[HN Gopher] Me and Monotropism: A unified theory of autism (2018)
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Me and Monotropism: A unified theory of autism (2018)
        
       Author : edward
       Score  : 84 points
       Date   : 2022-07-22 10:37 UTC (12 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.bps.org.uk)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.bps.org.uk)
        
       | yamrzou wrote:
       | (2018)
        
       | jimmaswell wrote:
       | > the most widely recognised symbol of it (unpopular in the
       | autistic community
       | 
       | I could've sworn they were about to say Sheldon Cooper
        
       | nathias wrote:
       | I think the opposite is true, there is just much more neural
       | diversity that we think and the neurotypicality just hides this
       | because we only see behaviours and those can be achieved in many
       | completely different ways.
        
       | hirundo wrote:
       | It would be useful to have a monotropism knob, to turn up when
       | studying something technical or coding, and down when situational
       | awareness is key, as in hunting or at a party. At least if we
       | could experience different levels of focus it could make us aware
       | that a high position on the spectrum can be more advantage than
       | disorder.
        
         | teucris wrote:
         | Vernor Vinge explores this in "A Fire Upon the Deep" with a
         | technology (I believe it's called "Focus") that turns people
         | into extreme monotropes to perform complex tasks and solve
         | difficult problems. It's a great examination of the darker
         | implications of being able to manipulate people in this way.
        
           | [deleted]
        
         | bitwize wrote:
         | OK to pep up your language centers?
         | 
         | https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2010/12/20/escape-from-sp...
        
         | golemotron wrote:
         | One could argue that Adderall and similar medications are that
         | knob.
        
           | jiggunjer wrote:
           | But not available to the general public :(
        
       | jgilias wrote:
       | I have a question about autistic experience that I've had for
       | some time that I'd be very happy if someone could answer from
       | their perspective.
       | 
       | The (highly functioning) autistic people I've known in my life
       | all have this issue that they don't seem to be able to
       | acknowledge when they are wrong. To the point of denying reality
       | if it doesn't correspond to their mental model of whatever it is
       | that they are wrong about. Is this common and related in some way
       | to being on the spectrum, or just a coincidence?
        
         | ebjaas_2022 wrote:
         | I think the difference is that an autistic person will see
         | reality like this:                 |   O
         | O   |       | -----  ( inner landscape (fact) )  ----- |
         | |   |                                  |   |       |  / \
         | / \  |
         | 
         | While the non-autistic person will see it like this:
         | |   O
         | O   |       | -----  ( inner landscape (fact) ) ( inner
         | landscape (fact) ) ----- |       |   |
         | |   |       |  / \
         | / \  |
         | 
         | The non-autistic person will always assume that there are two
         | inner landscapes at play, in any given social situation, two
         | versions of reality, if you will, and two sets of facts. And
         | they will assume that the other person sees it in the same way:
         | They will assume that the other person _also_ allows for two
         | versions of reality, and two sets of facts.
         | 
         | The autistic person will, instead, view it as if there is one
         | big unified shared reality between him and the other person,
         | and one _true_ fact, in any given situation. He will also
         | assume that the other person sees it in the same way as
         | himself.
         | 
         | The "double empathy problem" is that neither of them can see
         | how the other person views the world. The non-autistic person
         | cannot comprehend that the autistic person sees a single shared
         | reality, and a single fact. Likewise, the autistic person
         | cannot comprehend that the non-autistic person sees two
         | different realities and two sets of facts.
        
         | TT-392 wrote:
         | To me I think that it is often just the case that I am not
         | completely convinced yet. Debating something with someone can
         | be a rather stressful social situation. Maybe I am not able to
         | explain my point of view well, and just want to get out of this
         | stressful situation. Also, when you actually think you might be
         | wrong about something, you are expected to admit you are wrong,
         | which basically feels like being pressured to announce that you
         | have just changed your worldview. Making a decision like that,
         | on the spot, in the middle of a stressful social situation,
         | while you are not even sure about it yet, can be a very anxiety
         | inducing situation.
         | 
         | Maybe it sounds a bit extreme to see admitting you are wrong as
         | announcing you changing your worldview, but it just kinda feels
         | like that for me, even if it is about something small.
         | 
         | Also, for me at least, I have this weird anxiety that, whenever
         | I tell someone I made a decision, that I could never go back on
         | that decision. It feels really weird to me. For the longest
         | time I felt like I couldn't let anyone know I wanted to live a
         | healthier lifestyle, because it somehow felt like, if I told
         | anyone about it, I could never go back to comfort food and
         | stuff like that. Not sure what that is all about, even my
         | psychologist didn't understand it.
        
           | liberia wrote:
           | Once you grok duality, you can hold two opposing worldviews
           | in your head at the same time. Many people are always shocked
           | when I pivot to the opposite of what I just said, and expect
           | me to be embarrassed. The thing about worldviews is that
           | they're malleable and context specific.
        
           | ravishi wrote:
           | That is very well put. I used to have this anxiety of never
           | going back too, just like you described. Now I think I may
           | have somehow changed perspectives and consequently changed my
           | whole worldview and convinced myself that the cost of keeping
           | all that up is too high, and embracing change and it's
           | tingly-itchy feeling is the way to go, so I naturally feel
           | slightly more inclined to change and not look back.
        
         | kayodelycaon wrote:
         | I have similar questions. There's one person I frequently come
         | into contact who... for a lack of a better explanation...
         | doesn't seem to understand other people have had a different
         | life experience. I'm going to butcher explaining this.
         | 
         | Someone will talk about their experience doing some task and
         | they'll pop in (uninvited) to say things don't work that way.
         | Their way is the only way things are done... or perhaps should
         | be done?
         | 
         | Talking to other people who know them, they've been doing this
         | their entire life and can't understand why this upsets people.
         | No attempt has made to learn. They just walk away and come back
         | to do the same thing. This has been happening for decades.
         | 
         | The my initial thought is: _This is incredibly aggravating. At
         | some point after many decades of extremely poor social
         | interactions, isn't it reasonable to assume someone would learn
         | to accept their experiences aren't the only ones?_
         | 
         | My second is: _is this just behavior neurotypical people do all
         | the time and are just nice about it?_
         | 
         | I find it difficult to understand. I'm not autistic, but on the
         | surface I deal with a lot of the same problems.
         | 
         | From my own background, I deeply struggled with social
         | interaction until I learned everything by rote memorization
         | until I could form a logical model of human psychology. I know
         | people the same way I know computer programs.
         | 
         | My mental model of humans does handle most autistic people I've
         | met. If my model was off, I'd notice the inputs and outputs
         | wouldn't match. I can usually tell when people are faking
         | things because they have a less complete mental model of
         | humans. The gaps are pretty glaring to me.
         | 
         | But I can't figure this person out. My model's conclusion is
         | this person is severely impaired in a way that affects how they
         | form mental models. Or... they are capable of learning but
         | would rather feel bad than change how they relate to people.
         | Whatever the problem is, it doesn't feel malicious. But
         | whatever it is, it's gone on for decades.
         | 
         | I don't like assuming either of those.
         | 
         | Edit: I should note, they seem like a decent person and I'm
         | inclined to believe they are. Their friends wouldn't tolerant
         | or defend someone with bad intentions.
        
