[HN Gopher] How to Be More Agentic
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       How to Be More Agentic
        
       Author : danboarder
       Score  : 231 points
       Date   : 2024-01-13 05:58 UTC (17 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (usefulfictions.substack.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (usefulfictions.substack.com)
        
       | mark_l_watson wrote:
       | I liked the author's idea of finding rough edges that other
       | people don't want to deal with. Unlike the author, I have always
       | been a bit of a slacker, working just part time most of my life.
       | That said, I do think that when I do work I like rough edges!
       | Good read.
        
       | samstave wrote:
       | > _"manifest determination to make things happen."_
       | 
       | In my family, my mother always called this as "Reality Bending"
       | (no relation to airbender) -- but they referred to Jobs' "reality
       | distortion field"
       | 
       | My father had this to great effect.
       | 
       | My brother has it to a certain degree.
       | 
       | I used to have it in spades when I was younger - but I have
       | become "will-power" complacent in my older years, which snowballs
       | into to depression.
       | 
       | I certainly feel getting dumber as I age - which is in part to
       | the fact that I had a vast amount of information relating to my
       | job when I was younger in my head - but now a ton of the
       | knowledge I once had on quick access is simply obsolete.
       | 
       | Here is a quick example.
       | 
       | When I was ~20 someone I knew had accidentally changed ALL the
       | display UI elements in Windows 95 to black.
       | 
       | Just by memory I could hit start and navigate to settings and
       | display and fixed it back to normal - all by memory.
       | 
       | I couldnt even tell you where any of those setting were as fast
       | on W95 today even if I had the machine in front of me and access
       | to google.
        
         | rco8786 wrote:
         | Your Windows 95 story definitely resonates. I installed Windows
         | XP so many times that I had not only the pirated key memorized,
         | but I would start moving my mouse toward the next button before
         | it had even appeared on screen. People used to be impressed at
         | how fast I could find the "Eastern Time Zone" option in the
         | combo box.
        
       | nick__m wrote:
       | Assume everything is learnable
       | 
       | This made me think of late grandmother who used to say : "c'est
       | faite par du mondes" which roughly expand to "a person
       | did/learned/discovered that so there is no a prioi reason that I
       | cannot do so myself". That's the greatest value she passed unto
       | me. When I feel that I cannot do something, I think about that
       | phrase and persevere.
        
         | danenania wrote:
         | Something else I find encouraging, and the reason, basically,
         | that "everything is learnable" is that all knowledge, no matter
         | how complex, is composed of fundamentally simple parts. Just as
         | complex tasks or complex movements are composed of many simple
         | steps or movements.
         | 
         | This is what makes the maxim that "you don't understand
         | something unless you can explain it in simple terms" true.
        
           | stvltvs wrote:
           | Yes, and this has its limits. Many true experts in their
           | fields would struggle to explain their field simply. I like
           | to think I'm an expert in my work, but how many times have I
           | explained to my wife what I do in simple terms, and she still
           | has no idea what I do?
           | 
           | Complex ideas often get distorted or lost in simple
           | explanations.
        
             | danenania wrote:
             | I think the limits are mainly a matter of time and mental
             | energy. While quantum physics is ultimately composed of
             | many simple concepts, the number is so large that it takes
             | years to enumerate them all.
             | 
             | You _could_ explain your work to your wife in terms simple
             | and exhaustive enough for her to fully understand. It would
             | just take a longer time and more concentration than either
             | of you wants to expend.
        
             | danielmarkbruce wrote:
             | Absolutely. And most things most people work on today are
             | complex. To do my job I need to understand 100 different
             | things. Not a single one is difficult. But to explain it in
             | simple terms simply isn't possible because it's not 1 or 2
             | big things.
             | 
             | When people explain things in simple terms, they are often
             | either borderline lying, or tucking an exceptionally large
             | tree of concepts under a single word or phrase.
        
         | steveBK123 wrote:
         | I actually work for a guy like this now and at first I didn't
         | quite get what he was doing, but I really like it now. He comes
         | from a non-technical background but can code enough to be
         | dangerous now.
         | 
         | He loves talking to experts in every facet of what we do, and
         | just start from the most basic foundational questions. He has
         | absolutely no ego about embarrassing himself by the basics of
         | questions he asks and no shame about digging in with follow
         | ups.
         | 
         | It's actually quite a powerful thing. Experts love to explain
         | things if given the space. You also start to realize how narrow
         | and sometimes shallow expertise is, and it lowers your own
         | anxiety.
        
