[HN Gopher] Life Is Short (2016)
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       Life Is Short (2016)
        
       Author : NotYourLawyer
       Score  : 422 points
       Date   : 2022-12-25 05:51 UTC (17 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (paulgraham.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (paulgraham.com)
        
       | jdkee wrote:
       | "One great thing about having small children is that they make
       | you spend time on things that matter: them. They grab your sleeve
       | as you're staring at your phone and say "will you play with me?"
       | And odds are that is in fact the bullshit-minimizing option."
       | 
       | This. He is right about this.
        
         | tropicalbeach wrote:
         | I mean most of the time there running around breaking things
         | and being loud wouldn't say that's great. It's better when
         | there older.
        
           | hackernewds wrote:
           | You will miss these interactions as they outgrow you. No one
           | looks back at their time when their kids were little, to miss
           | that didn't tap more in their screen
        
             | dinosaurdynasty wrote:
             | There are way more things to do than "raise kids" and "tap
             | on screen"
        
           | Ma8ee wrote:
           | That mostly happens when they feel they don't get enough
           | attention from you. Sometimes you really are busy with
           | something else, like trying to prepare food for them or
           | answering messages from your pestering boss. But often it is
           | because you are trying to be clever at HN instead of giving
           | them your undivided attention.
        
             | isoprophlex wrote:
             | Or when they're hungry. Or over-stimulated, under-
             | stimulated, tired, anxious over something that happened at
             | school, hyped for the holiday season.
             | 
             | Guilt-tripping someone who shares that they're not always
             | having a good time as a parent is not cool. Your comment is
             | over-generalizing, and IMO quite mean.
        
               | Nomentatus wrote:
               | Yet there is a very large societal problem here worth
               | pointing at. Parental time with children in this society
               | is bizarrely low by anthropological standards. You can
               | get a look at the stark difference by reading the book
               | "The Old Way," about a nomadic society.
        
               | theGnuMe wrote:
               | It's actually higher:
               | 
               | https://ourworldindata.org/parents-time-with-kids
               | 
               | I don't think nomadic parenting time is really a useful
               | comparison.
        
               | Viliam1234 wrote:
               | I suppose a typical nomadic society is not like "mother
               | and father with kids, the nearest relative a few miles
               | away".
               | 
               | Childcare is easier when you have a group of adults
               | taking care of a group of kids. And of course, parents
               | have the primary responsibility, but it is not a 24 hour
               | duty.
        
               | Nomentatus wrote:
               | That counts, but parents spend most of their time with
               | their kids. Moms gather and the kids come along and help
               | to an extent. If you can take your children to work and
               | interact with them while you're working, that's huge.
               | 
               | The upshot is that we have to do everything we can to
               | give our children more of our time; we aren't a
               | desperately poor society, we can do more. We have
               | wandered far from our "species essence" and now wonder
               | why so much is going wrong.
        
               | watwut wrote:
               | Traditional life involved kids being unsupervised at ages
               | we find it unacceptable now (4 years old) and kids being
               | in packed unsupervised for hours.
        
               | Nomentatus wrote:
               | Not true in nomadic societies (too many predators.) Four
               | or five year olds could tail along with older brothers
               | when I was young.
        
               | watwut wrote:
               | Nomadic societies are no where near standard of human
               | society. They are more of an exception. Also, they are
               | such due to lack of other choice. As in, they evolved
               | when the option of staying long term was not there. The
               | anthropological argument about our exceptionality should
               | not start with outlier society where the world around is
               | too dangerous and there is no way for adults to make it
               | safer.
        
               | Ma8ee wrote:
               | While I somewhat regret the tone in my comment, the whole
               | notion that pointing out that you sometimes at least are
               | partially responsible for your circumstances is called
               | "guilt tripping" is weird.
               | 
               | It's not that my kids never are unruly. But I can almost
               | always track it down to some failure from my side. I was
               | too busy with something, or simply distracted, so I
               | forgot to give them their snack in time, or they got to
               | bed too late the day before, or I didn't pay attention
               | when they tried to tell me something they felt was
               | important, etc.
               | 
               | And while I'm aware that my experiences aren't universal.
               | The opposite notion that I often hear that tantrums are
               | some kind of unavoidable natural disaster is even more
               | absurd. Yeah, if I bring my kids to the store at 5pm to
               | buy dinner without giving them any snack, while I'm
               | hangry yourself, stressed, and trying to think of
               | something not horribly unhealthy to eat, they might end
               | up screaming on the floor in front of the candy shelves.
               | But my thought then isn't "why am I cursed with such
               | horrible kids". My thought is "ok, I screwed up today,
               | because this was predictable and preventable, and by now
               | I certainly know better than putting ourselves in
               | situations like this."
        
             | taneq wrote:
             | I'm curious just how many hours of undivided attention per
             | day you think you have to give? Because most small children
             | will drain you entirely dry within a week, and you have
             | half a decade or more of that to deal with.
        
         | thenoblesunfish wrote:
         | Be careful about the rosy picture he's painting for himself and
         | others here. When he wrote this he was probably already rich
         | and into the pontification phase of his career. I'm going to go
         | ahead and bet had plenty of ways to escape his kids when
         | desired, plenty of help with childcare, etc. If you are really
         | just looking at your phone while you're at home, great, but if
         | you are (like many people here , I'd guess) interested in doing
         | creative or focus-intensive, non-kid things while at home,
         | those things are seriously going to suffer when you have kids.
        
         | ramraj07 wrote:
         | This may be true, but this is not the majority of your life -
         | unless you're on some mission to repopulate the earth, you'll
         | have maybe 8-10 years when you have children who aren't babies
         | who want to play with you. Apparently people become magically
         | wise during those years and then quickly forget these wisdom
         | after. If that's not true then you should be seeing a glut of
         | extremely wise people who've been "corrected" by their child
         | raising experience decades ago.
         | 
         | The reality is, kids trigger happiness centers in our lizard
         | brains. Enjoy the short time with them, but let's not fool
         | ourselves that children fundamentally change your life view in
         | any way. If anything the person you should be working to
         | prioritize is your partner, who if you do it right will be with
         | you fairly unchanged all your life. Given the divorce rates
         | though, most people don't seem to have gotten that memo
         | however.
        
           | r3trohack3r wrote:
           | > Apparently people become magically wise during those years
           | and then quickly forget these wisdom after.
           | 
           | Sample size of 1, but there is a noticeable difference in my
           | friend and family group between people with kids and without
           | kids. Particularly around "having it together." Children are
           | little logistical nightmares, more so the younger they are.
           | From scheduling around the kids schedules (I.e when they wake
           | up, have dinner, swimming lessons, when the bedtime routine
           | starts, etc) to being prepared to leave the house for mundane
           | things like grocery shopping (is the diaper bag packed, do we
           | have milk, will we be gone long enough to need to pump,
           | etc.). There is also much less agency as a parent, a good
           | portion of every day is on the rails dictated by your kids
           | schedule. You are also chronically sleep deprived for a
           | window of 6-24 months around each pregnancy and the mother
           | has a tonne of discomfort, weight, and a new balance of
           | hormones for a large window around the pregnancy. You're
           | operating in this degraded state and have to juggle the
           | logistics of parenthood on top of the family budget because
           | you still have bills to pay. Your kids finally go to bed, but
           | you can't leave them at home alone (morally or legally) so
           | unless you pay someone to sit on your couch for the night or
           | find a relative who can pitch in, you are literally trapped
           | in the house and can't leave until they wake up.
           | 
           | People without kids say "thank god it's Friday!" at the
           | office, people with large families call the weekend two days
           | without child care. People without kids mention going to the
           | movies, people with kids haven't been to the movies since
           | their first kid was born unless they scheduled it a week in
           | advance with their grandparents, and that movie had to be
           | weighed against every other possible option for date night
           | because you might not get to go out together again for
           | months.
           | 
           | I don't know how this _couldn't_ impact a human's behavior.
           | To conflate it with "wisdom" might be incorrect but, at least
           | from my personal observations, parents operate VERY
           | differently in their day to day lives than their counterparts
           | without children.
           | 
           | To your point of that having a lasting impact, it's clear
           | grandparents to these families have forgotten a lot of what
           | it meant to be parents. Often suggesting unreasonable things
           | in the face of the logistics of parenthood (like staying up
           | late for a social gathering - as if they've forgotten what an
           | over tired 20 month old is like).
        
             | crtified wrote:
             | What does "having it together" actually mean?
        
           | xyzelement wrote:
           | I think you misunderstood the point.
           | 
           | Most of the time, the things that are screaming for our
           | attention are not the truly important things, so it's easy to
           | get distracted and waste time. When we have little kids, they
           | happen to be both important and screaming for our attention,
           | which makes it much easier for us to focus on what's
           | important. That's the point he was making.
           | 
           | I actually observed this in my life a week ago. We just moved
           | our toddler from the crib to a bed and he's been waking up in
           | the middle of the night asking for attention. When this
           | happened, my first instinct was like "ugh. I have to go lay
           | down w him rather than doing advent of code". Then I realized
           | that laying down w my 2 year old is so much cooler and
           | meaningful than anything else I could be doing w that time.
           | 
           | I heard the phrase sometimes "you don't _have_ to do this,
           | you _get_ to do this ". That's what I think the quote is
           | about.
        
           | novok wrote:
           | There is also something powerful to have kids who want to
           | spend time with you on holidays and so on, because they had a
           | good relationship with you. Kids are not just the time you
           | raise them, even if they are mostly active in 20 year span of
           | your life. And if you care about your children, treat them
           | and raise them well, in some ways they will be the most
           | stable relationship you ever have.
           | 
           | A lot of relationships go sour, and IMO I think it's fairly
           | difficult for even the married-forevers to say if their
           | relationship stays good. There is also more conflicts of
           | interest with your spousal partner than there are with
           | children in many ways. Your partner is major, but so is your
           | friends, your kids, your family and there isn't a silver
           | bullet for any of them.
        
           | toomuchtodo wrote:
           | +1 based on (n=1) having two kids and being married 15 years.
           | Being with your kids is a flash in the pan compared to
           | decades with a partner. Don't neglect your kids, but the
           | evidence is strong they're mostly on rails you don't control
           | and as long as you care, that's most of where the effort
           | needs to be. Finding good partners is hard. Keeping them is
           | work. Losing them can be catastrophic (emotionally,
           | logistically, financially) and leave you in a place it can be
           | difficult to come back from. Operate accordingly.
        
         | fortuna86 wrote:
         | Is being a caretaker for a small human the most important thing
         | in life? Or is this some kind of default no one questions.
        
           | parthianshotgun wrote:
           | See, antinatalism for probably a first principles reproach to
           | the standard belief.
        
       | r3trohack3r wrote:
       | My daughter is turning 5 in a few weeks. I realized I only have 3
       | more of these until she's (likely) moving out. 4x5=20, and she'll
       | likely be living her own life by 20. Most of the time you spend
       | with your kids is spent by the time they're 16.
       | 
       | I moved away from my hometown. I see my immediate relatives twice
       | a year now, once at Christmas and once in the summer. Most of my
       | family is getting old. I probably have 125 or so more visits with
       | my parents, 20-50 with my grandparents, and less than 10 with my
       | great grandpa. I keep these numbers in mind every time I go home.
       | 
       | Life isn't short. Meaningful moments are. Don't take them for
       | granted.
        