           | grayclhn wrote:
           | Sometimes people are just bad at things, even things that
           | seem easy.
        
         | cgio wrote:
         | Maybe they were right? On a serious note, though, and I am
         | diagnosed if it adds any value to my response; anecdotally, I
         | tend to hold strong opinions only upon strict testing (usually
         | internalised argumentation) and, therefore in such cases,
         | maintain extreme bias when judging against alternative ideas.
         | Furthermore, in many cases I will only speak if I have
         | something to say. In that sense, if I understand I am wrong, it
         | makes sense to just accept it and does not look necessary to
         | communicate it. Similarly, in the realisation that the person I
         | am having argument with will not be convinced, I may still not
         | discuss further, even though I still think I am right, just
         | because I do not see the value of convincing. Understandably,
         | in the context of my previous statement, they might infer this
         | as an indication of me being wrong. The last few years, I have
         | started telling clearly that I am wrong, when I think I am, not
         | because I think it adds any value, but because it looks like
         | people are really passionate about proving themselves right to
         | others, when I mostly just care about being right. Telling
         | people you were wrong seems to make them happy and therefore
         | more prone to accept your position in future disagreements.
        
           | clairity wrote:
           | that all sounds like well-functioning, pro-social behavior to
           | me.
           | 
           | autism, like many "disorders", is keenly overdiagnosed, to
           | create a sociopolitically-mediated norm from which deviance
           | (like "high-functioning" autism) can be classified and, where
           | desired, ostrasized, for the sake of control. it's a classic
           | hammer looking for a nail issue, but with coercion as its
           | central aim. biology is very unlike computers and populations
           | of anything biological will exhibit a fascinating array of
           | variance and an enormous range of biologically valid (but
           | perhaps not sociopolitically valid) "normal".
        
             | larve wrote:
             | The medical field has been moving away from autism as a
             | pathology to a more nuanced understanding of neurodiversity
             | as a multidimensional spectrum. While stigma very much
             | functions as a societal cudgel, a diagnosis can actually be
             | extremely positive and liberating because:
             | 
             | - it gives access to a community of people that share your
             | life's experiences. Seeing how alienating society can be to
             | people on the spectrum, finally finding a peer group is
             | life-changing.
             | 
             | - it allows us to put names on certain things we
             | experience, and communicate those things to the people we
             | interact with. Being able to frame some of my experiences
             | and behaviours has resolved pretty much all the conflicts
             | we used to have in my relationship.
             | 
             | - it deconstructs shame. We are now not just "lazy" or
             | "stupid" or "creepy" or "weird" or "emotionless" or
             | "stunted" or "distracted".
             | 
             | - it frames the fact that autism is a disability mostly as
             | a problem with society not being accomodating to our
             | neurological fabric, not the other way round. It allows us
             | to ask for accomodation in a professional setting, for
             | example
        
               | clairity wrote:
               | you're exactly describing medicalization, where
               | relatively common human variation is pathologized so it
               | can be separated and treated, without asking to what
               | ends?
               | 
               | a diagnosis becomes an excuse for the inconvenience of
               | having to deal with differences among ourselves. it's ok
               | that we have to deal with discomfort and even (some)
               | conflict. that's an essential part of life, otherwise we
               | may as well be robots.
        
             | q-big wrote:
             | > autism, like many "disorders", is keenly overdiagnosed,
             | to create a sociopolitically-mediated norm from which
             | deviance (like "high-functioning" autism) can be classified
             | and, where desired, ostrasized, for the sake of control.
             | it's a classic hammer looking for a nail issue, but with
             | coercion as its central aim.
             | 
             | Relevant quote from The Jargon File
             | (http://catb.org/jargon/html/weaknesses.html):
             | 
             | "Many hackers have noticed that mainstream culture has
             | shown a tendency to pathologize and medicalize normal
             | variations in personality, especially those variations that
             | make life more complicated for authority figures and
             | conformists. Thus, hackers aware of the issue tend to be
             | among those questioning whether ADD and AS actually exist;
             | and if so whether they are really 'diseases' rather than
             | extremes of a normal genetic variation like having freckles
             | or being able to taste DPT. In either case, they have a
             | sneaking tendency to wonder if these syndromes are over-
             | diagnosed and over-treated. After all, people in authority
             | will always be inconvenienced by schoolchildren or workers
             | or citizens who are prickly, intelligent individualists --
             | thus, any social system that depends on authority
             | relationships will tend to helpfully ostracize and
             | therapize and drug such 'abnormal' people until they are
             | properly docile and stupid and 'well-socialized'.
             | 
             | So hackers tend to believe they have good reason for
             | skepticism about clinical explanations of the hacker
             | personality. That being said, most would also concede that
             | some hacker traits coincide with indicators for non-
             | hyperactive ADD and AS -- the status of caffeine as a
             | hacker beverage of choice may be connected to the fact that
             | it bonds to the same neural receptors as Ritalin, the drug
             | most commonly prescribed for ADD. It is probably true that
             | boosters of both would find a rather higher rate of
             | clinical ADD among hackers than the supposedly mainstream-
             | normal 3-5% (AS is rarer at 0.4-0.5%)."
        
               | clairity wrote:
               | the likes of foucault and nietzsche would be better
               | source material than random internet opinion for this
               | sort of thing. this is sociopolitical push-pull between
               | the average and the relative outliers--as old as time,
               | just with different jargon.
        
               | q-big wrote:
               | > the likes of foucault and nietzsche would be better
               | source material than random internet opinion for this
               | sort of thing
               | 
               | This is Hacker News. The Jargon File is a quite famous
               | document of the hacker scene: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/
               | index.php?title=Jargon_File&oldid...
        
               | clairity wrote:
               | i know what it is. it's still random internet opinion
               | rather than academic research.
        
         | zasdffaa wrote:
         | This is familiar to me. I've known people so like this and once
         | an idea gets into their head it would take dynamite to shift.
         | To them it is right at an emotional level and facts will be
         | ignored when presented. It's right, so they bulldoze on getting
         | angrier and more resentful as the facts build up.
         | 
         | I'm starting to finally[1] learn just to give up when I see
         | this as trying to change such minds becomes a self-damaging
         | time sink.
         | 
         | [1] yes, finally. Taken me a long time. Perhaps there's a touch
         | of them in me, I do wonder sometimes.
        
         | bowsamic wrote:
         | I think that NT people are more likely to notice that they are
         | taking it too far and let go of being right in order to
         | maintain a good social atmosphere. I think that autistic people
         | often won't notice when they should concede. On the other hand,
         | in text based discussions both NT and autistic people don't
         | know when to stop. I would suggest the hypothesis that this is
         | because the social information that NT people use so heavily
         | has been lost
        
           | larve wrote:
           | My take on this (as ND):
           | 
           | Why concede if the topic is not a topic of taste? And who
           | should concede to whom? I personally can't tell you that you
           | are right if I think you are wrong. That is lying and
           | disingenuous.
           | 
           | I have learned to just walk away.
        
