[HN Gopher] But life had other plans
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       But life had other plans
        
       Author : JBiserkov
       Score  : 1531 points
       Date   : 2022-03-23 23:36 UTC (23 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (danlebrero.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (danlebrero.com)
        
       | gassius wrote:
       | Life finds a way. My wife had generalized tonic-clonic seizure
       | for an entire year (non previous seizure history) without any
       | cause being detected by multiple MRIs. She was taking increasing
       | doses of Levetiracetam that somehow controlled the scope of the
       | seizures but not avoid them completely. After a year of this, we
       | go for another ER visit after the latest one and she ask, somehow
       | randomly, to have a pregnancy test, it comes negative but,
       | finally, the root cause of the seizure does appear on imagery, at
       | that point a low grade astrocytoma. She went into major brain
       | surgery to try to remove it and pathology confirms the low grade
       | astrocytoma, and after a month of recovery, the oncologist
       | recommends to start a chemo and radio therapy treatment.
       | 
       | As the low grade astrocytoma is treatable and with high long term
       | survival rate, he recommends that we might extracts some ovules
       | if we decide to have another kid in the future, as the chemo had
       | a high chance of infertility. We had one son, and being both on
       | our middle to late 30s, we agreed.
       | 
       | We go to her OG for this, and as he is performing an preliminary
       | echography... a heart beat start blasting on the speakers, over
       | two months of his negative blood pregnancy test, after major
       | brain surgery, after major doses of meds of all kinds, she was,
       | indeed, pregnant. We knew exactly when she got pregnant, it was 5
       | days before that ER visit. She "knew" it that day in the ER,
       | that's why she asked for the pregnancy test (that, once again,
       | came negative).
       | 
       | She decided to have the baby, no matter what the risk for her it
       | was, no matter what risk for the baby it was. Chemo was out the
       | question and radio treatment was a high risk and had to wait for
       | at least another month. 6 months later we had a healthy baby, who
       | is now a healthy 10 year old girl.
       | 
       | Sadly, some months after given birth to her, my wife had a
       | relapse, the brain tumor came back, this time as GBM, a month
       | after the girl second birthday, she passed away.
       | 
       | Life found a way, tho, and my wife never had any remorse of the
       | decisions we made and she would be proud of what her sons are
       | coming to be
        
         | KyeRussell wrote:
         | Thank you for sharing that.
        
         | the_svd_doctor wrote:
         | Hearth-breaking. All the love to you and your family.
        
         | sizzle wrote:
         | Sorry for your loss
        
         | acidbaseextract wrote:
         | I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story.
        
           | gassius wrote:
           | Thanks. We are all as good as we can be now, Life, aside of
           | finding ways, continues.
        
         | mayankkaizen wrote:
         | This is a heart breaking story. Stories like these really put
         | life in a different perspective. This sort of reminds of me my
         | brother's wife story. She died of Glioblastoma at very young
         | age (age 34).
         | 
         | Thank you for sharing this.
        
         | samhw wrote:
         | Jesus, this is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
         | 
         | I haven't gone through anything quite like that, but after
         | friends' deaths and suchlike, I always loved this passage from
         | Slaughterhouse-Five:
         | 
         | > The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that
         | when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very
         | much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry
         | at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always
         | have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look
         | at all the different moments just that way we can look at a
         | stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how
         | permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment
         | that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on
         | Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a
         | string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.
         | 
         | > When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that
         | the dead person is in bad condition in the particular moment,
         | but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other
         | moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I
         | simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead
         | people, which is "So it goes."
        
           | edumucelli wrote:
           | Somehow it has a similar content of this one published in
           | "Facts of the Faith", 1919:
           | 
           | --- Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into
           | the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to
           | each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar
           | name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used, put
           | no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity
           | or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we
           | shared together. Let my name ever be the household word that
           | it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the
           | trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant.
           | It is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity.
           | Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am
           | waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just
           | around the corner. All is well.
        
         | tsol wrote:
         | This is heart breaking of course, but is it wrong to say it's
         | also beautiful? That her last act before death was to create
         | and nurture new life. There's something amazing about that
        
         | glitchc wrote:
         | A heart-breaking story, thank you for sharing.
        
         | boxysean wrote:
         | Thank you for sharing <3
        
         | Taylor_OD wrote:
         | I'm so sorry for your loss.
        
       | lelandfe wrote:
       | I want to give every single person in this a huge hug. What an
       | incredible story.
       | 
       | I cannot imagine how excited their mother-in-law was to be there
       | for the birth of her grandchild.
        
       | mgiampapa wrote:
       | In the US that would be medical malpractice. A pregnancy test
       | would be standard before this type of surgery.
       | 
       | That said, congratulations for the best outcome.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | menzoic wrote:
         | The article mentioned it was too early to be detected
        
           | closetnerd wrote:
           | In the surgery. 5 months pregnant is VERY detectable
           | 
           | edit: wait sry - it also says 2 weeks, so now I dont know how
           | to read what its saying
        
             | [deleted]
        
             | zeta0134 wrote:
             | The 5 month figure is after the _entire summer_ following
             | the surgery and recovery. The embryo was two weeks old
             | during the surgery in May.
        
               | WA wrote:
               | A standard urine-based pregnancy test turns positive
               | ~10-12 days after conception. So the embryo must've been
               | even younger. Probably 3-6 days.
               | 
               | Conception happens in the Fallopian tube, it takes 2-3
               | days for the fertilized egg to reach the uterus for
               | nidation.
               | 
               | From a hormonal level, a pregnancy is undetectable,
               | because literally nothing happens in the woman's body at
               | first. The increase in progesterone happens after every
               | ovulation. The embryo isn't connected to the mothers
               | blood stream yet. And you can't see on an ultra sonic
               | scan whether the egg is fertilized or not.
               | 
               | What a crazy story.
        
             | MarcoZavala wrote:
        
         | WheatM wrote:
        
         | Johnny555 wrote:
         | It was undetectable at the time of the surgery to remove the
         | ovaries and Fallopian tubes.
         | 
         |  _At the time of the surgery, the embryo was young enough to
         | not be detected but old enough to be out of the Fallopian tubes
         | and not depend on the ovaries' hormones anymore._
         | 
         |  _Older than one week, but younger than three. A two-week
         | window._
         | 
         | And after that surgery, I could understand not suspecting
         | pregnancy for abdominal swelling.
        
       | bendbro wrote:
       | Thank goodness this was a happy story.
        
       | maz1b wrote:
       | As a recent medical school graduate and a technical founder of a
       | medical education startup, wow. This is an "edge case" for lack
       | of a better phrase and is the kind of stuff that becomes
       | widespread as lore or an interesting story - at least I'd like to
       | think so.
       | 
       | Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best with what's
       | next.
        
