[HN Gopher] Ask HN: How do you protect your children from intern...
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Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?
I'm using "internet addiction" here in a loose sense. Think of all
modern hyper-engaging online services: TikTok, MMORPGs, social
media, video games, porn, etc. I think HN users might be
especially aware of how addicting these can be, so do you take any
precautions to help your children avoid falling prey to them?
Author : Archipelagia
Score : 70 points
Date : 2022-12-16 20:01 UTC (3 hours ago)
| exabrial wrote:
| Well I'm browsing HN so.......
| spoils19 wrote:
| > Comments should get more thoughtful and substantive, not
| less, as a topic gets more divisive.
|
| Please follow the HN commenting guidelines in the future.
| AnimalMuppet wrote:
| Not sure why you're yelling at exabrial. I don't read either
| the topic or his comment as being particularly divisive.
| thenerdhead wrote:
| I think our generation is a bit lucky as we're some of the first
| who experienced internet/technology addiction. Many of us still
| have challenges with it.
|
| But that makes us more equipped to parent it. Moderation,
| appealing alternatives, technical prowess, modeling healthy
| habits, access in a public/supervised environment, etc.
|
| I do wonder what the future will look like for parental controls
| and big tech. Especially in the USA.
| shp0ngle wrote:
| I don't know if I will.
|
| I was a computer addicted kid since I was about 8, when parents
| bought me a computer in 1995. When faster internet came, in the
| late 1990s and early 2000s, I was on the internet nonstop. And
| later on social media - LiveJournal, Blogger, Flickr, YouTube,
| but also some local servers that people here won't know.
|
| I don't think it hurt me that much? Now I am a developer and
| making more money than most of my friends from that time, that
| were not sitting all day on computer.
|
| So... it would be kind of hypocritical from me to restrict my
| kids doing the same? I don't know
|
| My kids are still too young to understand computers though (1 and
| 3). So let's see
| dahdum wrote:
| Similar background here. I've been _Very Online_ for 25+ years
| and have made a pretty good life for myself as a result.
|
| However, the modern internet and current trend is much more
| consumption based and non-technical than it used to be. Toxic
| content, communities, and celebrities were always around (and
| always will be) but with so much more overall volume you can
| easily become encased in a bubble of negativity and hate.
|
| I would curate and limit access for children into their teenage
| years, say 14 or 15. After that I'd just want to know what
| they're generally up to so I could step in if, for instance, I
| had a son who started following Andrew Tate.
| aliqot wrote:
| This is a different internet than the one we had, is my own
| apprehension.
| DefineOutside wrote:
| I've been addicted to the internet since 2010. I learned a
| lot and became a developer because of modding communities and
| general PC building. I've also wasted a lot of time on reddit
| and youtube. Can't say anything productive has come out of my
| time on the phone or consoles though.
|
| It makes me wonder how the shift towards mobile and consoles
| will affect how useful internet addictions can be. I would
| have never become a developer if I remained a console or
| mobile gamer.
|
| The communities that I was in are still around but I'm unsure
| whether young people will actually find them. Why learn how
| to mod games when you can scroll tiktok, browse reddit, and
| watch youtube for the entire day.
|
| especially games, modern games aren't as supportive to
| modders than older games - it's more profitable to not
| provide modding tools and just to run any multiplayer servers
| officially with microtransactions.
| limbicsystem wrote:
| I wonder if we should tolerate hypocrisy a little more? I
| always liked this section from "the diamond age"
| https://www.likevillepodcast.com/articles/2020/8/14/our-obse...
| xhrpost wrote:
| I feel like content and internet use was wildly different back
| then. I did the same thing in that timeframe with a similar
| result. But I was constantly constructive with what I did. Not
| because I was a workaholic, I was just really curious and
| interested in everything.
|
| Linux? Cool let's install and play around for a while. How many
| fun logos can I make in GIMP for my cheesy geocities site? Oh
| half-life comes with a level builder, let's build some levels!
|
| As time goes on, I end up exploring less and less and now just
| absorb media when I'm not working. And it's not even fun or
| satisfying, but the dopamine hit is easy. It could be just
| partially growing up and having real responsibility and a full
| time job, but I feel the content delivery bears some of the
| blame.
