[HN Gopher] Don't compare yourself to other entrepreneurs
___________________________________________________________________
Don't compare yourself to other entrepreneurs
Author : herbertl
Score : 114 points
Date : 2022-09-13 09:56 UTC (13 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (www.petecodes.io)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.petecodes.io)
| tomrod wrote:
| This feels like an ad for "High Signal" -- but perhaps I am too
| harsh.
| [deleted]
| Nadeus wrote:
| Yes totally - a lot of "entrepreneurs"/marketers publish these
| kind of articles as a pretext to promote their own businesses.
| Which isn't always bad, but in this case it is too blatant.
| realreality wrote:
| Don't try to emulate entrepreneurs; they are sociopaths.
| uptownfunk wrote:
| If you're still comparing yourself to others - you're a far way
| from where you have the potential to be
| mizzao wrote:
| Another unintuitive distinction:
|
| If you compare yourself to others you can only ever follow in
| someone's footsteps while becoming second best...
|
| But if you compare to past yourself, you can potentially get head
| and shoulders above the crowd and become the best.
| GameOfFrowns wrote:
| >But if you compare to past yourself, you can potentially get
| head and shoulders above the crowd and become the best.
|
| That only helps when you're on an upward (career) trajectory
| and optimistic. My younger self was healthier, had more energy,
| more mental acuity, was better-looking, better-liked, less
| cynical, had more opportunities and more time on earth left to
| fulfill their dreams as well as enough naivety to believe he
| could be become the best at something for which other people
| had a natural aptitude and a twenty-year headstart.
| MrDrDr wrote:
| Reminds me of the poem by Matsu Basho: Seek not to follow in
| the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sort.
| bloak wrote:
| Or sought.
| ianai wrote:
| Or you might still be "not at their level" but still at your
| personal best. Be careful about letting external factors and
| actors impact your own self worth. There will absolutely always
| be someone who can appear better than you. Take your self worth
| from inside unless you're a serial killer or something.
|
| Put another way, if you let your personal self worth come from
| external means then you're ripe for being manipulated by toxic
| and malignant sources (people/algorithms).
| CodeSgt wrote:
| Where should an aspiring serial killer get their self-worth
| from then?
| eric4smith wrote:
| Comparison is useful.
|
| Because it shows you where are are and where you could go.
|
| Life is endless comparisons. It's like asking me to lose weight
| without knowing what a skinny (or fatter) person looks like.
|
| Life is also endless competition. It's what drives us. So we
| compare. We contrast. And where possible, we determine if we
| should go higher or admit that we can't go there. But we have
| standards to live up to.
|
| Comparing is what has driven mankind since the beginning of time.
|
| Stopping it would lead to decline. We are not all self assured as
| a market leading company like Apple.
|
| Sometimes it's useful to learn what's out there so we can aspire
| to it or recognize our limitations.
| neogodless wrote:
| This is addressed in part by this section of the article:
|
| https://www.petecodes.io/dont-compare-yourself-to-others/#so...
| safety1st wrote:
| If someone's really good at a specific thing you should compare
| how you do it to how they do it.
|
| Like if they have a great sales team you should look at it and
| ask, what do they do differently, is there something I should
| copy or adapt.
|
| Comparing who you are to who they are is best done sparingly or
| not at all. It produces a sort of negative energy which some
| people do have the ability to harness, but it also runs you
| down.
| paulpauper wrote:
| Many of these overhyped entrepreneurs lost gobs of money with
| crypto over the past year. You see these guys with crypto
| hashtags on social media profiles s or on resumes. Goes to show
| how the boring old college route is still hard to beat and one of
| the best ways to create wealth, and also how quickly fortunes can
| turn. Markets fall so fast, so no wealth made as prices fall,
| wages represent accumulated gains. Today's overhyped entrepreneur
| is tomorrow's big loser after the market falls.
| throwaway98797 wrote:
| always ask what can i learn from my fellow entrepreneurs
|
| even if it's just what not to do
|
| no one's path is easy even if it appears so
| herbertl wrote:
| Your comment also reminds me of a meaningful, subtle,
| difference between comparing vs. referencing.
| [deleted]
| wintorez wrote:
| Don't compare yourself to others.
| 3bproblem wrote:
| If anyone ever learns how to actually stop comparing themselves
| to others I'd love to hear it. Many of the most well-adjusted,
| pleasant people that I know still compare themselves to others
| naturally, it feels like a subconscious behavior almost at the
| level of breathing or getting hungry. (I liked the article
| though)
| hatware wrote:
| In my experience it is the ego that wants to compare. As I've
| gotten older I've noticed the comparisons have less jealousy
| and confusion, more envy and understanding of the complexity.