           | lo_zamoyski wrote:
           | Yes, pride is the biggest obstacle to growth. It prevents you
           | from making our needs known, because it means making an
           | admission that you _lack_ something (like knowledge or
           | understanding, in this case). It means being _honest_ about
           | what you are (humility), revealing your deficits. And we all
           | have deficits. We all have lack. Love is about seeking and
           | receiving what you lack (eros), and giving to those who lack
           | what they seek (agape).
           | 
           | So what does this tell us, this tendency toward pride? I
           | means many of us spend a horrifying amount of time posing,
           | pretending, feigning worth we don't actually have, in order
           | to appear to be something we are not, because we think this
           | will get us things we couldn't by being honest. In order
           | words, we're liars, fraud, and cheats. We lie to get things
           | we know, or least believe, we do not deserve, through false
           | advertising. And we fear being belittled and ridiculed and
           | put down, or losing or losing something. We shirk
           | responsibility this way. We confuse purity with a kind of
           | "cleanliness". We want to appear clean, but become impure and
           | corrupt in doing so.
           | 
           | The choice between pride and humility is, I think, the basic
           | decision in life one must make, and keep making, and it can
           | be difficult as the world does not make it easy to prefer
           | what is good. It seems to want to reward you for pretense,
           | and punish you for honesty and the truth. That's why you also
           | need courage, the courage to surrender to the consequences,
           | of doing the right thing and being humble, and embrace them.
           | You cannot control anything but your actions within your
           | limits. You need to be able to accept just but painful
           | outcomes gladly, and suffer the injustices. The inability to
           | suffer, to suffer injustice, is the gateway to pride, and
           | pride comes before the fall, before death and stagnation. You
           | get further in life by suffering and moving forward,
           | suffering and moving forward, suffering and moving
           | forward.[0] There is no life in you otherwise. There is no
           | love in you otherwise.
           | 
           | [0] This is also why the Via Crucis is so powerful. Life is
           | not a party or a pleasure garden. It's a struggle that ends
           | in death. The only choice is one between miserable comfort
           | and wasteful decay on the one hand, and struggle, suffering,
           | and total exhaustion on the other. The Via Crucis, a road
           | full of suffering that passes through death, at least ends in
           | final liberation. But that is the price, the narrow gate.
           | Most choose the wide gate of miserable self-preservation,
           | something they will loose in the end anyway.
        
           | brnt wrote:
           | > You also start to realize how narrow and sometimes shallow
           | expertise is
           | 
           | Thanks for putting this in such clear words.
           | 
           | What I would really like to learn is not to be ticked off
           | about seeing this. I get annoyed when somebody is pawning
           | their expertise of as something grand while I think it's
           | quite limited, and often, of course, so limited that they
           | can't even conceive of the space outside their limits. I find
           | my natural reaction overly negative and just not productive.
        
             | twbarber wrote:
             | This resonates with me. I've so far chalked it up to envy
             | of their "unearned" confidence that's rooted in my own
             | self-esteem issues. Recognizing a fellow imposter in the
             | wild.
        
           | sn9 wrote:
           | This guy will be a staff engineer soon.
        
             | twbarber wrote:
             | Is this tongue in cheek? I appreciate and try to emulate
             | this trait, but worry it comes off as politic-ing.
        
               | brobinson wrote:
               | What I got out of it was "determination eventually beats
               | natural skill over time".
        
             | mattgreenrocks wrote:
             | Hopefully they want that title :)
        
         | drakonka wrote:
         | I always assumed everyone assumed everything was learnable.
         | Realizing this (i.e., that being everyone's default belief)
         | might not be the case is kind of blowing my mind a little right
         | now.
        
           | jvanderbot wrote:
           | You can learn anything you want, but really wanting is the
           | hardest part.
        
             | drakonka wrote:
             | Agreed, I've always believed you can learn anything you
             | want. The realization I was talking about was the one where
             | maybe that's not the default assumption for everyone.
        
               | coldtea wrote:
               | Of course it's not the default assumption.
        
             | deegles wrote:
             | I think actually following through over time is the hard
             | part. Wanting to do something is easy.
        
