[HN Gopher] The Tyranny of Nicespeak (2001)
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       The Tyranny of Nicespeak (2001)
        
       Author : robtherobber
       Score  : 72 points
       Date   : 2023-01-06 16:04 UTC (6 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (web.archive.org)
 (TXT) w3m dump (web.archive.org)
        
       | dpedu wrote:
       | I couldn't help but think of one of Carlin's acts while reading
       | this - Advertising.
       | 
       | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtK_YsVInw8
        
       | wallfacer120 wrote:
       | [dead]
        
       | awb wrote:
       | Just like shaking hands was a tradition to show that you hold no
       | weapons, speaking nicely is a social signal that you mean no
       | harm.
       | 
       | Both peace signals can be ruses, but if you approach with a
       | closed fist or a sharp tongue, it makes a peaceful interaction
       | more challenging.
        
         | lostmsu wrote:
         | Verbal battles are not like physical battles. The later lead to
         | harm and death, the former - to some form of truth.
        
           | dylan604 wrote:
           | That's a lot of dumbing things down there. If you think
           | verbal battles have never caused harm, then I would love to
           | live in your bubble. As much as I'm ashamed of it now, I was
           | verbally abusive in my younger days. You can speak to anyone
           | of the people on the receiving end on just how not non-
           | harmful it was. I still blame that behavior a lot on how I
           | was treated by a parent. Once I recognized that I was just
           | behaving the same way was when I finally consciously tried
           | changing. I was close to 30, so there was a long wake of
           | damage.
        
             | lostmsu wrote:
             | People tend to confuse cognitive dissonance with damage.
             | 
             | If you speak of speech consisting of only personal attacks
             | rather than a heated debate, you are right. But I think
             | this discussion is not about simple slanging matches.
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | nullish_signal wrote:
       | Great read, until the conclusion that Irony and Sarcasm are
       | better weapons against Nicespeak than George Orwell's plain
       | English is.
       | 
       | Getting people to speak in vitriolic Opposites is no better than
       | making them speak empty Compliments...
        
         | drewcoo wrote:
         | > Getting people to speak in vitriolic Opposites is no better
         | than making them speak empty Compliments...
         | 
         | Whereas policing their emotions to make sure they feel the
         | right thing when they make words . . . ew!
        
         | omginternets wrote:
         | I don't think sarcasm has to be vitriolic. In response to the
         | example of a store announcement that says "in order to better
         | serve you, we will be closed this afternoon", one might respond
         | with "I feel better-served already!" There's hardly any
         | vitriol, and the absurdity of the situation is promptly
         | exposed.
        
         | z3c0 wrote:
         | I agree. The correction to "fake sincerity" isn't "ironic
         | sincerity" - it's just regularly sincerity and old-fashioned
         | earnestness. The article really dates itself with that
         | assertion, because this was written right before the internet
         | saturated every exchange with holier-than-thou sarcasm and
         | multiple layers of irony. Now that we've lived through
         | phenomena like the Wendy's Twitter account and cutesy 404
         | pages, this just seems terribly off-base.
        
           | sanderjd wrote:
           | Earnestness is so underrated.
        
         | readthenotes1 wrote:
         | You put that better than anyone else could have!
         | 
         | ;)
        
         | watwut wrote:
         | I agree. Both irony and sarcasm are purely emotion based
         | "arguments" and often just socially acceptable lies. Ok, so now
         | you made some service worker feel bad for no reason. They are
         | kind of paid for that, but still.
         | 
         | And with that, I find the language author complains about
         | better. If it achieves nothing I just ignore that.
        
         | warmcompress wrote:
         | "We should try", "may be ... effective"; propositions are not
         | hard conclusions.
         | 
         | The biggest whiff for me in this essay is the idea that people
         | aren't acutely aware of the fakeness. It would be like her
         | acknowledging no irony in holding the Rupert Murdoch
         | Professorship in Language and Communication.
        
