[HN Gopher] 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifeti...
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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be
spent by age 12
Author : gmays
Score : 77 points
Date : 2022-10-18 21:58 UTC (1 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (www.1000hoursoutside.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.1000hoursoutside.com)
| JoeAltmaier wrote:
| Can confirm.
|
| If you put a penny in a jar every time you spend time with your
| kids until they get to school, then take a penny out every time
| after that, you will never empty that jar.
| silisili wrote:
| Do you mean high school, or college? Surely not elementary...
| gamerDude wrote:
| This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here,
| we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left.
|
| I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I
| felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.
| netsharc wrote:
| Long, but at the end he does the stats about approximate time
| left with his parents:
|
| https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
| Arrath wrote:
| Fuck.
| scarby2 wrote:
| i likely have < 5% left. I moved internationally and have
| parents in their 70s i will likely see them less than 200 days
| in total.
| PragmaticPulp wrote:
| One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is
| that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last
| forever.
|
| I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids
| because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the
| moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain
| that:
|
| 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my
| personal hobbies/activities on weekends. My wife and I are good
| at sharing the load. You don't need 2 parents watching kids 100%
| of the time.
|
| 2) The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the
| scale of a lifetime with kids. You deal with it, then the kids
| grow up quicker than you think. Don't let the idea of the first
| few months/years define your entire decision for how you want to
| structure your family for the rest of your life.
|
| 3) You actually _like_ hanging out with your own kids. I talk to
| a lot of people who are anchored to some negative experience they
| had 10 years ago babysitting for someone else 's kids, as if that
| was representative of parenting life. It's not at all. At the end
| of the day, I actually rush to finish up my work so I can have
| more kid time. It's fun.
| nathanaldensr wrote:
| I wish the author had provided a source for their claim.
| msufan wrote:
| exactly -- it's almost like the author just made the number up
| out of thin air or something...
| dcotter wrote:
| It looks like a back-of-the-envelope calculation to me: twelve
| summers before the developmental changes she mentions divided
| by sixteen, when they start driving, get a summer job, start
| dating, etc. You could probably plot a curve of hours per
| summer, starting to decline at twelve and declining fast after
| sixteen...
| EGreg wrote:
| I don't.
| hanoz wrote:
| Quite. It's too depressingly plausible a thought as it is,
| with digging up evidence that it is actually true too.
| wang_li wrote:
| While it may be a true statistic, it seems to dramatically miss
| the boat. Time spent with a newborn, with an infant, with a four
| year old, with a ten year old, with a sixteen year old, with a
| twenty year old are not the same. You can have more interaction,
| more contentment, more sense of continuity, and more sense of
| family, in a Thanksgiving weekend spent with your adult child and
| their family than the entirety of your kid's first year.
| barbariangrunge wrote:
| What percent of statistics are made up again? 75% maybe?
| luxuryballs wrote:
| 75% are made up, 62% are made up on the spot.
| sklargh wrote:
| My dad's death caused me to reevaluate the relative value of time
| during my child's very early years. Prior to his death, I
| primarily saw them as developmentally critical but personally
| unfulfilling. After his death I reoriented much of my day to
| maximize time spent. I regret that it took this event to make me
| realize this but hey, personal epiphany has costs.
|
| Also - many thanks to the OG Nest team; thanks to your hardware I
| have high quality video of my son and my father together. They
| were only able to meet outside due to peak COVID.
| ourmandave wrote:
| This reminds me of that song I really hate, _Cat 's in the
| Cradle._
|
| I've long since retired, my son's moved away
|
| I called him up just the other day
|
| I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
|
| He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
|
| You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
|
| But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
|
| It's been sure nice talking to you
|
| And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
|
| He'd grown up just like me
|
| My boy was just like me
|
| And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
|
| Little boy blue and the man in the moon
|
| "When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
|
| But we'll get together then, dad
|
| We're gonna have a good time then
| bombcar wrote:
| Search out _Cat 's in the Kettle_ it may help the ear worm.
| abraae wrote:
| This is a verb between my grown son and I.
|
| "You're cat's cradling me, aren't you!"
| davidw wrote:
| Well that's a downer.
| [deleted]
| ProfessorLayton wrote:
| A huge asterisk here is that this varies _greatly_ by culture.
| For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds
| and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support
| well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage
| multigenerational living within a single household (or in
| extremely close proximity like my parents did).
|
| For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as
| long as I wanted, and in fact encouraged me to stay so I could
| save up. Ideally in their eyes I wouldn't even move out until I
| was married. In my parent's culture, I'm not seen as a loser or a
| burden because I'm living with them as an adult, only if I wasn't
| contributing to the family's prosperity. Of course I wanted to
| live my own life sooner than that, but that doesn't mean I left
| as soon as I was 18.