| sedeki wrote:
| Reminds me of French philosopher Rene Girard's (whom Peter
| Thiel talks much about) mimetic theory:
|
| https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mimetic_theory
| bheadmaster wrote:
| One way is to reject the idea of free will as an absolute.
| Every effect has a cause, and the causality chains extend from
| the beginning of time (assuming there is such a thing). Humans
| are part of nature, and the causality chains also control each
| and every human's actions and destiny.
|
| It's somewhat related to the Nietzsche's concept of Amor Fati:
| "My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that
| one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward,
| not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still
| less conceal it - all idealism is mendacity in the face of what
| is necessary - but love it."
| sanitycheck wrote:
| This is what I believe, but people who think free will exists
| seem generally happier so I don't try to convince anyone.
| JohnFen wrote:
| Free will may or may not exist. But believing in free will
| is incredibly useful.
| bheadmaster wrote:
| Maybe.
|
| But perhaps the cause-effect relationship is inverted -
| perhaps generally happier people tend to think free will
| exists, because they never had a reason to doubt it? In
| contrast, people who are generally unhappier are the ones
| who are thinking about topics such as free will,
| determinism, etc. to try to make sense of the world.
| Sometimes it works, and makes them less unhappy - but they
| had to _be_ unhappy in the first place to start thinking
| about it.
| tjs8rj wrote:
| What exactly is the issue with comparing oneself to others?
|
| I came from a less fortunate background in some ways, and
| LinkedIn has been a godsend for me to compare myself to others
| and get to where I want to be: I just look people up who I'm
| really impressed by, see their history and combined with other
| research I find the patterns that got them where they are, and
| then develop goals for myself to surpass them. It's almost like
| they're my mentor and don't even know it.
|
| I wouldn't say I'm wildly successful now, but any time I
| encounter someone noticeably "more successful" along the axes I
| care about, there's a moment of envy that quickly turns into
| "what can I learn from this person to accomplish that and
| surpass them"? I'm way more accomplished than I was even just a
| year ago, and I find myself saying that every year. I've sold
| businesses, lead teams, received awards, and have accomplished
| things that just a few years ago seemed like a pinnacle of
| success because of this mindset.
|
| Comparing oneself to others is so powerful, especially now the
| availability of peoples background info basically makes it a
| labeled dataset for learning how to become "successful" in
| whatever way you define it. I think that's always been the
| point of it biologically: if you're worried you're falling
| behind - fix it! The issue is the same as calorie counting:
| there's a healthy way to do it and an unhealthy way. Most
| people compare themselves to others in the unhealthy way, so
| it's unproductive and just anxiety-inducing. The healthy way
| uses that low level anxiety as a catalyst for action.
| mym1990 wrote:
| I don't think there is an issue with it when done in
| moderation, but with social media it has become more wanting
| an end result without understanding the process or the risks
| involved with getting there. If studying others and using
| that knowledge to move up in the world is working for you and
| gives you fulfillment, I think that is a great thing.
| cosmojg wrote:
| > there's a moment of envy that quickly turns into "what can
| I learn from this person to accomplish that and surpass
| them"?
|
| Therein lies the rub. Many have not developed this skill, and
| it isn't taught anywhere. In American culture, when a person
| verbally relates or otherwise expresses their negative
| emotions experienced as a result of comparing themselves with
| others, most other people will respond with some variation of
| "don't worry about it," whether that's friendly reassurance
| that their worth lies elsewhere or a bit of patronizing
| admonishment for immaturely keeping up with the Joneses in
| the first place. Rarely are people handed a guide to using
| those feelings constructively.
|
| But yeah, learning to do so can get you quite far in life.
| JohnFen wrote:
| > I just look people up who I'm really impressed by, see
| their history and combined with other research I find the
| patterns that got them where they are, and then develop goals
| for myself to surpass them.
|
| I suppose that's a kind of "comparing yourself to others",
| but I think it's more accurate to say that's "learning from
| others" rather than comparing.
|
| You are not assessing your worth based on the perceived worth
| of others. Your are spotting people who have accomplished
| things similar to what you want to accomplish and seeing how
| they got there.
|
| Two entirely different things.
| unity1001 wrote:
| > What exactly is the issue with comparing oneself to others?
|
| Because the society's standards are capricious, and they
| change almost every decade. They can even suddenly change in
| a single year. What is 'the place to be' a yesterday could be
| a place that people don't want to be tomorrow. What's 'cool'
| yesterday can be 'lame' tomorrow. If one builds his or her
| life on the society's changing perspective, he or she can
| easily end up unhappy in a decade or two, being in a place
| and situation which does not merit the effor that went into
| it to get it and keep it.
