[HN Gopher] Sex offender can't get a job. Completely out of idea...
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Sex offender can't get a job. Completely out of ideas. Help?
I am court ordered to pay for my children's livelihood, and I can't
live with them, so I need to pay for my own livelihood. I also owe
about $10k in taxes from two years ago, and $10k on my car that
just got repo'd, I haven't paid December's rent and don't have any
money for January's, I have $150 to my name. I got fired from my
last client on the last day of November. I've worked with him since
around 2019. I applied for regular jobs in 2017 and 2018, and was
offered many jobs including one by Goldman Sacchs for quarter
million a year, but their offer and every other one was retracted
because of my criminal background. In particular, 7 years ago and
12 years ago, I flashed teenagers. That's the crime. I was told
it'd be easier to find a job if I had murdered someone, because
nobody understands the mental illness that causes flashing, which I
don't have anymore and haven't for years. But my name is part of
google search now, the entire first page, so I can't escape it. I
don't know where to find clients who would be willing to work with
me. And I'm on a time crunch. I am legally required to pay
$3k/month for my wife and children's livelihood, and have no money
to pay a lawyer to get that overturned, and when I presented my
case to the judge he already said no, I will have to pay this or be
found guilty of contempt. I also owe about $1k/month in back taxes
and other debts. Not to mention needing to afford a lawyer
(guessing $1k/month), and rent ($1k) and food ($200) for myself per
month. That puts me at $5200/month. So I figure I need to make
about $40/hour, which sounds like a lot but remember Goldman
offered me $125/hour which testifies to my skill even if they
retracted it for other reasons. And I got many similar offers for
anywhere from $50-$100/hour from other companies out here. I'm
absolutely out of ideas. I have very very little time left to get a
job before I'll probably be homeless. This is creating decision
paralysis. I also have very little idea how to navigate job
applications lately. I get no hits on upwork, and I can't work in
government/financial/medical jobs because of my criminal record.
And I can't find any subreddits where I can offer my services as a
software consultant. I have basically no advertising or marketing
skills at all. I've made some software that I think is legitimately
innovative and asked for GH sponsors for it, and posted regularly
on HN to tell people about it, and it gets no attention at all, not
a single upvote ever. And I imagine reddit would be even harder to
get noticed on. I'm okay with dying, I actually kind of prefer it,
so if this doesn't work out, then that's it, and I'm done, and I've
done my best. But my children need me to provide for them, and I
will do everything I can to provide for them. That's my only
purpose in life, and if I fail at that, then I'll be glad to go to
sleep. --- 3 clarifications: I would rather die than not provide
for my children. My one and only purpose in life is to be their
father. So I will provide for them or die trying. I have the
skills for $150/hour, so I'm sure someone out there is willing to
get it at the bargain price of $50/hour. I just need to find them
somehow. And I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of
life, and would be relieved to finally be done living in a lose-
lose situation, whether by success or failure.
Author : novocantico
Score : 25 points
Date : 2023-01-05 21:41 UTC (1 hours ago)
| sebastiansm wrote:
| Can't change name?
| notjonheyman wrote:
| Have you thought about mentoring/tutoring for people learning how
| to code?
|
| Car detailing is something with a relatively low barrier for
| entry and you can make $40+ an hour. I've seen people get started
| this way with just a bucket of water, some car wash soap, a
| couple rags.
|
| What region are you located in? if you dont mind me asking
| UniverseHacker wrote:
| This is a really difficult situation, I can't imagine how
| stressful this must be. However, from your comments on suicide, I
| feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about the
| situation, as depression tends to do. Realize that these stories
| in your head about how hopeless everything is are total bullshit-
| there is a way out of this, and your life will get good again.
|
| If you have no money, all of those obligations disappear legally
| (assuming you are in the USA)- they cannot make someone without
| money pay. Your responsibility is to deal with your own mental
| health first so you can get the strength back to deal with your
| responsibilities later.
|
| Here is a general approach I would recommend:
|
| 1) Make a list of all of your financial obligations, and research
| each for at least one hour online, to figure out how to get out
| of it based on zero income. You should consider filing for
| bankruptcy.
|
| 2) File all of those things properly yourself, e.g. using NOLO
| books from the library.
|
| 3) Drop your house, car, etc. and find a low stress way to
| survive that requires a lot of hard physical labor outdoors,
| suitable for your own skills and abilities. For example, if this
| were me I would get a free derelict sailboat and live with
| subsistence diving and fishing and sea foraging. Other people
| might do farm labor for cash, etc. Look for anything that is
| incredibly physically hard, pays poorly but supports survival,
| and gives you introspective solitude.
