[HN Gopher] Ask HN: How do startups/lean teams successfully hand...
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       Ask HN: How do startups/lean teams successfully handle mat/pat
       leave?
        
       Husband and I are expecting our first kid. We have decent mat/pat
       benefits for the US (3-4 mo each) but manage lean teams and are
       stressed about the impact our leave will have on our teams & us
       when we return.  If you're manager of a lean team or startup, how
       have you effectively handled your or an employee's mat/pat leave
       when in reality, your biz is already short-staffed? Temporary
       promotions? Contractors? Spreading the work across the team?  (To
       be clear, both our companies are supportive of leave, so this isn't
       a question about whether to take the leave or working during
       leave.)
        
       Author : jd_illa
       Score  : 122 points
       Date   : 2022-09-02 15:35 UTC (7 hours ago)
        
       | mikehollinger wrote:
       | Oh! I am just (next week) wrapping up leave! First -
       | congratulations! My husband and I just had our first kiddo
       | earlier this year and went through a similar "what do we do" sort
       | of moment. We managed our time and workload by going to a "one
       | week on, one week off" schedule, alternating between the two of
       | us. Oh aside from all this - definitely pay money for Huckleberry
       | (or an app like it). It will help you just manage your life. :-)
       | 
       | A lot of this is borrowed from Manager Tools "How To Go On
       | Vacation" podcast. [1]
       | 
       | Here's what worked and what didn't for me:
       | 
       | What worked:
       | 
       | A. Name a clear "number one." [2] In my case I named two since I
       | have a tech leadership role. I called out one of our lead
       | architects as my "number one," and my peer director as an HR
       | focal.
       | 
       | B. Make a list of everything on your plate, and your team's
       | plate. For each item, write down a small summary of it, and then
       | figure out who owns it. Tell that person they now own that work
       | item. If you don't have a clear owner, the "number one" you chose
       | becomes the owner.
       | 
       | C. I gave my team ~6 months (after we told family), a three month
       | reminder, a one month reminder, and then "it's go time" when our
       | baby showed up three weeks early. :-)
       | 
       | D. I took the list of projects and made a company-wide (not
       | public) shared read only doc that had "if you're looking for X,
       | contact ___," and put at the top and bottom "if you need anything
       | that's not on this list, talk to ___" (your number one).
       | 
       | E. My husband and I both took off the first two weeks, then
       | started the "on/off" schedule. I set two different out-of-office
       | notifications when I'm out. The _external_ one said I was out for
       | paternity leave, promised baby pictures, and had the two contacts
       | (my number one and director). The _internal_ one said the same as
       | the external, but also had a link to the  "coverage doc" that
       | explained project-by-project who to reach out to. It also said in
       | blunt instructions: "No news is good news. Please make a decision
       | without me. If you can't, or need help, contact (number one). If
       | you need air cover, contact (director). If we will do irreparable
       | harm to the business or you have a business continuity or ethics
       | concern, text me. I won't be checking email or slack."
       | 
       | F. Turn off notifications / uninstall email / slack etc on your
       | phone. Enjoy those first two weeks. :-)
       | 
       | G Book a "catch up" meeting ahead of time with your number one
       | and any key contacts for when you return.
       | 
       | J. Book 1:1's with key contacts for every week you return from
       | leave. DEFINITELY DO THIS. YOU WILL BE OUT OF TOUCH. THIS IS A
       | WAY TO LESSEN THE PROBLEM AND MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS.
       | 
       | Some warnings:
       | 
       | M. After a few weeks we "got the hang of it," and caved on the "I
       | won't check in" rule and started lurking on slack. Once people
       | figured it out they started slacking me, which started a feedback
       | loop. Don't start the feedback loop.
       | 
       | N. A few times I tried to work a day on my "off" weeks because it
       | felt like "I got this!" or something urgent came up. It wasn't a
       | good use of time or a good idea. I was out of sync with the team,
       | and about 1/3 of the time behind b/c I hadn't scrolled through
       | -all- of the slack channels to see that issue X had already been
       | addressed.
       | 
       | O. You're pushing work down. That means that folks are going to
       | have to push work off of their plates themselves. They should not
       | turn around and delegate something you are delegating to them.
       | You should expect them to take a task from you, and then stop
       | doing one or more other tasks by either delegating those
       | "smaller" things to someone else, or dropping them to the floor
       | ("Mike's on paternity leave, I'm covering for him, sorry I can't
       | do your TPS report" is a fair answer). Emphasize that delegation
       | model.
       | 
       | [1] https://www.manager-tools.com/2015/05/how-go-vacation-part-1
       | 
       | [2] You should have a lieutenant / number one anyway just for
       | succession planning / hit-by-a-bus reasons.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | SkyPuncher wrote:
       | I've done this. I lead a lean team and took parental leave last
       | year.
       | 
       | * Start now by trusting your team with absolutely anything you
       | can. For about 2 months before my leave, I was extremely explicit
       | with my team that I was attempting to deprecate myself. I wanted
       | feedback on what they thought were risks.
       | 
       | * Consider using the time for someone else to "test try" your
       | job. Think someone would be interested in being a manager, it's
       | their time to try it. You will need to be explicitly clear that
       | they own your job while you're out and they will need to make
       | changes as they see fit.
       | 
       | * Ask your boss or peer to do 1:1's with the person stepping in
       | your place
       | 
       | -----
       | 
       | On my team, this was pretty successful. It created an opportunity
       | for me to step to the next level and someone else to follow in
       | behind me. That situation won't be true for all teams. However,
       | startups are intended to grow. Grow your people now, so you're
       | ready when you really need them.
        
         | servercobra wrote:
         | Thanks for posting this! I'm CTO at a pretty new startup and
         | hopefully going to be on paternity leave next year. This makes
         | me feel a little bit better about it and seems like a great
         | approach.
        
           | jnovek wrote:
           | As someone who has been a new CTO before: I suggest you
           | practice delegating. It will be great for your parental leave
           | and, as you outgrow your current responsibilities, you'll
           | need those skills.
           | 
           | This is especially true if you were previously a good team-
           | facing manager. When you're accustomed to protecting your
           | team's productivity and well-being, delegating can feel very
           | unnatural.
        
             | yjftsjthsd-h wrote:
             | Also, if the company does well you absolutely have to be
             | able to delegate or you'll quickly become a bottleneck, as
             | the company and people who work under you scale out and you
             | remain single threaded.
        
           | SkyPuncher wrote:
           | Adding on top my earlier comment.
           | 
           | One of the best things about parental leave was it felt like
           | I was coming back to the open slate of a new job, but was
           | already familiar with the company/culture/etc.
           | 
           | Since my team had taken over all of my responsibilities, it
           | helped me realized what I didn't have to do so I could focus
           | on the broader picture.
        
         | jxramos wrote:
         | I second this. When our boss on my team went on maternity leave
         | one of the teammates stepped up to take on her role and get
         | that slice of managerial experience. It worked pretty well for
         | everyone involved and kept the ball rolling.
        