|
| The ideal is going in the direction which YOU want to go.
| Where YOU want to be. That's where all those 'inner drive'
| talk comes from. And they are right - in 10-20 years, all the
| people who had shaped the standards of the current society as
| adults or parents will be gone. The standards and
| perspectives will change. It happens every ~20 years. And
| when that happens, its better to have that 20 years lived by
| your own standards and drives than the ever-shifting societal
| standards.
| marginalia_nu wrote:
| I don't think these two things are mutually exclusive. It's
| fully possible someone else is living a life that is what I
| want my life to be, not because social standards have
| forced anyone to do anything, but because they've
| accomplished (through intrinsic motivation) what I also set
| out to accomplish (through intrinsic motivation).
| unity1001 wrote:
| > It's fully possible someone else is living a life that
| is what I want my life to be
|
| Its fully possible, but its also statistically improbable
| for enough number of people to be doing that, and even
| more improbable for it being a common aspiration in the
| society. The aspirations and standards of the society
| generally follow the lines of money and a hip/desirable
| status at any given time according to the dominant fad.
| hnfong wrote:
| I think what you're saying is "most people blindly follow
| trends", which might be true. But it seems totally
| orthogonal to whether somebody is comparing themselves to
| others because they are trend followers or not. Your
| argument basically is "but it's quite likely a random
| person is a trend follower anyway", but that's not a good
| reason to tell people to avoid compare themselves to
| others. Rather it's a good reason to tell people not to
| follow fads...
| unity1001 wrote:
| > I think what you're saying is "most people blindly
| follow trends"
|
| More than that. Society, especially parents, relatives
| and peer groups keep pressure on the individuals to
| follow the 'desirable' trends.
|
| > "but it's quite likely a random person is a trend
| follower anyway"
|
| Yes. That's quite likely. Because the general sample set
| available to the public for making comparisons, generally
| end up people who have followed the trends. Be it among
| the relatives, be it from the sample set at Linked in.
| You will scarcely find people saying 'I became a poet and
| Im happy' or "I followed my dream of becoming an oil rig
| worker instead of a lawyer". The public, vocal feedback
| will tend to follow the society's requirements.
| marginalia_nu wrote:
| I'm not sure I follow why that would be. Surely most
| people, even when intrinsically motivated, would be
| expected to gravitate toward certain common interests
| that are appealing to human beings at large.
|
| You're more likely to find a human interested in learning
| to play the guitar than staring intently at a squirrel
| out the window for hours (although a a cat might be
| interested in that).
| unity1001 wrote:
| > would be expected to gravitate toward certain common
| interests that are appealing to human beings at large.
|
| They do. But these rarely end up being the jobs that the
| society respects and recommends. Things may change in
| near future with new ways of working and making a living.
| But currently, what you really want to do and what
| society things to be 'good' will likely not overlap.
| marginalia_nu wrote:
| Sure, but I can still envy and admire someone for
| succeeding according to my standards, regardless of what
| society says about them.
| unity1001 wrote:
| Of course. Anyone can admire anyone, and actually people
| should admire people. But choosing to govern one's own
| life and fate over other people is not a good way to go
| where one really would want to be, from deep inside.
| xapata wrote:
| Not all success has deterministic causes.
| JohnFen wrote:
| People hate to admit this, but it's true -- success
| requires a large amount of pure, dumb luck.
|
| That's not to say intelligent effort isn't necessary -- it
| is -- but it's not sufficient.
| jensneuse wrote:
| How does a busy entrepreneur have time to compare themselves to
| others?
| crhulls wrote:
| I am sure there is some strong correlation between drive,
| entrepreneurial success, an always-on churning mind, and
| insomnia. And lying in bed awake at night is a hard time to
| choose your own thoughts - it just happens.
| baxtr wrote:
| When I'm in comparing mode, I use two "hacks":
|
| 1. If you compare yourself and envy someone, consider what you
| specifically envy. Then consider whether you are willing to
| change EVERYTHING with that person to get that one thing. Their
| parents, their childhood, their spouse, and so on. I always say
| no and move on.
|
| 2. Instead of comparing yourself upwards, compare yourself
| downwards. We frequently envy people who are more successful,
| wealthy, intelligent, and so on. But how many people envy you?
| How many people are actually less successful, less wealthy, or
| less intelligent? Most of the time it helps to calm me down.
| crackercrews wrote:
| Regarding #1:
|
| As a young man, I was out for a bike ride when a man drove
| past me in a very expensive Mercedes coupe. My first thought
| was that I would love to be in his shoes, and what an amazing
| life he must have.
