[HN Gopher] Porn use and men's and women's sexual performance
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Porn use and men's and women's sexual performance
        
       Author : jinjin2
       Score  : 108 points
       Date   : 2022-07-24 14:03 UTC (8 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.cambridge.org)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.cambridge.org)
        
       | unknownsky wrote:
       | I suspect this is because porn is usually (not always) made by
       | men, for men. Women watching porn learn about what men like. Men
       | watching porn get further entrenched in their own desires, and
       | learn to expect that sex will play out in a way that they
       | themselves prefer.
        
       | emptysongglass wrote:
       | Wife and I are in an open relationship, this is anecdotal: number
       | of men she's hooked up with who get performance anxiety is
       | massive like it's at least 60 to 70 percent of men who have a
       | hard time getting and maintaining an erection.
        
         | nonamenoslogan wrote:
        
         | theplumber wrote:
        
           | 1658512800 wrote:
           | Have you considered that the primary partners in an open
           | relationship can be both honest and secure within themselves?
        
             | theplumber wrote:
             | Then why does she feel the need to tell him that 70% of men
             | do not function sexually?
             | 
             | I think he is the insecure guy and she is selling him the
             | "functionality" issue of her dates. To me it is obvious.
        
           | emptysongglass wrote:
           | Why would she be playing me? I often get videos with the
           | men's consent (when she's found a guy who, ahem, functions)
           | so I don't think there's anything to play me for.
        
             | theplumber wrote:
             | >> Why would she be playing me?
             | 
             | To keep the status quo.
        
               | imbnwa wrote:
               | He already refuted your implicit gender assumption
        
               | theplumber wrote:
               | His wife meets only guys who cannot "function" sexually
               | because most of the guys that get sexually involved do
               | not function sexually, right? Is she that unlucky?
               | 
               | His wife either assumes he's aware that's not really true
               | or is taking him for a fool. Perhaps she is selling him
               | the "didn't function" to spare her of the story
               | telling/video tape. The trick is as old as the world.
        
               | emptysongglass wrote:
               | What's the status quo, exactly? You seem to be pitching a
               | whole lot of negative assumptions for someone who knows
               | nothing about me.
        
               | theplumber wrote:
               | >> What's the status quo, exactly?
               | 
               | If your wife would tell you are mediocre compared with
               | the guys she meets, would you still be "open" to the open
               | relationship?
        
         | zeroonetwothree wrote:
         | Or at least that's what she tells you.
        
           | emptysongglass wrote:
           | There was another HNer casting such aspersions before you who
           | deleted their comment but it was also _not nice_.
           | 
           | Honestly, folks, who hurt you and what makes you want to hurt
           | others with this vile stuff? Be _kind_ please.
           | 
           | Is it so unthinkable that women and men can go out there and
           | be honest with each other?
        
           | thunkshift1 wrote:
           | edgy redditor who thinks he's being witty spotted
        
       | superb-owl wrote:
       | > The findings reveal the irony that porn - a male-dominated
       | industry that targets a male-dominated audience - is associated
       | with the erosion of the quality of men's sex lives and the
       | improvement of women's sex lives
       | 
       | I wonder if the effect would hold if there were more porn that
       | caters to women. Or if consumption of romance novels has a
       | similar but inverted effect.
        
         | standardUser wrote:
         | I know a lot of women who watch hardcore porn and no one who
         | reads romance novels (that I know of!). I think there is plenty
         | of room for more and better porn (for both women and men) but
         | the idea that women don't want to see graphic sex is a myth.
        