| mercacona wrote:
| You can't compare writing blogs or early YouTube to current
| trends: short videos, addictive productions, irrelevant
| contents, etc.
|
| My son has a friend who can watch YouTube and Tiktok for hours
| without supervision. When he comes home I freak out: he gets
| bored watching a movie, music videoclips are too long, and if
| you try to read a short story at bedtime he doesn't even listen
| to you.
|
| It's not about using computers and participating in online
| communities but undermining their attention, vocabulary, etc.
| m463 wrote:
| I think things have become MUCH more addictive as monetization
| and engagement have evolved.
|
| In the your era there just weren't the sort of a/b tested hooks
| to get you in, behavioral techniques to keep you engaged and
| dark patterns to prevent you from leaving.
|
| gotta watch out for your kids. Get them outside, with fresh air
| and exercise.
| deafpolygon wrote:
| Keep them offline.
| mattpallissard wrote:
| I don't them use my devices outside of school projects and keep
| them busy doing things outside the house.
|
| I realize this is easier for me than most as my oldest is only
| 13, we homeschool, and we live in a very rural area with high
| community engagement. Meaning the social pressure to be online
| just isn't currently there.
|
| Once they have a job and can buy their own devices they can do
| what they please. Hopefully, the disdainful tone I use when
| explaining social media companies to them fully sinks in by then.
| LAC-Tech wrote:
| _Hopefully, the disdainful tone I use when explaining social
| media companies to them fully sinks in by then._
|
| Yeah kids are famous for doing everything their parents say ;)
| mattpallissard wrote:
| Oh I have no doubts they'll give everything a whirl. There's
| a certain amount of suffering required before you start
| reconsidering lessons you had previously written off.
| dudul wrote:
| I just don't let them use screens. I have a 5 and a 7 years old.
| To them a phone is used to call people, a computer is what Dad
| uses to work, a TV is used 30 minutes a week to watch something
| as a family and they don't know what a tablet is.
|
| They've never used an "app".
|
| They have books, blocks, Legos, dolls, coloring pages, and a ton
| of random trinkets to play creatively. It probably requires being
| more hands on than when you can use the TV set as a babysitter,
| but it's well worth it so far.
| fullshark wrote:
| Every so often I see a post like this and think about the Bridge
| on the River Kwai.
| quickthrower2 wrote:
| Screen time limits, and try to offer lots of things to do. This
| is a lot easier with disposable income. But without a simple
| bicycle and nearby park can go a long way.
|
| But the games, videos and internet are very addictive: when I was
| young it was just the dopamine hit of playing a game. But now it
| is culture. Friends at school are on Roblox, Discord etc. This
| makes it more challenging and more fights and begging etc.
|
| A hard one. As a parent a small part of the role is to be the
| mean unpopular person sometimes ;-)
| tboyd47 wrote:
| I've been fighting this battle for years and I still fight it
| every day with my kids.
|
| First, you MUST set limits on everything addictive to children in
| your house including the internet. Limit the content they can
| access and the place and time they can use it. You can adjust the
| limits, but never remove them.
|
| Second, if they're old enough, explain the concept of addiction
| to them. Here is a perfect video to do that:
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo A child will
| understand exactly what addiction means after watching this
| video.
|
| Third, show them that you also have limits on your own tech
| usage. They might not be the same limits you put on them, but you
| have limits. They will understand this way that limits are not
| something they can "grow out of" and are part of being an adult.
|
| Last, when they do break the rules, don't shame them for it and
| don't give them approval for it either. Make it clear that you
| still love them and the rules are still in place.
|
| Good luck.
| SpeedilyDamage wrote:
| You teach them about moderation, you give them the tools to make
| their own choices, and you protect them from the obvious/bad
| outcomes that would cause irreparable harm.
|
| So like, add a network filter for gore/porn up to a certain age,
| and try to do a good job of showing how to invest their time as a
| reward function rather than the instant gratification path.
|
| But ultimately, babying them will prevent them from growing, and
| the moment they get out of your clutches (how they'll see it)
| they'll binge/overindulge and not have anyone to stop the
| irreversible mistakes from happening.
