[HN Gopher] Couples therapy for startup co-founders
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Couples therapy for startup co-founders
Author : isaacfrond
Score : 55 points
Date : 2022-09-01 11:27 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (www.protocol.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.protocol.com)
| adastra22 wrote:
| If you need therapy with your business partner, cut your losses
| and move on.
| mikkergp wrote:
| People aren't born with communication skills, if you're going
| to quit because of interpersonal problems rather than look for
| a difficult and potentially uncomfortable solution, you
| shouldn't be starting a business.
|
| https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200407/rock-arou...
|
| I would bet this is much more common then you seem to think.
| bmismyname wrote:
| You're not wrong, but not every problem needs to be solved
| and there are 8 billion people. In my experience it's usually
| better to align yourself with those you communicate well
| with, and avoid the ones you don't.
| halfmatthalfcat wrote:
| Lol /r/relationshipadvice energy
| teaearlgraycold wrote:
| If you think therapy should be reserved for dire, nigh
| unfixable problems, then maybe. But you can also use therapy as
| a regular part of life for fixing problems big _and_ small.
| adastra22 wrote:
| It's a sign of deeper problems if you can't communicate with
| your (work) partner well enough to avoid these issues.
|
| Your job isn't a marriage and the analogy falls flat. If
| you're having enough communicative difficulties that you're
| considering failure, then you're already enough in the shit
| that one or both of you need to move on.
| andrewstuart2 wrote:
| And when your startup encounters business issues, do you
| just cut your losses and pick the next idea?
|
| Of course not. You work through problems when there's value
| on the other side of the problem, and communications
| problems are just one class of problems that may crop up in
| an otherwise highly valuable relationship. You hire people
| to help you solve other issues you don't have the
| experience to solve, don't you? The same SME is valuable in
| communications.
| tomrod wrote:
| It depends. There can be an upside to quitting.
| adastra22 wrote:
| There will always be business issues. Those you solve.
| But if you're spending your time on founder conflicts
| instead of the business, your business will fail. Even if
| you work it out in therapy, your competitors will have
| gotten ahead of you.
| johnfn wrote:
| > It's a sign of deeper problems
|
| That's right - and how do you think you should go about
| approaching those issues?
| spookthesunset wrote:
| That's easy to say when you don't have payroll to make and
| investors to please. Once you get to a point where peoples
| livelihoods depend on you things change a bit.
| fairity wrote:
| Hilarious take. Having communication problems? Just quit! Don't
| mind the fact that your startup is potentially worth millions,
| or that you otherwise enjoy your work. /s
| bmismyname wrote:
| If you need therapy with your partner, cut your losses and move
| on.
| dumbworld wrote:
| You think it's not like this but actually it is.
| yamazakiwi wrote:
| You're thinking in extremes... There are many people who
| could benefit from therapy, mediated conversation, or dispute
| resolution.
| mynameisash wrote:
| I read that comment as a sarcastic take on it's parent, not
| a continuation of the sentiment.
|
| FWIW, I think therapy is awesome and should be embraced by
| more people. Probably a good thing for founders to have
| their own version of it. Renowned therapist Esther Perel
| has (had?) a podcast called _How 's Work?_ where she
| mediated conversations with business partners.
| ddown24 wrote:
| I definitely agree with the advice to seek therapy for the
| inevitable relationship issues over coaching. Coaches definitely
| will help the individual but the experience is typically so one
| sided that it can often result in making tensions worse. A co-
| founder leaving can cause a lot of trauma to organization that is
| impossible once one leaves. I'm sure founders think the main
| impact is individual but let's be honest, it affects the entire
| staff. So yeah, co-founder tension needs to be treated like a
| marriage for the benefit of the co-founders and especially the
| benefit of the employees.
| dheera wrote:
| On the other hand I think it's important for leaving to be
| normalized and accepted as an option.
|
| In my previous startup there were an increasing number of
| irreconcilable differences between me and my then-cofounder's
| style of working, management, and doing business, and though we
| had tried a lot I don't think me being egged on by everyone in
| the system to stay in the company while depressed about it was
| helpful.
|
| The reality is cofounders _can_ leave (legally) and we already
| have a perfectly good structure (vesting schedule) to deal with
| such decisions fairly, we just need to normalize it actually
| happening when it needs to happen.
| cannaceo wrote:
| It's worse than a marriage. At least in a marriage you can get
| divorced.
| troelsSteegin wrote:
| Is "cofounder coaching" all that different from a service a
| management consultant might typically perform? In any event,
| getting in the same room together and listening without
| interrupting seems like a pretty fundamental part of improving a
| relationship, no matter what that's called.
| dumbworld wrote:
| aantix wrote:
| 22% of founders ask their family for money. Probably because
| either 1) they don't want to risk the relationship or 2)
| their family doesn't have much to give.
|
| https://clutch.co/consulting/resources/startup-funding-
| sourc...
| [deleted]
| granshaw wrote:
| I think actual romantic couples therapy when one person is a
| founder and the other isn't is the bigger need :)
| dr_dshiv wrote:
| Yo, cheers to this. It has been a real struggle.
|
| My wife founded designtherapy.org to provide design thinking +
| couples counseling. Basically a way to systematically think about
| positive opportunities together, achieve dreams within conflict
| etc. Might check it out.
|
| Counseling is hella cheaper than divorce.
| clcaev wrote:
| One of the powers of having two or more cofounders is that you
| will see things differently. Those differences bring opportunity
| that neither one could see alone, but, those differences also
| bring risks.
|
| Consulting like this can go along way towards bridging those
| differences to build a stronger collaboration between partners.
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