         | oceanghost wrote:
         | IMHO the surest way to get pregnant is to be told by a doctor
         | that you can't.
        
           | ridaj wrote:
           | Some fertility specialists will say on first consult, the
           | odds that you could get pregnant naturally just went down as
           | you walked through the door to my office.
           | 
           | All because the kind of people who visit a fertility
           | specialist have lower fertility stats than the kind of people
           | who don't (duh). The average practitioner doesn't really
           | excel at distinguishing between correlation and causation.
        
             | acid_dog wrote:
             | Yes. I found it interesting that fertility specialists are
             | actually quite focused on statistics. It's because in
             | majority of infertility cases there is either no
             | explanation at all, or no absolute blockers to pregnancy,
             | just less chances. The entire field is in big part focused
             | on how to improve patient's chances in this dice roll.
        
           | openknot wrote:
           | This is an interesting thought to entertain, but it sounds
           | like sampling bias [0]. It's less remarkable if a doctor
           | tells a patient that she can't get pregnant, and she doesn't.
           | 
           | [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias
        
             | vmception wrote:
             | " They Said I Would Never Walk Again And I Really Have To
             | Commend Them For Their Spot-On Diagnosis"
             | 
             | The onion headline
        
       | xnormal wrote:
       | BRCA sucks. My sister died from ovarian cancer. She was positive
       | and refused preventive removal.
       | 
       | I need to get checked. And if I am a carrier, my daughters will
       | need to get checked, too.
        
       | yonatron wrote:
       | Something to consider (or if you're dead set against this idea,
       | don't): Sounds to me like God wacking you over the head with a
       | 2X4 and saying "Hey! Hello?! I'm here. (Yes, for both what you
       | humans call "good" and "bad" <smh>) So be in touch, and stop
       | calling Me "Life"!! "
        
         | Chris2048 wrote:
         | And all the people with _bad_ luck? What 's that, the devil?
        
           | burkaman wrote:
           | Including this couple's 15 years of infertility, 3
           | miscarriages, cancer diagnosis, and months of surgery-related
           | constant pain. If I believed in a benevolent god I think I'd
           | have to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this
           | wasn't their plan. "It feels like a prank" is probably the
           | nicest way you could put it.
        
       | phreack wrote:
       | This is likely to be the best story I'll read all year. Simply
       | amazing.
        
       | paraiuspau wrote:
       | I love this story, even more so that my wife and I this very week
       | are embarking on our 4th and final IVF cycle. Hopeful stories
       | inspire.
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | JackFr wrote:
       | Simply the most lovely thing I have read all day. All week. Hell,
       | maybe all year. Congratulations.
        
       | landmark3 wrote:
       | I have an urgent deadline to release some crazy python code and
       | here I am, instead, cutting onions. Beautiful way to start a day,
       | happy life to you and your family <3
        
         | exikyut wrote:
         | I'll bite :) what's the python code for?
        
           | stavros wrote:
           | Oh it automates the cutting of onions.
        
           | can16358p wrote:
           | Perhaps a model to calculate the effectiveness of birth
           | control pills.
        
       | jurassic wrote:
       | Congrats to the parents.
        
       | TapWaterBandit wrote:
       | Congratulations to the new addition to your family!
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | d_t_w wrote:
       | Hell of a story Dan! Congratulations on the new arrival and best
       | wishes.
        
       | psiops wrote:
       | Amazing story, and I wish OP and his family all the best! I
       | wonder what the effects of ovary removal will be on the embryonic
       | development. I can imagine the ovaries produce hormones that
       | affect the embryos development. Or is the embryo effectively
       | hormonally isolated by the placenta?
        
         | acid_dog wrote:
         | It could be problematic in early pregnancy because the embryo
         | relies on corpus luteum until placenta is developed (without
         | corpus luteum the pregnancy would not continue). Afterwards it
         | does not make a difference. I am not sure what happened in this
         | case that the pregnancy was successful.
        
         | necovek wrote:
         | If you read towards the end, a healthy baby was born.
        
       | gregorymichael wrote:
       | Holy shit that's the most emotional story I've read on HN. My
       | wife and I are in tears over here.
        
       | danielmarkbruce wrote:
       | Hilariously good story.
        
       | adius wrote:
       | What about injuries to the baby due to medicine, pain killers, or
       | alcohol consumption? Could this be a problem?
        
         | NhanH wrote:
         | Probably no riskier than being born into a poor household or in
         | developing countries etc. Which is to say that you try to
         | control what you can, and learn to live with the rest.
        
           | JetAlone wrote:
           | Yes, I have a friend who was born months early. Doctor said
           | he would never walk or talk, but he does both basically as
           | well as I do. You never really know, when it comes to
           | surrounding circumstances of one's birth.
        
       | jo6gwb wrote:
       | It's very important for people particularly women to test for
       | BRCA. Men with the gene should alert female relatives. For those
       | women that have the gene there are non surgical options today to
       | prevent some of these cancers.
       | 
       | Highly recommend this documentary from PBS on the topic as well:
       | https://inheritance-brcafilm.com/pbs-documentary
        
         | MarcoZavala wrote:
        
         | toiletduck wrote:
         | My Dad died after a long and difficult fight with prostate
         | cancer that advanced to untreatable Stage 4 very quickly
         | because of an underlying BRCA2 mutation. I'm so thankful the
         | NHS tested him for this, and then tested my brother and I (both
         | positive), and then sponsored IVF for my brother to concieve
         | his first child with screening for BRCA2 mutation.
         | 
         | He now has a five month old baby girl who doesn't have the same
         | coinflip requirement that BRCA2 brings girls of almost-
         | guaranteed servere breast cancer and invasive life-changing
         | surgery to reduce risk, and my brother and I both get MRIs at
         | 40 and regular screening for when we (very likely) get prostate
         | cancer.
         | 
         | This article was such a surprise to see at the top of HN, and I
         | urge everyone to share it as both a lovely good news story and
         | awareness of how underlying genes can cause aggressive cancers.
        
       | vincentmarle wrote:
       | > But the most incredible thing: when have you seen the public
       | health service being earlier than planned?
       | 
       | What would have changed about the pregnancy if it wasn't earlier
       | than planned?
        
         | exhilaration wrote:
         | It's a joke - the public health services in places like Canada
         | and the UK have a (mostly unfair) reputation for never getting
         | anything done in a timely manner.
        
           | boomskats wrote:
           | It's almost as if there are entire lobbies that pour tons of
           | money into PR efforts to promote those falsehoods and tarnish
           | the reputations of those public services in order to shift
           | public sentiment towards their privatisation!
        
             | dash2 wrote:
             | It's almost as if people in those countries have experience
             | of how they actually work!
        