       | bebop wrote:
       | I cannot speak to how you live your life, but I find myself very
       | invested in my job. This is in general a good thing (I think) as
       | it provides me the mental state to try and do the best job that I
       | can as working hard is easy. The question you have posed leads me
       | to believe you may feel similarly.
       | 
       | That said, my two boys (5 months, 6 years) are the most important
       | thing in my life (along with my wife of course). My second son is
       | 5 months old now and I just took 3 months off to care for him. I
       | wish I had more time, 2 years might be enough. When my first son
       | was born I only took two weeks of vacation, which was not even
       | close to enough. It is something I still regret.
       | 
       | While I do not like to give parenting advice, I can say with
       | certainty, you should take as much time as you possibly can.
       | Don't think about work, don't look at work, try not to worry
       | about work, it will be there when you return. As a mother, spend
       | time to recover physically. No matter how the child is born, the
       | process is very physically taxing and your body will change a lot
       | in the following weeks/months. Make sure you are keeping an eye
       | on your mental health, postpartum depression is not something to
       | take lightly. Most important, try to relax (it is hard) and just
       | love your child. The first months are wild.
        
       | indymike wrote:
       | > If you're manager of a lean team or startup, how have you
       | effectively handled your or an employee's mat/pat leave when in
       | reality, your biz is already short-staffed? Temporary promotions?
       | Contractors? Spreading the work across the team?
       | 
       | I usually make a replacement hire and ask the person returning
       | from leave if they want to keep doing what they were doing (this
       | is a legal obligation) and if the returnee says yes, I offer to
       | move the replacement to a different role (if the replacement is
       | redundant and productive). In a small startup, leaves are a great
       | way to expand the team - you get a great person back, and have a
       | no risk way to try out a new person. You just have to remember
       | that people on leave... be it National Guard, maternity or any
       | other contractual or legally mandated leave absolutely have to
       | get their old job back, and excuses for not doing so will result
       | in painful, often losing litigation.
        
       | vivegi wrote:
       | Do you have a business continuity plan (for your team) that is
       | part of the continuity plan for the overall business? If not, use
       | this opportunity to create one. I am guessing based on my past
       | experience that a fast moving startup may not have had time to
       | fully plan an effective BCP (customer facting processes,
       | technology, organization, people and process). So, doing this is
       | generally valuable in the long run.
       | 
       | When you start thinking in these terms, you will be able to
       | figure out obvious solutions that include rotating
       | responsibilities amongst team members, how to handle inter-
       | departmental expectations and agreements etc., Involve your team
       | members as well so you get a full picture of all the risks and
       | you can come up with mitigation plans (or at the least know the
       | gaps so that you can go to your manager and have an intelligent
       | discussion).
       | 
       | If you have enough time to plan this out, you can consider adding
       | a couple of paid interns to the group to help your team members
       | with the workload, freeing them up for taking on your tasks while
       | you are away. Or if additional hiring is anyway planned for the
       | future, you may be able to talk your management into advancing
       | one or two hires sooner to help the business sail through this.
       | 
       | Most reasonable business managers will be able to look at things
       | wholistically and help you find a solution that helps you and the
       | business. There may also be resources from other departments that
       | they may be able to borrow to help you, so don't assume anything.
       | 
       | Enjoy your well-deserved timeoff with your family.
        
       | Blackstone4 wrote:
       | View it as an opportunity for your promising team members to step
       | and develop. It will give them space to flourish. Sell it that
       | way as a win-win. When you come back, you will hopefully have a
       | stronger team and can build on it as you grow.
       | 
       | If you are short-staff try to hire ASAP.
        
       | qprofyeh wrote:
       | Depends on the people. I promoted someone from my team, and when
       | I came back it was much easier to pick up where I left off. I can
       | imagine that that's going to be more of a challenge when the
       | company hires someone entirely new to do your job. Several ex
       | colleagues who came back, started job hunting after a few weeks
       | in, because their expectations changed and less intensive jobs at
       | larger companies seemed better paced.
        
       | wjossey wrote:
       | I took 5 weeks off from my startup when I had my first, and I'll
       | be taking 3 months off for my second who arrives end of the
       | month. I'm at a larger organization now in a leadership role, and
       | my past startup I was one of three.
       | 
       | As others are already writing, you should take some bonding time
       | and adjustment time, regardless of company size. Those first few
       | weeks are a huge adjustment, and you need to focus on your
       | family, partner, and newborn, more than a company.
       | 
       | How long is appropriate then becomes a question of a number of
       | factors. I don't want to make a value judgment on anyone who
       | feels like 2 weeks is enough vs someone who says 12 weeks is the
       | minimum. Life is complicated and nobody knows your situation
       | better than you. But, you should optimize first for your family,
       | and then once that is finished, figure out what a return to work
       | timeline looks like.
       | 
       | Parenthood is such a wild journey with its own unique set of
       | challenges, struggles, and joys. My best to you and your partner.
       | 
       | Godspeed.
        
       | codegeek wrote:
       | Few things that would help:
       | 
       | - Find the next best person/team members who could shadow some of
       | what you do, if not all. Work closely with them to pick up your
       | stuff even before you leave
       | 
       | - Document all the complex stuff you do as much as possible.
       | Never underestimate the power of documentation, even if not
       | perfect. We maintain an internal Wiki and I am always pushing
       | everyone to document whatever they can especially repeating
       | processes. No matter how small.
       | 
       | - Start delegating already and do trial runs. For example, you
       | run that monthly meeting ? Let the other person run it while you
       | are still around and on the meetings.
       | 
       | - Set expectations early on that you will not be available and
       | the rest of the team has to work accordingly.
       | 
       | Unfortunately, in lean teams, there is no easy way. But it is
       | also true that nothing stops just because 1 person is not
       | available even though it can be a bit difficult. Human beings are
       | very good at adapting especially when they have no choice.
       | 
       | So do your best and enjoy your time off.
        
       | rufius wrote:
       | Generally, everyone should have clear goals - use OKR's if you
       | want for this.
       | 
       | If the goals are clear and time bound, then execution be
       | straightforward enough. The trick is what to do if things don't
       | go according to plan.
       | 
       | I generally ask my team to do a little tabletop for the quarter
       | on what "release valves" or alternate routes we have to
       | accomplishing the goal.
       | 
       | Also - if you're essential to the team executing, you're already
       | behind. Engineers aren't fungible cogs, but part of a leader's
       | job is to teach team members how to do their job.
       | 
       | A resilient team can execute without all members because there's
       | shared goals and roles/responsibilities.
        
         | freeqaz wrote:
         | A quarter is like a decade at an early stage startup though.
         | I'm not sure how many employees OPs company has though, so
         | maybe they're at a bigger stage.
         | 
         | We're at 4 people currently and it would be extremely difficult
         | to set goals that span 3 months. There is too much in flux.
        
