[HN Gopher] A few things to know before stealing my 914
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       A few things to know before stealing my 914
        
       Author : garrepi
       Score  : 1440 points
       Date   : 2022-04-01 14:40 UTC (1 days ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.hagerty.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.hagerty.com)
        
       | browningstreet wrote:
       | This reminds me of the best writing from Car and Driver magazine.
       | They still do things like this and their annual Top 10 is rich in
       | droll, hilarious car writing.
        
       | bbarn wrote:
       | Wow, I could write almost the same article about my '85 Westfalia
       | Vanagon.
        
         | ehnto wrote:
         | There's a sweet spot, around the 90s, where the cars are still
         | running fine, and are not yet too complex to steal with a
         | pocket knife.
        
         | kragen wrote:
         | I was thinking exactly the same thing, except
         | 
         | 1 it was '83, not '85 (and thus air-cooled);
         | 
         | 2 it was an aftermarket camper van conversion with some slight
         | design issues in the pop top, not a Westfalia;
         | 
         | 3 after I rebuilt the engine a second time we sold it, so,
         | blessedly, it's not mine anymore. My engine rebuild survived
         | for a couple of years until the new owner drove it in second
         | gear for an hour at highway speeds, overheating the engine to
         | the point where it punched a pushrod through the crankcase.
        
           | dilap wrote:
           | re 3, on...purpose?
        
             | kragen wrote:
             | I don't think he destroyed the engine on purpose, if that's
             | what you meant. I did sell it on purpose though. I rebuilt
             | the engine on purpose too, because without a working engine
             | the market value of the van was scrap metal.
        
           | bombcar wrote:
           | r25
           | 
           | |-|-|
           | 
           | 134
           | 
           | Huh HN lets me approximate the shift pattern of a deuce.5
        
         | scarecrowbob wrote:
         | Came to write the same comment, except mine was a '68.
        
       | duxup wrote:
       | This remind me of how amazingly complex a modern car is in terms
       | of making it easy to drive and how may iterations / how much
       | evolution has taken place.
        
         | ehnto wrote:
         | A friend of mine tweaked a sensor on his car and it wouldn't
         | recalibrate, which disabled all of the electronic assists. It
         | drives like a shopping cart now.
        
       | dclowd9901 wrote:
       | Beautiful treatise of the wretched joys of owning and driving an
       | old car. What I love is how all of these foibles become second
       | nature to the ownership. This is what car people call
       | "character", much the same way you might realize you need to warn
       | one friend before you introduce them to another.
       | 
       | Though it's usually my goal to chase all manner of unreliability
       | out of a car I own (I confess, I absolutely love just getting in
       | a car and driving, no fuss, no muss), there is a pang of sadness
       | that comes with knowing I've made it that much more reliable, and
       | frankly, boring.
        
       | emsy wrote:
       | I love seeing old timers on the street. The ones that get
       | preserved are usually so much more aesthetic than contemporary
       | cars.
        
         | frosted-flakes wrote:
         | The old cars have better or worse aesthetics? Something can't
         | have "more" aesthetics, it's not quantifiable. That's like
         | saying something has more temperature, instead of a higher or
         | lower temperature.
        
       | bsenftner wrote:
       | I lived for over 20 years a half mile from the Bob's Big Boy
       | restaurant with car service in Burbank, CA, where the S.
       | California Classic Car Club has their weekly meet up and show
       | case. Every single friday night, a dream series of amazing autos
       | and the fanatics that keep them running show up and bait everyone
       | with their jewels. My dad was a car dealer and I grew up with him
       | restoring classics, so I know the dedication they require. Yet, a
       | half dozen times I nearly talked myself into buying one of those
       | beauties on the spot. Closest I came was a running, but yet to be
       | fully restored Model A that some 50's teen made a hot rod. That
       | 50's teen was the old man selling the car after it sat in his
       | backyard for 40 years. Walking way from that was very difficult.
        
       | acjacobson wrote:
       | My family kind of prides itself on driving manual cars even
       | though you have to go to extra effort to buy them new in the U.S.
       | these days. Once my Dad brought one of them into a mechanic for
       | an oil change and the guy asked 'How do you like your anti-theft
       | device?' My Dad was a bit puzzled because there was no extra
       | alarm or device he could think of, but the mechanic meant the
       | stick shift. Apparently manual cars are now so uncommon that your
       | average car thief doesn't know how to drive one away - so it's
       | kind of a surprising that someone got this 914 as far down the
       | road as he did.
        
         | warmwaffles wrote:
         | I've seen some guys just pull the fuse out for the ECU/PCM on
         | the vehicle as the anti-theft device. The thief will start to
         | crank and crank but never get it started. It should draw
         | attention to them and they'll just grab what they can and
         | leave.
        
         | fhood wrote:
         | No manual option on the mazda3 now. That was the biggest punch
         | in the gut.
        
       | raverbashing wrote:
       | Reading this description reminds me why I'm not a "car person"
       | 
       | Several rabbit-holes in Linux have tested my patience less than
       | that
        
         | michaelt wrote:
         | Your vehicle will never develop this number of issues _on the
         | day you buy it_.
         | 
         | You buy it with a trivial occasional issue that can be worked
         | around, and the issue gradually starts happening more and more
         | often and getting harder and harder to work around. And at the
         | same time, another trivial issue will develop....
         | 
         | That's how my motorcycle went from 'needs to be kick-started'
         | through 'sometimes it takes a few tries', through 'bump
         | starting works though', to 'you can bump start it within 6
         | attempts', to 'you can bump start it within 6 attempts, as long
         | as you didn't use the headlights too much last time you rode
         | it'
        
       | Melatonic wrote:
       | These things are an absolute BLAST to drive but you also feel
       | like you are literally driving a tin can - I do NOT want to think
       | about what would happen if you got into an accident with a larger
       | vehicle like an SUV
       | 
       | Met a guy that threw a V8 in one of these - must have been
       | absolutely insane.
        
       | temporallobe wrote:
       | In the U.S., we have a joke that the only anti-theft device
       | you'll ever need is a manual transmission.
        
         | SixDouble5321 wrote:
         | Idk, my manual Honda was stolen after living near Seattle for
         | about a month. Luckily it wasn't valuable enough to chop.
        
       | eichin wrote:
       | > exactly 4 pumps > start > exactly 2 pumps
       | 
       | ... does this sound to anyone else like he's basically got a
       | Permissive Action Link protecting his car?
        
       | BayAreaEscapee wrote:
       | For awhile I was into autocross.
       | 
       | I remember one guy who would always show up in a Porsche 914 with
       | racing tires, and he would run circles around us amateurs.
        
         | jeffbee wrote:
         | That's a funny sport. For years the SF area events were
         | dominated by a guy who ran a '78 Toyota Corolla hatchback. Or
         | what had once been that car, anyway.
        
         | dclowd9901 wrote:
         | We all know those autocross guys...
        
         | Corrado wrote:
         | We had a guy in some Ford station wagon that would win all the
         | time. The smoothest driving I've ever seen; I don't think the
         | tires even made a noise.
        
         | giarc wrote:
         | It's not always the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog.
         | 
         | I knew a guy that was an incredible mountain biker, won all the
         | races he entered etc. He used to show up with crappy bikes
         | probably 10lbs heavier than everyone else... he'd still win.
         | Sometimes you either have it or you don't, and all the
         | equipment in the world won't help you.
        
           | theluketaylor wrote:
           | In this case a 914 is close to the perfect car for autocross.
           | They are super light, so they change direction like a fly.
           | The mid engine layout means they have excellent balance.
           | Autocross is a low speed event, so the lack of power isn't
           | the penalty it would be on a larger circuit. With modern
           | tires a 914 should do extremely well.
        
             | warmwaffles wrote:
             | Yea I've seen some pretty sprightly little 90HP cars do
             | autocross really well. Old 2002 BMWs, Porsche 914s, Mini
             | Coopers, and some little Toyota spyders.
        
             | LanceH wrote:
             | The mid engine induced balance and short wheelbase on the
             | 914 just made it ridiculous for autocross. It was like
             | playing a video game where you stick to the ground. I
             | certainly raced more powerful and faster cars, but it was
             | possible to coax everything out of the 914 with an ease
             | that few other cars could match.
        
             | spaetzleesser wrote:
             | Sounds a bit like my Lotus Elise. I never tried autocross
             | but that car loved tight not too high speed tracks.
        
               | kQq9oHeAz6wLLS wrote:
               | Those are a blast. I took a friend's one around a listed
               | 15 mph corner at darn near highway speeds (on warm semi-
               | slick tires) with not near the understeer you'd expect.
        
             | Corrado wrote:
             | I autocrossed my '71 914/4 and it was so much fun.
             | Somewhere I have a picture of me 3 wheeling it around a
             | corner.
        
           | IgorPartola wrote:
           | I keep reading stories if people going to track day on their
           | liter bikes and getting outrun by the instructor riding a
           | 250cc scooter.
        
       | joshu wrote:
       | This doesn't sound too bad. But I also race in a 1960s british
       | race car.
        
       | rcpt wrote:
       | Great writing and nice to see people who enjoy their hobbies but
       | jfc this kind of thing shouldn't be allowed on public roads.
        
       | GekkePrutser wrote:
       | This sounds a lot like my first car. I won't mention the model
       | for security reasons :D (This topic is going to be a goldmine for
       | hackers!)
       | 
       | It's funny because I had very similar issues. In my case the
       | gearshift link bar fell out of the bottom twice. Both cases I was
       | parked in a high-security area at work and I had get special
       | authorisation for the road service. To much amusement of the
       | security staff, especially the second time which was about a week
       | after the first.
       | 
       | Also, the lights would not auto switch off when turning off the
       | ignition (no fancy newfangled electronics there!), but my
       | colleagues were willing to give me a push once a week or so. All
       | the above did give my car a very special reputation at work and
       | it was the butt of many jokes. It also had a manual choke which
       | caused me to empty many a fuel tank unnecessarily. I carried a 5L
       | jerrycan around after the first time I found out what happens if
       | you forget to switch the choke off after starting. With the choke
       | off it would go more than 100km on this reserve!
       | 
       | The ignition switch was also so far gone it could be turned with
       | a teaspoon, but unfortunately this worked both ways. Sometimes
       | going over a bump in the road would flick it off. So for this
       | reason I hotwired the foglight switch (which was rarely allowed
       | to be used in the Netherlands, you may only use it in basically
       | undrivable conditions) as an "ignition on" switch to bridge it.
       | In this sense it was like a modern car which you can turn on with
       | a button. For the foglight itself I just had two wires hanging
       | under the dash which I could simply connect when needed. No need
       | for this modern "switch" nonsense.
       | 
       | There was also no power steering nor braking and the engine
       | (1.0L) was so small you could literally set foot inside the
       | engine compartment (standing on the road as it didn't have a
       | bottom). My father hated me for braking so hard when I drove his
       | car, but on mine you really had to pump it if you had any hope of
       | stopping. Steering was super light though, even without power
       | steering. Probably because the car weighed practically nothing,
       | and the tyres could use a bit more grip. When I had people
       | sitting in the back I literally had trouble steering at high
       | speeds because there wasn't enough weight on the front. So I
       | would limit myself to 80km/h on the motorway in those cases to be
       | safe. It did have no trouble reaching 120km/h though, to my
       | surprise.
       | 
       | I also had to make sure not to fuel up above 80% or so because
       | when splashing it leaked somewhere around the neck of the fuel
       | filler pipe and the smell was horrible.
       | 
       | Still, it was MY car. My friends bought me a bumper sticker
       | saying "Laugh all you want, this one is paid off!". It was also
       | special in the sense that it was the only car I've had where the
       | (Sony) stereo was worth more than the car itself. It was one of
       | the first with a CD player. Not that it was particularly
       | expensive, but you probably gathered that the car was even
       | cheaper.
       | 
       | PS: Funnily enough it passed the safety inspection twice. I did
       | have to wire the foglight switch back up before the test though
       | O:-)
        
       | siverson914 wrote:
        
       | jeffrallen wrote:
       | I need to print this out and put it in my 1974 VW camper, for my
       | kids to read when I kick off.
        
       | rob_c wrote:
       | story makes me realise why MOTs exist :P sounds like the owner
       | has good fun with that relic, but I wonder is it actually
       | roadworthy?
        
         | kingcharles wrote:
         | MOT surely won't check half the things that are wrong with this
         | car though? Shitty starting, busted gearbox? Most 90s supercars
         | wouldn't pass if that was a problem :p
         | 
         | What do MOTs say about antique cars? I've had some really rough
         | old Minis pass the MOT in the past.
        
         | MBCook wrote:
         | Based on what they said, no. Not at all.
         | 
         | Great read.
        
       | mellavora wrote:
       | My first car was a 914. Love and miss it to this day.
       | 
       | At some point the solenoid died (or some other electrical
       | component). So to start it, you'd have to reach under the car
       | with a screwdriver (or some other piece of metal, but I kept a
       | screwdriver in the car for this purpose), and short out across
       | two terminals.
       | 
       | You then had 10-20 seconds to get out from under the car, into
       | the driver's seat, and turn the key. As a practiced manouver, it
       | was pretty quick.
        
         | sethammons wrote:
         | I left my key in. Pop and sparks and a running engine
         | immediately (gmc s-15)
        
         | pmags wrote:
         | I had a '73 VW Bug -- the solenoid failed in the middle of a
         | post-college beach camping adventure through Baja with a
         | friend. We too designated a screwdriver just for this purpose
         | and kept track of whose turn it was to slide under the car to
         | short the terminals. We became quite adept at it! Good times...
        
         | everybodyknows wrote:
         | On mine, the well-corroded cast-pot-metal door handle snapped
         | in two. No problem: The ignition key could be wedged between
         | the remaining stub of a handle and the frame, producing just
         | enough leverage to pop the door catch.
        
         | jihadjihad wrote:
         | Wow, what a blast from the past. My first car was a 1990
         | Mercury Grand Marquis, and it developed this same solenoid
         | issue. My grandpa taught me that same trick of shorting past
         | the solenoid so that the car can start. My friends were always
         | very curious why there was a hammer underneath the passenger's
         | seat, at least until I told them to hand it to me and crank the
         | engine when I gave the shout.
        
           | floren wrote:
           | Kind of wild that both you and GP developed tricks for
           | shorting the solenoid when a replacement solenoid is like $20
           | and 10 minutes of work. Well, at least for a Mercury Grand
           | Marquis aka the Ford Crown Victoria, I can't speak for
           | Superior German Engineering.
        
             | dclowd9901 wrote:
             | What's that joke about "temporary fixes that work are never
             | just temporary?"
        
       | blastro wrote:
       | In high school, my friends and I managed to resuscitate a 914
       | that had been stowed away in a garage for over a decade. We towed
       | it to the top of a hill with a pickup truck and attempted a
       | clutch start after we'd picked up some speed. None of us
       | (especially me in the driver's seat) expected this to work, but
       | amazingly it fired right up. One of my friends managed to jog
       | alongside and jump into the car as I tried to keep it puttering
       | along, and we ripped a few laps around the neighborhood.
       | Soonafter, we stopped the engine and were never able to get it
       | started again. Thanks for bringing up this memory. Cool article.
        
         | titzer wrote:
         | lol, your memory jogged my memory of me and my neighbor, me 14,
         | he 16, finding an almost-completely disassembled moped in the
         | woods behind my house. It had been completely stripped--out of
         | spite, it would appear, since everything not firmly attached to
         | the steel frame, including all of the plastic shell parts,
         | lights, switches, etc, had been strewn all around. Of the few
         | things attached to the frame, it was lucky the engine, gas
         | tank, and rear wheel, remained. We lugged this 200+ pound pile
         | of junk a few hundred yards through the woods into my garage.
         | Just replaced the spark plug cable, and it fricking started up!
         | We then proceeded to replace the front wheel with a BMX bike
         | tire, fashioned a makeshift seat out of a banana bicycle seat
         | with some angle-iron, and _I rode that heap of junk, wires
         | flailing off the frame, for over a year._ I got pulled over by
         | the police for not having lights. Problem was, in the mess of
         | wiring that _did_ exist, I was randomly splicing into whatever,
         | including a feed that apparently hadn 't gone through a voltage
         | regular, and would burn out the tail lights if I hit the brakes
         | at too high of an RPM. After the police incident, my dad
         | wouldn't let me ride it on the street anymore, and then
         | eventually he took it to the junk yard one day when I was at
         | school.
        
           | NoImmatureAdHom wrote:
           | I am sorry for your loss.
        
         | evanjacobs wrote:
         | My first car was also a 914 that the father of a friend of mine
         | had sitting in his garage. The transmission was shot (no first
         | gear) and the suspension had given out but I bought it anyway
         | for $800 and put about $2000 into fixing it.
         | 
         | It was a really fun car to drive although it also shared many
         | of the same quirks as mentioned in this story.
        
         | 14 wrote:
         | lol that's a cool story you probably damaged the rings and
         | cylinder wall by force starting it without taking some
         | precautions first. If you have an engine that has sat a long
         | time you definitely should pull the spark plugs and spay
         | lubricant down the holes. Let it sit overnight. Then gently try
         | and turn over the engine by hand and see if the rings are free
         | or not. Something sitting so long the ring tend to stick to
         | cylinder wall and turning over the engine suddenly can cause
         | them to damage the cylinder wall and damage the rings. So while
         | running down the hill you probably did some damage but it was
         | moving fast enough that it could get enough compression to run
         | while you had it running. After you stopped it and attempted to
         | start it again there would be less oil on the pistons as well
         | as any damage greatly reducing compression and preventing it
         | from starting.
        
           | blastro wrote:
           | Thanks for this explanation. Totally makes sense!
        