             | bowsamic wrote:
             | > I have learned to just walk away.
             | 
             | That's what I mean by conceding, just saying "fair enough"
             | and shutting up
        
               | larve wrote:
               | That's not an option in a professional context, usually.
               | If you are coming to me asking for an opinion about a
               | project, say, what is the point of walking away? In those
               | cases I won't let it go, since I'm here to build a
               | product, not play mind games.
        
               | bowsamic wrote:
               | It absolutely is. IMO a big part of being autistic is
               | thinking that it isn't. NT people recognise that you can
               | bullshit or give up in every situation. Autistic people
               | hang on out of "principle"
        
               | bitwize wrote:
               | Wrong. Your job is to play mind games, because that's
               | what keeps you getting paid and puts you ahead in line
               | for raises and promotions.
               | 
               | The mind games are so structured that a product may
               | hopefully emerge from them, but if you want to keep food
               | on the table, never forget what comes first.
               | 
               | If you fail to build a product, the team takes collective
               | responsibility and they can RCA that and design more
               | effective mind games for the future. If you fail to play
               | the games, you will be singled out and fired.
        
               | larve wrote:
               | This is where I walk away. There are work environments
               | where this is not necessary. I would also point out that
               | your whole post illustrates what we have been talking
               | about in this thread. I have a different context. It
               | might not fit your reality, but there are better words to
               | use than "wrong".
        
               | bowsamic wrote:
               | Yeah you may walk away, but exactly what I'm suggesting
               | is that autistic people do, and NT people don't, because
               | the latter are willing to concede, while the former are
               | pearl clutchers
        
               | larve wrote:
               | I don't see what that has to do with pearl clutching. I
               | entirely understand that people are ok "conceding" for
               | political reasons, in order to further their career or
               | "keep the social peace". That is different than admitting
               | that you are wrong (you are not).
               | 
               | I very much prefer to stand by my professional opinion
               | (as in, I am professional about my craft), and not
               | compromise, even if it has career consequences. This is
               | not "wrong", nor "pearl clutching". I just operate in a
               | different context. and am not antagonistic either.
               | 
               | What is however antagonistic and bullying is being so
               | certain that what I care about is "wrong" and "pearl
               | clutching" and dysfunctional. The stated goal of a
               | company is to build a product that generates revenue. At
               | an individual level you might want to play a different
               | game, and make the person you report to look good so you
               | can score your next promotion. I don't really care about
               | scoring my next promotion.
               | 
               | What I care about is building good products, and don't
               | see why I would "concede" and compromise on my skill
               | building said products. Otherwise, where do I draw the
               | line? Do I just concede as soon as someone disagrees with
               | me? After 5 minutes? If it's my manager? If the person is
               | taller than me? If they are louder? If they start calling
               | me a pearl clutcher?
               | 
               | I might do it once or twice, sure. But then I'll walk.
        
               | bowsamic wrote:
               | I'm saying that autistic people are more likely to stand
               | up for their principles to the point of detriment, while
               | NT people are more likely to give in for the sake of
               | maintaining social order
               | 
               | > Otherwise, where do I draw the line? Do I just concede
               | as soon as someone disagrees with me? After 5 minutes? If
               | it's my manager? If the person is taller than me? If they
               | are louder? If they start calling me a pearl clutcher?
               | 
               | I would say that the fact that you do not have an
               | intuitive sense of when to concede is a symptom of autism
               | or at least of not being NT. It is clear to NT people, we
               | generally don't have to rationally handle it directly,
               | it's intuitive
        
               | larve wrote:
               | replying here because of depth, but your latest response
               | is a much more charitable and productive way of stating
               | things, and one I fully agree with.
               | 
               | The problem here is that the default position in society
               | is: "you should just know intuitively what to do, and if
               | you don't, it will be detrimental to you and your
               | career". As you point out, being ND is not being able to
               | intuit what is typical behavior, which means being faced
               | with a catch-22. I can make up rules by which to play the
               | game, but then I am by definition not intuitively
               | handling situations. I have no way of knowing when to
               | deviate from these rules and when not.
               | 
               | If you tell me "our goal is to build a great product",
               | which is what I thoroughly enjoy, yet I am expected to
               | play some nuanced game of kiss up to your manager, then
               | it is no surprise that I am going to at some point call
               | out the bullshit and leave. It is not wrong nor
               | dysfunctional.
               | 
               | As illustrated by some of the responses here, NT people
               | are not very proficient at understanding that people
               | might play by different rules than their own either.
               | Because are the majority, it is expected for ND people to
               | "concede", and not the other way around.
               | 
               | This is where we can all make progress. Part of the more
               | widespread recognition of neurodiversity is that it
               | provides more tools and knowledge for neurodiverse people
               | to work within society, but similarly, provides
               | neurotypical people more tools and knowledge to reduce
               | discrimination and communicate with their fellow humans.
               | 
               | For example, as a manager, being able to gracefully point
               | out that the discussion is not productive, and either
               | tabling it, or learning to listen better, or respectfully
               | pointing out what might be going on and how to better
               | approach such topics, rather than calling people pearl-
               | clutchers, wrong or antagonistic, and ultimately firing
               | them or demoting them. No-one benefits here, except maybe
               | the manager's sense of being right.
               | 
               | While some aspects of being ND are handicapping by
               | themselves (say, sensory sensitivities), operating under
               | different assumptions and models is only so when they
               | lead to discrimination and backlash, instead of
               | acceptance and accomodation. As a ND, I accomodate and
               | mask pretty much 24/7 already.
        
               | bowsamic wrote:
               | I honestly would not expect NT to stop emphasising such
               | things due to the existence of ND people. It reminds me
               | of someone I spoke to who is upset that they were
               | criticised for sounding monotonous when presenting but it
               | was due to their non native English accent. I'm sorry but
               | it isn't realistic to expect that people are going to
               | rewire their entire social framework in order to cater to
               | the social differences of a small minority. If you behave
               | inappropriately people will call it out. That's a tough
               | problem for those who can't distinguish when something is
               | not appropriate
        
         | Consultant32452 wrote:
         | Neurotypical people are often lying to you when they pretend to
         | acknowledge they were wrong. Autistic people are less likely to
         | follow the social ritual of being polite to your face before
         | going back to doing things the way they were before.
         | 
         | Also, the autistic mind does not handle change very well. So
         | it's usually not an ego thing about being wrong like a
         | neurotypical person, it's a panic attack inducing psychological
         | response to the world not working according to the mental
         | model.
        