               | jvanderbot wrote:
               | Sustained motivation is just a matter of degree of want.
               | If you want something enough you will do it.
               | 
               | At least that's my premise.
        
               | marcosdumay wrote:
               | This is a wild oversimplification. And very dangerous if
               | you try to apply to people in more complex situations.
        
             | kiba wrote:
             | There's all sort of obstacles to learning. It could be the
             | price of the courses you want to take, the lack of
             | motivation/willpower/discipline to follow through, poor
             | learning skills, lack of equipment or materials.
        
           | p1esk wrote:
           | Everything is learnable but most things are not worth
           | learning.
        
           | LargeWu wrote:
           | Ask ten people if they can draw, and half will say "No, I'm
           | not artistic" or "I'm not creative", as though it were an
           | innate quality.
        
           | ants_everywhere wrote:
           | People used to think few things were learnable and you had to
           | have innate talent to learn something.
           | 
           | One of the few remaining holdouts of this idea is perfect
           | pitch. Most people I've seen express an opinion don't believe
           | it's learnable after some childhood cutoff period. I'm not
           | sure how well researched it is, though.
        
             | spease wrote:
             | There was a study where they found that taking valproate
             | opened a critical period that helped people learn it.
             | 
             | https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3848041/
        
               | ants_everywhere wrote:
               | Very cool, I wasn't aware of that study. Thanks!
        
         | scoot wrote:
         | That in turn reminds me of a British reality TV series from the
         | 2000s called "Faking It". Participants were trained by experts
         | in a specific skill that they had no existing knowledge of, and
         | then they had to convince others that they were genuinely
         | skilled in that area, which they almost always did.
         | 
         | It was "fake it 'till you make it" condensed into a single
         | episode. Loved that show!
        
           | abecedarius wrote:
           | Interesting how different the things we're reminded of are: I
           | was thinking of a maxim Feynman liked, "What one fool can do,
           | another can." (Not sure if it's original to him; my memory
           | suggests it might've been from one of the calculus book he
           | read as a teen.)
        
             | aimor wrote:
             | Ancient Simian Proverb
             | 
             | That's how it's attributed in Calculus Made Easy by
             | Silvanus P. Thompson and it stuck with me too.
        
         | Scubabear68 wrote:
         | I found this out late in life working on an environmental
         | cause. We were all volunteers and had limited money, so I
         | started learning about pipelines and regulations and legal
         | concepts, etc etc. If you have the right kind of mind, it very
         | empowering to be able to step into a new field and really learn
         | it and work it.
         | 
         | The flip side of this is that not everyone's brain works this
         | way. In fact, I'd say the vast majority can't do this. The
         | biggest mistake an autodidact can make is assuming other people
         | can learn like they do. But if you have the gift, use it and
         | explore it and it will likely be highly rewarding to your life.
        
           | drakonka wrote:
           | I don't think I can believe that the majority can't do this
           | without some evidence. But regardless, I'm really curious
           | what makes you think that? What in your opinion would be
           | stopping them, other than maybe just not believing they can
           | or bothering to try (which imo has nothing to do with whether
           | they _can_)?
        
             | Scubabear68 wrote:
             | Based on the environmental and community based work I've
             | done, and also my experience at school. I pick up most
             | things on my own, and always suffered in a classroom
             | environment.
             | 
             | But most people I know and have worked with are the
             | opposite. They have real trouble picking up new subjects
             | without a teacher guiding them through it and formal
             | courses.
             | 
             | Anecdotal I know, but the true autodidacts I've encountered
             | are rare in general terms. That said, a LOT of technology
             | people can largely self-teach, and I think a much higher
             | percentage of HN readers can learn new subjects quickly
             | compared to the general population.
        
           | kiba wrote:
           | Learning materials in itself a skill that is not widely
           | taught.
        
         | at_a_remove wrote:
         | Yeah. I clued into this at some point. I think it came to a
         | head when I had a washer start making a lot of noise and
         | behaving badly. I thought, "The worst thing you can do is break
         | it more, these things _were_ designed to be repaired by other
         | humans with a manual, humans who might not have even gone to
         | college, gasp. "
         | 
         | So I ordered the manual and the parts I thought needed
         | replacement and went at it. Boom, done.
        
