[HN Gopher] Ask HN: What is the best advice you received in 2022?
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       Ask HN: What is the best advice you received in 2022?
        
       I am a believer I can learn from anywhere and I thought I can ask
       HN folks to share what they learned or received advice that had
       profound impact. For me, be relentless in saying NO to things. It
       came from a trusted friend when I was complaining about overworked
       at my workplace.
        
       Author : rammy1234
       Score  : 82 points
       Date   : 2022-12-17 17:16 UTC (5 hours ago)
        
       | aaws11 wrote:
       | be really good at what you do.
        
       | sainib wrote:
       | Bear with me. It may sounds little cliche, may be mildly cheesy.
       | 
       | I had a self realization and received the advice from myself
       | during one of my "zen state pondering" that - being in the best
       | shape of my health with improve EVERYTHING by 10x in my life.
       | 
       | A technologist for 24 years. Almost got my last product startup
       | acquired in 2014 by a (back then) 500 million USD company. I have
       | been obese for 15 years.
       | 
       | I have lost 30 pounds in last 4 months and now lifting and
       | working out 4 days a week(I try 5 days). I look forward to
       | working out now. I feel so much more energetic and elevated state
       | of awareness. Everything is already so much better.
        
         | rammy1234 wrote:
         | Awesome and is there anything particular you took to reduce
         | weight ? Or was it a whole lifestyle change ?
        
         | vl wrote:
         | I'll add to this advice: work out every day. It's way easier to
         | do it this way. If you go for few large workouts, it's easy to
         | skip and easy to slip. With small workout every day you know
         | you have to do it and it can't be pushed out from the schedule.
         | 
         | Corollary to this, remove friction for starting a workout. I.e.
         | get equipment to your abode/office so you can start working out
         | in 2 minutes.
         | 
         | And also: there are a lot of great work out sessions on
         | YouTube. Dumbbells, yoga, stretching, etc.
         | 
         | And also also: if you don't know where to start, just pay for
         | personal trainer.
        
           | heresjohnny wrote:
           | While solid advice, working out everyday can lead to
           | overtraining. Happened to me and it's not fun. Doing some
           | yoga every day: yes. Heavy squats: no, please no.
        
             | robcohen wrote:
             | Overtraining is a concern, but I've previously done 7x per
             | week heavy weightlifting and it's fine so long as you cycle
             | through different body parts and listen to your body. In
             | the Marine Corps I'd usually work out 3x a day 5 days a
             | week and 1x per day on the weekends. Granted I was in my
             | 20s then, but I think what matters more than "preemptively
             | not overtraining" is just listening to your body. Most
             | people go way too heavy for their goals. I've found that's
             | really unnecessary and counterproductive, but exercising
             | often is fine.
        
               | nextlevelwizard wrote:
               | Usually when people tell me they are going heavy more
               | than 3 times per week they usually arent going _that_
               | hard, just because it is hard to recover that fast.
        
               | generalenvelope wrote:
               | Emphasis on listen to your body. Plugging because I'm
               | such a big fan, Barbell Medicine has changed my life in
               | terms of understanding training/injury risk based on
               | actual evidence. If you haven't tried it, highly
               | recommend RPE based training. It's refreshing to realize
               | that you don't need to go super hard to make serious
               | progress. And like you're describing, it can often set
               | you back. There's a fatigue cost to every stimulus and
               | it's all about balancing those to get the desired
               | adaptations.
        
               | polishdude20 wrote:
               | Another thing Ive learned from them is that if something
               | hurts or I have pain that isn't caused by physical
               | damage, it's most likely fine to lift. Usually lifting
               | actually helps any back pain.
               | 
               | A few weeks back I tweaked my back just while laying down
               | for some reason. Hurt like hell getting up. Next day,
               | still painful, did some light squats. During the squats
               | the pain didn't get any worse. So I added more weight.
               | Less pain. More weight, less pain. Until I got to my
               | working set for the day and nailed it. The back pain got
               | better and it was all fine.
               | 
               | Now the lifting may not have had any effect on the pain.
               | It could have just gone away on its own. I'll never know.
               | But the point being that the pain didn't indicate a
               | structural damage that was dangerous. Lifting probably
               | also helped my mind make that distinction.
        
             | vl wrote:
             | My strategy is to go for variety. I do weights one day,
             | cardio other day.
        