       | Comevius wrote:
       | This wasn't in the paper, but men in general tend to be geared
       | toward non-emotional stimulus and action-oriented thinking. Their
       | supernormal stimulus is hardcore and paraphilic porn for this
       | reason, which then of course invokes unfavorable comparisons,
       | because of how unrealistic they are.
       | 
       | Women in general respond to emotional stimulus better. Their
       | supernormal stimulus is erotic romance, also known to create
       | unrealistic expectations, however these expectations are about
       | men, not the readers themselves.
       | 
       | I don't know porn much, but I know erotic romance, and it's
       | central thesis is that it's a form of fantasy in which the MFC
       | (main female character) is wanted by one, sometimes two (menage)
       | and occasionally more (reverse harem) MMCs (main male
       | characters). The allure is that she is the center of their world.
       | HEA (happily ever after) is usually expected, especially for
       | romance, and cheating is forbidden. Alpha males, billionaires,
       | daddy and stepbrother types are the most popular MMCs, along with
       | aliens and monsters. The pattern is being able to tame, or at
       | least withstand or even enjoy something possessive, dominant and
       | aggressive. Another pattern is being able to lay down the burden
       | of having to be in control, or having adult responsibilities
       | altogether. Women also enjoy reading about gay men, reportedly
       | because they don't have to identify with an MFC. In romance it is
       | important to create an emotional framework that explains why the
       | characters want each other, and in erotic romance this can happen
       | through sexual discovery. Being fated to be together is a
       | popular, if lazy framework. Erotica without an emotional
       | framework is much less popular and hard to monetize because the
       | payment processors are squeamish of adult content in the first
       | place and the readers tend to feel bad about just erotica, which
       | is a recipe for disaster. Reportedly erotic romance actually
       | helps women improve their sexual life, perhaps because it
       | encourages sexual discovery.
        
         | fold3 wrote:
         | >but men in general tend to be geared toward non-emotional
         | stimulus and action-oriented thinking. Their supernormal
         | stimulus is hardcore and paraphilic porn for this reason, which
         | then of course invokes unfavorable comparisons, because of how
         | unrealistic they are.
         | 
         | >Women in general respond to emotional stimulus better. Their
         | supernormal stimulus is erotic romance, also known to create
         | unrealistic expectations, however these expectations are about
         | men, not the readers themselves.
         | 
         | Do you have a source for this claim? I've heard this claim many
         | times but I've never seen it proven scientifically.
        
           | Comevius wrote:
           | Humans are pretty complicated and arousal is a dynamic and
           | malleable, biopsychosocial process. The individual
           | differences, variability is what makes humans so successful.
           | 
           | There is however truth to women relying on emotional context
           | more for arousal, but remember it's a biopsychosocial
           | process, so some of that is malleable.
           | 
           | https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10548-009-0130-5
           | 
           | Within the erotic fiction market stories with an emotional
           | context tend to do better with both men and women, however
           | men are less sensitive to the lack of such context. Erotic
           | fanfiction is also very popular with women, reportedly
           | because the characters and their relationships are already
           | fleshed out. Also lesbian erotic fiction is two different
           | market, men and lesbian women tend to like different stories.
           | Stories that turn men into women (feminization, genderswap)
           | are somewhat popular, but have a cis woman dominate a cis man
           | and the readers vanish. Most women (more than 95%) don't care
           | for it, even if a lot of men do (around 25%), however most of
           | those men prefer watching femdom porn. You can sell maledom
           | diaper age play erotica with shapeshifters or aliens, as long
           | as there is a relationship to be developed between the
           | characters, the female readership is there for it. The 18th
           | best seller in erotica on Amazon is a monster romance book
           | about milking monsters for a living, specifically because
           | it's a love story between a human and a minotaur.
        
         | dicytea wrote:
         | Interestingly, I can see basically almost all of the tropes
         | described in the last paragraph in many male-targeted
         | manga/anime/visual novel with romance elements.
        
         | renewiltord wrote:
         | This strikes me as cultural. In the vein of "guys like drawing
         | dicks on things". Not only do I not do that but I know few who
         | do across many countries.
         | 
         | This makes me think that this stuff is cultural mimicry
         | resulting in conforming to local gender roles rather than a
         | true gender divide.
         | 
         | Happy to alter beliefs based on evidence that target this
         | specific notion: that it is not subcultural.
        
           | TaylorAlexander wrote:
           | Well I am only one example but I am transgender and started
           | taking estrogen six months ago. As my dosage has increased,
           | my porn preferences have changed. I used to be interested in
           | live performance porn with no interest in comics, but
           | recently the live performance stuff has lost almost all
           | appeal and I have found that erotic comics are very
           | interesting and arousing.
           | 
           | So I think in some respects there are true differences
           | between estrogen and testosterone. The rest of my life has
           | stayed rather constant during this time, and I am 37 years
           | old.
        
             | hitekker wrote:
             | Thanks for calling this out. The twitter meme of "anything
             | I like is natural, anything I don't like is cultural" is
             | pretty braindead. Even just one aspect of our biology like
             | hormones impacts human behavior considerably.
        