           | rufius wrote:
           | The goals don't need to be minute and fine grained.
           | 
           | They could be as simple as "onboard 20 new customers by
           | December 15".
           | 
           | From there, you build whatever is necessary to capture 20 new
           | customers.
        
       | hirundo wrote:
       | First, get the priorities straight:
       | 
       | https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/wwpzhh/whe...
        
       | throwoway876 wrote:
       | > If you're manager of a lean team or startup, how have you
       | effectively handled your or an employee's mat/pat leave when in
       | reality, your biz is already short-staffed? Temporary promotions?
       | Contractors? Spreading the work across the team?
       | 
       | I took two months of paternity leave in my funded startup of 2
       | people. I told my colleague (an experienced guy but nonetheless
       | my subordinate) to take a 2 month vacation and said nothing to
       | anyone else. It was fine. My wife is in a profession with 65hr
       | actual weeks and it was the maximum time she had.
       | 
       | The reality is that in places that are big enough to have
       | subordinates / tiers with enough autonomy, it doesn't really
       | matter.
       | 
       | Your work is going to seem so easy compared to the baby.
       | Especially because you go from working like 10-20 real hours to
       | 70.
       | 
       | That said, now is the time to find another job. Especially if you
       | are going to start your leave before delivery. There is so much
       | discrimination in workplaces against this "change of
       | arrangement." Every high powered intelligent new mom I know who
       | came to their own conclusion to seek new work was delighted she
       | did so.
        
       | nithayakumar wrote:
       | I cofounded a company and had my first kid 4 months later - it
       | was brutal. I took 2 weeks off completely but then had to take a
       | bunch of days after because babies are hard work.
       | 
       | What I would do next time:
       | 
       | - Take more than 2 weeks (lol)
       | 
       | - Communicate expectations before and during
       | 
       | - Assign out your core responsibilities (start by looking at last
       | months meetings and seeing who wouldve been best to replace you)
       | 
       | - Be available via Slack and E-mail when needed
       | 
       | - Put wife and baby first (this means slack/emails only get
       | tended to when baby is napping and your not cooking/cleaning,
       | etc.)
        
       | whispersnow wrote:
       | It depends on how long this leave takes. 6wks, 12wks, 6 months?
       | 
       | All your current work loads can be categorized into A)urgent
       | -important; B) urgent - not-important; C) not urgent- important
       | and though we thought for startups, there won't be D) not-urgent
       | and not-important, but there could be - if you question those
       | tasks really hard lol.
       | 
       | I would recommend treat ABCD with different approaches. For
       | A)Have the plan and directions, hand over to a current colleague
       | you trust, or your manager. B) Hire an immediate contract for
       | this, or ignore it for now. C) Have a thought and plan on this,
       | have your stake on this, but depends on how long you are leaving
       | - this could be the best re-entry task for your coming back! D)
       | the key take away for D is really to identify those and then
       | cross them.
       | 
       | Hope this helps.
        
       | quelsolaar wrote:
       | Im the CTO of a company that got funded, about the first time i
       | became a parent. In the year since i have been promoted to CEO.
       | Living in Sweden i have access to generous paternity leave, but
       | taking it out would kill my company.
       | 
       | Some how im making it work and am pretty close to an equal
       | parent. You learn tricks, like you best friend is a headset.
       | Keyboard time is extremely valuable, so i try to use it for code,
       | and use voice for a lot of communication. I love my job so if i
       | can spend 8h working and 8h with my son life is good and i dont
       | need more, if i can do both like taking a meeting when in the
       | park things are stellar.
       | 
       | Dont get me wrong its hard, but loving what you do is the key to
       | doing anything that is hard.
        
       | hn_throwaway_99 wrote:
       | I don't really agree with the other comments so far, as they
       | minimize the impact that your leave will have on your remaining
       | team members. "They will self manage and someone else will step
       | up." But the corollary there is that if your teams can handle
       | just as well _without_ you as _with_ you, then the rational
       | decision would be for your company to just fire you if you aren
       | 't raising the output or success probabilities of your team.
       | 
       | First off, yes, I agree with the notion that you should take the
       | leave, and that being with your children at this time is much
       | more important than work. That said, here is how I've seen other
       | folks handle it:
       | 
       | 1. If possible, especially for paternity leave, I think it's a
       | good idea for both your team _and_ your family if you can break
       | up some of your time, e.g. take a month or two now, then come
       | back to work for a month or two, then go back off for a month or
       | two. Many folks have family that will help with the kids in the
       | early days, so it was helpful to always have a extra pair of
       | hands at home for the mom during the first half year or so.
       | 
       | 2. Your team _will_ feel the burden of extra work when you 're on
       | leave, but I think it's good just to recognize that and set
       | things up as best as possible beforehand. Sometimes people get
       | sick, or people leave for other reasons. Mat/pat leave is just
       | one more thing people and businesses need to learn to handle, and
       | (and I say this as someone without kids), even a small team will
       | have to learn to deal with these "curve balls" at one point or
       | another. You shouldn't feel guilty for taking your leave, just
       | like one shouldn't feel guilty for getting sick.
        
         | 0xfaded wrote:
         | _> But the corollary there is that if your teams can handle
         | just as well without you as with you, then the rational
         | decision would be for your company to just fire you if you aren
         | 't raising the output or success probabilities of your team._
         | 
         | IMO, anyone who deprecates themselves from an important role
         | within a team has successfully scaled themselves in a very
         | interesting way (same output, but person is free to do other
         | things). Such a person would seem very valuable and destined to
         | scale in even more interesting ways.
        
           | thenerdhead wrote:
           | If a good doctor cures their patients to no longer need them,
           | should they be fired?
           | 
           | Absolutely not. The jobs that are the most respectable are
           | the ones where your job is to put yourself out of a job.
           | Management can be a noble profession because of this.
           | 
           | I 100% agree they have scaled / transcended their "job" at
           | that point.
        
           | kmonsen wrote:
           | Or they didn't really contribute before.
        
           | JimmieMcnulty wrote:
           | That's just manager talk for "we weren't needed here". For
           | example, you say "important role" but who called it
           | important? Were the engineers demanding someone do this job,
           | or was it presumed to be an important job when someone was
           | building out the team?
           | 
           | If someone came into a highly-demanded (by the team itself)
           | role and turned the responsibilities around into work the
           | team can take care of on its own, that's valuable work for
           | sure. But if this was just a role created by an executive as
           | a result of, "We've always needed one of these", then maybe
           | not so much.
        
             | woah wrote:
             | If you can have the team work well without you, you could
             | probably spend the same time that you used to on one team
             | on five teams. If you're not getting promoted to the level
             | that you can do that, you should probably find a different
             | place to work.
        
             | 0xfaded wrote:
             | I've personally done something similar through mentorship.
             | Learn something interesting and relevant to the company (in
             | this case scheduling and convex optimization), build
             | something, document, teach others how it works, move on.
             | 
             | You can create organizational chaos by skipping that last
             | step, you may even achieve job security. But it's blatantly
             | obvious to both your managers and coworkers if you fight to
             | keep them off your turf. Don't expect respect or
             | admiration.
        