|
| Limiting technology access creates a perverse relationship
| between the kid and tech. If you want your kid to see technology
| as a tool, not as a reward, you can't treat it like a reward.
| It's super easy, but it sets the wrong example.
| jackson1442 wrote:
| Strongly, strongly agree.
|
| I think of it similar to the issue of college students and
| drinking. Freshman with highly restrictive parents are at a
| greater risk of getting alcohol poisoning because they try to
| "make up for lost time" or something when they move out.
|
| My parents tried to limit a bunch of stuff in our house while I
| was growing up, and it never ever worked. Once I figured out
| self-regulation I was much better off.
| smoldesu wrote:
| Yep. It's frustrating to read through this thread of hacker
| parents who think they can outfox their kid, knowing full-
| well that their actions are either meaningless, driving
| resentment, easy to work around, or outright stunting their
| emotional development. You people could be using your
| technical knowledge to host a Nextcloud server for your
| progeny or to build them a library of the greatest television
| shows ever made. Instead you choose to micromanage their
| freedom and abuse your power as an adult to control their
| lifestyle. It seems like a lot of people are making the wrong
| choice.
|
| I feel like everyone here should go watch Fiddler on the
| Roof. Parents struggle to grow up and watch their offspring
| grow into a younger facsimile of themselves, but trying to
| intervene too much can often be the most destructive path.
| The right way to raise a child is to grow alongside them.
| tejohnso wrote:
| We went from using YouTube as a babysitter to accepting that we
| have to reduce our personal time allotment and be more engaged
| with the child.
|
| The television was removed from the living room wall and the only
| screen time is shared activity screen time with a parent on the
| weekends for an hour or so. Lots more board gaming, reading,
| talking, crafting, playing. Way more parental involvement
| required.
|
| If there was some way to limit YouTube to specific channels and
| disable recommendations we might still allow it. Maybe you can do
| that with premium. In any case, we chose a household solution
| rather than trying to work in a technical solution.
| yumraj wrote:
| One of the best things you can do is implement a strict no FB,
| Instagram, tiktok, snapchat .. future social media policy.
|
| Secondly, stop using those services yourself and take every
| opportunity to tell them how much crap they are and how they
| should not be used.
|
| They will listen to you since you yourself are not using them. If
| you use them and tell them not to, of course it's not going to
| work.
|
| Once social media is out of the picture, you've taken care of the
| worst crap. Rest is incremental and you can build on the above.
|
| Use pihole, other DNS filtering services to help filter other
| services.
| poutine wrote:
| My 6.5yo has just gotten access to an iPad to do some learn to
| read training through a specific app. No other apps permitted.
| Before this there was no access at all to iPads or computers and
| very limited TV time. We'll continue to slowly introduce tech
| with heavy guidance and restriction as she ages, but she'll be a
| lot less online than her peers seem to be. I don't really see
| this as a detriment.
| codegeek wrote:
| This is something I think about a lot with 3 kids. I personally
| believe that we need a balance between allowing devices/internet
| (because this is 2022) and restricting few things.
|
| For me, social media is an absolute No and I will fight my kids
| until I can't. For example, there is no way I am going to let my
| 8 year old do Tick Tok or Snapchat and what not. It is way too
| toxic even for adults let alone a child who has not fully
| developed mentally and emotionally yet. However, we restrict by
| talking to them openly about why we don't think it is a good idea
| and then show them that we are still giving them these other
| freedoms. Most kids appreciate that if you are honest instead of
| just saying No.
|
| I don't think you can restrict using apps or parental controls
| because those can be bypassed once kids get smarter. We have 0
| parental controls on the devices they use. I want my kids to
| learn the difference between good and bad by having access and
| freedom but the right information.
|
| On the flip side, we don't restrict them from doing iPad/laptop
| to play certain types of games (.e.g word puzzle) or even
| minecraft etc. We don't restrict them from doing things on
| internet like google slides for creativity etc. We don't restrict
| them from watching Youtube or movies for kids under our
| supervision.
|
| The other thing is to not give them too much opportunity to do
| devices/internet. If they are busy with an activity, they don't
| care. If they have nothing to do, they "get bored" and want to be
| on their devices. So create enough opportunity for them to do
| activities ideally something that doesn't involve
| internet/devices etc. So far, our kids have been very good with
| boundaries and the freedom they have to do things. I know that if
| you restrict everything, that won't work.