         | tristor wrote:
         | I can't speak for everybody, but I have high functioning
         | autism, and according to others I have difficulty admitting
         | when I'm wrong. I actually believe the opposite and think that
         | I'm very good (better than average) at admitting when I'm wrong
         | and I actively seek out additional information to form a better
         | understanding of the world around me. If I truly do believe
         | that I am correct, I am more than willing to engage in a
         | protracted conversation/argument until I fully understand why
         | the other person believes me to be incorrect, and I am happy to
         | accept additional evidence contrary to my viewpoint as long as
         | it is evidence and not merely anecdotal or personal opinion.
         | 
         | At least for me, the main issue I have is that many people I
         | interact with use "gotchas" to try to "prove" that I'm wrong in
         | conversations/arguments, which eliminate significant amounts of
         | context, nuance, or stretch the bounds of reality.
         | Alternatively, many situations involve people, and people don't
         | act rationally, so a model which assumes rational actors will
         | often be violated by the behavior of others in practice, which
         | doesn't necessarily mean that the model is wrong or the
         | expected behavior wouldn't have been more optimal, it's simply
         | not what the person chose to do.
         | 
         | When there is sufficient evidence based in reality that my
         | model or my understanding is incorrect, I freely admit to it
         | and work to get even more information so I can update my model
         | of the world and improve my understanding. I am rarely
         | incorrect, because I am nearly obsessive about learning more
         | and more information about the world around me. Sometimes when
         | I am legitimately wrong, it is because I have forgotten a
         | detail and when corrected admit to this, but it is
         | unsatisfactory for the other person because they are expecting
         | me to completely change my entire world view rather than simply
         | saying "You're right, I forgot about that, but did know that,
         | so yes ... X".
        
           | numpad0 wrote:
           | Sometimes an autistic man seems to pick fight in an
           | overspecified context or over topics that seems to yield no
           | benefit to him. That incentivize adversaries to shut down the
           | conversations and those seems to be some of places where
           | "There, gotcha!" could happen.
           | 
           | Autism is overrated too, and everyone(including themselves)
           | has preconception that autistics are always logical and
           | intelligent. That could lead into a tunnel vision that their
           | words spoken by them are explicitly chosen unaffected by
           | anger or frustration, and sometimes that could lead to silly
           | situations as well.
        
           | mistermann wrote:
           | This sounds like something I'd write, this same thing
           | frustrates me endlessly about people.
        
           | dirtybirdnj wrote:
           | This is awesome and underscores something I've had to repeat
           | a lot recently:
           | 
           | Theory of mind is a two way street. The assumption that
           | "you're wrong because I don't get what you're saying" is
           | always predicated on peoples assumption that the thoughts
           | they are experiencing are factually correct. The idea that
           | you (the autist) might know something they don't is seen as
           | offensive and disrespectful... when in reality the autist
           | just spent a lot of time studying something and actually is
           | factually correct.
           | 
           | It's stunning, dehumanizing and depressing how many times
           | I've had people wield a social cudgel against me because they
           | didn't like the facts I presented. It's infuriating to be
           | mocked as a "know it all" when you are educated and
           | knowledgeable on a subject and incompetent people are dead
           | set on proving you wrong and shaming you for your
           | disobedience.
        
             | numpad0 wrote:
             | I think "they" just don't care, or they working in an
             | operating regime where facts or engineering principles
             | don't necessarily matter. Workplace politics has much
             | stronger influence over their decisions and action because
             | it has direct impact to salary and/or promotion which is
             | the whole entirety of their motives at work.
             | 
             | Maybe it could also indicate that you are wrongfully mixed
             | into normies with level of intelligence that matches your
             | social skill levels, not overall or technical levels?
        
             | jgilias wrote:
             | One example of right/wrong I was talking about was
             | appropriateness of using a particular English phrase in
             | business communication. The person criticised someone for
             | using it when the usage was completely in line with the
             | dictionary, but conflicted with their understanding of the
             | direct implied meaning of the phrase.
             | 
             | Like... It's in a freaking dictionary.
             | 
             | (All L2 English speakers)
        
               | kayodelycaon wrote:
               | > It's in a freaking dictionary.
               | 
               | It is, but you're appealing an authority that isn't seen
               | as authoritative.
               | 
               | Dictionaries are factual and lack the social context that
               | can completely change the meaning of the word. Business
               | communication has its own jargon that can often be
               | nuanced and sometimes indirect.
               | 
               | For example:
               | 
               | "Forecast" is an expected due date that may change due to
               | circumstances.
               | 
               | "Estimate" is how long something will take, regardless of
               | circumstances.
               | 
               | When possible, you want to use the word forecast for
               | longer-term projects (especially one spanning multiple
               | quarters) and but use estimate for shorter term projects.
               | 
               | Effective communication is a pain in the ass.
        
               | jsmith45 wrote:
               | Depending on the word, there may be very good reason to
               | push back. For example, many people do push back against
               | the definition of the word "literally" that means
               | "figuratively" (e.g. Stoner: "I'm so high right now I'm
               | literally in space."), because if that definition becomes
               | common enough it impedes communication where the word
               | literally is intended to be literal.
               | 
               | I'm not sure what word your are referencing, and if there
               | is any good reason for such pushback in this
               | circumstance.
        
             | tristor wrote:
             | > It's stunning, dehumanizing and depressing how many times
             | I've had people wield a social cudgel against me because
             | they didn't like the facts I presented. It's infuriating to
             | be mocked as a "know it all" when you are educated and
             | knowledgeable on a subject and incompetent people are dead
             | set on proving you wrong and shaming you for your
             | disobedience.
             | 
             | This is huge reason why I actively try to seek out teams
             | and organizations where I am surrounded by people who are
             | more knowledgeable, more competent, or just outright
             | smarter than I am. I hate being the "smartest person in the
             | room", because mostly it ends up being a series of futile
             | efforts followed by watching predictable negative outcomes
             | without any control to fix it. Because I seek out these
             | situations, I'm highly practiced at admitting I'm wrong or
             | seeking understanding by learning from others, despite the
             | impression some people have of me that I am unwilling to
             | admit it when I am wrong.
             | 
             | Contrary to what many people likely believe about me after
             | meeting me, I take no joy whatsoever in being "smart", I
             | just want to know enough to constantly be improving myself
             | and the world around me, and that happens to require a
             | large amount of knowledge to have any meaningful chance of
             | correctness. If we're not moving the world forward as a
             | species to better things in the future compared to now,
             | what even is the point of being alive? We're only special
             | in some ways as compared to other animals, but our basic
             | reason for living is the same, to carry on, to procreate,
             | and to ultimately continually improve.
        
               | aaaronic wrote:
               | This 100% aligns with my own experience and reasons for
               | switching teams in the past.
        
         | giraffe_lady wrote:
         | Probably just a coincidence or, just guessing based on where we
         | are, a byproduct of most of the autists you know being software
         | developers.
         | 
         | Personally when I find out I'm wrong about something it's a
         | relief. Usually when my understanding of something doesn't line
         | up with everyone else's, the cause is much more complex and
         | disturbing. Me just misunderstanding is the most benign
         | possibility and one I am happy to accept.
        