         | d-lisp wrote:
         | You probably mean "c'est fait par du monde" or maybe that's
         | some way of mocking french language that I am not aware of !?
        
           | nick__m wrote:
           | it's the way it's spoken where I reside.
        
             | d-lisp wrote:
             | Where do you reside ?
        
             | johnchristopher wrote:
             | I am curious now, without revealing too much, can you give
             | the phonetics ?
        
       | g-w1 wrote:
       | Here is a question I asked about concrete examples of doing
       | agentic things, because I think that concrete examples are
       | necessary to expand your horizons:
       | https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/umJmRfcJndY3Gsr36/concrete-e...
        
       | takinola wrote:
       | I wish the author had included concrete examples of finding edges
       | (and the process of finding them). I wonder if anyone here has an
       | example from their experience?
        
         | dist-epoch wrote:
         | One way is seeing if the predictions you make repeatedly come
         | true in some domain, especially if they go against the general
         | consensus. Is so, it means you have an edge in that domain -
         | you see things more clearly than others or have original
         | insights. Now think about your current predictions about that
         | domain, and see if you can act on them somehow.
         | 
         | One definition of an edge is knowing something other people
         | don't. You have to be careful not to fool yourself.
        
       | munchler wrote:
       | What the heck is a "physical read" in poker? Is that like a
       | person having a tell? (Something they do that is unintentionally
       | revealing.)
        
         | danenania wrote:
         | "Is that like a person having a tell?"
         | 
         | Yes, same thing.
        
           | munchler wrote:
           | Why would other pros say "nuh-uh, that's not a thing"? I
           | thought the concept of a tell was widely known.
        
             | danenania wrote:
             | It's widely known but many pros consider it to be of low
             | importance compared with "hand reading", which is more
             | about putting someone in a play-style bucket based on the
             | hands you observe and then deducing what hand range they
             | are likely to hold from their actions in the hand up to
             | that point. Physical tells are typically considered as
             | unreliable compared to this unless they are really obvious.
             | Amateurs tend to overestimate the importance of tells vs.
             | hand reading.
        
               | spease wrote:
               | So it's perhaps more like there's a local minimum before
               | you reach the global maximum.
        
               | danenania wrote:
               | Right. If you're already really good at hand reading, you
               | might get some extra edge in working to improve your
               | physical reads, but otherwise looking for subtle tells
               | will probably just make you play even worse.
               | 
               | In elite games, you would assume everyone is an expert at
               | hand reading, so it makes sense that physical reads would
               | become more important.
        
             | takinola wrote:
             | Tells are something you see more of in "movie" poker rather
             | than real poker. Most poker guides (as the OP alludes)
             | discourage tell based play unless you are playing with
             | people you are very familiar with and have studied over
             | time. Even then, it's a bit of a crapshoot as opponents can
             | use this against you ("did he scratch his temple because he
             | has a poor hand or because he wants me to think he has a
             | poor hand?")
             | 
             | The one suggestion that I do find helpful is not to look at
             | your cards as they are dealt but instead look at your
             | opponents' faces as they look at theirs. Sometimes their
             | micro-expressions betray them before they regain composure.
        
       | hiAndrewQuinn wrote:
       | Good article! I am in a phase of life where I'd prefer to be less
       | "agentic", and more of a mindless automaton, always doing the
       | tasks I set out to do myself in a day.
       | 
       | What stands between me and most of my current goals is nothing
       | but investments of time - hundreds, thousands of hours of time.
       | There is no money component, and I cannot significantly
       | accelerate my progress on any of them using money either. My
       | agency isn't going to go anywhere, in fact it reasserts itself
       | annoyingly often with flights of fancy and going back to focusing
       | purely on making money. But I do wish I could tell it to shut up
       | and just let me focus on the grind more often.
        
         | SeanAnderson wrote:
         | Care to share what you're working towards?
        
           | hiAndrewQuinn wrote:
           | Language learning, endurance biking, weight loss, and
           | meditation at this point. (EDIT: some physical wound healing
           | too, forgot about that)
           | 
           | Quitting alcohol was also a very similar battle after a
           | decade of increasingly severe abuse of it. I had my last
           | drink 467 days ago, and for the first 6 months or so
           | basically the only things I had the mental fortitude to
           | juggle were "don't lose my job" and "don't succumb to the
           | bottle". Much easier said than done to willingly remove the
           | one coping mechanism you could rely on all throughout NEETdom
           | to graduating from a top university with honors, but I did
           | it, thank goodness.
        