| annoyingnoob wrote:
| I tend to agree. My kids have to earn device time by doing
| other things. We use ScreenTime with my son to keep him honest.
| Also had to setup a network for the kids that turns off between
| 11pm and 7am, caught them on devices late at night a few times.
| You need to give them opportunities but you also need to keep
| them honest, sometimes that takes limits.
| chasd00 wrote:
| i have a 13 and 11 year old. We keep them engaged as much as
| possible off screen in physical activities. They get plenty of
| screen time though and I try to do my best to steer them to at
| least useful content. There's lots of interesting content that
| children can learn from on youtube especially science and
| history. I watch with them and try to steer to as much productive
| content as i can but am not always 100% successful.
| smoldesu wrote:
| Enable them to do more real-life stuff. Kids see technology as a
| bottomless pit of fulfillment, which is mostly true if your
| alternatives are frolicking outside or wishing you could buy
| something cool. If you instead provide them the means to make/do
| something they're proud of, they'll probably have a healthier
| relationship with social media and the internet. Get them a
| sewing kit, buy that bin of used Legos on Ebay, or get the
| breadboarding stuff they keep asking about. If you give a kid an
| iPhone, they're going to be constantly attached to it simply on
| the basis that it's the most expensive thing in their possession.
|
| Obviously though, you're not going to protect your children from
| themselves. IMO, the best you can do as a parent is teach them
| healthy means of self-expression.
| vz8 wrote:
| We changed DNS for all devices to use OpenDNS familyshield [0]
| for starters. It's a passive way to throttle some of the worst of
| the worst out there.
|
| Of course setting some limits on how much / how often helps a
| bit, and frank discussions about what too much of an addictive
| thing does to you.
|
| Our youngest is developmentally delayed and will absolutely
| ignore any guidelines and follow the path of least resistance /
| most enticement, so their bedroom connection runs through a proxy
| running Squid [1] where I've whitelisted school and certain
| entertainment (that took a bit of time running Telerik Fiddler[2]
| to gather the many domains necessary for the whitelist)
|
| Spotify was a bit of a problem, again with our youngest who went
| straight for the podcasts with the most adult content, which
| Spotify gleefully recommended the first moment we turned the
| service on. Could never find a way to turn podcasts off - never
| wanted them.
|
| We run our own Emby[3] server that everyone has access to with
| curated music tv and movies (and also have the usual streaming
| video services, but those are reserved for common areas).
|
| Looked at other options like walled garden family services (e.g.
| Amazon Kindle Fires with subscription), but there seems to only
| be content ranging up to ~12 year old tastes.
|
| [0] https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-
| us/articles/228006487-Fami... [1] http://www.squid-cache.org/ [2]
| https://www.telerik.com/fiddler [3] https://emby.media/
| gattanimell5 wrote:
| i hope some of your childrens manages to bypass family filters
| and starts his passion for the magical world of cybersecurity
| this way
| nkohari wrote:
| You're going to get a lot of skewed results here, because a lot
| of parents aren't going to feel comfortable telling the truth:
| that almost all parents allow a reasonable amount of screen time
| to their kids, even if they know it's not the healthiest thing
| for them.
|
| Personally, we have a four year old and an almost-two year old,
| and they're watching a Leapfrog show on the TV as we speak. We
| limit their access to screens, but realistically there are times
| when they're really useful.
| RGamma wrote:
| Now consider the effects reported here on emotionally
| helpless/immature children and realise that adults fall victim to
| the same effects but express them differently.
|
| Take the collective entertainment media engagement numbers and
| the fact that adults are no longer constrained by supervision in
| this regard and extrapolate the impact on hundreds of millions of
| adults times ~10 years for many billion experience-days under the
| influence of SM engagement and you'll get the perfect description
| of modern societal ills.
| sys32768 wrote:
| My ex taught in several schools in a fairly rural area and always
| praised the attention spans of the Hutterite children which
| seemed almost remarkable in comparison to the regular tweens who
| had smart phones.
| gumboza wrote:
| Lego. Still works every time here.