         | baq wrote:
         | > But the corollary there is that if your teams can handle just
         | as well without you as with you, then the rational decision
         | would be for your company to just fire you if you aren't
         | raising the output or success probabilities of your team.
         | 
         | if you're indispensable, you're unpromotable
        
         | skipants wrote:
         | Hard disagree. This makes the assumption that this person can
         | not put on any other hats, which would make me question how
         | they got into a startup in the first place.
         | 
         | I can see your point in the case where the person does nothing
         | already, leaves, and it has no impact. But in the top-comment
         | where this happens specifically _because_ the person deprecated
         | themselves then that person has definitely shown how valuable
         | they are.
         | 
         | If they can do that well you know they'll fit in anywhere. You
         | should definitely fight to find a place for them when they come
         | back.
        
         | cortesoft wrote:
         | > Many folks have family that will help with the kids in the
         | early days, so it was helpful to always have a extra pair of
         | hands at home for the mom during the first half year or so.
         | 
         | This is a strange comment, considering the person asking the
         | question IS the mom.
         | 
         | Secondly, I feel like your entire argument around the extra
         | work the team will face (and the idea that the team being fine
         | with them gone means they provide no value) has an unstated
         | premise; that the amount of work the team has is constant and
         | can't be changed.
         | 
         | When a team member is gone, we expect the team to be less
         | productive. The team and company should plan for this, and
         | commit to less work during the period. The idea is that the
         | team should GRACEFULLY reduce their workload, and not grind to
         | a halt completely.
        
           | twblalock wrote:
           | > When a team member is gone, we expect the team to be less
           | productive. The team and company should plan for this, and
           | commit to less work during the period. The idea is that the
           | team should GRACEFULLY reduce their workload, and not grind
           | to a halt completely.
           | 
           | Good luck making that work at a lean startup or for a team
           | that is already understaffed.
        
             | cortesoft wrote:
             | What is the alternative? If you have less people, you are
             | going to be less productive, period. You have no choice but
             | to take a hit to productivity. You can either be smart
             | about it and choose which areas to cut back on, or you can
             | pretend it won't happen and lose productivity in a critical
             | place you can't survive.
        
         | martythemaniak wrote:
         | The idea isn't that the team will have an identical quantity
         | and quality of output, but that everything will keep working
         | smoothly _at an appropriate pace_. Deprecating yourself refers
         | to not being a hoarder of information, decisions and all the
         | other nasty ways in which people try to make themselves
         | indispensable. Your team should always benefit from you being
         | there, but your absence should never make the team fall apart
         | and stop working effectively.
        
         | simonw wrote:
         | If you can coach and build a team to the point where they are
         | effective without you being present, when you come back from
         | your maternity/paternity leave I would be delighted to have you
         | take on that same challenge again but on a bigger and more
         | impactful scale.
        
         | qwerpy wrote:
         | Counterpoint about breaking up the parental leave into multiple
         | chunks: I did this once before (3 chunks) and would not
         | recommend it. Each time when I came back, by the time I ramped
         | back up and could finally start contributing again, it was time
         | to go back on leave. Maybe I'm slow on ramp-up, or my team
         | moves very fast, but that was my experience.
        
       | purim wrote:
       | That is way too short! Should be at least a year or two imho but
       | I can see why more and more companies are covertly avoiding
       | hiring women and why professional women avoid pregnancy. In some
       | places, taking such leave could affect your career, so much that
       | when women get married they opt to not have children or give up
       | their careers altogether, leading to decline in birth rates (ex.
       | Korea, Japan)
       | 
       | There should be more subsidies and tax incentives for companies
       | to provide longer mat/pat leave.
        
       | lacker wrote:
       | If you are a manager taking leave then you need someone else to
       | manage the team while you are out. Often there is nobody on the
       | team who is really ready to manage it. Then you'll need to get
       | help from elsewhere; perhaps your manager can help out, or
       | perhaps a manager elsewhere in the organization can assist.
       | 
       | It can be a tough situation because as a manager and a leader you
       | have to take responsibility for what happens when you are on
       | leave. Sometimes the replacement manager leads a mess and you are
       | left responsible for it. Sometimes things will improve without
       | you and company leadership won't want you to resume your old job
       | when you return.
       | 
       | Personally, and as a father, I was fortunate to work at a company
       | which was very flexible about paternity leave. I really preferred
       | taking a couple weeks off at the start, and then returning to
       | work but just working 4 days a week for a while (and not very
       | long hours). It was approximately the same amount of leave but
       | just structured differently. I really advocate this (for men
       | taking paternity leave, whose wife is going to take full time
       | leave) if you can swing it.
       | 
       | There are two reasons. One is that it works out better at home.
       | Honestly as a father with a young baby and a wife who is taking
       | leave, your wife and child do not need you in the house 24/7. A
       | day a week to catch up on errands is great. Leaving work in time
       | to make dinner is great. More than that, you just run out of
       | useful stuff to do. And a six month old baby is really just about
       | as much work as a three month old baby! Having five Fridays off
       | to run errands with a six month old baby is more useful than
       | using those same days of leave to take a whole week off with a
       | three month old baby.
       | 
       | The second reason is that it works out better at work. If your
       | manager is only working four days a week for a while and not
       | working late, it's basically fine, as long as you aren't at some
       | super intense startup. It isn't disruptive to your team, you're
       | still available to help people, you're still in touch with what's
       | happening at work.
        
         | michaelt wrote:
         | _> then returning to work but just working 4 days a week for a
         | while (and not very long hours)._
         | 
         | Kinda depends on the structure of your job and whether you're
         | able to shift a proportional amount of work to other people.
         | 
         | When I've worked 4-day weeks, people have 'helpfully'
         | rescheduled all the meetings from that day over to days when
         | I'm working, giving me just as much work to do but less time to
         | do it.
        
           | necovek wrote:
           | It seems that you are saying your rescheduled meetings were
           | taking time away from work: if you are a manager, meetings
           | are, usually, the work you need to be doing.
           | 
           | What you probably wanted to say is that you were part of a
           | bunch of useless meetings: you should have solved this in a
           | different way even before switching to 4-day weeks: stop
           | attending them (if they were useless for you) or stop the
           | team from having them (if they were useless for everybody
           | else too)
        
       | roflyear wrote:
       | It's just a company. Take your time and spend it with your
       | family, and don't stress about it. In a decade you're not going
       | to regret bonding with your spouse and child and missing some
       | work.
        
         | refurb wrote:
         | This 100%.
         | 
         | You're not indispensable. Your team will be fine if you come up
         | with a plan. Your manage should step up to fill the gap.
         | 
         | Go spend time with you family.
        
