[HN Gopher] Developmental costs associated with early maternal w...
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Developmental costs associated with early maternal withdrawal
(2022)
Author : magnifique
Score : 56 points
Date : 2023-09-21 18:06 UTC (4 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com)
| melenaboija wrote:
| As a father of a two month old (and acknowledging the article
| goes in a different direction of my fears) this somehow reflects
| some of the questions that appear to me on decision taking that
| affects my child.
|
| And one of my main doubts is how to deal with the tradeoff
| finance/time spent with the baby. Should one of us quit from
| work? Maybe part time? Nanny at home vs daycare? Part of myself
| says it is obvious that the time spent with the kids is
| invaluable but at the same time thinking in our future and risks
| makes me be more materialistic.
|
| I wonder how people deal with this.
|
| EDIT: I consider we are in a privileged situation as I think we
| can afford to live with just one of the incomes.
| Tade0 wrote:
| My SO was out of the workforce for the 18 months until our
| daughter started qualifying for daycare and in hindsight it was
| a good call, because we could do e.g. baby-led weaning or
| address early signs of future posture problems and just be with
| her more.
|
| Long term we're both planning on working four days a week but
| to be perfectly honest it's more so that we can use that one
| day to recharge.
| gedy wrote:
| Expenses have a way of ballooning to fill your income, so my
| wife and I decided to drop to one income when we had our
| children. It's been fine without daycare or nannies.
| johndhi wrote:
| Congrats! It's a wild ride.
|
| 2 months was some of the hardest times ime.
|
| Fyi we did long parental leaves followed by home nannies
| followed by nanny share where we went to other house half of
| the time to eventually day care, then changed day cares.
|
| It depends on the kid (outgoing, brave, high energy, can start
| daycare younger) but I like waiting 1 year for day care.
| flardartbhhgg wrote:
| Here's an idea to consider.
|
| This is a broad scale study with meta analysis of multiple
| papers.
|
| It isn't meant for you. It's meant for public health
| administrators, doctors, other researchers.
|
| Parents (especially brand new parents who are into researching
| everything) all have their alert triggers set on max
| sensitivity. Just because this paper showed up here don't mean
| it relates to you.
|
| Do what you find natural and correct and don't invent a
| narrative that doesn't apply to you.
| kabouseng wrote:
| Don't delay daycare for too long. The best teachers for your
| young kids are often other kids. I have friends who left / kept
| their kids too long at home either caring for them themselves
| or with a nanny, and the kids were developmentally behind. No I
| don't believe it was permanently, but it is amazing to see how
| fast your kids learn to crawl, walk, talk as soon as they see
| how other kids do it. Everyone finds their own path, situations
| differ, kids differ. Just something to consider. Oh and have
| fun with the kids sicknesses once they are in daycare, it takes
| an entire year for their immune systems to adapt :D Still worth
| it to go earlier rather than later. (My kids went to day care
| at 4 months which many will say is too early, each to their
| own, and my wife resigned her job to stay at home, still went
| to daycare)
| nonrandomstring wrote:
| What I learned from summarised nuggets of Winnicott and Bowlby
| [0,1] is that time spent as they grow is an investment in
| relationship building for the future. It doesn't have to be
| that much for fathers, but it needs to be consistent and
| regular. By the time you want to go skateboarding and bike
| riding with them, when you have more spare time and money and
| mum gives them more independence, there needs to be a solid
| foundational attachment bond. It may not seem like playing with
| a 1 or 2 year old is "useful or productive", but your mere
| presence is foundation building.
|
| (dad of 7/8 yo)
|
| [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Winnicott [1]
| https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bowlby
| mrmincent wrote:
| We were lucky to have some flexibility to spread the load. My
| wife and I both dropped down to 4 days a week, and my Mother-
| in-law looks after our son one day a week, so he has a Dad day,
| a Mum day, a Nana day, and 2 daycare days.
|
| To us it feels like the optimal setup, he gets some valuable
| one-on-one days with all the important people in his life, gets
| socialised at daycare, and no one gets too exhausted looking
| after him all the time. I absolutely love Dad days, I don't
| think I could ever give them up now.
| mfalcon wrote:
| It's pretty similar to our current situation, how old is your
| child?
| mrmincent wrote:
| 2 and a bit, we're hoping to maintain it until he's in full
| time school.
| ipnon wrote:
| Always optimize for the long term. They should all be able to
| go to college, get healthcare, food and clothes and housing,
| but once that's settled invest in your relationship with them.
| Set them up for long term success. It looks a little different
| for everyone but I'm sure with your context the solution will
| be clear.
| knallfrosch wrote:
| Please add a location. Here in Germany, - my wife had 6 weeks
| maternity leave (fully paid) before birth and 1 year parental
| leave (65% paid) - I have 2 months parental leave (65% paid)
|
| In Spain for example, it appears to be 4 months (fully paid)
| for each parent. You can't take 8 months as mother, only the
| father can claim his share.
|
| Not working in an office and still getting paid makes this
| decision rather easy.
| dzolob wrote:
| First of all, cograts!
|
| As father of a 4yo and a 2yo, the only thing I can confidently
| say is that if available/possible, they need their dad to be
| around as much as possible. With this in mind, try to find a
| solution that works for everybody in both the family front and
| the financial front, but that doesn't mean they get cut off of
| your presence.
|
| My 4yo wakes up very early in the morning just to be with me,
| and my 2yo stays late at night (for her hours) just to be with
| me.
|
| I'm very happy for you. Having kids is a wonderful experience
| :)
| jcims wrote:
| My daughter just had her first boy and she's struggling with
| this. She's a night shift nurse and will regularly go 2 days a
| week without seeing her little one (1 year old). Now when she's
| home he's on her hip all day long and they go walking and
| shopping and just hang out all day 4 or more days a week. So I'm
| guessing it all balances out, but this makes me a little less
| confident that everything is perfectly fine.
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