[HN Gopher] Finding Your Swagger
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Finding Your Swagger
        
       Author : exolymph
       Score  : 135 points
       Date   : 2021-11-17 22:07 UTC (1 days ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (kevinyien.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (kevinyien.com)
        
       | agd wrote:
       | Thanks Kevin for writing this up.
       | 
       | It's very hard to know the exact circumstances from one side of
       | the story, but I agree wholeheartedly with voicing opinions when
       | important, even if difficult or 'not your place'.
       | 
       | And of course, it's usually a sign something has gone wrong with
       | people management if someone is very surprised when they're
       | fired.
        
       | julik wrote:
       | It is impressive how, when we get into situations like this, an
       | executive first absorbs all the knowledge we can provide, then
       | swindles the employee (because they have firing power) and then
       | it is _on the employee_ to feel bad, to regurgitate and to
       | reflect "how to improve oneself". Brings tears to my eyes.
        
       | mrdobalina wrote:
       | What a great story... sounds like the guy learned how to like the
       | smell of his own farts after being fired by an exploitative
       | (typical startup bs) employer.
        
       | keeptrying wrote:
       | Kevin, we met in SF. you have a habit of being hard on yourself
       | and giving others the benefit of a doubt.
       | 
       | I agree with others here - this was a toxic work culture. None of
       | this was your fault but your method of building back up your
       | confidence seems useful.
       | 
       | Also anyone who fires someone with a pregnant wife is a repugnant
       | human being.
        
       | Bhilai wrote:
       | > [6] Fortunately, the company agreed to provide COBRA which
       | would cover our insurance costs for the delivery.
       | 
       | This is so crazy and why employer based insurance cannot be a
       | safety net in the case you end up needing an expensive treatment
       | while also losing your job.
        
         | gambiting wrote:
         | It's even more crazy that you can be just fired on the spot
         | like this. American employment system just fills me with dread
         | when I think about it. But I guess people advocate for it
         | because "it will never happen to them"?
        
           | piaste wrote:
           | From what I heard - anecdotes from my online friends' parents
           | and grandparents - in the mid-20th century it _used_ to be
           | ridiculously easy to get a job, for all social classes.
           | 
           | One anecdote that stuck in my mind was someone's grandfather
           | in the 1950s quitting and going to work to a different
           | factory _only_ because they gave one week 's pay in advance
           | and they needed the money to take a girl on a date that
           | weekend.
           | 
           | Nowadays I hear things have changed a _tiny_ little bit. But
           | if you 're a software engineer who reads Hacker News, you
           | probably still don't need to worry much about finding a job
           | at all, only about finding an enjoyable job in the right
           | place that ensures a sufficiently upper-class salary.
        
         | sangnoir wrote:
         | If we're in a one-sided class war, insurance and share-based
         | 401k's are the capital-classes trojan horses.
        
       | zaphar wrote:
       | Many folks are rightly pointing out that the picture of the
       | company painted in this article sounds pretty toxic. I want to
       | mention one point about confidence or as Kevin calls it swagger.
       | 
       | Confidence, let's you say I'm valuable enough that I can find
       | another job. It gives you negotiation leverage. Confidence
       | empowers you to write to the CEO and say things like: It is
       | beginning to look like my expertise and skills are no longer
       | valued here. As a result, I started looking around and I have an
       | offer from another company where I feel like I can better
       | contribute. Confidence changes things so that you are never
       | really trapped at at toxic company.
        
       | roopawl wrote:
       | I hope OP realizes this is a toxic work environment
        
       | tibbar wrote:
       | Management failed him. Getting slowly shut out for months, one
       | bit of cryptic feedback from the CEO, and then fired a few months
       | later without warning? This is how a company destroys its talent
       | base.
        
         | sunir wrote:
         | I'll take it further. Who cares about the company? It's how
         | people destroy human beings.
        
       | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
       | I appreciate the honesty of the post.
       | 
       | For myself, I don't think having "swagger" is particularly
       | constructive. Ego is a mind-killer. It is selling smoke.
       | 
       | I'm quite good at what I do. In some things, I am _very_ good;
       | but at many, _many_ other things, I still have a lot to learn,
       | and in other areas, it's best I stay out of the kitchen,
       | entirely.
       | 
       | In the areas in which I excel, I often exude great confidence,
       | which is sometimes mistaken for arrogance.
       | 
       | The key difference, though, is that I'm quite aware that I have
       | yet to reach the summit. False confidence is a lie, but so is
       | false humility. I'm good at what I do. I want people to feel
       | assured. Confidence is a trait that helps to add to a team
       | environment. Arrogance is corrosive. It damages a team.
       | 
       | Regardless of how good I get, I've learned that kindness,
       | respect, and empathy never go out of style. I can always listen
       | to others, and treat them well. And, even more important; _I
       | always have something to learn._
       | 
       | If I am working for others; either as an employee, or under
       | contract, _they are the boss_. They may make rash, uninformed
       | decisions, give terrible orders, and treat me (or worse, my work)
       | like crap. _I have to tuck in my bib, pick up a spoon, and engage
       | in coprophagy_. It sucks, but that's life. I had to deal with it
       | for a long, long time, and am grateful that I am finally free of
       | it.
       | 
       | I was a manager for a long time. I was a very good one, but I
       | _hated_ that job. I did a _lot_ of open-source work during that
       | time, as it kept me sane. Being humble was not a problem. I
       | wasn't that high on the food chain, and my bib was quite stained.
       | 
       | During a long career, filled with bad decisions and mistakes, I
       | have learned that there's really no substitute for the kind of
       | self-confidence (and humility) that is wrought by _experience_.
       | 
       |  _"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad
       | judgment."_
        
         | jimbokun wrote:
         | > In the areas in which I excel, I often exude great
         | confidence, which is sometimes mistaken for arrogance.
         | 
         | Isn't that how the article defines swagger?
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | mattcwilson wrote:
         | The unegotistical, realistic, quiet, but firm self-confidence
         | you're describing seems to me to be exactly what the author's
         | labelling "swagger." Is this maybe just a terminology quibble?
         | 
         | > What is swagger? For me, it's knowing what you're good at and
         | acting accordingly -- earned confidence. But it's not
         | arrogance. Your behavior and ability are in lock step.
         | 
         | > Be assertive and opinionated even when you aren't as sure. Go
         | back to having strong beliefs. Know your beliefs. Hold onto
         | them.
         | 
         | > Don't be an asshole about it, but push for what you need and
         | don't give in to every request.
         | 
         | Separately, and speaking as a current manager: the _last_ thing
         | I want is for the people on my team to just blithely go along,
         | "just following orders," if (when, and probably frequently) I'm
         | asking for something shortsighted, ill-considered, or just
         | plain stupid. I _crave_ feedback from the talented experts on
         | my team because it helps make sure we're not suffering from
         | blind spots, silos, or echo chambers. Like you're saying:
         | experience has taught me that I always have something to learn.
        
           | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
           | You are correct. I just don't like the term "swagger." Like I
           | said, I really appreciated the article, and its tone.
           | 
           | It's just that words matter. In my experience, many folks run
           | with the first dictionary listing, and ignore any nuances.
           | 
           | https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/swagger
           | 
           | I prefer "confidence."
           | 
           | https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/confidence
           | 
           | And, to your second point, one of the reasons that I was a
           | good manager, was because I actively solicited and valued
           | pushback from my employees. This was seldom a luxury that I
           | was given, by my superiors.
           | 
           | And, as a "gentleman of a certain age," I'll lay odds that a
           | big reason for ageism in tech, is because most tech managers
           | don't want to hire people that may have the ability,
           | backbone, and judgment to push back on badly-formed
           | strategies. I managed a "tiger team" of experienced C++
           | engineers. I _had_ to pay attention to them, and treat them
           | with respect.
        
             | simonbarker87 wrote:
             | This is something that military officer training (at least
             | in the UK) teaches very well. You may have a degree and
             | have gone to Sandhurst but woe betide any junior office who
             | doesn't listen to their experienced NCOs.
        
