[HN Gopher] Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021)
___________________________________________________________________
Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021)
Author : xrayarx
Score : 118 points
Date : 2022-11-22 07:52 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (www.tiffanymatthe.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.tiffanymatthe.com)
| freedude wrote:
| "I feel disappointed, jealous." Perhaps this is why you don't
| understand what being extraordinary is all about. I didn't get
| where I was by feeling sorry for myself. I spent the time and
| energy learning where I failed and remediating that failure. That
| is really what has become the definition of extraordinary.
| Continuing on when the average person quits.
|
| The author touches on this when she says, "Extraordinary should
| not be the end goal." This is very true. The goal is the
| satisfaction of a job well done.
|
| By adding up enough repeats of the satisfactions of a job well
| done you will find yourself extraordinary at something. If you
| complete a task and you don't get that satisfaction of a job well
| done then re-evaluate the process and fix it for the future.
|
| I only have 25 years of experience at enjoying the satisfaction
| of a job well done. Look for extraordinary people in your life
| and ask them how they started and what made them better at what
| makes them extraordinary.
|
| Remember: Keep up the good work.
| avg_dev wrote:
| i enjoyed the article. i believe the gist of it is true in my
| life.
|
| ive been partial to this poem since i discovered it:
| https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968
|
| i will reproduce it here.
|
| Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive
|
| Do not ask your children
|
| to strive for extraordinary lives.
|
| Such striving may seem admirable,
|
| but it is the way of foolishness.
|
| Help them instead to find the wonder
|
| and the marvel of an ordinary life.
|
| Show them the joy of tasting
|
| tomatoes, apples and pears.
|
| Show them how to cry
|
| when pets and people die.
|
| Show them the infinite pleasure
|
| in the touch of a hand.
|
| And make the ordinary come alive for them.
|
| The extraordinary will take care of itself.
|
| - William Martin
| somethoughts wrote:
| Reminds me of the School of Life - Why an Ordinary Life Can Be
| a Good Life by Alan De Botton
|
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg
| HideousKojima wrote:
| I think Lynyrd Skynyrd put it best in _Simple Man_ :
|
| Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me my only son
| And listen closely to what I say And if you do this it'll help
| you Some sunny day oh yeah
|
| Oh take your time don't live too fast Troubles will come and
| they will pass Go find a woman yeah and you'll find love And
| don't forget son there is someone up above
|
| And be a simple kind of man Oh be something you love and
| understand Baby be a simple kind of man Oh won't you do this
| for me son if you can
|
| Forget your lust for the rich man's gold All that you need is
| in your soul And you can do this oh babe if you try All that I
| want for you my son is to be satisfied
| [deleted]
| jll29 wrote:
| One thing that the media are biased towards are the top-athletes,
| top-scientists, genius programmers etc.
|
| They do that because we all enjoy reading about them, and there's
| nothing wrong with that as such.
|
| But just don't expect to be in any of these groups automatically,
| certainly don't feel pressurized that you ought to. But by any
| means if you're passionate about something, try hard to master it
| as best you can, with your focus on the passion for the activity
| and not the "must-be-#1-at-all-cost". Chances are you might
| become the #1 by focusing on the activity, not comparing yourself
| with others all the time.
|
| Alan Rusbridger, the former Guardian editor-in-chief, wrote a
| lovely little book about his aspiration to be an amateur pianist.
| He was passionate about the piano, but realistic about his
| limitations of it being a hobby (subordinate to his true vocation
| of being a journalist) and not properly trained since age five
| like the piano geniuses. But he set himself the goal to learn to
| play one classical piece by practising regularly, as well or as
| badly as he could master, and he eventually performed it in front
| of friends. A real pro would probably still cringe listening to
| him, but I admire that he took up a self-set challenge that
| commensurate with his circumstances (prior piano skills,
| available time), and went all in to reach his goal. That's the
| spirit...
| vouaobrasil wrote:
| Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do.
| Now, by definition that seems illogical. However, here me out.
| Most people tend to view extraordinary along a single dimension:
| really good at math, or really good at running. In this one-
| dimensional view, most people can't be extraordinary.
|
| However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For
| example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could
| have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same
| time, and thus be extraordinary at _writing about running_.
|
| If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a
| way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply
| by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the
| individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to
| others.
|
| Take programming as another example. You may be just a "good"
| programmer, a "good" teacher, but not necessarily outstanding at
| either. But maybe you have a third skill that will make you stand
| out when you are teaching programming. Maybe it's your sense of
| humour, or your ability to put people at ease, or even a talent
| for drawing that comes out when you draw diagrams.