             | kiba wrote:
             | Doing what you want to do is my very definition of being
             | agenty. Some of the most difficult thing in the world
             | required long duration effort.
        
       | SeanAnderson wrote:
       | Is agency closely related to self-confidence?
       | 
       | Most of the points on this list seemed related to that. Not the
       | "don't work too hard" bit, but the rest seem in the same
       | ballpark.
        
         | fwipsy wrote:
         | I think the connotations are a little different. Self-
         | confidence can include a sort of complacency (confidence in
         | what you're currently doing), whereas agency seems to be more a
         | will to figure things out, whatever it takes.
        
         | Sol- wrote:
         | I wondered the same. Seems very difficult for a person with low
         | self-confidence to act on these recommendations.
        
           | meowkit wrote:
           | One of the tips is assume everything is learnable - you can
           | learn to be self-confident.
           | 
           | My self-confidence was in the trash during high school. In
           | college I had a couple of experiences that gave me
           | opportunities to learn to be confident.
           | 
           | The sense of difficulty is a sign of opportunity.
        
         | gregwebs wrote:
         | Yes but self confidence works against all this when it doesn't
         | come with awareness and humility around what you don't know.
         | You need self skepticism about opinions and new knowledge but
         | confidence around ability to perform actions.
        
         | layer8 wrote:
         | To some degree, but if you find that your agency is impaired by
         | a lack of self-confidence, you can start by trying to fake
         | self-confidence.
        
       | blueyes wrote:
       | This piece about how she lives, by her husband Sasha, is also
       | great:
       | 
       | https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/things-you-learn-dating-c...
        
         | Podgajski wrote:
         | Reading that it sounds like to me she's unipolar manic. And
         | this is coming from someone who knows about it because I have
         | bipolar disorder.
         | 
         | This would also possibly describe her drug addiction If the
         | drugs weren't drugs that would fuel mania.
        
       | ilaksh wrote:
       | I feel like what I actually need to have more agency is just
       | money or rich connections that want to give me money. Since I'm
       | broke, not very healthy, and isolated, I am just trying to get
       | by. My ambition (in some sense) is probably about a billion times
       | greater than my means, however.
        
       | motohagiography wrote:
       | So refreshing, and timely. Diving into the moat of low status is
       | a huge multiplier. Courting rejection is a super power because
       | when success is explosive and non-linear, it favours the players
       | who make the most attempts, and not the hardest ones.
       | 
       | Timely because it's not just winter, I hit a really hard personal
       | low over the last few months. This article reminded me that I do
       | hard, scary, and difficult things, and my lows get none of the
       | consolations of mediocrity. I do them because once you are good
       | at hard things, you get untouchable confidence founded on genuine
       | humility of having crossed the moat of low status, which
       | translates into other parts of your life. The lows are when you
       | lose sight of that, and thank you for helping to put this back in
       | perspective.
        
         | Podgajski wrote:
         | Cate believe success is all about luck. She said it herself.
         | 
         | https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/things-you-learn-dating-c...
        
           | rco8786 wrote:
           | What is your purpose with these posts?
        
             | Podgajski wrote:
             | My point is to help you not forget your compassion. All
             | this talk about agency is nothing if you don't have the
             | luck to go along with it. So if you see someone who's
             | homeless, don't talk to them about their agency. Just help
             | them.
        
               | pphysch wrote:
               | > Just help them.
               | 
               | Trivializing homelessness like this doesn't help, and I
               | strongly disagree that "agency is nothing" to unhoused
               | people. There are many free resources available, but the
               | organizations providing them often don't have the
               | capacity to efficiently allocate them to those in need,
               | due to difficulties with reach, etc.
               | 
               | Escaping poverty is a function of others' generosity
               | (luck) but also agency; you can't do it without some
               | amount of self-belief and proactivity and exposing
               | yourself to opportunities for aid. But it's very
               | difficult and a lot of people give up.
        
               | Podgajski wrote:
               | I'm homeless. And I never said agency is nothing. I am
               | saying that luck is everything. For instance, I'm unlucky
               | to be a man who is homeless.
        