| type0 wrote:
| Encourage their interests in good things like physical
| activities, science, technology, books, music, theater.
| padde wrote:
| Internet is technology. It's a blurry line... When mine come up
| with creative ways to circumvent Internet access restrictions
| (e.g. use mobile phone as hotspot for the laptop, because for
| that I had set a limited time window in the router) I'm happy
| to see a future hacker on one hand, and really pissed on the
| other hand because I seem to have ended up in an arms race.
| koalaman wrote:
| After having spent a fair amount of time using various different
| tools to attempt to control their screen time, my conclusion is
| that it was a mistake to have any screens in the house in the
| first place.
|
| A library of great books, good games, craft and art materials,
| and a collection of musical instruments would have been the best
| thing for my kids I'm thinking. Screens just make them addicted
| and miserable.
| slothtrop wrote:
| > A library of great books, good games, craft and art
| materials, and a collection of musical instruments would have
| been the best thing for my kids I'm thinking. Screens just make
| them addicted and miserable.
|
| Are these mutually exclusive? If those items are around, and
| kids are taught how to make use of them, they will use them.
| Restricting screen time might be a necessity but it's less of a
| sore spot if it can easily be substituted and the habits are
| ingrained.
| seneca wrote:
| Completely agreed. They may be left out by some peers for not
| being up to date on internet culture, but they will have much
| richer lives and personalities for having spent that time with
| all of the things you listed.
|
| It's a difficult path, and not for everyone, but I think it's
| the right one for people willing to do it.
| agentwiggles wrote:
| > A library of great books, good games, craft and art
| materials, and a collection of musical instruments would have
| been the best thing for my kids I'm thinking. Screens just make
| them addicted and miserable.
|
| I agree in principle, and one of the saddest things to see is
| the pile of all these wonderful diversions sitting ignored
| while Youtube plays. (See my other comment about how we have
| essentially banned Youtube in my house for this reason).
| [deleted]
| theonething wrote:
| My kid's almost three. From day one, we've implemented a zero
| screen policy. That means no phones, tablets, computers, TV
| (don't own one), etc.
|
| We've read to her since day one and she loves books now and her
| spoken/listening language skills are way ahead for her age. Wife
| speaks to her in her native language so she's growing up
| bilingual too. Wife takes her to parks, mommy and me classes
| where they have story time, sing, physical activities, arts and
| crafts and free play with toys. At home, we expect her to be able
| entertain herself with toys, books, backyard, etc.
|
| It's not perfect, but at a parenting class, I heard screens
| described as crack cocaine for kids, so I'm keeping mine away
| from that shit for as long as I can. She seems to be doing fine
| without them and though she's curious when she sees one, she
| doesn't ask/whine for them.[0] I don't even plan to expose
| educational app games to her. So many other richer ways to learn
| in 3D space. I highly doubt she'll fall behind for lack of
| exposure to screens.
|
| [0] The most screen exposure she gets is with others. People
| these days don't seem to be able to socialize and interact
| without their phones.
| factsarelolz wrote:
| Interested in your household. Dual income? Single Income
| w/SAHP?
|
| What is your plan for Grandparents, babysitters, childcare, or
| even the school system to help maintain no screens?
|
| No screens seems awfully privileged in a way... maybe you're
| just Bill Gates
| Archipelagia wrote:
| I think your phrasing is needlessly hostile.
|
| Around the world it's quite common to have an extended family
| serve as a support network, especially around childcare.
| You're right though that maintaining no-screen when your
| child is with others is harder though, and finding how people
| deal with that was my main motivation for making this thread.
| ellm wrote:
| > maybe you're just Bill Gates
|
| Not impossible.
|
| https://www.businessinsider.com/screen-time-limits-bill-
| gate...
|
| I think it's quite brash to say that it's "privileged" to
| raise children with no screens. Would you like to elaborate?
| People certainly existed without them.
| adaml_623 wrote:
| What do you do with her when you are out with friends?
| Restaurants, etc?
| ceejayoz wrote:
| Kids went to these places before smartphones. Restaurants,
| for example, tend to have crayons.