               | TaylorAlexander wrote:
               | Well there is this issue right of for example men saying
               | women aren't good at programming because of hormones,
               | which is nonsense. But the real answer isn't to assume
               | anything in one direction or the other it is to look for
               | scientific evidence. And in this case trans people going
               | either way provide for some great information on this
               | topic and trans people are also often very willing to
               | talk about these changes (when its safe).
        
             | techdragon wrote:
             | I find these sorts of personal stories fascinating, it's a
             | unique and valuable window into the hormonal tides our
             | psychological foundations are floating upon.
             | 
             | It would be wildly unethical to get people to take these
             | out of hormonal manipulative drugs for purely a
             | psychological study so the only way to get this sort of
             | understanding is through people like yourself sharing your
             | experience, so thank you for sharing your story!
        
               | TaylorAlexander wrote:
               | Yes! If you are in trans circles this stuff is all common
               | knowledge as everyone wants to talk about this stuff, but
               | I understand the stories don't get in to the wider
               | discourse as often.
        
             | inglor_cz wrote:
             | I no longer remember who said that, but it was a woman who
             | started taking testosterone for some medical reason. She
             | said something like "wow, that was a change, suddenly I
             | wanted to fight or fuck almost everyone I met".
        
               | TaylorAlexander wrote:
               | Yes this is a well known effect of trans men taking
               | testosterone. But trans issues in the wider discourse
               | currently still boil down to some very basic stuff with
               | no real nuance or understanding.
        
           | peoplefromibiza wrote:
           | > "guys like drawing dicks on things"
           | 
           | not only this is true across different cultures, but also
           | throughout history.
           | 
           |  _1800 years old Roman penis carving near the Hadrian 's
           | wall_
           | 
           | https://www.militarytimes.com/resizer/1V8zCb1tPjuWr0elUXTJhd.
           | ..
           | 
           |  _1700 years old penis graffiti in ancient Rome_
           | 
           | https://i0.wp.com/hyperallergic-
           | newspack.s3.amazonaws.com/up...
           | 
           |  _Priapus weighting his dick in Pompei_
           | 
           | https://images-
           | cdn.bridgemanimages.com/api/1.0/image/600wm.X...
           | 
           |  _Penis Parinirvana, Edo Japanese scroll_
           | 
           | https://media.britishmuseum.org/media/Repository/Documents/2.
           | ..
           | 
           |  _Phallic Fertility in the Ancient Near East and Egypt_
           | 
           | https://encrypted-
           | tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRoS-c0...
           | 
           |  _winged penis in ancient India_
           | 
           | https://www.michaellaird.com/pictures/3217_4.jpg?v=160027396.
           | ..
           | 
           | and so on
        
             | x-shadowban wrote:
             | >Priapus weighting his dick in Pompei
             | 
             | Ah the origin of priapism, it all makes sense now. Not sure
             | if that's an honor or not for the guy.
        
               | peoplefromibiza wrote:
               | the cult of Priapus it's very old, it was born in ancient
               | Greece and the story says that he was the son of
               | Aphrodite and another god (some say Dionysus some Zeus
               | himself) and Hera, jealous of her unfaithful husband,
               | gave him a grotesque look and a giant phallus.
               | 
               | It became an auspicious of fertility during Alexander the
               | Great and an important figure in Roman mythology.
               | 
               | So he was born cursed, but then honored.
        
             | elliekelly wrote:
             | How do we know all of those artists were men?
        
               | peoplefromibiza wrote:
               | because we know.
               | 
               | At least for the things I've showed.
               | 
               | If you know of female roman soldiers walking the
               | Hadrian's wall, female painters in Pompei or female
               | sculptors in ancient Egypt, I'm eager to read about'em.
               | 
               | We know of women artists in Japanese Edo period, but they
               | did not paint penises (AFAIK)
               | 
               | But that's besides the point, the point wasn't if women
               | sometimes draw penises, the point was that 'boys like to
               | draw dicks on things' and historical records show that
               | they kinda always did.
        
             | renewiltord wrote:
             | I'm specifically perfectly okay with "there exist guys who
             | like doing this in every culture". I do not question that.
             | It appears true even today. Personally I interpret "guys do
             | X" as "among guys, doing X is common".
             | 
             | For instance, if I said "guys do MDMA" and showed evidence
             | of MDMA use in different cultures, you wouldn't be
             | convinced right?
        