|
| 4) Work on your inner self with daily practice. Any method is
| suitable: qi gong, wim hof, stoicism, buddhism, etc.
|
| 5) Once you have rebuilt yourself internally, and become
| conformable living on nothing, work on a plan to re-enter the
| world, and execute it. Be open to many options. Consider for
| example companies that emphasize hiring ex-criminals, founding
| your own company, or switching fields entirely. Possibly also
| look for some ways to (legally) obscure your negative reputation
| online: go by a nickname, etc. or simply embrace it and be
| upfront about it. Let employers know the real story, and that
| they are getting a skilled person at a bargain because of your
| background. I mean, reading this story, my first thoughts were
| around if I would be able to make you a job offer.
| novocantico wrote:
| I would rather die than not provide for my children. My one and
| only purpose in life is to be their father. So I will provide
| for them or die trying.
|
| What I need is help on figuring out how to find a job that
| makes me $50/hour and doesn't kill me.
|
| And for everyone here, I am not suicidal. I am just really,
| really tired of life.
| UniverseHacker wrote:
| I understood that when I wrote what I did. You need to
| prioritize yourself, so that you can be the father your kids
| need. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you won't be
| putting one on anyone. Your kids need a father that isn't
| "tired of life" more than they need money, unless they are
| literally starving right now.
| pcthrowaway wrote:
| > I feel you are depressed, and forming a false narrative about
| the situation, as depression tends to do.
|
| This is a bit too much. OP literally has the entire world
| stacked against them. They're in a seemingly insurmountable
| situation. Even if they manage to stay out of prison for non-
| payment of child support, they're just treading water. There is
| almost no way they can live a comfortable life for themselves.
| Even if they manage to find a $100/hr job one day, most of that
| will go to child support. They won't be able to save much.
| Their _food budget_ is $200, so malnutrition seems like a
| looming possibility also.
|
| Some armchair psychologist trying to diagnose them with
| clinical depression because they are rightfully feeling
| depressed about the situation is not what they need right now.
| UniverseHacker wrote:
| You are right that literally anyone in this situation would
| reasonably suffer from situational depression, but I don't
| understand why you think it would be helpful to not be
| conscious of this?
|
| Depression causes you to feel hopeless, and form false
| narratives that prevent you from seeing possible solutions or
| options. Being conscious of this has been very helpful for
| me, as a person with lifelong chronic depression.
| pcthrowaway wrote:
| You're right.
|
| I didn't realize that this was a thing
| (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood))
|
| I thought it specifically referred to this
| (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder)
| e.g. clinical depression. I realize you didn't say
| clinically depressed, I've just been conditioned to assume
| it's the latter when talking about depression.
| unethical_ban wrote:
| I am friends with someone who is a convicted sex offender. He's
| also a genuinely incredible person otherwise, but made a bad
| decision and was convicted and put on probation for it. He is
| lucky because he still has a job and doesn't have kids to deal
| with, but even then, the stresses of this particular class of
| offense are huge. There is no forgiveness, there is no nuance,
| there is no "ah well glad you are better and contrite for what
| you have done".
|
| I think someone would be better off (job and social forgiveness
| and dating-wise) to kill someone drunk driving than to download
| a single picture of CSAM. I am not saying CSAM is good, or that
| it should be legal, or that those who do so do not deserve
| punishment.
|
| To reiterate, I honest-to-God believe someone has better
| chances at getting a job, finding new friends and love, and
| being accepted into society if they were to negligently kill
| someone after choosing to drink and drive than it is for
| someone to recover from the stain of downloading even _one
| instance_ of CSAM, no matter how contrite, rehabilitated and
| complaint with therapy that person is.
|
| ---
|
| To that end, I hope the OP can queue his problems, like another
| poster said. Find a job _anywhere_ that will accept him. There
| are potentially non-profits that will work with him (?) esp. if
| his claims of near-homelessness are true.
|
| I hope this person is as contrite and reformed as they sound,
| and I hope they get through this part of their life. IIRC
| depending on the level of crime, it may go off BG checks after
| some period of time.
| BadCookie wrote:
| It seems to me that you are trying to solve too many problems at
| once and becoming understandably overwhelmed as a result.