           | johnea wrote:
           | Irony indeed.
           | 
           | This pretty much provides the final proof of the corporate
           | takeover of academia.
           | 
           | If you're planning on being faculty in modern higher
           | education, you very well better have some rich person's name
           | in your title!
           | 
           | Your alternative? You can always be an underpaid, un-insured,
           | temporary adjunct!
           | 
           | This 20 year old article certainly calls out the complete
           | insincerity of the modern corporation's interface to it's
           | customers. Especially when those customers are the retail
           | masses.
           | 
           | The really scariest part to me, is that many modern consumers
           | seem to think this is all OK.
           | 
           | "As long as the bot keeps kissing my ass I feel so taken care
           | of" <-- This is the ultimate irony...
        
       | Ekaros wrote:
       | And some terminology is so fun when they are essentially messing
       | over you. Mandatory gratuity, hmm why not just call if service-
       | charge? Or just directly include it in price and not even mention
       | it?
        
         | floren wrote:
         | Or, in SF, you'll get an item near the bottom of your receipt
         | labeled "SF Mandate". What's the mandate? Employers have to pay
         | for employee health care. Why isn't it rolled in to the prices?
         | Partly passive aggressive sniping at city hall, partly to keep
         | the menu prices low. The "SF Mandate" portion _is_ taxable,
         | though, so it really is just them adding a hidden fee.
         | 
         | https://www.sfchronicle.com/restaurants/article/Explainer-Wh...
        
         | akomtu wrote:
         | It's guilt tax. If you price your coffee honestly, at 8 usd,
         | but your competitor at 5 usd with gotcha fees, guess where
         | customers will flock to.
        
       | jameshart wrote:
       | This is timely. One of the fascinating things about chatGPT is
       | its facility with _precisely_ this kind of language usage.
       | 
       | The trite 'nicespeak' phrases and word choices all contribute
       | precisely _zero_ additional information content or value; that
       | they can be convincingly simulated by the LLM just picking the
       | most appropriate next token suggests honestly that that's also
       | exactly how they're employed by humans - just as meaningless
       | padding around the core message.
       | 
       | I see a lot of people looking at GPT outputs and saying things
       | like 'this is great it can take my three bulletpoints and turn
       | them into a complete presentation script!' - to me that suggests
       | you should skip the presentation and just send a text with the
       | three bulletpoints.
       | 
       | GPT is great at adding this performative 'packaging'.
       | 
       | I really hope what that teaches us is _we don't need to waste
       | time with the packaging in the first place_.
        
       | TehShrike wrote:
       | To some extent, nicespeak is the shibboleth of the middle class.
       | 
       | A few don't have to speak it, and many never learn. They usually
       | stand out in professional settings
        
         | yamtaddle wrote:
         | Fussell calls out all kinds of indirect or euphemistic "polite"
         | speech as middle-class. "Passed away" versus "died", even.
         | 
         | "High" speech is much more direct. You don't butter people up
         | before asking for something, or apologize for being a bother,
         | for example. You just ask. You don't dance around what you
         | want, or what happened, you simply state it.
        
       | johnea wrote:
       | Very well timed post! The author really should produce an update
       | for the new millennium.
       | 
       | I was just ranting about this yesterday, after having to endure a
       | chat session w/ a "customer care associate".
       | 
       | The blatantly patronizing platitudes are really rudeness with
       | flowers, and highlight the corporations use of exploited offshore
       | call center workers as a human shield against the frustration of
       | their customers.
       | 
       | I'd also be curious to know about the tech of delivering "We're
       | so sorry for your inconvenience, thank you for your patience..."
       | messages automatically after certain periods of quiet in the chat
       | channel.
       | 
       | How many other patronizing platitudes are delivered
       | automatically? Or with single click buttons on the "care
       | representative's" console?
       | 
       | Does anyone actually like these interfaces?
       | 
       | Do people really want a bot to kiss their ass while they're
       | trying to report a broken product?
       | 
       | Someone seems to think so...
        