|
| Being outstanding or extraordinary in my mind means combining
| everything you have to be inspiring, because the proximal/end
| result of extraordinary really is just that: having the ability
| to inspire. Sometimes one-dimensional measurements like amount of
| money or raw strength measure that, but sometimes they don't.
| sakras wrote:
| Wow this is superb life advice, thank you! You've given me a
| lot of food for thought.
| huzaif wrote:
| If you would like to put that advice to practice, this book
| will help.
|
| (The Art of impossible) https://www.amazon.com/Art-
| Impossible-Peak-Performance-Prime...
|
| It guides you through discovering your mix of passions and
| strengths to land on what you might make you uniquely
| extraordinary.
| J-_-_b wrote:
| That's such an insightful post! That's also why I find it so
| interesting when people career swap into engineering. They have
| a whole lot of domain knowledge and alternative perspective
| that can be incredible valuable.
| ZephyrBlu wrote:
| This is true, but it creates a new problem: you have to find
| your multi-dimensional thing, which is tends to be quite
| difficult.
| pm90 wrote:
| Agreed. This is the same principle that is often given out as
| advice: excel at the intersection of fields rather than
| particular ones. The combinatorics generate a pretty ginormous
| space of possibilities to excel at even for 8 billion humans.
| scrozier wrote:
| Thanks. I've been needing this perspective lately.
| quacked wrote:
| > But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel
| disappointed, jealous.
|
| These are the words of a young person who was trained to see
| everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own
| ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally
| healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed,
| energized, and motivated.
|
| I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage
| to young people. Young people are smart and know that
| participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young
| people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do
| anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be
| the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong
| with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the
| best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that
| will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their
| competitors.
|
| Young people have very little free time. The time they spend
| actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly
| overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades,
| college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their
| phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the
| fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have
| free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against
| future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked
| against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good
| roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the
| musicians' kids and the international students play like
| professionals.
|
| If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a
| _lot_ of free time to get properly bored, and a social network
| with which to practice your hobby completely free from the
| judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school
| headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to
| try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is
| not.
| mirror_maze wrote:
| > A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of
| excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated.
|
| The way I've expressed this sentiment before in the context of
| music was to find hope when I hear outstanding musicians, as my
| thought was usually, "we now know there is at least one human
| capable of such expression, so it's possible for us to reach
| this level," or simply to say "such an individual does exist."
|
| I think the author has deeper seated issues to deal with,
| especially if they spend time languishing over this, and then
| writing these posts to justify/circumvent their negative
| emotional reactions by reframing and then echoing their
| internal troubles to the rest of us like we need to be
| enlightened.
| quacked wrote:
| I agree. I used to feel very jealous whenever hearing
| superior musicians, but after a while it just becomes
| exciting, especially when you're often playing with people
| within the same sphere of talent as you rather than binging
| YouTube videos of the best of the best.
|
| The author does have deep-seated issues to deal with, but I
| really don't think the author is uniquely broken. I would bet
| that at least half of the modern western population struggles
| with similar feelings.
| mirror_maze wrote:
| Yeah it's a blight of origins I cannot comprehend, to be
| blunt. Upbringing? Harsh parents? Bullying? Whenever I do
| see it however it's a self destructive force, and people
| who have directly expressed these feelings to me before
| often have another more sinister feeling to go with it,
| usually in the sphere of arrogance, contempt, malice, or
| some sort of righteous indignation that the world isn't
| fair. Give these people the opportunity to cast others out,
| I've little hope they would hold themselves back from
| lashing out at those they perceive as "worse, but seen in
| more positive light" than them.
|
| Seen as such, these articles do little to show the authors
| attempting to turn the other cheek as much as they try to
| justify and reframe their negativity.
| multjoy wrote:
| >A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence,
| is impressed, energized, and motivated.
|
| What's your definition of mentally healthy, then?
| fidesomnes wrote:
| verst wrote:
| > These are the words of a young person who was trained to see
| everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own
| ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally
| healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is
| impressed, energized, and motivated.
|
| I don't think that's universally accurate. While this is
| something I have observed living in the US, growing up in
| Germany was a completely different story: The people in small
| town Northern Germany went so far as to criticize and attack
| you for your achievements that far surpassed what they have
| accomplished. It appears to make them feel jealous and
| threatened, which in their view is best dealt with by making
| you less threatening instead of feeling inspired themselves.