         | jacquesm wrote:
         | Likely not enough lubrication happening. Pity, that engine
         | would have been perfectly good if it had been treated a bit
         | more carefully, and a matching numbers 914 would be worth
         | something today. They're a very interesting car, mid engined
         | lightweight sports car that handles a lot better than you would
         | expect from something that old.
         | 
         | There was a six cylinder version of this as well (super rare)
         | and they made a prototype 914/8 which was never offered for
         | sale, afaik only two were made (one for Ferdinand Porsche, one
         | for Ferdinand Piech).
        
         | Eric_WVGG wrote:
         | My father had one of these just sort of gathering dust in the
         | garage when I was growing up, utterly shocked when I turned 16
         | and he handed me the keys.
         | 
         | I still like to casually drop "oh yeah, I used to have a
         | Porsche back when I was 16." Although I must say it was in
         | immeasurably better shape than this one :D
         | 
         | I still dream of finding an old 914 and giving it an electric
         | conversion... I'd have to do something about that rear window,
         | though, it whips air forward when you drive with the top down.
        
           | colburnmh wrote:
           | It's really a weird Volkswagen/Porsche frankenstein, despite
           | what the badge says. Porsche designed it, Volkswagen built
           | it. Outside the US, the Volkswagon version is 914/4, and the
           | Porsche version being a 914/6. (The last digit references the
           | number of cylinders). In the US market both versions were
           | branded as Porsche because US buyers were deemed unable to
           | understand that two different car brands used the same body
           | style. (Times have changed.)
           | 
           | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porsche_914
        
             | Eric_WVGG wrote:
             | back when I was a teenager, I read a few bits that referred
             | to it as a "VoPo"
        
               | riedel wrote:
               | I remember it being referred to as Volksporsche. It was a
               | strange mix of feelings. Nobody took it as a serious
               | Porsche while owners that normally wouldn't be able to
               | afford a 'real' one really loved the car for it quirks.
               | To me this is a much better Volksporsche than the
               | Cayenne/Touareg . And in hindsight the people who loved
               | this democratized version of a sports car have a better
               | place in history than all those who started the SUV boom
               | in Europe's cities. While Porsche was made a bit fun of
               | at the time, today's Porsches feel like an anachronistic
               | thing that nobody desires but super rich and wannabes.
        
             | donw wrote:
             | The author has neglected to mention that you can find the
             | engine by shouting "Gerald! Gerald!" at the top of your
             | lungs in all directions.
             | 
             | This will summon the ancient, exhausted hamster that powers
             | the vehicle.
        
             | zeckalpha wrote:
             | The Suburban was sold as both a Chevrolet and GMC starting
             | in 1937.
        
           | tricky wrote:
           | Hello to a fellow member of the "my first car was a Porsche"
           | club. Mine was a $400 924 that broke at least once a week.
           | Good times.
        
             | chrisdhoover wrote:
             | I have a 65/66 912 converted to a 2.7 liter six. I love
             | this car.
             | 
             | When I got it there were issues. I have worked through many
             | of them. The PO did not understand the regulator for
             | instance. I gutted the wiring and redid it. It now charges
             | and there is no battery drain.
             | 
             | Like OP the lights were not good. I replaced those with
             | LEDs. The suspension was worn, it was completely replaced.
             | 
             | The engine has good compression and the leak down showed it
             | was healthy. It did leak oil though, sealed the engine. It
             | no longer leaks.
             | 
             | You can't just buy one of these cars and drive it. You have
             | to wrench on it. It takes care and feeding.
             | 
             | I find it rewarding
        
             | Melatonic wrote:
             | I had an early 944 - it basically had all of the negatives
             | of the 924 and only a few positives :-D
        
               | mikepavone wrote:
               | I don't know about that. More powerful engine, 4 wheel
               | disc brakes (rather than 2 disc, 2 drum setup on a base
               | 924) and the switch to electronic fuel injection instead
               | of K-Jetronic all seem like decent upgrades to me. I had
               | an '83 944 as my daily driver for a couple of years and
               | for a poorly maintained 25 year old sports car it wasn't
               | so bad.
               | 
               | The combination of an interference engine and a super-
               | long manually tensioned timing belt was rather
               | unfortunate though. I never had an issue with my belt,
               | but adjusting the tension was very stressful. Especially
               | since I was too cheap to buy the proper expensive tool
               | and was using one of the crappy "cricket" ones.
        
               | Melatonic wrote:
               | 968 FTW
               | 
               | I still want to buy a later model 90s one, throw an LS7
               | in there, and overhaul the interior. Would be an amazing
               | vehicle.
        
               | technothrasher wrote:
               | Come on now, the Porsche engine in the 944 is miles
               | better than the Audi one in the 924. Got rid of all the
               | vibration issues. Granted the base 944 is a bit slow, but
               | I've currently got an '86 951 and it's still a great car
               | today. The weight distribution on it is just perfect.
               | Much more fun to drive and way more reliable than the '85
               | Ferrari 308 that I recently sold.
        
               | ryandrake wrote:
               | I had to sell my beloved '86 951 to an out-of-stater due
               | to California emissions madness[1], and miss it every
               | day. I don't, however, miss the hours a month spent
               | underneath it keeping it driving. Everything except the
               | turbo was aftermarket by the time I was done with it. The
               | mid-80s were this weird point in time where cars were
               | still wrench-able, but manufacturers started adding
               | electronic gizmos, not knowing how to make those gizmos
               | reliable. It's like they were still figuring out how to
               | make everything from engine ECUs to power windows, and
               | trying ideas out on production cars.
               | 
               | (It was also my first experience with an interference
               | engine, and the terror of having your timing belt break.)
               | 
               | 1: Car blew clean as a whistle, even to clean air
               | standards that never existed in 1986, but since the
               | intake and exhaust had all sorts of parts not officially
               | stamped with the CA bureaucracy seal of approval, it had
               | to go :(
        
             | polynomial wrote:
             | The 924 had a design flaw in the engine. The oil pressure
             | sensor was located in the oil pan at the base of the return
             | pipe to the cam, rather than at the top of the pipe at the
             | cam. Thus, the pipe could become clogged and no oil would
             | reach the cam shaft, while giving no indication of the
             | problem. Needless to say, this could be very bad.
        
               | hef19898 wrote:
               | Reminds me of the bad rep the 2.4 VM turbo diesel got in
               | the Range Rover Classic. Good engine, used in some
               | Chryslers, and boats, from the 80s to the early 2000s.
               | Why? Because the Land Rover engineers mounted the cooling
               | flyid tank too low, the 5th (?) cylinder risked not
               | getting enough cooling and tended to crack. The fix is to
               | mount the cooling tank a couple of cm higher up in the
               | engine bay.
        
             | hef19898 wrote:
             | Those are slowly gett;ng expensive as well. 928s seem to be
             | reasonably priced so far. No wonder with a car that was
             | barely considered a Porsch back the day.
             | 
             | It was one of the potential follow up projects, once the
             | first one is done. That will take at least another two
             | years... And I won't get permission for another project car
             | in our drive way!
        
             | f38zf5vdt wrote:
             | 924 here too! Totalled it (not that there was much to
             | total) at the age of 20. May it rest in pieces.
        
               | [deleted]
        
           | EastSmith wrote:
           | Is the electric conversion still a thing? I want an eclectic
           | car with no monitors, no software updates, no surveillance
           | (none of the new electric car offers that - they are calling
           | home for updates and god knows why way too often, and they
           | have bigger monitors than my 14" work laptop).
        
             | zrm wrote:
             | Is anybody doing surveillance conversions?
             | 
             | Like take a stock Tesla, throw out the computer it comes
             | with and replace it with one that doesn't spy on you. Keep
             | everything else.
             | 
             | Probably easier than doing the reverse, isn't it?
        
               | myself248 wrote:
               | That's a brilliant idea, and I think I might be well-
               | positioned to offer it.
               | 
               | Not with Teslas specifically; I think surveillance is
               | woven so deep into the fabric of the vehicle, it'd be a
               | lot of work to get it out. But with most other makes,
               | it's just a telematics unit that's easy enough to remove
               | or bypass, and most of the other functionality just keeps
               | working.
               | 
               | How would one price such a service? Often the research is
               | 99% of the work, and the actual labor is just pulling a
               | connector or two, perhaps fabricating a short bypass
               | harness.
        
               | zrm wrote:
               | Depends how big you think the market is.
        
             | throwaway0a5e wrote:
             | How fast do you need to go? Hyster, Crown, et. al. make
             | what you want.
        
             | elihu wrote:
             | It's still a thing. It's a lot of work though and it pretty
             | much never makes financial sense versus just buying a used
             | Leaf or something. But it's one way to get a car that's
             | exactly what you want.
             | 
             | I'm currently working on converting a Mazda RX-8.
        
             | trainsarebetter wrote:
             | Check out the openinverter.org/wiki project. it's very
             | active, lots of development and backing going on
             | 
             | I also design a variety of parts for adapting oem ev parts
             | for other vehicles www.bratindustries.net
        
             | hadlock wrote:
             | The inverter/regen braking, and charger units do have
             | _some_ firmware, but once everything is wired up and
             | working, should work indefinitely without future OTA
             | updates. If the national charging standard changes at some
             | point in the future (or gets exported to another area
             | (europe) that uses a different standard) you 'll need to
             | swap out the charger.
             | 
             | Companies like EV West in California and Swindon in the UK
             | offer bolt-in kits for 1960s cars, in particular the VW
             | Beetle and the original Cooper Mini
             | 
             | Long term, as engine parts become harder to source,
             | especially for low volume european cars, Electric
             | Conversion is rapidly becoming the accepted way to keep
             | these classics on the road for another 100 years.
        
               | hnov wrote:
               | Engines like the VW typ 4 in the 914 are probably not
               | going extinct anytime soon, you can order a ready to go
               | longblock fairly easily [0]. For larger cars, a GM gen IV
               | V8 can be had with CA-compliant emissions out of any
               | parts catalog [1].
               | 
               | [0] https://scatvw.com/product/2-0-liter-long-
               | block-24-875-779/
               | 
               | [1] https://www.jegs.com/i/Chevrolet-
               | Performance/809/19421057/10...
        
               | hadlock wrote:
               | Agreed; I suspect the reason why the VW has been targeted
               | by EV makers is largely because the tuner/enthusiast
               | crowd is quite large, and also it's an extremely well
               | understood/documented platform. I haven't seen the EV
               | West stuff up close in person yet, but it looks like as a
               | platform to develop a set of standard equipment for other
               | cars, the VW is a good initial choice for those reasons.
               | 
               | I have a similarly size/weight prewar french car, and
               | when the engine finally gives out, will probably pull out
               | the petrol engine and swap in a VW kit, but with a custom
               | bell housing adapter. A 70-100hp electric motor meant for
               | a VW is not a lot of power, but can provide enough low
               | end torque to keep the car driving in modern traffic for
               | 100-130 miles, which is probably enough for the use
               | classic cars get.
        
             | pards wrote:
             | This x 100. My next car will probably have to be electric
             | but I need it to be bare bones, serviceable and FOSS. DIY
             | might be the only option
        
             | pinkythepig wrote:
             | Surprisingly enough, you can get that from the BMW i3.
             | 
             | - The monitor is necessary but it is not a touch screen and
             | it comes with a nice clicky knob to control it. Plus you
             | can make shortcuts to go to certain screens with the radio
             | station buttons.
             | 
             | - 2014 - 2017? all shipped with a 3g module that is now
             | unsupported and not working.
             | 
             | - You can get access to munros teardown report for $10(1),
             | and if you know where to look ;) you can find the service
             | tech training manuals and their repair instructions for
             | free which are all very detailed.
             | 
             | - realoem.com has exploded parts diagrams with part numbers
             | for everything.
             | 
             | The only negatives really is:
             | 
             | - buying OEM parts comes with that BMW price premium and
             | the dealer will 100% rip you off if you ever take it to
             | them for repairs.
             | 
             | - The OEM tires, the only kind that fit on the OEM wheels,
             | have terrible tread life.
             | 
             | (1)https://munrolive.com/support-%2F-store/ols/products/bmw
             | -i3-...
        
             | zitterbewegung wrote:
             | Yea electric conversion is a thing and according to Rich
             | rebuilds they are making better kits instead of wiring
             | everything manually.
             | 
             | But like all car projects it's a money pit. Expect to spend
             | $50k in parts and labor. And it may or may not be street
             | legal for that price.
             | 
             | Driving the vehicle in places where you don't have cell
             | service or where it can be cold would be a bad idea if the
             | conversion breaks down. Or just get a satellite phone and
             | AAA.
        
             | gambiting wrote:
             | >>none of the new electric car offers that
             | 
             | Eh? I literally got a brand new electric VW e-Up last week,
             | it's exactly that. It even still has analog dials, and VW
             | provides a mount for your phone instead of an
             | "infotainment" system. The height of sophistication is DAB
             | radio and heated front window and seats.
             | 
             | I highly recommend it, it's a hoot - and with 150 miles
             | range and rapid charging capability it's more than enough
             | for all my needs.
             | 
             | That's the dashboard in it, it's as "bare minimum" as it
             | gets: https://media.drivingelectric.com/image/private/s--
             | 7PGbPUr6-...
        
               | digisign wrote:
               | The problem isn't only the dashboard, it is the pervasive
               | surveillance. This car is better than most but I've read
               | here before that it still had some flaws. Can't find the
               | post at the moment however.
        
               | mavhc wrote:
               | Find the radio, remove the aerial/sim card, done.
        
               | digisign wrote:
               | Ok as a band-aid, but doesn't create any market pressure
               | to provide an alternative.
        
               | owly wrote:
               | Nice. I'd buy one immediately if they were available in
               | the US.
        
               | hollander wrote:
               | That's a nice car. The range is a bit limited, but I
               | could see myself buying it. Thanks for this info!
        
               | wlesieutre wrote:
               | Not in the US I don't think. Even manufacturers that have
               | been generally anti-touchscreen (read: mazda) went and
               | stuffed in touchscreen HVAC controls because "people
               | expect that in electric cars" or something.
        
             | sgustard wrote:
             | Check out https://www.everrati.com for electric
             | conversions.
        
             | jimnotgym wrote:
             | It definitely is a thing for classic cars. These people
             | even have a discovery channel show about them. They look
             | awesome, and are within easy electric range of my house!
             | 
             | https://www.electricclassiccars.co.uk
        
             | KennyBlanken wrote:
             | Most any vehicle with "telematics" available made in the
             | last ~10 years is calling home with your location and a
             | variety of information like cabin and outdoor air
             | temperature, whether the wipers and headlights are on, etc.
             | The data is sold to third parties, with varying levels of
             | anonymization. This happens regardless of whether you're
             | paying for a subscription to their telematics, whether you
             | have a GPS navigation system optioned, etc.
             | 
             | I know this because a friend worked for a company trying to
             | monetize that data for weather forecasting.
             | 
             | If you want to disable this nonsense, just unplug the
             | cellular antenna and connect it to a dummy load.
        
               | dreamcompiler wrote:
               | First you have to _find_ the antenna, and there might be
               | more than one.
        
               | ungamedplayer wrote:
               | Some markets don't have this. You can't get remote start
               | in some Toyotas etc.
               | 
               | Is this just a usa thing?
        
               | inyorgroove wrote:
               | My car has this, but with the sunset for 3G this year I
               | am pretty sure the the data can't make it home anymore.
        
             | distortedsignal wrote:
             | Ford will sell you an electric crate engine for $4k [1]. At
             | that point, I think it's up to you to supply the other
             | parts of the system.
             | 
             | I assume that at this point there are enough wrecks of
             | Model S/X/3/Y that you should be able to pick up electric
             | motors from them at junkyards.
             | 
             | The thing I really worry about with electric swaps is
             | battery. You could have a Note 7 situation on your hands
             | _real easy_ if you're not careful.
             | 
             | [1] https://performanceparts.ford.com/part/M-9000-MACHE
        
               | KennyBlanken wrote:
               | Production EV battery packs almost always include some
               | sort of BMS and have lots of interlocks and safeties. You
               | don't really have to do much to work with them other than
               | to talk to the BMS and not exceed voltage and current
               | limits. If you do, the BMS will trip the pack's internal
               | HV contactor.
               | 
               | Safely installing/modding/repairing automotive fuel
               | systems is likely just as, if not more, dangerous if you
               | don't know what you're doing. There are few interlocks on
               | automotive fuel systems beyond "if the engine stops
               | spinning, turn off the fuel pump" or in some vehicles,
               | there might be a crash/rollover fuel shutoff switch.
               | 
               | People think working on EVs is super scary when reality
               | is that you can usually pull a cover in the rear
               | passenger area, find and pull a bright orange plug, and
               | the HV system is rendered completely safe. EVs don't have
               | a billion places you can scald or burn yourself, their
               | "engine" compartments generally don't have much or any
               | spinning objects that could deglove your hands, there's
               | no fuel or oil to catch fire, no high pressure
               | hydraulics...
        
               | jacquesm wrote:
               | All true, but a pack that has been in a crash might be
               | broken in subtle and hard to detect ways. A short _in_
               | the pack would be a quick way to ruin your day.
        
               | galangalalgol wrote:
               | Do any of those BMS do cooling? The parking lot at work
               | hits 115F regularly and that is bad for batteries. I'd
               | love a conversion, but I worry I'd get nissan leaf
               | battery life vs tesla s battery life. I'm thinking
               | something like an old mazda bongo import. For that
               | matter, do any of the kits power the ac compressor?
        
               | [deleted]
        
               | distortedsignal wrote:
               | Is there a place you know of to get production EV battery
               | packs? I'm an amateur mechanic, and this might be up my
               | alley, but (as above) I'm worried about these battery
               | fire situations.
        