       | mcv wrote:
       | Not remotely as extreme as this, but we had a lot of trouble
       | conceiving of our second child, after a very complicated birth
       | for our first. We did want a second child, though, so we went
       | through all sorts of fertility treatments, with no results except
       | for one miscarriage. Eventually we were tired of it and gave up.
       | After a few months we were ready to give it another go, and we'd
       | start with new fertility treatments after her next period. That
       | period never came, and we got another son instead (with a much
       | easier pregnancy and birth than the first one).
        
         | tonyarkles wrote:
         | It's all still quite recent, but we're currently in a similar
         | boat. We don't yet have a child though, only a miscarriage a
         | few years ago. Around Christmas/New Years, we had a bit of a
         | chat about things and, accepting that the clock is definitely
         | ticking, we were going to consider trying _one_ round of
         | fertility treatments. We want kids enough, but also are
         | pragmatic enough to accept that things just might not work out
         | for us on that front.
         | 
         | February comes along and she gets COVID. I happened to be about
         | an hour out of town when she first tested positive, and we
         | decided I should stay out there unless I too happened to test
         | positive. A week passes, she's still testing positive on rapid
         | tests, and most of her original symptoms are gone, but she's
         | feeling "funky" nonetheless. On a whim, has a long-expired
         | pregnancy test in the back of a drawer, and tests positive. I
         | was coming into town for a Costco run the next day and picked
         | up some fresh tests for her. Fresh test _immediately_ comes
         | back very positive.
         | 
         | At the Ultrasound they do measurements to evaluate how far
         | along things are. 6 weeks! Later on that day I pulled out the
         | calendar and start counting backwards... and smile because that
         | was a _really great weekend_ 6 weekends prior :D
         | 
         | Edit: next big hurdle is next week where we go back for a
         | second ultrasound and hopefully see/hear a heartbeat.
         | Everything else looked excellent at the first ultrasound, but
         | it was just a bit too early according to the tech.
        
           | mcv wrote:
           | Congratulations with this great news in these complicated and
           | confusing times!
        
       | dailygrind___ wrote:
       | What a story... glad life found its way. I had a chance to meet
       | you at IG, and that made the story more real than real, so to
       | say. All the best Daniel!
        
       | spieswl wrote:
       | That is an incredible story! Best wishes to the family.
        
       | otikik wrote:
       | Wow what a story.
       | 
       | It reminds me of a joke we have in Spain about unlikely
       | pregnancies. It ends with "If you got pregnant, we're calling the
       | baby McGyver"
        
       | verifex wrote:
       | Wife and I had an unlikely pregnancy ourselves. We tried for
       | possibly 8 years with no luck, finally we gave in and started the
       | process to do in vitro with entailed lots of tests and
       | everything. Then, the day before we were scheduled to start the
       | process (during xmas no less) and lay down a lot of $$$ for the
       | procedure, wife takes a pregnancy test and shockingly, it
       | indicates positive. Kid was born healthy and happy. I hesitate to
       | call him some kind of xmas miracle kid, but I mean.. the context
       | and everything really drove the point home. :)
        
         | gonzo41 wrote:
         | I'm really happy you saved a ton of money and got what you
         | wanted. IVF is not only mega costly, it's also a brutal roller
         | coaster of emotions for all involved.
        
           | royjacobs wrote:
           | Unless you live in a country like The Netherlands, where the
           | first three IVF procedures are, in fact, free. I won't
           | disagree with you on the roller coaster of emotions, though.
        
             | bleuarff wrote:
             | Or France, where the first 4 procedures are paid for by
             | health services. Going to the pharmacy for the ovarian
             | stimulation drugs for my wife and seeing the one-week
             | treatment would have cost us hundreds of euros; I sure was
             | glad to live in such a country!
        
             | burrows wrote:
             | What does the word "free" mean here?
             | 
             | I assume the clinical professionals are paid and the
             | researchers were paid and the pharma venders are paid, so
             | that money is coming from somewhere. Is it that someone
             | other than you pays for it?
        
               | royjacobs wrote:
               | Certainly. It's being paid for by the universal basic
               | health care that our government provides. One of the
               | reasons we pay taxes.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | Okay, you give the government money (taxes) and then the
               | government pays the clinics for your medical care (with
               | the tax money).
               | 
               | But doesn't that mean you're still paying for your own
               | medical care with the government acting as a middle-man?
               | So then it's not free.
        
               | royjacobs wrote:
               | Sure, if for some reason you want to take the most
               | absolute, most pedantic definition of the word 'free' and
               | you are utterly confused by it meaning something else
               | then, yes, it is not free.
               | 
               | I hope this clears things up for you.
        
               | kwhitefoot wrote:
               | You are missing the key feature: solidarity.
               | 
               | It is not _paying for your own medical care_ it is
               | _paying a small proportion of everyone 's medical care_.
               | 
               | And in fact for a proportion of the population it is in
               | fact free or nearly so because they have never paid any
               | income tax or the cost was so high that the taxes they
               | did pay plus the proceeds of selling very possession they
               | had and selling their children into servitude still
               | wasn't enough to pay for it.
               | 
               | And lastly, we all understand the point of taxation and
               | redistribution (at least in Europe we do) so what exactly
               | was the point you were repeatedly failing to make clear?
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | > And in fact for a proportion of the population it is in
               | fact free or nearly so because they have never paid any
               | income tax or the cost was so high that the taxes they
               | did pay plus the proceeds of selling very possession they
               | had and selling their children into servitude still
               | wasn't enough to pay for it.
               | 
               | Okay, so if the person receiving the service doesn't pay
               | taxes, then they do not pay for the service. And for
               | everyone else that does pay taxes, it is a cost with no
               | attendant service.
               | 
               | > we all understand the point of taxation and
               | redistribution (at least in Europe we do)
               | 
               | What is the point?
               | 
               | > what exactly was the point you were repeatedly failing
               | to make clear?
               | 
               | I don't have some huge point. I'm just confused by this
               | usage of "free". There are other usages that I find
               | confusing as well.
               | 
               | A child tells his friends that everything on Amazon is
               | free, meanwhile his parents silently pay for his
               | purchases.
               | 
               | Someone steals a car and tells her friends that she has a
               | new free car.
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | Wait until you hear about insurances, where it is
               | perfectly normal (in fact the whole point) that the vast
               | majority of people pay in more than they get back.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | I generally don't refer to a repair subsidized by my car
               | insurance as free. Do you?
        