         | larve wrote:
         | It's hard to give concrete insights into the people you
         | encountered, but the fact that you say that " _all_ autistic
         | people you 've known" don't admit they're wrong gives me pause.
         | What did "wrong" mean in this context? What does "denying
         | reality" mean? Did you maybe realize that you think those were
         | _all_ the autistic people you encountered because you define
         | autism as not being able to admit you are wrong? Not only do a
         | lot of autistic people not know autism explains how they feel,
         | but most of us pass so well you will never know we might be on
         | the spectrum. It 's not something people broadcast loudly.
         | 
         | I often get told by a certain class of people that I can't
         | accept when I am wrong. I feel personally that I am one of the
         | extremely open-minded, constantly learning, seeking out new
         | answers, curious. I love listening to end-users and distilling
         | their way of thinking about their domain to make left-field
         | technical changes, for example. Here are some of the
         | explanations I could come up why "all the highly functioning
         | people you have met in your life don't seem to be able to
         | acknowledge that they are wrong":
         | 
         | A simple reason:
         | 
         | - I am actually right, and you can't recognize it, either
         | because you don't hear me out, or you assume that I am wrong
         | from the start, or you just don't understand the model I am
         | operating under. "Denying reality" is just shortcode for
         | "operating outside of/denying my model of reality".
         | 
         | Concrete example, very close to situations I've had in real
         | life:
         | 
         | You are my manager at an ecommerce company. You might think the
         | checkout on our website is bad, and needs to be rewritten. I
         | know we don't even have any analytics set up, so will question
         | why you think the ecommerce page is broken.
         | 
         | If you can't come up with a satisfying answer (I would often
         | get something like "I read an article about how they use react
         | at airbnb, we should do that too"), then I will not back down
         | from me questioning the purpose of the change.
         | 
         | I understand you think that, as a business savvyy person, you
         | are keeping track of what the industry is doing, and that's
         | indeed valuable.
         | 
         | But you have to trust me that
         | 
         | - a) the technology used has nothing to do with what the user
         | perceives. This is absolutely obvious to me, but you might just
         | have realized that there is such a thing called web frameworks,
         | and that they are a big deal, and that people can be very
         | opinionated and forceful about them. It's going to take me a
         | while to explain it plays no role whatsoever for the end-user.
         | 
         | - b) we need analytics to understand if checkout indeed needs
         | an overhaul. Analytics are not easy, data lies very easily,
         | data needs work. The statistics are not easy, the causality of
         | things is not easy, it is going to be hard to get a good
         | signal.
         | 
         | - c) our current stack, team, software, technical debt, feature
         | prioritization is the thing determining the technology choice.
         | Many things come into play here, and each of them can be
         | incredibly subtle (maybe it's hard to incorporate react because
         | our SSR framework works entirely differently, etc...). It's
         | going to take me a while to explain why certain tech choices
         | might be good, might be bad.
         | 
         | - When I'm wrong / don't know enough, I will just keep quiet
         | and learn and figure things out on my own. You will just never
         | realize it, and thus think that I "never" admit I am wrong,
         | when in fact, I do so almost daily. Understanding that people
         | think very differently, that I shouldn't bring it up, that I
         | need to adapt to the 95% of normal people out there, _is_ what
         | makes me highly functioning.
         | 
         | - You don't understand how I communicate. You think I might
         | just argue about something you know is wrong, when I am
         | actually asking questions and trying to understand what you are
         | saying. I can't have a conversation if I don't understand what
         | you are asking for in the first place, and you might not be
         | used to the level of rigor I require to state an actual
         | opinion. This turns into a circular dialogue where I will ask
         | questions, you will think I question your premise and reject
         | the question outright. I will either get frustrated (see next
         | point), or usually just stop early, because I don't see the
         | point, and have been in situations such as these countless time
         | in the past.
         | 
         | - I will only forcefully argue about something only if I deeply
         | care and have put in the countless (thousands! tens of
         | thousands!) of hours to learn more about the topic. Many people
         | don't realize how absolutely obsessively I will research and
         | learn things, nor how good I have gotten at learning things.
         | 
         | Spending 14h a day learning about things and trying things and
         | writing and designing and building really adds up. I don't
         | really have hobbies or friends or chill out days or spend much
         | time with family. Instead, I have known I wanted to be a
         | programmer since I was 6. In the 35 years since, I have been
         | away from my computer once for 7days, and never not had a
         | programming book in my backpack. I enjoy computers and
         | programming and software and anything related to it to a level
         | that is I think completely alien to more neurotypical people.
         | 
         | While people think individuals might maybe have one area of
         | expertise, because they studied it and maybe held a job in that
         | area for 15 years, adding up to say 20k hours of practice, a
         | lot of it probably quite distracted / uninterested. I might
         | have maybe accumulated 100k hours in the same 20 year span, a
         | lot of it in obsessive single-minded pursuit. Probably only my
         | wife knows what that looks like.
         | 
         | - Because I care so deeply about these topics, there is indeed
         | a tendency to overcommunicate / not realize that I need to
         | police my speech and boil things down to a more "human" level.
         | I also spend most of my time in the areas of the internet where
         | people are similarly obsessive about a single topic, and
         | communicating this way is actually my normal. You might not
         | realize it because I have gotten so good at masking it.
        
           | mistermann wrote:
           | I'm curious if you've ever put substantial thought into how
           | human relations on planet Earth could be improved? To me,
           | this is the sort of thinking that seems almost entirely
           | absent among those who organize affairs - to me, it seems
           | like people _aren 't even trying_ to make things better (on a
           | more absolute scale, not the relative scale that people tend
           | to use).
        
             | larve wrote:
             | I think this might be a compliment? If so, thank you :)
             | 
             | I have given it some thought in as far that the best I can
             | do is get better at thinking and writing, so that I can
             | publish my thoughts and insights on my blog. If reading
             | them resonates with a few people, and helps them lead a
             | better life, I will have achieved something meaningful. (I
             | just linked my writing outlets in my profile). I also hope
             | that openly writing about neurodiversity and mental illness
             | will help deconstruct stigma, and I don't mind enduring
             | whatever consequences this might have on my career.
             | 
             | I don't think improving relations between humans is
             | something I'd be good at at all, nor does it really
             | interest me. However, the topic of doing good is becoming
             | increasingly relevant to me as I just turned 40, and I am
             | discovering that systems thinking deeply resonates with me.
             | I will try to pivot into agritech or another climate change
             | related topic soon.
             | 
             | On a more prosaic level, hopefully I will become confident
             | enough in my writing to try to distill what I learned about
             | programming in the near future, and this might help people
             | make a clearer point in technical debates here and there :)
        