               | s5300 wrote:
               | Unless I'm misreading what you're after,
               | batteryhookup.com
               | 
               | I and acquaintances in my hobby have dealt with them a
               | lot, very great site.
        
               | __david__ wrote:
               | "Note 7 situation"--I don't understand this reference,
               | can you explain?
        
               | colanderman wrote:
               | Lithium-ion battery fire: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S
               | amsung_Galaxy_Note_7#Battery_...
        
               | aetherspawn wrote:
               | Inverter not included .. useless
        
             | skykooler wrote:
             | Yep! There are some good resources at https://evwest.com
             | (not affiliated but have bought parts from there before).
        
             | hathawsh wrote:
             | I've been watching the Hummer conversion project from
             | JerryRigEverything. It's a great series because he's not an
             | expert on EVs, but he's competent with tools. https://www.y
             | outube.com/watch?v=YxkPuEmIX4U&list=PL0vZL9uwyf...
        
             | zamfi wrote:
             | > they have bigger monitors than my 14" work laptop
             | 
             | Unfortunately, though you might find one with a smaller
             | screen, you won't find ANY new car with no screen these
             | days -- backup cameras (and, by implication, a screen to
             | see its feed) have been required on new cars in the US
             | since 2018.
        
               | fragmede wrote:
               | Some cars house the screen inside rear view mirror
               | (notably some Subarus), as there is no specific
               | requirement on screen size.
        
             | jrockway wrote:
             | People do electric conversions. I've been randomly watching
             | someone on YouTube convert an old Jaguar:
             | https://www.youtube.com/c/superfastmatt
             | 
             | Being an automotive engineer that worked for Tesla seems to
             | be helpful, though.
        
           | hindsightbias wrote:
           | Those that haven't burned (fuel injected high pressure fuel
           | lines degraded and cracked) have rusted out, just sits too
           | low to ground and can't be left that way.
           | 
           | Rebuilt one at 16 and took it to college!
        
             | everybodyknows wrote:
             | > high pressure fuel lines degraded and cracked
             | 
             | A vulnerability shared with all K-Jetronic engines. At some
             | point I got clued in and kept a fire extinguisher on board
             | my own 914, just in case. And it saw use, not on my own
             | car, but doing damage control on a stranger's VW Beetle, in
             | flames on the freeway shoulder.
        
               | psd1 wrote:
               | Known issue with my car with D-Jetronic, too
        
           | more_corn wrote:
           | I have an electric converted 914 if you want to pick it up.
           | It's even in need of a few battery packs so it won't all be
           | done before you get your hands on it.
        
       | jonsully wrote:
       | This has got to be one of the very best and most hilarious
       | articles I've read this year. Bravo, sir.
        
       | Havoc wrote:
       | Fine writing.
       | 
       | Frankly I'm more intrigued by the fact that this seems to have
       | gotten an easy #1 spot on hn. Writing about sketchy clutches on
       | old cars does not generally attract wide hn acclaim.
       | 
       | I'd love to hear opinions as to what made the
       | difference...clearly something here is different.
        
         | shakezula wrote:
         | It's funny you say that cause this screams HN content to me.
         | 
         | I'm a long-time project car builder and this post strikes all
         | the chords of a labor of love.
         | 
         | Clever content, technical concepts but written in plain
         | english, relishing in the almost hostile user experiences that
         | some engineering can produce. It smacks of everything HN is to
         | me.
        
         | probably_wrong wrote:
         | I think it's a combination of factors: it is technical, it is
         | funny, it is well written, it resonates with anyone who had to
         | deal with "quirky" hardware, car or not (a.k.a. "that PC that
         | only boots if you press and hold CapsLock"), plus the fact that
         | the weekend is almost here.
        
           | CRConrad wrote:
           | I think you just thoroughly disproved your HN user ID.
        
       | drewg123 wrote:
       | My first car was a 22 year old (at the time) 1964 Triumph TR4
       | that my dad and I found in a barn. A lot of the issues in this
       | 914 were present on my car as well. My car had a minor engine oil
       | leak, and the oil would drip onto the exhaust system and fill the
       | cabin with smoke. I remember when the brakes went out and I drove
       | the car ~25 miles with nothing but the parking brake.
       | 
       | The best was when I got out of this tiny car with manual
       | everything and drove the land-yacht Pontiac Parisienne we used
       | for driver's ed in highschool. Its brakes were so sensitive, and
       | I was so used to having to use a _LOT_ of force to stop the TR4,
       | that the first few times I 'd stop the car everybody's seatbelt
       | would lock up.
        
       | abruzzi wrote:
       | 914s had an engine and transmission from the VW Bus. Since the VW
       | Bus had a rear engine setup the shift rod was straight into the
       | very front of the transaxle. IIRC, when they reversed the
       | transmission to put the engine in front of the transmission, the
       | shift input eas now in the very rear so the shift rod started in
       | the middle/front of the car, had to transit back, around the
       | engine and transaxle assembly then completely reverse into the
       | what was now the very rear of the transmission. Which is why the
       | 914s were notorious for sloppy transmissions. Later years of 914
       | made a change in the transmission so the shift rod entered the
       | side of the transmission, which probably helped a little.
        
         | denimboy wrote:
         | 914 had a type 4 engine which it shared with the type 2 VW bus.
         | However the transmission was completely different from the bus.
         | The 914 had 5 speeds and the bus only had 4.
         | 
         | A lot of the article is about "you'll never find 2nd" which is
         | in large part to the weird shifting pattern. Reverse is where
         | first usually is, first is where second usually is and the rest
         | are in a kind of off by one pattern from there. This was
         | actually considered a feature since supposedly it allows the
         | driver to make the shift from first to second faster.
         | 
         | The vagueness of the stick is very true and something every 914
         | owner can relate to. Those first couple weeks you spend some
         | time hunting for the right slot. I went from first to fifth
         | many times before a muscle memory was developed and I didn't
         | have to think about it.
        
           | kQq9oHeAz6wLLS wrote:
           | Not terribly odd, either. My 46 Dodge truck has the same
           | shift pattern, albeit with just 3 forward gears.
        
           | Corrado wrote:
           | Yea, I drove my 914 for 3-4 years before selling it. I didn't
           | remember having trouble shifting until I read the article and
           | your response here, then it all came flooding back. Those
           | first couple of weeks were "exciting" but after that it just
           | became a normal part of driving the car. No wonder nobody
           | wanted to drive my car.
        
       | alx__ wrote:
       | Remind me of trying to get a dev environment setup at this one
       | company 5 years ago. The list of troubleshooting items was longer
       | than the list to get it running :D
        
       | caycep wrote:
       | At this point, it is not unreasonable to pay the thief for all
       | his hard work in stealing the car
        
       | orangepurple wrote:
       | I used to bother with mechanical junk like this when I was
       | younger. I bought 10 cars under $1000 and repaired everything
       | from shattered valvetrain to clogged fuel filters. These days if
       | I wanted to drive a junk car with a good brand I would LS swap it
       | and call it a day. It's more important to treat cancer before it
       | metastasizes unlike the hospice care this person is giving that
       | car. It troubles me to see people suffering with total junk just
       | because it has a brand association.
        
         | mdoms wrote:
         | It troubles you that this person has an interest you don't
         | share?
        
         | h2odragon wrote:
         | I don't doubt this person could restore that car to factory
         | perfection or remake it into a modern masterpiece. Thats not
         | what it's for tho.
         | 
         | The clapped out heap of junk has an integrity, and dignity,
         | worthy of respect. This car should most properly be exhibited
         | on blocks in the front yard, surrounded by tall grass, possibly
         | with a tree beginning to grow out of it somewhere.
         | 
         | Between a trophy and a salute to both the soul of the machine
         | itself and the many people who made it. "Well done thou good
         | and faithful servant"
         | 
         | It should be a habitation for dogs.
        
           | orangepurple wrote:
           | Agreed. I am very uncomfortable letting a car rot anywhere
           | though. I'd rather see it shredded and recycled. Then again I
           | don't deify brands like I sort of did when I was younger.
           | 
           | At this point that car needs to be completely disassembled to
           | bare metal, power washed, welding repaired, sandblasted,
           | repainted, and totally rebuilt. With so much damage all that
           | remains is nothing but hospice care.
        
         | floren wrote:
         | The LS swap is the equivalent of gutting a classic computer or
         | piece of stereo equipment and jamming in a Raspberry Pi.
         | Occasionally it's an improvement, sometimes the original parts
         | were too far gone, but a lot of the time it's just lazy
         | vandalism.
        
           | orangepurple wrote:
           | I agree with you. In the case of this article the original
           | parts were too far gone.
           | 
           | I do appreciate the physical aesthetics of older devices and
           | would not vandalize functional and maintainable internals
           | unless they caused extreme hardship.
        
           | sgt wrote:
           | Didn't Tyler Hoover (on YouTube) put an LS motor in a Porsche
           | 911? He got some hate for that.
        
       | kazinator wrote:
       | > _oil vapors are exhumed from the cabin_
       | 
       | Very creative malapropism!
        
       | rebuilder wrote:
       | When I was a kid, we had a succession of dubious used cars, at
       | least two of which were Ladas. They were fine cars - spare parts
       | were easy to get and you needed them often.
       | 
       | One time, someone broke into one of the Ladas. No problem for us,
       | it was hard to start even with a key and the would-be auto thief
       | apparently couldn't get it going. Who needs an alarm?
        
       | interactivecode wrote:
       | Can I just say this is such a lovely site design. fast, clean and
       | very readable. Bravo!
        
       | gabereiser wrote:
       | I love this. It brings back memories of my first car. A '86 GT
       | with a horse logo. I remember driving with my sister one day,
       | explaining all the things that are wrong with it and my ingenious
       | work arounds to justify it. Then her door swung open taking a
       | turn too fast and she refused to ever ride in the car again.
       | 
       | This was a great read, thank you.
        
       | indus wrote:
       | I love the upcoming downturn in tech, more posts like these would
       | trend ;-)
        
       | stblack wrote:
       | Great article indeed.
       | 
       | Inquiring mind wants to know, push rods or overhead cams?
       | 
       | According to Wikipedia, the 914 could have either.
       | 
       | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porsche_914#Technical_specific...
        
       | deltarholamda wrote:
       | I laughed out loud several times at this.
       | 
       | It's kind of sad that a lot of younger folks won't have this kind
       | of experience. Muscling a 1973 Ford F150 around with no power
       | steering, I learned many, many things about driving. Having to do
       | hill starts with a 3-on-the-tree, I learned many, many more.
       | 
       | A recalcitrant, finicky, or otherwise nearly broken car is a
       | source of much distress, but also character building. And often a
       | source of many fond rememberances--albeit far, far in the future.
        
         | tclancy wrote:
         | Ha, yeah, with new cars there's no reason to try to talk things
         | out and reason with them because there's no sense they are just
         | being stubborn.
        
           | deltarholamda wrote:
           | >with new cars there's no reason to try to talk things out
           | and reason with them because
           | 
           | ...because there's a solid chance the car will talk back.
           | 
           | Welcome to the future! Your car will sass you, and you will
           | like it!
        
         | Corrado wrote:
         | Oh my Dad's old Chevy stepside was a bear to drive. That 3-on-
         | the-tree gave me fits. On the upside, I can drive just about
         | any car on Earth now without too much trouble.
        
       | SLWW wrote:
       | The section about starting the car rings true for just about
       | every old car I own.
       | 
       | My Dart, an ol' 4 door from '69 has this really cool thing were
       | in the event you do get the cruel idea to wake her up on a cold
       | morning; you'll end up doing three sets of ignition on, wait 3-5
       | seconds, ignition off, pump the gas pedal a few times (first set
       | 20, then 10, then 5) and if you haven't deviated from this
       | formula you should be able to start the engine. After about 3
       | seconds she will be quietly resting once more, then you can
       | attempt to wake her again, this time once you hear the engine
       | come to life you need to ease onto the accelerator, and hold it
       | at an obnoxiously loud "idle" for about 1-2 minute. Then from
       | there you will put her in first, and while still tickling the
       | accelerator, release the brake slowly (this girl is a TorqueFlite
       | auto transmission).
       | 
       | Though i love that car because i drove it as my daily for several
       | months during the cold winter... it had no heater, no defrost and
       | no hope of going highway speeds safely (though I have flown at 80
       | mph before, down a hill in neutral, that was terrifying), you
       | have to bleed the brakes once every two months or she will try to
       | kill you.. and she's unapologetically mine, for fear of the guilt
       | I would incur if i sold her to someone that she accidentally ends
       | up killing and my undying love for a car that usually got me to
       | where i need to be (12 mpg, 91 oct).
        
       | porknubbins wrote:
       | I love this because I just realized pretty much all my vehicles
       | small engine equipment have quirks that they only start up if you
       | know the correct procedure, yet I consider them to be 100%
       | working. Not to mention my pc's boot menu which defaults to a
       | dead operating system after 10 seconds, that I have been too lazy
       | to figure out how to reorder.
        
       | rob74 wrote:
       | Great article! Makes me wonder if in 40 years people will write
       | about how to (not) get an old Tesla Roadster or BMW i3 going
       | again? Although, rather than pumping the acceleration 4 times to
       | get enough gas into the engine so it will start, that will
       | probably begin with hacking the car's system so it allows you to
       | start it...
        
         | technothrasher wrote:
         | I've been saying for a while now, there will be no more
         | 'classic cars' starting after the mid-1990's because of the
         | failure of electronic parts that will not be able to be
         | replaced. The best that will happen is people using the shells
         | to 'restomod' them into new cars that look old. Even today,
         | it's much easier for a beginner to buy a broken 1970's car and
         | get it running than a broken 1990's car.
        
           | dclowd9901 wrote:
           | You underestimate the enthusiasts. I just recently bought a
           | refurbished "distance system" computer (aka cruise control
           | ecu) for my 89 325i. I have, on order, an original head unit
           | with blue tooth retrofitted.
           | 
           | Electronics won't be the Achilles heel of old cars. Gasoline
           | will be. But make no mistake. Old electric vehicles with
           | their max 10-year life span of battery banks won't enjoy the
           | life of a classic either.
        
           | userbinator wrote:
           | The aftermarket for mid-century American cars is huge.
        
         | bshep wrote:
         | as a guess it would go something like this:
         | 
         | step 1. prepare a usb with files needed to jailbreak the car
         | and be able to connect to your wifi
         | 
         | step 2. setup a home network with dns/ntp and a reverse
         | engineered tesla server that will authorize the car to work
         | 
         | step 3 set date to reasonable values that the car will accept
         | 
         | step 4 do some button dances to start the car from the usb
         | 
         | ...
         | 
         | ill leave the rest to your imagination
        
           | BizarroLand wrote:
           | You will also need a Raspberry Pi 19 and a GSM transmit
           | module to impersonate the old-timey cell towers they used to
           | use. You can purchase one for about $3 or so and run this
           | script...
        
             | StillBored wrote:
             | After you have hand built a new battery that fits it, built
             | a LCD shim to connect to whatever the latest standard is,
             | etc.
             | 
             | Older cars are simpler, both in total, as in the
             | requirements to retrofit replacement parts. Your average
             | machine shop/etc will be able to keep that 914 running for
             | the next hundred years. And when they stop selling gas, you
             | can convert it to run on everclear.
        
               | mjhagen wrote:
               | Well, with the battery breakthrough of 2034 old Tesla's
               | will run on two double-A's for 1000 miles.
        
       | herodotus wrote:
       | Brilliant!
        
       | unnouinceput wrote:
       | "Thank you for all the tips, but they won't be necessary. I'll
       | just come with my tow truck, and get it up and I'm gone in 60
       | seconds. This vintage gem will fetch a great price once restored
       | properly.
       | 
       | Signed, The Thief"
        
       | swamp40 wrote:
       | Fantastic writing.
       | 
       | A lot of 1970's manual transmission cars were like this. I had an
       | early 70's AMC Gremlin. The shift knob was just a vertical
       | rectangular rod. The transmission linkage were two parallel
       | horizontal rods with a notch cut in each. The vertical rod just
       | floated between these, and you had to pull left or right and
       | slide back or forth until you found one of the notches - then
       | once you were engaged, you could push or pull the linkage to go
       | into a gear. When the knob drifted, you really had to have a
       | visual in your head of where the notches were and what gear you
       | where in.
        
       | ho_schi wrote:
       | It always entertaining when Americans speaking about manual
       | transmissions as something mysterious. It is not, feet on pedal,
       | switch, feet from pedal. Europeans are surprised seeing you
       | manipulating the wipers to control the transmission.
       | 
       | I consider personally most automatic transmissions horrible. The
       | gear is either to high to overtake or so low that the engine is
       | running with too much RPM. The only exception is the gear-less
       | Multitronic[1] by Audi. Sadly replaced by DSG. Nasty rumors say
       | VW did that because the Multitronic had no more issues and worked
       | well ;)
       | 
       | The DSG works somehow and the shifting is somehow acceptable. The
       | automatic transmission Ford uses (e.g. C-Max) is horror for the
       | driver, passengers and the engine. Adventurous people may proceed
       | to double-clutching[2].
       | 
       | [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multitronic
       | 
       | [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_clutch_(technique)
        
         | foobarian wrote:
         | > Europeans are surprised seeing you manipulating the wipers to
         | control the transmission.
         | 
         | That is nothing new to a true European. Look up the Renault 4
         | shifter :-)
        
         | repiret wrote:
         | I'm in the US and prefer manual transmissions, but I have to
         | admit that the 6-8 speed automatic transmissions that have
         | become popular in the last 5-10 years pretty much solves the
         | "always in the wrong gear" problem that the 3-4 speed automatic
         | transmissions of years past had.
        