               | droopyEyelids wrote:
               | Do you feel like this was an insightful point that needed
               | clarification?
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | It's pretty clear what 'free' means here, the person
               | getting the treatment is not billed for the treatment. In
               | that way, a society organizes that no one has the
               | existential threat (financially or medically) of
               | prohibitively high cost.
               | 
               | It's so obvious that I don't understand how people still
               | see it as this elevating 'gotcha' moment. It's the same
               | when you drink free beer, breath free air, enjoy free
               | time, etc: obviously it doesn't just appear from
               | nothingness but has (opportunity) cost.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | > It's pretty clear what 'free' means here, the person
               | getting the treatment is not billed for the treatment.
               | 
               | Actually I think that's a pretty good example of what
               | confuses me about this usage of "free". Usually when I
               | call something "free" I am making a claim about who pays
               | for the thing, but as you pointed out, in this case it
               | has something to do with who is billed by the service
               | provider.
               | 
               | > In that way, a society organizes that no one has the
               | existential threat (financially or medically) of
               | prohibitively high cost.
               | 
               | IMO, no current Earth society comes close to that
               | criteria. For example, if someone has a currently
               | untreatable disease, then isn't that just saying the cost
               | of treatment is prohibitively high? ie, the cost of
               | hiring scientists, renting lab space, running trials,
               | etc.
        
               | aabceh wrote:
               | Do you also get confused by free food tastings in grocery
               | stores?
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | Yes. And when buying hot dogs.
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | > in this case it has something to do with who is billed
               | by the service provider.
               | 
               | What else could it even be? You started your gotcha with
               | the truism that it's not free, so, yeah, _nothing_ is
               | free, and the whole discussion is meaningless. You 're
               | arguing in bad faith, but that just makes your argument
               | meaningless.
               | 
               | > no current Earth society comes close to that criteria.
               | For example, if someone has a currently untreatable
               | disease
               | 
               | Your counterargument is that there exist diseases that
               | cannot be treated anywhere?
               | 
               | Let me give you an example of something treatable:
               | Endemic (flea-borne_) typhus. In Europe, the given
               | example is "British POWs in Germany at the end of World
               | War I when they described conditions in Germany." [1] In
               | the US, instead Typhus shows up in the reports of the LA
               | Medical Association as a regular occurence (among
               | homeless, mostly). [2]
               | 
               | [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemic_typhus [2]
               | https://www.ladocs.org/news-events/news/lac-dph-health-
               | alert...
        
               | DiggyJohnson wrote:
               | I agree with much of what you said, but I don't think
               | they're arguing in bad faith at all.
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | I only see two options, bad faith or childishly naive, so
               | I suggested the more flattering option. In either case
               | it's tiring to argue this 'gotcha' strawman - no one here
               | on HN believes that things just materialize.
               | 
               | But I do think it's bad faith, because I doubt burrows
               | picks the same kind of pointless argument about semantics
               | when someone offers him a free sample at Costco, or a
               | free beer, or is confused when reading the Washington
               | Post online, even though it says 'Post' right there in
               | the name, and that the printed New York Times doesn't
               | really tell you the time, and that Fox News is not about
               | foxes at all (even though it absolutely should be).
        
               | DiggyJohnson wrote:
               | Yes, but there is a long history of thinking about the
               | various definitions for "free". This alone warrants the
               | discussion. Surely they see what you mean, but it does
               | sound like you both default to different definitions of
               | the word. I agree with you, but I maintain that you are
               | being much to certain about the naivety of the objection.
               | 
               | Because we're on HN:
               | 
               |  _There 's 'free' as in beer ..._
               | 
               |  _And there 's 'free' as in 'freedom'._
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | > What else could it even be?
               | 
               | As I said, my usage is closer to calling a thing "free"
               | if I consume it without paying for it, and importantly it
               | doesn't matter who receives the bill.
               | 
               | If my wife buys a new couch for our home with a credit
               | card that is nominally her's, but for which I make the
               | payments, I would not call the couch free despite the
               | credit card bill being in her name.
               | 
               | > You started your gotcha with the truism that it's not
               | free, so, yeah, nothing is free, and the whole discussion
               | is meaningless. You're arguing in bad faith, but that
               | just makes your argument meaningless.
               | 
               | I just asked a question about the meaning of "free" in
               | this context.
               | 
               | > Your counterargument is that there exist diseases that
               | cannot be treated anywhere?
               | 
               | My counterexample to the claim, "There are current Earth
               | societies where no one is unable to get treatment because
               | of insufficient funds", is anyone in these candidate
               | societies with a currently untreatable disease.
               | 
               | I don't understand your point about typhus.
        
               | nautilius wrote:
               | > As I said, my usage is closer to calling a thing "free"
               | if I consume it without paying for it, and importantly it
               | doesn't matter who receives the bill.
               | 
               | Well then that's exactly, word for word, what OP did. How
               | are you confused if you use it the exact same way?
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | But I think OP does pay for it, as she suggests here.
               | 
               | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30788837
               | 
               | First OP says, "X is free for me.", then she says, "My
               | taxes pay for X." It looks to me that says she both does
               | and does not pay for it, that's why I'm confused.
        
               | royjacobs wrote:
               | In what kind of world did you expect that "X is free for
               | me" would imply that nobody is getting paid for anything
               | regarding an IVF treatment? It clearly means that, _other
               | than paying taxes like everyone else in the free world_ I
               | do not have to pay for it.
               | 
               | This is at the same level as finding a free penny on the
               | street and going "No, but hang on, _someone_ paid to mint
               | this penny so I am extremely confused as to why you would
               | say this penny is free?!"
               | 
               | I hope the other posts in this subthread have made things
               | explicit enough for you, and perhaps you can use this
               | discussion as a heuristic for parsing these kinds of
               | statements in the future.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | > It clearly means that, _other than paying taxes like
               | everyone else in the free world_ I do not have to pay for
               | it.
               | 
               | So, other than paying for it, I don't have to pay for it?
               | 
               | Again, I find this sort of comment confusing.
               | 
               | > This is at the same level as finding a free penny on
               | the street and going "No, but hang on, _someone_ paid to
               | mint this penny so I am extremely confused as to why you
               | would say this penny is free?!"
               | 
               | I think it's closer to calling the food in the
               | refrigerator at my house "free". Or calling repairs at
               | the auto shop "free" when the insurance company (who I
               | pay) pays the shop.
        
               | royjacobs wrote:
               | >Again, I find this sort of comment confusing.
               | 
               | Noted.
        
           | hamburglar wrote:
           | Indeed. I went through that for second kid and it was just
           | excruciatingly bad for my wife. 28 day cycle of absolute
           | misery and disappointment for months. We are divorced now but
           | I still feel bad for what she experienced emotionally.
        
       | throwawaysie wrote:
       | Sorry for a small hijack. We have been trying a kid for a few
       | years, doing IVF etc. with no luck so far. An endless source of
       | irritation to me is a complete inability of the doctors to show
       | any kind of probability distributions for the process. So, I'd
       | like to find data that answers questions like how many embryos
       | are alive after n days on average and on 10th percentile etc.
       | 
       | Does anyone know a decent data source for these kind of
       | statistics?
        