           | tristor wrote:
           | Wow, this response really resonated with me. Especially your
           | last point.
           | 
           | > Because I care so deeply about these topics, there is
           | indeed a tendency to overcommunicate / not realize that I
           | need to police my speech and boil things down to a more
           | "human" level. I also spend most of my time in the areas of
           | the internet where people are similarly obsessive about a
           | single topic, and communicating this way is actually my
           | normal.
           | 
           | The other critical feedback I receive from people relatively
           | often is that I "talk too much" and that I "never answer
           | their question" because I grew up, for the most part, on the
           | Internet in circles of people who are highly engaged and
           | educated. In most cases my communication is focused on
           | establishing context first, and then making a statement,
           | assertion, or answer. A lot of people tend towards just
           | skipping the context, which I think is sometimes reasonable
           | if you can assume context is shared, but my experience in
           | work/business is that /most/ miscommunication is due to lack
           | of shared context. I often get interrupted when answering
           | someone's question, where they came to me /specifically/
           | because I'm an expert on the topic, because they think I'm
           | not answering their question, where from my perspective to be
           | able to truly answer their question I first need to establish
           | shared context, and teach them a deeper level of
           | understanding of the topic so they can even understand my
           | eventual answer.
           | 
           | What's interesting is I am now in a role not as an engineer,
           | but as a product manager, in part because I've gotten very
           | good at distilling complex topics down to be understandable
           | to others and teaching other people (I also guest lecture,
           | give conference talks, and do internal classes at companies I
           | work at), and most of my life has been focused on reading and
           | writing, so I am very good at writing, which at least in
           | business matters as much or maybe more than talking. So,
           | obviously I've adapted in some way that's successful to
           | perform my job function successfully, but I still face these
           | challenges primarily in personal relationships. It's not
           | really clear to me that my methodology is inferior to the
           | alternative, and I mostly think that other people simply lack
           | any reasonable attention span because of the current
           | situation with social media / our distraction economy. If
           | someone wants to learn something from an expert, they should
           | be prepared to listen to the answer, but I have friends
           | who've told me this is arrogance on my part to believe this
           | way. I see it as a two-way street though, and despite
           | preferring reading to listening/watching, I've spent hours
           | listening to experts when they've been willing to give me
           | their time.
        
           | jgilias wrote:
           | Thank you for the very valuable in-depth insight!
           | 
           | What I had in mind was actual, demonstratable instances of
           | being wrong. Such as assuming a parameter in a function of a
           | library works a certain way based on how it's named, and what
           | _should_ be the _correct_ way such a parameter should work
           | leading to a subtle bug that I then helped to debug. And then
           | the uphill battle being trying to convince the person to try
           | to use the parameter the way its documented, going against
           | their understanding of how it _should_ work.
        
             | tristor wrote:
             | That's an interesting example. I think one thing to keep in
             | mind is that meta-disagreements and disagreements are not
             | the same thing, although they may appear the same. Are you
             | certain this person is saying the function doesn't work the
             | way the documentation says? Or, are they rather being
             | forceful in arguing that the bug is in the function, not in
             | their code, because it behaves in a way they see as being
             | wrong? Those are two different disagreements, but my appear
             | to be the same to outside observers.
             | 
             | Obviously neither myself nor the parent you were replying
             | to are the person you had the disagreement with, so we
             | cannot tell you what was in their mind.
        
         | svnt wrote:
         | There are at least a few possibilities here I think:
         | 
         | 1) They weren't actually wrong, but you didn't understand their
         | context
         | 
         | 2) They experienced discomfort with an incursion into their
         | worldview, and you didn't compellingly convince them they were
         | wrong, so why bother to switch
         | 
         | 3) Along with autism seems to come a predisposition to
         | narcissism as individual understanding frequently outstrips
         | peers, and an under engagement with social skills mean they
         | don't get as much from those interactions
         | 
         | In my experience the denial is usually temporary unless they
         | are malignantly narcissistic.
        
       | pyentropy wrote:
       | Scott Alexander has a cool theory that unifies Bayesian
       | inference, low-level behaviour like neurotransmitter levels and
       | high-level behaviour like learning, making decisions and
       | different sensory phenomena (some of the posts explain autism and
       | schizophrenia):
       | 
       | * https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/09/05/book-review-surfing-un...
       | 
       | * https://slatestarcodex.com/2016/09/12/its-bayes-all-the-way-...
       | 
       | * https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/towards-a-bayesian-the...
       | 
       | * https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/trapped-priors-as-a-ba...
       | 
       | The core concept is called predictive coding, which suggests that
       | the brain is constantly generating and updating a model of the
       | world in a top-down and bottom-up manner:
       | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictive_coding
       | 
       | Disclaimer: epistemic status = very speculative.
        
       | ainar-g wrote:
       | The reframing of executive dysfunction as a kind of mental
       | inertia is interesting and consistent with my personal experience
       | with the phenomenon. They say that the beginning is the hardest
       | part, but it has always been almost unbearably hard for me. On
       | the other hand, once I start doing the thing I wanted-but-
       | wouldn't, I usually go on with it for quite some time.
       | 
       | This also reminded me of the article[1] about the "Bayesian
       | interpretation" of Autism and several others mental conditions.
       | I'm not sure how much rigorous study there is behind such
       | theories, but they do provide an interesting framework to think
       | about these conditions.
       | 
       | [1]: https://slatestarcodex.com/2016/09/12/its-bayes-all-the-
       | way-...
        
         | bitwize wrote:
         | I think of it as "the flywheel". It takes a lot of energy to
         | spin up, but once it's spinning it tends to stay spinning with
         | minimal energy upkeep -- and be extremely resistant to changes
         | in orientation. A flywheel-mind can keep going in the same
         | direction near indefinitely, but to change its direction you
         | need to brake it first; that results in friction, heat, and
         | wear, not to mention the energy cost of spinning it up again.
        
       | kokanator wrote:
       | Don't play poker with an autist.
       | 
       | I have two autist adult children. Both with amazing super powers.
       | 
       | In my house their abilities were always discussed and viewed as
       | super powers. They are both capable of things others could only
       | imagine. Focus, recall, logical reasoning are all on a level
       | above most. Not to mention the ability to count cards.
       | 
       | The Monotropism theory speaks more completely to my experiences
       | raising both of them.
       | 
       | > Recognise what someone's passionate about and learn how to
       | become part of the attention tunnels which come with monotropic
       | focus, rather than trying to just reach in and pull the person
       | out of the flow states that are so important to us.
       | 
       | This I believe is the most important statement in the entire
       | article. Yes, providing tools to navigate the neuro world they
       | live in is important. However, to shunt or not understand their
       | ability is to loose sight of the outrageous things they are
       | capable of. Helping each of my children to learn their strengths
       | and the power of their ability to use flow states has made a
       | world of difference.
       | 
       | Additionally, girls tend to be not be recognized as autist as
       | early as boys. They are much better at masking. However, the
       | Monotropism theory much better aligns with girls than other
       | theories.
        
         | glial wrote:
         | > Helping each of my children to learn their strengths and the
         | power of their ability...has made a world of difference.
         | 
         | Thanks for sharing your experience. This is important advice
         | for any parent, educator, or mentor.
        