| _jal wrote:
| > The people [...] went so far as to criticize and attack you
| for your achievements
|
| I've seen this personally, including from family. Actually
| managed to get to a point with one family member where we
| could honestly talk about it, and it was a complicated sort
| of jealousy.
|
| In their case, they correctly noted that I'm not so much
| smarter or otherwise distinguished as to "deserve" what I've
| accomplished so much more than them, and they felt cheated.
| When asked why they didn't do something like what I did, it
| came down to personal conservatism and fear. I was willing to
| risk moving to the "big city" without support (my family is
| poor). They were afraid to try.
|
| You become evidence of their missed opportunities, and that
| makes them angry at you. So much worse if you are childless
| and have the temerity to be happy about it - that really
| pisses off some of them, too.
| random314 wrote:
| Wow. In what way did they attack? Were they neighbors or
| colleagues?
| BirdieNZ wrote:
| We call this "Tall Poppy Syndrome" in New Zealand. If you're
| a tall poppy you get cut down to size. The only successful
| New Zealanders that are approved of are those that elevate NZ
| as a whole on the international stage and attribute it to the
| country rather than their own individual talent and ability.
| ozzythecat wrote:
| > The people in small town Northern Germany went so far as to
| criticize and attack you for your achievements that far
| surpassed what they have accomplished.
|
| Isn't this a salient feature in US culture? We attack the
| wealthy, celebrities, politicians. I'm not saying these
| people are saints by any means or it's completely
| unwarranted, but the US seems to have an increasing
| victimhood culture. It manifests in different shapes and
| forms, but the outcome is more or less an attack on some
| person or group of people who we consider to be relatively
| more "privileged", and we use that to dismiss their actual
| accomplishments or whatever good they may have also done. The
| root of the issue is always about comparing yourself to
| someone or some group and their accomplishments and
| justifying one's or short comings.
|
| Many of the diversity, equity, inclusion initiatives,
| regardless of good intentions, are spin offs from this.
|
| To be clear, I'm not taking a swing at the social justice
| movements. But what I am saying is that in US culture,
| there's definitely massive resentment of those who are
| successful.
| ip26 wrote:
| Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at _something_.
| You have to find your _something_.
|
| On the whole though, the entire concept of "best" is a mess in
| a world of eight billion. At this point it's more up to the
| whims of the contest, and doesn't seem very correlated with
| life outcomes. Better by far to be _one of_ the best, working
| shoulder to shoulder with the others, and forget entirely about
| who holds the podium.
| omginternets wrote:
| >Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something.
| You have to find your something.
|
| What happens if you don't? What do you tell someone who
| managed to find something at which they are respectably
| competent, but not the best? Is that not sufficient?
| AnimalMuppet wrote:
| Not best, no. I can be top 10% at a few things, though. Not
| many, but more than one.
|
| Top 10% doesn't necessarily make me "extraordinary",
| depending on how you define it. It's enough for it to be part
| of my _something_ , though.
| snapcaster wrote:
| But this isn't true. Who is it benefitting to lie to people
| like this?
| williamcotton wrote:
| I mean, I'm definitely not the best songwriter out there
| but I'm definitely the best at writing songs about my own
| life!
| snapcaster wrote:
| Oh so we're just teaching people effective coping
| mechanisms? I guess that's fine I misunderstood the
| comment I was responding to i think
|
| edit: also probably untrue, I bet there are lots of
| songwriters who could make songs about your life that the
| vast majority of people would agree are better than yours
| afarrell wrote:
| Effective coping mechanisms that are reasonably grounded
| in objective reality.
|
| Whose decision is it that the other songwriters are
| better at expressing this one dude's experiences? Thats
| not an objective question. It is a choice.
| williamcotton wrote:
| A buddy of mine is definitely a better songwriter than I
| am and he has in fact written a song about me!
|
| It would have been sometime in the late 2000s and I was
| visiting dear old dad in Christchurch, NZ, and my buddy
| James, aka Lawrence Arabia was playing a gig at the
| Wonderbar in nearby Littleton on Christmas Eve. I
| happened to meet a nice young lady, shit you not, named
| Eve, and we ended back at her place... her parent's
| place. At 2am on Christmas Eve. Then her dad comes down
| and finds us fooling around on the couch in front of the
| tree. My ride had left hours ago so I had to call up
| pops. Surprisingly he was very pleased with my escapades
| and not too bothered with the wake up call.
|
| Here's James's take on the event:
| https://fabulousarabia.bandcamp.com/track/give-me-love-
| tonig...