         | acid_dog wrote:
         | I don't have a great data source, but from my experience (as a
         | woman that tried to conceive two kids), reddit has awesome
         | communities with users that can absolutely dig out those stats
         | for you, if they exist: r/TryingForABaby, r/infertility
        
         | necovek wrote:
         | Don't get bogged down on statistics. They matter with large
         | numbers, and in each cycle, you are dealing with at most a
         | dozen or two fertilized eggs. Looking at all the stats only
         | made us feel worse about our outcomes.
         | 
         | My wife and I were supposedly "perfect" candidates (doctors
         | were convinced we'd conceive on the first try), but it took two
         | full cycles and a number of FETs from all of a dozen or so good
         | quality eggs to be transferred for our two kids (with the
         | second, we had success with our last remaining frozen embryo,
         | so make that two cycles and 9 embryos for the first kid --
         | basically, with first, we were extremely unlucky, but then it
         | was two FETs and no full cycles for the second, which was a
         | relief).
         | 
         | Basically, for those who do get success on the first try, there
         | have to be plenty of us that don't for the stats to average out
         | to what they are.
        
       | ausbah wrote:
       | I thought this would be another grim medical tale, I'm glad I was
       | wrong :)
        
       | hunter-gatherer wrote:
       | I think I read that entire post in one breath. That was an
       | emotional train that fortunately had a good ending. May the child
       | live a long and happy life.
        
       | menzoic wrote:
       | I was getting ready to read a tragedy but was pleasantly
       | surprised by the ending.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | vmception wrote:
         | Right? In my head I had heard cancer before I clicked the
         | article, and spoiler alert, yes, but also what a twist!
        
         | agumonkey wrote:
         | sweet rollercoaster isn't it
        
         | duxup wrote:
         | Same this was going rough then so much better.
        
       | 3695524818 wrote:
        
       | la64710 wrote:
       | Beautiful .... It was so refreshing to read an article with such
       | happy ending.
        
       | sneak wrote:
       | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/72j71s/guy_doctor_my...
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | olafurnielsen wrote:
       | Reading the end of this story made me really happy. I've had a HN
       | account since 2016 and have never commented, until now :)
        
       | patatino wrote:
       | I know two cases when people gave up trying to conceive, they got
       | pregnant naturally.
       | 
       | One was doing IVF, the other hormone therapy. Both needed a break
       | and both got pregnant in this break.
       | 
       | It makes you think how much stress and mind play a role.
        
         | csunbird wrote:
         | The stress factor may actually be an evolutionary trait.
        
         | xunn0026 wrote:
         | > It makes you think how much stress and mind play a role.
         | 
         | Stress and the mind can also end a pregnancy sometimes...
        
       | pcthrowaway wrote:
       | Life.. uh.. finds a way
        
       | dstainer wrote:
       | Life, finds a way...
        
       | cellis wrote:
       | Breathtaking! Somehow, the one upvote I'm allowed to give didn't
       | seem enough. I read loads of "cold reality" stories every morning
       | ( I check WSJ, NYT and Bloomberg once in the morning ) and
       | perhaps due to this conditioning, I was expecting something
       | depressing. But this made my day.
        
       | planetsprite wrote:
       | Life.............................................................
       | ....................................finds a way
        
       | anonymous344 wrote:
       | who ever soul was coming - really just wants to live so so badly.
       | You'll give her a good childhood. Life is about joy
        
       | AndrewVos wrote:
       | This is really nice to read. My wife and I went through a similar
       | thing. Her mom found BRCA recently so my wife got tested.
       | 
       | Luckily she didn't have the mutation, but it was a very scary
       | time because we have a young daughter who might have also had it.
        
       | UberFly wrote:
       | "Given that my wife didn't recall talking with any angel
       | lately..." Haha. That was a well-written tale.
        
       | MandieD wrote:
       | In my late 30's, with the only indication that we were fertile at
       | all having been an ectopic pregnancy many years before, we gave
       | up. We had wanted kids, but our lives were good, with nieces and
       | nephews we love.
       | 
       | A few months before my 40th birthday - and the pandemic -
       | SURPRISE!
       | 
       | We are currently the proud but exhausted old parents of an
       | increasingly rambunctious toddler.
        
         | JetAlone wrote:
         | That is quite a nice surprise! I hope your child has a joyful
         | life.
        
         | gwbas1c wrote:
         | You aren't that old. I know someone who had twins in his mid
         | 40s. My cousin also had multiple pregnancies in her 40s.
         | 
         | I also had my last a few months before my 40th birthday.
         | 
         | BTW: "Oopsies" are common. If you're 100% done, consider
         | surgical birth control.
        
           | usefulcat wrote:
           | > BTW: "Oopsies" are common. If you're 100% done, consider
           | surgical birth control.
           | 
           | Yes. Not a doctor, but according to my wife, if you
           | previously had difficulties getting pregnant, it may be
           | easier to get pregnant again after the first birth.
        
       | samragu44 wrote:
        
       | ValtteriL wrote:
       | What a heartwarming story. Wish the author all the best with the
       | newborn!
        
       | flobosg wrote:
       | What a plot twist! Thanks for sharing.
        
       | zoom6628 wrote:
       | Beautiful and uplifting story. Wish all of you the best of times
       | together for the rest of your lives.
        
       | bajirao wrote:
       | Very uplifting. Thanks for sharing this.
        
       | silisili wrote:
       | I appreciate and quite love the story, and congrats all around.
       | 
       | But this idea of putting awful GIFs into a rather serious and
       | interesting story has got to stop. It did nothing but cheapen and
       | interfere with the story being told.
       | 
       | Reaction GIFs are for uninteresting or ineloquent people. Just
       | write how you feel!
        
         | onion2k wrote:
         | _Reaction GIFs are for uninteresting or ineloquent people._
         | 
         | https://giphy.com/gifs/robert-downey-jr-sigh-confused-116a8z...
        
         | jader201 wrote:
         | The author shared the story in a way that resonated with
         | themself -- using reaction gifs.
         | 
         | It's hard to ask them to write how they feel but tell them they
         | can't use reaction gifs.
        
           | silisili wrote:
           | To be clear - I'm not demanding anything. Only giving my
           | opinion as an interested reader. He or she is free to
           | disregard, just as every comment I make here.
        
         | vmception wrote:
         | Ascii, emojis and GIFs more accurately portray how I feel than
         | the written language does. A lot of other people feel that way
         | too. Image viruses also predate our kind of written language.
        