|
| Because of these strong family ties I live within minutes of my
| parents, and still make sure to visit often, even if it's just
| for dinner.
|
| *Where this can breakdown is if one does not fit neatly within
| the boundaries and expectations set by cultural norms.
| daveslash wrote:
| As a stepfather who came into my stepdaughter's life when she had
| just turned 10, I'm not sure how this makes me feel.....
| bombcar wrote:
| If it makes you feel better, _her_ memories will mostly be from
| the post-ten year old era. Think how much of your elementary
| life you can remember, and then your high school.
|
| As CATS famously said, "You have no chance to survive make your
| time."
|
| We're not going to get out of life alive, and how we spend the
| time we have is the only real decision we can make.
| jameshart wrote:
| For you the stats will be different. And that's fine.
|
| It's not like it's the _best_ 75%.
| thenerdhead wrote:
| A nice reminder to call your folks more often and encourage
| different ways of communicating until you find the right way.
| (calls, letters, emails, etc)
| cgsmith wrote:
| The statistic might be accurate but what a terrible way to
| explain it. "75% of the time we spend with...." what? You already
| lost me.
|
| Just say that by the time a child is 12, you have 6 more summers
| left. The impact is greater even if the premise isn't true. Which
| it isn't. It's a false premise. Now you have X years as an adult.
| keithnz wrote:
| on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be
| forgotten, some will be super memorable for their entire lives,
| but a lot of their memories of you as a "parent" and who you are
| as a person will be after the age of 12.
| JamesSwift wrote:
| That was a bittersweet realization for me. Thinking back to my
| own childhood memories and what age they correlate with. I have
| a couple school-specific memories from 4-8 or so. Then they
| kick in more fully from 8-13ish. Then it becomes more "normal".
| My oldest is 8, so he probably will only now begin to remember
| our life together.
| bombcar wrote:
| It's even more scary when you realize that many of your
| memories from that far ago are "enhanced" by photos, etc (the
| brain isn't great at distinguishing) - so take pictures/video
| of the things you'd like to remember, it lasts longer.
| PragmaticPulp wrote:
| > on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be
| forgotten,
|
| A lot of children's life experiences before 12 will shape them
| and their worldview for the rest of their lives, whether they
| actively remember it or not.
| Teknoman117 wrote:
| Feels odd writing this, but for me, being able to defy this was a
| positive consequence of the pandemic.
|
| I lived alone after I finished college and started working. 3.5
| years later this whole pandemic things starts. I ended up moving
| back home for 2 years because my job went full remote. My
| siblings and brother-in-law (sister's husband) joined as well.
|
| It was surreal living together again as adults.
| andirk wrote:
| Who got the top bunk?
|
| I love visiting my family but after a couple weeks, I feel like
| a kid again and start acting like one. Asking for dinner,
| sneaking out to smoke, staying up late watching cable TV. Any
| extended amount of time feels unhealthy.
|
| But now that they're about to start getting actually old, I
| want to visit constantly because nothing is forever.
| etrautmann wrote:
| Isn't it crazy how much context changes behavior? I've found
| the same. Hard not to be my high school self when back with
| those friends.
| Teknoman117 wrote:
| > Who got the top bunk?
|
| If I'm being honest, my parents had an enormous house, so we
| all got our own rooms and there was still an office space
| available. They sold it after we all moved out again.
|
| We all made a tremendous effort to stay adults regarding
| keeping the place in order and cooking. We'd cycle dinner
| prep through all of us based on work schedules. It was
| interesting, and since all of our collective friends took
| lockdown extra seriously, there really was no one to go see.
|
| My parents are in their early 50s, so they're definitely not
| young anymore, but they're still some time away from
| something I'd consider "actually old", but my definition may
| be a bit skewed because 3 of 4 of my grandparents are still
| with us and 2 of them have a clean bill of outside of being
| in their late 70s.
| chrischen wrote:
| It's amazing how many people did this during the pandemic (me
| included).
| [deleted]
| thrown_22 wrote:
| Well yes. There's a lot less need for dipper changes after 12.
| 1-6 wrote:
| Darn, wish I learned of this advice 10 years ago.
| bmacho wrote:
| Every human has exactly 1 testicle, or why you can't just take an
| average and claim that for the group.
| danschumann wrote:
| "Spend all the evenings you can with the people who raised you
| 'Cause all the times they will change, it'll all come around"
| -Lorde
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(page generated 2022-10-18 23:00 UTC)