               | peoplefromibiza wrote:
               | MDMA is not ancestral and you won't find guys doing it in
               | ancient Babylon
               | 
               | The point is boys have a penis and they draw penises.
               | 
               | The penis has always been a symbol of fertility because
               | it represents the seed. Semen in English translates to
               | the Italian word seme (which means both sperm and seed)
               | and, no wonders, it comes from Latin semen (pronounced
               | /'se|me|n/), but the Latin word meant "from the same
               | roots". In Greek it's sperma (pronounced /'sperma/), in
               | Italian the same word is sperma, in English it's sperm.
               | 
               | From sperma (seed) comes the Italian word speme, that
               | means "hope"
               | 
               | In Japanese, Chinese, Sino-Tibetan, Vietnamese, the word
               | is always related to "sprout" and "grow".
               | 
               | The Japanese kanji for sperm has two roots from Chinese
               | alphabet, one means energy, perfect, the second means
               | child.
               | 
               | MDMA is just a synthetic drug of this time and place
               | (mostly the west), it doesn't mean anything for anyone.
               | 
               | So, while girls today are (mostly) free to express their
               | artistic abilities, unlike the ancient past, they prefer
               | to draw vulvas (in various forms from the most realistic
               | to the metaphorical ones) and not dicks, because they do
               | not have one.
        
           | yamrzou wrote:
           | > Happy to alter beliefs based on evidence that target this
           | specific notion: that it is not subcultural.
           | 
           | I won't address your particular example ("guys like drawing
           | dicks on things"), but a similar one that I'm sure strikes
           | you as cultural as well: the sex difference in toy
           | preferences and play behaviour. The following is an excerpt
           | from the book _Perspectives in Male Psychology_ by Louise
           | Liddon and John Barry, which argues that it 's not
           | subcultural:
           | 
           |  _"Some of the most intriguing evidence supporting the
           | biological basis for sex differences in toy preferences
           | comes, unexpectedly, from animals. There is a large body of
           | evidence in animal research finding strong effects of
           | prenatal and perinatal exposure to sex hormones on a range of
           | sex-related behaviours, including juvenile play (Meyer-
           | Bahlburg et al., 2004). Even more intriguingly, some research
           | has found that male monkeys spend longer than females
           | manipulating toys that move (wheeled toys or a ball), whereas
           | female monkeys make more contact with a doll and cooking pot
           | (Alexander & Hines, 2002; Hassett et al., 2008). Most
           | intriguing of all is research that finds a sex difference in
           | how primates play with objects: young females tend to play
           | with objects as if they are nurturing an infant, and young
           | males play with the same objects with more vigour, often as a
           | weapon.
           | 
           | Compelling evidence for a biological basis for play behaviour
           | comes from a 14-year study of 'stick-carrying' in Ugandan
           | chimpanzees (Kahlenberg & Wrangham, 2010). These chimps tend
           | to use sticks to signal aggression, to find food (e.g. taking
           | honey from a hole), during play or as 'stick-carrying'. This
           | latter behaviour accounted for about 40% of stick-related
           | behaviour, and was initially puzzling for researchers. The
           | behaviour was observed to be most common in juvenile females,
           | compared to weapon use, which was most common in males. The
           | researchers noted that stick-carrying sometimes involved
           | cradling of the stick, and the behaviour always occurred
           | prior to the female's first birth and ended when the female
           | became a mother. The researchers concluded that stick-
           | carrying is a form of play-mothering. The sex difference in
           | stick-carrying appeared to be spontaneous and without any
           | teaching by adult chimps, making social learning an unlikely
           | explanation.
           | 
           | The overall explanation for the sex differences observed in
           | these various human and non-human animal studies is that, in
           | general, males are naturally predisposed to activities such
           | as hunting and building, and females are naturally
           | predisposed to nurturing the young (Hines, 2005).
           | Extrapolating this evidence to humans, when boys are playing
           | with cars this could be an expression of an innate tendency
           | to track moving objects, as might be done in hunting, and
           | when girls play with dolls this could be an expression of an
           | innate tendency to nurturance and mothering."_
        
             | heavenlyblue wrote:
             | Humans have not been hunter-gatherers for 5 thousand years
             | now. This is approximately the time it took to make wolves
             | into dogs, domesticate cats, etc. You can't possibly assume
             | everything men/women do is related to that time when we
             | were primal humans because there was already thousands of
             | years of evolution that separated us from those people.
        