       | Nezghul wrote:
        
         | nandhinianand wrote:
         | I used to think about this angle and eventually realized that
         | the absolutist ideas of "freewill" and "consent" are ideals
         | from platonic land and in practice it is questionable any one
         | will find the ideal version of these.
        
         | sam_goody wrote:
         | I honestly feel bad for you. I don't know where you are from or
         | what you are up to, but it sounds like you are really in a bad
         | way.
         | 
         | Which is a shame, as Life is something good, even if there are
         | hard moments.
         | 
         | I strongly suggest looking for some way to improve and enjoy
         | yourself. Breathing techniques help for some, Zen for others.
         | Religion adds tremendously to personal well being, and helps
         | deal with frustrations and pain.
         | 
         | Professional help can get you a long way, as can marriage if
         | you are willing to genuinely care for your partner.
         | 
         | And drop social media, videos, drinks, drugs, porn, or whatever
         | else is burning you out. (I don't have a smartphone and am
         | amazed how much better my life is for it)
         | 
         | Enjoy life, as you only get it once.
        
         | nicky0 wrote:
         | Well that's one point of view I guess.
        
         | kkjjkgjjgg wrote:
         | If you never give the person the chance to decide, you are
         | oppressing them even more. All those eggs you never fertilized
         | make you tyrant of epic proportions.
        
           | fishnchips wrote:
           | And to think of all the wasted spermatozoids?
        
         | andi999 wrote:
         | Because it is an extreme fringe opinion? A lot of countries
         | have mandatory schooling (which quite a few kids dont consent),
         | some conscription, a lot of criminals dont consent on beeing
         | arrested. And generally people agree that no consent is needed
         | for at least 2 out of these 3.
        
           | Nezghul wrote:
           | "Doing X without consent is irrelevant because consequences
           | of X are full of nonconsensual things." How is that in favor
           | of X?
        
             | andi999 wrote:
             | I didnt say that. You asked 'how can people not understand,
             | that in the age of...'. I tried to explain how people
             | cannot understand. The explanation is what people cannot
             | understand is far out or what happens normally. (yes, i
             | know, you might have meant this more as an rhetorical
             | device or sarcasm, but I think it is an important question
             | you shd really ask yourself especially since you raised it)
        
               | Nezghul wrote:
               | Sorry, I wrongly understood your answer not as an
               | explanation of other people actions but as statement of
               | your position in topic.
        
         | blackoil wrote:
         | Apart from some local bubbles, now is the best time ever to be
         | born in.
        
       | AnonC wrote:
       | "Life found a way out" would've been a nice title for this. :)
       | 
       | Edit: seriously, this is a fascinating account of how unexpected
       | some life events can be, and then turn out to bring happiness
       | that was sought but wasn't expected.
        
         | abricot wrote:
         | Sure, but that title would have given it away.
        
       | makach wrote:
       | I have no words for how deeply this article affected me. In the
       | words of the great philosopher Ian Malcolm "Life will find a
       | way."
        
       | l8nite wrote:
       | Thanks for sharing this lovely story! Our whole family was
       | captivated as I read it aloud :). Congrats on the birth of your
       | son and best wishes to all!
        
       | 40four wrote:
       | Incredible story! It hits close to home for me because I am in
       | fact a 'miracle' baby, although my story isn't quite as dramatic
       | as this one with the preventative surgery and such. My mother had
       | many miscarriages before me (and one after). The doctors told her
       | she would never have a child. They said it wasn't possible. And
       | yet here I stand!
        
       | user_7832 wrote:
       | That was... one hell of a rollercoaster. All I can say is I'm
       | glad everyone made it out alive.
        
       | DeathArrow wrote:
       | Life finds a way to flourish even in the most difficult
       | conditions.
        
       | Aeolun wrote:
       | I was so worried this would be another one of those sad articles
       | that I just cannot help but read to the end.
       | 
       | But then everything took a turn for the better :D
        
       | ivolimmen wrote:
       | Wow, love to read stuff like this.
       | 
       | My third kid also had given us a nice surprise. My wife was
       | pregnant; we knew that. We had an appointment with the doctor for
       | the first check-up. We came in and the doctor did not see a baby
       | on the echo. We were not really badly shook up as we lost our
       | first but we where not enjoying it either. Next day I am at work
       | and I get a phone call from my wife. The hospital rang. The blood
       | that was examined before we wend for the check-up had bad values
       | and indicated a possible tumour (but not the bad kind). I raced
       | home, we wend to the doctor. Before actually going into surgery
       | he wanted to do an internal echo just to make sure where it was
       | and how big it was.
       | 
       | There she was. We where pregnant.
        
       | schultetwin1 wrote:
       | This is an amazing story! Classic race condition :)
        
         | SamBam wrote:
         | Those race conditions are always tricky to reproduce.
        
           | teaearlgraycold wrote:
           | God DAMN it
        
           | shrikant wrote:
           | I hope 'brailsafe (whose jokey (and IMHO, low-effort) comment
           | was heavily downvoted then flagged into oblivion) takes note
           | -- this is a good example of a funny that this community
           | appreciates.
        
         | spoils19 wrote:
         | I don't understand how this is a race condition, but I might
         | need to check my old undergrad textbooks though. Props for the
         | quirkyness, though! :>
        
           | KMag wrote:
           | A pregnancy doesn't show up on a pregnancy test (a read
           | operation) until after implantation and enough fetal growth
           | to significantly impact the mother's hormone levels. So,
           | there was a write (fertilization) followed by a read
           | (pregnancy test) without any synchronizing operation. The
           | pre-op pregnancy test missed the pregnancy because of the
           | race between the read and the write.
        
       | ane wrote:
       | Several years ago my wife and I agreed we'd actively start making
       | a baby and quit contraceptives. She was on the pill (progestogen-
       | only) and we'd been using it for the better part of three years.
       | Worked fine, she took it religiously at the same time every day.
       | 
       | So we agreed to quit, and the next day she comes to me,
       | awkwardly, saying "It worked!" half-jokingly. I stared at the
       | pregnancy test, positive and unambiguous as ever. At the second
       | test, too.
       | 
       | Turns out she'd been already pregnant for almost a month. That
       | kind of contraceptive is only 99% effective. Our daughter was
       | born eight months later.
       | 
       | Safe to say, the missing percentage is warranted.
        
         | sizzle wrote:
         | If the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary, you
         | owe it to yourself to get a DNA test. 18 years is a long time
         | friend. Trust but verify.
        
           | KyeRussell wrote:
           | I'm...not sure I follow. Are you implying that her
           | contraceptive pill was somehow less effective against the
           | sperm of someone else?
        
             | sizzle wrote:
             | That there are situations where women have affairs and get
             | pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner
             | think it's their child.
             | 
             | Putting the morality of this aside and speaking
             | practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the
             | timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.
        