| pea wrote:
| One of the nice things about going to southern Europe
| (Greece, Spain, Italy, etc.), is the lack of expectations of
| kids to sit quietly at all. From my experience over the last
| few years, you go to a restaurant at 10pm and everyone's kids
| are running around, playing together with strangers, or
| asleep on their parents.
|
| As a parent of a 3 year old in the UK, with friends and
| restaurants we'd just talk to them or they'd colour, read,
| etc. Maybe cultural, but it would be seen it as pretty
| unusual/rude to have a kid with an iPad at a table in a
| restaurant; although I agree it's a lot to ask of 3 year old
| to sit there for hours.
| theonething wrote:
| Believe or not, especially if we order something she really
| likes, she'll sit there eating her food and talk to us,
| making comments about things she notices in her environment.
|
| Could this be just her personality and we got lucky?
| Possibly. But I'm willing to bet it also has to do with her
| not being used to screens and instead being used to focusing
| on the environment in front of and around her. There are
| studies about the association between screen time and ADHD
| symptoms.
| mixmastamyk wrote:
| Sit quietly, talk, color, maybe read. Is this hard to
| believe? We did that.
| factsarelolz wrote:
| A 2-3 year old sitting there quietly talking, coloring or
| reading? Yeah it's very very very hard to believe. Even if
| the child is an absolute saint there's such things as
| sensory overload.
| benjaminwootton wrote:
| Are you guys being serious? It would be a cold day in
| hell before my children sat at a dinner table with an
| ipad for entertainment! A 3 year old talking, colouring,
| playing games etc before food arrives is absolutely
| normal and acheivable!
| [deleted]
| D13Fd wrote:
| Right on. I'm always amazed when we go to a restaurant
| and there are kids on iPads while eating.
|
| There is no question that iPads are the _easiest_
| solution, but it's rarely the best solution, and it's
| certainly not necessary. Humanity survived for thousands
| of years without having iPads for kiddos at restaurants.
| nkohari wrote:
| What works for some doesn't work for everyone. Parents
| should do what works for them and their kids, without
| judgement.
| HideousKojima wrote:
| Seeing as parents were able to bring kids with them to
| places long before screens even existed, it's definitely
| not just a matter of what does or doesn't work. Kids can
| be taught to be well-behaved without screens, and you're
| unable to do that for your kids then that's on you. And
| I'll judge you as much as I like.
| mixmastamyk wrote:
| I do agree that different kids are different. Ours were
| often good. However I absolutely did not tolerate poor
| behavior either. If things got dicey (rarely) I escorted
| one outside until the storm passed. Never took longer
| than five minutes. Turning them into zombies instead
| never occurred to me.
| ceejayoz wrote:
| If you bring kids to restaurants early, they get used to
| the rules quite quickly. If they can figure out a
| touchscreen, they can figure out how to sit politely at
| the table.
|
| Mine were very happy to draw, read picture books, etc. at
| that age.
| [deleted]
| [deleted]
| christkv wrote:
| Bring card games, dominos or board games like carcassone
| junior. The kids will entertain themselves. Set is also very
| popular.
| mercacona wrote:
| Paper and color pencils. Speaking to them, listening to their
| stories, asking about the place, playing to "guess what I'm
| watching to", etc.
|
| If friends expect my son to act as a dog, it's their wrong.
| [deleted]
| gattanimell5 wrote:
| the thing that really kickstarted my passion for it was when i
| was left some hours alone with a old netbook, 5-6, and it was
| very slow, but i wanted to to something cool with it, and I
| followed some tutorials on YouTube to make small programs in
| visual basic
| KerrAvon wrote:
| Find a Waldorf school with a strict no-media policy and you
| have a fighting chance to keep the kid healthy through grade
| school.
| theonething wrote:
| One of the classes she goes to is in fact Waldorf. ;)
| kleiba wrote:
| But your child will not be almost three forever. I have one in
| the same age bracket myself with three older siblings. The
| little one has practically no interest in screen time anyway,
| but it's a completely different story with the older ones.
|
| At some point, they will get in touch with media one way or the
| other. In our case, once they get into school, they'll be using
| ipads anyway. So, I agree that for very little children,
| there's is absolutely no need to expose them to any screen
| time, but at some point as they get older, they will need to
| learn how to use phones and media.
