[HN Gopher] Tell HN: I interviewed my dad before he died
___________________________________________________________________
Tell HN: I interviewed my dad before he died
My dad got really sick a few months ago. I was shocked but also
panicked about the idea of him dying without me knowing him well.
He was a great dad but didn't talk much. Fortunately, he got
better for a short time. I seized the opportunity to ask him as
much as he could answer and film him. Of course, his memory wasn't
perfect but I got the big picture. Now that he passed away, I'm
both devastated and glad that I got to know him more and kept a
record so I can see his face and listen to his voice for more than
the usual family video. I wish I had done it sooner though. I've
heard multiple people tell me they don't know their parents' or
grandparents' life, or they've heard it but they've eventually
forgotten so I thought I'd share. I hope this will help some of
you. Thank you blood donors Thank you dad
Author : loveudad
Score : 83 points
Date : 2022-08-04 22:15 UTC (44 minutes ago)
| ShakataGaNai wrote:
| There are a bunch of books that can help on this, questions to
| ask, etc. For example: "300 Questions to Ask Your Parents Before
| It's Too Late" -- https://www.amazon.com/Questions-Your-Parents-
| Before-Late/dp...
| jacquesm wrote:
| My dad and I did not have the kind of connection where I could
| have done this but I applaud you for doing it and for sharing it.
| I have other family members where this sort of thing is much more
| applicable for me and I think you just gave me the push I needed
| to go and act on it. So thank you very much.
| huevosabio wrote:
| I always wanted to do this with my grandfather. We had so many
| stories from his accounts and from his children and
| grandchildren, but never a through recap of his experience.
|
| I always slacked and just toyed with the idea, but never acted on
| it. Now there's he is gone, and along with him the opportunity.
|
| I am happy that you did, and I will take advantage of doing so
| with my dad.
| kaycebasques wrote:
| I did this with my grandpa and it turned it into a website. Great
| bonding experience. Learned a lot. https://tony.basqu.es
| lamroger wrote:
| thank you for sharing!
| keeptrying wrote:
| Thank you for reminding me to interview my mom.
|
| Unfortunately my dad isn't at a place where I can do this.
|
| This is a super important thing to connect with my parents.
| theonewolf wrote:
| I used Artifact to do this with my grandfather. Recorded his
| stories and voice for posterity as a series of podcasts basically
| with a professional interviewer and recording team.
| 9192631770_Hz wrote:
| A couple years ago I bought my parents a digital voice recorder
| and 128gig SD card. I asked them to spend a little time each week
| just talking about whatever parts of their life they wanted, and
| what they remember of my grandparents and great-grandparents. I
| don't think they've done it at all. :'(
| formvoltron wrote:
| Wow you must still really be in shock. From healthy to passed in
| just a few months sound very traumatic for you and your family.
| Sorry you had to go through that.
|
| My father had prostate cancer that became metastatic & while I
| had a couple years with him before he passed, I didn't get it
| together to record his stories. I did record a few, but I really
| wish I had more. I think it's great what you did & you will
| always be able to look back at those & share them with your
| future kids.
|
| Be well.
| contingencies wrote:
| I've done quite a few video interviews (>120 hours). Notably, I
| interviewed someone else's dad (a friend's wife) who is dying
| now.
|
| He had a fascinating life being sent out for re-education in
| Communist China but winding up in a then remote tropical paradise
| on the Burmese border. The locals were friendly and already
| effectively organized their villages on a communal basis so he
| said there was basically little work to do because the land was
| so fertile and few rules except that local girls were off-limits.
| Days were spent enjoying the natural environment, eating tropical
| fruit and BBQ fish and forest meats.
|
| One day a troupe of city communists arrived for some reason or
| other, and he met a lovely girl. When he got the chance he moved
| back to the city and sought her out, they were married and he was
| assigned a job as an economic agent, being posted to remote
| factories around the country to negotiate trading deals to
| bolster the domestic economy under socialism. In those days few
| people could travel and he was lucky, despite having to spend
| most of his time on the road, to be able to travel the whole
| country and see its character before its modern destruction.
|
| I asked him about how the travel was organized, he said every day
| there was a telex waiting for him at his assigned hotel which
| would tell him where he was going next. "Catch the #12 bus to
| West Station, then obtain a fare to Little Black Village, walk
| east to Factory #12". He said a lot of the travel was by donkey
| cart and other sort of ad-hoc methods. He was thus surprised
| every day and could only observe.