               | inglor_cz wrote:
               | 5 thousand of years aren't nothing, but they aren't that
               | much either, at least when it comes to the course of
               | human evolution. We seem to be anatomically
               | indistinguishable from people who lived not 5, but 50
               | thousand years ago.
               | 
               | There are obviously some newer adaptations (the ability
               | to digest milk as adults in certain populations, or even
               | sickle cell disease in West Africans), but they seem to
               | be the exceptions to the rule.
        
               | imtringued wrote:
               | You're right, we are beyond melee weapons, real grown men
               | play with guns.
        
               | spfzero wrote:
               | Interesting argument. Wolves and dogs are behaviorally
               | almost identical. Domestic cats and wild cats are as
               | well. If you've ever been around feral cats or stray
               | dogs, you know to stay well clear of them, as they revert
               | to wild behavior pretty quickly. Their domestic
               | performances depend on their living experience being
               | carefully controlled by humans.
        
         | georgia_peach wrote:
        
           | toiletfuneral wrote:
        
           | sascha_sl wrote:
           | That's the worst take I've read all month. Congrats!
           | 
           | No, the feminist work about a facist patriarchy is not
           | actually secretly a fetish novel about the submission fetish
           | all women supposedly share.
        
             | gweinberg wrote:
             | Just some of them!
        
       | collegeburner wrote:
       | waow look what the science men found!!1 ask any young guy my age,
       | our generation was mostly crippled by this shit. people was just
       | too afraid to talk bc its one of the sacred cows of the sex-
       | positive feminism movement. addiction to it is like cigarettes
       | for ppl in the 60s, totally normal. its completely normal to hear
       | a girl complain her bf having problems bc porn use, these are
       | young ppl who should be 20 yrs away from ed. shits poison fr.
        
         | vonseel wrote:
         | People are always way less active today, which could explain
         | some of the ED in 20-30 something range versus men that age 25+
         | years ago. I think people can be too quick to point at porn as
         | causing ED when it could be any combination of things (obesity,
         | poor cardio health, nutrition, etc)
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | zasdffaa wrote:
       | A question. I've no problem with hardcore porn but I'm put off by
       | badly by some of what I assume to be porn oriented at men;
       | completely emotionless robotic banging. Porn for women is much
       | more affectionate and for me that makes it so much more
       | enjoyable. I really want to see people genuinely having a good
       | time or (to me) what's the point.
       | 
       | I don't know if I'm unusual in this but I'd like to know what
       | other people think. I seriously wonder if a lot of porn produced
       | is aimed at what the studios think the audience want rather than
       | actually finding out if it is. I could well be wrong though.
       | 
       | No judgement on anyone for liking what I don't, that's fine.
       | 
       | So, is it just me?
        
         | ralusek wrote:
         | I think I'm probably the other end of the spectrum. I'm
         | perfectly content with just a close-up picture of a vagina.
         | Penis going in and out of vagina in as high def as possible is
         | basically optimal. If there's anything else in the scene my
         | brain basically disregards it.
         | 
         | This is the case for me about 75% of the time, unless I'm in "a
         | mood."
        
         | pessimizer wrote:
         | > I've no problem with hardcore porn but I'm put off by badly
         | by some of what I assume to be porn oriented at men; completely
         | emotionless robotic banging. Porn for women is much more
         | affectionate and for me that makes it so much more enjoyable. I
         | really want to see people genuinely having a good time or (to
         | me) what's the point.
         | 
         | Counterpoint: I find this stuff creepy and voyeuristic. I think
         | watching porn to watch normal loving couples having straight
         | sex is somewhere between peeping in windows to watch a healthy,
         | normal family have dinner (and to fantasize about being them),
         | or like going to the circus to watch nonathletic people
         | exercise.
         | 
         | Watching porn to see sexual athletes and performers do what
         | they do for a living, and enjoying the unusual and exceptional,
         | and not really thinking that its something that you're
         | obligated to imitate or emulate, for me, is the least creepy
         | perspective. The opposite, to me, is a strange insistence that
         | the only porn that is worthwhile is porn that is held up as a
         | model, and that people who don't see pornography as a model are
         | perverted. For me, that's like saying it's perverted to watch a
         | trapeze artist, or a gymnast.
        
