to be in his
| wedding. He was the first of my friends to get married.
|
| When I arrived I was appalled at the amount of money I was
| expected to pay. I paid for the plane flight across the country,
| yes that was expected. I got to the hotel and checked into the
| room he reserved for me but I had to pay for that (I would have
| gotten a cheaper hotel if I had known). The next day we drove out
| to a tux place and I was fitted for the tux. And I had to pay for
| that too, I think it was like maybe $150 to rent the tux. I was
| blown away by the costs of everything. Then during the wedding I
| find out that I'm an usher, I was just there to walk guests to
| their seats.
|
| I think I paid like $600, not something I could easily afford 23
| years ago.
|
| It wouldn't have big that big of a deal if I had known beforehand
| but the costs were completely unexpected. I know better now. And
| have happily paid, but people getting married should be upfront
| with their wedding party how much it's going to cost them to be
| in the wedding.
| raptorraver wrote:
| My sister just told that she's flying to Italy for her friend's
| weddings next summer. I asked if her friend's future husband is
| from Italy or if they have some connection there: nope, they
| decided to arrange it there because it's much cheaper for them.
| Don't think they though about the costs for their guests, nor
| environment.
| onlyrealcuzzo wrote:
| > but people getting married should be upfront with their
| wedding party how much it's going to cost them to be in the
| wedding.
|
| Are you not from the states?
|
| It's common knowledge / _assumed_ that you pay for everything
| beside dinner and drinks.
| KittenInABox wrote:
| I was surprised by this too. I was raised in the states but
| my family is extremely chill when it comes to weddings, never
| more than a small ceremony at court + dinner.
| anonu wrote:
| There's a market for everything...
| tsss wrote:
| People like that have the easiest life ever and then act like
| they're fighting in the Vietnamese jungle.
| themadturk wrote:
| I got married 42 years ago next month. We had hardly any money,
| but had a full-blown church wedding. My wife's mother made the
| wedding gown as a wedding gift. Her dad, a certified gemologist,
| designed and made the ring (I only had to buy the diamond; the
| gold and his services were free). A lifelong friend of her
| parents was the wedding coordinator. We had a friend do pictures;
| he agreed to buy the film and we paid for that and his time, and
| we did the processing ourselves (long, long before digital). The
| reception was a potluck. I don't remember how much it cost us,
| but it was affordable to us, thanks to generous friends and
| family.
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