         | VeninVidiaVicii wrote:
         | It doesn't sound as cliche as you think -- in my opinion the
         | problem is prioritizing yourself over your productivity.
         | 
         | I'm a geneticist with a unique set of analytical skills that
         | keeps me tied up in dozens of projects at a time, and my health
         | is always the thing I let slide.
         | 
         | Whenever I finally decide to workout, I tell myself, "I'll
         | never let that much time go by between workouts again." Then
         | invariably, I don't have time.
         | 
         | How did you overcome that?
        
           | emadabdulrahim wrote:
           | They way I overcame that is by realizing that working out is
           | essential to my mental health. I wanted to level up my
           | baseline of overall well-being so that my worst days are not
           | that bad. Which means I can bounce quickly from setbacks.
           | Where in the past I'd have recurring periods where find
           | myself spiraling downwards.
           | 
           | Working out keeps me sharp at work which is cognitivly
           | demanding and requires high levels of creativety and problem
           | solving. From that angle, I take it seriously as core part of
           | my day and my identity.
           | 
           | Overtime I started to enjoy doing hard thing in and of
           | itself. Which is changing my life beyond what I could
           | imagine.
        
           | sainib wrote:
           | Thanks for your comments.
           | 
           | Over last 15 years, I have tried to loose weight and sooner
           | or later I ran into - "I dont have time" or "this customer
           | proposal is more important" syndrome. Derailed my effort.
           | Before I knew I was back to or worse than where I started.
           | 
           | I feel different this time. Its almost as important as eating
           | everyday to stay alive. As important as having work to earn
           | bread for family.
           | 
           | Being analytical, I have tried hard to find whats different
           | this time. I dont think I have exact understanding but here
           | are some factors that I came up during my pondering .
           | 
           | - Something just triggers this mindset where working out
           | becomes a part of you. Almost a necessary activity like
           | taking a bath. You can skip a day or two but it starts to
           | smell and feel like you MUST do it.
           | 
           | - I feel the trigger has one or more the following components
           | : 1) WHO - You do it for someone. It could be you yourself,
           | family, kids, grandkids, girlfriend. 2) You have a strong
           | realization that LIFE is finite & You want to have a better
           | and longer life. 3) You are FED UP with _something_.
           | 
           | - Goal setting & how your mind processes goals - In past, my
           | goals had a finish line. Like - "I want to loose weight" or
           | "I want to run a half marathon". I was able to achieve those
           | goals and almost soon after that my mind was like: "That's it
           | man. We are done. Lets go back to default mode" (busy work,
           | less active life style). This time my goal is - I WILL LIVE
           | REST OF MY LIFE IN A HEALTHY MANNER. There is no end date or
           | finish line. The results do not matter. I dont have goals to
           | loose 2 pounds every week. I just do what I need to do to
           | live healthy.
           | 
           | - There is also realization that EVERYONE must go through
           | pain and pay with money and time, for your health. You do it
           | in Gym or Doctor's office. You chose.
           | 
           | - Accountability was a big factor for me. In past, I would
           | start but drop off at some point. This time I hired a gym-
           | owner fitness trainer (awesome guy). My net investment is
           | less than 3K a year. I go to him 2 days a week. Just that
           | will easily help me live at least a year longer (keeping all
           | other factors same). Whats the value of one year of time for
           | me? Priceless. 3K is dirt cheap.
           | 
           | I can go on. I have been taking notes in a google doc with a
           | hope to covert that into a eBook someday. I have thoughts
           | from so many different perspectives, that I feel can help
           | others too.
        
           | vl wrote:
           | Do a small workout every day and do it first thing in the
           | morning.
           | 
           | This way you know you have to do it every day and it takes
           | priority above everything else - if you don't have health,
           | how are you going to do other stuff you want to do?
        
         | mattfields wrote:
         | congrats. That's a brave admission, and it took some hard work.
         | 
         | Thanks for sharing :-)
        
       | cperciva wrote:
       | "It gets better. Girls love their daddies eventually."
       | 
       | As the father of a 20 month old, this year has been rough; she
       | wants Mommy all the time and now that she's mobile there's not
       | much I can do about it short of physically restraining her.
       | 
       | At the end of November she finally decided that I wasn't
       | completely terrible; I went to Vegas for re:Invent and she was
       | going from room to room looking for me. She still wants Mommy
       | more, but Daddy has moved up a step from "unwanted intruder" to
       | "somebody we take for granted but miss when he's gone".
        