               | croon wrote:
        
               | gwbas1c wrote:
               | > Turns out she'd been already pregnant for almost a
               | month. That kind of contraceptive is only 99% effective.
               | Our daughter was born eight months later.
               | 
               | This kind of "oops" is very common.
               | 
               | If/when you're done having children, or have no desire
               | for children, you really need to get surgery.
        
               | samhw wrote:
               | Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be
               | writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or
               | something like that.
               | 
               | I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting
               | the morality aside" here, because there's not really any
               | _practical_ difference.
        
               | agent008t wrote:
               | It's a question of trust, for starters?
        
               | cycomanic wrote:
               | So what is the test that the husband should undergo? I
               | mean why only think about the faithfulness of the wife?
        
               | [deleted]
        
               | mod wrote:
               | 1) You seem to have totally focused on the "parent" role,
               | and forgotten the "partner" aspect. This has major
               | implications for the relationship.
               | 
               | 2) The _practical_ difference is choice. Biological
               | parents are pretty stuck. People in this situation aren
               | 't at all.
        
               | rayiner wrote:
               | Nope. Once you have kids being the parent is the most
               | important thing.
        
               | InitialLastName wrote:
               | We should note that, yes, being the parent is the most
               | important thing, but the quality and effort put into the
               | partnership has a substantial effect on the quality of
               | the parenting.
        
               | [deleted]
        
               | iliekcomputers wrote:
               | >Does it really matter whose child it is?
               | 
               | Umm what? Do you not see the inherent breakage of trust
               | if your wife is having sex with someone else in a
               | monogamous relationship and then trying to pass off
               | someone else' kid as yours?
        
               | krab wrote:
               | It doesn't matter for this story of contraception not
               | working 100%.
        
               | froh wrote:
               | Yes! Especially several years later. Stupid shit happens,
               | to all of us. And if the kid has 'adopted' the father,
               | then for many years it will be outright traumatic to cut
               | the relationship and trust if that kid just because if
               | some test. Oh, not my DNA, then I don't love you? How
               | narcissistic of a father would that be? Joseph of
               | Nazareth would like to have a word, too...
               | 
               | No, there should be very good and compelling reasons to
               | request a DNA test.
        
               | ycombinete wrote:
               | > Does it really matter whose child it is?
               | 
               | I'm not sure I understand. Are you asking why it matters
               | for a man to unknowingly raise another man's child, which
               | his wife conceived while being unfaithful to him?
        
               | SamoyedFurFluff wrote:
               | Assuming you're living close to your partner, the actual
               | amount of effort necessary would be a lot. The very
               | narrow time window described is actually multiple weeks
               | long. This is because when you go off hormonal birth
               | control the first thing that happens is you have a
               | period, then you need to stop taking it long enough for
               | your body to rebuild the lining enough to be receptive.
               | 
               | You really have to not be paying attention to your
               | partner, or your partner and your lifestyle is that
               | neither of you live closely, for this to just happen.
               | 
               | Additionally, I feel this amount of mistrust should say a
               | lot more about the relationship than about the woman. If
               | you don't trust your partner not to go off her birth
               | control for multiple weeks to get secretly pregnant with
               | someone else, why are you their partner? frankly your
               | partner deserves better than you.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | What are the compelling reasons not to get a DNA test as
               | a man (when a woman is claiming, "You are the biological
               | father of this baby.")?
               | 
               | Is it expensive or illegal or will your friends shame you
               | or the woman will be angry?
        
               | rayiner wrote:
               | What are compelling reasons to get one? Worst case
               | scenario, you have baby.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | I do not want to invest significant resources into
               | progeny that is not my own. Doing a paternity test
               | reduces the possibility of this.
        
               | [deleted]
        
               | amanaplanacanal wrote:
               | Although I realize there are people that think this way,
               | this is totally removed from the way my mind works.
               | 
               | You wanted a baby, you are there when your partner gives
               | birth, you are both happy. What difference does it make
               | where the DNA came from?
               | 
               | There are plenty of folks who have to rely on sperm
               | donors or surrogate mothers to make a baby happen.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | > You wanted a baby, you are there when your partner
               | gives birth, you are both happy. What difference does it
               | make where the DNA came from?
               | 
               | Thinking about raising a baby from some other father
               | activates my disgust reaction. But maybe it's more
               | related to the idea of the woman's (hidden?) infidelity
               | than the baby itself.
               | 
               | > There are plenty of folks who have to rely on sperm
               | donors or surrogate mothers to make a baby happen.
               | 
               | I don't see other people's difficulties as relevant to my
               | preferences.
               | 
               | For example, homeless people eating from trash cans
               | doesn't affect my dietary choices.
        
               | dash2 wrote:
               | In this case, it would show that he doesn't trust his
               | wife.
        
               | john1633 wrote:
               | On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, if it's truly
               | his child, why would his wife be opposed to verifying
               | that? Not to mention that it can likely be done without
               | her knowledge.
        
               | SamoyedFurFluff wrote:
               | Suggesting that not only do you not trust your wife but
               | you also don't trust her so much so that you get a
               | paternity test without her knowledge shows a huge lack of
               | faith in the relationship, and I would caution against
               | this. Please remember the original circumstance is that a
               | woman ends up pregnant on an imperfect birth control;
               | there's no reason or contextual evidence for any sort of
               | cheating behavior. Assuming your partner is cheating
               | _with no evidence_ sucks. Assuming your partner might be
               | cheating so much so you have to get a paternity test
               | sucks even more for the non-cheating partner.
               | 
               | This is in situations where a heterosexual woman gets
               | suspicious if her partner has literally any female
               | friends. What if she started going around and wanting
               | paternity tests of your friend group if they happen to be
               | pregnant, just to make sure you didn't cheat with any of
               | your friends, despite you remaining faithful the entire
               | time?
        
               | vincentmarle wrote:
               | Like OP said: trust but verify. Speaking from experience,
               | lol.
        
               | SamoyedFurFluff wrote:
               | I'm sorry your trust was violated. Your traumatic
               | experience where your trust was violated shouldn't be
               | used as a warning label for others. There is no reason to
               | advocate that other people behave as if their partners
               | are unfaithful without prior evidence because you
               | personally were wronged in a deeply hurtful way.
               | 
               | It is important to healthily evaluate what is a
               | relatively uncommon but seriously hurtful thing that
               | happened to oneself and how that distorts one's
               | understanding of what's normal behavior in intimate
               | relationships.
        
               | rayiner wrote:
               | It's very kind of you to write this all out, but frankly
               | if you're the kind of person who worries about stuff like
               | that you'll poison your relationship with distrust
               | regardless. If not this than something else.
        