         | zemvpferreira wrote:
         | This is inevitably going to sound facetious but you can always
         | move back. Give up some things, gain others. Isn't that what
         | this essay's about?
         | 
         | I'm 40. My parents are 75 and I recently moved back next door
         | to them. I expect to be here until they die. Is it my favourite
         | place to live? No. Best for my career? Couldn't be worse. But I
         | see my folks every day. I see my childhood friends every week.
         | I see as much of my family as I can stand - I bump into a
         | random cousin on the daily.
         | 
         | Do you value closeness to family above other things and would
         | you like your daughter to value closeness to you when she grows
         | up? Choices are here to be made.
        
           | r3trohack3r wrote:
           | Not facetious at all. I call it "visiting Paris."
           | 
           | A large number of people I grew up with "wanted to see the
           | world." My younger self modeled a lot of my desired outcomes
           | on people's externally stated desires.
           | 
           | As I got older, I started realizing something: a lot of what
           | people said they wanted was attainable for them and their
           | socioeconomic status if they made different trade offs. So I
           | started poking and offering advice on how they could "visit
           | Paris."
           | 
           | What I came to learn is that they wanted to be the kind of
           | people that wanted to visit Paris. But they never would go to
           | Paris. It was the idea they liked.
           | 
           | I have well off family members who talk about wishing their
           | son lived closer. They have the means to visit him. They're
           | retired and live near an airport with direct flights, 3.5
           | hours door to door. But they never go. That's their Paris.
           | 
           | I don't want to live in my hometown. I don't kid myself - I
           | value raising my family here where I live more than the extra
           | time with family. But, at the same time, when I go back I
           | spend that time in a way maximally meaningful to me.
           | 
           | I try not to have "going to Paris" wishes. I sacrifice
           | protecting my ego from my own decisions but it makes me
           | reconcile my decisions with my desires before reaching the
           | state of irreversible regret.
        
             | zemvpferreira wrote:
             | It's clear you've put a lot of thought into the tradeoff
             | between these mutually exclusive wishes but I'd still
             | encourage you to look for ways to spend more time with your
             | folks. It's not all roses but it's been precious for me,
             | personally.
        
         | sireat wrote:
         | Life is ridiculously short once you move past the mid point -
         | early 40s.
         | 
         | Even the luckiest ones among us get to do a tiny fraction of
         | personally meaningful activities.
         | 
         | As I am piggybacking my youngest one up the stairs, I am
         | enjoying the trek as much as she does. I have this illusion of
         | immortality, surely nothing bad could happen to us this very
         | moment.
         | 
         | Surely that is my elephant/lizard part of the brain. My rider
         | part keeps telling me I could be doing other more egoistical
         | hedonistic activities instead.
        
       | dang wrote:
       | Related:
       | 
       |  _Life Is Short (2016)_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24313158 - Aug 2020 (164
       | comments)
       | 
       |  _Life is Short (2016)_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16729555 - April 2018 (184
       | comments)
       | 
       |  _Life is Short_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12845945
       | - Nov 2016 (11 comments)
       | 
       |  _Life is Short_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10917446
       | - Jan 2016 (408 comments)
        
       | andyjohnson0 wrote:
       | An average-ish human lifespan of 80 years is approximately 1000
       | months, or 4000 weeks, or 10,000 days. It's frightening,but my
       | memento mori is to remind myself of this periodically.
        
         | handzhiev wrote:
         | 4000 weeks is 28,000 days :) Otherwise, you are right and we
         | don't even have this granted.
        
         | amrocha wrote:
         | This seems like the exact kind of confident mistake that AIs
         | make hahaha
        
         | tracyhenry wrote:
         | 80 years = 29,220 days
        
       | m3kw9 wrote:
       | I think counting visits or counting in general isn't as good as
       | getting that one quality time you spend with that person that
       | would remember for a life time. You could be visiting and just be
       | around, while that is also good but you may wish you did way more
        
       | henrik_w wrote:
       | A similar perspective from Sam Altman that I like:
       | 
       | "The days are long but the decades are short"
       | 
       | https://blog.samaltman.com/the-days-are-long-but-the-decades...
        
       | badrabbit wrote:
       | 8 years with your kids is short, 8 years with cancer is long, 8
       | seconds with your hands on a hot stove is very long.
       | 
       | If you succeed in developing a good or at least occasionally
       | enjoyable life, your perspective on life is different than others
       | barely enduring it at all.
       | 
       | In general, it is short in the way of a bell curve. It is long
       | when you are a child or at the end of a long life enduring
       | hardships of old age.
        
         | kovac wrote:
         | That's brilliant. Really put things into perspective.
        
       | revskill wrote:
       | The only way to lengthen the shorten of life, to me, is to
       | improve education system.
       | 
       | Education is the single most important reason we're born, lived,
       | because it requires each of us to inherit human knowledge, and
       | develop new knowledge for further generation.
       | 
       | What a pity, that, the education system is mostly broken in
       | several places.
        
       | gallerdude wrote:
       | There are a lot of great lines in this, but the one that's always
       | stuck with me is simply "bullshit is the junk food of
       | experience."
       | 
       | It's a perfect metaphor in so many ways, there's some fundamental
       | truth glowing behind it like a lightbulb.
        
         | aryamaan wrote:
         | Elaborate please
        
         | SCUSKU wrote:
         | The one I never forget is how PG describes his mother's death.
         | 
         | "I lived as if she'd always be there. And in her typical quiet
         | way she encouraged that illusion. But an illusion it was."
         | 
         | I read this the last time it was posted and this scared the
         | living hell out of me. It has reminded me to never take people,
         | especially my family, for granted. I used to be much more
         | reluctant to go home, but as I've grown older I now appreciate
         | the finiteness of life.
        
           | Trasmatta wrote:
           | Another line from that part:
           | 
           | > After my mother died, I wished I'd spent more time with
           | her.
           | 
           | Sometimes I wonder this about my own parents. I haven't seen
           | them in over a year. I have no desire to see them either, and
           | am dreading the obligatory Christmas call.
           | 
           | I see a ton of advice floating around these days about "make
           | sure to visit your parents a lot, because you'll regret it
           | after they die if you don't". But there's another side to the
           | "life is short" coin: maybe it's not worth spending time with
           | people that make you intensely unhappy, even if those people
           | are your parents.
        
             | rmckayfleming wrote:
             | It's definitely context dependent. But I spent the last few
             | years of my dad's life not really speaking to him much, and
             | when he died - suddenly at the age of 53 - I realized it
             | had been for really petty reasons. The things I disagreed
             | with him on blinded me to what really mattered: he was
             | still my dad.
             | 
             | This year I sold my company, and as exciting as that has
             | been, I wish I could have told him about it. :(
        
           | gms wrote:
           | This is rather true indeed. I would always visit home often
           | as it made my parents happy but sometimes would wonder if I
           | should skip a visit once in a while.
           | 
           | My dad died this year and the result of all those visits is
           | that I have zero regrets. I'm grateful I stuck with them
           | because having regrets now, when it's too late, would be
           | awful.
        
           | tacocataco wrote:
           | I'm glad you have good people in your life, but that isn't
           | true for everyone.
           | 
           | My life would improve immensely if I didn't ever visit my
           | family. I see them once a year and it is once a year to much.
           | I love them, but ideally it would be from very far away for
           | the rest of our lives.
           | 
           | The ones closest to you can hurt you the most.
        
       | NovaVeles wrote:
       | The Japanese concept of `Mono no aware` seemsto fit into this
       | ideal. The tragedy and loss of life itsef
       | 
       | https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mono_no_aware
        
       | jasonhansel wrote:
       | Here's my question: why should you care what your future self
       | thinks? Should avoiding future regret really be your primary goal
       | now?
       | 
       | This whole article seems a bit self-centered, in that it suggests
       | you should first and foremost care about how things will affect
       | you in the future, rather than caring about others.
       | 
       | It seems to me like you should spend less time trying to prevent
       | future regret, and more time trying to do right by other people.
        
         | aktenlage wrote:
         | If it was only a regret on the deathbed, I'd agree. But if
         | these regrets are held for many decades, and thus the pain from
         | them may well outweigh a sacrifice in the presence - if the
         | regretfullness is high enough.
        
       | carabiner wrote:
       | Holy god this is terrifying. It gives way to a mindset of
       | desperate minmaxing, when conventionally we are supposed to
       | maintain a view of abundance towards life. How can we think life
       | is abundant when it is in fact scarce?
        
       | kubb wrote:
       | This makes you think that Paul would be interested in fighting
       | for a world where people don't waste most of their short lives in
       | bullshit corporate jobs because the market demands it, and
       | instead can focus on important things like their families.
        
         | tome wrote:
         | Can you say more about how that world would work?
        
           | fsflover wrote:
           | Fighting for a better version of this world does not imply
           | having a utopia in mind. You can simply help people avoid
           | bullshit as much as you can. In fact, this is what this essay
           | does.
        
         | ablatt89 wrote:
         | Funny enough, I know some engineers who go to work, non-remote,
         | to escape from their wife and kids for a bit and work becomes
         | an avenue to relax! And having to take care of an aging parent
         | who lives with me, I can understand.
        
           | markus_zhang wrote:
           | 40yr old dad can relate. I need to leave the family and chill
           | a bit once or twice a week and hybrid is a god send.
        
             | Glawen wrote:
             | Hybrid is the way to go! I do not like full remote because
             | you get out of touch with the teams and office politics.
             | When I'm full on site I cannot get my work done properly.
             | Hybrid mode allows me to manage my schedule better, get
             | shit done while remote, and keep up with office's politics
             | while on site.
        
           | weatherlite wrote:
           | That definitely exists. But I think there's more people who'd
           | prefer to work less hours (and keep their current salary)
           | than people who simply want to stay in the office more.
        
           | watwut wrote:
           | I have colleagues like that. When we had kids, I started to
           | feel sorry for their wifes and realized how egoistical those
           | guys are.
        
             | paulryanrogers wrote:
             | Try not to judge, you don't know their circumstances. Some
             | may have medical, family, or cultural challenges
             | ("Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!") that make
             | time at home stressful.
        
               | watwut wrote:
               | > "Homeschool is only way! Daycare is the devil!"
               | 
               | If they have either of those "cultural challenges", then
               | they are literally dropping even more work and isolation
               | on their wifes. That is why it is egoism.
               | 
               | Because when they do this, their partner has no choice
               | but to do it all. And the partner is getting no break.
               | 
               | I do knows guys like that. They walk around happy. Their
               | wife's walk around stressed, tired, loosing themselves
               | while talking about how much their husbands need to work.
               | While I know they slack around in work padding time cause
               | chatting with friends is fun.
        
           | nly wrote:
           | Can totally see that. I see.work colleagues who are new
           | parents who seem to enjoy spending as many hours at the
           | office as possible.
        