       | superb-owl wrote:
       | I'm increasingly intrigued by the idea of autism as one end of a
       | spectrum of cognition strategies, with schizophrenia at the other
       | end. Scott Alexander has a lot to say about this:
       | 
       | https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/12/11/diametrical-model-of-a...
       | 
       | https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/blindness-schizophreni...
       | 
       | https://slatestarcodex.com/2016/09/12/its-bayes-all-the-way-...
       | 
       | tl;dr:
       | 
       | Autistic folks have really tight confidence intervals on their
       | priors. In these circumstances, sensory data that deviates
       | slightly from expectation becomes very grating (noise and touch
       | sensitivity) and sensory data that conforms to expectation is
       | exceptionally rewarding (hence stimming and deep topical
       | science-y interests).
       | 
       | Schizophrenic folks have really broad confidence intervals on
       | their priors. In these circumstances, sensory data that deviates
       | from expectation is interpreted as meaningful rather than noise
       | (hence hallucinations and psychotic jumps to conclusions), but
       | they'll tend to do better on tasks that require relaxed priors
       | (e.g. the concave/convex face)
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | svnt wrote:
         | Personally I see this as indicating it is dominated by learning
         | method.
         | 
         | The autism end is highly skilled individual learning, either
         | intrinsically or because of social deprivation during
         | development. This does not mean they can't learn socially, but
         | that social learning is a net loss for them and they become a
         | commons (in the tragedy of the commons sense)
         | 
         | The schizophrenia end is predominantly social learning, where
         | either individual learning skill is not as high, leading to bad
         | outcomes and seeking confirmation, or early social opportunity
         | is atypically high, leading to a bias for social interaction.
         | 
         | This can be either based on skills/ability or more simply on
         | differing intensity of affect as experienced in different
         | settings.
        
         | 0olong wrote:
         | The existence of autistic schizophrenic people seems like a
         | problem for the hypothesis that they're opposite ends of a
         | continuum though?
        
         | agnos wrote:
         | Came here to link SSC as well. I find the predictive coding
         | theory to be a pretty compelling model of cognitive
         | function/dysfunction.
         | 
         | There seems to be another related but separate dimension to the
         | spectrum. I remember an analogy of borderline personality
         | disorder being the female version of autism mentioned somewhere
         | on SSC as well, which is interesting. The disorders seem to
         | share some sort of failure in integration between top-down
         | priors and bottom up sensory information, but with a different
         | focus. Borderline personality disorder seems like a difficulty
         | in integrating more extrinsic, social concepts like self-
         | identity and models of other people. It makes me think there's
         | something fundamentally different between introverted and
         | extraverted cognitive strategies.
        
         | giraffe_lady wrote:
         | Just don't ask too many questions about what _else_ he believes
         | about the range of human cognition, or what we should be doing
         | about it!
        
           | superb-owl wrote:
           | Tell me about it.
           | 
           | He's a smart dude and I can't help but appreciate his work.
           | But his defense of racialism is getting harder and harder for
           | me to ignore.
        
             | adolph wrote:
             | > his defense of racialism
             | 
             | ??
        
               | superb-owl wrote:
               | I'd suggest reading the NY Times article on him [1], as
               | well as his rebuttal [2]
               | 
               | I don't think the Times was entirely fair in their
               | coverage. But as a long time SSC/ACX reader I've often
               | felt a subtext of racialist beliefs lurking in the
               | corner. He never comes right out and _says_ it, but e.g.
               | praising Charles Murray is more than a dog whistle.
               | 
               | To be clear - I'm distinguishing racialism (which
               | believes there are large, measurable, genetic differences
               | in traits like intelligence and aggression between races)
               | and racism (which carries an extra connotation of
               | emotional hatred). I think of racialism as racism
               | masquerading as objective science.
               | 
               | [1] https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/13/technology/slate-
               | star-cod...
               | 
               | [2] https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/statement-on-
               | new-york-...
        
               | adolph wrote:
               | Was that the one that doxxed him?
               | 
               | [Edit:] Yes, yes it was the smear that doxed him and
               | misrepresented his writings in an egregious manner. I had
               | forgotten about that incident, but F the NYT and anyone
               | repeating Cade Metz' lies.
               | 
               |  _In early 2020, I learned the New York Times wanted to
               | write an article about me. They had discovered my real
               | name and wanted to reveal it to the world._
        
               | mistermann wrote:
               | Do you _strongly_ distinguish between race and culture?
        
               | superb-owl wrote:
               | I'm not entirely sure I understand the question...
               | 
               | But yes - in my set of definitions, race is
               | genetic/hardware, and culture is environmental/software.
               | 
               | Obviously the two correlate pretty heavily - i.e. racial
               | groups tend to form subcultures.
        
         | wrnr wrote:
         | It might have some explaining power but I can think of counter
         | examples from my own personal life. Schizophrenia just like
         | autism a very defuse category that covers many non overlapping
         | conditions.
         | 
         | I think this silly joke by jreg about Schizotism/Autizmophrenia
         | explains it best:
         | 
         | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHuFSnhKG9I
        
       | TeeMassive wrote:
       | I really liked this paper: 'An aberrant precision account of
       | autism':
       | https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.0030...
       | 
       | I never was formally diagnosed with autism but the signs are
       | obvious as it was also noticed by family and friends. The paper
       | is academic and not vulgarized for the general public but if you
       | take the time it is really worth it, specially the part about
       | perception.
        
         | munificent wrote:
         | I have autistic people in my family, and that paper resonates
         | with my experiences with them in a way that no other
         | description of autism ever has.
        
       | one-more-minute wrote:
       | Monotropism is compelling for all the reasons the author gives,
       | but it isn't without any loose ends. For example, stimming is a
       | characteristic feature of autism; the authors of the original
       | paper briefly describe it as a focus on activity, but people
       | often fidget to help them focus on something else (eg reading or
       | listening), so it's unclear how that fits with the theory. The
       | same goes for other common experiences like meltdowns, shutdowns
       | and autistic burnout, as well as the higher incidence of
       | alexithymia, queerness, and issues of anxiety and depression,
       | which aren't obviously related to narrow focus.
       | 
       | Very possibly the "autistic"/"allistic" labels refer to a mix of
       | different underlying cognitive variables, monotropism being just
       | one. Either way, the theory seems an important step forward.
        
         | silvestrov wrote:
         | I think stimming is a bit like listening to music while coding:
         | When you've heard the song a thousand times before it does not
         | take much brain power to listen to it again and it provides an
         | emotional safety by shutting out unwanted external stimuli.
         | 
         | Stimming is doing well known things that doesn't take much
         | attention but also provides emotional safe feeling.
        