|
| It's silly, but when I start feeling this way, I think of the
| song "The Next Right Thing" from Frozen II. Yes, the Disney movie
| ... I admitted it was silly! But there is wisdom in identifying
| the _first_ problem that you need to solve and solving it before
| moving on to a second (or third, or fourth) problem.
|
| So, in your case, the first problem to solve might be to get
| enough income coming in to provide housing for yourself. Forget
| about everything else and just solve that one problem.
|
| Things are not as bad as they seem. You sound like a smart and
| caring person who will figure this out. Take a breath and get
| focused on _one_ thing.
|
| Regardless of what happens, you can be an asset to your kids
| regardless of whether you ever give them another dime. I miss my
| dad every day, and it has been decades since he provided any
| financial support to me.
|
| Best of luck to you.
| codegeek wrote:
| I can't help directly but I remember there was someone on HN who
| tried starting a startup to help convicts get jobs. I remember
| that the business ultimately failed but he is on HN and may be he
| has some suggestions ? Just a thought. I wish you the best. I
| can't remember his name or profile exactly though.
| scombridae wrote:
| We didn't need that level of detail, and we can't help you.
|
| Tend bar, drive uber, or deliver Amazon. Accept that your crimes
| have you set you back for life, and a white-collar job might be
| out of reach for many years.
| novocantico wrote:
| My ex can't afford to have the kids on her own. She doesn't
| make enough for all the bills. They need me to provide for
| them. But I won't be able to provide for them and my own rent
| on a McDonald's income. And I won't be able to keep a
| McDonald's job if I'm homeless. So the only choice I have is to
| do everything I can to find a job that pays what I need. Even
| if it's utterly humiliating.
| [deleted]
| user_7832 wrote:
| Sorry to hear about your situation.
|
| 1. Are there any non profits for the homeless/former convicts
| near you? Even if you're not homeless they may still be able to
| put you in touch with the right organisations. Objective- getting
| you a job, a place to stay perhaps, most importantly pausing your
| payments. 1.1 Google for NGO/pro bono lawyers in <your area>.
| This will help pause your payment situation. Objective- pausing
| the payments 1.2 Failing that, you could try to represent
| yourself in court. Not sure if it's a smart strategy but it's a
| strategy.
|
| 2. Are there food banks, or religious institutions nearby that
| provide food? You might also benefit from asking around homeless
| people if they know any decent resources in your area.
|
| 3. Hit up the job search thoroughly. I would expect LinkedIn to
| be good. I would also recommend finding remote companies from eg
| Canada/UK (if you're US based), I suspect they wouldn't do a
| background check. But be honest if asked (if it doesn't cost you
| your health/life).
|
| Also if you need to take a loan if I'm not mistaken bank loans
| are far lower interest % than credit cards. Be careful with
| credit. Best of luck!
| runjake wrote:
| [flagged]
| dang wrote:
| There's no single set of principles to apply here (i.e. it's a
| tradeoff) but I don't think it's a good idea to allow this on
| HN - there's too much downside.
|
| Past explanations on similar points:
| https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&so...
| runjake wrote:
| Sounds good. I apologize. Thanks for the explanation.
| kidgorgeous wrote:
| Upwork and/or Fiverr?
| novocantico wrote:
| Tried upwork, applied for a lot of jobs last month on it, I
| never get any bites. Also I need to make at least $5200/month
| (net) which seems unlikely on upwork.
| [deleted]
| LatteLazy wrote:
| I'm sorry this has happened to you.
|
| Usually smaller companies are less likely to background check. I
| know that's not much help but it's all I know I'm afraid.
|
| Good luck.
| spfzero wrote:
| One idea might be to incorporate and consult under your company's
| name. You might even do a sole proprietorship. In that case,
| customers will not necessarily do a background check on you
| yourself (some still will), because you are not necessarily
| contracting on a particular individual doing the work.
|
| This might involve a few hundred dollars, but if you indeed have
| skills worth $125/hr, it would be worth working at a car wash
| etc. until you save that up.
| vidluther wrote:
| I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, the
| system is rigged against you, even if you feel like you have been
| rehabilitated, done your time in prison, and paid your dues.
|
| With that in mind, you may have to change careers, you're very
| fortunate that you're not still locked up, or civilly committed..