           | ketzo wrote:
           | > if you come up with a plan
           | 
           | that's explicitly the point of this post -- OP is asking what
           | their plan should be.
           | 
           | this, and the GP comment, are super annoyingly missing the
           | point.
           | 
           | OP is already planning to take 3-4 months off. they ARE going
           | to spend time with their family.
           | 
           | they're just asking for advice on the transition, and half
           | the comments are totally ignoring them, lol
        
         | alberth wrote:
         | While I completely agree with your comment, I have also seen
         | repeatedly in my career where colleagues quickly became
         | disgruntled towards the person taking mat/pat leave because
         | that meant more workload for them while the other person was
         | out.
        
           | chucky_z wrote:
           | I'm at a point in my career and as an individual where if
           | someone is on mat/pat leave all my complaints go out the
           | window. It's just about understanding the situation, and
           | maybe all of us can explain to those individuals complaining
           | that even if they never have children, that them giving the
           | parents space to raise a well-balanced individual is a net
           | benefit for all of society.
        
           | jrockway wrote:
           | This has to be at larger companies, right? "Sorry, we don't
           | have resources for a backfill," and no middle manager has the
           | authority to change that. "Do extra work for free," is
           | terrible management, and big companies basically exist to
           | have terrible management. At a startup, 100% of the employees
           | becoming disgruntled is an existential threat to the company,
           | and the founders exist to own that and fix it, or their dream
           | of a successful startup is over. That's different than large
           | companies, where if some random department 300 levels down
           | the org chart is unhappy, it doesn't matter, so the CEO is
           | not going to step in and work extra hours while someone is
           | away. It just doesn't matter to the company that one
           | department is disgruntled, the company can do fine without
           | them.
           | 
           | If taking advantage of your benefits is going to kill the
           | company, then the company probably wasn't meant to exist.
           | After you get your kid off to a good start in life, begin the
           | job search. The market isn't quite as bad as the gossip blogs
           | say. Companies still need people to write software and people
           | to manage the teams that do that.
           | 
           | I really don't think any of this is going to happen to the
           | OP. Their manager will handle 1:1s. Someone on the team can
           | run meetings. Some decisions will be made while they're away,
           | and they'll have to accept them even if they disagree. That's
           | the worst case, but that's management in general.
        
           | bogeholm wrote:
           | > disgruntled towards the person taking mat/pat leave
           | 
           | If management are worth their salt, this sort of behavior
           | won't be tolerated. If it's tolerated, you have poor
           | managers.
           | 
           | Not much more to say about that.
        
             | chrsig wrote:
             | then perhaps when the person taking the leave is a manager,
             | "just take the leave and don't stress about it" isn't the
             | best advice?
             | 
             | They need to do prep work before leave so that the team
             | doesn't become disgruntled to begin with.
             | 
             | If the behavior is exhibited at all, you have poor
             | managers. If not tolerating it takes any other form than
             | helping to ease tension, you have very poor managers.
        
             | dijit wrote:
             | You have three levers to pull as a manger in this
             | situation.
             | 
             | 1) increase the workload for who remains
             | 
             | 2) decrease the workload and delay the deadline (which
             | could affect other parts of the company, the pnl)
             | 
             | 3) find a contractor or two to pick up the slack, this may
             | take a while and can still fail or cause the rest of the
             | team to stall while that person/people onboards.
             | 
             | Depending on your situation money can be tight or deadlines
             | can be tight or both. Meaning the only appreciable option
             | may be #1: which is part of why it's harder to work in
             | startups where both of the above may be true.
             | 
             | I don't think it's entirely fair to blame management, but
             | it can be arbitrary limitations imposed by management for
             | sure.
        
               | bogeholm wrote:
               | Look, if Company, Inc. offers benefit X, and employee A
               | chooses to exercise their contractual right to that, then
               | A and A's colleagues can have a reasonable expectation
               | that their manager(s) have a plan for the situation.
               | 
               | Otherwise Company, Inc. shouldn't have offered the
               | benefit in the first place.
        
               | jrumbut wrote:
               | The problem isn't increased workload, or people having
               | challenges or bad feelings about adapting to increased
               | workload, it's spreading discontentment over someone
               | taking maternity/paternity leave.
               | 
               | A manager and everyone else should be establishing that
               | as much as their contributions are missed it's not a
               | problem that they had a child or took the leave they are
               | entitled to.
        
               | dijit wrote:
               | Are you saying it's ok to feel bad as long as you don't
               | inform or allow the person taking leave that you feel
               | bad?
               | 
               | I'm not sure how I feel about that honestly.
               | 
               | On the one hand it makes people feel more free and feel
               | less bad in themselves.
               | 
               | On the other it will become an open secret among everyone
               | including those who may eventually take leave and then be
               | aware of it, passive aggression may ensure even if it's
               | not permitted, and of course on some level it's
               | dishonest.
        
               | jasonlotito wrote:
               | > Are you saying it's ok to feel bad as long as you don't
               | inform or allow the person taking leave that you feel
               | bad?
               | 
               | You are reading it wrong.
               | 
               | It's not just about the individual taking the leave, it's
               | about spreading discontent throughout the entire team
               | because someone is taking advantage of a benefit they are
               | entitled to.
               | 
               | Basically, you are advocating for the idea that someone
               | using a benefit they have is bad.
               | 
               | i.e. I'm allowed to spread discontent on the team and
               | make you feel bad for taking a salary.
        
               | vdqtp3 wrote:
               | The funny thing is that everyone agrees that it
               | explicitly is a problem - it's impacting everyone else at
               | the business negatively - the definition of a problem.
               | It's also explicitly unfair in that there's no
               | corresponding benefit for someone that is either unable
               | to or chooses not to have a child. But we're all going to
               | pretend that it's 100% OK.
        
               | jasonlotito wrote:
               | So don't work at companies that offer these benefits.
               | 
               | Because you do benefit from those benefits even if you
               | choose not to have a child. The people working there
               | would most likely not work there if these benefits didn't
               | exist.
               | 
               | > it's impacting everyone else at the business negatively
               | 
               | Clearly it's not. The companies offering this clearly
               | prefer the type of people that benefit from this. And you
               | do as well, as the people taking advantage of this are
               | clearly important to your job satisfaction.
        
               | djohnston wrote:
               | > And you do as well, as the people taking advantage of
               | this are clearly important to your job satisfaction.
               | 
               | Isn't his point that the asymmetric benefit is unfair for
               | non-parents and thus contributing to a lack of job
               | satisfaction for everyone left picking up the slack?
        
               | bogeholm wrote:
               | > asymmetric benefit is unfair for non-parents and thus
               | contributing to a lack of job satisfaction
               | 
               | Solution: work somewhere else, where another benefit
               | structure is offered
        
               | djohnston wrote:
               | Agreed, I'm only pointing out the discrepancy between
               | what he's saying and the idea that he somehow has job
               | satisfaction because of it.
        
               | Spooky23 wrote:
               | _His_ (and you can sure it's a him) point is that he's a
               | busy navel gazing in contemplation of problems he doesn't
               | have.
        