               | SamoyedFurFluff wrote:
               | I wouldn't go so far as to say someone can't worry about
               | stuff like this. Emotions like worry can happen as a
               | result of prior trauma, generalized anxiety disorder, and
               | several illnesses that have paranoia in their symptom
               | profile. It's fine to have worries and that manage your
               | worries in a healthy manner, such as therapy, medication
               | when appropriate, meditation, and speaking transparently
               | to your partner to try and figure out what is triggering
               | your worry response (rubber ducking your own brain!).
               | 
               | It's important to separate emotion from action. You can
               | experience an anxiety inducing thought (such as my
               | partner might be cheating on me) and behave in a variety
               | of healthy and unhealthy ways.
        
               | burrows wrote:
               | IMO you make a wise point:
               | 
               | Doing a paternity test may necessarily or inadvertently
               | reveal to his wife a limit of his trust for her.
        
               | gitfan86 wrote:
               | I would say it is more likely that consciously or
               | unconsciously the woman started missing pills the month
               | before. The couple was already considering it so it
               | wasn't a big deal if she missed some pills. My wife and I
               | were very fertile, we got pregnant on the first try every
               | time we tried. I suspect that the birth control was
               | barely working.
        
               | Taylor_OD wrote:
               | I don't know why DNA tests are not standard practice.
               | It's easy and you are already at the hospital.
        
         | dskloet wrote:
         | I thought the contraceptive doesn't prevent the pregnancy but
         | just causes the body to menstruate regardless. So she might
         | have been pregnant many times but this time it wasn't
         | terminated by mensuration? (I'm certainly not very confident in
         | my understanding.)
        
           | nl wrote:
           | No, this is incorrect.
           | 
           | > The birth control pill works by stopping sperm from joining
           | with an egg. When sperm joins with an egg it's called
           | fertilization.
           | 
           | > The hormones in the pill safely stop ovulation. No
           | ovulation means there's no egg for sperm to fertilize, so
           | pregnancy can't happen.
           | 
           | > The pill's hormones also thicken the mucus on the cervix.
           | This thicker cervical mucus blocks sperm so it can't swim to
           | an egg -- kind of like a sticky security guard.
           | 
           | https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-
           | control/birth-...
        
             | KyeRussell wrote:
             | Or as my partner says: my tummy is making a baby nest, but
             | it's always empty.
        
             | jonstaab wrote:
             | This is correct with the additional caveat that the pill
             | also thins the uterine lining, making it difficult for the
             | embryo to implant in the rare event of fertilization. So
             | for people concerned about avoiding an abortion, the pill
             | rarely, but not never, results in abortion.
        
           | gwbas1c wrote:
           | I vaguely remember misinformation about birth control in
           | Catholic school. They told us that IUDs kill fertilized eggs.
           | 
           | It was completely wrong.
        
         | gwbas1c wrote:
         | Yeah, my wife an I had the conversation and decided that she
         | was going to go off of birth control in a few weeks. Two weeks
         | later, she missed her period.
         | 
         | I promised to get a vasectomy on the spot.
         | 
         | A few weeks later she learned that her sister also had an oops.
         | They both gave birth within a few days of each other.
        
         | brailsafe wrote:
        
         | rayiner wrote:
         | Typically, it's 99% per year or something like that. Even with
         | perfect use that's a 1 in 10 chance per decade.
        
           | Taylor_OD wrote:
           | Yeah I always wondered what the 99% actually means. 99% of
           | the times you have intercourse? 99% out of 100? 99% per some
           | time frame?
           | 
           | The pill always worried me a bit when younger because most
           | women I knew didnt take it religiously at the same time
           | everyday and it wasnt clear if we were then... 75% safe? 50%
           | safe? 98% safe?
           | 
           | I guess it was enough safe enough for me but I imagine it
           | could have gone the other way pretty easily.
        
             | reducesuffering wrote:
             | Birth control metrics are almost always phrased as "X %
             | couples having regular intercourse won't get pregnant." So
             | pill and IUD being 99% means 1 / 100 heterosexual couples
             | will get pregnant every year, on average.
        
         | tsol wrote:
         | Who first started the conversation? I wonder if the hormones
         | swirling through her system made her more likely to feel ready
         | for a child. Or perhaps the pregnancy induced change in her
         | pheromones suddenly made you feel more nurturing of her.
         | Probably not, but it's funny how sometimes things work out like
         | that
        
       | blumomo wrote:
       | Sometimes you need to let go your wishes fully go for them to
       | become true.
        
       | gfodor wrote:
       | Something tells me Lucas is going to be a bit of a
       | procrastinator. Congratulations :)
        
       | ardillamorris wrote:
       | what an incredible hope-giving story!
        
       | gordon_freeman wrote:
       | Wow I am not too religious a person but after reading this I have
       | to say...when God (or some higher force) is with you, miracles
       | likes this can happen.
        
         | bigDinosaur wrote:
         | It sounds like you are comparatively very religious compared to
         | me. Rare events happen with a certain probability. What
         | happened here was not impossible by any known law of biology or
         | physics or whatever.
        
         | rayiner wrote:
         | God loves babies and wants us to be happy. Risked waking my 8
         | month old to give him a squeeze.
        
           | pithon wrote:
           | (1) not all of them, apparently, and (2) it seems arrogant to
           | claim that.
        
             | rayiner wrote:
             | Not the dunk you think it is for the billions of people who
             | believe in a personal god and life everlasting.
        
           | floodyberry- wrote:
           | For something that supposedly loves babies, "god" sure enjoys
           | spontaneously aborting them
           | 
           | https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/372193v1
        
           | koolba wrote:
           | Another reason why it's great to have many, you can round
           | robin the one you wake up hugging in the middle of the night.
        
         | progman32 wrote:
         | I call that force m'lady of large numbers and survivorship
         | bias, or simply lady luck for short :)
        
       | thematrixturtle wrote:
       | When my wife and I decided to try for a baby and stopped using
       | protection, the very first pregnancy test she ever took was
       | positive, and we weren't sure we were reading it right because
       | we'd never done this before. Unfortunately she miscarried pretty
       | much immediately (fetus never developed a heartbeat).
       | 
       | We tried again, but had no luck for several years and eventually
       | made an appointment with a fertility clinic. Literally the very
       | next day she tested positive, and we now have two kids.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | rakibtg wrote:
       | I am in tears, also feeling happy for you!
        
       | strickman wrote:
        
       | baali wrote:
       | The odds of this happening! Beautiful. I wish the best for Lucas
       | and the family.
        
       | maddynator wrote:
       | Got damn. I was so scared to finish the article. Glad i pushed
       | through it
        
       | graderjs wrote:
       | What a beautiful story. A special little baby. I wish her and you
       | both the happiest of families forever! :)
        
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       (page generated 2022-03-24 23:02 UTC)