|
| While it's a fine song, it is definitely not his best,
| and I'm sure he'd admit that it is not as good as my
| better ones!
|
| It is, however, better than my song about that night:
| https://williamcotton.bandcamp.com/track/eve-of-eve
|
| My wife and I, complete strangers beforehand, were two of
| maybe 15 people who went to see James play at a small bar
| in SF about ten years ago. That dude has been getting me
| laid for decades!
|
| Anyways, unless I happen to steal a steam engine high on
| cocaine or some other act of epic folklore there's no
| chance in hell that some songwriter out there is ever
| going to write a better song about my life than yours
| truly.
|
| If it somehow happened it would be an amazing honor.
| etblg wrote:
| As people growing up in Canada were reminded of repeatedly,
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6qUFm1HsI
| Permit wrote:
| > Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at
| something. You have to find your something.
|
| This implies there are at least 8 billion "things to be good
| at" which I don't think is necessarily true. I suspect most
| people are not the best at anything.
| googlryas wrote:
| Maybe there are with combinations. I might be the best
| programmer who can do woodworking, play flamenco guitar,
| and squat 475 lbs. I'm just waiting for that category to be
| added to the Olympics.
| ip26 wrote:
| I think your real niche is going to be creating software
| for luthiers that enables you to design the flamenco
| guitar of your dreams. Critically, you discover the ideal
| guitar body for flamenco is incredibly heavy...
| moffkalast wrote:
| True. There are far, far more things to be good at. I can
| make up a completely new board game right now and I'll be
| the world champion at it immediately.
|
| At a slightly less extreme level, it's always possible to
| find something niche enough that is just so obscure that
| you can become the best by persistence alone. Maybe you're
| the world expert on blue umbrellas manufactured in 1993.
| The_Colonel wrote:
| People don't want to be best at something for the sake of
| it, but because it brings some perks with it -
| recognition, fame, money. Being the best in a game which
| literally nobody else knows is largely meaningless. I
| mean, try it, it doesn't take much time to make up a
| trivial game. Does it bring any kind of satisfaction to
| know you're the best in the world (because nobody else
| knows it)?
|
| (to be fair, there is also inner satisfaction coming from
| deep understanding and mastering of some activity, but
| alone it's rarely enough without any external validation
| to motivate people)
| 1auralynn wrote:
| There was a part in Isaac Asimov's autobiography that stuck
| with me, where in high school he wasn't the best student in
| any subject. However, he was the SECOND best at EVERY
| subject, whereas the "best" students were only the best at
| one subject. So I think for some people, there is value in
| not being the "best" at anything but being good a lots of
| things regardless of overall ranking.
| etrautmann wrote:
| This is what I've been implicitly optimizing for my whole
| life. Breadth over depth, but applied to a field. Pretty
| good at a lot of things to enable synthesis and creativity
| across domains. I'm very comfortable not maxing out a
| narrow set of sun skills, since 95% if the effort goes into
| the last little bit if performance, and the opportunity
| cost is then many other skills (or experiences or whatever)
| myself248 wrote:
| A jack of all trades, master of none, is oftentimes better
| than a master of one.
| afarrell wrote:
| Or "do not compare yourself with others, for there will
| always be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
| laidoffamazon wrote:
| Doesn't help when people like me are just terrible at
| everything, have accomplished nothing and considered
| subhuman by the rest of society!
|
| This is a "thanks I'm cured" statement, no different from
| saying depressed people should smile more.
| afarrell wrote:
| The statement is in fact useless. Changing your mental
| actions is what is useful. When you notice you brain
| doing it, then imagine you are a kind kindergarten
| teacher guiding a child to take crayons out of his mouth.
| Kindly tell your brain to think of something else. Then
| patiently tell your brain again.
|
| Put down the internet drama machine and go do small good
| things in the real world.
|
| ----------
|
| > considered subhuman by the rest of society!
|
| Unless you are literally an AI, then as a member of
| society I can tell you that this is factually inaccurate.
| I think you are a human.
|
| I also know that there is a tiny fraction of society that
| consider me subhuman. HP Lovecraft would be horrified by
| my very existence. The fraction of society that calls
| people subhuman is really bad at maintaining healthy
| relationships and so they don't tend to hold onto power
| so I don't care about them.
|
| > just terrible at everything and have accomplished
| nothing
|
| Do you have solid evidence that this is factually
| accurate, or does it only _feel_ true?