             | RHSman2 wrote:
             | Work is easy compared to parenting
        
               | peteradio wrote:
               | Work is impossible while parenting.
        
             | Glawen wrote:
             | When my kids were small, I used to work away 3 days a week.
             | It was my resting days as I could sleep normally and
             | recharge myself. I did not realize it until I spent 7 days
             | a week at home.
        
           | [deleted]
        
           | serverholic wrote:
           | This sentiment annoys me because this seems more like an
           | inability to express one's needs and communicate.
           | 
           | And it inevitably it gives ammo to those who want to take
           | away remote work for everyone.
           | 
           | "See, they don't actually want to work remotely!"
        
           | Aeolun wrote:
           | Certainly. When I'm at home I sometimes cannot wait to run
           | off to the office. The feeling is often temporary though, and
           | by 3-4 I'm basically waiting until I can get home :)
        
             | semireg wrote:
             | Life couldn't be sweet without the sour. I like to think
             | that work life balance like this is self reinforcing. Happy
             | holidays!
        
           | breck wrote:
           | The first years are brutally hard (the sleep deprivation in
           | particular) and in my experience work is much easier than
           | raising children, so there's definitely truth to that. The
           | best is when you can do both at the same time. During COVID,
           | for instance, I wrote code in one room while my 1yo played in
           | the next (since everything was locked down). As she got
           | older, she started asking questions and would even provide me
           | advice "stop thinking daddy!" (just do, I assume she was
           | implying). I think this is closer to how it was in the old
           | days--where the kids worked alongside the parents in the
           | farms or shops. You get to spend time with your children
           | while teaching them your crafts and showing them the joy and
           | passion of work. That is the good life, in my opinion.
        
             | holoduke wrote:
             | A personal take on this. I found myself allowing too much
             | screen time for the kids while working at home and having
             | the kids around me. I couldnt give enough attention to
             | either work and kids. Its good for everyone that everything
             | is back to (normal)
        
               | breck wrote:
               | Oh I would agree. Luckily we had dual income and hired a
               | nanny 5 days a week from 8-4. Otherwise would have been
               | impossible (at the time we lived far from family).
        
             | [deleted]
        
           | ThePadawan wrote:
           | I was interviewing for a job in the middle and towards the
           | end of 2020, and regardless of my chances of success or
           | interest, I asked the interviewers how work from home had
           | gone for them so far.
           | 
           | I encountered this sentiment most of all - 40 year old dads
           | who were suddenly stuck at home with the wife and kids,
           | working from an improvised home office.
           | 
           | When I asked about returning to the office, most of them were
           | clearly looking forward to it, with a sentiment of "Of course
           | working from home is less efficient and comfortable, what do
           | you mean?".
           | 
           | It was quite a surprise for me, who had finally gotten away
           | from the noisy open-plan offices and meetings where everyone
           | shouted at each other until the loudest person "won".
        
             | helij wrote:
             | I'm 40+ year old dad as well. I don't feel stuck at home
             | with wife and kids. I don't want to ever return to the
             | office. I'm in managerial position and know that WFH is not
             | any less efficient or less comfortable. I find office to
             | have more distractions. Sentiment is shared across the team
             | as well.
        
             | noisy_boy wrote:
             | I would guess that if we further split 40 year old dads
             | into introverts and extroverts, the sentiment would also
             | split into loving wfh and being happier working away at the
             | office.
        
             | Tade0 wrote:
             | I found that most such people didn't originally plan for
             | work from home, so their experience was predictably
             | horrible. Also during the pandemic daycare/schools were
             | closed, adding to the problem.
             | 
             | Meanwhile me and other young dads who did plan for remote
             | work have now a designated room for an office and children
             | at daycare/kindergarten for most of the day.
             | 
             | Until my child was old enough to attend daycare it was
             | indeed chaos, but with just one you can get used to this.
             | It's much like having a co-worker who likes to chat a
             | little bit too much.
        
               | Bouncingsoul1 wrote:
               | I planned for this as well, 2 months before Covid
               | happend, so a bit lucky. Anyway it works great and I
               | don't want to go back. The thing I don't subscribe to is
               | the "co-worker" part. you see if my child cannot attend
               | daycare because she is sick, I cannot work full. we have
               | an agreement at my work that in such cases we go into
               | "50% or best effort"mode. I guess it depends on the child
               | and maybe the job, but I cannot code/think/debug while a
               | 4 year old wants to be entertained, also I don't want to
               | sit her in front of a tv/mobile just to calm her down, so
               | 50% it is
        
         | twblalock wrote:
         | If everyone behaved like that, our society wouldn't have the
         | wealth needed to make anyone's lives comfortable and secure,
         | except for the lives of the rich.
         | 
         | A job that provides an income to a worker, and generates wealth
         | for society, is not bullshit -- even if all it involves is
         | making crappy consumer products, or working on an assembly
         | line, or doing paperwork all day. In fact, such jobs are the
         | reason the majority of people no longer live in 19th-century
         | conditions -- and the lack of such jobs in regions that used to
         | have a lot of them is a primary driver of populist politics.
        
           | lwhi wrote:
           | Your comment only stands if we continue with the system we
           | have.
        
             | nickpp wrote:
             | Do you have another system in mind? Go ahead and propose
             | it.
        
           | [deleted]
        
           | yarrowy wrote:
           | Universal Basic income would solve those problems. Eventually
           | AI and automation should perform all the mundane jobs which
           | is a good thing but we need to provide basic sustenance for
           | everyone.
        
             | refurb wrote:
             | How basic?
             | 
             | We could have 75% of the population stop working now and
             | the taxes on 25% could provide basic sustenance for
             | everyone.. at 1910 levels.
             | 
             | Same thing would happen with automation, some people would
             | keep working, get 2-3x the wealth and everything that comes
             | with and we're in the same spot we're in today.
        
             | eastbound wrote:
             | France has UBI in the form of "RSA" since 1981. It is
             | proportional to the number of children, so you can live
             | with children on it, and use the state-provided
             | accomodations.
             | 
             | For now it rather seems that it has created two sorts of
             | populations: Those who live off it, and those who work, the
             | two forever opposing each other, the latter literally
             | enslaved by the masses of the former. The enslavement in a
             | society which is ever-more reliant on the remaining workers
             | meets another phenomenon: Shunning the workers who protest,
             | because looks at all this poverty, why would you not accept
             | to fund _them_.
        
               | alexeichemenda wrote:
               | France's RSA does not meet UBI standards that we're
               | considering in the US / California because the amount
               | paid is so small. If you live alone with 2 kids, RSA
               | would be 899EUR/month in 2022, far below minimum wage.
        
               | Glawen wrote:
               | RSA is not only the monthly amount paid, the recipients
               | also live in social housings paying next to nothing in
               | rent, heating, healthcare and transportation.
               | 
               | A similar thing exists in other country like UK or
               | Germany
        
               | eastbound wrote:
               | And cost of living in France is very low. People are
               | happy with 1800EUR, as long as they have the rebates for
               | theater and transports.
        
               | jefftk wrote:
               | Do you mean housing and transportation, or is there
               | really something specific to theater?
        
               | eastbound wrote:
               | A lot of things are cheaper when you have the RSA, but
               | granted, it's mostly leisure and optional things
               | (museums, cinema, holidays at ucpa.com, etc). (ucpa.com
               | is an excellent sports camp address for 18-40, by the
               | way).
        
               | Glawen wrote:
               | Not only optional thing. Metro/bus/tramway are nearly
               | free for them. They also have reduced rate for utilities.
               | Granted it is not easy to live with 500EUR a month, but
               | you can get by.
        
               | ido wrote:
               | I assumed it was a mistranslated pun on "bread and
               | circuses":
               | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_and_circuses
        
               | tut-urut-utut wrote:
               | 899EUR in France >> 899EUR in California
        
             | nicksiscoe wrote:
             | I understand the justification for UBI from a labor
             | perspective if all "mundane jobs" are automated, but where
             | I haven't heard convincing justification is on the more
             | abstract "life purpose" side of things. What happens,
             | regardless of UBI, if we move towards a system that
             | provides little to no purpose in working towards anything,
             | or at a basic level, working for a living at all? I know
             | many friends and relatives who reached retirement and faced
             | anxiety and depression due to lack of "a reason to get up
             | in the morning" - it feels like UBI would introduce this
             | problem at a larger scale, and I'm not convinced by the
             | general "we'll all just be artists" concept either...
        
               | chownie wrote:
               | We don't have a fix for this problem _now_ , we barely
               | paper these social cracks by requiring people to work
               | extended hours in jobs they don't value at all. Most
               | people don't even have the time to think about how
               | unfulfilled they are.
        
               | serverholic wrote:
               | I don't think it's a true problem though, but a symptom
               | of being raised in capitalism.
        
             | gabaix wrote:
             | We can do much better in automation.
             | 
             | Entrepreneurs I know are reluctant to hire because it does
             | not scale. Yet they do hire, slowly and surely. They need
             | these jobs, as they cannot grow without it.
             | 
             | Similarly they complain about the lack of talent. Most of
             | the people they value do not want the regular job that they
             | offer. They need the people who want the regular jobs.
             | 
             | I am sure this will change. Yet today it is the reality.
        
               | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
               | _> Similarly they complain about the lack of talent._
               | 
               | ...of people I _want_ to have around me...
               | 
               | It's been my experience that "cultural fit" has been a
               | much more important coefficient, than "talent."
               | 
               | In my case, it's a bit of sour grapes, and I'll be the
               | first to admit it. I have the talent and experience to
               | pretty much singlehandedly "make" a smallish startup (I'm
               | doing exactly that, right now, but for a nonprofit, for
               | free), but found that my gray hair terrified prospective
               | employers so much, that they ran screaming.
               | 
               | There's plenty of talent out there, but it may come with
               | things like self-assurance, confidence, and an
               | unwillingness to put up with childish BS, or be a galley
               | slave.
        
             | scoot wrote:
             | A world where the only thing that people contribute is more
             | people.
        
             | sinlar-multiple wrote:
             | lmao @ UBI
             | 
             | I can't understand how educated people can still gobble ubi
             | propaganda up when it's proven that such model is
             | completely unsustainable economically and socially
        
               | Karsteski wrote:
               | How has it been proven?
        
               | sofixa wrote:
               | > when it's proven that such model is completely
               | unsustainable economically and socially
               | 
               | How exactly has it been proven? That's a very strong word
               | to use for something that has never been tried on
               | anything but very small scale limited pilots.
        