               | thecrims0nchin wrote:
               | They didn't say 'agency is nothing', you took that out of
               | context. They said 'talk about agency is nothing without
               | luck'
               | 
               | It's like me saying a bowl of soup is useless without a
               | spoon. And you go quote me as, "a bowl of soup is
               | useless".
               | 
               | You are arguing with yourself
        
       | arijo wrote:
       | Anyone recommends a good book on this subject?
       | 
       | Also, I'm always looking for book worms to follow on Goodreads,
       | so here is my Goodreads link in case you want to join me there!
       | 
       | https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/43909278-alexandre-gomes
        
       | zubairq wrote:
       | I need to do this as well... Pretty amazing article. I end up
       | doing a mix of autopilot and other stuff
        
       | febeling wrote:
       | > My rule is never to take instructions on how hard I should work
       | from someone who hasn't burned out before
       | 
       | I love this piece!
        
       | SeanAnderson wrote:
       | This article really spoke to me, but, ironically, I am concerned
       | about my ability to put it into practice.
       | 
       | I feel like there are areas of my life I have extreme agency over
       | and others I have no agency over. I hate it because the areas I
       | feel I lack agency in run counter to my sense of self. Things I
       | struggle to do don't feel like things I should struggle to do. I
       | wonder if this is something I learned when I was young?
       | 
       | Some examples:
       | 
       | * I live on my own in SF. I moved to California after college and
       | confidently left my small hometown without much support.
       | 
       | * I've led teams of engineers in fast-paced startup environments
       | and gotten us to exceptional results. I wouldn't bat an eye at
       | interviewing technical executives.
       | 
       | * I've quit my job, repeatedly, without backups in place, to
       | pursue technical side projects that sound meaningful to me until
       | I run ~out of money.
       | 
       | * I've led groups of 50+ people through week-long music
       | festivals, coordinating all the people, money, accommodations,
       | etc.
       | 
       | * I can confidently speak to large groups of people without
       | feeling self-conscious.
       | 
       | * I've travelled alone, internationally, for work and everything
       | went great and without cause for concern.
       | 
       | And yet...:
       | 
       | * I learned to drive at 32. I'm still "scared" of the concept,
       | don't own a vehicle, and haven't integrated driving into my
       | lifestyle.
       | 
       | * I can make a down-payment on a house, but continue to rent
       | because it sounds big and scary to do such a thing.
       | 
       | * I "fall into" relationships and jobs rather than actively
       | evaluating my wants, pursuing them, contrasting varying options,
       | etc.
       | 
       | * I would never dream of travelling alone, internationally, by
       | myself just to do a thing. It sounds scary doing it for myself,
       | but doing it for work sounds trivial.
       | 
       | * I'm very prone to overthinking situations and trying to solve
       | them in my head before taking a small, tangible step forward with
       | physical actions. This feels similar to lacking agency -- like I
       | would trust myself to gain agency but only once I'm confident
       | I've seen where taking action will take me.
       | 
       | Sometimes I feel like I don't understand myself because I feel
       | like all of these issues should be in the same class. I've done
       | things others feel are challenging, but struggle to apply that
       | same mindset to tasks I know others find trivial. Does this mean
       | I am lacking in agency? Does this mean I just have weird
       | standards for myself? Or is it something else entirely?
        
         | jamilton wrote:
         | IMO, everything in your "and yets" except relationships and
         | overthinking sound like ordinary preferences, rather than lack
         | of agency. Like, if you actively want to change those
         | preferences and haven't, maybe that's less agentic, but they
         | seem reasonable to me. Although I'm biased because I share some
         | of those traits.
         | 
         | And the other two I would personally consider in meaningfully
         | different categories than your successes, so maybe they're just
         | not in line with your strengths (yet).
        