         | SavantIdiot wrote:
         | > Ego is a mind-killer. It is selling smoke.
         | 
         | I think you might be misunderstanding ego.
         | 
         | That's like saying, "The engine in your car is bad." It's not
         | good or bad, it's a part of your car. Ego is part of the triad
         | of the Freudian model of the human mind.
         | 
         | When people use ego the way you are using it, they are usually
         | referring to a narcissistic personality disorder. Instead,
         | cognitive behavioral therapists will refer to "ego strength".
         | Which is important for healthy functioning.
         | 
         | "Ego strength" is what the author is referring to. It is how we
         | act assertively, instead of aggressively (bad) or passive-
         | aggressively (also bad). This is a widespread confusion on HN,
         | people think being assertive is the same as being aggressive,
         | or being a narcissist.
         | 
         | A person with low ego strength will act in a passive-aggressive
         | way rather than be forthcoming, they will allow their
         | boundaries to be ignored. Ego strength is how we hang on to
         | ourselves.
         | 
         | Ego strength is critical for a mental well-being. That is what
         | this article is about.
        
           | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
           | _> I don 't think you understand what ego is._
           | 
           | Be kind. I thought we weren't supposed to do this stuff,
           | 'round these parts; but I'm often wrong.
           | 
           | Actually, I know about the Freud stuff, and the _scientific_
           | meaning of  "ego."
           | 
           | Basically, the meaning that almost no one actually ever
           | attributes to the word.
           | 
           | Words tend to adapt to the meaning that is most often applied
           | to them. Dictionary be damned. It's _how people actually use
           | the word_ , that defines it.
           | 
           | For example, look up the etymology of "nice." (It made me
           | change "be nice," to "be kind").
           | 
           |  _> This is a widespread confusion on HN, people think being
           | assertive is the same as being aggressive, or being a
           | narcissist._
           | 
           | My take on "the Modern Societal Zeitgeist," so to speak, is
           | that aggressiveness, narcissism, avarice, arrogance, and just
           | plain ol' bein' cruel, are traits to be _admired_ , and
           | emulated; especially amongst the types of people that run
           | businesses.
           | 
           | Those of us that speak to being kind, empathetic, or
           | generous, are often attacked, and mocked as being "weak."
        
             | SavantIdiot wrote:
             | > Be kind.
             | 
             | Would "I think you might be misunderstanding ego" have been
             | a better way to phrase it?
             | 
             | > are traits to be admired
             | 
             | Oh I agree, I am not making a claim about what HN-types
             | revere, I was addressing how two very distinct
             | psychological terms are often misused. Like, for example,
             | if I kept calling C an interpreted language; or claimed
             | there's no difference between TCP or UDP; that's the same
             | as equating assertiveness and aggression that I quite
             | frequently see here.
        
               | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
               | _> Would  "I think you might be misunderstanding ego"
               | have been a better way to phrase it?_
               | 
               | No.
               | 
               | "The way that I understand the word 'ego,' is thus..."
               | 
               | If you _really_ can 't live without applying a slap, may
               | I suggest:
               | 
               | "I feel that this word is often misused. The way that I
               | understand the word is ... If it is applied in the way
               | that I understand it, then ..."
               | 
               | I'm a fairly decent chap. I have some experience and
               | knowledge, relevant to the OP. I'm not at all interested
               | in being a bloviatasaurus, and, if presented with
               | corrections, or alternative points of view, I'm always
               | more than willing to concede the point. I'm not really
               | interested in being a foil to someone's strawman.
        
           | hinkley wrote:
           | As I read this I kept finding my mind pulled toward
           | metallurgical concepts. A rigid ego gets people into lots of
           | trouble. They lead people down dark alleyways. They break
           | instead of bend, leaving sharp edges everywhere that hurt
           | everyone around them.
           | 
           | Flexible people can either be door stops or assertive, and
           | which they are has to do with how much they think of their
           | own opinions and abilities.
           | 
           | Strength doesn't have to mean rigid, and there are multiple
           | neuroses depending on which mix you're discussing. 'Ego-
           | strength' suggests one dimension which IMO simply muddies the
           | waters.
        