| which happens quite a bit in TX. I'm not sure where in the USA
| you're located.. but have you considered talking to your local
| workforce commission? you may need to become a day laborer, a
| welder, and take on some dirty jobs, but you're not alone.. there
| are plenty of SO s that are gainfully employed.. they may not
| have the obligations you have, but they're making do. One of the
| hardest things for you will be the transition from white collar
| to blue collar.. it can be done.
|
| And quit that crap about dying.. if you really mean it when you
| say you want to provide for your children, do it.. where there is
| a will, there is a way.. and all those other cliches.
|
| It's not over for you just yet.
| njnewsman wrote:
| You have not specified any technical skills that you may have
| other than "Goldman says I am worth it".
|
| What do you do? What do you know? What floats your boat?
| novocantico wrote:
| I've become expertly proficient in over a dozen software
| languages over the past 20 years. But recently my mind is so
| shot that I lost my client because it was all Java Atlassian
| stuff.
|
| Right now I only feel qualified to say I am excellent at React,
| JavaScript, TypeScript, jQuery, Node.js, and similar.
| jesuscript wrote:
| Is there anyone you can move in with for the time being? Fix the
| shelter situation first before worrying about financial
| obligations.
| novocantico wrote:
| No. All family has disowned me except one who lives right next
| to a school. No shelters take sex offenders. I'm currently
| living in a furnished attic of a war vet, it has a bed,
| bathroom, sink, and microwave. And he hasn't kicked me out yet.
| He keeps putting papers next to my door that say things like
| "did you try applying at Yelp?" and other well intentioned
| hopeless ideas. So he's clearly rooting for me, but he did say
| I have to pay at some point.
|
| Which is why my goal is to get a job, and not start a gofundme.
| jesuscript wrote:
| I mean your game plan should be centered around immediate
| income in a low wage job that gets you paying rent. Then
| slowly work the sides on freelance where they never
| background check on a per project basis.
|
| Also, just because they live near a school doesn't mean
| anyone needs to know you live there. Or do they? Are you
| tracked like that?
| erictd wrote:
| San Francisco apparently does not allow employers to consider
| convictions more than seven years old.
|
| https://sfgov.org/olse/sites/default/files/FileCenter/Docume...
| fancyPantsZero wrote:
| your alimony and child support amounts should be tied to your
| income levels right? if so, you could see if your obligation can
| be reduced since you don't have any income. I think a lawyer
| would be good to have for this process but maybe not strictly
| required in the short term if you just need immediate relief from
| your support obligation.
| prottog wrote:
| My understanding is that in most states, getting alimony and
| child support payments lowered due to changed circumstances of
| the father is very difficult even with legal assistance.
| novocantico wrote:
| My goal isn't to stop providing for my children's needs. That
| $3k/month is their rent, food, clothing, and bills.
| fancyPantsZero wrote:
| right but if some short-term relief helps you get back on
| your feet and out of the suicide groove, you are doing better
| for them long-term
| vidluther wrote:
| +1
|
| Learn the law in your state, figure out what forms you need
| to fill out yourself. I believe you file motions "pro se".
|
| If you say you're as good as you are, figuring this stuff
| out for you should be easy, I understand the funk you're
| in.. but as you can see.. there are complete strangers
| rooting for you, and your family. Sometimes you just need
| to see things from a different perspective.
| snopemip352 wrote:
| [dead]
| truetraveller wrote:
| -Apply to jobs abroad e.g. Dubai, Saudi? They love quality
| Western talent, and pay handsomely. If you move there, your
| income will not be taxed (up to $200k I believe, for Americans)
|
| -Get a remote job based in Europe? Some pay good.
|
| -Make tech videos? Adsense can bring in some $$$.
|
| -Make video courses on Udemy, or your own site. If you're
| determined you can do this FAST, and while looking for a job.
|
| -Write an ebook on a niche tech topic? Websockets? UX?
|
| Aside: As a Muslim, my religion tells me the one who repented is
| like the one who never sinned. I can see you realized your
| mistake, and I will not hold anything against you. Especially for
| "flashing", which is obviously bad, but way on the lower end. I
| quote from a law firm: "Indecent exposure is considered a sex
| crime in California. If you are convicted, you will be forced to
| register as a sex offender". Unfortunately, the world is super-
| promiscuous and super-hypocritical. We see people almost
| completely naked everyday. Revealing their private parts and
| near-private parts. This is considered "cool". People wear the
| tiniest bikinis, and even allow their toddlers to wear such
| skimpy clothing. Not to mention the near-naked billboards we see
| on daily basis. But when they want to book someone, they do.
|
| May God help you.
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