|
| If it _feels_ true, then get up and go for a walk or roll
| outside, occasionally doing pushups or waving your arms
| about. That will help you see reality more clearly.
|
| Also, teach yourself how to make scrambled eggs well.
| That way when you remember the parts of your life that do
| suck, you'll at least be able to remind yourself of your
| ability to make scrambled eggs for someone.
| cwmoore wrote:
| Legitimately though, the act of smiling whenever you can
| pull it off, will elevate mood. At times it isn't
| possible. Similar with choosing instead of discovering
| what you can excel at and flow with.
| pclmulqdq wrote:
| I guarantee that the person who wrote this article doesn't get
| jealous of Olympic Snowboarders (to use a contrived example).
| The jealousy comes from thinking that you are competing with
| other people for a limited pool of money/ideas/success.
|
| When people start to realize that the pool isn't limited, and
| that you aren't actually competing with anyone else (except in
| certain circumstances), it's a lot more freeing. You can
| differentiate yourself, your product, or your startup along any
| lines, and you will be unique and extraordinary. The only thing
| that's left is finding other people who think that.
|
| It's human to struggle with jealousy like this, but the
| competition isn't reality. It's all a social construct.
| mitchdoogle wrote:
| I don't think these feelings are restricted to young people.
| ozim wrote:
| Participation trophies are not bullshit.
|
| I think most damage to kids is done by people who claim
| participation trophies are bullshit.
|
| These trophies are for encouraging people to try and do
| something and not thinking: "I am not going to win anyway so
| why bother trying at all".
|
| Kids are smart and they also know that running that 5km run and
| finishing first is hard work. They might not be happy about
| participation trophy but still they should be praised for the
| effort of putting on shoes and trying.
|
| There is a lot of psychology about effects of encouraging
| positive behaviors that is misunderstood. Even if you have
| employees it is much more effective to praise them on positive
| behaviors than scolding them for mistakes. Because scolding for
| mistakes will push them into direction "I am not going to do
| this task at all because if I make mistake I will get scolded,
| so why bother doing this task at all".
| UncleEntity wrote:
| Participation trophies are 100% bullshit.
|
| The reward you get is learning that hard work is its own
| reward.
| ozim wrote:
| I see you want to come over to my house next week and paint
| the walls.
|
| Od course I am not paying anything because hard work is its
| own reward.
| [deleted]
| pm90 wrote:
| > The reward you get is learning that hard work is its own
| reward.
|
| Maybe for some people the internal feeling is good enough,
| for others, some token (however worthless _you_ might think
| it is) works.
|
| Why make people feel bad when its so easy to make them feel
| good?
| awillen wrote:
| I think the other part of it is that even if you can be the
| best at something, there's an enormous opportunity cost to
| that. We look up to Olympians, but it's tough to fully grasp
| the amount of sacrifice it takes to win an Olympic gold. You're
| not going to have a normal social life or other hobbies -
| you're just doing your sport (or related practice) for as many
| hours a day as you can without sustaining injuries that would
| impact your ability to train more.
|
| Same thing with the best musicians, lawyers, researchers and a
| whole lot of other professions, particularly those that we hold
| in high esteem - there are a lot of people who want to be at
| the top, and you can't stop to take a break because plenty of
| those people will be working more while you rest.
|
| I'd rather be good at a bunch of different things and have
| enough free time to read a book or play videogames on the
| weekends than be extraordinary at one thing.
| oneoff786 wrote:
| I think this is wrong. The olympians aren't clearly working
| harder than other people who are trying hard but not
| naturally talented or well endowed.
|
| They are working hard, but many people are for far less
| impressive feats.
| awillen wrote:
| Olympians are a combination of both - they have the natural
| talents/endowment, but they also put in the maximum amount
| of work. Michael Phelps has an enormous wingspan, but he
| also trained 5-6 hours a day. If he dropped that to 3 hours
| a day, he would lose to someone with a slightly smaller
| (but still well above average) wingspan who's training 5-6
| hours a day.
| badpun wrote:
| > Michael Phelps has an enormous wingspan, but he also
| trained 5-6 hours a day
|
| Whereas a postman or police officer work 8 hours a day...
| RadiozRadioz wrote:
| And I'm sure Michael Phelps couldn't deliver mail as well
| as those postmen. Leaving aside the obvious physical
| differences between working as a cop and olympics
| training, what point are you making exactly?
| TeMPOraL wrote:
| They are _working_ 8 hours a day, not _training_ 8 hours
| a day.
| blooalien wrote:
| > "A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of
| excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated."