         | ajonit wrote:
         | Little daughters are God's way to show us mini-heaven on Earth.
        
         | robertlagrant wrote:
         | Due to Covid I was around much more during my daughter's early
         | years than my son's. It's been fantastic to get closer to her
         | than I could to my son due to working.
        
           | cperciva wrote:
           | I've been around all this time -- in fact, I work from home
           | while my wife goes out to work -- but that doesn't change the
           | fact that I'm the mean parent who doesn't give her milk.
           | 
           | I think the big change a few weeks ago was her finally
           | understanding that Daddy is something other than "Mommy who
           | doesn't have milk".
        
         | floppydiskette wrote:
         | My dad did try "physically restraining me" by grabbing me
         | before I could run to my mom after I would creep down the
         | stairs in the morning to avoid him. It did not make things
         | better so I would not recommend it, haha. I'm sure it was
         | frustrating for him.
         | 
         | Anyway, thirty years later we're good, and I would go to my dad
         | way before my mom to talk about any sort of personal issue and
         | such. Of course, every situation is different, hopefully it
         | won't take you nearly as long as it did for us.
         | 
         | I have found in my personal relationships in the past few years
         | that the more I let go and stop trying to control things or
         | take it personally when someone doesn't act the way I'd like,
         | the better it all goes. Of course, for some people that means
         | the relationship drops off entirely, but for the more important
         | ones they got a lot better.
        
           | cperciva wrote:
           | To be clear, the only physical restraining I do is "Mommy
           | needs to go to work now so Daddy is going to pick you up so
           | you don't try to chase her down the stairs". She knows she
           | can't walk down the stairs on her own but sometimes forgets
           | when she gets excited.
        
         | pyuser583 wrote:
         | Thank you! This means a lot!
        
         | dchuk wrote:
         | I only have one child (3.5 years old), but with my own
         | experience as well as what I've talked to many people about,
         | Dads basically spend the first 2 years loving their child but
         | primarily supporting Mom, because the kid is so dependent on
         | mom (literally physically for a period of time too).
         | 
         | Once you get to 2+ and language starts developing, your bond
         | with the kid will skyrocket. Come up with good ideas for
         | adventures with them and they'll love you the way you're hoping
         | they will.
        
           | logifail wrote:
           | > Dads basically spend the first 2 years loving their child
           | but primarily supporting Mom, because the kid is so dependent
           | on mom (literally physically for a period of time too)
           | 
           | FWIW although this might be common, it's not always true.
           | 
           | My wife went back to work about four months after our eldest
           | was born (her choice, no pressure from employer), I was
           | working from home - and flexibly - and so I got a lot of
           | quality time with him until he was 18 months and started at
           | daycare. That including us attending the local "mother and
           | baby" group (yes, it was called that) together.
           | 
           | After we had two further kids, both of which I also took to
           | "mother and baby" group, they finally renamed the group ;)
        
             | 1auralynn wrote:
             | Yeah I think it's sometimes just about time spent. I have a
             | 15 month old and my husband and he have always had a strong
             | bond because he's around all the time: He works from home,
             | has more flexible work than me, and I have an office 10 min
             | away that I go to.
        
         | wojciii wrote:
         | I recently started getting hugs and kisses from my 2 year old
         | daughter when I pick her up from daycare. She still likes her
         | mother more than me but at least she started tolerating me
         | instead of crying as she did before. :D
         | 
         | I had the same "issue" with my son which is older. The issues
         | went away after some time after we started to communicate
         | (using words).
         | 
         | Kids are great.
        
         | ROTMetro wrote:
         | Fun thing I came up with with my daughter. Our own secret
         | communication. She could hold my hand and squeeze once for yes,
         | twice for no. So for example, if her mom and I were discussing
         | where to eat lunch, she could squeeze once on the place she
         | wanted, twice on places she didn't. She expanded on it in time.
        
       | sideshowb wrote:
       | I was advised that generic advice isn't useful
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | blackbear_ wrote:
         | Hm, I cannot decide whether this advice is useful or not
        
         | mejutoco wrote:
         | The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on
         | 
         | Oscar Wilde
        
         | aaws11 wrote:
         | generic advice is useful, as long as you know how to apply it
         | in the right scenarios. else it's just mental mastication
        
       | Gatsky wrote:
       | "I've given a lot of thought to the optimal use of my time, and I
       | simply do best operating by myself."
       | 
       | Just hearing someone extremely successful with effectively
       | limitless resources say this, hearing that this is OK.
        