         | ryanianian wrote:
         | > "We're so sorry for your inconvenience, thank you for your
         | patience..."
         | 
         | My god this pattern has to stop. Systems are making it
         | impossible to just wait for a human while doing something else.
         | 
         | The worst seems to be telephone companies advertising their own
         | offerings on hold, but even my dog's vet has introduced this
         | "CHECK OUT OUR APP FOR APPOINTMENTS" thing in their hold music.
         | You have to constantly be on guard because everything that
         | sounds like a human might or might not actually be a human.
         | Please just give me light, instrumental music to know I'm not
         | disconnected and stfu.
         | 
         | I think this is further evidence of what happens when
         | corporate/pr/product people are rewarded for marginal
         | improvements in bottom-line metrics despite the long-term
         | expense of customer satisfaction. Eventually the margin curve
         | flips negative. Hopefully.
        
       | DebbieNicespeak wrote:
       | Hi all, I'm the person who wrote this. Thanks for this unexpected
       | trip down memory lane, which is also an insight into how things
       | have changed. Remember I wrote this more than 20 years ago when
       | scripted service of any kind was new in the UK, and we really
       | didn't interact with websites much or chatbots at all. Mission
       | statements and suchlike were also fairly new, especially in
       | public institutions.Evidently familiarity has made us more
       | accepting of some things but even less so of others, as you'd
       | expect. Anyway,it was fun reading the comments,so thanks and have
       | a nice day
        
         | mannykannot wrote:
         | Now I'm wondering if the study of insincerity has become a
         | recognized academic field. It would seem to be inherently
         | cross-disciplinary, with elements of psychology, sociology and
         | politics, in addition to the linguistic aspect.
        
       | islanderfun wrote:
       | I'm a little confused here and I'm sure I'm missing the point.
       | This article seems to argue (and some comments here) that being
       | rude should be normal? Why? Why wouldn't we be nice to customers
       | for their business?
       | 
       | On the other hand, hasn't bullshit/passive-aggressiveness/etc
       | been always called out?
        
         | silmari wrote:
         | I share the confusion, that the article seems to bash at nice,
         | everyday phrases without giving the same nice kind of
         | alternatives to lubricate communication, but rather it gives
         | irony and satire, which are of the other end. The point of the
         | article isn't about rudeness but making a meaningful
         | conversation, and that passivity and talking from rulebooks
         | doesn't really help from the author's point of view.
        
         | treve wrote:
         | I think the author is just not very self aware. The rules of
         | communication do change, but they probably weren't aware of the
         | unwritten social cues that they picked up earlier in life. Cues
         | that probably were equally annoying and frustrating to someone
         | a generation earlier.
         | 
         | I think lots of people would be a bit more at peace once they
         | start embracing the fact that language and culture are always
         | going to be moving and changing. Thing are going to feel
         | awkward and forced until they feel normal and you'll continue
         | to be expected to adjust to the norms. Some of those norms will
         | suggest that you've been doing certain things 'wrong' all your
         | life and it's gonna be hard to swallow, but everyone will
         | always go through this stuff and this is why you can probably
         | find some rants against political correctness for as long as
         | there have been columns in newspapers.
         | 
         | It's a complete waste of energy, I hope the author found some
         | peace in the 22 years since this article.
        
         | pdonis wrote:
         | _> This article seems to argue (and some comments here) that
         | being rude should be normal?_
         | 
         | No. The article is not talking about ordinary courtesies
         | between individuals (those are mentioned briefly, but only to
         | contrast with the article's main subject). It is talking about
         | a tactic used by organizations.
         | 
         |  _> Why wouldn 't we be nice to customers for their business?_
         | 
         | Being nice as you and your company solve the customer's problem
         | is great.
         | 
         | Being nice as you and your company epically fail to solve the
         | customer's problem, and continuing to talk as though everything
         | is just dandy even though it is nothing of the sort, is not
         | great--but unfortunately it is a common tactic that
         | organizations use and train their customer support
         | representatives to use. That is what the article is talking
         | about.
         | 
         |  _> hasn 't bullshit/passive-aggressiveness/etc been always
         | called out?_
         | 
         | Not when it is cloaked in a veneer of seeming niceness, no.
        