|
| I would add "inspired" to _your_ list ... I frequently visit
| digital art sites well known for the excellence of the work of
| their many artists, and scroll through the "showcase" areas
| especially, seeking out that specific thing. That which
| impresses me also often inspires me. Helps get the "creative
| juices" flowing before working with any of my favorite art
| creation tools (Blender 3D, Inkscape, Krita, Godot game engine,
| etc...).
| overgard wrote:
| There's this phrase I heard recently: "Losers focus on winners,
| winners focus on winning"
|
| Now, I don't _love_ this phrase because it implies life is a zero
| sum game, and that if you haven't achieved success you're a loser
| -- neither of which I think is true. But I do think it gets to
| something important, which is that the best way to find success
| is to focus on how it relates to you, not to someone else. I'd
| love to be running my own successful company, but if I look at my
| own script, what do I need to do to be the kind of person that
| could pull that off? What are the intermediate steps? I think
| when you compare yourself to others, you're essentially trying to
| live by someone else's script, but why should their script ever
| work for you? They have entirely different advantages and
| disadvantages. I think you're almost always going to fail trying
| to do that.
| theCrowing wrote:
| 80% are enough for almost everything the last 20% just hurt way
| too much.
| sys_64738 wrote:
| What is this obsession with always comparing yourself to other
| people? Don't feel intimidated by other people's successes as a
| reflection on you. That will only lead to depression. Do what you
| do for you and you alone (and family). If you stop worrying about
| others and focus on your own life then you realize how irrelevant
| others are to you.
| UniverseHacker wrote:
| You should absolutely be extraordinary, but only if you've
| defined that for yourself, and know why you want it, beyond
| "positive attention from strangers." Figure out what _you_ think
| is important to do with your life, do your best at it, and forget
| about if others think it 's extraordinary or not.
|
| Striving to be extraordinary implies that you are motivated by
| others opinions and feedback, and putting that above your own
| judgement, e.g. the number of followers on a youtube channel.
| Being actually extraordinary requires vision and leadership,
| which is basically the opposite of "doing whatever I can to make
| people think I'm extraordinary."
|
| Most people I admire that did things I consider extraordinary
| were motivated by an internal passion or vision about how they
| wanted something to be, and didn't waste any energy on the
| opinions of strangers. Mostly, they didn't expect anyone to care
| about it, but focused hard because they wanted to for some
| internal reason, e.g. they enjoy it. In many cases they initially
| never even planned to ever share the work with others, they did
| it for themselves.
|
| I think the author here is close with the final point of
| "extraordinary should not be the end goal" but is missing the
| importance of having a personal creative vision, and a goal that
| is resistant to others opinions.
| MarkPNeyer wrote:
| I recently read and have very much enjoyed a book called "stop
| fixing yourself." It pointed out that the best way to improve
| yourself is to learn to understand yourself better. When I stop
| judging myself, it's easier to understand the cause and effect
| nature of my behavior, which then automatically leads to
| improvements.
| MarkusWandel wrote:
| "This disappointment would incite me to take action, but after a
| few days of hard work, I would just quit."
|
| Extraordinary people usually aren't like that. They have this
| strange ability to be "always on". So why can't the rest of us be
| like that?
|
| Some people can just focus. Eight hours in the office, tune out
| all other distractions, head down, work effectively and well. But
| that's merely very good, not extraordinary.
|
| So how can you be "always on"? By having an overriding passion
| that makes you want to be. For some people this is just material
| success. Laser focused on the most profitable career. Is that
| what you want? Badly enough? Others really want to do, say,
| theoretical physics. Either it's inherently satisfying, or they
| want to pursue a particular research goal. Whatever the
| overriding goal, it's the first thing you think about when you
| wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall
| asleep.
|
| But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's
| other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent
| enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really
| relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things?
|
| Anyway early middle age will probably take care of it. Where you
| take stock of who you actually are, rather than who you thought
| you should be. And then make the best of that.
| laidoffamazon wrote:
| The fact that my hard work has never yielded anything of value
| except disdain from elites that consider me an "NPC" is why I
| wish Harrison Bergeron was real.
|
| For the record, most people of high ability aren't on 24/7 like
| that.
| kevmo314 wrote:
| > But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's
| other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent
| enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really
| relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things?
|
| What's wrong with that? The first half of your comment is
| insightful, but is it really that hard to believe that maybe
| some people do derive satisfaction from accomplishment?
| ulnarkressty wrote:
| I don't know about you guys but the last week's Ask HN thread
| about their most impactful achievements really messed up my
| weekend.