             | SavantIdiot wrote:
             | The difference is "ego strength" is a real term used by
             | real mental health professionals, and your analogy to
             | metallurgical concepts is something you invented. Ironic,
             | that in a discussion about ego and narcissism you would
             | dismiss medical terms as "muddying the waters" and try to
             | replace them with your own beliefs to benefit your opinion.
        
         | atoav wrote:
         | > "Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from
         | bad judgment."
         | 
         | And if you are clever you also get your experience from bad
         | judgment _others_ make.
        
           | ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
           | Yup.
           | 
           | Another favorite aphorism:
           | 
           |  _" A fool never learns. A smart man learns from his
           | mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others."_
           | 
           | One problem that I have with people being given huge
           | responsibility, before getting much experience, is that we
           | haven't had time to see others make mistakes.
           | 
           | One key reason that I was a good manager, was that I had many
           | bad managers, and learned what _not_ to do.
        
       | smilekzs wrote:
       | Somehow reminded me of "Getting in the room, and stay there".
       | 
       | https://staffeng.com/guides/getting-in-the-room
       | 
       | Funny, because someone with a similar role from my workplace just
       | recently left for roughly the same reason (at least peacefully).
       | Basically when the gatekeeper(s) of The Room made it clear that
       | you are not welcome, there is little you could do other than
       | walking.
        
       | pc86 wrote:
       | > _I let my title, rather than my beliefs, dictate my actions._
       | 
       | On the flip side, I've worked with junior and mid-level
       | developers who want to have the entire context of every executive
       | decision, and worse want to second-guess and judge those
       | decisions rather than implement the feature or fix the bug they
       | were told to.
       | 
       | I think more information is almost always better, but sometimes
       | you just need to get your work done. Titles are a very rough and
       | arbitrary way of trying to draw those boundaries between what
       | you're supposed to decide, what you're supposed to influence, and
       | what you're supposed to accept.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | strogonoff wrote:
       | From more of an engineering standpoint, those meetings with the
       | COO seemed like textbook knowledge transfer to me, except the
       | context (that the subject was not made aware of the nature of
       | this event and his upcoming firing) reflects really bad on this
       | company's management.
       | 
       | It reads as if the upper management treated the employee as a
       | highly unpredictable individual who would undermine the company
       | out of spite. They might have thought: if the author were to be
       | informed in advance about potential firing, he would become...
       | "problematic", hold a grudge, sabotage knowledge transfer, leak
       | something, or use the advance notice for some diversion and
       | future legal action.
       | 
       | On the face of it, this would point to insecurity or nearly-
       | psychopathic tendencies in the employee--but, I suspect, it
       | actually points to somebody in upper management who, probably due
       | to childhood trauma, operates this way in life and hurts others
       | by presuming they're the same.
        
         | notreallyserio wrote:
         | On the other hand it could have been the COO trying to give
         | Kevin a chance to show he's on board with the product
         | direction, and the whiteboarding showed otherwise. Who knows?
        
           | djur wrote:
           | "Who knows?" is exactly the problem here. No transparency.
        
             | notreallyserio wrote:
             | Sure, but it's a blog post. I don't think we can expect to
             | get both sides of the story here.
        
       | aj7 wrote:
       | I saw elements of my own experience everywhere here.
       | 
       | But:
       | 
       | "4] This is a weird but recurring behavior of mine. When sitting
       | with a (professional) group for the first time, I will always put
       | myself at the edge. It's not because I'm avoiding the "power
       | position" or anything. It's that I prefer to observe everyone
       | first. And the best place to do that, is from the edge."
       | 
       | No. No. In American society, this 1-1.5 sigma deviant behavior.
       | You were broadcasting, "I'm considering, on my terms, whether or
       | not to join this group." Consider overriding this strategy, even
       | if it is "work." In a group, I would consider trying to sit as
       | close to the center of mass as possible.
        