         | dkarl wrote:
         | > This article seems to argue (and some comments here) that
         | being rude should be normal? Why? Why wouldn't we be nice to
         | customers for their business?
         | 
         | The difference is intent. Being polite to someone to put them
         | at ease in a difficult situation, to give them a better
         | experience of their day, or to lubricate an awkward
         | interaction, is a good thing. Relentlessly and deceptively
         | framing yourself and your actions in the highest possible light
         | is selfish and corrosive. There is overlap, such as greeting
         | somebody in a cheery way as they enter a business. But where
         | there is overlap, the selfish intention corrodes the positive
         | one. When somebody greets me as I enter a store, I can't help
         | seeing them as a worker who is forced to perform emotional
         | labor on behalf of a business that wants to extract maximum
         | economic value from me. It doesn't feel personal.
         | 
         | Likewise, when a customer service rep on the phone expresses
         | positivity and a desire to help, I'm aware that they may be
         | instructed and empowered to solve customer problems as well as
         | possible, but they also may be following a script to guide me
         | towards the cheapest outcome for the company, and their
         | apparent compassion and helpfulness might be calculated to
         | engender feelings of trust in me, so that I feel like I'm in
         | good hands and allow them to guide me towards an outcome that
         | is less than I'm entitled to. Their tone may even be being
         | graded and used to evaluate them.
         | 
         | > hasn't bullshit/passive-aggressiveness/etc been always called
         | out?
         | 
         | When something becomes normalized, it doesn't get called out.
         | In the context of economic competition, it even becomes excused
         | as mandatory.
        
         | omginternets wrote:
         | I'm not sure where you got that idea from. The thesis is that
         | there is a distinction to be made between ordinary civility and
         | "nicespeak". The distinction is that the latter is insincere,
         | and serves the interests of a corporate power structure.
        
       | jspash wrote:
       | Recently I've been encountering more and more service workers who
       | are AMAZED at my INCREDIBLE and AWESOME choice from the menu.
       | 
       | Until now I didn't think I had any sort of special ordering
       | skills. I mean, they hand me a menu and I have no choice but to
       | select 2-3 items from said menu. Just like everyone else. But
       | I've come to realise that MY particular choice of those items is
       | somehow better than the common man. I have a skill that was
       | previously untapped and has only now come to light.
       | 
       | SUPER!
        
       | NoboruWataya wrote:
       | I agree about things like mission statements being rather silly
       | and tedious, particularly in a corporate context where, as the
       | author notes, the only real mission is to make money for
       | shareholders. In fact I think a mission statement is marginally
       | less pointless in the context of a public institution because,
       | frankly, it's _not_ always clear what the end goal of a lot of
       | those institutions are.
       | 
       | I don't really see the problem with this, however:
       | 
       | > What, for instance, was the mysterious "quality" that we
       | discussed at every meeting? What did people mean when they spoke
       | earnestly about "aims and objectives" and "learning outcomes"?
       | 
       | If people are discussing "quality" I presume they are referring
       | to quality of output, ie, you want whatever good or service you
       | are delivering to be good, not bad. And knowing the aims,
       | objectives and outcomes of meetings, projects, etc, is absolutely
       | a positive thing.
       | 
       | There is no "fake sincerity" as far as I can see. There is
       | politeness - sure, maybe it is fake politeness (discounting the
       | possibility that your server actually wants you to enjoy your
       | meal). But it's still better than rudeness which is quite often
       | the alternative.
       | 
       | Frankly it sounds as though the author is simply annoyed at (i)
       | the private sector, for being the private sector, and (ii) the
       | public sector, for looking to introduce the same focus on
       | customer service and accountability that has long been present in
       | the private sector.
        
         | wallfacer120 wrote:
         | [dead]
        
       | at_a_remove wrote:
       | My un-favorite non-pology language is "I'm sorry you feel that
       | way."
        
       | mariodiana wrote:
       | The purpose of Newspeak was to bypass the rational faculty and
       | trigger an emotional reaction in the listener (as well as
       | confining the speaker to the appropriate emotional state). The
       | purpose of Nicespeak is the same.
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | dstroot wrote:
       | > in a world where a notice can announce in all seriousness: "In
       | order to better serve you, we are closed this afternoon."
       | 
       | This is so spot-on. I am not sure this qualifies as "nicespeak"
       | but if you pay attention you will hear this type of messaging
       | everywhere. As we hear it we seem to just nod along and miss the
       | fundamental irony of it.
        