|
| I don't understand how some people can set their mind up and just
| _do_ stuff. I struggle with not doing stuff but when I try to my
| brain is violently asking why.
| BirdieNZ wrote:
| Have you considered if you might have ADHD? If you feel like
| you have great potential but can never apply it to anything
| productive, or only for short periods of time, then it might be
| worth first doing an adult ADHD self-assessment checklist
| (easily available online from official medical sources) and
| then if you score highly on it, book yourself in for a
| psychiatric appointment.
|
| You may not have it but if you do then it can be a life
| changing diagnosis and subsequent medication and learned coping
| mechanisms/coaching.
| ravishi wrote:
| I feel like I can get a glimpse of how these people can pull it
| out. I have done stuff. Cool stuff, even. My brain has had
| moments where it didn't shout why all the time. What really
| wonder me is how they can be _consistent_ at it. How can they
| pull it off everyday for a long time? I'm crashing every week.
| Sometimes I can hold this glimpse for a couple of months, but
| if there is something certain in my life is that it'll crash at
| some point. And it will be painful.
| AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote:
| Have you considered that maybe your brain is right? I've
| accomplished a lot of things I've set out to do in my life and
| not a one of them made me a happier person.
|
| Is the goal to accomplish or do you want to accomplish because
| you think it'll make you happier?
| cweill wrote:
| So many accomplishments are the result of someone just putting
| one foot in front of the other with a vague idea of where
| they're going. Hopefully, their north star is something others
| find respectable once achieved. They're then labeled "geniuses"
| if it works out and "fools" if it doesn't. Accomplishments are
| only impressive with hindsight.
| nicbou wrote:
| Some people have unusually strong passions for very specific
| topics. Some of those happen to lead to high impact projects.
|
| I have one such passion that played out well. The consistent
| work felt natural, while it rarely does otherwise. I can't
| stick to a gym or guitar practice schedule, but I can spend a
| few months building a slightly better tax calculator. Go
| figure.
| scubakid wrote:
| I think if you're using a feeling of guilt about not doing
| stuff as the principal motivation for doing stuff, that's a
| recipe for... precisely the results you describe.
|
| I'd recommend taking a step back and thinking about what's
| truly important to you, and see if you can identify an activity
| or a goal where the journey itself makes you feel inspired and
| energized. In my experience, if you can find something with a
| positive feedback loop like that, one day you'll wake up and
| realize you've made it a lot further down that path than you
| initially thought possible.
| _def wrote:
| I came to love being boring :)
| ge96 wrote:
| In work I don't aim to be one of the top eg. leader. I don't
| think I'm cut out for it. I also don't want the
| responsibility/making choices for others/the pressure.
|
| Personally too what I make outside of work is probably crude/crap
| but I enjoy the process of it. Even as a mediocre
| developer/software person I'm still able to have a good life.
|
| I also acknowledge my mental shortcomings I can see someone else
| read an algorithm problem and know the question/spit something
| out much faster than me. Same for math. I just aim for personal
| freedom/happiness at this point, not to be the best/stick out.
|
| It would be nice to contribute/have a legacy of some sort not
| just be forgotten once I'm gone but that's ego I suppose. There
| is also the desire to stay under the radar.
|
| It does sound like coping eg. you could try harder eg. did I fail
| because I'm not FAANG level.
| munificent wrote:
| I think everyone needs to feel _seen_ --to feel that they have
| some unique value that they provide to their community or tribe.
|
| If you have a rich local network of in person friends and family,
| I think that mostly resolve the unhealthy need to be
| extraordinary. Because I think that need often comes from feeling
| socially isolated and relying on online social interaction for
| validation.
|
| When the public commons where you are seen is run by social media
| aggregators that only highlight the world's best of everything,
| it's very easy to fall into a trap where you feel like unless you
| are front page material, you're nothing.
|
| But the real answer is to get a handful of friends who think
| you're front page material in their actual lives.
| zmmmmm wrote:
| Something else to contemplate: it's striking how often, usually
| after they have died or written their autobiography etc, you find
| out that "extraordinary" people were deeply unhappy in their
| lives. So many of them struggle with depression, self doubt, etc.
| even while appearing externally happy and successful.
|
| So if you have this type of envy, you have to question _why_ you
| want to be extraordinary. If it is because you think it will make
| you happy ... pause for thought and think again. It is far from a
| given that would happen. And then if you decide it 's _not_ to
| make yourself happy? Perhaps you should evaluate whether actually
| pursuing happiness is a more worthwhile purpose in your life.