               | mattkrause wrote:
               | Arguably, the problem is that there's not enough "slack"
               | in the system to tolerate someone being out. You'd have
               | the same issue if the person on leave got hit by a bus
               | instead---or just quit!
               | 
               | Plus, benefits are often "unfair" in that they help some
               | employees more than others. A sickly coworker gets more
               | out of the health plan than someone who is as fit as a
               | fiddle. Not needing glasses, I get literally nothing out
               | of half of the "vision and dental" package. The tuition
               | benefit does nothing if you're unable or choose not to
               | take a course.
        
               | [deleted]
        
               | Spooky23 wrote:
               | Good point. You know, I have a colleague who took two
               | weeks off this August to spend time in the outer banks.
               | 
               | It impacted the business having him be absent for two
               | weeks - I was forced to attend two meetings on his behalf
               | and had to answer a bunch of email.
               | 
               | He could have chosen to man up and not take a vacation,
               | or could have taken his laptop and attend meetings
               | remotely and answered email. What a jerk.
        
               | [deleted]
        
           | roflyear wrote:
           | I can see it, but I don't think it should concern you. That
           | isn't a problem for you to fix.
        
           | wbsss4412 wrote:
           | That's a them problem.
        
           | decebalus1 wrote:
           | > colleagues quickly became disgruntled towards the person
           | taking mat/pat leave because that meant more workload for
           | them
           | 
           | That's not really a place you'd want to work anyway, as this
           | reeks of both bad management and bad colleagues. Would the
           | same colleagues be disgruntled toward that person if said
           | person had a death in the family? I mean shit happens and
           | management needs to step up with better planning and scaling
           | down the workload to account for the time off of the
           | employee. If colleagues are disgruntled towards the employee
           | taking time off and not at management for making them work
           | more, they're either assholes or idiots.
        
         | AnotherGoodName wrote:
         | You'll also be surprised at how well people step up. You're
         | going to be doing two productive things here: Bonding and
         | giving room for growth to others.
        
           | hn_throwaway_99 wrote:
           | Going to push back on this a little. I've been at multiple
           | startups, and of course there is eventually people who take
           | paternity leave.
           | 
           | As someone who did have to "step up", I think I did a fine
           | job, but I wasn't exactly thrilled about needing to do 2 jobs
           | now: my old job and the job of the person out on leave. For
           | no additional pay.
           | 
           | I _absolutely_ believe parents should take leave, and while
           | the exact amount may be up for debate, I think that,
           | generally, paid leave in the US is woefully short. But I
           | think it 's really shitty to just pretend the extra burden on
           | your colleagues doesn't exist when someone takes leave, or
           | that they'll necessarily see it as a great "opportunity".
        
             | cardiffspaceman wrote:
             | > _needing to do 2 jobs_
             | 
             | It seems like either they really assigned all of the leave-
             | taker's job to you, and that seems excessive, or this
             | person was doing a TON of stuff. Were there no other people
             | who could take over parts of the leave-taker's work?
        
               | grayclhn wrote:
               | A lot of these questions (not just yours) indicate that
               | bad management is rare... that hasn't been my experience.
               | :)
               | 
               | I'm sure the impact to the parent commentor could have
               | been mitigated, but absolutely sure that it almost always
               | isn't.
        
               | cardiffspaceman wrote:
               | I certainly don't have the opinion that bad management is
               | rare. I was just unclear which form of bad management was
               | happening.
        
               | bcrosby95 wrote:
               | Sure. And people blame their peers rather than those in
               | power.
        
           | alunchbox wrote:
           | never thought about the latter, lessons to be learned good
           | call out.
        
           | throwawaysleep wrote:
           | Be careful depending on this. I am on a team where this
           | happened and while he was on leave for 2 months, not one
           | ticket was delivered as nobody wanted to step up. Granted,
           | this is not a startup and the team is very unmotivated, but
           | literally every ticket with every ambiguity was thrown into
           | "blocked."
        
             | eega wrote:
             | That's a team I'd never want to work in ...
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | chrisseaton wrote:
         | > It's just a company.
         | 
         | But it's not just a company. It's also your family's income.
         | It's how you're feeding the baby you now have.
        
         | spaghettiToy wrote:
         | Imo, I'd rather have 3 months off when they are 1 to 3 years
         | old. Those first few months are a slog.
         | 
         | I understand for moms, nursing is the real benefit.
        
           | HuwFulcher wrote:
           | As someone who had their first child the last couple of years
           | I would really recommend taking the time off when they're
           | first born. Those are special moments but hard to appreciate
           | through the sleep deprivation. Having more time to be present
           | and not worry about work the better
        
             | [deleted]
        
         | icelancer wrote:
         | Your family typically needs your salary as well, so just
         | ignoring your job isn't really the entire solution.
        
           | barbazoo wrote:
           | It's not "ignoring your job" when you take advantage of a
           | policy set by your company (mat/pat leave). Give plenty of
           | notice and work with your team as best as you can to help
           | with the transition.
        
             | jlokier wrote:
             | A lot of small startups don't have a mat/pat policy yet,
             | maybe not a well developed vacation policy either nor a
             | generous one, and the employment may be "at will" meaning
             | they can let you go for no reason, just because they decide
             | "why keep paying?"
             | 
             | On top of that, the startup may find it difficult to pay
             | someone else while still paying you. If you're an early
             | employee, there may also be financial incentives to the
             | company letting you go, such as not having to pay out the
             | higher rate or higher equity you negotiated as an early
             | joiner.
             | 
             | You can take the time off but in some cases are risking
             | losing your job by doing so for long. If you need the
             | money, that's a tought spot. Even if you're good at getting
             | new jobs (many people aren't), getting a new job can be a
             | full time job in itself which you don't have time to do if
             | you're seriously on mat/pat, and anyway few companies will
             | hire you while you're still unavailable.
        
       | dangus wrote:
       | If you're a manager, and you're not director or c-suite (i.e.,
       | you don't control the budget), this isn't your problem.
       | 
       | Go to _your_ manager and present the situation, and see what they
       | have available to you. Do _they_ have budget for contractors, new
       | hires, etc? Because, if they don 't, you don't have any real
       | options besides dumping the work on one or more people, or
       | allowing deadlines to be pushed back.
       | 
       | They either have/make headcount or they don't.
       | 
       | If your business is already short staffed, the employees are
       | already being exploited.
       | 
       | Let me repeat: Perpetual short staffing is exploitation. "Running
       | lean" isn't a real thing, it's just a fancy way to say that the
       | company is making compromises that an established business
       | wouldn't make. You either need staff or you don't.
       | 
       | The business will miss deadlines and that's fine. Unless you own
       | the company, it's not your problem.
       | 
       | Take your entire leave. Do not check email or Slack while you're
       | on leave. Take your entire leave. Do not check email or Slack
       | while you're on leave. Take your entire leave. Do not check email
       | or Slack while you're on leave.
        