         | floren wrote:
         | "Please listen closely, as our menu options have changed. Did
         | you know you can check your account balance, order checks,
         | apply for a loan, or get a new debit card online? Visit w w w
         | dot your bank name dot com forward slash banking for more
         | information." ---> Please hang up before we actually have to
         | make somebody pick up the phone
         | 
         | "Due to the ongoing pandemic, for the safety of guests and
         | staff we will not make up your room unless requested" --->
         | Thank god, we can cut our cleaning staff
         | 
         | "Due to the ongoing drought conditions, water will only be
         | served for customers who request it" ---> We wash half as many
         | glasses this way
         | 
         | COVID in general was a great excuse for a lot of companies to
         | do something they've wanted to do for years (reduce business
         | hours, cancel contracts, cut staff, reduce stock on hand, etc.)
         | while acting like they're doing the world a favor.
        
           | tomwheeler wrote:
           | Ticketmaster: "We've switched to app-based digital tickets
           | for a safe, contactless experience" -------> The pandemic
           | provides the cover we need to corner the resale market and
           | collect the personal data of every customer.
        
             | floren wrote:
             | How about the bald absurdity of tacking on a "convenience
             | fee" for purchasing things online instead of in person? The
             | theater near me will add a couple bucks if you buy tickets
             | online, but that fee is not present if you buy in person at
             | the theater! There's never more than one person behind the
             | counter, so I have no doubt they're saving money by leaving
             | registers unstaffed, yet they still have the gall to charge
             | us extra for using the online reservation system--they want
             | to have their cake and eat it too! Of course, complaining
             | about the ethics and pricing practices of theaters and the
             | entertainment industry in general is like shooting fish in
             | a (very expensive) barrel.
        
           | LAC-Tech wrote:
           | I always thought there must be big money to be made as a call
           | volume forecaster, given how many major companies are stumped
           | when its "unexpectedly high".
        
           | booleandilemma wrote:
           | I love these. Another one I've seen recently is large
           | Manhattan office buildings asking people to use revolving
           | doors "to help save the environment".
           | 
           | (i.e. help us save on electricity costs for heating and A/C)
        
           | function_seven wrote:
           | I saw this on the doors of my local shopping mall:
           | MALL HOURS         ==========         For your convenience,
           | The Galleria's operating         hours are available online
           | 
           | Followed by a huge QR code. Um, no. It's really _in_
           | convenient to have to grab a phone, scan a code, wait for the
           | slow site to load, give apologies to others who want to walk
           | in the door, etc.
           | 
           | Oh, and let's say I get there before they open. Before I
           | could just drive by and see the hours on the door. Now I have
           | to stop, get out, scan the code, ...
           | 
           | It's a small gripe for sure, but those are my favorite types.
        
             | floren wrote:
             | Oh of course that reminds me of the explosion of QR code
             | menus we saw during the pandemic! A laminated code, the
             | lamination bubbling up, covered in peeling tape, damn near
             | impossible to scan depending on the lighting conditions.
             | Much better than a sheet of paper!
        
               | jsight wrote:
               | And this directs you to a PDF that was designed for
               | print. :(
        
               | ectopod wrote:
               | Or a menu developed with react that takes a full minute
               | to load.
        
             | mannykannot wrote:
             | Maybe the 'y' was a typo.
        
             | yamtaddle wrote:
             | I like how self-checkouts or ordering kiosks are framed as
             | automation, but are actually just making your customers do
             | work your paid workers used to do. There's no automation
             | involved, just a shift in who does the work.
        
             | kwhitefoot wrote:
             | Quite a few shopping centres where I live (Norway) have the
             | opening hours in half metre, or more, high type high up on
             | the wall outside.
             | 
             | The sort of thing you describe has a lot to do with the
             | culture of the place. In Norway being cooperative and
             | helpful is highly prized, in the US individuality and
             | getting ahead are. I don't mean that both countries don't
             | appreciate both things, just that the emphasis differs.
             | 
             | At least that's my biased opinion, :-)
        
             | omginternets wrote:
             | I have toyed with the idea of carrying a sharpie with me,
             | and adding ironic graffiti to such messages. This article
             | might just push me over the edge.
        