|
| He seemed genuinely flattered by my interest in his life and
| included other information in the video. In the end it's always
| good to have some catch-all open questions like: "Is there
| anything else you'd like to say to future generations about the
| changes you have witnessed in your lifetime?"
|
| I suppose I should upload it after he dies. Currently I have a
| copy and the family has a copy.
|
| There's a great TV program in Australia where the host interviews
| randoms literally on the street:
| https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/program/front-up
| xupybd wrote:
| I wish I'd done something like this. My dad passed earlier this
| year. I don't have any video recordings of his voice. Only
| memories. I had no idea what it would be like this side of his
| death. I think you made a really smart move.
| loveudad wrote:
| Very sorry for your loss. It's incredible how few videos are
| about thinking, not-celebrity adults. Gigabytes about kids with
| adult voiceover, some occasional video with one parent filming
| the other with other family members, but as of a few weeks ago
| I had nearly nothing with him being the subject, let alone him
| talking for more than seconds.
|
| It's also made me more aware that there isn't even much where
| I'm filmed with my own kids (I'm the one filming 99.9% of the
| time).
| latchkey wrote:
| Sorry for your loss. During covid, I was lucky enough to be
| afforded the ability to buy a condo about 100 feet from my dads
| house. I see him almost every day now. We both know that he is
| getting on in his old age/health and this is the last time that
| I'll have a chance to spend time with him. Definitely appreciate
| it.
| Mouthfeel wrote:
| I recorded a late night conversation with my dad a couple months
| before he died of dementia and cancer. It was moreso him
| ruminating on his life's regrets. It was a lot of word salad but
| there was a genuine feeling there that he had squandered a lot of
| his time. He kept saying that he "fell off" somewhere along the
| way.
| ipnon wrote:
| I hope your father has found some peace. It has been a dream of
| mine to record enough of my father to create a neural net capable
| of imitating him. I know it would be a phantom parroting for me,
| but still. I understand this idea is a bit disturbing to some,
| but maybe it could ease the grief of others.
| loveudad wrote:
| I realized that I have some voicemail records lying around and
| listening to them I must say they're a not insignificant part
| of my recent interactions with him. It crossed my mind that
| emailing them to myself at random could mimic him but I'm
| afraid that it could be counterproductive with mourning.
| Flankk wrote:
| I think it would cause a lot of harm. Part of the grieving
| process is accepting that they are gone. The pain is terrible
| but I'm not sure that makes it a bad thing. The perspective you
| gain is powerful.
| jmathai wrote:
| Sorry for your loss.
|
| Thanks for sharing this. I interviewed both of my parents
| (separately) several years ago and recorded the video and took
| notes that I transcribed. They are both still living but these
| are some of the most valuable digital files that I possess.
|
| I may interview them jointly now. But doing it separately helped
| get their individual personalities to come through.
| edmcnulty101 wrote:
| This is great idea. I wish I had done this with my Mom but am
| deff going to do with my Dad.
|
| Can you recommend some good questions to ask during the interview
| that resonated when you were watching it?
| ontologiae wrote:
| 15 years ago I had the lighnight idea to interview my grandfather
| who join the french resistance during the WWII. I interviewed him
| about the life before the war, in the country and his experience
| during the war, when he had to become clandestine in his own
| country because he didn't joined the mandatory german working
| program (STO). It's the most concrete thing we keep from him, and
| I just regret I didn't interview him more.
| jprd wrote:
| Thank you, so very much, for sharing this. This exact activity
| has been at the top of my mind of late, and I will be using your
| experience as motivation before I lose my chance.
|
| Posting this could not have been easy for you, it might be lost
| to history eventually, but know that it has already impacted the
| lives of others. Profoundly.
|
| It isn't enough, and yet it is a pretty powerful outcome not only
| of your Dad's time here with you, but also how he raised a human
| being who in a time of hurt and loss wanted to help others.
|
| Thank you, and thanks to your Dad as well.
| superamit wrote:
| Thanks for sharing this!
|
| Did you have any themes around the questions you asked?
___________________________________________________________________
(page generated 2022-08-04 23:00 UTC)