               | rvba wrote:
               | It hasnt been proven but those who live in Europe see
               | families that get:
               | 
               | -free housing
               | 
               | -free money
               | 
               | -money for children (that they use for themselves)
               | 
               | -various other help (clothes, coal, christmas packages)
               | 
               | This had an unfortunate effect of creating a group of
               | people who never worked and all they did was raise 3-5
               | children. Despite the parents not working (so having time
               | to take care of their children) those children did not
               | really get any education, often did not even finish high
               | school. And guess what those children often got their own
               | set of children early - who also will never work, live of
               | social benefits and small time theft.
               | 
               | You dont exactly have to be a right winger to notice that
               | the model is not sustainable. Especially as this group of
               | people only demands more and they think that they
               | "deserve" it. Also if you would try to teach the children
               | that everyone should contribute to society by working,
               | their parents/grandparents/even grand grandparents will
               | protest. Since they lived this "parasite" lives forever
               | and dont know better. How can someone demand that they
               | work? They deserve higher social benefits and they
               | deserve better housing. (While you are supposed to get a
               | mortgage and slave to get a house). Also at some point
               | the group will become so big that they can vote for
               | politicians that will give them more (at the expense of
               | those who work).
               | 
               | Of course perhaps maybe UBI can work and it will be all
               | rosy, but it is just wishful thinking. Communism was also
               | supposed to work.
               | 
               | Different problem with UBI is that middle class becomes
               | nobodies - you are supposed to shut up because you get
               | your dole. While I bet the rich people will still be
               | rich.
        
               | argentinian wrote:
               | > at some point the group will become so big that they
               | can vote for politicians that will give them more (at the
               | expense of those who work).
               | 
               | This is exactly what happens in Argentina now.
        
               | weatherlite wrote:
               | Welp, soon enough us programmers might join this group of
               | people you're describing...who would've thunk.
        
               | defrost wrote:
               | Interesting opinion, nothing that meshes with the actual
               | largely indeterminate results of the Finish experiment
               | [1] [2] [3] nor with the bulk of the other small scale
               | examples [4].
               | 
               | Countries such as Australia with robust (compared to the
               | US) welfare safety nets (not perfect by any means, but
               | not to shabby overall) have proven to have strong long
               | term GDP growth and to be resilient in the face of
               | various global crisis events.
               | 
               | Good safety nets provide a place to regroup and do better
               | - without being reduced to homeless and struggling to
               | meet basic food and clothing needs.
               | 
               | [1]
               | https://julkaisut.valtioneuvosto.fi/handle/10024/161361
               | 
               | [2] https://www.mckinsey.com/industries/public-and-
               | social-sector...
               | 
               | [3] https://www.bruegel.org/blog-post/universal-basic-
               | income-and...
               | 
               | [4] https://www.vox.com/future-
               | perfect/2020/2/19/21112570/univer...
        
               | argentinian wrote:
               | You should check Argentina's example too.
        
               | unity1001 wrote:
               | > This had an unfortunate effect of creating a group of
               | people who never worked and all they did was raise 3-5
               | children.
               | 
               | You dont seem to be aware that such programs are designed
               | to have people raise such 5-6 children while doing
               | nothing else in order to bump up the declining
               | population. And if you think raising 6 children is not
               | work... boy...
        
               | rvba wrote:
               | The problem is that (1) those programs seem to "produce"
               | (as awful as it sounds) undesirable people who dont work
               | nor contribute to society. There are entire families
               | (grandparents, parents, children) who lived their whole
               | lives on benefits. So for the society they are a net
               | loss. And on top of that they often do petty theft.
               | 
               | (2) if you are in middle class, or low class (but still
               | working) you are contributing for others and dont get
               | anything in return from them. I would argue that if you
               | didnt have to contribute so much then those middle/low
               | class families would have 2 children instead of 1.
               | Children of parents that work and will raise them right.
               | 
               | You seem to think that those low life people work hard
               | raising their children? Lol, they dont care about their
               | children.. those kids are raised by the streets.
               | 
               | It is the same in UK where some families mass manufacture
               | inbred children (seriously read about it) and same in
               | Slovakia where alcoholics get more kids since they dont
               | use contraception and having a kid allows more money for
               | vodka.
               | 
               | You assume that everyone wants the best for their kids,
               | nope those people just have a strategy to pump few kids,
               | who maybe will pump more kids. At thr expense of
               | taxpayers.
        
               | Glawen wrote:
               | I believe these program exist in the sole purpose of
               | reducing criminality, so that the poor don't start
               | thinking of robberies.
        
               | gptadmirer wrote:
               | Because The educated is synonymous for woke politics
               | bullshit these days. They got knowledge but they lack
               | wisdom. They got their privilege living in safe 1st world
               | environments but they forgot true human nature that 3rd
               | worlders see daily.
        
               | unity1001 wrote:
               | > true human nature that 3rd worlders see daily.
               | 
               | http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=scientis
               | ts-...
               | 
               | That's the objectively proven human nature. Not the
               | randian nonsense. And that's what 3rd worlders see every
               | day.
        
               | gptadmirer wrote:
               | [flagged]
        
               | rrgok wrote:
               | I'm not 100% pro UBI. But do you feel the current
               | model/system is sustainable?
        
               | unity1001 wrote:
               | > when it's proven
               | 
               | Don't invent false realities. Nobody proved nothing as
               | such. The Finnish experiment and others showed that there
               | is no relation in between ubi and unemployment.
        
             | noisy_boy wrote:
             | My opinion is that UBI would actually free people up to do
             | the low-paying mundane job that they can't afford to do
             | today. It would provide the _option_ of a normal work life
             | that allows one to feel like they were productive, even if
             | it is mundane work, and provide the human interaction by
             | means of socializing at work.
             | 
             | If I don't _have_ to work, I will probably enjoy my work
             | more.
        
           | matbatt38 wrote:
           | Yeah beacause the system we live in does provide wealth and
           | security for the poor, for sure!
        
             | twblalock wrote:
             | It provides more than they ever had in the past.
        
           | unity1001 wrote:
           | > If everyone behaved like that, our society wouldn't have
           | the wealth needed to make anyone's lives comfortable and
           | secure, except for the lives of the rich
           | 
           | The society today already has the means to make only 1% of
           | the population work, and still keep the comfort level for
           | everyone as it is.
           | 
           | We are making people waste their lives away creating
           | imaginary wealth to bump up the stored imaginary wealth in
           | financial institutions only to keep the existing economic
           | system going.
        
             | SimonPStevens wrote:
             | I'm very sceptical about this claim. Would like to see a
             | source.
             | 
             | Sure, we may have enough "money" to redistribute it. But if
             | 99% of the population stops working, who is going to make
             | everything we use, produce food, run power stations, and
             | transport everything to us. Automation is great, but it
             | doesn't cover anywhere near 99% of necessary jobs yet.
        
             | ip26 wrote:
             | Source? Criteria for "The same comfort level"?
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | nickpp wrote:
         | Do you know what families need? Food, clothes, heating and
         | cooling, medicine, technology, mobility, various forms of
         | entertainment and so on.
         | 
         | Do you know how you make those? Mostly with those "bullshit"
         | corporate jobs.
        
         | Aperocky wrote:
         | These two things are not mutually exclusive.
        
         | vt85 wrote:
         | [dead]
        
         | odiroot wrote:
         | Citation needed. Not everyone finds happiness in a life that
         | you describe.
        
         | blub wrote:
         | Corporations typically provide actual value. Think machinery,
         | chemicals, food production, etc.
         | 
         | It's the bullshit software startup jobs that typically serve no
         | purpose besides shuffling investor money from one place to
         | another. Yes dear reader, that's probably you.
        
         | nullcaution wrote:
         | I feel that is kind of what we are seeing on mass in other
         | sectors... quiet quitting, and the the like.
         | 
         | People realized they don't have time for bullshit.
        
       | sriku wrote:
       | Somewhat related and somewhat tangential. Slavoj Zizek on the
       | "tautological emptiness of the master's wisdom" -
       | 
       | """ The tautological emptiness of a Master's Wisdom is
       | exemplified in the inherent stupidity of proverbs. Let us engage
       | in a mental experiment by way of trying to construct proverbial
       | wisdom out of the relationship between terrestrial life, its
       | pleasures, and its Beyond. If ones says, "Forget about the
       | afterlife, about the Elsewhere, seize the day, enjoy life fully
       | here and now, it's the only life you've got!" it sounds deep. If
       | one says exactly the opposite ("Do not get trapped in the
       | illusory and vain pleasures of earthly life; money, power, and
       | passions are all destined to vanish into thin air - think about
       | eternity!"), it also sounds deep. If one combines the two sides
       | ("Bring Eternity into your everyday life, live your life on this
       | earth as if it is already permeated by Eternity!"), we get
       | another profound thought. Needless to add, the same goes for it's
       | inversion: "Do not try in vain to bring together Eternity and
       | your terrestrial life, accept humbly that you are forever split
       | between Heaven and Earth!" If, finally, one simply gets perplexed
       | by all these reversals and claims: "Life is an enigma, do not try
       | to penetrate its secrets, accept the beauty of its unfathomable
       | mystery!" the result is, again, no less profound than its
       | reversal: "Do not allow yourself to be distracted by false
       | mysteries that just dissimulate the fact that, ultimately, life
       | is very simple - it is what it is, it is simply here without
       | reason and rhyme!" Needless to add that, by uniting mystery and
       | simplicity, one again obtains a wisdom: "The ultimate,
       | unfathomable mystery of life resides in its very simplicity, in
       | the simple fact that there is life." """
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | epicureanideal wrote:
       | ...but it doesn't need to be. There are people working on real,
       | scientific, anti-aging technology, like the Longevity Escape
       | Velocity (LEV) Foundation, SENS Foundation (I prefer LEVF
       | though), and the many individuals involved, but especially Aubrey
       | de Grey.
       | 
       | One of the reasons I got into software development was to try to
       | make enough money to contribute to these causes, or to work on
       | the problems directly in bioinformatics. Unfortunately I haven't
       | reached the point where I would make much of a difference, but
       | who knows what will happen in the next 10-20 years.
        
         | xvilka wrote:
         | Beating death is good. I think it will not happen any time soon
         | though. In a few centuries, maybe. Certainly not in my
         | lifetime.
        
           | epicureanideal wrote:
           | The leading organizer of research in the field thinks it has
           | a 50% chance of being achieved in 15 years.
           | 
           | Specifically, longevity escape velocity being achieved,
           | meaning for each year you live the technology improves fast
           | enough that you get another year.
           | 
           | Whatever can be done to raise the odds is obviously
           | preferable, because there's also a chance it won't happen in
           | our lifetime and that would be really bad.
        
         | brutusborn wrote:
         | What got you interested in life extension? And how long would
         | you want to live for?
         | 
         | I've never understood the philosophy behind life extension
         | research, because to me it seems like a case of spending a lot
         | of resources in the hope of improving something that isn't
         | really broken. However I love people with passion and I value
         | freedom, so I'm glad that people get to work on it even if I
         | feel like it's probably a bit of a waste.
        
           | concordDance wrote:
           | > it seems like a case of spending a lot of resources in the
           | hope of improving something that isn't really broken
           | 
           | This puzzles me. Ageing is extremely expensive to society.
           | Healthcare and care for the elderly is often >10% of total
           | expenditure. Surely that's pretty broken?
           | 
           | And of course there's all the pain they're in, the things
           | they wish to enjoy but can't (like football) and things like
           | covid lockdowns that have to be done because the elderly are
           | at risk (a 20 year old has a risk of death from covid under
           | 0.005%). Lockdowns severely damaged the mental health of many
           | people I know and being housebound due to age related
           | infirmity causes depression in the elderly.
        