         | NoboruWataya wrote:
         | A few years ago I got a letter from my bank which said
         | something along the lines of "At [bank], we understand that
         | your banking needs evolve over time. That's why from [date], we
         | will be moving you from a graduate account to a regular
         | account".
         | 
         | The graduate account and the regular count are exactly the same
         | except that the regular account has extra fees. Apparently over
         | the years I had evolved a need to pay fees. Good thing my bank
         | were looking out for me.
        
           | ThinkingGuy wrote:
           | When you receive a letter from a bank that starts out with
           | "Here at [Big Bank] we value your privacy," you can assume
           | that the rest of the letter is a just a detailed account of
           | all the ways that they plan to violate it.
        
             | akomtu wrote:
             | The bank is not lying. It values your privacy at $X/year
             | and even itemizes it to categories.
        
             | dylan604 wrote:
             | When you receive a letter from anyone that starts out with
             | 
             | FTFY
        
       | silmari wrote:
       | It seems like the problem is not on Nicespeak itself but more on
       | the power structure that enforce such style of communication.
       | Nicespeak itself feels like an essential lubricating part of the
       | language but what makes it Nicespeak and not "nice words" is the
       | authority.
        
         | MichaelZuo wrote:
         | Niceness itself is a lubricant. Nicespeak may be more analogous
         | to a higher performing synthetic lubricant that however has
         | some severe downsides, such as inferior performance, when used
         | outside of its design parameters.
        
         | SuoDuanDao wrote:
         | It's a very diffuse and unaccountable authority though. I've
         | seen the take that nicespeak is a stand-in for social class -
         | upper classes have the tutors and entertainment preferences to
         | learn nicespeak. Failure to conform to the requirements of
         | nicespeak is like signaling membership in the
         | working/uneducated class, which leads to social exclusion
         | particularly in managerial positions. But it's not from a
         | central authority, more a consensus partially based on fear of
         | association.
         | 
         | Seems like a decent analysis to me - does anyone have a
         | critique?
        
           | jollyllama wrote:
           | I'm with you on the first part. If I'm subordinate or
           | dependent in a relationship, just openly treat me that way;
           | there's no shame in that. The patronizing nicespeak is more
           | objectionable.
        
         | omginternets wrote:
         | I think the very definition of nicespeak is that it serves a
         | corporate power structure. That's what distinguishes it from
         | ordinary civility.
        
       | johnea wrote:
       | Do we need customer end bot tools to maintain any hope of
       | interacting with corporations on equal footing?
        
       | watwut wrote:
       | Learning accent, idioms and cultural references were always parts
       | of learning a language or judging how you learned that. Even
       | years ago and in normal language class lessons.
       | 
       | Watching entertainment or reading books were always part of that.
       | And my friends going for American universities 20 years ago were
       | memorizing cultural references idioms etc along with unusual
       | words and what not. Cause it was a on the test.
        
       | ARandomerDude wrote:
       | > as a friend of mine observed when asked to speak at a
       | conference on "pursuing excellence in facilities management":
       | "Who the hell would pursue second-rateness?"
       | 
       | Most people, actually - though few are so bold as to announce it.
       | That said, I agree with the point: although individuals may not
       | pursue greatness, public institutions always should.
        
         | seti0Cha wrote:
         | The alternative to pursuing excellence is not usually pursuing
         | second-rateness, but simply not pursuing excellence. It's a
         | lack of effort, rather than misdirected effort.
        
         | mananaysiempre wrote:
         | "So how do you hire more B players?"[1]
         | 
         | [1]
         | https://www.folklore.org/StoryView.py?project=Macintosh&stor...
        
           | fsckboy wrote:
           | > _" A players hire A players,"_ he said. _" B players hire C
           | players. Do you get it?"_
           | 
           | > Apparently not. Somebody in the back of the room raised his
           | hand and asked, _" so how do you hire more B players?"_
           | 
           | I think that guy did get it, but he worded it wrong, he meant
           | to say, "so, who hired those B players?"
        