       | tomalaci wrote:
       | I used to worry a lot about my future relative to where I
       | currently was. Then I noticed that the grass is always greener on
       | the other side. If you are young and things just aren't working
       | out in your current position - consider moving, whether it is a
       | new position or even a new place, at the very least you will get
       | a new perspective and experience.
        
       | kace91 wrote:
       | Every time you want to say "x is wrong", say "I think x has
       | problem y" and either offer a solution for y or ask how it could
       | be solved.
       | 
       | Advice at work by a manager. It makes discussions less
       | confrontational, and I found that, regardless of whether it helps
       | the discussion, it helps me keep a positive mood.
        
         | int0x80 wrote:
         | I find this as being indirect and dancing around the issue.
         | When I do e.g. a code review and I see a glaring defect on it -
         | I point it out very clearly and directly to make sure there is
         | no misunderstanding - I say, XYZ is incorrect. Because of blah-
         | blah. No feelings attached to it, just a fact.
        
           | Cyph0n wrote:
           | That's fine, but only as long as "blah-blah" explains why the
           | code is _objectively_ incorrect. I usually start by writing
           | out the explanation to help with phrasing the review comment.
        
           | barbarbar wrote:
           | Maybe it would be better if you worked alone then. The advice
           | you are responding to is much better.
        
       | pkoird wrote:
       | A productivity problem is not always psychological, often it's
       | physiological (sleep, inflammation, nutrition) as well.
       | 
       | By my PCP. Seriously, go get checked (and presumably treated) for
       | Vit D/B12 deficiency, sleep issues, and inflammations and it
       | might change your life.
        
       | inetsee wrote:
       | This is not something from 2022. I read it decades ago and it has
       | stuck with me all this time.
       | 
       | "Wishing without work, is like fishing without bait."
        
       | theawless wrote:
       | "The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!"
       | -Ted Jr.
        
       | thn-gap wrote:
       | "Everything has a value".
       | 
       | Earlier this year I was drunk at a bar, using the urinal while
       | staring at the wall in front of me, which was full of stickers
       | and scribbles. Then I saw this message, written by who knows who,
       | and it really stuck with me.
        
       | qup wrote:
       | https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrasti...
       | 
       | It's old, but timeless, and I found it last month.
       | 
       | Naming these concepts has made them easier to identify and has
       | put me back in the driver's seat
        
         | floppydiskette wrote:
         | Thanks for this! I've never read it. I can relate a lot. I
         | immediately bought a plushie of the Panic Monster.
        
         | SturgeonsLaw wrote:
         | Nice, an article I can read instead of cleaning the house!
        
         | llanowarelves wrote:
         | One man's procrastination is another man's prioritization.
        
         | loganc2342 wrote:
         | Thank you so much for sharing this, I had never seen it before
         | and it hit home more than any article I've ever read.
        
           | qup wrote:
           | Now bitch slap the monkey
        
       | schappim wrote:
       | "use Dalle-2 to create concepts of what you want and then bring
       | those concepts to a designer" this saves so much time and
       | communication overhead in the design process. "I want the design
       | to be similar to this"
        
       | p1nkpineapple wrote:
       | "If you keep planning your whole life out like this, you're going
       | to end up miserable".
       | 
       | I spontaneously proposed to my girlfriend last night. She said
       | yes :)
        
         | schappim wrote:
         | Congratulations man!
        
       | mif wrote:
       | ,,What got you to this level won't get you to the next."
       | 
       | To me it basically means that if you want to become a better
       | version of yourself you have to make changes.
        
       | electrondood wrote:
       | You have to go first. If you don't make it happen, it doesn't
       | happen.
       | 
       | This is especially true in adults relationships. If you don't put
       | yourself out there and voluntarily assume the risk of going
       | first, risking rejection, etc. then nothing is going to happen.
       | Other people are not going to call you to hang out.
        
         | SCUSKU wrote:
         | I think you're right about this. Regarding people not calling
         | you to hang out though, I do think once you achieve a certain
         | critical mass of relationship building (usually within a group
         | setting) you will end up getting reciprocal invitations. But
         | like you said, you have to put in the work first before you get
         | to reap those rewards.
        
           | mach1ne wrote:
           | That's also about how much you give to others. I find that if
           | I am at my 'normal' energy level I receive few reciprocal
           | invitations. But if I deliberately give off 'high-energy'
           | it's like people have found a button which they can press to
           | have fun, and I receive nothing but invitations. The thing
           | is, it's generally not fun for me to be high-energy.
        