       | nothis wrote:
       | I'm sorry, but I can't connect the dots in that story.
       | 
       | 1) He did great (like, there's actual metrics mentioned)
       | 
       | 2) Others wanted a different direction (even though he did
       | great?) and didn't tell him
       | 
       | 3) They excluded him from meetings
       | 
       | 4) They fired him
       | 
       | 5) He blamed not "re-centering" himself
       | 
       | In the notes, he mentions that one of his later decisions
       | (splitting engineering) was a bad choice. So isn't that the core
       | of it, then?
       | 
       | The way he describes it, it sounds like the problem was him not
       | being himself but it sounds like it's a simple management error
       | that the others were too socially awkward to point out to him,
       | instead firing him outright.
        
         | roland35 wrote:
         | I hope no one comes away after reading this thinking it is a
         | good way to run a company. It is not!
         | 
         | If you are making any decision, it is on you to seek out and
         | include all relevant stakeholders and include them. People
         | should not have to walk around sniffing for meetings that they
         | weren't invited to and pushing their opinions in so that they
         | feel heard.
         | 
         | I trust my coworkers to include me if they want my opinion, and
         | I trust them to make a good decision on their own if they
         | don't!
        
         | bambax wrote:
         | Yes, it's quite obscure. The meeting with the COO that asks for
         | a brain dump and then fire him the morning after is the most
         | troubling.
         | 
         | Did the COO want to get what was on his mind so the company
         | would lose nothing by firing him? Or was he utterly
         | disappointed about said mind?
         | 
         | I really don't understand what any of this has to do with
         | swagger.
         | 
         | Yet it is true you have to find it, and it's not obvious. Many
         | times, what you're good at is what you can do better than
         | others with less effort. But we can't see it because we
         | associate value with effort; if it's easy for me then surely
         | it's worthless?
         | 
         | Well, no. If it's easy for you (and difficult for others) then
         | that's your trade.
        
           | [deleted]
        
         | xyzzy123 wrote:
         | Mainly it sounds like a failure to connect with everyone else
         | and read the room.
         | 
         | This is "getting kicked out of the tribe" 101 and people are
         | normally very sensitive to this. But as a new leader it's hard
         | to understand all your status relationships (and that the
         | happiness of the people under you on the org chart affects the
         | happiness of the people listed above you).
         | 
         | You can disagree with everyone else, you can be overridden (and
         | quit, or disagree and commit or whatever you have to do) but
         | not to see it coming is to live in a fundamentally different
         | reality than your team.
         | 
         | One thing I notice is a lot of words devoted to senior
         | leadership and the author's personal leadership experience but
         | not much focus on the experience or input of the (100+) people
         | doing the work. The reason you don't fire a really good leader
         | is because they'll take the team with them! The blog post is a
         | bit of a Rorschach test but for me that's how I parse the blind
         | spot.
         | 
         | I actually think it's a great blog post due to the Rashomon
         | effect it seems to provoke among people who read it.
        
           | dkarl wrote:
           | I have had a hard experience with that (as an IC) as well,
           | finding myself isolated at my current job and unable to exert
           | any influence. All the developers I work with have been at
           | the same job for 5+ years and don't have a clue that the team
           | is massively underperforming, their release and operational
           | support processes take much more work and are less reliable
           | than the same processes at other companies, the codebase
           | seems almost intentionally hostile to new contributors (to
           | the point of caricature; any description would come off as
           | comic exaggeration,) but they think they're doing great and
           | have all the answers, and every time I suggest improvements
           | they respond like, "Well, actually, the reason it's better to
           | do it our way is because..." and from that point on they are
           | talking and not listening. All the other developers they
           | hired in the last five years are gone, probably because they
           | weren't listened to.
           | 
           | I don't know if the isolation happened suddenly or gradually.
           | I realized it all at once, but by the time I did, it had been
           | happening for so long I don't know how it started. Somehow
           | people stopped telling me what was going on and stopped
           | consulting me on new decisions. I am the last person to find
           | out about anything. One part of their existing pathology is a
           | background churn of unilateral, unannounced, shuffling-the-
           | deck-chairs "improvements" that cause a lot of errors and
           | interruptions without making a worthwhile difference, but
           | this is different. Even the changes that are formally talked
           | about are talked about without me.
           | 
           | I know that leadership has my back (they came into the
           | picture more recently and can see that the team is
           | underperforming) and they are planning changes that include
           | me, but other than management, which is detached from day-to-
           | day work, I'm on an island. Reading between the lines, I
           | think I was brought in to try to fix the team, but without
           | any management authority (and management not involved day-to-
           | day) and with the team just ignoring my ideas and trying to
           | assimilate me into their way of doing things, I have
           | accomplished almost nothing on that score. Meanwhile, my
           | social isolation is such that I can't stand to stick around
           | much longer. I am going to go somewhere where I can be part
           | of a team again.
           | 
           | EDIT: Reading the article through fully, I think I should
           | learn from his characterization of "swagger" (though I don't
           | think the word is quite right.) When I wasn't listened to
           | after repeated attempts to make the same point with the
           | people who needed to hear it, I shouldn't have stopped
           | talking. I should have kept saying the same thing whenever it
           | was warranted. I should have talked louder. I should have
           | taken my points to venues that included a larger audience
           | than just the people who needed to act on them. I should have
           | pressured management to put their weight behind me. I didn't
           | do these things because I didn't want to be an asshole, and I
           | didn't want to alienate people, and maybe because I was
           | afraid of inviting open aggression against myself, but I
           | should have been prepared to stand up to that. Why was I
           | avoiding confrontation instead of inviting it? Maybe because
           | I wasn't confident in my ability to argue my points in the
           | face of hostility, but if that's the case, I should be
           | practicing it more, not avoiding it.
        