         | vincentmarle wrote:
         | Manual transmissions are great for anti-theft protection ;)
        
         | systemvoltage wrote:
         | > It always entertaining when Americans speaking about manual
         | transmissions as something mysterious.
         | 
         | It is always entertaining to see European exceptionalism
         | schooling up people in car forums. Please tell us about diesel
         | engines too!
        
           | ho_schi wrote:
           | Sorry my friend. I'm preferring gasoline ;)
        
             | [deleted]
        
         | masklinn wrote:
         | > It always entertaining when Americans speaking about manual
         | transmissions as something mysterious.
         | 
         | The car in question is at least 45 years old. That the
         | transmission was never great and has degraded since is not at
         | all odd. At no point did I see ragging on a manual, only the
         | transmission being shot (and having a weird pattern).
        
         | BoorishBears wrote:
         | Most automatic transmissions are horrible because most cars are
         | horrible.
         | 
         | Good cars have good transmissions, regardless of transmission
         | style.
         | 
         | The ZF8 is an excellent transmission that's seen everywhere.
         | 
         | PDK does justice to the most performant modern Porsches in a
         | way that manuals struggle to keep up with.
         | 
         | Even relatively small volume DCTs like the one in the 4C are
         | pretty great these days.
        
           | ho_schi wrote:
           | ZF8 seems to be used by Audi only for cars sold in America?
           | 
           | btw. ZF means Zahnradfabrik Friedrichshafen. Which is owned
           | by the Zeppelin Foundation. Which was founded to support the
           | built of Zeppelin Luftschiffe and social purposes. Weird
           | story. And the Zeppelin Foundation was for a long time owner
           | of Cherry. The company behind most mechanical keyboard
           | switches. They should've kept that, growing business area -
           | mechanical switches ;)
        
             | prova_modena wrote:
             | It's been used by numerous manufacturers in addition to
             | Audi, including BMW and seemingly every FCA/Stellantis
             | brand. I've driven a BMW 5 series fitted with one and I can
             | confirm it's a great transmission that is smooth and
             | capable during normal driving, but has reasonable
             | sportiness when required.
             | 
             | See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ZF_8HP_transmission
        
             | theluketaylor wrote:
             | The ZF8 is in plenty of euro Audis as well, but only the
             | big, expensive stuff since it's a longitudinal gearbox. The
             | more common, smaller Audis would be on the MQB transverse
             | platform that can't use the ZF8. And Audi has been using a
             | dual clutch on some of their lower-end MLB cars.
             | 
             | Anything A6/Q7 and up is a ZF8 if it's an automatic.
        
             | BoorishBears wrote:
             | Now would not be a great time to be in that area when
             | "knockoff" switches have pretty much out-innovated Cherry
             | into irrelevance
             | 
             | But that aside, as other comments point out the ZF8 is not
             | Audi specific, Plenty of non-M car BMWs use it, and even
             | heavy duty pick up trucks are running with ZF8s now
        
         | imglorp wrote:
         | Sometimes double clutching helps with old American boxes.
         | German ones have always been temperamental, compared to shaking
         | a bag of wrenches.
         | 
         | Japanese ones have always been smooth and fun.
         | 
         | Source: I taught three teenagers to drive stick recently, and
         | there are still teeth on the gears. Yay me!
        
       | LinuxBender wrote:
       | I get                 Error code: SSL_ERROR_UNSAFE_NEGOTIATION
       | 
       | Qualys also detects that this is disabled. I would like to see
       | the page as I like older cars.
        
         | jerf wrote:
         | A surprisingly apt error, really, given the article.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | dpedu wrote:
         | Try using archive.org or another one of the various web archive
         | sites.
         | 
         | https://web.archive.org/web/20220401144722/https://www.hager...
        
       | nes350 wrote:
       | https://web.archive.org/web/20220401144722/https://www.hager...
        
       | softwarebeware wrote:
       | What an awesome read! It brought back some nostalgia. In high
       | school, I owned a 1976 Datsun 280Z which had some, shall we say,
       | electrical problems. The ignition went out but somehow I had
       | ascertained that by placing the blade of a screwdriver across two
       | fuses it would (for mysterious reasons) turn the starter over and
       | that was the only way to start the car.
        
       | jamroom wrote:
       | As someone who drove a 1972 Westfalia for ~10 years this had me
       | laughing to myself multiple times in agreement.
        
         | warmwaffles wrote:
         | Same here, but with a 1972 BMW. My brake vacuum booster never
         | worked so it is like stomping on a rock. On a cold day you had
         | to feather the throttle, clutch, and brake at the same time
         | until it got warm. I live in a warm climate so it's been tuned
         | to idle well on a hot Texas summer day.
        
         | Finnucane wrote:
         | I was gonna say, I took a long road trip in a 1971 VW microbus
         | and this was triggering some memories. Especially the
         | description of finding the gears!
        
           | jamroom wrote:
           | Yes the gears! The amount of "play" in the gearbox was
           | insane. Couple that with the like 3 foot long stick handle
           | and IN GEAR I could wiggle the stick in a like foot wide
           | circle.
           | 
           | Once you had driven it for a while you got to know the "feel"
           | of it and had no problems, but like in the article someone
           | new to driving it would have had a really hard time lol.
        
             | floren wrote:
             | My 1985 Jeep CJ-7 is similar... I can be rolling down the
             | road in 3rd gear and the gear knob will occasionally start
             | oscillating in a 4-inch circle all on its own.
        
             | Finnucane wrote:
             | Someone new to driving now probably doesn't even know what
             | a gear stick is.
        
       | TacticalCoder wrote:
       | Don't know why this is top post: there must be some petrolheads
       | on HN.
       | 
       | This resonates with me: I've got an old, kinda beaten up,
       | "sister" of that 914: an old Porsche 911. I've got it since 22
       | years and it's 33 years old atm (so 2/3rd of its life with me).
       | Over the decades I only ever put oil and gasoline in that thing
       | (ok, ok, the fuel pump died once and it was a 100 EUR part).
       | Every single time I hook the battery up, it starts... While doing
       | some blue smoke, granted. Although back from 1999 to 2004 I drove
       | this beauty daily, since 2004 it's a garage queen: a piece of art
       | that hardly ever hits the road. It's also prevented from seeing
       | _any_ kind of water: no rain water, no cleaning water (I much
       | rather scratch the paint a tiny bit with microfibers towels and
       | "dry cleaning" detailers or whatnots than risk having water
       | idling for months in some sneaky spot and create corrosion).
       | 
       | Original paint (hardly anyone still has this). First clutch (yup:
       | same clutch since 33 years): this one is so rare it's actually
       | problematic because my MY has a clutch that's not made anymore
       | and there's some modification that needs to be done... But not a
       | single mechanic know anymore what needs to be done to adapt a
       | "still made" clutch on mine (basically a 1988/1989 clutch _will
       | not_ work on a 1987 if the 1987 is still on its first clutch for
       | it hasn 't seen the mandatory mod done). Tires are from... 2004
       | (yes it's illegal and, no, I don't care seen how I drive it).
       | About twice a year, on a non-rainy day, the old lady starts and
       | goes for a drive around the block at 20 mph. And then back into
       | the garage.
       | 
       | One day I should probably have it restored: the problem is these
       | old Porsche engines (all 911 pre the 993 model) are notorious for
       | their long bolts breaking when trying to adjust the timing. So a
       | restoration means taking the engine out. That'd set me $10K
       | easily I think with all that needs to be done.
       | 
       | And in the end I'll have a polluting gas-guzzler which I'll feel
       | bad using anyway.
       | 
       | No really: old cars are also great as art pieces that hardly ever
       | go out.
       | 
       | Some people like to collect them, others like to drive them,
       | others like to restore them (met a gentleman the other day whose
       | passion was neither driving nor collecting but restoring
       | incredible cars). I'm sure some even like to _write_ about them!
       | 
       | And don't get me started on my even crankiest old italian car!
       | (this one won't shift into 2nd when the gearbox is cold, so it's
       | 1st to 3rd gear during the first x minutes of driving... But
       | being italian, of course, it's not starting anymore and needs to
       | go see a mechanic).
       | 
       | As I'm a recovering petrolhead I begin to see these more and more
       | as art pieces: weird remnants of an insanely dangerous (and
       | polluting) past.
        
         | orangepurple wrote:
         | As a tribute to your memories of driving an older Porsche 911
         | properly:
         | 
         | The Porsche 911 Yellow Bird 50fps hot lap around the
         | Nurburgring: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzjQXxktxbs
        
       | jacquesm wrote:
       | Very recognizable :) I had a Citroen DS that had locks that were
       | so bad that it was pointless to try to lock it, and getting it
       | started required 10 steps or so and getting one wrong meant you
       | weren't driving that day (or at least, not until the excess fuel
       | had evaporated away again).
       | 
       | Probably more secure than the class-5 alarm on my current car :)
        
       | ehnto wrote:
       | Speaking of security through obscurity, my car is a 96 Nissan and
       | it's had a few attempts on it. It's easy enough to steal, but
       | it's getting hard enough for me to find replacement parts that
       | I'd be surprised if thieves have everything, so I take some bits
       | of the car with me if it's sitting for a while.
       | 
       | I have a quick release wheel to deter the average opportunist
       | from breaking my glass and ignition barrel, and with some wiring
       | trickery and the bits I remove it's never going to start. It's
       | aftermarket enough that stock parts won't help the thief, so
       | unless they have a laptop, an aftermarket ECU, and a tuner handy,
       | they probably won't get far.
       | 
       | Sucks to have to bother with all that, but alarms have never
       | helped me, and you just can't fix woeful 90s physical security.
       | 
       | One attempt on my car was only foiled because when I park up at
       | my girlfriends house, I remove some 90s era fuses you can't get
       | anymore and take the box covers with me. A paperclip would work,
       | but you've got to figure out that the specific fuses are missing
       | first.
       | 
       | It's not about being perfect when it comes to car security, it's
       | about being too much of a pain in the ass, so they'll give up and
       | move on. Just like bicycle security.
        
         | berkes wrote:
         | My 83 VW T3 was attempted to be stolen once. But, like the
         | author, my bus leaks some power. So I too installed a switch
         | that just disconnects the battery.
         | 
         | It isn't hidden or super secret. Just adds extra work and time
         | for someone probably being stressed out already.
         | 
         | A friends' T3 was left in the middle of the road, because her
         | gearbox was broken-ish and finding the reverse a learned skill.
         | Halfway through turning her bus, thieves just gave up. She
         | found her car perpendicular to the road in the morning.
        
         | dclowd9901 wrote:
         | Contrarily I've made mine incredibly easy to steal but fit it
         | with a hidden gps so I can get it back before it's stripped to
         | nothing.
        
         | protomyth wrote:
         | _It 's not about being perfect when it comes to car security,
         | it's about being too much of a pain in the ass, so they'll give
         | up and move on._
         | 
         | Yeah, my Dad had a Ford F-100 that had a gear shift that would
         | come out. He drove it to work and took the gear shift inside
         | and left it in his locker. Not the best location (a town in
         | Oregon in the 70's), but he never had any trouble with someone
         | stealing his ride out of the parking lot. I still remember the
         | sound of the gas sloshing in the tank behind the seat.
        
           | city41 wrote:
           | Nowadays it seems just having a manual transmission is enough
           | to deter most thieves. I once took my car to get the oil
           | changed and I had to drive it into and out of the bay as no
           | employee knew how.
        
       | kstrauser wrote:
       | My first car was a 68 Mustang, which was a gorgeous heap of junk.
       | At one point, the clutch just completely gave up and wedged
       | itself in the "engaged" position. To get the car moving, I had to
       | kill the engine, put it in 1st gear, and turn the key to run the
       | starter. This pulled the whole car into enough motion to get the
       | engine going, then I could synchro shift all I wanted until it
       | came time to stop again. For that cursed month, I got very good
       | at finding routes that didn't involve stop lights or long lines
       | of slow moving traffic.
        
         | bombcar wrote:
         | I had a car where the shifter broke to the automatic
         | transmission - it was simple enough to bypass the neutral
         | safety switch and then I could just leave it in Drive all the
         | time. Just had to make sure if parking to park on an incline if
         | I wanted to be able to roll back out of the parking space.
         | 
         | Eventually I cut a hole in the floor and welded a shifter
         | direct to the transmission.
        
           | alhirzel wrote:
           | Related to this, one of my stories about turning a car
           | off.... I was a misguided youth rebuilding a Subaru that sat
           | in a field for a long time. It had many problems, but
           | overhauling the engine solved all of them (or so I had
           | naively planned). I remember the first drive I took with it
           | after getting plates on it. Right after filling the tank for
           | the first time, I went to Taco Bell, bought a victory taco,
           | and went to a parking lot to look over my city and eat. When
           | I tried to shift into park, the cable snapped. Dejectedly, I
           | sat and ate the taco with my foot on the brake, warming the
           | ATF while I figured out what to do. Several factors stacked
           | against me, including that I lived on a hill, didn't have a
           | garage, the e-brake was rusted, and it was January in one of
           | the snowiest areas in Michigan (3-4ft snow banks in most
           | places). I knew the next time I flipped the car off would
           | really count, because I would have to hot wire the NSS or fix
           | the cable to get rolling again. Parking in the winter is a
           | huge problem too: you will get towed or fined for getting in
           | the way of snow removal. I ended up precariously "parking"
           | the car in drive near my house with a combination of gravity
           | and a snow bank. I set the ramps up, crossing my fingers that
           | they were spaced correctly and that I would succeed in
           | getting on them on the first try. It all worked out, and when
           | I finally turned the car off, I felt pretty intellectually
           | victorious.
        
           | kstrauser wrote:
           | I love it.
           | 
           | On the plus side, I learned so much about how cars work that
           | I can fix a lot of things now. My personal peak was going
           | from "uh-oh, the alternator on the Oldsmobile died" to having
           | replaced it with a new one from the store in 43 minutes.
        
             | bombcar wrote:
             | Old cars had an accessible amount of "troubleshooting"
             | available which greatly helps learn tinkering skills.
             | 
             | New cars are substantially more reliable, but that same
             | troubleshooting can be helpful but somewhat harder to learn
             | I feel.
        
               | js2 wrote:
               | Troubleshooting is a lot harder for a variety of reasons.
               | Things are hidden away under plastic panels, the vehicles
               | have a lot more electronics, and everything is fit into
               | much tighter spaces.
               | 
               | Still, between YouTube and enthusiast forums dedicated to
               | whatever model car it is, you can usually do a lot.
               | Typically if something goes wrong on your car, the same
               | thing has gone wrong to a lot of other folks with the
               | same car and someone has posted about it.
               | 
               | If you're handy enough and have the right tools, an
               | official manufacturer shop repair manual is what you
               | really want. (Chilton is better than nothing, but you
               | really want the manufacturer repair manual.)
               | 
               | But... some things are just a pain in the ass w/o a lift
               | and the right tools. Find a good independent mechanic for
               | older cars (easier said than done) or just take it to the
               | local dealer for cars still under warranty.
        
               | bombcar wrote:
               | Half the troubleshooting is being able to recognize and
               | describe the problem in such a way that you can search
               | for the solution. Knowing what "sluggish acceleration" is
               | vs "RPM limited at 3k" vs "cold-start no power" is half
               | the battle.
               | 
               | YouTube _is_ substantially better than the old Chilton
               | manuals and arguably some better than the manufacturer
               | repair manuals (many of which assume you have an entire
               | dealer shop 's worth of tools). A number of videos (and
               | even some of the Chilton manuals) will have variations on
               | the process that either avoid the specialized tool (at
               | perhaps a bit longer of a process) or a workaround that
               | greatly simplifies the process.
        
               | kstrauser wrote:
               | My dad had a good collection of tools, and I bought a
               | Chilton's manual from the shop. Between the two of them,
               | I basically had a years-long shop class with illustrated
               | instructions on doing basically any repair to a car. It
               | was a great way to learn some engineering skills, too:
               | once you learned how a part was meant to work, you could
               | better reason about how to repair or replace it. Jalopy
               | though it was, I loved learning how to fix it.
               | 
               | That said, although the barrier to learning is much
               | higher now, I appreciate that our Toyota never needs any
               | repairs of any kind. It just boringly starts and drives,
               | every day, in all conditions.
        
         | js2 wrote:
         | Hah, 68 Camaro here[1]. I had the clutch linkage fail on me
         | once in Miami Beach and managed to drive it all the way home to
         | South Miami w/o the clutch. My recollection was that I had to
         | push start it and managed to time all the traffic lights home
         | so I never came to a full stop.
         | 
         | I can't believe you managed to do that for a month.
         | 
         | 1. https://ibb.co/CMW3SdS (I sold it over a decade ago.)
        
           | kstrauser wrote:
           | I was broke! That was my only option, so I did what I had to
           | do. I lived in a much smaller city than you, though, so I
           | didn't have nearly the traffic to contend with.
           | 
           | Dopey young me with the car: https://imgur.com/a/hbRLpO2
        
       | roydivision wrote:
       | Wonderful piece of writing, thanks Norman Garrett.
        
       | mdoms wrote:
       | Hagerty is about the only automotive journalism left that's worth
       | reading and I am so grateful they are still around (and still
       | improving at a clip). I you have even a cursory interest in cars
       | their Youtube channel is excellent. Jason Cammisa joined then
       | Hagerty team last year and is now producing the absolute best car
       | content on the web.
       | 
       | I doubt anyone from Hagerty is reading this but genuinely thank
       | you for making the car content you do. Automotive journalism
       | sometimes feels like a dying industry but you give me hope.
        