         | throwaway98797 wrote:
         | anything external is possible
         | 
         | anything internal is impossible
         | 
         | ie make money ez
         | 
         | lose weight impossible
         | 
         | got to be some kind of psych issue
        
         | collin_of_this wrote:
         | Perhaps agency is less one single 'meta-skill' than a bunch of
         | domain specific 'micro-skills'. E.g., strategic thinking in a
         | tech company leadership roll is one skill (or set of skills),
         | strategic thinking in the context of a personal relationship is
         | another skill (or set of skills); managing fear in the context
         | of public speaking is one skill (or set of skills), managing
         | fear in the context of driving is another skill (or set of
         | skills).
         | 
         | Sometimes skills that seem superficially similar are
         | surprisingly non-transferable and context specific.
         | 
         | Ultimately, I think that the most generally applicable advice
         | is getting feedback from others, getting an outside view,
         | blindspot fuzzing, etc. Bottlenecks are usually not the obvious
         | things, because usually the obvious things have been tried,
         | without success. [That is, until the obvious thing is so
         | obvious that everyone assumes it has been tried before without
         | actually trying it. In which case it is again non-obvious!]
         | 
         | Personally, I have found that in personal relationships, a
         | fairly effective strategy to get "unstuck" is to take actions
         | that seem bizarre, unimaginable, or otherwise far outside the
         | distribution of my ordinary responses. I do this because
         | usually if I feel stuck, or there is some unpleasant dynamic,
         | then a part of that dynamic that keeps it going is my actions,
         | which are based in what I tend to do. If I find myself in the
         | 3rd, 4th, or 5th iteration of something unpleasant that I feel
         | like has played out before, I'll do something far outside the
         | distribution of my ordinary actions, and it has a much better
         | chance of getting me unstuck (though, it still might only be a
         | 1%-10% chance of getting me unstuck per random action).
         | 
         | Perhaps there is some sort of general algorithm in that for
         | getting unstuck. A sort of exhaustive process of elimination,
         | with some sort of outside generativity, and some feedback loops
         | grounded in reality, that is one's best chance at escaping
         | local optima.
        
         | overengineer wrote:
         | I am feeling the same way. It makes me get confused about
         | myself a lot. I think it is ok that, I can fear from or fail at
         | things that are easy for other people while something that is
         | hard for the most people can be trivial for me.
        
       | hyperthesis wrote:
       | It's easier to exercise daily, but I make better progress if I
       | rest alternate days.
       | 
       | It's easier to keep working, but I do my best thinking during a
       | nap.
        
       | vaylian wrote:
       | > Someone recently asked me how one might go about learning
       | charisma, and the answer was really boring: by reading a few
       | books, watching many hours of charismatic people interacting with
       | others, and adopting a few of their habits.
       | 
       | Any recommendations for books?
        
         | algas wrote:
         | The classic is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale
         | Carnegie -- highly recommended. If you're young and looking for
         | something more helpful in romance, watch Before Sunrise.
        
       | da39a3ee wrote:
       | > and the number one female poker player in the world
       | 
       | If the author was that then contrary to the thesis of their blog
       | post they are an outlier in that they have unusually high raw
       | mental power / intelligence in at least some dimensions of
       | intelligence. This means that, in fact, other people cannot
       | follow in their footsteps because those other people are not
       | lucky enough to have a brain like hers. The reason they don't
       | have a brain as good as hers might be genetics but is much more
       | likely to be that they didn't have educated parents with books on
       | the shelves who established a culture and expectations of
       | academic achievement. In other words, sorry, but TFA is the same
       | tired old right wing bullshit / American Dream crap of anyone can
       | pull themselves up by their bootstraps if they work hard enough.
       | (And I'm saying that as a wokery-hating centre-rightist!)
        
       | adfisgnio1234 wrote:
       | I think this post does a great job of arguing against its own
       | thesis. This woman was apparently the rank one poker player in
       | the world. She obviously has great natural ability and works hard
       | at what she does. So why doesn't she stick with anything for
       | longer than a few years? Why has she had an impressive start to
       | four or five different careers without following through on any
       | of them to real greatness?
       | 
       | She believes, or wants us to believe, that her personality has
       | helped her overcome her modest abilities. Instead it seems that
       | her immense natural ability has overcome a personality that
       | should by all rights have led her to ruin.
        
         | thecrims0nchin wrote:
         | I think you see moving around careers as a failure of some
         | type. I disagree and see that as success, so there is no
         | "arguing against your own thesis".
        
         | danielmarkbruce wrote:
         | There has to be a high correlation between people who get bored
         | and move on and people who can learn things fast (either by
         | technique/personality or raw iq points or both).
        
       | beastman82 wrote:
       | I've never understood seemingly successful people who feel the
       | need to brag. I think it must be some kind of Midwest modesty
        
       | babyshake wrote:
       | Was anyone else surprised to learn that this article is not in
       | fact about AI agents?
        
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