         | standardUser wrote:
         | I think the massive increase in amateur porn is filling this
         | gap. Much of the content on PornHub is now amateur, and there
         | are camming sites like Chaturbate that feature real couples
         | having live sex, and of course OnlyFans.
         | 
         | I think there are plenty of amazing "mainstream" porn scenes
         | out there too, but they tend to get lost in an endless sea of
         | repetitive sub-par pro porn.
        
         | ldjb wrote:
         | Interesting question. A few thoughts:
         | 
         | Obviously everyone's tastes are different but, broadly
         | speaking, the most popular porn videos do not tend to be the
         | most romantic or sensual. That said, there are many niches in
         | porn, and videos made for women can be very successful within
         | that niche.
         | 
         | Producers are incentivised to create videos that will sell.
         | It's not much good if a video is popular on free tube sites but
         | nobody pays for it. There is evidence to suggest that women are
         | a lot less likely to pay for porn than men are, and there is
         | therefore a lot less of an incentive to create porn for that
         | demographic.
         | 
         | Creating romantic/passionate porn is not easy! The script and
         | casting (amongst many other things) need to be just right for
         | it to work. Therefore it's going to take more time and effort.
         | So many studios will focus on mass producing videos. There's an
         | obvious trade-off between quality and quantity, and many
         | studios will have found that it's just more profitable to churn
         | out videos as quickly as possible.
        
         | dragontamer wrote:
         | Maybe go for erotic novels (or Visual Novels to video games)
         | instead?
         | 
         | Male oriented erotica in book form is rare in US culture, but
         | common in the Japanese light novel / visual novel community.
         | 
         | Books focus on characters thoughts and emotions because that's
         | the medium of words.
         | 
         | -------
         | 
         | Most book-based erotica seems to be aimed at female audiences
         | for some reason, so I think there is a bit of a cultural
         | expectation here.
         | 
         | Still, with the growing popularity of erotic visual novels (and
         | heck, just novels in general) I have to imagine that the male
         | reader base exists out there.
         | 
         | -----
         | 
         | I'm not saying Hunniepop is the best written piece of
         | literature I've seen. But there are words and emotions there,
         | and a mild focus on what the various women want (albeit with
         | the male sex fantasy slants).
         | 
         | Since the majority of the game is in fact, reading mundane
         | situations and figuring out which gifts work best for each girl
         | (ie gameplay mechanic to force the players into reading the
         | story), it forces the player to at least explore the female
         | characters a bit before you get the porno scene.
        
         | frebo wrote:
         | I think this essay describes this phenomenon well, and its
         | effects on intimacy: https://emmalindsay.medium.com/porn-makes-
         | men-terrible-in-be...
         | 
         | Some excerpts:
         | 
         | > _Many young men will watch porn more often than they have sex
         | with other humans. Their beliefs about sex will come from porn
         | and not from interactions with real people_
         | 
         | > _And, the real humans who they eventually have sex with
         | suffer for it._
         | 
         | > _Most porn is about watching women pretend to enjoy sex acts
         | that are unpleasant to them. It doesn 't have to be this way,
         | but it is._
         | 
         | > _Men who watch this type of porn are basically being taught
         | sexual practices that will not work in real life. Why does that
         | matter? Well, if you 're an 18 year old virgin, the only moves
         | you're learning are moves that will leave your partners
         | miserable._
         | 
         | > _More than that, however, is men become accustomed to
         | watching women pretending to be turned on. Being good in bed,
         | fundamentally, is about being able to read someone else, and
         | men are learning false cues._
         | 
         | > [...]
         | 
         | > _Men become conditioned to watching women in pain pretending
         | to be enjoying sex. How good an actress is your average porn
         | actress? Good enough to cover up all the subtle cues that she's
         | hurting? Good enough to be able to fake genuine sexual
         | pleasure? I suspect not._
         | 
         | > _This means that your average young man is starting at worse
         | than zero when it comes to sex with women. If he 's having sex
         | with a girl, and she's giving out cues that she's in pain
         | (through her facial expression, or the noises she makes) he's
         | going to think that's how sex should be because that's what he
         | learned in porn. If she's genuinely turned on, he will not know
         | how to identify it, because he's watched so many women
         | pretending to be turned on that his ability to identify genuine
         | pleasure has been scrambled. And, this is best case scenario
         | porn. This is if he watched porn where the women were at least
         | pretending to have a good time._
         | 
         | > _More sadistic porn will teach young men to derive pleasure
         | from causing women pain - and I 'm not talking about BDSM. I'm
         | talking about "vanilla" porn where men fuck women in ways that
         | hurt them._
        