             | brutusborn wrote:
             | I meant the human life cycle wasn't broken, because I was
             | only thinking of this in terms of preventing death. Framing
             | it as a reduction in suffering helped me understand,
             | thanks!
             | 
             | I still have concerns that it would be used in such a way
             | that people would live long despite intense suffering, thus
             | increasing suffering overall. But hopefully that isn't the
             | case.
        
           | NoToP wrote:
           | It's simple really. I want to exist because I exist. I exist
           | because I want to exist. This mutually recursive loop belies
           | the bottom of everyone's motivations for everything. All
           | wants and urges, from an evolutionary standpoint, stem from
           | wanting to keep existing. Wanting to exist stems from already
           | existing, as anything which exists without wanting to will
           | readily lose out to those that do exist and want to. That's
           | all "point" there is at the bottom of it all.
           | 
           | What's the point of extending our life? The same as the point
           | of eating and breathing. I want to keep on existing.
        
             | brutusborn wrote:
             | I think your logic makes sense, but in some cases may be
             | wrong. The underlying assumption is that living longer
             | personally will lead to a longer existence for your
             | descendants, which is probably true but not always.
             | 
             | E.g. life extension may accelerate resource extraction to
             | the point that your descendants die out sooner than they
             | would have if you had died normally. Although you are
             | living longer, your lineage isn't.
             | 
             | Also, I suspect that the cycle of life and death is like a
             | computer reboot in that it is a reset of state. Leaving it
             | too long without a reboot might cause existential level
             | issues.
             | 
             | Don't get me wrong, I support life extension research, but
             | I'm just skeptical of how 'good' it would actually be for
             | society and the life extender themselves. Hopeful, but
             | cautious.
        
           | dinosaurdynasty wrote:
           | I (not OP) want to see the death of a supermassive black
           | hole, so 10^106 years or so. I'm sure I can figure out what
           | to do in the meantime!
        
           | epicureanideal wrote:
           | > What got you interested in life extension?
           | 
           | Immediately when I first heard about it I thought, wow, this
           | is fantastic, because death is a really bad thing. I believe
           | it was mostly reading the book Ending Aging by Aubrey de
           | Grey, although I may have heard about some related ideas on
           | various websites before that.
           | 
           | > And how long would you want to live for?
           | 
           | Certainly at least a couple hundred years, and by that point
           | I'd have time to think about how much longer I'd want. I
           | don't really see a reason why I'd want less than infinite
           | time if it were possible.
           | 
           | > I've never understood the philosophy behind life extension
           | research, because to me it seems like a case of spending a
           | lot of resources in the hope of improving something that
           | isn't really broken.
           | 
           | I've spent several decades working really hard, or studying.
           | Although I hope I'll have a great time in the next several
           | decades, I sure do want more.
           | 
           | Also, I have many things I want to do that I know I won't
           | have time to do in one currently normal lifetime. There are
           | several projects like books I'd write that I will probably
           | not get a chance to do, because there are so many other
           | things I want to do also.
           | 
           | Basically the rough outline of my schedule for the next 40-50
           | years is pretty packed. Obviously I'm going to prioritize and
           | so a bunch of things will be pushed off the list, but I'd
           | really like to do all the things on the list, plus have
           | plenty of time for general entertainment, social life, and so
           | on.
        
       | jbaber wrote:
       | I'm able to shorten life by doing mindless "have to" tasks and
       | consuming distracting media (music, books, movies, games, etc.)
       | 
       | I'm able to lengthen it by deliberately, reflectively doing
       | anything (thinking, programming, breathing, etc.).
       | 
       | I spent almost three decades in school -- grading and getting
       | graded. I made that time race by as much as I could so I could
       | get to the part where I have kids and a job that I can actually
       | enjoy.
       | 
       | Now I'm savoring every minute. I feel the natural compression of
       | time that comes with age, of course, but I'm more than able to
       | counter it by consciously enjoying life.
        
         | althea_tx wrote:
         | Well said. It's worth adding that various mood altering
         | substances can speed up our perception of the passage of life
         | while impairing our ability to remember what happened.
        
           | SyzygistSix wrote:
           | Some can slow it waaaay down too.
        
             | jjeaff wrote:
             | Does that also make those moments more memorable? I don't
             | have any experience in it, but seems like an interesting
             | possibility that when things seem to slow down you remember
             | them better. Or maybe you remember them even less?
        
               | SyzygistSix wrote:
               | Is an experience only fun or valuable when you can
               | remember it? What does that say about all the things we
               | remember incorrectly?
        
       | Swizec wrote:
       | Life is short in many ways, but it's also the longest thing you
       | will ever do. There's plenty of time if you prioritize and focus.
       | 
       | No you won't be able to do everything. But you have enough time
       | to do the things you care about.
       | 
       | And the things that run out? Enjoy them! Running out is what
       | makes them special.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | alexchantavy wrote:
       | > The "flow" that imaginative people love so much has a darker
       | cousin that prevents you from pausing to savor life amid the
       | daily slurry of errands and alarms.
       | 
       | This is a great sentence and I want to see it expanded on. I
       | crave being in that flow state and enjoy what I do but it makes
       | me very irritable to be interrupted and I realize needing this
       | level of focus potentially takes me away from other aspects of
       | life like spending time with my family. I'm wondering if others
       | have dealt with these sorts of feelings. I love what I work on,
       | sometimes to the detriment of other things and difficult for me
       | to zoom out in the way described in the essay.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | srb231 wrote:
       | " I lived as if she'd always be there. And in her typical quiet
       | way she encouraged that illusion. But an illusion it was. I think
       | a lot of people make the same mistake I did."
       | 
       | PG's writing style is excellent, conversational and clear
       | expression of ideas.
       | 
       | Profoundly written.
       | 
       | Relentlessly pruning bullshit gets better with practice and age.
        
       | up2isomorphism wrote:
       | According to this, first thing we should do is quitting hacker
       | news.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | digbybk wrote:
       | I really like this, but to to add an alternate perspective: I'm
       | skeptical of deathbed regrets, and regrets in general. I don't
       | think your present self actually knows what your past self went
       | through. We remember events but are bad at remembering emotions
       | except in very broad, general ways. You might say "I wish I had
       | spent more time with my kids and less time at work". But you
       | won't remember the feeling of dissatisfaction you had with your
       | home life and the pride you felt when you delivered on a
       | difficult project. You could say "I wish I was more satisfied
       | with my home life" but how much control do you have over that,
       | really?
       | 
       | I don't remember where I heard this: "every person you see is
       | fighting a battle that you know nothing about, so be kind,
       | always". I think we can extend that same kindness to ourselves.
        
         | stackbutterflow wrote:
         | More like you might say "I wish I had spent more time with my
         | kids and less time at work" but you won't remember the anxiety
         | of planning for the future. In hindsight you managed to saved
         | enough for retirement but it didn't always looked that way when
         | you were laid off for the second time in 4 years in the middle
         | of an economic crisis. Your kids grew without life changing
         | injuries but you didn't know that and you didn't have to battle
         | a cancer.
         | 
         | So at the twilight of your life you might say that you wish you
         | hadn't worked overtime for that startup or spent your weekends
         | on side projects but at the time you were worried about paying
         | your rent or a dead-end career path and you had to try to work
         | harder because you had no way of knowing things would turn out
         | fine. And maybe they turned out fine because of your efforts.
         | 
         | Hindsight is 20/20 and this is just as true for your future
         | self judging your current self.
        
         | rscho wrote:
         | > the pride you felt when you delivered on a difficult project.
         | 
         | Never felt that way. Which is why family always comes first for
         | me.
        
           | digbybk wrote:
           | I definitely don't want to say that choosing family over work
           | isn't the optimal path to happiness. My point is that
           | decisions are largely made on emotion, and we're bad at
           | remembering past emotion.
        
         | jjeaff wrote:
         | I'd say you have about as much control over your career
         | trajectory as you do your home life (arguably more control over
         | how your home life turns out). And I agree that memory is
         | fickle and weird but I think there is a reason you so rarely
         | hear someone say, they wished they had spent more time on their
         | career rather than family. They recognize what brought/brings
         | them happiness.
        
           | digbybk wrote:
           | I suspect that a lot of deathbed regrets about not spending
           | enough time with your kids is for the benefit of the kids.
           | Who would say "I'm glad I didn't spent all that much time
           | with you and your siblings. Frankly. I had better things to
           | do."
           | 
           | I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend more time with your
           | family. I'm saying that we should give our past selves the
           | benefit of the doubt when it comes to their decision making,
           | whatever your present self decides to do. It's just an
           | argument against regret.
        
             | ido wrote:
             | Not affirming or disproving anything you wrote, it just
             | reminded me that my mother once told that in one of the
             | last conversations she had with my grandmother, she told
             | her she never really loved her as much as she loved my
             | uncle (or maybe that she didn't really love her much at
             | all, I don't remember exactly). She was eventually senile
             | enough to be unable to talk towards the end of her life.
             | 
             | I also found it interesting that my grandmother was
             | _extremely_ loving and caring to me. And my grandfather
             | (who was ever less kind to my mother than my grandmother
             | was) was very affectionate to his great-grandchildren (but
             | not his grandchildren). Maybe they both regretted it near
             | the end of their lives and tried to handle things
             | differently with the younger generations?
             | 
             | But yes, I agree- I would guess most people had more tact
             | and empathy than my grandmother apparently had towards her
             | daughter, and wouldn't say something like that even if it
             | was true. And if they did many their kids wouldn't be too
             | quick to recount the experience publicly?
        
       | msie wrote:
       | At 51, I am trying to come to grips with wasting my life in my
       | 20s, 30s and 40s. I don't remember doing anything memorable
       | during that time. I spent too much time doing bullshit
       | programming or doing the same old comfortable things with
       | friends. I wish I dated more. Tried more things that young people
       | can do. I was too scared to make mistakes. Now I can't go back.
       | It's driving me nuts.
        
         | handzhiev wrote:
         | For bad (and for good), what you did in the past does not
         | matter that much. Good memories can help your current moment,
         | but only a little if you can't do the same now.
         | 
         | For example, if you dated more and had more good relationships
         | can do some good for your self esteem, but you'll still miss
         | these things now if you don't have them.
         | 
         | And the end of the day only the current moment really matters.
        
         | eternauta3k wrote:
         | What things do you wish you'd done, besides dating?
        
         | el_benhameen wrote:
         | This is a grander version of what I do when I procrastinate:
         | fret about the time I've wasted, beat myself up about what I
         | wasted it on, and anxiously berate myself every minute that I
         | don't _just stop wasting time_. None of that ever works, and
         | nothing feels better than forgiving myself for it, forgetting
         | all of it, and just getting started. You don't have any "then"
         | left, but you do have "now" left.
        
         | FartyMcFarter wrote:
         | You still have plenty of time left to do cool things.
        
         | theGnuMe wrote:
         | Hey man at least you've realized it now and not on your death
         | bed. So now you have time to do the new things. You get your
         | second life.
         | 
         | You can't go back only forward, find peace with your past. A
         | therapist can help. Put another pearl on the string of life and
         | move forward.
         | 
         | My biggest regret is not going to therapy sooner. I would've
         | been so much happier sooner. Now I laugh at the irony of that
         | statement.
        