         | flappyeagle wrote:
         | This includes breaking up
        
       | foruhar wrote:
       | Whatever you resist persists. Thinking about not wanting to be
       | overweight makes me feel bad and defeated. Thinking about wanting
       | to get fit gives me a sense of hope, and agency. Put another way
       | thinking about what I don't want begs the question of what do I
       | want and then I can put energy into that. Of course this does not
       | apply to everything e.g. certain chronic diseases.
        
       | noloblo wrote:
       | from a old saying: a bird in hand is worth two in the bush
        
       | RyanShook wrote:
       | "Your mind is prone to misinterpret situations and your thinking
       | does not always reflect reality."
       | 
       | -Rewire Your Anxious Brain https://amzn.to/3B3muZ9
        
       | awillen wrote:
       | If something needs to be done, and it takes less than two minutes
       | to do, just do it right now.
        
         | aaws11 wrote:
         | the problem is when it takes way longer than you thought it
         | would and then you feel regrets for why you started in the
         | first place.
         | 
         | kinda like going down the rabbit-hole of building an automated
         | solution to save 15 minutes of manual data entry
        
           | awillen wrote:
           | That's why I stick to two minutes... this is about washing
           | that dish instead of leaving it in the sink rather than
           | problem solving.
        
             | aaws11 wrote:
             | eat that frog. gotcha!
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | katzgrau wrote:
       | Be unapologetically authentic.
       | 
       | Came from one of my employees.
       | 
       | Always struggled with being who I think the world will allow me
       | to be as opposed to the person I am. I flip flop between those
       | two states. That said, I think many of us do.
       | 
       | Not to be confused with allowing undesirable behaviors to run
       | free, of course. I'm mindful of being the kind of person I want
       | to be too.
       | 
       | Some things just feel easier when you're just being yourself and
       | you choose not to give a shit what others think. It seems more
       | attractive and confident.
       | 
       | It can feel scary because you somehow feel like you're putting
       | your life situation or identity at risk. But I guess I've never
       | been good at predicting the future anyway. Might as well be
       | myself.
        
         | Simon_O_Rourke wrote:
         | > Be unapologetically authentic.
         | 
         | That would have me fired within 24 to 48 hours max. I'm a
         | caustic potty-mouthed cynic outside of work, but have to
         | basically hide a good portion of my authentic self in order to
         | continue picking up a paycheck.
        
           | Gud wrote:
           | Perhaps you are not supposed to be employed? Or perhaps you
           | are not supposed to be potty-mouthed and cynical?
        
             | Simon_O_Rourke wrote:
             | Supposed to be? I don't get who's supposed to do the
             | supposing?
        
         | andrewem wrote:
         | If you don't mind my asking, how has your life unfolded as a
         | result of following that advice?
        
       | muertos3 wrote:
       | People have two lives. First one starts when you're born. Second
       | one starts when you realize you just have one!
       | 
       | If you cannot manage yourself, then how can you manage the world?
       | 
       | These two are the best advices I received in 2022. To be honest,
       | I gave them to me after reading something close to them in the
       | same week.
        
       | victorbojica wrote:
       | Not really an advice, but this [1] completely changed the way I
       | look and try so solve problems.
       | 
       | Basically, most of the things that are put in place have a reason
       | behind it. You don't have to agree with the reason, but you must
       | understand it before trying to solve a problem.
       | 
       | [1]: https://fs.blog/chestertons-fence/
        
       | compacct27 wrote:
       | Think by writing. Someone on HN said this and recommended "How to
       | take smart notes", which I furiously read through and applied to
       | my life.
       | 
       | That commenter said it and I'm gonna say it too: I've been able
       | to think much more deeply, thoroughly, and most importantly much
       | further along than my old self before doing this (and even
       | further than my coworkers in ways that has already paid off).
       | 
       | One day I really went off on it and wrote out my thoughts for 4
       | hours on some important technical ideas I've been ruminating on.
       | Not in one big doc, either, but using Obsidian to connect my
       | ideas to each other. I used those ideas to knock out a massive
       | technical problem we were having at work with half a day's
       | effort. Found a quick win swimming around in my head.
       | 
       | It's been a game changer.
       | 
       | Edit: I found the original comment!! Read it, there's two other
       | books there that have supercharged my life. Probably the most
       | influential comment I've read on HN
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33594264
        
         | mach1ne wrote:
         | How much of that value derived was thanks to Obsidian? I work
         | with pen-and-paper notes, is it worth the shift?
        