       | bhouston wrote:
       | I've done on parental leave twice as a founder. Each time was
       | very different and it was dependent upon the size and stage of
       | the company.
       | 
       | The first time was when the company has 8 employees, and I was
       | handling all sales/customer relationships. I took 2 days prior to
       | my wife giving birth and then 4 days afterwards. The team was
       | prepared and handled it well. I was then part-time for the next
       | month or so. I did all nighttime feedings and then handed off our
       | little girl to my parents at 7am (who come to our house during
       | the day) and sleep until around 12 noon and then went to work on
       | site until 5/6pm. This was pre-pandemic of course.
       | 
       | The second time around the company has grown to 100 employees and
       | we have raised a few rounds of financing and we have a well
       | developed management team. This time I am taking 12 weeks fully
       | off. It is quite nice to know that the company is now scalable. I
       | am currently 3 weeks into the 12 weeks.
        
       | toppy wrote:
       | Not quite connected to the main topic but Mat & Pat (originally
       | 'Pat & Mat') [1] was the cult bedtime cartoon in the 70s and 80s
       | in communist block countries. As the main (and only) two
       | characters were great tinkerers I thought you might like it. Just
       | to get a taste [2]
       | 
       | [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_%26_Mat [2]
       | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXbwF38gYB8
        
       | johnsonap wrote:
       | I've done this and we have someone currently out on leave (both
       | of us founders). We do 2 weeks of radio silence, 1 week working
       | half time remote, 1 week of full time remote, then back in the
       | office. The two weeks is tough but we've been able to spread the
       | workload to other members of the team.
        
       | campbellmorgan wrote:
       | If you are an essential part of your startup as, for example CTOs
       | are in very early stage startups, you may find it difficult to
       | completely detach for more than a few weeks especially if the
       | business is negotiating a complicated part of its development.
       | 
       | There is much good advice here but I would add a few things that
       | I have not seen in other comments. My advice is not for people
       | who are employees as I believe they should take at a minimum
       | their entire statutory allowance, but for founders with a greater
       | stake in the success of the business:
       | 
       | - although the first few weeks are certainly the most challenging
       | especially if you end up staying on in hospital for a few days,
       | there will be many challenges over the entire first year unless
       | you have excellent family (ie grandmother) help - so pace
       | yourself and your team's expectation of your involvement.
       | 
       | - Plan to be completely absent for the first few weeks and adjust
       | your team's expectations accordingly, but then optimise
       | asynchronous communication of all but the most pressing issues
       | from that point on. This helps if your business is remote because
       | it's likely you will already be successfully using asynchronous
       | communication through tickets / slack / email.
       | 
       | - While it would have been great to spend my downtime watching
       | series, early infancy tends to give you a lot of time at
       | unexpected hours and it can actually end up being quite painless
       | to put in 2-3 hours of problem solving or pull request reviews.
       | These can make the difference between a team heading radically
       | off path and staying on track.
       | 
       | - If you can (ie if you're not the one breastfeeding -- that's
       | totally consuming and you won't be able to do anything) try and
       | distribute some of your leave later because babies get more
       | engaging every extra day they are out of the womb!
       | 
       | Good luck!
        
       | thenerdhead wrote:
       | Take the leave.
       | 
       | It is already hard enough to adjust to parenthood. Use it or you
       | will regret it in the future.
       | 
       | You should not be worrying about your teams. If you did your job
       | right, they will self-manage and someone will step up to help
       | call the shots while you're out.
       | 
       | Take the hit to productivity of not having another person on the
       | team for the duration of your leave. The world will go on without
       | you.
        
       | maskaler wrote:
       | It's a job. There are others. If your team is worth its salt its
       | members will be supportive, excited, and will yearn for your
       | return.
       | 
       | With regards to time off in general, writing shit down is my best
       | advice. Get people used to searching some knowledge store before
       | asking you. That way you won't be missed when it comes to
       | explaining to individuals what you've already told fifteen people
       | in separate one on one conversations. You're left to innovate.
        
       | Jemaclus wrote:
       | Director-level here. Given enough notice (let's say weeks, not
       | days -- but hopefully you have months of notice!), I will figure
       | something out. This is not your problem -- it's my problem.
       | 
       | I always encourage people taking mat/pat leave to take the entire
       | time alotted by the company. It's just a job. I can deal without
       | you. If I can't deal without you, then I haven't been doing my
       | job. As a leader of a lean organization, I am constantly thinking
       | about the bus factor.
       | 
       | It's not just mat/pat leave, but what if you got COVID and were
       | out for a week? What if you had an emergency health situation and
       | had to be out for six weeks? What if you just straight up quit
       | tomorrow? How would I handle that? Well, it turns out that's the
       | same way I would handle mat/pat leave. If we're down, we have to
       | fill in the gap somehow. We'll manage. We have to.
       | 
       | Maybe that means hiring contractors temporarily. I've done that.
       | It's a fine solution. But truth is that the only true thing to do
       | is to work to make sure the workload is distributed across other
       | people, deprioritize the least important things and put them in
       | the backlog, and make sure that everyone is aware that any
       | projects this person is responsible for will move slower until
       | either this person returns or we can bring more resources to bear
       | on the project. We can't overload the rest of the team, but we
       | also can't operate at 100% capacity -- the business needs to
       | realize that. And if they don't, then that's a Big Problem that
       | has _nothing_ to do with your paid family leave.
       | 
       | Right now there are currently 2-3 people in my org that are so
       | critical that if something happened, we'd be totally boned.
       | Fortunately, they are all healthy and happy and not expecting
       | children at the moment, so it's not an urgent emergency, but I am
       | still spending a chunk of my time getting some cross-training in
       | with other team members to make sure that the bus factor is at an
       | acceptable level.
       | 
       | Long story short: it's not _your_ problem if your teams can 't
       | handle your absence, it's your _manager 's_ problem. And if they
       | can't handle that... well, it's just a job. There are other jobs
       | out there. You can find one that treats you like a human being
       | worthy of respect and time and energy.
       | 
       | I wouldn't stress out too much about it, honestly.
        
       | jedberg wrote:
       | My friend is the CEO of a small startup. Her husband is basically
       | the COO. They didn't really take mat/pat leave. They pulled back
       | on their work a bit, stopped doing 1 on 1's for a while, and
       | stopped traveling, but they were still both taking important
       | meetings.
       | 
       | She did however have the benefit of both sets of grandparents
       | being able to live with her during the first few months, so she
       | had a lot of help.
       | 
       | So I guess the big tip here is, if you can get full time live in
       | help take advantage of it?
       | 
       | Sorry if this isn't super helpful, but just another data point
       | for you.
        
         | stingraycharles wrote:
         | Doesn't sound like a great life choice, but rather a symptom of
         | terrible work/life balance.
         | 
         | I also worked at a startup before where the CEO and her husband
         | were both working there, and it led to a terrible dynamic.
        