         | icelancer wrote:
         | Don't be 68 wondering the same thing about the last decade and
         | a half.
        
           | myth_drannon wrote:
           | That's the problem, now you can't know what you would regret
           | in 20 years.
        
         | Glawen wrote:
         | What can young people do now that you could not do ? Internet
         | stuff? The way I see it, young people now can do less than when
         | I was young. For example lots of dangerous activities got
         | prohibited (e.g. fireworks) or they added too much regulations
         | (alcohol, cigarettes, mopeds). For good or worse, no more
         | compulsory army at 18. We live in a very protective society
         | where every threatening activity gets banned.
         | 
         | As a European, I studied in the UK and got a masters, tutions
         | fees paid by the European Union. My children cannot do this
         | anymore.
         | 
         | My young is 17 and spend his free time in the gym, and he is
         | not alone. It is true I could not do this at his age, but I do
         | not understand it.
        
       | yef wrote:
       | An antidote to bullshit (e.g., unproductive meetings that you
       | still have to go to) is journaling. When you're writing to
       | yourself, for no other audience but yourself, you can be 100%
       | honest. So that helps serve to counteract it and give strength,
       | sometimes you also see things from another person's perspective.
       | e.g. the meeting may have some value to your boss, which has
       | follow-on benefits to you that you hadn't considered.
        
       | raydiatian wrote:
       | Here's my perspective on life: dying is probably the whole point
       | of _your_ life, or perhaps coming to terms with it, and
       | conquering your fear of it. All other forms of "importance"
       | derive from this root.
       | 
       | - It is is unlikely anything you do will "matter". Out of ~117
       | billion people to have ever lived over countless millennia, the
       | lives of note throughout history are what? 10k? 100k? Even if
       | it's 1b meaningful lives that weren't just an aggregate in the
       | wave of babies, you've got a worse than 1% chance of being
       | meaningful. Or, perhaps all lives are significant on a level we
       | are incapable of comprehending. If it defies comprehension, what
       | is the use in crafting a meaningful life?
       | 
       | - you have only the present, and your unreliable recollection of
       | the past to mark your existence. The present is ephemeral, the
       | past is mutable, and neither carry any clear indication that the
       | experience of either matters beyond themselves. Time is sending
       | us all beyond the threshold of both, as best we can tell. With
       | such imperfect information, what planning can you rationally do?
       | To quote Stephen Covey, if it is out of your hands, why worry?
       | 
       | - some of the largest structural entities mankind has ever built
       | are based on the "afterlife" (ie religion), and many possess a
       | concept of heaven and hell. In addition, there are more modern
       | attempts to inspect the qualia of death. The notion of going to
       | heaven or hell intersects with the notion of having a good trip
       | or a bad trip. And of course now I have my shining Joe Rogan
       | moment where I cite the huge DMT trip awaiting most of us
       | (assuming your death not by complete annihilation, such as
       | nuclear explosion, or other).
       | 
       | Therefore, the only thing that you really need to plan for is
       | getting to the end of your road, and not having your exit DMT
       | trip be sponsored by the ninth circle of hell, if you can.
       | 
       | In conclusion it really doesn't matter. Time eternally marches
       | forward, there are no actual stakes because everybody is damned.
       | Include the notion that we as a society do a pretty dog job of
       | (1) not producing fucked up people (2) not fucking people up as
       | it all goes and (3) pledging to change that, so it's basically
       | just a daydream that mankind will ever transcend to be anything
       | of transcendent/indisputable value. Don't know how to phrase the
       | last part.
        
         | bombela wrote:
         | DMT trip sounds rather nice. The closest I ever was to death
         | was a simple fall into darkness. No more fear. Peaceful. With a
         | single regret: leaving the family around in pain.
        
         | loandbehold wrote:
         | How is past mutable?
        
           | xyzelement wrote:
           | Probably not what the parent meant, but I think the past is
           | "mutable" in that we can change how we see it through time.
           | 
           | Example. A few years ago I was laid off right after my kid
           | was born. Bad thing that happened to me, right?
           | 
           | In retrospect, if I didn't get laid off from there, I would
           | end up living in a different state, and my kids wouldn't live
           | next door to their cousins. And I am fine work wise as well.
           | 
           | So I retrospect, getting laid off from that job was the best
           | thing that could have happened because it was a critical
           | junction to my current life which I love.
        
           | baliex wrote:
           | It's a reference to your memories of the past not accurately
           | reflecting what really happened
        
         | poisonborz wrote:
         | Your view of what matters is really narrow. Not everything has
         | to have an impact in the style or singular magnitude how
         | Aristotle, Charlemange or Muhammad did. You could edit a wiki
         | article that inspires someone to contribute to a software that
         | has a button that someone will push and change things. Human
         | life has billions of nuances like this every minute. And even
         | if most of that is ericadated by a catastrophe, some percent of
         | this experience might continue, containing an essence of it
         | all. We must drive life forward with such beliefs, thinking not
         | just of ourselves.
        
           | raydiatian wrote:
           | > You could edit a wiki article...
           | 
           | Yeah, "doing for others" is the point of life. I would argue
           | it is an _avenue_ in life, a very good avenue, and I don 't
           | discredit its morality, or correctness. But it is not the
           | _point_ of life, per se.
           | 
           | You do for others for your own peace of mind, so that you can
           | live, day to day, as you approach your death bed. Your doing
           | for others is your avenue to a clear conscience. Play the
           | "why" game on that one for long enough and it ends in
           | "because bad is bad, and I don't want to feel bad
           | infinitely". This is why I argue that your death is the point
           | of life. It's your destination, it's why people freak out
           | about leaving a legacy. Death is the great motivator.
           | 
           | You wouldn't "do for others" if it was established wisdom
           | that "doing for others" meant some experiential equivalent of
           | eternal damnation. It's not that doing for others is wrong or
           | something, it's just that it has an ontological derivative.
           | 
           | If we did for others despite our deaths, I think that Adam
           | Smith would have been lambasted as a heretic, and I think
           | communism would actually work.
        
         | xvilka wrote:
         | > It is is unlikely anything you do will "matter". Out of ~117
         | billion people to have ever lived over countless millennia, the
         | lives of note throughout history are what? 10k? 100k? Even if
         | it's 1b meaningful lives that weren't just an aggregate in the
         | wave of babies, you've got a worse than 1% chance of being
         | meaningful. Or, perhaps all lives are significant on a level we
         | are incapable of comprehending. If it defies comprehension,
         | what is the use in crafting a meaningful life?
         | 
         | Forward few million years to the future. It turned nobody
         | mattered, talented or not, recorded in history or not. High
         | chances the whole civilization will disappear without any
         | trace. So, essentially, nothing ever matters except now.
        
       | netchkin wrote:
       | I have recently started wondering about the nature of a very
       | specific bullshit enabler these days, which is attention
       | commoditization. It almost looks like in the pre-AI days, there
       | was a surge of online marketers trying trying to learn about
       | people and behavior, occasionally employing dark patterns to get
       | you to click. Later, with the surge of social media use, AI
       | models were used to recommend content incongruent with the user's
       | best interest. And it worked as it becomes increasingly difficult
       | to go out in the internet to get a particular job done, but the
       | sheer amount of rabbit-holes ventured to must me astounding. And
       | now the trend seems to be shorts/stories/tiktok, which only looks
       | to me as means to groom human attention for even easier override
       | with clickbaits and ads. I wonder how many people daily fail to
       | focus on what matters because of the attention problems induced
       | by the modern tech and is there any research about it?
        
       | osrec wrote:
       | > If you had a handful of 8 peanuts, or a shelf of 8 books to
       | choose from, the quantity would definitely seem limited, no
       | matter what your lifespan was.
       | 
       | I find this argument strange, especially since he uses the word
       | "seem". "Seem" does not mean "is".
       | 
       | If you _really_ want to make life seem short, measure it in
       | millennia. You only get a fraction of one.
       | 
       | Personally, I feel it's about your state of mind. If you're
       | depressed, life feels unbelievably long. If things are going
       | well, then you don't want the good times to ever end, and it
       | seems short.
       | 
       | I don't really know how to conclude whether life is or isn't
       | short. All I can conclude from the article is that PG is quite
       | happy with his!
        
         | aktenlage wrote:
         | > I find this argument strange, especially since he uses the
         | word "seem". "Seem" does not mean "is".
         | 
         | As he writes in the beginning, there is no objective truth to
         | answer this question. Since it is subjective "seeming" is all
         | that matters. If life seems short to you, it is (for you). If
         | not, it isn't.
        
         | xyzelement wrote:
         | // All I can conclude from the article is that PG is quite
         | happy with his!
         | 
         | A great sign that we should pay attention to his advice :)
        
       | block_dagger wrote:
       | Life is short if you're enjoying it. If it's full of unbearable
       | torture, the opposite is true.
        
         | cableshaft wrote:
         | Not necessarily. There are options to make their life short in
         | that circumstance. Horrible and unfortunate options, but
         | options nonetheless.
        
       | brainlessdev wrote:
       | Related reads are Seneca's _On The Shortness Of Life_
       | (appropriately only about 100 pages) and maybe also Marcus
       | Aurelius 's _Meditations_.
       | 
       | These are recommendations from a philosophy newbie.
        
       | college_physics wrote:
       | If anything, human life got remarkably longer in the last
       | century. Any feeling that it is "too short" is not an objective
       | reality (compared to what?) but indicates the failure of
       | collective societal mechanisms to put the individual at emotional
       | ease with reality and their existence and role in it.
       | 
       | Eliminating all existential angst of the human animal is likely
       | impossible as various absurd religious constructs (after life,
       | reincarnation etc) testify. But modern society performs
       | significantly below par by failing in more basic ways.
       | 
       | Excessive individualism, disconnecting and disregarding those
       | living next to us, before us and those living in our future hence
       | not living also _through them_ is the main cause.
        
         | irl_chad wrote:
         | I don't understand how anyone can call "various religious
         | constructs" absurd. It's a very "Reddit moment" thing to do.
         | Religion has existed since the dawn of man. The internal
         | feeling that there is something more out there - something that
         | created us, is something almost all of us have.
         | 
         | As for the feeling that life is too short; I'll offer a
         | comparison to the early biblical figures: Adam and his sons
         | lived almost a thousand years. Noah the same. Isaac lived
         | almost 200 years. Compared to biblical figures, we live very
         | short lifespans.
        
           | dmitriid wrote:
           | Ah yes. Adam. Noah. Isaac. And yet, literally no historical
           | record shows that anyone ever lived that long. And if you
           | believe that the Bible is the only historical record we have
           | of those times, boy do I have a bridge to sell you.
        
           | brutusborn wrote:
           | That's why he said "religious constructs" and not
           | "religions". I believe religious systems are useful, but I
           | agree with the parent that concepts like the afterlife are
           | absurd concepts used to alleviate existential dread. Maybe
           | this utility means it isn't absurd, but I would say that many
           | religions don't have the concept of an afterlife, so other
           | less-absurd concepts may provide the same functionality
           | without the same cognitive distortions.
        