           | compacct27 wrote:
           | A lot more than I expected. What I liked is that I could
           | easily connect thoughts written down on separate notes. Lots
           | of "oh hey...I could use this approach I outlined over
           | there", connecting sometimes 6 separate ideas under a new
           | roof.
           | 
           | I was skeptical bc I'm huge on pen and paper, but one morning
           | I just said screw it and put Obsidian on my phone. That alone
           | unleashed a torrent of thought, I think always having
           | something you can take notes on is the key. Paper isn't
           | always on you when an idea strikes. A phone typically is
        
         | spai2 wrote:
         | Could you provide a link to that post or comment?
        
           | compacct27 wrote:
           | Added it in an edit.
        
       | greggarious wrote:
       | Someone told me to kill myself, looking back maybe they were
       | throwing me a hint of what's to come :/
       | 
       | (I kid, I kid, but being told to read some stoic philosophy was
       | useful)
        
       | nextlevelwizard wrote:
       | Work health care professional hard suggested I go to ER for a
       | thing and I reluctantly went. Shit got way real only couple hours
       | later to a point where I was in so much pain I hardly could walk.
       | Luckily I was already in the ER and got emergency surgery done.
       | 
       | Yeah probably not the kind of advice OP was looking for but
       | definitely the best I have gotten for multiple years.
        
       | quantail wrote:
       | Don't drink alcohol, Don't buy unnecessary things, Get one thing
       | done a day.
        
       | kvu207 wrote:
        
       | avip wrote:
       | Not sure it's the best advice I got in 2022, but it is my
       | favorite HN comment from 2022! And it's great, period.
       | "There are no tricks, that's just a distraction. Just sit down
       | and do it. Ass in chair gets you there."
       | 
       | credit @nso95
        
         | ChildOfChaos wrote:
         | It's something I have seen from a few sources and it's
         | something I really need to 'learn' in 2023.
         | 
         | I tend to overthink a lot, to try and 'figure it out' or to
         | 'make sense of it all', but really I just need to do the things
         | that I already know need to be done, I always know things I
         | need to do, I always have the next step, but because it doesn't
         | quite feel enough or because it's not overly clear to me how
         | the parts fit together or what will happen, I will go back into
         | 'trying to figure it out mode'
         | 
         | It's depressing when I stop to think how little time I actually
         | spend doing the things that will actually make the difference
         | and move forward and how much my mind goes in circles trying to
         | figure out how I need to change to make progress, but the truth
         | likely is, I just need to do the thing, do more of it and do it
         | faster, everything else becomes an excuse.
         | 
         | In some ways it's an insecurity, because you can't know the
         | future ahead of time and you don't know how what you are doing
         | now will fully link up to what you are hoping to achieve on a
         | bigger scale, but you just have to take that leap.
        
       | calltrak wrote:
        
       | hprotagonist wrote:
       | "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do good
       | now! Walk justly now! No one is expected to complete the work,
       | but neither may any one desist from it."
        
       | s1artibartfast wrote:
       | "stop worrying and be happy" the advice actually made me quite
       | angry when I received it as I was going through a really rough
       | patch.
       | 
       | Just taking a long time to sink in and internalize, but I think
       | it's spot on. Worrying doesn't help the problems or generate
       | Solutions, it only makes it worse. Everything single thing that I
       | thought I needed to worry about can be better achieved without
       | the anguish. You can still think, plan, and act without doing it
       | from a place of fear and without the negative emotional baggage.
        
       | samsquire wrote:
       | I did receive some advice relating to the gospel about fighting
       | or letting God deal with my problems.
       | 
       | But here's my advice to you.
       | 
       | This is my command to you: love eachother.
        
         | aaws11 wrote:
         | hugs.
        