           | jedberg wrote:
           | It's easy to criticize from afar, but in the meantime they
           | have a successful growing business that gives them the
           | freedom to spend a lot more time with their kid and family
           | than most people get, even if it means taking a meeting for
           | an hour in the middle of family time.
           | 
           | I think most people would envy their freedom.
        
       | teknopaul wrote:
       | Every one should be able to take leave and not kill your project
       | at any time. If that's not where you are now the project is at
       | risk. Someone might change jobs just as much as mat/pat leave.
       | You should make sure that no one person knows how do perform any
       | task that is needed.
       | 
       | Even/especially soft skills like being "leader for a day". Or
       | being "last word on xxx" for a day. Or driving some change.
       | 
       | If you do that without fail the team is able to cover anyone
       | else. Any team of 7 people has one 7th the extra workload when
       | someone is absent, but nothing should stop working. When you are
       | 7 again, if its the person with knowledge back, you are up to
       | speed immediately; if it's someone new, it takes time to get back
       | to where you were.
       | 
       | If you work like: this when it's your turn to be off, noone will
       | miss you, or curse your absence, and they will be very pleased
       | when you are back.
       | 
       | In short "spread the work across the team" and "temporary
       | promotions" as everyday practices, before and after expected
       | leave.
       | 
       | This approach pays off immediately, shorter absences such as
       | plane delays, crisis at school or someone just being late to a
       | meeting, are easier to deal with too.
        
         | microtherion wrote:
         | So much this. If a team is run so "lean" that an extended
         | absence for anyone can create a crisis, that seems evidence
         | that the team is run excessively "lean".
         | 
         | And this is not just for parental leave: What if one of the
         | singles has a hang gliding accident necessitating a lengthy
         | recovery? What if somebody quits?
         | 
         | If that invariably leads to overwork for the remaining team
         | members, you risk a cascade of departures/burnout, and even if
         | you get lucky and run for a few years with minimal slack and no
         | major absences, it's likely that this has consequences for the
         | well being of some of the team members.
        
       | rightbyte wrote:
       | My experience is that there are no problem. The same oh so
       | important bugs are there waiting for you in the bug tracker when
       | you come back.
        
       | xenospn wrote:
       | I'm originally from israel, and we have very generous maternity
       | leave over there (no paternity as far as I know, moved to the US
       | back in 2012).
       | 
       | i joined a startup in 2007 and we've had numerous pregnancies
       | (one of our team leaders had 4 kids from 2007-2014), each
       | followed by 6 months of maternity leave.
       | 
       | how did we handle it? people pick up the slack and it just works,
       | it's not even an option so you get by, end of story. it really is
       | that simple.
        
       | ghiculescu wrote:
       | I am doing this right now (paternity). I did what most of the
       | comments suggested: asked someone to take on the essential parts
       | of my role (CTO), and scaled back the non-essentials over the
       | course of a few months.
       | 
       | It's going extremely well. I think the person who took on my role
       | is doing it better than I used to. A spring clean of
       | responsibilities was helpful and forced us to document /
       | distribute a variety of things that used to fall on me for no
       | good reason.
       | 
       | Feel free to email me if you want to discuss more.
       | 
       | And most importantly, congratulations! You're going to love it.
       | Whatever you do regarding work, structure it so you don't have to
       | think about it when you do 2am feeds (because you really won't
       | want to).
        
         | almostarockstar wrote:
         | CTO/Founder here. Coming up on 3 years with my co. Baby is 10
         | months now. Our tech team is small. Just me and three others.
         | 
         | My experience was very similar. Tried to make a gradual wind-
         | down, spent more time documenting and planning while stepping
         | away from core functions.
         | 
         | I will say that while "work" continued, "progress" slowed.
         | People stepped up to manage, but nobody had the vision or the
         | same passion for our product or future. I don't blame them.
         | It's not their job.
        
           | ghiculescu wrote:
           | Good to know. We are a bit more established (~125 people) so
           | I'm hoping the vision can keep moving forward without me
           | there. Thanks for sharing.
        
         | temende wrote:
         | > asked someone to take on the essential parts of my role
         | (CTO), and scaled back the non-essentials over the course of a
         | few months
         | 
         | Just curious - in this case, do you also increase their
         | compensation and/or title to reflect their additional
         | responsibilities?
        
           | ghiculescu wrote:
           | Not for the temporary change - that's a conversation for when
           | I'm back.
        
       | bloomzoom wrote:
       | In my experience, people who rush back don't end up staying at
       | the job very long. There is resentment created/builds. Especially
       | among the moms. There's been a few studies on % who return to
       | work...much higher after being allowed to take a clean break for
       | a child's birth.
       | 
       | Don't rush it. It's the 4 glass balls and 1 rubber ball rule. The
       | only one that won't break is the job.
        
       | bsima wrote:
       | 3-4 months leave is "decent"? I only get 6 weeks...
        
         | peteradio wrote:
         | I get none or infinity depending on how you look at it (I quit
         | my job when my wife gets close to delivery). I'm looking again
         | right now!
        
           | anon291 wrote:
           | I've thought about doing this.
        
         | elil17 wrote:
         | Companies in the US are required to give a minimum of 12 weeks
         | unpaid parental leave.
        
           | bsima wrote:
           | Huh, looks like you are correct:
           | https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/benefits-leave/fmla
           | 
           | This is good info, thank you for sharing.
           | 
           | Edit: Wikipedia has clarification on eligibility https://en.w
           | ikipedia.org/wiki/Family_and_Medical_Leave_Act_o...
           | 
           | > "Highly compensated employees" have limited rights to
           | return to their jobs. They are defined as "a salaried
           | eligible employee who is among the highest paid 10 percent of
           | the employees employed by the employer within 75 miles of the
           | facility at which the employee is employed".
           | 
           | I guess I should clarify my 6 weeks is _paid_ time off.
        
           | hn_throwaway_99 wrote:
           | Or, alternatively, you can get an infinite amount of unpaid
           | leave! See how generous parental leave laws are in the US /s
        
             | awinder wrote:
             | FMLA leave is job-protected and it's illegal to retaliate
             | against an employee for taking it. You can be fired when
             | you return for reasons not related to the leave but - it's
             | also dangerous to play that game if you don't have a
             | documented history to support it.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | yamtaddle wrote:
         | I think I've had 2 or 3 weeks with each of mine.
        
         | spoils19 wrote:
         | 6 weeks is all you need, before you can hand it off to your
         | wife as she should have recovered by then.
        
       | awslattery wrote:
       | CTO of a 4 person org.
       | 
       | Took 4.5 months of paternity leave, and 1 month of flex-time in
       | December 2021.
       | 
       | Worked for us by knowing it was coming to plan ahead for in terms
       | of breaking down knowledge silos, dry runs of delegating niche
       | tasks, and documenting tasks I became owner of in tenure.
       | 
       | During paternity leave, I was fully disconnected. Upon my return,
       | I had a team who grew during that time, and we're more resilient
       | as a result of my time away.
        
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