           | dragontamer wrote:
           | I think this basically applies to all fictional works though.
           | 
           | I can go on a rant (and in fact, I have multiple times) about
           | how Iron Man and Batman have taught an entire generation of
           | moviegoers about incredibly shitty corporate behavior.
           | 
           | Instead of showing people the moral and just thing to do in
           | company settings, people see the crap Batman or Ironman pulls
           | (Iron Man literally killing a board member who ended up being
           | a villain for example, or batman forcing his board and strong
           | arming them out of the company).
           | 
           | These are shown as heroic actions by the protagonist, but
           | really would be the stuff of moral disaster in the real
           | world.
           | 
           | I've more or less accepted that most fiction is about doing
           | amoral things that the author personally thinks is cool. But
           | the authors understanding of morality in these situations is
           | pretty bad in most cases, possibly because the author has
           | little experience of corporate ethics (or in this topic,
           | crazy large sexual harems and whatnot)
        
           | zasdffaa wrote:
           | This is just a bad feminists ant-porn rant. She can't mention
           | porn without bringing in hurting women or sadism. I reject
           | that this has anything useful related to my question. I
           | reject this view that any but a small minority of men want to
           | see such things.
           | 
           | I ask about affection in sex and you post this?
        
             | frebo wrote:
             | It's relevant to your comment - the author is discussing
             | why pornography doesn't depict people enjoying genuine
             | sexual intimacy.
             | 
             | Which parts of her essay do you believe are factually or
             | logically incorrect?
        
               | standardUser wrote:
               | "Most porn is about watching women pretend to enjoy sex
               | acts that are unpleasant to them. It doesn't have to be
               | this way, but it is."
               | 
               | It doesn't have to be this way, and it isn't. Amateur
               | porn is on the rise and doesn't fit at all with most of
               | the above anti-porn screed. There's always going to be
               | awful porn, but there seems to be a lot of people who
               | refuse to believe that there is also an near-endless
               | supply homemade and semi-pro porn. It's easy to criticize
               | porn (or _anything_ ) if you only look at the worst
               | examples.
        
       | jquaint wrote:
       | From the paper
       | 
       | > Accordingly, and contrary to what is often suggested in popular
       | books on the psychology of pornography (e.g. Zimbardo & Coulombe,
       | Reference Zimbardo and Coulombe2015), men who face sexual
       | problems and choose to terminate porn use may experience only
       | marginal improvements in their sexual lives (assuming that we can
       | draw causal inferences from our findings); similarly, women who
       | face sexual problems might be well advised not to consider porn
       | use to be a sexual panacea.
       | 
       | This is interesting for sure but you can't draw sweeping
       | conclusions from this research.
        
       | georgia_peach wrote:
       | _The Reign of Quantity and the Signs of the Times_
       | 
       | Latest example: Taylorism, applied to the bedroom.
        
       | superchroma wrote:
       | "The results revealed a twofold phenomenon. Among men, a higher
       | frequency of porn use and increased porn use over time were
       | associated with lower levels of sexual self-competence, impaired
       | sexual functioning, and decreased partner-reported sexual
       | satisfaction. In contrast, among women, higher and increasing
       | frequencies of porn use were associated with higher levels of
       | sexual self-competence, improved sexual functioning, and enhanced
       | partner-reported sexual satisfaction (for some aspects)."
        
         | jinjin2 wrote:
         | Interesting paradoxical conclusion:
         | 
         | "The findings reveal the irony that porn - a male-dominated
         | industry that targets a male-dominated audience - is associated
         | with the erosion of the quality of men's sex lives and the
         | improvement of women's sex lives."
        
           | what-imright wrote:
           | Yea that sentence shows a bias. Very shady
        
           | superb-owl wrote:
           | I think this actually makes a lot of sense.
           | 
           | Porn is engineered to suit men's desires and tastes, rather
           | than women's. Watching it teaches both groups to accept norms
           | that are preferential to men. If you're a (hetero) man, this
           | makes you a more selfish partner and vice versa for a woman.
        