             | yamtaddle wrote:
             | Right. He's spotted that the "rule" may have a _little_
             | truth to it, but is also kinda just bullshit.
        
         | jasmer wrote:
         | Public institutions need to pursue competence. If they could
         | effectively do the things they are supposed to, we'd be mostly
         | pretty good.
        
         | rqtwteye wrote:
         | My rule is that whenever something has "excellence" in the
         | title it's 100% BS. Works like a charm.
        
           | LAC-Tech wrote:
           | Reminds me of that old Simpsons episode, where Homer is given
           | a fake award for "Outstanding Achievements in the field of
           | Excellence"
        
         | Spivak wrote:
         | Excellence is overrated for anything you don't really really
         | care about. The price to get to the next level of noticeable
         | quality goes up really fast after a bit above average.
        
       | seti0Cha wrote:
       | It seems to me that nicespeak is nothing more than our culture's
       | embodiment of courtesy, or etiquette. Our society self-
       | consciously strives to be egalitarian, so formality and
       | honorifics sit poorly with us. However, unscripted social
       | interactions are fraught with danger. They can easily become
       | awkward or lead to misunderstandings. Etiquette provides a
       | framework a person can operate within wherein you don't have to
       | worry about what the other person will think or feel. This is
       | particularly valuable in a business context, so our institutions
       | strive to fabricate this framework.
       | 
       | There's nothing wrong with this, as long as everyone recognizes
       | it for what it is. We harmlessly exchange stock phrases, like
       | "how are you", to which the proper responses include "fine, and
       | you?", or "not too bad, yourself?" or the like. The person who
       | says "oh, terrible" and proceeds to tell you about it has
       | violated the social contract and imposed a burden on the other
       | party. The person behind the counter at the fast food restaurant
       | doesn't want to have to think to say "I hope you enjoy that
       | milk", or find some other way to close the conversation, so
       | they're just as happy to say that stock phrase "enjoy your meal"
       | and be done with you.
        
         | 082349872349872 wrote:
         | > _We harmlessly exchange stock phrases, like "how are you", to
         | which the proper responses include "fine, and you?",..._
         | 
         | Q. How do you confuse an anglophone?
         | 
         | A. Answer, when they ask how you are.
        
         | A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote:
         | << But it seemed strange that instructions had been issued at
         | all, and stranger still that they were generally obeyed.
         | 
         | It is, but when it is mandated it ceases to be courtesy ( it
         | may still remain etiquette as that is mandated and enforced by
         | society depending on definition used ); it becomes a forced
         | behavior.
         | 
         | That said, I still prefer the example you gave. I used to
         | cringe internally over forced small talk in US ( "how are you",
         | "fine/great/would complain, but -- no one listens" response ),
         | but I kinda argue it is better than the weird 'everyone is out
         | to get me; don't talk to me' approach from the old country.
         | 
         | As always, but.. just because I prefer it now, does it mean I
         | can reasonably "expect" it?
        
           | seti0Cha wrote:
           | > when it is mandated it ceases to be courtesy
           | 
           | I don't think there's anything contradictory about mandated
           | courtesy, unless you mean it in the sense of "consideration".
           | I think the primary meaning is closer to etiquette than
           | consideration though. The etymology of the term is derived
           | from courtliness, i.e. behavior in a King's court.
        
         | sanderjd wrote:
         | Interesting perspective! I'm not sure I agree with it, but I'm
         | glad I read it.
        
         | omginternets wrote:
         | I think the point is that we can distinguish ordinary civility
         | from nicespeak. The latter is insincere, existing primarily as
         | a means to reinforce a (usually corporate) power structure.
        
           | seti0Cha wrote:
           | I disagree. First, insincere polite speech greatly predates
           | the existence of corporations, and second, it exists between
           | parties who are on equal terms as often as between superior
           | and subordinate. Consider the niceties of diplomats, for
           | example. As I pointed out in my previous post, it actually
           | serves a purpose for both parties.
        
             | omginternets wrote:
             | I don't disagree with you, but none of this contradicts the
             | thesis. I am happy to accept that "nicespeak" predates the
             | early 00's and that diplomats routinely engage in it.
             | 
             | I am also happy to accept that it has evolved into a new
             | form, via corporate influence.
        