       | incanus77 wrote:
       | I drive/maintain/am tortured by a 1985 VW Vanagon and so much of
       | this rings true. The variety of tricks, quirks, smells, sounds,
       | and special tools/rags/spots to hit just right to sustain a trip
       | down the road are surprisingly similar.
        
       | everybodyknows wrote:
       | > The dual Webers don't have chokes and you'll be squirting fuel
       | down the barrels with the accelerator pumps for the necessary
       | priming regime.
       | 
       | The engineering Puritan will want to know that the Webers are a
       | retrofit, a hack for escape from the factory's refractory -- but
       | cutting edge tech in the 70s! -- VW electronic fuel injection.
       | The EFI "brain" was a box the size of a small modern laptop,
       | stuffed with individual transistors, inductors, capacitors and
       | resistors.
       | 
       | No one in North America, it seemed, had any idea how to diagnose
       | an internal fault. The owner's options were to buy a secondhand
       | brain taken from a junked car, presumably there for some other
       | reason, or the Webers. Junkyard brains were refundable, but the
       | several hours installing, testing, and possibly uninstalling were
       | not, so careful deliberation was in order.
       | 
       | Access to the brain, like most engine compartment work on the
       | 914, demanded the sort of agility, strength, and determination
       | required of large-animal veterinarians, with access for most
       | tasks from underneath, wedged as it was in a sort of triangular
       | gap below and behind the seats and ahead of the rear trunk and
       | transmission.
        
         | StillBored wrote:
         | I think EFI overstates it a bit, while I guess true compared
         | with the mechanical fuel injection, it was an entirely analog
         | system.
         | 
         | https://bowlsby.net/914/Classic/zTN_Man06.pdf
        
         | winrid wrote:
         | I had to diagnose an issue with said brain on a car from 1982.
         | 
         | Previous owners could not figure out the issue. The car's
         | engine would rev "bounce" at idle like it had a big cam, but it
         | didn't go away when driving, making driving not very fun. So I
         | got the Scirocco for dirt cheap.
         | 
         | I realized on day that if you opened and closed the hood a
         | couple times, the issue would fix it self, and it was very
         | repeatable.
         | 
         | I realized the computer is mounted next to the hood hinge!
         | 
         | I got lucky and just blindly resoldering all the joints in the
         | computer fixed it.
         | 
         | We later swapped that 400k mile motor setup to a modern turbo
         | motor with a sequential gearbox, and it's a rally car now. :)
         | 
         | (not super important to story but the "ECU" from 1982 was a bit
         | more modern, Jetronic as it was called was "only" roughly the
         | size of a few old TI-82s).
        
           | drewzero1 wrote:
           | I love the K-Jetronic mechanical injection system in my '83
           | SAAB -- only because I've never had to mess with it very
           | much. Plus, unlike a lot of the more obscure things on that
           | car, the K-Jet system was also used on VWs, Porsches, and
           | Mercedes, so there's a lot of info out there.
           | 
           | A lot of this article rings true for cars I've had (and some
           | I still have) but I tend toward cars that are simpler
           | mechanically and tend to fail more fundamentally: the keys
           | all lock fine but the suspension mounts all rust out. This
           | year has been an exercise in chasing leaks (gas, brake fluid,
           | coolant, and now ATF) between my two daily classics. All I
           | need is power steering fluid and I can complete the whole
           | set!
        
         | adingus wrote:
         | The VW EFI actually works really well when it works! Late 70s
         | VW buses and bugs are some of the nicest to drive around in
         | because of the EFI.
        
       | HeyLaughingBoy wrote:
       | > starter is too weak to crank the clutch-transmission input
       | shaft assembly with any success
       | 
       | [giggle] This reminds me of putting my Toyota 4x4 (Hilux) in
       | 4-Low, First gear, pressing the Clutch Start Cancel switch and
       | turning the ignition key, making it an electric vehicle for a few
       | seconds. The starter was powerful enough to move the truck uphill
       | in that gear on its own until the engine started.
        
       | cameronh90 wrote:
       | This story reminded me of the time I was trying to exploit a web
       | app as part of a bounty programme.
       | 
       | Unfortunately the application was so unstable that any attempts
       | to SQLI, or really send any kind of malformed request would
       | simply crash the entire site for hours, presumably until an admin
       | came and restarted the server. DoS wasn't included in the
       | programme so I never won a bounty. I'm sure it could have been
       | exploited, but it was simply so rickety and shoddy that I
       | couldn't figure out how.
       | 
       | Security through instability?
        
         | JasonFruit wrote:
         | The application denies access to intruders by successfully
         | ceasing to function.
        
         | remram wrote:
         | I feel like there's an analogue to the CAP theorem for code,
         | where you can have an un-exploitable application if you don't
         | need it to keep running in the presence of unusual requests.
         | 
         | Secure, Available, Unattended, choose any 2? You can have a
         | secure&available app but you need to keep patching it. You can
         | have an available&unattended app but it won't be secure. Or you
         | can have a secure&unattended app, it will just need to crash a
         | lot.
        
           | hinkley wrote:
           | Available and Unattended are the same thing. The third value
           | is 'Cheap'.
           | 
           | You want unattended servers? Fine. You want someone not to be
           | able to steal the keys from a backup? We can do that too. You
           | want the servers to be able to restart at 2 am without
           | getting someone out of bed to come type a passphrase into a
           | console on each server?
           | 
           | HSMs were quite expensive. People made any number of attempts
           | to make them cheap and found out why they aren't (Ari Shamir
           | has entered the chat), often a Too Good to be True scenario.
        
         | Sohcahtoa82 wrote:
         | At a previous job, I had to do a penetration test on a
         | platform, and I had the same thing. Any SQL errors would just
         | crash the back end entirely and I'd have to wait for them to
         | bring it back up manually, which could take a long time since I
         | was on the US West coast and they were based in the UK.
         | 
         | Among all the other security issues they had (easily gained a
         | root shell via template injection, multiple XSS issues, CSRF,
         | basically everything in the OWASP Top 10), to call their
         | security posture Swiss cheese would be an understatement.
         | 
         | A couple months after my test, the entire project was scrapped.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | jiggawatts wrote:
         | I once took out the internal telephony network of a large
         | bank's head office through simply scanning the network for
         | devices. They weren't tracking IP addresses (or anything) in
         | any form of database or even a spreadsheet, and I was tasked
         | with finding and updating every device on a particular network.
         | I used nmap and simply did a subnet scan to find anything that
         | would respond on common ports.
         | 
         | It all went down in a heap and I felt very guilty for a few
         | minutes until I realised that this infrastructure was so
         | fantastically unstable that a TCP half-open (just a SYN
         | packet!) could kill it stone dead. That's not _my_ fault.
         | 
         | You can't blame the postman if knocking on the front door
         | demolishes your building.
        
         | DonHopkins wrote:
         | Reminds me of the time at Sun when I tried to use XBugTool to
         | report a bug against itself, and it got extremely angry at me,
         | and trapped my input focus in the bug description text editor,
         | where I vented my frustration.
         | 
         | http://www.art.net/~hopkins/Don/unix-haters/x-windows/xbugto...
        
       | atarian wrote:
       | The ending was great. Impressive that a thief actually got that
       | far.
        
       | DocG wrote:
       | Not loading to me anymore
       | https://web.archive.org/web/20220401144722/https://www.hager...
        
       | eyelidlessness wrote:
       | I think my 87 Jetta (purchased in 2002, died and abandoned
       | 2000ish miles or so moving 3000 miles US coast to coast) very
       | closely resembled these remarks. Of course no one wanted to steal
       | it. But I appreciate the author's portrayal! And it was a really
       | fun weird way to feel like I've owned a Porsche!
        
       | aplkorex wrote:
       | THANK YOU for this! It's been a while since I've laughed out loud
       | while reading an article on the web. As an owner of an ancient
       | Land Rover, I feel this, physically.
       | 
       | Excellent writing.
        
       | AdrianB1 wrote:
       | 20 years ago I lived in an area considered not very safe; the guy
       | in the apartment below was a cop and thieves broke into his car
       | twice and in his house once. I had an older car, so I always left
       | it unlocked, including the trunk: no problem. I also had a
       | motorcycle that I left with the key in the ignition a few times,
       | so various neighbors brought me the key a few times until they
       | learned to leave it there. These were probably the only vehicles
       | in the entire block of flats that were not touched by thieves -
       | maybe they checked the trunk of the car a few times, found
       | nothing interesting and left. The car was not worth stealing, the
       | bike was not easy to ride.
        
       | gkoberger wrote:
       | This is one of my favorite styles of writing. I have absolutely
       | no clue what this person is talking about and have no interest in
       | cars, yet I read every single word.
       | 
       | I love when people have such a deep knowledge of something that
       | they can write an essay as unique and thoughtful as this. It
       | reminds me of Kitchen Confidential, Surely You're Joking Mr
       | Feynman!, or any rant about British politics by David Mitchell.
        
         | oh_sigh wrote:
         | No one mentioned yet I think, but it makes sense he has this
         | deep passion about a car. From his bio:
         | 
         | > Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original
         | Miata back in his days at Mazda's Southern California Design
         | Studio
        
         | theluketaylor wrote:
         | On the flip side, I know a ton about cars and actually own a
         | german sports car of roughly this vintage and this rings
         | incredibly true (and also hilarious). My car can't be locked
         | due to fear of it never opening again, starting the engine
         | requires a delicate balance of the right amount of throttle and
         | prayers the battery has enough charge, and selecting first is a
         | preposterous mixture of a delicate ballet and sledgehammering
         | it home.
         | 
         | The fact this essay works for someone with limited domain
         | knowledge and someone with lots is a testament to the quality
         | of writing.
        
           | rcrestomods wrote:
           | Easily my favorite essay of the year. Unique, informative and
           | casual in the way sitting around a table listening to an
           | engaging guest tell tales and the visualization works
           | immediately. Count me among the fans of this piece and
           | author.
        
           | KennyBlanken wrote:
           | On the actual flip side, there are plenty of people who
           | properly maintain vintage sports cars instead of just talking
           | about how much they know about them.
           | 
           | I get that door handles and lock cylinders are often made of
           | easily-broken pot metal, but most owner communities have
           | figured out solutions, or just live a little and recognize
           | that a locksmith can easily get you into almost any vintage
           | car if necessary.
           | 
           | The starting problems mean your engine is poorly
           | tuned/maintained, battery issues are bad wiring or
           | undiagnosed parasitic drain (or just buy a battery
           | maintainer, dude), and thinking "my first gear syncro is worn
           | or my shift linkage isn't properly adjusted, I should mash
           | the shit out of it" are purely owner error / strongly
           | counter-indicate "I know a ton about cars."
        
             | fhood wrote:
             | Hahaha, even on old muscle cars with good parts
             | availability, and only 4 moving parts in the first place,
             | something is virtually always broken. Keeping a german car
             | of this era functioning is a sisyphean task.
        
               | hef19898 wrote:
               | Never fully broken, never fully repaired.
        
             | The-Bus wrote:
             | I think a faculty at a Motorsports Engineering School
             | probably knows how to maintain vintage sports cars. Just
             | because they own the car does not mean they need to
             | maintain it.
             | 
             | This is also a humor article.
        
             | kelnos wrote:
             | I think this guy's bona-fides are pretty solid, though:
             | 
             | > _Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original
             | Miata back in his days at Mazda's Southern California
             | Design Studio. He currently teaches automotive engineering
             | classes at UNC-C's Motorsports Engineering Department in
             | Charlotte, North Carolina and curates his small collection
             | of dysfunctional automobiles and motorcycles._
             | 
             | I imagine some of this was written tongue-in-cheek: the
             | problems are probably not as bad as described, and/or the
             | problems are things that have been wrong with the car at
             | some point, but have mostly been fixed, and he's writing
             | about it as if all the problems exist at once for
             | entertainment value.
             | 
             | Or it's all true as it is, and that's just life, because
             | people don't always have 100 spare hours to fix all the
             | problems present on a car of that age. Maybe you do (how
             | lucky for you!), but it's a bit uncharitable to throw shade
             | at someone else.
        
               | S_A_P wrote:
               | I agree. I imagine a lot of this is hyperbole rooted in
               | truth. As I have gotten older and had more of an interest
               | in doing my own wrenching I realize half the battle is
               | having the right tools for the job. In most cases that
               | means a good way to lift your vehicle (would love a real
               | lift in my garage) and the appropriate tools to remove or
               | reinstall various items in the car. Having this can mean
               | the difference between a nightmare or relatively easy
               | job. Of course all bets are off if you live where they
               | salt roads in the winter.
               | 
               | Edit. Also not being afraid to remove any and all panels
               | required to access something also helps tremendously. So
               | If you own an Audi be prepared to remove the front clip
               | of the car. Google Audi service position for the hairy
               | details.
        
               | ethbr0 wrote:
               | And having a second, drivable car. ;)
               | 
               | But I think hobbyist vintage wrenching shares a lot with
               | software feature design: you _could_ do anything, but the
               | real objective is to maximize fun-per-time-spent.
               | Otherwise, you 're working another full time job as a
               | professional mechanic for your cars.
               | 
               | And besides, there's something elegant about getting a
               | rat rod to work. :-)
        
             | NickRandom wrote:
             | From the end of the article ..
             | 
             |  _Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original
             | Miata back in his days at Mazda's Southern California
             | Design Studio. He currently teaches automotive engineering
             | classes at UNC-C's Motorsports Engineering Department in
             | Charlotte, North Carolina and curates his small collection
             | of dysfunctional automobiles and motorcycles._
             | 
             | I'm fairly certain that he knows how to 'fix stuff'
        
             | theluketaylor wrote:
             | The locks are stupidly expensive, like $1000 a door. I'd
             | rather just not lock it. The starting issues are due to the
             | carb needing a rebuild. It's on my list, but there are
             | bigger fish to fry. The battery is due to it being a former
             | race car with a tiny, super light battery. It's only
             | designed to crank the engine a few times before it's dead
             | to save weight. 1st gear in non-syncro, so it's for sure
             | not that. It's likely the linkage, but that's a big job and
             | won't be worth doing for a few years along with a few other
             | things at the same time.
             | 
             | It's a cheap vintage car that isn't worth spending any real
             | money on. I could pour $40,000 into getting into concours
             | shape, but it would only add 2-3 grand worth of value.
             | Instead I drive and enjoy it.
        
               | hef19898 wrote:
               | Good to see there other vintage cars, dare I say, lovers
               | out there that see things that way. Mine is a 1982 Range
               | Rover, bought like almost 4 years ago before people
               | started to ask absurd prices for those.
               | 
               | It's leaking oil from the oil cooler thermostat, the
               | gearbox and started a while ago leaking from the
               | transmission break. Oh, and the rear diff pinion is
               | leaking, too. The 3.5 l V8, basically a Buick 215
               | allumium small block running on dual carbs, needs some
               | gentle treatment before firing up. It usually does, a
               | slight carb rebuild and calibrating really helped. The
               | gearbox is more suited to a tractor and has all of four
               | gears. The rear windows don't work and the upper tailgate
               | doesn't close on its lock but uses two outside locks on
               | each side.
               | 
               | It is rust free so, noise levels are acceptable below 110
               | km/h and she's a beast off road. Yes, I drive her in the
               | intended environment, regularly.
               | 
               | I have hopes to get her finally done in the next 1, 2
               | years. And I love this rolling restauration thing. Only
               | was close to selling her once, until I figured out I
               | reassembled the choke wrong and drove fuel consumption up
               | to 30 l per 100 km.
        
           | tuatoru wrote:
           | > selecting first is a preposterous mixture of a delicate
           | ballet and sledgehammering it home.
           | 
           | Double declutching is a lost art, it seems.
           | 
           | It involved moving the shifter into neutral, revving the
           | engine still in neutral, and clutching and shifting into the
           | gear when the RPMs were "right". Skilled double-declutchers
           | could shift nearly as quickly as ordinary drivers with
           | syncromesh.
           | 
           | Common in older cars when I was young, in the proterozoic.
           | 
           | 1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_clutch_(technique)
        
             | vasco wrote:
             | You can do a similar thing in motorcycles by rev-matching,
             | this way you don't even need to pull the clutch to switch
             | gears.
        
         | Semaphor wrote:
         | > I have absolutely no clue what this person is talking about
         | and have no interest in cars, yet I read every single word.
         | 
         | I was about to write more or less the same thing. I can barely
         | drive and never owned a car, but this article was beautiful.
        
         | skeeter2020 wrote:
         | If you love this style and want something intentionally
         | ridiculous check out the various writings at
         | https://www.mcsweeneys.net/
        
           | cpfohl wrote:
           | This also reminded me of this delightful piece of writing:
           | https://forums.anandtech.com/threads/why-the-police-dont-
           | pat...
           | 
           | I can't find the original, but the copy there is exactly what
           | I remembered.
        
             | hallway_monitor wrote:
             | That was some of the best storytelling I have ever read.
             | Wow.
        
               | cpfohl wrote:
               | Reading this out loud is incredibly difficult. Discovered
               | it in my Sophomore year of College, and it took my two
               | roommates and I about 45 minutes to read through the
               | whole thing out loud because we were laughing so hard.
        
             | emilsedgh wrote:
             | Haven't had such a laugh for a while. Thanks!
        