|
| My next thought was that a man of his age would probably see
| a young man like me out for a weekend bike ride and wistfully
| think of his own youth. Not just the vigor of youth but also
| the lack of responsibilities.
| crhulls wrote:
| This makes me think of the adage:
|
| -When you are young you have energy and time but no money
| -When you are an adult you have money and energy but no
| time -When you are old you have time and money but no
| energy
|
| Obviously the answer is to embrace what you have in the
| moment but easier said than done.
| nuancebydefault wrote:
| Super nice trilogy, above thread!!!
| yodsanklai wrote:
| I think most of the time, comparing doesn't mean envying.
| It's often a feeling of being inadequate, or feeling to not
| meet expectations other people put on us.
| NhanH wrote:
| There is a saying in Vietnamese roughly translated to
| "Looking upwards, I'm worse than everyone. Looking downwards,
| everyone is worse than me."
|
| https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/trong_len_thi_chang_bang_ai.
| ..
| niemal_dev wrote:
| And thus it is very wise to be grounded to the reality,
| however that is possible. Everyone is worse than me ==
| superiority. Everyone is better than me == inferiority.
| Everyone does what they can and I should focus on what I
| can also, believing in myself and investing in my own
| growth == freedom.
| danenania wrote:
| Can't find a link, but there have been some studies on
| students and schools that show the students near the top of
| their class in not-so-great schools tend to be more
| successful than kids who are below average in elite
| schools, even if the latter have higher test scores. It
| really shows you the power of comparison and the importance
| of choosing the right pond for the size of fish you are.
| danenania wrote:
| While it's pretty morbid, another thing to consider is that
| whatever thing that person has that you want, there have been
| countless people who had copious amounts of that thing and
| were still so depressed that they killed themselves. That
| includes plenty of people who were the envy of everyone
| around them.
|
| It's a good reminder that there are no silver bullets when it
| comes to happiness and a meaningful life. Beyond meeting
| basic needs, it's much more about being happy with what you
| have than trying to obtain something that you don't.
| antisthenes wrote:
| > another thing to consider is that whatever thing that
| person has that you want, there have been countless people
| who had copious amounts of that thing and were still so
| depressed that they killed themselves.
|
| I find this lazy argument completely unconvincing and
| reject it entirely.
|
| Very rarely would something like 2x total comp change the
| way someone lives, and if suddenly stumbling into a double
| income radically changes your life to the point where you
| become depressed, then that's kind of on you. Get therapy
| (you can actually afford it now), trade your money for more
| free time, seek meaning, be more generous and altruistic -
| acquire more friends, help others.
|
| > Beyond meeting basic needs, it's much more about being
| happy with what you have
|
| That sounds nice on paper, until you realize you've lived a
| few decades unable to afford anything beyond basic needs. I
| know this is HN, so 90% of people here are in an income
| bubble, but please try to imagine for a split second how
| miserable life is if you can't afford hobbies, healthcare,
| stable housing, or a companion pet.
| danenania wrote:
| "Get therapy (you can actually afford it now), trade your
| money for more free time, seek meaning, be more generous
| and altruistic - acquire more friends, help others."
|
| I don't dispute that people who do these things would
| tend to be happier on average, and I agree they are all
| good ideas, but we can also conclusively say they aren't
| silver bullets, since there are many people who do all
| those things but still end up finding their lives so
| intolerable that they kill themselves.
|
| "try to imagine for a split second how miserable life is
| if you can't afford hobbies, healthcare, stable housing,
| or a companion pet"
|
| I'd put healthcare and stable housing in the basic needs
| bucket, though of course they both exist on a spectrum.
|
| And again, that's my point. There are countless people
| who have enough money that they have no financial worries
| whatsoever and yet are still miserable, while there are
| others with a modest income who feel content. If you are
| unhappy and feel that making more money will fix it, and
| you're not struggling with basic needs, this should
| indicate that at the very least, there's no guarantee it
| will be a solution to your unhappiness.
| antisthenes wrote:
| I understand your point, and like I already said, it's a
| lazy argument that boils down to "rich people sometimes
| have it hard too".
|
| Sure, yes, that happens. But on average they have the
| resources to deal with it, so bringing it up every time
| is tired, lazy and disrespectful to those who are
| struggling and have no safety network.
|
| You're free to think otherwise.
| danenania wrote:
| It obviously _doesn 't_ boil down to that. It doesn't
| seem to me that you actually read and understood what I
| wrote (either that or you're deliberately
| mischaracterizing for whatever reason), so it's a bit
| ironic for you to talk about lazy arguments.