| egman_ekki wrote:
| This topic strongly resonates with me. I remember Dan Luu's
| controversial take on how being better than 95% of people isn't
| that hard: https://danluu.com/p95-skill/
|
| I find it fascinating that some people are able to achieve so
| much in the same time I have on this planet. I believe it's those
| super-talented and hard working individuals that actually push
| our species forward. Newton, von Neumann, von Braun, etc etc.
|
| How can one not feel sad when they think about similar people.
| sy7ar wrote:
| I don't see why we should feel sad about that since not
| everyone's blessed with the same genes or family background or
| connections. But I guess one can feel sad about not being as
| lucky as others.
| Bubble_Pop_22 wrote:
| > "The internet always highlights the first place winners, the
| billionaires, the award-winning artists, the best-selling
| authors, the largest philanthropists, the extraordinary. Their
| stories are ones of success, of inspiration"
|
| The intro outlines the fact that the author is not familiar with
| the promotional industry.
|
| Allowing for some rare exceptions all the people whose name you
| know are the people who want to be known and go out of their way
| to self-promote.
|
| It's not about the quality of the work per se but the noise being
| generated around it. All those stories of mega-success are
| generated by PR and marketing firms and the person who is the
| protagonist most likely went for a stroll in Central Park after
| the meeting, and be sure that nobody genuflected or got on their
| knees to kiss the ring. Michael Bloomberg took the subaway every
| day.
| cbtacy wrote:
| 1 - if you think you're extraordinary or want to be extraordinary
| you're almost certainly ordinary (and there is nothing wrong with
| that).
|
| 2 - the saddest thing about this very sad piece is the idea that
| "extraordinariness" is about accomplishments and success.
|
| 3 - I think it is fair to say that many actually "extraordinary"
| people would say that it is at best a mixed bag and not
| automatically something to feel jealous about. We live in a
| society where being "not ordinary" aka abnormal is not
| accommodated and often not accepted or tolerated - and where
| being right in the center of the bell curve of human experiences
| and realities means that the world is optimized for you.
| rcarr wrote:
| Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out
| the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and
| depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20
| minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox,
| completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on
| life and training which is to be above average in whatever he
| wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the
| right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this
| is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to
| the left of the peak and you feel bad that you're not as good as
| everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at
| something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order
| to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above
| average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more
| achievable and doesn't require you to become crazy like a lot of
| high achievers. I think it's a pretty good philosophy.
|
| https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U
| chrisdbanks wrote:
| Skills don't follow a bell curve or normal distribution. They
| follow a power law distribution with most people being terrible
| and a very small number of people being exceptional.
| lioeters wrote:
| Today I learned:
|
| > A few notable examples of power laws are Pareto's law of
| income distribution, structural self-similarity of fractals,
| and scaling laws in biological systems.
|
| https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions
|
| An opinionated comparison of the bell-curve and Pareto
| distribution:
|
| > (1) The power law is often an empirical fact (the way
| things are) but not necessarily the platonic idea (the way
| things ought to be); and
|
| > (2) We can tame or mitigate at least some of the negative
| aspects of the power law by encouraging eclectic and diverse
| strategies.
|
| Tyranny of the Power Law -
| http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-
| la...
| ulnarkressty wrote:
| Is it really a power law or just that the right half of the
| bell curve could pass the interview?
| kridsdale2 wrote:
| I've never thought about it this way. Cut off the left side
| of the bell, rotate the graph by 90 degrees, and you can
| see that the high-sigma members of the distribution take
| all the reward and recognition in a limited attention
| economy.
| alawrence wrote:
| Reminds me of this article from Derek Sivers:
| https://sive.rs/bronze
| j7ake wrote:
| Perhaps I would add also these distributions are high
| dimensional. Although being slightly above average is not
| difficult (unlikely to get paid doing it), if you can find a
| handful of non correlated features at which you are above
| average, you can be easily be the top few percent in your sub
| field (ie likely to be paid handsomely for your expertise)
| marginalien wrote:
| ,,being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not
| too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the
| most fun and enjoyment"
|
| So true. So, so true.
| basicallybones wrote:
| I have adopted this approach (somewhat out of failure!), and
| what I have found is this: being significantly above average in
| a lot of unrelated domains is both far easier than being world-
| class in a single domain and often can make you even more
| effective than someone who is a savant in a single domain.
___________________________________________________________________
(page generated 2022-11-23 23:00 UTC)