             | canjobear wrote:
             | While this makes sense, it's not convincing to me because
             | it seems that similar logic could be applied even if the
             | observed results were the opposite. Ie if porn increased
             | men's performance and decreased women's performance, that
             | could also be explained from porn teaching norms that are
             | preferential to men.
        
             | fold3 wrote:
             | Exactly my thoughts.
             | 
             | Meanwhile, I think more straight cismen should read the sex
             | section of women magazines (ELLE, Marie-Claire, etc) to get
             | the basics of what women likes and wants.
        
             | numpad0 wrote:
             | Porn properly engineered to suit men's desires suck. This
             | is just my experience but they don't work. Good porn has
             | female audiences or are sometimes even authored by cis
             | female person even when the product is classified as "for
             | men". I don't know if opposite is true as well but this
             | "porn is men's thing made by men" don't seem factual.
             | 
             | Sorry if I'll be somehow offending trans or cat people by
             | saying this, but not everyone has a concrete gender
             | identification above life and always prefixing their
             | thoughts with that.
        
           | numpad0 wrote:
           | > a male-dominated industry that targets a male-dominated
           | audience
           | 
           | Or this isn't reflecting the reality as we would think it is
        
           | matbatt38 wrote:
           | If the metric is partner-reported sexual satisfaction, it
           | seems more likely to me that women's porn consumption
           | increases men's sex life. It stills works in that direction
        
         | User23 wrote:
         | Let's not forget that old arrow of causality. Perhaps men who
         | are bad at sex are more likely to view porn rather than viewing
         | porn making them bad at sex. Similarly maybe women who view
         | porn are already sexually successful and are looking for ideas.
         | 
         | Male and female sexual function aren't particularly comparable
         | either. If a man can't get an erection then sexual intercourse
         | just isn't going to happen. There's no hard analog for women.
         | That's just one example, there are many others.
         | 
         | > and enhanced partner-reported sexual satisfaction (for some
         | aspects)."
         | 
         | I read this as something like: women who watch porn are more
         | likely to perform fellatio well.
        
           | gizajob wrote:
           | In my experience, real-world fellatrices are either naturally
           | good at it, or aren't. I don't think porn presents a good
           | demonstration of competent technique or how to adapt one's
           | style to changing circumstances.
        
       | tmsh wrote:
       | This assumes sexual performance in a relationship is worth
       | optimizing for. There may be many other factors at play.
       | Reduction of time spent thinking sexual thoughts. Partner's with
       | a reduced sex drive or disability etc. Just worth bearing in mind
       | the study (which is very useful/interesting) looks at just one
       | objective.
       | 
       | There's also the degree and how long one looks at porn. And how
       | that can free up time for other things that are attractive in
       | relationships (financial security etc). As a hypothetical
       | consider a person who looks at porn for 5min every two days, and
       | stays very focused on accumulating wealth for a few years and
       | then reduces this and focuses more on sexual performance.
        
         | emptysongglass wrote:
         | > This assumes sexual performance in a relationship is worth
         | optimizing for.
         | 
         | I think this is sending the wrong signal to readers. Yes,
         | ninety percent of the time it is worth optimizing for. It's
         | literally what we're wired to do and your partner will
         | appreciate it.
         | 
         | That doesn't mean that that ten percent of an outlier doesn't
         | exist but broadcasting doubt that it is worth optimizing for is
         | not the wisdom most people need to hear.
        
           | schroeding wrote:
           | ... or just ask your partner and if it really is
           | unsatisfactory, you can always buy a Hitachi or something and
           | use that together. And maybe don't trust HN for relationship
           | advise. :D
           | 
           | Sorry. :P
        
       | dundarious wrote:
       | Sample collection was from solicitation by a YouTuber:
       | 
       | > In June 2015, the French YouTuber Mathieu Sommet posted an
       | online video that invited his followers to complete a
       | questionnaire entitled 'Sexual profile of adults'.^2 A total of
       | 171 462 participants (18+ year-olds) started the questionnaire,
       | and 101 572 finished it.
       | 
       | There's probably some value in the study, but it's probably
       | inappropriate to draw hard conclusions from it (pun not
       | intended).
        
         | stickfigure wrote:
         | > There's probably some value in the study
         | 
         | As a rough approximation, it's probably fair to assign it the
         | same value as youtube comments.
        
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