| spaghettiToy wrote:
| Taylor_OD wrote:
| Eh. It depends on the context for me. I try to only compare me
| to me. An easy way to do that is to compare me to a ~6 month
| version of me. I started a job about 6 months ago. Comparing
| today me to that previous me is straightforward. I knew little
| about React when starting this job. Now I've shipped multiple
| react projects.
|
| I started doing bjj about 6 months ago. Its obvious to me that
| if I was wrestling against myself from 6 months ago it would be
| easy to beat myself.
|
| This becomes harder as you have more experience in something,
| comparing your 5.6 years of exp to your 5 years is less obvious
| than 6 month and 0 months, but its still possible if you are
| tracking your achievements.
|
| I have a "hype" doc where I write down my accomplishments every
| three weeks. Sometimes there are many. Sometimes there are only
| 1 or 2 things to note.
|
| Do I still feel very silly and incompetent when pairing with a
| significantly more senior engineer? Do I still get smashed by
| more experienced grapplers? Sure. But I dont have to dwell on
| it because I know I'm making progress of my own.
| steve76 wrote:
| mym1990 wrote:
| I think there is a healthy way and an unhealthy way to go about
| it. Suppressing the urge to compare ourselves to others seems
| like it would be counterproductive and energy intensive. Some
| people take it a step further though and use others as a hard
| reference point for themselves. The issue I see with this is
| that we pretty much never know what is going on with someone
| else past a surface level, and this behavior can mute our
| individualistic strengths as well.
|
| This isn't to say that having a reference point is not a good
| thing to have, role models can be a great thing. It is not
| difficult to imagine the best and worst version of yourself,
| and just use that as a spectrum for moving through life, imo.
| mvaliente2001 wrote:
| I've been reading The Courage To Be Disliked" about Adler's
| theories, and it's very interesting. According to him, we all
| have feelings of inferiority. It's normal and could even be
| healthy, it'll help us to improve. What's negative is the
| inferiority complex: when we internalise our feelings of
| inferiority and use them as an excuse to avoid changing.
|
| The idea of feelings of inferiority being a normal part of
| living is freeing, it helps to accept them.
| monting wrote:
| I'd say practicing non-dualism a la Zen Buddhism helps a lot.
| In short it helps see through preconceived (or any form of)
| notions, such that one doesn't become attached, including to
| the notion of becoming unattached itself.
|
| It points outs that the separation of our individual self from
| others can be seen as illusory, that we're all deeply
| connected. Sure my left arm is weaker than my right, but that
| doesn't make it "less important", and in fact thinking in such
| a way is preposterous. But might be useful in another context
| such as left/right balance for fitness.
| shishy wrote:
| I think rather than focusing on "not comparing myself" to
| others in general I make sure I don't obsess over it when I
| do... it's kind of inevitable and not something I can perfectly
| stop doing, but I can certainly control not letting those
| thoughts overrun everything else I have going on.
| anon_123g987 wrote:
| Compare yourself to others every time you want, but always
| remember this Venn diagram: https://i.imgur.com/pVoiW0l.png.
| Blackstone4 wrote:
| My view is that we are human and comparison is a subconscious
| activity like you said. I feel one can become aware of when one
| is comparing and walk back from it. Being pleased for others
| people success is helpful here.
| caloique wrote:
| Agree, I think it is impossible not to compare with others. I
| don't think you always have to "walk back from it", sometimes
| is good to achieve your goals, the challenge is doing it in a
| healthy way.
| tolulade_ato wrote:
| didgetmaster wrote:
| We live in a competitive/comparison world (sports, wealth,
| titles, etc.) and the tech industry is no different. Which CPU is
| fastest? Which programming language is most popular? Which OS has
| the most users? Nearly every category has a score-keeper
| somewhere.
|
| Where would we be if that competitive behavior didn't drive
| people to do better? I have a data management project that I
| regularly benchmark against conventional file systems and
| databases. I get a thrill when a set of DB queries run 3x or 4x
| faster than on Postgres or MySQL.
| (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVICKCkWMZE) But am I satisfied?
| No! I sit down and try to figure out how to make it even faster,
| easier, or use less resources.
| ketzo wrote:
| I don't think it's overly pedantic to sat that you're comparing
| your _product_ , your _work_ , to others.
|
| That's different (and probably healthier) than comparing your
| _self_
| didgetmaster wrote:
| That is certainly true, but how many of us tie our self worth
| to things that we create? If you have a project that you have
| spent years pouring your heart and soul into, how can you not
| personally be affected if it succeeds or fails?
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