             | feanaro wrote:
             | If you take a step back, it is a great and profoundly
             | absurd mystery that there is existence at all.
             | 
             | So given this background absurdity, how do you even
             | delineate what's absurd and what's not, when it comes to
             | concepts relating to the nature of existence itself? It's
             | certainly fashionable to attempt putting everything in
             | terms such as "cognitive distortions", but it's not clear
             | it's sound reasoning when it comes to things like this.
             | 
             | And I say this as a rather staunch irreligious person.
        
             | thinkingemote wrote:
             | Some might view something as a mystery that another views
             | as an absurdity. I think a mystery is more interesting and
             | less ... (Edits: hmm I don't know what the word is.)
        
               | brutusborn wrote:
               | In this case I think that the mystery of life requires
               | something to avoid existential angst, and some people use
               | the afterlife as that something. Other religions (like
               | Buddhism) might view the entire question of "what is
               | this?" as absurd, and so use methods like meditation to
               | help alleviate the angst, thus avoiding absurd beliefs.
               | 
               | TLDR: the mystery isn't the absurdity but our reaction to
               | it might be absurd.
        
               | feanaro wrote:
               | Buddhism has plenty of "absurd" beliefs of this sort. If
               | anything, the delineation of "absurd" is anything but
               | simple.
        
             | dfadgasfdads wrote:
             | As you're portraying believing in the hereafter as a cope
             | for existential dread, you could say the opposite.
             | 
             | The disbeliever tries to ridicule the concept of an
             | afterlife as to allievate the dread of being held
             | accountable for their deeds on the day of judgement which
             | would likely lead them to an eternal and painful hell.
             | 
             | In Islam, it's very clearly mentioned that each individual
             | will be judged according to their deeds. There are two
             | destinations possible paradise or hellfire.
             | 
             | Other religions that came before have often tried to tone
             | down this reality by either removing accountability like
             | Chrisitanity with the concept of Jesus (peace be upon him)
             | having died for our sins or by simply removing the concept
             | of an afterlife all together.
             | 
             | The Quran clearly tells us that many prophets were sent in
             | the past with revelation but as time passed on they were
             | falsified by people. In light of this, one could easily see
             | how polytheistic religions came about.
             | 
             | In the end Islam is the last religion and it was intended
             | to be preserved which makes it unlike any other religion in
             | the world today. It has one book there a no multiple
             | different versions. It is perfectly constructed and there
             | are 0 inconsistencies and errors. No arab linguist can deny
             | that.
             | 
             | Allah sent the previous prophets specifically for their
             | nations however the last prophet Muhammad peace be upon him
             | was sent for all mankind until the end of times.
             | 
             | Give the quran a read. https://quran.com Do some research
             | on the topic. YouTube is a great ressource for this. Make
             | your own opinion.
             | 
             | In light of this, I still want to invite you to become
             | muslim. Islam answers all the questions Chrisitanity and
             | other religions couldn't. Most importantly it will save you
             | in the hereafter. I'd suggest putting your hand on a hot
             | stove (not too hot) and ponder. Do you really want
             | something like this for yourself and for eternity?
        
           | civopsec wrote:
           | > something that created us, is something almost all of us
           | have.
           | 
           | Buddhism claims that nothing created us. Samsara is
           | beginningless and wasn't architected by anything. And that's
           | just 500 billion people or so.
        
             | civopsec wrote:
             | > 500 billion people
             | 
             | * million
        
           | onei wrote:
           | Biblical lifespans seem nice, but only if you wholly believe
           | the stories. Given how often the same stories come up across
           | different civilisations, I'm sceptical they're accurate. For
           | instance, Eve picking an apple is not too dissimilar to
           | Pandora's box. The flood in Noah's lifetime is also part of
           | Babylonian myth where the protagonist was Gilgamesh. I recall
           | even the concept of hell was taken from Greek mythology -
           | notice how we call this mythology today instead of religion.
           | 
           | Answering questions like "where did we come from" and "where
           | are we going" have always existed. Passing knowledge down
           | through generations has always existed. Treating these
           | stories as gospel makes little sense to me.
        
             | stormking wrote:
             | > Biblical lifespans seem nice, but only if you wholly
             | believe the stories. Given how often the same stories come
             | up across different civilisations, I'm sceptical they're
             | accurate.
             | 
             | WTF? "Skeptical", probably not "accurate"?
             | 
             | You have to be absolutely nuts to think that they're even
             | remotely true.
        
               | ido wrote:
               | I think you're taking a humorous tone[0] too literally.
               | The poster you answer to was saying that they think the
               | biblical stories are myths/legends.
               | 
               | [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Understatement
        
               | stormking wrote:
               | I'm usually very good at detecting irony, tongue-in-cheek
               | and similar "humorous tones". I see nothing indicating it
               | here.
        
               | [deleted]
        
           | selfawareMammal wrote:
           | It's still a social construct. As knowledge and science
           | advance, the need for religion decreases and it's really on
           | us to accept there are some questions we cannot answer.
        
             | AussieWog93 wrote:
             | >As knowledge and science advance, the need for religion
             | decreases
             | 
             | Citation needed, massively!
             | 
             | If anything, the powerful technology and knowledge we now
             | wield (weapons of mass destruction, mass surveillance,
             | modern logistics and coordination, global communications)
             | only makes it more important that we don't forget the hard-
             | earned scoial and moral lessons of our pre-scientific
             | ancestors - lessons that were often encoded in evolving
             | cultural systems like religion.
        
               | tobylane wrote:
               | Humanism fills that need. It doesn't matter that it's
               | new, Islam and Christianity were new once, and corrupted
               | since.
        
               | AussieWog93 wrote:
               | There's an argument to me made that the age/popularity of
               | a belief system does correlate with validity, given that
               | their individual memes are subject to Darwinism.
               | 
               | Of course it's not everything, but I don't think humanism
               | on its own would work without an older religion as its
               | "bootstrap".
        
               | rablackburn wrote:
               | I wouldn't say it necessarily correlates with validity -
               | Darwinism is about one thing: fitness of survival.
               | 
               | I feel like if you squint a little you can see all the
               | positive-memetic adaptations that get bolted on to
               | organised religion.
               | 
               | A commandment to "worship no other god but me" is a
               | classic example of something that seems less like
               | profound revelation and more like an effective memetic
               | adaptation.
        
               | tobylane wrote:
               | I don't consider myself a humanist, but I accept that my
               | views are similar to them. I think humanism only exists
               | because the way Christianity has been promoted recently
               | forced the alternative to have a graspable answer rather
               | than "I'm a good person for my own preference".
               | 
               | UsefulChart's video on humanism may help.
               | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWhz3SXPWkg
        
               | stormking wrote:
               | > There's an argument to me made that the age/popularity
               | of a belief system does correlate with validity, given
               | that their individual memes are subject to Darwinism.
               | 
               | Absolutely not, because the fitness, in an evolutionary
               | sense, of those memes does not correlate with their
               | truthfulness but with how easy they are to believe
               | because they appeal to our fears, hopes and dreams.
               | 
               | Take that "life after death" trope. The hard truth is
               | that there isn't any, when you die, everything that made
               | up "you" will be gone for good. But no religion based on
               | that truth would ever thrive because the thought is just
               | too scary and bleak.
        
               | fsflover wrote:
               | Why should one choose humanism instead of personal
               | prosperity (egoism)? Religions have an answer. Humanism
               | AFAIK doesn't.
        
               | lgas wrote:
               | What is religions' answer? "Because Sky daddy said so"?
        
               | AussieWog93 wrote:
               | If "Sky Daddy" is the literal creator of the Earth who
               | gave direct commands to mankind, then that alone is a
               | pretty valid reason.
               | 
               | If he isn't, then he's a powerful (yet imaginary) social
               | construct that has evolved over the past 4,000 years to
               | encode the wisdom of many past generations through a set
               | of rules and stories that happen to match up with the
               | stories and rules of many other cultures. It's also an
               | incredibly fast and low-cost way to reach a solution.
               | 
               | Either way, there's definitely some validity to the
               | claims of any major religion.
        
               | Lionga wrote:
               | The claim of black or gay people beeing inferior had been
               | there for more than 4000 years. Does that give any
               | validity to you?
        
               | AussieWog93 wrote:
               | I'm not sure these views are as consistent as you say
               | they are.
               | 
               | The Atlantic slave trade started in the 1500s and ended
               | in the 1800s. Even then, it was controversial and faces
               | opposition from certain Church groups (while getting
               | support from others).
               | 
               | Vilification of gays based on Christian religious grounds
               | apparently goes back to the 11th century (based on a
               | quick read of Wikipedia, TBF), and is only starting to
               | come undone now. I don't really have an answer for this,
               | it was unfortunate.
        
               | stormking wrote:
               | The answer is a family of simple heuristics like the
               | "Golden Rule", "tit-for-tat" etc.
        
               | fsflover wrote:
               | I don't think it works well, or better than religion for
               | many people.
        
               | stormking wrote:
               | How did you come to the conclusion that religion works at
               | all?
        
               | fsflover wrote:
               | I know people who based their view of the world based on
               | the religion.
        
               | weatherlite wrote:
               | In the West is it even debatable that christianity is on
               | a decline? As for the muslim world its more mixed but I
               | do think the younger genereation is less religious than
               | the older ones. It has a long way to go though till we
               | can say its a secularized society.
        
               | lotsofpulp wrote:
               | "Religious-ness" has two contexts. One is for
               | philosophical purposes, where a person agrees with a set
               | of assumptions (aka beliefs).
               | 
               | The other context is as a tribal marker, for practical
               | purposes. In this context, the "religiousness" is not
               | about agreeing with the set of assumptions, but
               | pretending to agree and/or going through the motions of
               | various customs as a signal of how committed they are to
               | the tribe.
               | 
               | In societies where individuals need to rely less on the
               | tribe, it might be posited that there is less reason for
               | people to put on a show for the latter reason, so they
               | can afford to be less "religious". So if, on average,
               | children of Christians are more likely to be economically
               | independent, then they may tend to being less religious,
               | and children of Muslims, who are more likely to be
               | economically dependent on each other, tend to be more
               | religious.
        
               | jstimpfle wrote:
               | Taking Christianity specifically as that's the only
               | religion I know at least a little.
               | 
               | A lot of the more specific day-to-day life advice in
               | those texts are outdated because they're based on
               | societal circumstances of the time, which have changed by
               | now. Or they are explanations of phenomena that we have a
               | much better grasp on now. Or they make claims that are
               | implausible given today's understanding.
               | 
               | Religions teach us some valuable high-level concepts,
               | like love and compassion. Those values are extremely
               | important, but also not terribly interesting. You can
               | totally arrive at them through other means.
               | 
               | I don't see how those high-level values help at solving
               | modern crises of global scale. Believers searching for
               | specific advise on modern day problems need to work hard
               | and read though a lot of "code" to find a few nuggets -
               | ultimately failing to get specific enough answers.
               | 
               | If I do a web search on what the bible says to
               | homosexuality, for instance, I get walls of text
               | discussing precious few bible verses. In effect the
               | bible, being what it is, allows those in charge to impose
               | their individual preferences and opinions on their
               | believers by means of laying out suitable interpretations
               | of the code.
               | 
               | I am tempted to conclude that there is less collected
               | wisdom in the bible than you might think, and more
               | potential for harm than you like to admit.
        