           | ilteris wrote:
           | I have a similar problem in my workplace. I have a hard time
           | reading what's going on in the room or the relationships
           | between ups and downs. It's exhausting. Is there a playbook
           | for this type of thing?
        
             | khafra wrote:
             | The book Moral Mazes is the best guide I know of. The basic
             | takeaway is that if you're in middle management, it's
             | already too late, you poor sucker.
             | 
             | https://hbr.org/1983/09/moral-mazes-bureaucracy-and-
             | manageri... https://www.lesswrong.com/tag/moral-mazes
        
               | hitekker wrote:
               | I strongly recommend Moral Mazes. It's great reading for
               | anyone who wants to achieve some level of honesty as a
               | manager. It also arouses the ire of dishonest or
               | duplicitous managers, which is another useful social
               | signal to account for.
        
             | [deleted]
        
             | [deleted]
        
           | le-mark wrote:
           | For convenience;
           | 
           | https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashomon_effect
        
         | soneca wrote:
         | I think the "lost swagger" thing is that there was a decision
         | made behind closed doors that he knew was bad and chose not to
         | speak up. So when that decision indeed caused something bad, he
         | emailed the CEO explaining why they should have know it was bad
         | from the start. And the CEO complained that he was hired to
         | "speak up" and he didn't. And instead of bouncing back, he
         | spiraled downwards (presumably doing a very bad job and
         | justifying his firing).
         | 
         | If he had the confidence to come back to who he was, even after
         | being targeted by jealous executives and messing up with one
         | decision (splitting the eng team), he would have done a better
         | job.
         | 
         | That's my take of it
        
           | mistersquid wrote:
           | > So when that decision indeed caused something bad, he
           | emailed the CEO explaining why they should have know it was
           | bad from the start.
           | 
           | Given the meetings where decisions were being made were
           | happening behind closed doors, he very well may have
           | complained about a direction the CEO had chosen.
           | 
           | Too many blind spots.
        
         | princeofxanadu wrote:
         | I can perceive a lack of openness in the startup Kevin was
         | working for. For instance, why did the C.E.O, the C.O.O and the
         | team exclude him blindly rather than communicate?
        
       | benjaminwootton wrote:
       | I agree with the other commenters that the guy was treated badly
       | here. Impulsive hire, no feedback, poor communication, dumped
       | unceremoniously. He sounds like a great employee who will do
       | better elsewhere.
       | 
       | I do think Swagger/Mojo is important in a work context though, as
       | it is in other areas such as sports.
       | 
       | Some people seem to make 1 or 2 good decisions, make a good
       | impression, then their charisma and confidence propels them to
       | leadership positions in a virtuous signal despite them being
       | nothing special. They will then get to ride off the backs of
       | others success if the project is going well.
       | 
       | I've had a few jobs and projects myself where I seem to go from
       | success to responsibility and respect undeservedly so, then
       | others where I just can't seem to get the virtuous circle
       | spinning. It's totally down to X factors like perception,
       | confidence and personal fit rather than ability and decision
       | making.
       | 
       | As a manager I've even seen his the cards can be stacked in the
       | early hours or weeks of a new gig. If someone comes in, is
       | switched on, personable and makes some good decisions, it is
       | incredibly difficult to stop that virtuous circle even if it
       | isn't deserved.
        
