[HN Gopher] On writing (or not)
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On writing (or not)
Author : jseliger
Score : 32 points
Date : 2023-09-14 18:44 UTC (4 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (bessstillman.substack.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (bessstillman.substack.com)
| nuancebydefault wrote:
| The writing style of this article makes me think about the
| periods when a lot of impulses are happening erratically on in my
| mind, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align. My guess is
| that she wrote this with a similar state of mind, more so since
| her husband is severely ill. I wonder if other HN'ers recognize
| it in a similar way.
| kiawe_fire wrote:
| I certainly did. In fact, the opening paragraphs of this piece
| immediately brought me back to my own state of mind when my Mom
| was diagnosed with cancer.
|
| There was at least a year long period in which my thoughts
| darted and weaved wildly, with every mix of emotion, all at
| once.
|
| "I need to finish this bug fix. But first I should get some
| coffee. That coffee in the hospital was so warm and comforting,
| in that styrofoam cup. Just what I needed in the waiting
| room... which is when the doctor told me her prognosis.
|
| "Six months, he said. F*k. How can I do this? I need lots of
| coffee. But coffee is reminding me of bad things. How will I
| ever drink coffee again? Would be a shame to never drink
| coffee, though... it's a big industry after all. Wonder what it
| looks Like to pick coffee beans? Bet it would be nice to just
| be picking coffee beans without any other care. But I have my
| own job to do... that bug fix. I'll do that instead."
|
| Random thoughts of work, grief, jokes, and childlike
| daydreaming, all running together. All day. Every day.
|
| The author of this captured this feeling insanely well, whether
| that was intended or not.
|
| I can also relate in the sense that, that period of my life was
| perhaps one of the more intense periods of self improvement and
| introspection I've had.
|
| Something about having so many thoughts, and needing to channel
| them to something positive to overcome the blatant and glaring
| negative, led to growth as a software developer, in some cruel
| way.
|
| That aside, the rest of the piece is timely and relevant for me
| now.
|
| I feel like there's so much I can relate to regarding
| "resistance" and self doubt. Of casting aside bad criticisms
| from incapable critics as the author described from her MFA
| experience.
|
| My heart is with the author through all of this. I hope to
| follow more of her work.
| BigHatLogan wrote:
| Can you share how you got through this period and found
| alignment? I'm going through something similar to what you've
| described. Not the hospital situation--I'm sorry to hear
| about your mom--but more so the thoughts darting rapidly on
| their own. I can't seem to get ahold of them either, and I
| notice it getting worse. Lots of intrusive thoughts, lots of
| "open cycles" that cause me mental strain, lots of down
| cycles too. If you could share, I'm curious how you channeled
| it into something positive and grew* as a result.
| kiawe_fire wrote:
| In my case, it was almost out of existential need. I could
| see myself falling apart to the point of not being
| functional or even doing something to myself, and I knew
| that my parents were depending on me.
|
| So out of existential need, I intentionally starting taking
| on large, creative projects at work that I knew would hold
| my interest and consume my thoughts. In some cases, this
| meant undertaking projects of my own volition and "asking
| for forgiveness rather than permission" at work.
|
| In part because of a couple of articles I read on the
| scientifically shown improvement of outcomes of cancer
| patients with positive attitudes, and because I knew my mom
| already had several negative voices around her daily, I
| decided my role with her would be relentlessly positive.
|
| An attitude of "we don't know the future, all things are
| possible, and anything can be overcome with the right set
| of inputs -- we just need to find what those are". I
| quickly adopted this attitude for myself, and it allowed me
| to embrace failure more - because the attitude wasn't
| predicated on being the best, but rather of overcoming.
|
| Granted, this was all about 6 years ago. Since then, much
| has changed, and I do find myself facing similar issues
| again. Without the presence of something "existential"
| pushing me, I am finding it harder to overcome this time
| myself.
|
| As with most things, though, feedback cycles are a thing.
| Negativity feeds on itself, and success begets success, so
| the first step is finding whatever you can to help break
| the feedback loop. Catch any negative thoughts as quickly
| as you can, and redirect them from fatalistic into
| something malleable.
|
| Catch any random, distracting "I need to Google this" type
| thoughts as they happen, and write them down on a notebook
| as something you should Google later, but not right now.
|
| One important thing at the start is that, you don't have to
| necessarily believe every positive mantra or habit you say,
| you just have to do it. Over time, the believability will
| come on its own.
|
| If you can get momentum going towards the positive instead
| of the negative, break the feedback loop, and get onto the
| "success begets success" side of it, it gets much easier.
|
| Hope that helps and makes sense. Wish I had an actual, easy
| answer, but a lot of it is just trying things until you see
| what works, and being consistent above all else.
|
| Good luck, and if you come up with any of your own tips,
| please let me know, because as I said - for as much as I've
| been through this before successfully, I can see it
| happening again, and I'm realizing it's time to deal with
| it again myself.
| BigHatLogan wrote:
| Thanks for the response. Really appreciate it. This is
| really helpful.