             | chernevik wrote:
             | "'It's just a bunny', they all say" -- Tim the Wizard
        
         | rootsudo wrote:
         | It's quite fun, but anyone can pick it up in a few days if you
         | join a few great Car forums that remain, or, ick, facebook
         | groups and reddit groups. The discord groups are more of casual
         | conversation and making fun of each other/new people who are
         | trying to DIY.
         | 
         | The BMW car forum is good, bimmerforums.com. Pelicanpart forum
         | is good. BMW/Porsche GrassrootMotorsports is good. General
         | racing, falls back to bmw/porsche/corvette/mazda Miata.net is
         | fantastic. Corvette forums are great, but I can't recall them
         | now. Subaru Forum is fantastic, humour though is needed.
         | NASIOC.com priuschat is great, though it goes quite different
         | from above forums. Tesla forums are good, but I can't recall
         | any off the top of my hand. And then landcruiser ones,
         | wrangler/jeep ones, etc.
         | 
         | The more less hobby a car is, the decrease in quality in forum
         | posts, not that a corolla is a bad car per se, or even a
         | camry/accord. It's just, different folks for different hobbies.
         | 
         | Spend a week on there, and you'll learn the lingo (it's
         | universal throughout cars, especially per car
         | generation/period, 70's/80's/90's,etc)
         | 
         | Then you also have other motorsports too, motorcycles and even
         | planes, which share the same sentiment. Pilot chat/bicker is
         | very similar. ;)
        
           | robohoe wrote:
           | Rennlist is huge in Porsche world.
        
           | technothrasher wrote:
           | This is all true, but one needs to be aware that these forums
           | are also chock full of "forum folklore". You'll get all kinds
           | of advice and lecturing which is driven by what has been
           | posted before rather than what matches reality.
           | 
           | Mixing DOT-5 brake fluid with DOT-3/4 is always a fun one.
           | Folklore is that it will poison children and kill puppies.
           | Reality is that they are, by law, compatible and mixing won't
           | do anything more than create a fluid with unknown boiling
           | points, but this is true of mixing any two brake fluids (and
           | it is true DOT-5 is not compatible with ABS brake systems,
           | but that's a separate point).
           | 
           | Pretty much anything to do with turbos is another fun one, as
           | many folks have no idea how turbos work but have lots of
           | opinions on tuning them.
           | 
           | Anyway, the point is that the comradery is great on these
           | forums, they're a lot of fun, and you can find good info, but
           | don't take any info on them as gospel.
        
             | hef19898 wrote:
             | Getting the proper workshop manuals really helps!
        
         | throwaway0a5e wrote:
         | Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone that
         | doesn't have similar depth in the same subject matter.
         | 
         | The author could be bullshitting (he's not) but how would
         | anyone who's not driven vehicles that are decades beyond their
         | design life know?
        
           | travisjungroth wrote:
           | > but how would anyone who's not driven vehicles that are
           | decades beyond their design life know?
           | 
           | By trusting someone who has. Either trust a specific person
           | or believe there is someone in the crowd who would say
           | something.
        
           | Johnny555 wrote:
           | _how would anyone who 's not driven vehicles that are decades
           | beyond their design life know_
           | 
           | I think you just need to have driven a car from that era to
           | understand this post and believe it -- the car doesn't
           | neccessarily need to be that old. I had a '77 Civic in 1982
           | and it had many of these same "features" as his Porsche - any
           | key (or screwdriver) could open the door or turn the
           | ignition, it had a manual choke lever installed because the
           | automatic choke didn't work, there was an art to pumping the
           | gas pedal before starting in cold weather (there was a fine
           | line between being able to start and flooding it), there was
           | no clutch interlock (or it was broken) to prevent starting
           | the car in gear, and a bunch of other quirks similar to his.
           | 
           | And it was only 5 years old.
           | 
           | edit: And the oil use! I'd forgotten about that until reading
           | his post, I used to carry a few jugs of oil in the trunk
           | since the car was using almost a quart per fillup, and many
           | gas stations kept a display case of oil out by the pumps so
           | you could easily buy a quart if you needed it. My current 7
           | year old car doesn't use any noticeable amount of oil between
           | ~8000 mile oil changes.
        
             | pwg wrote:
             | > I think you just need to have driven a car from that era
             | to understand this post and believe it
             | 
             | Yes, indeed. My first car when I turned 16 was a well
             | beaten 1971 Cadillac that had it's share of rust and the
             | like. The author's description of the gas pedal ballet for
             | starting his 914 reminded me of a similar situation with
             | that old Cadillac. For a cold start, all was normal, pump
             | once to set choke and start.
             | 
             | But, for a warm start, one had to hold the pedal down /just
             | the right amount off idle/ or else it would not start up
             | for most attempts. And of course for a semi-warm start
             | there was a decision process of "is it cold enough to need
             | the choke, or warm enough to only need the "slightly off
             | idle" setting". One got a "feel" for just what to do after
             | a bit of time with it and it became no-big-deal, but for
             | anyone new, the whole ballet would have been a very
             | frustrating experience.
             | 
             | When it finally was retired and I upgraded to a car with a
             | fuel injected engine, and no need to touch the gas pedal
             | for any start, hot, cold or warm, a whole era of "being in
             | tune with the car" disappeared.
        
             | wingspar wrote:
             | No clutch interlock can be useful. Had a friend growing up
             | who's dad would use the starter and first gear to move his
             | Datsun out of traffic when it stopped running.
        
               | hyperdimension wrote:
               | He might have been the first to convert a Datsun to
               | electric!
        
           | a4isms wrote:
           | I don't disagree with you, but I'm not sure I worry about it.
           | 
           | The article is presented as a letter to a car thief, a
           | preposterous proposition right up front. It is not presented
           | as a repair guide or an "evaluate whether a 914 is worth
           | buying" guide, so it's really only of interest for
           | entertainment and nostalgia purposes.
           | 
           | There's literally zero chance I'll ever be in a conversation
           | with someone and say aloud "Oh, Porsche owners call this
           | Neverland," and have to worry about someone interrupting me
           | with, "BS, I belong to a Porsche club and have never heard
           | this nickname."
        
           | gkoberger wrote:
           | In this context (a fun blog post), I disagree. I find it to
           | be incredibly clear when someone is playing in a world they
           | truly understand and love.
           | 
           | Not to say one can't be hoodwinked from time to time,
           | naturally, but for me it's not the "facts" that ring true.
           | It's the joy and humor and love that is hard to fake.
        
             | Wowfunhappy wrote:
             | A really good author could probably make this up. Some
             | types of writing require that ability. Imagine you're
             | writing about a fantasy world where everyone drives giant
             | Bloops instead of cars. You might have a few chapters
             | written from the perspective of a master Bloop mechanic.
             | She's been fixing Bloops for as long as she can remember;
             | she considers it her life's calling and she loves every
             | moment of her work. The author needs to communicate that to
             | the reader in a believable way.
             | 
             | But if you're not writing speculative fiction, what would
             | be the point? It's probably harder than writing about
             | something you know!
        
               | pwg wrote:
               | > A really good author could probably make this up
               | 
               | True, but what /really/ makes the humor in this article,
               | when one has the domain knowledge to understand the
               | technical details, is that every single technical humor
               | bit is true and accurate, and brings back similar
               | memories of similar ballets with similar vehicles from
               | years ago.
        
               | Wowfunhappy wrote:
               | _Absolutely,_ , but in order to discern that, the reader
               | needs to have some technical knowledge themselves.
               | 
               | Ergo, I think what throwaway0a5e said above has a lot of
               | merit, even if I wouldn't have stated it in in such
               | absolutest terms:
               | 
               | > Depth of knowledge is impossible to assess for anyone
               | that doesn't have similar depth in the same subject
               | matter.
        
               | abstrakraft wrote:
               | This sounds like most of the aside conversations between
               | author and reader in Douglas Adams' writing.
        
           | munchler wrote:
           | Being able to bullshit entertainingly at this level of detail
           | is an even greater talent. See Douglas Adams, for example.
        
       | linksnapzz wrote:
       | Oh this is lovely. As someone who has spent time inside a
       | Karmann-Ghia convertible, I can smell the burning oil now....
        
         | lastofthemojito wrote:
         | Smell is the thing that gets me a lot of the time with classic
         | cars too.
         | 
         | I appreciate the design from another era - mechanical
         | simplicity from when folks weren't concerned about maximizing
         | efficiency, thin window frames and door pillars that would fare
         | embarrassingly in a modern crash test, etc. Sure, it doesn't
         | fit the standards of today, but that's why these older cars are
         | so different - they're literally from a different era.
         | 
         | Occasionally I'll go down an Internet rabbithole and imagine
         | buying a 60s muscle car or series Land Rover or what have you.
         | But then I'll be near a decades-old machine on the street and
         | be overwhelmed by the smell of the exhaust. I think I must be
         | more sensitive to it than others, but that mostly kills that
         | idea for me. I guess I could try swapping in a modern,
         | emissions-controlled drivetrain but that's a whole 'nother yak
         | to shave.
        
           | denimboy wrote:
           | > Smell is the thing that gets me a lot of the time with
           | classic cars too.
           | 
           | I had a 1972 Triumph Bonneville which had a "tickler" button
           | on each carb instead of a choke. That meant to start it up
           | you would press each tickler button until a bit of gas shot
           | out invariably on your hand but also the engine and the
           | sometimes hot exhaust. Only after this ritual was performed
           | could you jump on the kickstart (no electric start). So you
           | end up smelling like gas.
           | 
           | Q: Why to the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes
           | electrics.
        
           | CRConrad wrote:
           | > mechanical simplicity from when folks weren't concerned
           | about maximizing efficiency, thin window frames and door
           | pillars that would fare embarrassingly in a modern crash
           | test, etc.
           | 
           | Immensely better for visibility, though. Which was actually a
           | plus for safety compared to now, when a pedestrian can well
           | be entirely hidden by your own windscreen pillar.
        
       | chiefgeek wrote:
       | Great article. My first car was a 1966 MG Midget (with a '71
       | engine). Gas gauge never worked. Voltage regulator broke at some
       | point so it had to be push started (no hills in Florida made this
       | more fun) and the first winter I had it I kept waking up with a
       | headache. Finally traced it to a cracked exhaust manifold. First
       | time I had driven around with the top up and I was getting gassed
       | by CO. When the transmission failed, my buddy and I pulled the
       | engine with an aluminum extension ladder (you couldn't just drop
       | the tranny due to a frame piece across the trans tunnel). Had the
       | tranny rebuilt, put it back together (with an engine lift) and it
       | turned out they hadn't done it correctly. Rinse repeat....
        
       | MauranKilom wrote:
       | Today I learned that the literal "giving up the ghost"
       | translation of the German "den Geist aufgeben" is correct, even
       | though it just screams "false friend". Huh!
        
       | cjrp wrote:
       | It's funny how much the starting procedure reminds me of a
       | fairly-modern Cessna 172. If it ain't broke...
        
         | rmk wrote:
         | Welcome to General Aviation, where you can still experience
         | vintage technology from the sixties and seventies! But also
         | proof that a wimpy 180-HP thing is way more fun than a 500-HP
         | BMW M3, simply because of the fact that it flies :)
        
       | eek2121 wrote:
       | FYI his car was stolen last week. Successfully I might add*.
        
       | Bud wrote:
       | Hilarious, and also such a fun tour of the quirks of this old
       | car.
        
       | nixass wrote:
       | Car being manual is good protection measure in the USA
        
       | JPKab wrote:
       | The car has a manual transmission.
       | 
       | The odds of a car thief in 2022 in a modern American city being
       | old enough to be in the age cohort that knows how to drive stick
       | are minimal.
        
       | zw123456 wrote:
       | This reminds me of back when I was at Bell Labs back in the
       | 1980's and there was a "user manual" of how to crash the Unix OS
       | on the PDP11's in our lab. The idea being if you just tell people
       | how to do it they won't try to show how clever they were by doing
       | it. Also, it was a warning what not to do, but it also
       | discouraged anyone from thinking they found a new flaw or
       | whatever.
        
       | schmichael wrote:
       | > Do not become emboldened by your progress
       | 
       | I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to stick this into docs or
       | a tutorial someday. What a brilliant line that really captures
       | that thrill of a newcomer to a problem feeling like they've
       | accomplished something only to find the worst is yet to come.
        
       | JBiserkov wrote:
       | "We use cookies to personalize your experience, to provide social
       | media features and to analyze our traffic. We also share
       | information about your use of our site with our social media,
       | advertising and analytics partners."
       | 
       | This was the only text that was visible below the title and
       | author byline.
        
       | jmkni wrote:
       | This was a really pleasant read, bravo!
        
       | ninly wrote:
       | Got it. Now, where is the car?
        
       | avgcorrection wrote:
       | This is an ad for "Insurance for people who love cars" (Hagerty).
        
         | mdoms wrote:
         | No, this is automotive journalism from a company that also
         | sells automotive insurance. They are an excellent automotive
         | journalism outfit. If you had any actual interest in cars you
         | would know this. If you don't - maybe move on and read
         | something else.
        
           | avgcorrection wrote:
           | Am I not allowed to read a piece on something which I am not
           | sufficiently interested in? Like I guess many others, the
           | "how to steal my car" (implying that it would be arduous)
           | piqued my interest. Even though I am not interested in cars.
        
             | mdoms wrote:
             | You can read anything you want, but you left an ignorant
             | comment.
        
         | RavingGoat wrote:
         | I think they make more from their YouTube content. I honestly
         | had no idea they sold insurance before today but I love their
         | YouTube videos.
        
       | dghughes wrote:
       | I like the 914 it's much nicer than the 924 since the 914 is a
       | boxer the 924 a inline 4. A Dino Ferrari would another good
       | choice small displacement short stroke V6s are sexy.
        
       | nilsbunger wrote:
       | The article and the picture at the bottom exude that this guy is
       | doing exactly what he loves.
        
       | BubbleRings wrote:
       | Great writing. Makes me want to revisit Hitchhikers Guide.
        
       | bluetomcat wrote:
       | Almost any 30+ year-old vehicle is full of these special quirks
       | requiring special "rituals". The annoying thing is that they are
       | hard to fix and often require rare parts which are not easily
       | available.
       | 
       | I have a '95 Rover 216 Coupe which is mechanically very solid
       | (Honda engine and running gear) and very well maintained, but the
       | rest of the car is full of quirks caused by age deterioration.
       | The numerous "rituals" include things like never closing your
       | frameless door with the window down (a nasty cracking sound
       | follows), manually pulling the tooth of the release latch before
       | closing the boot, care when washing it so not to let water enter
       | the spare wheel area permanently and cause rust, etc.
        
         | mdoms wrote:
         | I have a '88 Ford Falcon ute which is mercifully easy to fix
         | and parts are plentiful. I absolutely recommend old cars to
         | everyone, as mentioned elsewhere in this thread they build
         | character. But I mostly recommend the ones with lots of parts.
         | Not just factory but cars that had a strong aftermarket in
         | their day.
        
           | bsder wrote:
           | > I absolutely recommend old cars to everyone, as mentioned
           | elsewhere in this thread they build character.
           | 
           | I don't think I hate another human enough to wish diagnosing
           | an intermittent ground problem that only occured when the
           | temperature fell below 30F on them.
           | 
           | Character it may build, but even to this day I would trade
           | that character for fewer knuckle scars and fewer hours with
           | numb hands from the cold.
           | 
           | I'll take my modern car that lasts until some idiot hits me
           | and totals it.
        
       | rackjack wrote:
       | This is a very funny article and the reveal that people have
       | actually tried to steal the car was a perfect closer.
        
       | gedy wrote:
       | My brother had one of these about 20 years ago, and he eventually
       | sold to a guy from other side of town. One day a few months later
       | the car comes pulling into his front yard at high speed and does
       | a spin out. The guy happened to be driving past and a front
       | control arm snapped off due to rust, and he couldn't control the
       | steering.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | alkaloid wrote:
       | This makes me miss my 1971 VW Van. Learning to navigate the
       | front-to-back, 3-meter-long transmission linkage made it to where
       | I can drive literally any standard transmission vehicle on the
       | planet. Well done!
        
       | mberning wrote:
       | A pathological obsession with objectively terrible machines seems
       | to be a very common character trait.
        
       | sbisson wrote:
       | Reminds me of my first car, a Mini Clubman estate with the fake
       | woody panels on the side. The only thing you needed to know was
       | that it had been re-engined with a hill-climb tuned Cooper S
       | engine. Great on an island with a 40mph speed limit and too many
       | rich folk with Ferraris and the like, as it could out accelerate
       | them anywhere on the island. Sure it wouldn't go faster than 50,
       | but that was fine as it got to that speed almost instantaneously.
        
         | kQq9oHeAz6wLLS wrote:
         | My friend in high school had a Mercury Capri like that. Dad was
         | a drag racer, so that thing could beat anything up to 75mph.
         | Then it'd rattle itself to bits.
         | 
         | Left my MGB in the dust, of course
        
         | cameronh90 wrote:
         | > island with a 40mph speed limit
         | 
         | Does it begin with J and end with Y? (I'm a London-based bean!)
        
           | kingcharles wrote:
           | Yowch. I thought that limit was only for the other Channel
           | Islands. At least in say, the Isle of Man, you can get it
           | nicely into triple digits on a regular basis.
        
       | cenazoic wrote:
       | All I could think about was how I should write something similar
       | about my belovedly-wretched 1979 MGB.
       | 
       | Lucas, the manufacturer of many MG parts, colloquially known as
       | 'the Prince of Darkness' because of a tendency for the lights to
       | suddenly stop working.
       | 
       | The tell-tale crimp in many trunk lids, caused by attempting to
       | shut it without disengaging the little rod that kept it open.
       | 
       | Don't bother locking the doors if you don't want the expensive
       | convertible top sliced through.
       | 
       | The battery is behind the passenger seat.
       | 
       | Having the reverse gear go out leads to an interesting
       | perspective change while parking/driving.
       | 
       | I ended up going to votech in auto mechanics because of this car,
       | because I got so irritated about getting ripped off.
       | 
       | Ah well, I love the damn thing. Even now, 10 years after I sold
       | it.
        
