[HN Gopher] Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
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Ask HN: Advice for a new father?
I've long turned to HN for career and technological advice - but
now I face a different hurdle. I'm a young father - my first. Is
there anything the fathers of HN would tell a new father (or
parent)?
Author : CoreSet
Score : 14 points
Date : 2024-02-08 22:19 UTC (41 minutes ago)
| aristofun wrote:
| Get ready to get your sleeping/relaxation/stress/time management
| game to the new level.
| dougweltman wrote:
| Enjoy it!
| PopAlongKid wrote:
| Get some term life insurance (assuming you are not wealthy enough
| to self-insure).
| HenryBemis wrote:
| Read "Father forgets" by W. Livingston Larned.
|
| If it's a girl, read Strong Fathers - Strong Daughters. If it's a
| boy, read Strong Mothers - Strong Sons. (even if you aren't the
| mother, it's a useful book).
| neilsharma wrote:
| Outsource as much as you can afford, even if its just help around
| the house.
| pavel_lishin wrote:
| Sleep when the baby sleeps. Eat when the baby eats. Do the dishes
| when the baby does dishes.
|
| More realistically:
|
| 1. If you're raising the baby with a spouse, communication is
| going to be wildly important. Be more explicit than you think you
| need to be about things - you're both going to be tired, and it's
| all too easy to make an uncharitable assumption.
|
| 2. One thing that worked for us, re: night-time, was shifts. My
| wife was responsible for the baby waking up until ~4am, and then
| I was responsible for her waking up after that - meaning,
| whoever's shift it was, was responsible for getting up, feeding
| the baby if she needed to be fed, and getting her soothed back to
| sleep. It ensured that while we didn't actually get eight
| straight hours, there was a solid six-ish hour period during
| which one of us at least didn't have to get out of bed.
|
| Your mileage may vary on that; if y'all are bottle-feeding, then
| it'll be much easier. If not, then your spouse is probably not
| going to get as much of a break.
|
| 3. Lean hard on any family members or friends who are willing to
| help, but make sure you tell them what you need. If what you need
| is prepared meals dropped off, and then for them to fuck off and
| leave the three of you alone, tell them that. If you need them to
| watch the baby for two hours in the afternoon while you nap (or
| read, or just go for a walk to be alone), make sure they know
| that's what you need.
|
| 4. I got a baby bjorn and loved it; wearing a baby means she's
| comfortable, and you're comfortable, and your hands are free. My
| wife preferred a different style, though.
|
| 5. This is one of the top five most difficult things your spouse
| and you will go through. Seriously, accept that and understand
| that you will get mad at your spouse, your spouse will get mad at
| you, you'll both get mad at the baby, your baby will be mad at
| you. It's going to be wildly stressful. You'll make it through
| it, though - as long as you remember point 1, communicate, and
| understand that it gets better, easier, and more fun.
| latentcall wrote:
| I'm in the same situation as OP and I believe this advice will
| be super helpful and echoes other things my coworkers have
| said. Thank you!
| Rygian wrote:
| Many will tell you to enjoy each moment because they grow up so
| fast. It's true, and it's alright.
|
| The only thing you owe to your future self is the knowledge that
| you have been fully present while your kid grows up. That, and as
| many pics and videos your NAS and backup can hold.
| legitster wrote:
| A lot of what makes a kid turn into a "good" adult are well
| outside of your control. The best advice is about how to make
| parenting easier and more enjoyable for you in the long run. The
| more fun you have parenting, the more parenting you will end up
| doing.
|
| Any good habit you start early will pay off dividends later.
| Anything you let slide will agonize you for years and years.
|
| Most advice you find online is useless. "Mommy-bloggers" have SEO
| spammed the internet with waste. It's either some form of extreme
| child micromanagement, or rituals designed for people with saint-
| like patience or time on their hands. Get your advice from real
| people - pediatricians, parents, friends, etc.
| jamesear wrote:
| First few months are tough, but it gets better. Look out for you
| and your partner's mental and physical health.
|
| Keep newborns to a schedule.
|
| Don't worry too much, nothing is that difficult, it's just a lot
| of work, done on interrupted sleep.
|
| Your child is only a newborn once, try to cherish the time when
| you have opportunity.
|
| Welcome to the club. :)
| hitpointdrew wrote:
| Try to enjoy it, even when you're exhausted. Spend as much time
| as you can with them, work can wait, house chores those can wait
| too.
|
| It won't be long when you won't rock them to sleep.
|
| It won't be long when they won't ask you to play with them.
| idermoth wrote:
| Welcome to the club and congrats.
|
| - Make time for your partner. Both to continue nurturing your
| relationship, give each other alone time, and keep communication
| open (and on a relaxed tone). I cannot stress this enough.
|
| - Set routines early. Even before our kids slept through the
| night, we started routines. You don't have to go crazy. Bath-time
| at Xpm, reading by Xpm, sleep by Xpm. Does wonders as they age.
|
| - Sounds silly, but understand every kid is different. You'd be
| surprised how much their personalities seem formed even as tiny
| babies. What works for one kid might not work for another, even
| though you figure out strategies. (Ex. reverse psychology really
| does work at 7y for some reason).
|
| - No one gives you a blueprint. Don't beat yourself up. Accept
| now that your actions will have unintended consequences. My wife
| and I are very intentional about our parenting because of bad
| upbringings. When you screw up, acknowledged where it was and
| what you can do in the future, but give yourself some leeway.
| It's not like they give us rule-books for this stuff.
|
| - Find a support ASAP. Most parents I know have almost no
| support, and it shows. If your parents or grandparents or other
| family are there, speak up when you need help. Someone doing your
| dishes or giving you a night off is big. But cars will break
| down, you'll wonder how you're going to juggle everything. Find
| people you can trust.
|
| - Read early and read often. Self-explanatory. Our kids are
| insane readers because we read to them constantly from the
| beginning. Whenever they wanted.
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(page generated 2024-02-08 23:01 UTC)