       | xutopia wrote:
       | Your performance at a job is not limited to solely your behavior
       | but that of the team. If the team is not leveraging your skills
       | and sideline you then of course you're going to feel bad... just
       | like you think it's not healthy to blame them... it's not healthy
       | to blame yourself. Sometimes it's simply not the team you're
       | going to be doing your best work with.
        
       | oliv__ wrote:
       | I appreciated the honesty in this piece but something in the way
       | the author places all blame on himself struck me as inappropriate
       | (at least if I were putting myself in his shoes):
       | 
       |  _" I thought about my best moments. I thought about my worst
       | moments. I derived the behaviors and attributes that led to each.
       | I wrote a list of personal values"_
       | 
       | I don't think it's right or even helpful to try to quantify and
       | reduce a human being to a list of values and pluses or minuses.
       | Saying that you "lost yourself" and need to find it back sounds
       | like agreeing with the premise that you fit in this neat mold
       | that the CEO and COO have defined for you and puts you in danger
       | of "losing your shape" whenever those people decide so.
       | 
       | It sounds like a very externally-oriented appraisal of one's
       | self.
        
       | yobbo wrote:
       | > When you spend time alone, you are left with nothing but
       | yourself. And only from there can you find yourself, and your
       | swagger, again.
       | 
       | Not always. Some depend on others to "build them up", and they
       | crumble if isolated.
       | 
       | Also, what is good for the company is not necessarily good for
       | you. But this is true for all employees, therefore there is
       | nothing contradictory with people being "justifiably" motivated
       | to take actions that are detrimental to the company. For example,
       | excluding and railroading you.
       | 
       | The only solution with those people is to enter into political
       | dramas. If that doesn't sound attractive, go elsewhere.
       | 
       | > knowing what you're good at and acting accordingly -- earned
       | confidence
       | 
       | It's possible to make the mistake believing that competence holds
       | currency. In some environments (maybe like in the company in
       | question), it's rather "swagger" or "momentum" that is rewarded.
        
       | 5754797 wrote:
       | This is the cycle at all companies.
       | 
       | People join, politics gets played out, people leave or are fired,
       | those in power consolidate their position.
       | 
       | I've never lacked swagger but I've been the powerful and I've
       | also been the fired.
       | 
       | It's not personal, it's politics. Just find somewhere else that
       | you fit better.
        
       | Lurkynerd wrote:
       | Fast hire, fast fire.
       | 
       | OP is taking way too much on himself. I understand, and to a
       | point respect the personal responsibility he takes, but he's
       | going way overboard here. Perfectionism is the enemy of growth
       | sometimes.
        
       | Toutouxc wrote:
       | Kevin, I'm sorry that you had to go through this. If going
       | through this brought you some fresh kind of insight or helped you
       | grow as a person and a professional, then great, but I feel like
       | going to the COO's house and pissing on their doormat would also
       | be a pretty appropriate response to what they did to you.
        
       | kubb wrote:
       | He challenged an egomaniac boss (by private email) and got fired,
       | did I get it right?
        
         | Rastonbury wrote:
         | Not sure if it was the boss or the political players whispering
         | in the CEO's ears and wanting to take him down.
        
         | treme wrote:
         | The way CEO responded to his letter doesn't make it like he was
         | an egomaniac.
         | 
         | Sounded more like COO & his clique felt threatened by him and
         | he got out maneuvered politically.
        