         | technothrasher wrote:
         | You forgot the points based fuel pump that needs a bang or two
         | with a mallet occasionally to keep running. Not that I will
         | ever admit to owning an MG (or four) since I'm a Triumph guy at
         | heart.
        
         | dugmartin wrote:
         | I wrote in another comment about my 1978 MGB. You missed a few
         | more fun parts (they might have just been for my model year
         | though):
         | 
         | 1. The "springs" under the seats were bent wood slats (my dad
         | and I put in new carpeting and found that one out when we
         | removed the seats).
         | 
         | 2. The heater was literally sliding a door to the engine way
         | down the foot well. I remember several winter top down drives
         | in the Midwest where my face and hands were frozen but my legs
         | felt like they were being branded.
         | 
         | 3. The manual choke.
         | 
         | 4. The small cascade of water in your face when you drove in
         | the rain and took a corner.
         | 
         | 5. The electric 5th that seemed to break every few months.
         | 
         | All good memories though.
        
       | aspyct wrote:
       | Oh that's a good read. Thanks for sharing :)
        
       | paulpauper wrote:
       | Just put it on a flatbed lol
        
       | Damogran6 wrote:
       | 1970 olds cutlass: Stomp, hold at 15%, crank...then stab
       | repeatedly until it can clear itself out and maintin an idle.
       | Good for -20 to 95 F.
       | 
       | 1966 Fleetwood 75 - If it's sat for more than three weeks: Stab
       | to set choke. Crank, pausing every 10 seconds...it's got a LONG
       | way to pump the fuel and you don't want to overheat the starter.
       | Car will then, if driven weekly, start on the first half of the
       | first crank every time. Battery has gone 14 months without a
       | tender or external charge and continues to start the car just
       | fine.
        
       | Terry_Roll wrote:
       | Well if he needs help with his 914 and can ship it to Europe, Von
       | Schmidt have done a really nice job with this one
       | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzVr4cpNC58 www.schmidt-
       | oss.com/von-schmidt-eng/
       | 
       | Even electric motor conversions in older cars are coming along as
       | seen here https://youtu.be/qpcSF1kRcFY?t=55
        
       | ChuckMcM wrote:
       | Ah yes, the much maligned (legitimately!) Porsche 914. In high
       | school a friend of mine "scored" one of these "for a steal" from
       | a used car dealer. It managed to wear out the enthusiasm of even
       | a testosterone fueled high school car enthusiast! He sold it his
       | senior year, for not quite as much as he paid for it, and had
       | invested probably $8,000 in various repairs and improvements over
       | the two years he owned it. Quite the legacy.
        
       | Animats wrote:
       | A friend of mine still has a Porsche 914, in a barn in Northern
       | California. It hasn't moved in years. Her son, who was really
       | into cars, once wanted to restore it. He's now an design engineer
       | with Toyota and has more old vehicles than he needs, including a
       | 1958 Ford Fairlane Skyliner with the roof that disassembles and
       | stores itself in the trunk.
       | 
       | If someone really wants to buy the old Porsche, send me a
       | message.
        
       | mywittyname wrote:
       | The joys of classic car ownership.
        
       | fabioborellini wrote:
       | So, apparently there is no mandatory vehicle inspection in the
       | US. Of course there isn't, it would violate the freedom to drive
       | with an unroadworthy car.
        
         | throwaway0a5e wrote:
         | When it comes to bad things that happen on the road mechanical
         | condition is a rounding error compared to things people knew
         | were risky and did anyway. I see no reason we should invest
         | more than a token amount of societal effort chasing the long
         | tail like that.
         | 
         | The fact that you start your comment with "in the US" when
         | anyone even slightly familiar with the place knows that pretty
         | much everything about it is a state by state deal is a massive
         | red flag for a comment that serves no purpose but to convert
         | pearl clutching into internet virtue points. The fact that you
         | end your comment with a back handed quip deriding some imagined
         | notion of freedom more or less confirms it.
        
         | js2 wrote:
         | Yes there is, it varies by state. Author is in NC, same as me.
         | There is a state-wide safety inspection but vehicles older than
         | 30 years are exempt:
         | 
         | https://www.ncdot.gov/dmv/title-registration/emissions-safet...
         | 
         | There's also an emissions inspection that varies by county, but
         | vehicles older than 20 years are exempt.
         | 
         | https://www.ncdot.gov/dmv/title-registration/emissions-safet...
         | 
         | Does it make any sense to exempt older vehicles that are most
         | likely to fail these inspections? No, of course it doesn't.
         | 
         | New vehicles within the most recent 3 model years are also
         | exempt.
        
           | throwaway0a5e wrote:
           | Beyond 30yr the people driving them are doing it for fun and
           | aren't going to generally be running bald tires down the
           | highway in the rain and when they do they are doing it full
           | well knowing that they have to be super careful. Basically
           | they know what they're getting into and don't need the state
           | to tell them why working lights are good and brake pads
           | shouldn't make metal noises.
        
           | FDSGSG wrote:
           | > Author is in NC, same as me
           | 
           | This hardly matters though because you don't need to register
           | the vehicle in the state you're living in.
        
             | js2 wrote:
             | Every state I have lived in requires you to register the
             | vehicle in that state:
             | 
             | NC: Within 60 days of establishing a permanent residence in
             | North Carolina, new residents who plan to operate a motor
             | vehicle must get a North Carolina driver license and title
             | and register their vehicles with the N.C. Division of Motor
             | Vehicles.
             | 
             | https://www.ncdot.gov/dmv/help/moving/Pages/new-
             | residents.as...
             | 
             | GA: If you own or lease a vehicle in Georgia, you must
             | register it with the state. [...] New residents should
             | register their vehicle no more than 30 days from the date
             | they move to Georgia.
             | 
             | https://georgia.gov/register-vehicle
             | 
             | FL: When you move to Florida and become a resident you have
             | 10 days to register your out of state vehicle.
             | 
             | https://www.dmvflorida.org/vehicles/out-of-state-car-
             | registr...
             | 
             | CA: Once you officially establish residency in California,
             | you will have 20 days to register your vehicle with the DMV
             | to avoid late fees.
             | 
             | https://frontdoor.ucdavis.edu/relocation/car
        
               | FDSGSG wrote:
               | The trick is to have your vehicles belong to a LLC,
               | Montana is/was popular.
               | 
               | Might be illegal in some cases. Too risky to be worth it?
               | Not at all. Just look at where most supercars are
               | registered.
               | 
               | Just don't name your company $firstname $lastname LLC.
        
               | js2 wrote:
               | Top of this thread questions whether there are mandatory
               | safety inspections. There are in most states for most
               | vehicles, including NC, where the author lives and where
               | this vehicle is very likely registered. Due to the age of
               | the vehicle, it is exempt from inspections.
               | 
               | You went off on a tangent saying that you don't have to
               | register a vehicle in the state you're in. You do in NC,
               | as well as other states I'm familiar with.
               | 
               | You're now suggesting ways to evade the registration
               | requirement, which may be illegal. This is in no way a
               | rebuttal to the registration and safety inspection
               | requirements that were being asked about at the top of
               | this thread. Exploiting a loophole - including
               | potentially breaking the law - to avoid a requirement
               | doesn't get rid of the requirement.
        
         | criddell wrote:
         | The state of Washington is an interesting case. They had annual
         | inspections and then somebody ran the numbers and found that so
         | few cars were being flagged, that it was an enormous waste of
         | resources. They got rid of their inspection requirement.
         | 
         | More programs should be run like that. Set a goal, create a
         | program, then periodically evaluate if the goal is still the
         | same and if the program is effective.
        
           | rascul wrote:
           | Many states barely even check anything anyway. Out of six
           | states I've had a vehicle inspection in, only one (Maryland)
           | did more than check lights, wipers, brakes, and horn.
           | Inspections seem to be more a revenue stream than anything
           | else.
        
             | fps wrote:
             | I think most states will fail a car with the "check engine"
             | light on. For cars in the northeast, keeping the CEL off
             | gets more and more expensive every winter. I had a truck
             | that was getting a new oxygen sensor (there were 6 on the
             | car) every year from age 8 to 12. The truck drove fine with
             | them malfunctioning, but it couldn't pass inspection. My
             | current Jeep, I assume is going to need about $2K every
             | year in maintenance to get it to pass inspection. And the
             | only reason to do the maintenance is the inspection,
             | because it also drives fine.
        
               | rascul wrote:
               | > I think most states will fail a car with the "check
               | engine" light on.
               | 
               | Except Maryland, none of the states I've done an
               | inspection looked inside the vehicle. The states that did
               | emissions would fail if check engine light is on, but if
               | you disconnect the battery right before to reset it then
               | they might pass it.
        
           | hedora wrote:
           | Contrasting that to California, I had an old well-maintained
           | Volvo station wagon. California tightened the emissions
           | standards on that model until it failed smog (at 110% of NOX
           | limit), and made me upgrade the catalytic to an after market
           | one. It then passed at 85% the NOX limit.
           | 
           | The state strongly encouraged me to send it to a Golden
           | Shield mechanic. As part of the work, they "checked" the air
           | intake filter and MAF sensor on the engine, which was, of
           | course, filthy. It sits in a big plastic box on that car.
           | Instead of reinstalling the filter, they jammed it in
           | sideways and closed the box. I figured it out later, and
           | spent about an hour picking bits of leaves out of the
           | downstream air intake.
           | 
           | Of course, this cost 95% of the limit past which California
           | gives you a free pass till the next smog inspection. (And
           | almost 2x the market value of the car.)
           | 
           | I'm convinced the whole thing is a make-work program that's
           | holding our air quality hostage. (And I'm strongly for
           | tightening emissions standards!)
        
             | throwaway0a5e wrote:
             | >I'm convinced the whole thing is a make-work program
             | that's holding our air quality hostage. (And I'm strongly
             | for tightening emissions standards!)
             | 
             | My state on the other coast does (or used to) openly admit
             | in the official training slides for the inspection license
             | that the reason they have safety inspections is so that
             | holding a state inspection license (they do a single
             | license that covers both emissions and safety) is lucrative
             | and therefore license holders have a financial incentive
             | not to fudge emissions inspections.
             | 
             | Pretty much every business who is supplied a customer base
             | by force of law gives the quality of service you describe.
        
           | marcosdumay wrote:
           | How do you tell if there is no vehicle failing because your
           | inspection takes them off the roads or if it's because nobody
           | wants them anyway?
           | 
           | Any kind of policing is self-denying. You can't evaluate it
           | while it's being applied.
        
         | krallja wrote:
         | It depends on the state. Most of the ones that do exist are
         | concerned with things like "do you have seat belts? are there
         | rear view mirrors? do the turn signals work? is the check
         | engine light on?" Classic/antique vehicles are also often
         | exempt.
        
           | AdmiralAsshat wrote:
           | There's no way that car would pass an emissions test.
        
             | [deleted]
        
             | rascul wrote:
             | Not all states test emissions, either.
        
               | londons_explore wrote:
               | I imagine this means cars with bad emissions end up
               | living in states with no tests...
        
               | protomyth wrote:
               | I'm not so sure on that. Some of the states that don't
               | test are pretty damn inhospitable to cars and bad
               | emissions is often the first sign of the end of the
               | vehicle.
        
               | londons_explore wrote:
               | But there has to be a pretty lucrative trade in buying
               | 'scrap' (emissions failing, $50 for-the-steel) cars in
               | some states, and shipping them over to non-testing states
               | where they can be sold as 'kinda old but totally usable
               | for a few more years, $3000'.
        
               | iamtheworstdev wrote:
               | and some only do it for certain counties (Virginia)
        
             | bell-cot wrote:
             | Unless the Official Emissions Test rules state that the
             | tech performing the test has to start it, and that it can't
             | be failed unless the emissions are too high when it's
             | running...
        
             | jorts wrote:
             | In CA "The California Smog Check Program requires vehicles
             | that were manufactured in 1976 or later to participate in
             | the biennial (every two years) smog check program in
             | participating counties." so it would be exempt based on the
             | year that it was manufactured.
        
               | mturmon wrote:
               | Yes. And the consequences of the pre-1976 smog exemption
               | are all too clear to anyone driving behind an older car
               | on the freeway.
               | 
               | There's no snow where I live, so these beautiful old
               | heaps can stay on the road far longer than is healthy.
        
           | technofiend wrote:
           | Imagine my surprise when this year my 1996 Toyota was
           | suddenly an "antique" by state law. Yearly inspection for
           | antique cars is a safety check as you described - does it
           | have working windshield wipers, lights and seat belts, but no
           | longer any emissions check.
        
       | civilized wrote:
       | So.... is this car a good car that's just way too old, or were
       | Porsches of this vintage not good to begin with?
        
       | sethammons wrote:
       | This was fun. It reminds me of my first truck that my uncle
       | gifted me in sometime around the year 2001: a mid '80s GMC S-15
       | light pickup truck.
       | 
       | The starter did not work. This meant parking on a hill always and
       | 'pop starting.' You put it in 2nd gear, get a good rolling start,
       | then crank the engine. Be mindful to not run out of runway.
       | 
       | This was alleviated after a year or two when a friend of my mom
       | showed me how to arc the starter directly. Pop the hood, take a
       | screw driver and connect the two opposing bolts on the starter. A
       | shower of sparks and a section of screwdriver missing later and,
       | boom, a running engine. It was true freedom not having to park on
       | a hill anymore!
       | 
       | You couldn't start or stop too fast. The bench seat's lock
       | failed, so the entire bench seat would shift forward or backward
       | if you changed velocity too quickly. A tight seat belt helped by
       | using you to keep the seat back.
       | 
       | The driver side window went halfway down... usually. You had to
       | press against it just right and you had to pull up on it to help
       | the hand crank lift it. Best to just leave it up.
       | 
       | Onto the instruments. On a hard left hand turn, the radio and
       | dashboard would light up ... until the end of the turn.
       | Otherwise, no dash lights and no radio. The other problem with
       | the left hand turn was that if it was too sharp, the keys would
       | fly from the ignition and land on the passenger floor board. But
       | that was ok because the truck would continue to run.
       | 
       | Turning on the headlights would cause the gas gauge to drop to
       | zero. This was a problem at night since due to the lack of dash
       | lights. To check the gas, you had to turn off the headlights and
       | use a flashlight to see the fuel level.
       | 
       | Thinking of levels of fluids: oil. There was no dip stick and it
       | burnt oil. So you mostly guessed daily how much oil to add based
       | on experience. Somehow it never occurred to me to, you know,
       | purchase a dip stick. I grew up poor, you didn't just buy things.
       | And I didn't think to make a makeshift one because I was
       | inexperienced at life with little guidance.
       | 
       | One night in 16 degree fahrenheit, icy weather, and not dressed
       | for said weather, the truck gave up the ghost. I didn't estimate
       | my remaining oil correctly and seized the engine. The wrecker
       | gave me $35 for the truck and drove off into the sunset the
       | following day.
        
       | itomato wrote:
       | Haha, joke's on you.
       | 
       | As a reformed air-cooled VW enthusiast, these are my natural
       | driving tendencies.
        
       | iancmceachern wrote:
       | I had a friend that drilled a hole in the fender and put in
       | another key operated switch there. Simple but effective. No one
       | stealing a car is looking around for other switches.
        
       | legitster wrote:
       | > Norman Garrett was the Concept Engineer for the original Miata
       | back in his days at Mazda's Southern California Design Studio.
       | 
       | hahaha. This whole time I was thinking "I know the car is lovely,
       | but this is why people love Miatas"
        
         | agloeregrets wrote:
         | Seriously, same thought. The Miata is this but without anything
         | after the first paragraph. It starts and runs instantly, is
         | fuel injected, brakes well, and the transmission is notably
         | direct feeling. It is the feeling of a good day in the 914
         | every day (and thus worse, because you do not know the bad
         | days). I guess this guy went though hell to define such a great
         | car.
        
           | legitster wrote:
           | It really goes to show what makes the Miata so good. Even
           | through this satire, you could tell this guy really loves his
           | 914.
        
         | noduerme wrote:
         | Miatas are great, but I think the Fiat version is even more
         | fun.
        
         | Sohcahtoa82 wrote:
         | Miata stands for "Miata Is Always The Answer"
         | 
         | Reliable, fun, and economical. The only thing they lack is
         | practicality, being a two-seater with a small trunk. But if you
         | don't have to worry about carrying kids or cargo, they're great
         | cars!
        
           | HeyLaughingBoy wrote:
           | Never drove a Miata, but I have a Nissan 350Z and the wife
           | has been able to squeeze 4 adults (including herself) into
           | it. I still can't imagine that someone willingly scrunched
           | themselves into the hatchback under the strut brace. I guess
           | when you're drunk and only have one safe way home, whatever
           | works, works.
        
       | tibbydudeza wrote:
       | I am rather glad that modern cars late 90's are so depressingly
       | reliable and lacking in "character" and just works when I turn
       | the key and all they needs is fuel, oil change, filters and
       | fluids at intervals.
       | 
       | I would choose an Audi/BMW if I wanted that sort trepidation in
       | my life.
        
         | disiplus wrote:
         | i have a subaru that im not sure will start (something is
         | draining the battery), or when it starts that i will have
         | enough oil.
        
         | mdoms wrote:
         | I read your first sentence and was about to regale you with the
         | reliability stories of my 2009 BMW 335i, but I see you have
         | that covered in your second sentence. I mercifully sold that
         | car just a few weeks ago and it's like having a weight off my
         | back not seeing it in the driveway every day.
        