               | anhner wrote:
               | Ah yes, the hard earned social lesson of not wearing
               | mixed fibers. Or not allowing women on their period to
               | share the bed of their husband.
        
               | AussieWog93 wrote:
               | Please don't make comments like this on HN.
               | 
               | Nobody was making the argument that extremely specific
               | religious quirks like this are encode knowledge important
               | to the wise use of modern technology.
        
               | Lionga wrote:
               | It is valueable as the comments shows so easily how wrong
               | religions get it, when many take religions as truths
        
               | AussieWog93 wrote:
               | That's a valid comment to make - religions do get things
               | wrong, but GP is plain old "look how smart I am"
               | strawmanning.
               | 
               | It doesn't make the discourse more interesting or
               | enlightening, and frankly doesn't belong on this site.
        
               | anhner wrote:
               | On the contrary, I think comments that push religion as
               | some kind of romantic enlightenment of the past as
               | opposed to science are the ones that don't belong on this
               | site.
        
               | Lionga wrote:
               | You deciding what belongs or does not belong here, what
               | is allowed to be said or what is interesting or
               | enlightening is the terror tactic almost all religions
               | used to suppres people and ideas they do not like
        
               | stormking wrote:
               | Oh cut the crap, religious stories are fairytales and
               | everyone knows it. And religious "truths" are either
               | trivialities or simply not true at all.
        
             | Nomentatus wrote:
             | As the unit cost of destruction constantly decreases,
             | logarithmically; we might guess instead that keeping the
             | mental attitudes of individual actors in line is more
             | important as tech surges forward. If you have a better
             | method than religion to do this (and I don't discount the
             | possibility) do drop a description of that.
             | 
             | "Humanism" highly correlates with lock sales worldwide as
             | far as I can tell. It's not defense at all vs drug
             | addiction. Humans feel great when drugged up.
        
         | AussieWog93 wrote:
         | "Life is short" isn't meant to be a philosophically rigorous,
         | consistent logical statement.
         | 
         | It's just a common saying that's meant to remind us that we
         | have a tendency to spend huge amounts of time and emergy on
         | things that ultimately don't matter, and hopefully sometimes
         | short-circuit the thought process that causes us to do this.
        
           | the_af wrote:
           | PG seems to be putting it in very concrete terms. For
           | example, he mentions spending only 8 Christmas with a young
           | kid who feels it's "magical". 8, he argues, is an objectively
           | small number for lots of human experiences, like "8 books" or
           | "8 times I dined my favorite meal".
        
         | ElFitz wrote:
         | > If anything, human life got remarkably longer in the last
         | century.
         | 
         | Well, yes and no. That we live longer than our ancestors seems
         | obvious and is a very common belief.
         | 
         | And average life expectancy has indeed increased.
         | 
         | But it really isn't that clear cut.
         | 
         | For example: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181002-how-
         | long-did-anc...
        
           | keewee7 wrote:
           | Everytime someone posts the correct fact that average
           | lifespan has drastically increased in the past century
           | someone will wrongly claim that it is only because we got
           | better at lowering child morbidity. They might even link to
           | the garbage BBC article that only looks at data for rich
           | privileged people who did indeed live long lives centuries
           | ago. However the rich and privileged of old times were not
           | representative of the general population.
           | 
           | Why do people so aggressively deny that things have been
           | getting better in the past 100 years?
        
           | jaakl wrote:
           | The only thing what has changed is childhood mortality. If
           | you take statistical lifetime of most animals (say frogs) and
           | count in all offspring with hope to describe their average
           | life duration then it would be low number of seconds. Human
           | as such seems to have always same lifespan programmed in,
           | just natural early mortality has been taken away. Basic
           | statistical bias. Does almost removed early mortality really
           | make our species stronger/better is another question. Removal
           | of one natural survival test may have its own consequences.
        
             | okaram wrote:
             | Definitely not the only thing. Maternal mortality is
             | another big thing. War, famine, malnutrition....
             | 
             | Although the max age hasn't increased, the proportion of
             | people who reach it has.
        
               | jaakl wrote:
               | There are other factors too, sure. But I'd like to remind
               | here that wars killing people too soon are still a thing,
               | now even in the Global North. If you have any means to
               | help to bring end closer to these current issues, please
               | do so.
               | 
               | We have tech community (some of them YC alumni)
               | delivering essential equipment (trucks, generators) to
               | the chrisis zone for example. Today west seems to be
               | already tired of the news and this is exactly what the
               | conflict starter counts on.
        
             | watwut wrote:
             | This is not true. Humans died on injuries and sickness that
             | are easily treatable now. They used to be more frequent and
             | deadly.
             | 
             | Humans got frequently born with disabilities because
             | malnutrition in pregnancy (like a lack of iodine) that just
             | don't happen anymore in West.
             | 
             | There were whole classes of these issues that killed people
             | and just don't exist anymore.
        
               | jaakl wrote:
               | In the other hand they were not dying from technology
               | induced accidents, like traffic :) Sure it is
               | simplification, but the point is that statistical average
               | life duration and total lifespan of adult person have
               | quite weak correlations.
               | 
               | Actually even now these early years are most risky ones,
               | just the scale is different. Now I have witnesses bias
               | here also - in my 40ies I can expect to live 50 years
               | more, very different from a newborn with immediate
               | terminal condition. So lifespan does have different
               | meaning for us.
        
               | watwut wrote:
               | It does not cancels out. It is not just simplification,
               | you have to grossly overestimate traffic deaths now and
               | underestimate accidental deaths in the past. (Basically
               | regardless of when and where you place "the past".)
               | 
               | > Actually even now these early years are most risky
               | ones, just the scale is different.
               | 
               | Babies mortality used to be huge too. And maternal
               | mortality used to be huge by our standards too.
        
               | dorfsmay wrote:
               | People used to die from transportation, drowning when
               | crossing rivers, accidents around horses, etc... were
               | very frequent. Safety codes are fairly modern.
        
           | 10x_contrarian wrote:
           | I feel it's destructive for people to hold this incorrect
           | belief. People living into their 60s and 70s was very common
           | for all of recorded history. By ignoring this, modern people
           | are less incentivized to criticize and challenge their modern
           | lives and the societies we live within.
        
             | stavros wrote:
             | Nobody says no people lived to their 70s. Just like the
             | fact that people live to their 100s now doesn't mean that
             | it doesn't matter if _most_ people live to their 100s.
             | 
             | Then again, I'd rather be young for 50 years than old for
             | 70.
        
             | watwut wrote:
             | Average person lives longer new. Literally deadly diseases
             | are non-issues now. Whole classes of malnutrition related
             | disabilities that used to be frequent basically don't exist
             | anymore, to the point where many people don't even know it
             | existed.
        
         | thewakalix wrote:
         | I wouldn't want to die tomorrow. Is that desire "objective
         | reality" or not? If it is, how is that different from not
         | wanting to die a century from now?
        
           | verzeichnis wrote:
           | The other comment was about disregarding reality, not about
           | wanting to die.
           | 
           | Most people don't want to die tomorrow, at the same time we
           | need to come to terms with the fact that we age and that our
           | time is ultimately limited.
           | 
           | Which is an objective reality.
           | 
           | As I grow older, I am discovering that life has different
           | chapters. Each with their benefits and challenges. The other
           | comment is talking about us as a society failing to integrate
           | and value each chapter and instead focusing on youth and
           | youth alone. There is nothing desirable in age for western
           | societies (probably others too, I just don't know enough).
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | emadabdulrahim wrote:
       | Life is finite. Long or short is all relative and depends on your
       | state of mind.
        
       | do_nothing wrote:
       | This is the way.
        
       | davidmpaz wrote:
       | > If you're a freelancer or a small company, you can do this at
       | the level of individual customers. If you fire or avoid toxic
       | customers, you can decrease the amount of bullshit in your life
       | by more than you decrease your income.
       | 
       | This have been proven true to me so many times!
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | Invictus0 wrote:
       | Life is not short [0]: we just waste most of it.
       | 
       | [0] https://dkb.show/post/life-is-not-short
        
       | HellDunkel wrote:
       | Started reading then realized it is def. too short to waste on
       | pgs thoughts.
        
         | stormking wrote:
         | It obviously isn't too short to leave a mean comment
        
           | testmasterflex wrote:
           | :D
        
       | GMoromisato wrote:
       | I never feared death until I had children. Yes, life is short,
       | and you don't even get to know exactly how short.
        
       | Jugurtha wrote:
       | For anyone wondering why it is "vb.html", it certainly comes from
       | "vita brevis" (life is short), often used as "Ars longa, vita
       | brevis", which references Hippocrates[0]:
       | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ars_longa,_vita_brevis
       | 
       | """
       | 
       | Vita brevis,
       | 
       | ars longa,
       | 
       | occasio praeceps,
       | 
       | experimentum periculosum,
       | 
       | iudicium difficile.
       | 
       | """
       | 
       | """
       | 
       | Life is short,
       | 
       | and art long,
       | 
       | opportunity fleeting,
       | 
       | experimentations perilous,
       | 
       | and judgment difficult.
       | 
       | """
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | dynamite-ready wrote:
       | Key point I think the article misses, is that 'bullshit', much
       | like spacetime, is relative.
        
         | passion__desire wrote:
         | What did the Leviathan of Parsonstown teach
         | us?https://www.youtube.com/shorts/mQhBEw3gjSk
         | 
         | I don't know what the above youtube short means for Gettier
         | problem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gettier_problem
         | 
         | Any thoughts?
        
       | robg wrote:
       | Another stat I read recently: Parents spend ~75% of their child's
       | life with them before the age of 12. Puts into perspective the
       | good and bad influences long before they fly from the nest.
        
         | user5678 wrote:
         | [dead]
        
         | jmathai wrote:
         | I was explaining to my 12yo son when he wanted to play video
         | games instead of hanging with the family that I only had 6 more
         | Christmas eves while he lives at home.
        
           | quickthrower2 wrote:
           | Cousins is the solution: kids get bored hanging around with
           | olders talking about interest rates etc. Mixed age play
           | amongst kids is magic.
        
           | ckaygusu wrote:
           | It's really not a great argument considering that's all he
           | had.
        
             | [deleted]
        
           | imtringued wrote:
           | Children live with their parents until their thirties
           | nowadays. You mean he still has another 18 Christmas eves
           | left.
           | 
           | That is why life is short. The barriers to young people are
           | growing bigger and bigger. Their adult lives keep getting
           | shorter faster than their lifespan increases.
           | 
           | 80 years is not a short period of time by any stretch of the
           | imagination.
        
             | Nomentatus wrote:
             | The lifetime of a galaxy isn't that much different than 80
             | years, right? Right? As Lincoln said, everyone's legs are
             | long enough to reach the ground; but even so, mine are
             | short compared to his.
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | FpUser wrote:
       | [flagged]
        
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