       | 63 wrote:
       | The theory is wonderful in its simplicity and I can see how
       | that's appealing, but it doesn't feel correct to me. I don't
       | think neurotypical people are really paying attention to
       | everything they need to when talking to people and I (an autistic
       | person) am just unable to. I also don't see how the theory
       | addresses my state when I'm in between interests. As of now
       | there's no overwhelming interest that consumes all my thoughts
       | yet I still experience autism. This is an interesting model and I
       | do appreciate the reframing from dysfunction to functioning
       | differently, but I don't think it's a complete picture and I
       | think it's especially bad at communicating how it feels to be
       | autistic.
        
         | 0olong wrote:
         | For clarity, anything that pulls in your attention at any given
         | time is an interest that's currently aroused.
         | 
         | It's not always overwhelming! I just think that whatever it is
         | typically consumes more of a monotropic person's processing
         | resources than for the average brain.
        
         | tgv wrote:
         | That's because it falls in the trap of trying to explain a
         | rather large set of vague symptoms (not causes, mind you) which
         | has been put under the label 'autism' with one single factor,
         | which is not even properly defined. But hey, it has a fancy new
         | word!
        
           | kayodelycaon wrote:
           | This also happens with ADHD. There are 3 "types" but last I
           | checked, I think there were believed to be 6 distinct
           | disorders or underlying problems under those labels. You
           | could have one or more of them.
           | 
           | Psychology has come a long way in the last few decades but it
           | still has a long way to go.
        
       | callesgg wrote:
       | I think dysfunctional theory of mind(mentalizing) explains allot
       | more on a more general plane than monotropism does when it comes
       | to the autistic mind.
       | 
       | That said one might make the leap that poor mentalization is a
       | effect caused by monotropism as the article seams to imply. It's
       | a chicken and egg problem.
       | 
       | I personally tend to think that poor mentalization ability leads
       | to problems when it comes to subconscious guiding of attention.
        
         | giraffe_lady wrote:
         | I'm autistic and I feel like I have pretty good theory of mind.
         | I may have been somewhat late in developing its sophistication
         | as a child but certainly not to the point where anyone ever
         | flagged me as dysfunctional in that way. As an adult I struggle
         | with overly empathizing with other people, getting too involved
         | in what I imagine their thoughts and experiences and
         | motivations to be. I have complex models for all the
         | individuals I interact with and have no particular problems
         | developing them for new people.
         | 
         | I'm not particularly educated on this subject at all, but
         | monotropism certainly describes the _experience_ of living in
         | my mind. Other people aren 't a mystery to me, nor am I or my
         | motivations a mystery to myself. I struggle against being
         | overwhelmed by certain experiences, emotions, stimulus and
         | changes, but not in understanding them.
         | 
         | I may not be representative here and I'm not saying I am, or
         | that my experiences are a refutation of either theory. But a
         | lot of what the article says rang true for me and nothing you
         | propose has.
        
           | callesgg wrote:
           | That is commonly what people with high functioning autism
           | says in response to that hypothesis. My assumption is that
           | when you develop good enough of a theory of mind later in
           | life. You are in a situation where you can see how bad you
           | where before and how much better you became after. So you
           | think you are now good at it.
           | 
           | It's like a dunning Kruger effect.
           | 
           | It is also important to note that good does not necessarily
           | mean correct or accurate (even if that certainly can be a
           | part of it)it means useful for guiding proper behavior.
           | 
           | With that said, the hypothesis is not that bad mentalization
           | abilities is equal to autism. It is that bad mentalization
           | causes you to adopt/learn unconscious behavioral patterns and
           | those patterns are what we classify as autism. This means
           | that even when you "fix" the bad mentalization ability. The
           | person still has all of those behavioral patterns ingrained
           | in them.
        
             | giraffe_lady wrote:
             | Ok lol I'm not sure how "autistic people always say that
             | tho" is a useful counter to my description of my
             | experiences. You can't really get an insight into other
             | people's mind, so it's impossible for either of us to say
             | how our theory of mind stacks up against anyone else's.
             | 
             | Mine is generally useful for acting with care and grace
             | towards other people, which is how I want to act as much as
             | possible. I don't know if that's Proper Behavior, a term I
             | feel like you should be willing to define if you're going
             | to use.
             | 
             | And mostly unrelated but I explicitly reject the label of
             | high functioning for myself, and the model that groups
             | autistic people into high and low functioning. I can't
             | exist in the contemporary world and meet my obligations
             | without my supports. Autism is fully disabling for me
             | without accommodations that I am by no means guaranteed. In
             | this I have more in common with your "low functioning"
             | autists than I do with most people in this forum, and I
             | don't accept this language that distances me from them.
        
               | callesgg wrote:
               | It was not a counter argument, we are not having an
               | argument. It was just an observation. Also you are mis
               | quoting me I did not say "always".
               | 
               | I am not here to tell you who you are or how you are
               | like. I am here explaining a hypothesis.
               | 
               | Labels are what they are. Some are useful some are not,
               | some are emotionally coupled some are not.
               | 
               | If you look at what a person does you can make
               | hypothesis's about what is in their mind. It is what the
               | field of psychology is all about.
               | 
               | Proper behavior, like not being mean, answering people
               | when they talk to you, not bashing your head in to walls
               | when you are upset and so on.
        
               | chownie wrote:
               | You fell awfully quickly into deriding autistic people
               | with a negative stereotype for someone who's not here to
               | argue.
        
               | callesgg wrote:
               | Not my intent, there was a question about what does and
               | what does not constitute proper behavior.
               | 
               | I gave a description that clarified that to a certain
               | extent. The description is just a description, an answer
               | to a question.
        
               | giraffe_lady wrote:
               | Your answer really wasn't that neutral, unfortunately.
               | For example both autistic and non-autistic people are
               | capable of meanness, it doesn't really indicate anything
               | either way. In fact neurotypical society is tolerant of
               | cruelty to a degree that causes me an incredible amount
               | of pain and distress.
               | 
               | And what are we even to infer from "and so on." Basically
               | that "proper behavior" is what non-autistic people do,
               | and that when we deviate from that it is inherently
               | disruptive and improper. Which, we know that, a big part
               | of our lives are spent managing the consequences imposed
               | on us for not acting in the ways other people expect or
               | demand.
               | 
               | It didn't clarify much for me except your ignorance or
               | lack of depth of introspection on this subject, which is
               | why I didn't engage with it further. But this "oh shucks
               | I was just answering the question" response is also bad
               | so here we are. I can't read your intent but I certainly
               | received that response as a dismissive stereotype. If you
               | didn't want it read that way you should rephrase it next
               | time this comes up.
        
               | callesgg wrote:
               | "and so on" was meant too mean "and other stereotypical
               | autistic behaviours".
               | 
               | It seams a key difference between us here is that you
               | think stereotypes are dismissive. I just think of them as
               | things that are more common statistically on average in
               | the group of people vs in some other group of other
               | people.
        
               | kayodelycaon wrote:
               | > You can't really get an insight into other people's
               | mind, so it's impossible for either of us to say how our
               | theory of mind stacks up against anyone else's.
               | 
               | The idea of finding a way to test our various theories of
               | mind is both amusing and fascinating. There should be a
               | way to do scientific tests. :D
        
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