         | pnathan wrote:
         | that was my basic impression. I drove an '89? Izuzu and a '85?
         | Mitsubishi as my first two cars in the mid '00s; they were
         | pretty "just works" too, barring some repairs. Nothing this
         | crotchety.
         | 
         | I now drive a '21 Camry and man, it's just _nice_. Things
         | _work_. I mean, I don 't mind pulling things apart, but it's
         | like, do I really want to run Gentoo constantly if I don't
         | budget 4-6 hours/mo to maintain it? (no)
        
         | alar44 wrote:
         | I would say for the most part, that's how all cars were up
         | until the 90s. Post 2000 everything is computerized and there's
         | not a ton a shade tree mechanic can do beyond swapping out
         | parts.
        
           | technothrasher wrote:
           | At least if you know how to use a code scanner, newer cars
           | are so much better at telling you what is wrong with them.
           | Though it does take some skill and experience to know the
           | difference between what code(s) tripped and what is actually
           | wrong, as often a code that trips is well downstream of what
           | part has failed. But it's amazing the amount of data you can
           | pull out of a car using an Autel reader or similar.
        
       | zdwolfe wrote:
       | This was a joy to read.
        
       | throwaway0a5e wrote:
       | He could write pretty much the same article about owning an OG
       | Chrysler minivan, which is arguably a more historically
       | significant vehicle but built by a make that prompts sneers about
       | reliability and credit scores from most here, and it would just
       | be considered trashy or prompt pearl clutching by most of the
       | readership.
       | 
       | Amazing the breadth of preconceived notions that can be leveraged
       | with a badge on a grill. Having the presence of mind and ability
       | to leverage readership demographics like this is what really
       | separates good writers and editors from the mediocre.
        
         | h2odragon wrote:
         | The starting rituals reminded me of my '77 Olds Cutlass with
         | the junkyard intake and monster carbs and all sorts of other
         | unwise additions to an already crappy and clapped out machine.
         | Only two people could start that car, and what with the bailing
         | wire holding the axles and frame together no one ever wanted to
         | try towing it.
        
         | anarticle wrote:
         | Sheesh, it's ok to like something! No one will think less of
         | you.
        
         | unregistereddev wrote:
         | There's a difference between bad cars and hilariously bad cars.
         | The OG Chrysler minivan was historically significant. I respect
         | people who still use them as work vehicles, or people who
         | embrace the hacker mentality to turn them into something they
         | weren't originally (there are a few minivan dragsters). But
         | they aren't celebrated as great driver's cars.
         | 
         | A better comparison to the Porsche 914 would be an MG roadster
         | - or if you want to stick with Chrysler, then a Dodge Omni GLH.
         | By modern standards both of these are unreliable,
         | uncomfortable, and hard to drive, but like the 914 they are
         | celebrated by enthusiasts. Part of the reason is because
         | despite their flaws, and despite being relatively hard to
         | drive, they reward skill. While slow to accelerate, they handle
         | well - allowing a skilled driver to make good lap times on a
         | track.
        
         | jrsj wrote:
         | You might be overanalyzing a bit. I think it really comes down
         | to sports cars being cool & vans being...vans. All the
         | "Porsche" part really does is get more clicks (because people
         | know what it is).
        
           | throwaway0a5e wrote:
           | I think most people here would be fawning over the article
           | were it a Toyota Previa or some other car that does not bring
           | to mind "transportation that a day laborer would have driven
           | circa <10-15yr after its model year>" which is what happens
           | to a lot of successful vehicles.
        
           | Rebelgecko wrote:
           | On the flip side, the sports car snobs will say that a 914
           | (especially the 4 cylinder version) is basically just a funky
           | looking Volkswagen :)
        
       | quadrifoliate wrote:
       | > Depress the clutch as you would in any car, and pull the knob
       | from its secure location out of first gear. Now you will become
       | adrift in the zone known to early Porsche owners as "Neverland"
       | and your quest will be to find second gear. Prepare yourself for
       | a ten-second-or-so adventure. Do not go straight forward with the
       | shift knob, as you will only find Reverse waiting there to mock
       | you with a shriek of high-speed gear teeth machining themselves
       | into round cylinders.
       | 
       | I was confused by this until I searched for "Porsche 914 shift
       | pattern" on Google Images. I guess it's a dog-leg gearbox
       | (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog-leg_gearbox).
        
         | bombcar wrote:
         | The Deuce and a Half has an even more interesting one, just
         | when you think you've figured out the dog-leg you find the last
         | two are reversed again.
         | 
         | HN supports shift pattern unicode!
         | 
         | r25
         | 
         | |-|-|
         | 
         | 134
        
           | oliveshell wrote:
           | You're not kidding! I first learned to drive stick in a
           | deuce-and-a-half that my dad bought cheap at a surplus
           | auction.
           | 
           | I accidentally shifted from 1st straight into 5th quite a few
           | times. The darn thing had so much torque that it wouldn't
           | even stall when you did that!
        
             | bombcar wrote:
             | Fun fact: the torque converter was invented a few years
             | _before_ the automatic transmission - and some cars were
             | sold with a manual transmission and a torque converter.
             | With only two or three forward gears, they found most of
             | the customers would leave the car in the top gear and just
             | accelerate slowly ...
        
               | userbinator wrote:
               | The Buick Dynaflow was almost entirely reliant on a
               | multiple-element torque converter, in front of a 2-speed
               | manual similar to the Powerglide. Slow and inefficient,
               | but very smooth.
        
             | lvh wrote:
             | Much better than shifting from 5th straight into 1st though
             | :)
        
           | tyingq wrote:
           | If that sounds crazy, it is. The M35 2 1/2 ton truck shift
           | pattern: https://live.staticflickr.com/4130/5082855966_efbf3c
           | 3f00_c.j...
           | 
           | Also, odd, but the Citroen M35 has a similar name and shift
           | pattern, even though it's a car and completely unrelated.
           | 
           | https://ranwhenparkeddotnet.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/m352.
           | ..
        
           | throwaway0a5e wrote:
           | Patterns like those are really, really really common on truck
           | transmissions.
           | 
           | One rail is 1st/reverse. Another rail is 2nd/3rd and the last
           | rail is 4th or OD and direct. Whether the "fore is a lower
           | gear than aft" holds between the 2nd and 3rd rails is a
           | function of whether or not it's a the pair of gears that
           | constitute "forward gear on the right rail) will either be
           | greater or less than 1:1 depending on if it's an overdrive
           | transmission whereas the rear position on the right rail will
           | always be direct for reasons that boil down to "that's the
           | sensible way to build it".
           | 
           | There's not much to "figure out" when you have a direct lever
           | that goes into the shifter.
        
             | bombcar wrote:
             | Exactly, the more the device can assume the _operator_ is
             | trained the simpler it is - so truck transmissions are
             | closer to the  "Platonic Transmission Form" if you will
             | than fancy car transmissions.
             | 
             | The Deuce doesn't even have synchronizers, you're expected
             | to double clutch and handle that part yourself.
        
               | fragmede wrote:
               | They make automatic semi trucks these days, so depending
               | on your POV, that's either closer or futher from the
               | platonic ideal for transmission layout.
        
           | ourmandave wrote:
           | Reminds me of the _Terminator_ when he commanders the tanker
           | truck and pulls up the schematics by scanning the shift
           | lever.
           | 
           | They should have had a throwaway scene where he tries to
           | steal a Deuce from an armory and it comes up, "File Not
           | Found."
           | 
           | Or he's throwing errors and has to reboot himself trying to
           | find 4th.
        
         | dugmartin wrote:
         | That part of the story reminded me of the 1978 MGB I had as a
         | teenager. If you had _just_ a little leftward pressure on the
         | stick going from 1st to 2nd the gearbox would happily announce
         | "welcome to reverse!". The throw between gears was so small I
         | ended up just using my middle finger to push down from 1st to
         | 2nd and 3rd to 4th and then hooking my thumb around the knob to
         | go from 2nd to 3rd. 5th gear was electric - a little switch
         | that seemed to break every few months.
        
         | fosk wrote:
         | It's a better pattern for racing since you can more easily
         | shift between 2nd and 3rd gear in a quicker way. Older Ferraris
         | (I believe the Testarossa and the TR512, but maybe others too)
         | also have the same pattern.
        
           | technothrasher wrote:
           | The Ferrari V6/V8 cars from the 206 Dino through the 328 have
           | that pattern, but they switched to a standard shift pattern
           | in the 348. You can't accidentally shift into reverse though,
           | as the metal shift gate has a stop on it. You have to push
           | down to get past the stop and into reverse.
        
           | hinkley wrote:
           | > since you can more easily shift between 2nd and 3rd gear in
           | a quicker way
           | 
           | That is in part a secondary effect of how wide and crisp the
           | offsets are between gears (how 'deep' the H shape is). On the
           | gear boxes people tend to like, going from 2nd to 3rd, and
           | 3rd to 4th take very close to the same time. On my little
           | roadster I'd just stomp on the clutch and throw the gear knob
           | in the general vicinity of where it needed to be, relying on
           | hand-eye coordination and the synchros to do the real work (I
           | missed maybe 3 shifts a year, and half of those when I was
           | tired).
           | 
           | Compare this to the car I learned stick on - the infamous
           | Chevy Citation, made during the nadir of Detroit - where the
           | gearbox was roughly shaped like an X, although at the time it
           | felt like an l. I lost track of how many times I accidentally
           | upshifted instead of downshifted at a stop sign, and that
           | engine had less torque than an electric pencil sharpener, so
           | the engine would simple stall the moment I tried to let the
           | clutch out.
           | 
           | The roadster I subsequently drove, I experimented and found
           | that if I was even a little careful I could get moving from a
           | dead stop in 3rd gear. Basically a modified tractor engine.
           | All torque, no horsepower.
        
         | technofiend wrote:
         | > and then rapidly wig-wag the shift knob side-to-side along a
         | lateral axis.
         | 
         | I learned this driving my first car which was a similar vintage
         | Karmann Ghia. It still did it out of habit twenty years later
         | driving my stick-shift Jetta. The second YouTube video I found
         | of someone learning to drive a KG was doing it instinctively as
         | well. [1] I guess there's so much play you just learn to wig-
         | wag a little to see if you're in gear or not.
         | 
         | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF77y8IVi8k
        
           | reedjosh wrote:
           | I wonder if the linkage could be replaced by a cable?
           | 
           | My 77 Firebird has aftermarket shift and throttle cables.
           | 
           | Of course, my Firebird is an automatic, so who knows. Maybe a
           | two cable system would do?
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | everybodyknows wrote:
         | The name "Neverland" is new to me, but I remember that place of
         | limbo well. Assuming the tranny is in good order, there's a
         | firm spring detent that generally saves the driver from 1->R
         | upshift failures.
         | 
         | The 1->4 mistake OTOH, having drifted a little too far right in
         | Neverland, was easily fallen into, and the shuddering
         | deceleration that follows may have been the cause of a few
         | rear-end collisions over the years.
        
         | optymizer wrote:
         | What a blast from the past. I learnt to drive using a VW Golf,
         | and I've always thought this shift pattern is just standard on
         | German cars with manual transmission (at least in the 90s).
         | 
         | One thing I don't see mentioned is that you first have to press
         | down onto the knob, then shift forward, in order to shift the
         | transmission into R. Simply pushing the knob forward won't go
         | from N to R.
        
           | telesilla wrote:
           | First time I rented a German car I yelled out in the parking
           | garage for help! Some kind strangers explained this to me
           | about the reverse and I got on my way.
        
           | RajT88 wrote:
           | Not just press down on shift knob, but a bit to the side too.
           | 
           | On my old Jetta (left hand drive), it was more like "Up and
           | to the Left a little bit", and not a straight throw from
           | first.
        
             | browningstreet wrote:
             | My first car was a 78 Rabbit that had the push-down for R.
             | I also had a Renault Megane that had a pull-up-collar to
             | find R.
        
           | _whiteCaps_ wrote:
           | My Ford Contour SVT (Mondeo in the UK I think?) had a collar
           | under the shift knob that you had to pull upwards to shift
           | into reverse. Had never seen that before, and I felt awfully
           | embarrassed to ask the guy selling me the car how it worked.
        
           | Root_Denied wrote:
           | I had a '92 Nissan Sentra as my first car in the early
           | 2000's, a hand-me-down from my older brother - it also had
           | this dog-leg shift pattern. Looks like it wasn't just German
           | cars that had this transmission.
           | 
           | Definitely burned out a clutch early from learning to drive
           | and learning to drive stick at the same time, but damn do I
           | miss it sometimes.
        
           | masklinn wrote:
           | From a video I saw recently I think some of the old lancias
           | (group b stuff) were similar, the pattern was not shown but
           | the driver referred to being careful with first so as not to
           | launch the car in reverse.
           | 
           | So I'm guessing this was one of the standard gear patterns in
           | the late 70s / early 80s euros, back when car affordances
           | were often nebulous concepts.
        
           | theluketaylor wrote:
           | Reverse lockouts came around in the 80s or so, so his 914
           | wouldn't have one. On older transmissions you're free to try
           | to ram it into reverse at 100 kph if you really want to try.
        
           | logifail wrote:
           | > this shift pattern is just standard on German cars with
           | manual transmission
           | 
           | "Standard?" Hmm. We have two cars with manual transmission, a
           | VW Sharan and a VW Up:
           | 
           | The Sharan has R at the top left, then (reading across) 1 3 5
           | with 2 4 6 below; so 6th is at the bottom right.
           | 
           | The Up only has 5 forward gears, but for some reason they
           | decided to put R _at the bottom right_ (so down from 5th...
           | you can probably see where this story is going)
           | 
           | I have once, and only once, been driving along at motorway
           | speed in the Up, in 5th, and briefly thought I was in the
           | Sharan, and started trying to change up to 6th, except the Up
           | only has 5, _and_ you 're heading for R, not 6th. Happily I
           | didn't complete the change...
        
             | [deleted]
        
             | mikeryan wrote:
             | _but for some reason they decided to put R at the bottom
             | right_
             | 
             | Reverse in the bottom right is the "normal" 5-speed reverse
             | spot no?
        
               | logifail wrote:
               | > Reverse in the bottom right is the "normal" 5-speed
               | reverse spot no?
               | 
               | I've driven a lot of 5-speed manual transmission rental
               | cars over the decades, and my impression is that reverse
               | in the top left is (or certainly was) the far more common
               | layout:                 R 1 3 5         2 4
               | 
               | Our previous car, also a VW, had this layout too.
        
         | michaelcampbell wrote:
         | I had a 3 speed + R transmission in a 1970 Ford. It was
         | originally a column shift but the original owner converted it
         | to a standard floor shift. I don't know if that was the reason
         | for the weird shift pattern it had (nor do I know the original
         | shift pattern), but by the time I got it, it was:
         | 
         | 1 2
         | 
         | R 3
        
         | rob74 wrote:
         | Not sure if this is specific to Porsches, I think several
         | factors are at play here: (1) old cars (even Porsches) were not
         | so precision-engineered as they are today. Today you can
         | operate the gear shift using only two fingers, not so in the
         | seventies; (2) of course, a car being ~50 years old doesn't
         | help either...
        
       | redleggedfrog wrote:
       | That was really well written, and supremely entertaining.
        
       | todd8 wrote:
       | There wasn't very good public transportation to Wellesley College
       | from Boston in 1970 so I borrowed a friend's car to pick up my
       | date. The car was old enough even then to have a crank handle
       | stowed behind the driver's seat for starting the car when you
       | weren't parked at the top of a hill. That date didn't go so well!
        
       | HNHatesUsers wrote:
        
       | danboarder wrote:
       | I regularly drive a 1973 VW westy (bus camper van) and it has
       | these same type of quirks! For me they are all second nature
       | after having the vehicle for over 10 years.
       | 
       | I one had to leave it in a parking lot and later have it towed
       | while I was at work. The tow truck driver could not figure out
       | how to get it started even with me walking him through it on the
       | phone! The ignition is 'wiggly' where it won't start until you
       | jiggle the steering wheel to allow the key to turn to start the
       | car. Also a screwdriver will work fine (if you wiggle the
       | steering wheel just right while attempting to turn the ignition).
       | So ya, Similar quirks :).
       | 
       | I love our westy and usually take it to the beach to surf. It
       | also has an old air-cooled 914 pancake engine in it.
        
         | rozap wrote:
         | I have a 74. My wife used it to go camping and I guess I didn't
         | explain the starting procedure well enough because it was
         | second nature. She ended up having to get a jump after flooding
         | it and killing the battery. Oops.
        
       | clajiness wrote:
       | My Saab 900 Turbo feels like a brand new car now.
        
       | rmk wrote:
       | Ha! Nice piece of writing. What's the software equivalent of this
       | car? I've heard loads of complaints from Oracle software users
       | (database excepted; it appears to be a genuinely great product).
        
       | frxx wrote:
       | Sounds like the car in this state should be illegal to drive for
       | several reasons. I'm glad that in many countries the cars need to
       | be checked every two years.
        
       | ghostpepper wrote:
       | This writing is brilliant
       | 
       | edit: just got to the author's blurb at the bottom. He was an
       | engineer on the original Miata, so it's no surprise that he knows
       | what he's talking about.
        
         | agloeregrets wrote:
         | The irony being that the Miata is none of this. Notably
         | reliable and easy to drive.
        
           | StillBored wrote:
           | I think part of the fun of 914's is how raw they are. Once
           | you get all the individual car's eccentricities down its the
           | same fun, but you feel like its all your secret on the good
           | days when the car is working as intended.
           | 
           | The fact that they are dog slow is made up by the fact that
           | your sitting on this little motor making a huge racket. Its
           | the "I must be going fast, given how much noise i'm hearing"
           | thing.
        
       | a_simple_dev wrote:
       | very Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Loved it.
        
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