|
| We're still very restrictive with screen time, though. It's
| more like a treat that they get to play with a device for 30
| minutes (which I, honestly, find already too long, but I'm not
| a single parent).
| imranq wrote:
| My approach is to demystify the addictive thing as much as
| possible.
|
| Kid wants to play video games? Have them create their own video
| game before playing other video games
|
| Addicted to TikTok? Have them create their own videos and channel
| before watching other peoples channels
|
| Addicted to the internet? Have them create their own websites
| before having them see other people's websites
|
| The foundations of addiction rely on the mind creating cycles of
| dependence on a single activity due to a lack of finding the same
| dopamine rush in other known activities. So if they understand
| what is going on behind the scenes that actually results in the
| dopamine rush, they can find healthier alternatives. They will do
| this automatically since dopamine with understanding = freedom
| [deleted]
| ge96 wrote:
| > Have them create their own video game before playing other
| video games
|
| Brutal
| barbazoo wrote:
| I'm not criticizing your approach at all I'm just wondering how
| you get from
|
| > The foundations of addiction rely on the mind creating cycles
| of dependence on a single activity due to a lack of finding the
| same dopamine rush in other known activities. So if they
| understand what is going on behind the scenes that actually
| results in the dopamine rush, they can find healthier
| alternatives.
|
| to what you've come up with? How does creating your own video
| make them understand what is going on behind the scenes when
| watching a video and how that creates a dopamine rush?
| Absolutely, creating your own videos is much more satisfying
| but I don't see how that relates to better understanding when
| watching a Tiktok feed.
| rr888 wrote:
| Realistically I've pretty much given up. The only thing is if we
| have school, organized events, sports - social interaction.
| Otherwise the (barely working) phone comes out - or the laptop
| which is required for all homework now. I'd love to do something
| but looking around the adults are just as addicted.
| LAC-Tech wrote:
| I have a 3 month old and this is something I am wondering about
| already, since I am definitely prone to YouTube binging -
| especially if I'm in a bad mood, tired etc.
|
| I tell myself I need it for background music then before.I know
| it I'm binge watching comedy routines I've seen 10 times before.
| christkv wrote:
| We have no online games and no YouTube as base rules. We pick
| games that have some meaningful interaction to them. Games like
| Minecraft, Jurassic Park Evolution 2, Cities Skyline, old Sierra
| games, puzzle games. It's time boxed and only after
| responsibilities are taken care of like homework and helping out.
| I prefer they game over watching tv passively.
|
| I am considering getting rid of consoles and just getting them
| steam decks instead as their first computers and then do some
| modding with them.
| fred967 wrote:
| TV, not before 3 years. The personal console, not before 6 years.
| Internet, after 9 years. Social networks, after 12 years.
| bcrosby95 wrote:
| For our kids the big problem was youtube.
|
| Give them a game on their tablet and they are quickly
| collaborating on it. Give them a show and they will go see what
| the other person is watching. After not too long (an hour or two)
| they are completely done and doing something else.
|
| But youtube is different. They can sit alone, in a corner, slack
| jawed, for 8 hours per day, only watching youtube, as they
| respond to all questions with only a vague grunt.
| tootie wrote:
| My kids do this and I mostly just let them. They do well in
| school, have friends, are physically healthy. I was the same
| with TV and games at their age and now I'm living the life.
| Internet addiction can be an outlet for other unhealthy
| behavior but I don't think it's a cause.
| annoyingnoob wrote:
| Do not give them access to roblox, you won't even get a grunt.
| agentwiggles wrote:
| Youtube has been essentially banned in my house after seeing
| the effect it had on my kids. The problem, in short, was that
| Youtube continuously feeds them new content. Sadly - especially
| given the huge amount of actually great content on Youtube -
| everything that it wants to show my kids is absolutely dogshit
| garbage. A bunch of Gen Z kids with obviously wealthy families
| just acting like idiots. I couldn't stand it any more.
|
| I am, in general, a fairly permissive and liberal-minded
| parent. I had to put my foot down and have just disabled the
| site on the devices they use.