         | ohwellhere wrote:
         | I think the author's chosen name for the phenomenon "Nicespeak"
         | creates a cognitive distortion that muddies what I think her
         | point is. She is not talking about being nice rather than being
         | rude. Rather she is talking about being authentic and human
         | rather than becoming an automaton channeling the will of the
         | powers that are compelling your speech.
         | 
         | Her example of the fast food worker is they're channeling the
         | brand of the franchise "whether or not they made sense in a
         | given context". "The idea was to subordinate the personality of
         | the individual speaker to a centrally designed corporate
         | voice."
         | 
         | Her example of the workers in the public-private partnership of
         | academia describes having to conform to the rules of the
         | corporate information-hiding language game in order to compete
         | with others for funding. "If they do not claim to be
         | 'excellent', they will inevitably come out losers."
         | 
         | In these cases the casualties are authenticity, connection, a
         | frank assessment of and confrontation with reality, and
         | humanity. In lieu of them, we've created a network of symbols
         | and signs overtop of existence that pretends to be true
         | reality, but really distorts it to the benefit of the holders
         | of power. This network of symbols comprises brands, mission
         | statements, corporate personalities, metrics that yield to
         | Goodhart's law, empty buzzwords and hype, etc, etc, etc.
         | 
         | I think that's what she's criticizing.
        
           | seti0Cha wrote:
           | > In these cases the casualties are authenticity, connection,
           | a frank assessment of and confrontation with reality, and
           | humanity. In lieu of them, we've created a network of symbols
           | and signs overtop of existence that pretends to be true
           | reality, but really distorts it to the benefit of the holders
           | of power
           | 
           | My point is, we have always done this, but with different
           | vocabulary and different institutions. When has human
           | relations at any scale been properly characterized as frank
           | or authentic? I suppose you could say that the Mongols
           | butchering their way across Europe and Asia were being frank
           | and authentic in their relations with others, but I doubt
           | they were so in their internal relations.
        
           | snapcaster wrote:
           | I think the reason that we do what you and the post you're
           | replying to describe is because it massively lowers
           | "transaction costs" of social interactions. It's a
           | simplifying abstraction, and obviously all abstractions will
           | hide information or result in things being lost
        
         | ARandomerDude wrote:
         | I don't think that's the main point of the article (though it
         | is addressed).
         | 
         | The problem with Nicespeak is it becomes a _mandatory_ form of
         | expression. See, for example, mission statements at
         | universities (TFA). Without these obligatory technocrat
         | documents, universities will be stripped of funding and
         | accreditation.
         | 
         | To provide a slightly more contemporary take, see the
         | censorship/moderation debate in public discourse today. I think
         | a direct line can be drawn between societal Nicespeak and our
         | almost compulsive need to scrub social media et al. of anything
         | sufficiently nonconformist.
        
           | seti0Cha wrote:
           | > see the censorship/moderation debate in public discourse
           | today. I think a direct line can be drawn between societal
           | Nicespeak and our almost compulsive need to scrub social
           | media et al. of anything sufficiently nonconformist.
           | 
           | I'm sympathetic to this line of reasoning, but I think these
           | are somewhat different phenomena. I am arguing that nicespeak
           | is not actually something new, but rather the contemporary
           | form of something that people have always engaged in. I would
           | say a more direct line exists between current discourse
           | policing and prior periods' "corruption of public morals"
           | concerns, such as they Hollywood code imposed to restrict
           | what sorts of behavior could be depicted on screen, the
           | prohibition on swearing or nudity on television, or the
           | banning of "immoral" books in libraries.
        
           | pdonis wrote:
           | I don't think the author's problem with things like mission
           | statements is primarily that they are mandatory. I think her
           | primary problem with them is that they misrepresent what the
           | organization actually does and how well (or poorly) it
           | actually does it. It is true, though, that a key reason _why_
           | they have to misrepresent is, so to speak, grade inflation:
           | any organization that doesn 't portray itself (however
           | unjustifiably) as perfect at its nominal mission in all
           | public statements loses funding to those that do.
        
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