[HN Gopher] Barn raising: thoughts on going through change with ...
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       Barn raising: thoughts on going through change with the help of
       others
        
       Author : wallflower
       Score  : 20 points
       Date   : 2022-08-06 14:24 UTC (8 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (inaliminalspace.org)
 (TXT) w3m dump (inaliminalspace.org)
        
       | sunir wrote:
       | This is the correct link.
       | 
       | https://www.inaliminalspace.org/blog/barn-raising?rq=Barn
       | 
       | Also for those who know about barn stars on Wikipedia, barn
       | raising and the particular idea of barn stars is the concept that
       | inspired it.
       | 
       | http://meatballwiki.org/wiki/BarnRaising
        
       | kelseyfrog wrote:
       | There's a ton of great quotes in this piece, so it's hard to pick
       | just one, so I'll juxtapose two.
       | 
       | > We love the narrative of rugged individualism, the freedom to
       | help ourselves out, choose our own way, and make a future.
       | 
       | > When we choose to go through a life transition without the help
       | of others, we steal away from those around us the profound joy of
       | building up a future - real acts of hope, faith and love in the
       | world.
       | 
       | As someone who started out on a major life transition just a year
       | ago with the explicit advice to deliberately form a supportive
       | network, this rings resoundingly clear. Most people want to do
       | good by helping, but sadly the opportunities to do so are
       | abstractly detatched from day to day experience. I know there
       | will be people who will want to respond with, "you know you can
       | just volunteer," but the emotional texture of volunteer work is
       | qualitatively different from being asked, "I'm going through
       | something hard. Can I count on you for support?"
       | 
       | The individualism described in the article contributes to the
       | atrophy of emotional vulnerability and forming support networks
       | is an antidote. I hope in some small way the article inspires
       | someone to do the same.
        
         | xyzzy123 wrote:
         | I agree but the main criticism I have of the article is that
         | tornados don't challenge anyone's world view and that is often
         | the problem that individuals face.
         | 
         | An Amish person getting support via well worn community norms
         | is one thing.
         | 
         | But so much of the change that people find hard is when they
         | discover that their identity or community doesn't fit them
         | quite right anymore.
         | 
         | How supportive are the Amish if you decide you want to live a
         | different life?
         | 
         | Changing politics, gender, religion, social class (income
         | shift), other identity values or moving a long way - these are
         | often "out of context" problems for the community and friends
         | you have.
         | 
         | The article's not "wrong" but life is nuanced. It's not easy to
         | build new networks.
        
         | [deleted]
        
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       (page generated 2022-08-06 23:00 UTC)