       | anyfactor wrote:
       | "Reputation takes a lifetime to build, but only seconds to
       | destroy." - Arnold Rothstein (Boardwalk Empire)
       | 
       | I will tell myself that every day. Whether it be family, work or
       | people in general, I have seen how good reputation and goodwill
       | get vanished within just one act of impulsiveness.
       | 
       | Doesn't mean I am bad. Even just a harmless tendency such as
       | curiosity, attempting to impress someone or just forcing yourself
       | to fit in, will sometimes cost so much trouble. I have become
       | comfortable of editing and deleting my ideas from the internet,
       | but that doesn't work in real life (or in emails).
       | 
       | I remind myself that, I have saved myself from so many problems
       | by restraining myself from acting. Empathy is a good technique to
       | save myself, asking myself, "how my behavior is perceived by
       | others? Have I truly listened before I came to a conclusion? Is
       | compromise an easier solution?"
       | 
       | Mediocrity is a survival technique, and it saves you from
       | yourself. It shouldn't be ostracized. People have done more harm
       | by trying to do the right thing they saw fit. Be the person who
       | is generally liked, or in the worst case scenario is forgettable.
        
         | dctoedt wrote:
         | > _Reputation takes a lifetime to build, but only seconds to
         | destroy._
         | 
         | There was a saying in the nuclear Navy: _Ten thousand attaboys
         | can get wiped out in a heartbeat by one awshit._
        
       | germinalphrase wrote:
       | "You're unhappy in your career; you need to commit to leaving
       | rather than just talking about it"
        
       | noud wrote:
       | I'm not responsible for solving other people's problems and
       | behavior.
        
         | ipnon wrote:
         | "I can fix them," famous last words ...
        
       | rffn wrote:
       | "Speak last."
       | 
       | Meaning listening to others more often than telling. In
       | particular when you lead people. Not holding back my opinion but
       | let the others contribute.
       | 
       | I particularly like the short, simple, concise statement saying
       | everything.
        
       | enduser wrote:
       | From The Crown:
       | 
       | Does it need to be said?
       | 
       | Does it need to be said now?
       | 
       | Does it need to be said by me?
        
       | aaws11 wrote:
       | love each other.
        
       | juangacovas wrote:
       | Rocky Linux 9
        
       | oshirisuki wrote:
       | if you truly want to do something, you do it
       | 
       | I don't remember who I heard it from
       | 
       | I contrast that with how some people say "I'd like to learn X
       | language" (like Japanese, or Italian, not like Rust) and they
       | don't, some languages are difficult (German comes to mind), but
       | ultimately, if you want to learn a language, you do it
        
       | barnacled wrote:
       | That it wasn't completely insane to write a book on the linux
       | memory manager.
        
       | notesinthefield wrote:
       | Ive spent a lot of time this past year becoming a community
       | mediator and learned the strongest decision a person can make is
       | the one in which they have agency creating. It's guided a lot of
       | my own decisions and helped my relationships quite a lot.
        
       | Ilasky wrote:
       | I actually got mine from "Rocketman" (I watched it a bit late):
       | 
       | "You gotta kill the person you were born to be to become the
       | person you want to be."
       | 
       | There's a lot wrapped in it: discomfort, uneasiness, and
       | determination. It's made impact from the day-to-day life level
       | (trying new things I wouldn't have before) to the large life-
       | scale (quitting my job to pursue my startup).
       | 
       | Ultimately, you just gotta go for it.
        
         | michaelbuckbee wrote:
         | Love that quote (and hadn't considered media as advice), but in
         | that vein, the TV show Severance absolutely shifted how I
         | perceive work and my separation from it.
        
         | rg111 wrote:
         | Why does this have to be true?
         | 
         | My experience with life has been different.
         | 
         | I took some elements from the person I was born to be. Only
         | some elements of careful choice.
         | 
         | This made me a better person, a better human in the long run.
         | 
         | In the short term, it made me fit well, and also reduced
         | unnecessary friction, which non-trivially helped in becoming
         | the person I wanted to be.
         | 
         |  _Killing_ is kinda like burning bridges.
        
           | SturgeonsLaw wrote:
           | Depends on where you're at, and where you want to be. I'm
           | also an incrementalist, however there are some people who are
           | stuck in a rut and would benefit from "taking the leap",
           | whatever that leap may be.
        
         | jstx1 wrote:
         | Someone else told me to be myself, now you're telling me to be
         | someone else... this thread is about as helpful as one can
         | expect a general advice thread to be.
        
           | majewsky wrote:
           | It depends on what your definition of "being yourself" is.
        
           | mekoka wrote:
           | No conflicts in the advices. Many (most?) people live their
           | life with default settings, simply going along with and never
           | questioning expectations from the world around them (the life
           | they were born to live). They're simply the instrument of a
           | self-fulfilling prophecy. To be who you want to be, you need
           | to be willing to change those default settings, even if that
           | runs counter the predictions.
        
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