|
| The existential need you mentioned is really powerful.
| Now that you mention it, the last time I felt really
| mentally aligned, well, and focused was when I was out of
| work. I also had a situation where people were depending
| on me, and it...it wasn't perfect but it really filtered
| out a lot of these other thoughts and impulses. Maybe
| there's something there about a goal that exists beyond
| ourselves. Good callout, I'd totally forgotten about
| that.
|
| I hear you on the consistency. I'm trying that myself
| too. Just committing to a few actions even if my brain is
| completely working against me. Again, mixed results, but
| I'm finding that something is better than nothing, and
| that, like you said, success begets success.
| BigHatLogan wrote:
| Wow, what a perfect description--"impulses happening
| erratically in my mind." I've been trying to...get to the root
| of this in my own life lately. I also find myself writing
| feverishly during these states. I call them "soft manic"
| states, soft because I know that mania is a real thing, and so
| I don't want to co-opt that term completely.
|
| I had one this past weekend actually. I ended up writing about
| 15-20,000 words, but most of it doesn't make any sense. I mean
| the sentences and paragraphs do, but there's no coherence to
| any of it. "Impulses on the mind", like you said. They're
| really affecting my day to day life. I'll have a period where I
| feel content and motivated--about my job, for example--and then
| I'll have a sharp drop off where, sometimes for days, I'll find
| myself in one of these down cycles.
|
| In fact I'm unsure if anything I've even said makes sense. How
| have you dealt with these mental impulse?
| nuancebydefault wrote:
| For me these impulses are mostly like uncontrolled pop ups of
| a kind of creativity. Somehow those appear addictive, my
| theory is, that is why they come in large bursts,
| unintentionally I persuade parts of my brain to produce new
| ideas. But too much is too much, causing overload and chaos.
|
| I think it helps to make lists of things and ideas. Then
|
| (1)prioritize. This will already generate more order and
| again some sense of control.
|
| (2) just scratch out a lot of them, you do not need to follow
| all those paths. 10 or so can remain.
|
| (3) only act upon the top prorities and just rely on the fact
| that you wrote down the gists of your other non scratched
| ideas, so you don't have to keep them all in mind.
|
| (4) Some things of the list, you will find them outdated or
| silly after a while, so those become easy to scratch and let
| them go out of your mind as well.
|
| (5)well done, you will find your ideas and way of working is
| a lot more organised!
| noman-land wrote:
| This may sound trite but have you tried mindfulness
| meditation? I'm far from an expert but my understanding is
| that instead of fighting or avoiding all the chaos in your
| mind, you sit quietly still and let the thoughts wash over
| you and just listen to them without judgement or opinions.
| Just observe what is happening.
|
| If you get locked into a particular thought or topic, first
| notice it, then let it go.
|
| It's extremely difficult to do but over time this practice of
| noticing builds a mental muscle and helps you focus your
| thoughts towards what you want when you want.
| BigHatLogan wrote:
| Thanks for the suggestion! I tried this a decade ago, for
| something unrelated, and I recall it not having much of an
| effect, but if I'm being honest I don't remember if I gave
| it enough time either.
|
| It's been circling around in my head for a few weeks now.
| This might be the kick in the ass I need to give it another
| go. The stuff you said about getting locked onto a topic is
| something I have a lot of trouble with. It's been a little
| jarring for me to "realize" that you're not really in
| control of your mind, just parts of it, and maybe fewer
| than we like to think. It can just have all these thoughts
| and patterns without your consent, so to speak. It's the
| locking on / latching on that uproots me.
| balb0a wrote:
| I recently came across internal family system model. I am
| testing it currently and it has huge promise. Very good book
| on topic from inventor Richard C. Schwartz: Internal Family
| Systems Therapy.
|
| Also this is a nice podcast with therapy demonstration at the
| end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f80xs3MN9mY
|
| Hope it helps with making sense.
| BigHatLogan wrote:
| Cheers! Thank you for the link. I will give this a watch
| this evening. I've enjoyed a lot of Rich's podcast guests
| in the past actually.
| Slava_Propanei wrote:
| [dead]
| 6stringmerc wrote:
| After bombing Calculus II twice I had to abandon Computer Science
| but found my real passion and talent in English - let's be
| honest, it's harder than any code to execute dynamically. It
| doesn't borrow grammar, it throws a rave and picks up the pieces
| afterwards. Anyway, over to a first-class English literature and
| creative writing (poetry, short fiction) taught by mostly Ivy
| League scholars active in the field.
|
| My point?
|
| "If you practice speaking with the attention to language and
| punctuation you would when writing, not only will you impress
| people and communicate well, but when you write it will be
| familiar."
|
| - paraphrased from a certain Romantic Period Poetry Professor
| with a Penchant for Bow Ties
|
| He had fantastic insights. Especially with respect to drama and
| comedy. If the voice in your head isn't helpful, maybe train it
| better? Worked for me and still does in a diverse manner of
| endeavors.
| [deleted]
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