|
| It makes me sad because I know if they were directed to the
| right kinds of videos they could learn all kinds of things and
| be inspired by the creativity of the folks behind them. This is
| not what comes up in the feed and the content that they've
| become most interested in is the mental equivalent of eating
| off-brand Oreos for every meal. Hard pass.
| mrexroad wrote:
| Several kids in my household. YouTube plays a vastly
| different role for each, which is frustrating.
|
| Oldest goes down rabbit hole of topics of interest - benign
| useless filler stuff, e.g. mostly pro sports commentary,
| random things like Disney ride trivia, and other random pop-
| culture filler. If left unchecked, i wouldn't be surprised if
| they spent 8+ hours on YouTube. If moderated, YouTube gives
| them a fair amount of stuff to talk and connect with others
| about in real life. Overall impact: neutral to slightly
| positive if moderated to <1h/day. Food/drink equivalent:
| Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel pieces (a few are great, but
| then you can't stop and you end up eating 1500 calories and
| everything tastes wrong for 24h)
|
| Younger teen: will consume insane amounts of gaming videos,
| most of the creators border on toxic personalities. We've
| banned a number of channels for them, but they find other
| shitty personalities. I can't stand the content they consume,
| but I chalk a fair bit of that to my ignorance about teen
| culture and mostly grit my teeth. Covid was the worst. I hate
| YouTube because of their content choices. However, it does
| provide a small basis of connection to their group of
| friends. [edit: I also stupidly made a deal that w/ straight
| A's I won't be overly restrictive, which they've upheld,
| _sigh_ ] Overall impact: toxic to the point where every month
| or two I'm convinced to ban YouTube across every device in
| the house. Food/drink equivalent: Natty Light that's barely
| chilled.
|
| Pre-teen: by choice, they spend ~3/4 of their YouTube time
| learning new skills or facts. Mostly learning specific
| techniques in the iPad app Procreate, acrylic painting (irl),
| a ton of educational videos about wildlife/animals they love,
| etc. But more significantly, their YouTube use has created
| the reflex to "search first" whenever facing a
| knowledge/skill gap, then ask for help. They're the only
| reason i don't straight up block YouTube at the network
| level, for all devices. Overall impact: very positive.
| Food/drink equivalent: natto and rice.
| mhss wrote:
| I largely agree, but I've not banned it. I just have
| explicitly told them they can only watch from the
| subscriptions we've curated. It requires monitoring of
| course, so they'll watch it on tv (Apple TV) when I'm
| present. My kids are young enough that they're never alone.
| Once they're not, I've been thinking if I can write a MITM
| proxy at home for youtube that somehow only allows content
| from explicit channels.
| speg wrote:
| We just added YouTube to my son's iPad. In addition to a daily
| time limit we also locked his account down so he can only see
| videos that we explicitly add to his account.
| givemeethekeys wrote:
| Think of any bans and constraints as a loaded spring. Unless they
| have something that they enjoy / rewarded for / need to do with
| their time, you'll just frustrate them. They'll do the alcohol,
| drugs, TV, internet all behind your back. Or maybe they'll binge
| on it after they leave your house.
|
| Instead, maybe introduce them to alternatives that are worth
| being addicted to. And, lead by example. Try to find something
| that you and they would enjoy doing together.
| thirdreplicator wrote:
| I have been experimenting with different cell phone policies over
| the past few years with my kids and here is what we settled on.
|
| At our house, we have 6 children ranging in ages from 7-12 (3 of
| them are mine). No cell phones allowed Mon-Fri, but on Saturday
| and Sunday, they can have their phones from 2pm-9pm. We sleep at
| 9pm everyday. Sometimes during the week I'll let them watch a
| movie. Also, if they want to use their phone for learning
| something new like oragami, a piano tune or how to draw, then I
| let them use it for an hour or however long they need it as long
| as they are responsible.
|
| The result is lots of imaginative play time like fashion shows,
| disco parties and pretend school. There is a lot of time for
| studying and playing instruments. All the kids were "A" students
| this last quarter.
| qzx_pierri wrote:
| The solution to this problem is actively parenting your kids.
| Take them on hikes, start a hobby with them, bond, etc. Letting
| the internet babysit your kids is the precursor to internet
| addiction. If you put in the work, then you won't have to worry.
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