       | marcvizcaino wrote:
       | srgsdf
        
         | marcvizcaino wrote:
         | asdfd
        
       | keeptrying wrote:
       | This kind of "brain dump" meeting is a great signal that you are
       | possibly getting fired.
       | 
       | It also means they find you very valuable.
       | 
       | A good thing to highlight are all the things that could go wrong
       | + associated costs to company and what you're actively doing to
       | manage those problems.
       | 
       | That'll give them pause.
        
       | avtolik wrote:
       | Guys, you talk about his previous company and boss, but I don't
       | think this was the focus of the blog post.
        
         | roland35 wrote:
         | It's good to be resilient, but I think it is also important to
         | see the example workplace as what it is too. It is just as much
         | a factor in this story.
        
         | beingflo wrote:
         | You're right. But the story is presented as a personal failure
         | without critically examining if the environment had a part in
         | this.
        
         | f4stjack wrote:
         | Maybe so, but his previous company's attitude is sticking out
         | like a sore thumb it overshadows the focus you saw...
        
       | roland35 wrote:
       | This was a tough post to read, and I am glad the author was able
       | to recover and land on his feet again. But, I can't help but
       | think that this was an awful work environment.
       | 
       | First of all, no one should feel blindsided and fired like that!
       | It sounds like the only feedback he ever got was some received
       | was some vague 'get your mojo back'. Also, having to force
       | yourself into meetings is just a sign of toxic politics to me. It
       | certainly doesn't need to be a formal top down structure, but
       | when people start getting exclusionary and territorial that is a
       | bad sign.
       | 
       | I understand this is a startup, but there were 100 people! If the
       | company is counting on everyone to impulsively take initiative
       | that sounds like total chaos. Even when I worked at a company
       | with 10 people I would think through proposals, then discuss them
       | with my manager or the CEO before actually executing.
       | 
       | The last thing is that having swagger shouldn't replace
       | authenticity. People have a good ability to sniff out a phony, so
       | be yourself. If you end up in some wild chaotic environment where
       | you have to fight to survive, the best option may be to leave!
        
       | f4stjack wrote:
       | Kevin I am sorry but you are not the one that is fault at here.
       | There are several red flags but most noticably your ex firm lacks
       | accountability. You shouldn't be hired with an impulsive
       | decision, there shouldn't be closed doors decision making andyou
       | should not be blamed because you executed the decisions made
       | without your input.
       | 
       | And getting fired after a whiteboard session with no heads up?
       | Even though he knew he is going to fire you the next day? Man,
       | you are BETTER off without that company. There will be other
       | jobs, there will be other gigs but nothing is worth this.
       | 
       | My 2 cents anyway.
        
         | BlackjackCF wrote:
         | This workplace sounded VERY toxic. I feel bad for Kevin and how
         | much this workplace destroyed his self-confidence.
        
         | beingflo wrote:
         | Exactly my thoughts. They expected him to show initiative at an
         | executive level while actively being excluded despite only
         | being a PM in rank and presumably salary. Sounds like they were
         | exploiting him.
        
         | groby_b wrote:
         | So much this. Congrats, you just learned what a corporate
         | backstabbing feels like. (And a particularly nasty one. What
         | they did to you? You escaped from a place run by sociopaths.)
         | 
         | Also, please let go of the thought that companies will be in
         | any way kind to you. That you got COBRA? Your company is
         | legally obligated to extend that option. They did, literally,
         | the bare minimum they were forced to do by the law.
        
           | aj7 wrote:
           | And you paid for it, too.
        
         | anotheraccount9 wrote:
         | Sounds like an impulsive CEO, with mixed levels of trust with
         | his (vertical) team. A functional team doesn't get to be
         | intermittently inclusive, while sending mixed signals on your
         | responsibilities and expectations.
        
         | rendall wrote:
         | I came here to say exactly this, only not as well stated!
         | Kevin, this comment is _it_.
        
         | Moto7451 wrote:
         | Completely agree. Good leaders don't run around saying "well
         | you should have told me" right after giving a pretty clear
         | signal that they don't want the input.
         | 
         | Likewise, barging into meetings like a metaphorical Koolaid Man
         | or Cosmo Kramer is not going to win alignment in a Leadership
         | meeting.
         | 
         | That whole situation was no win for the author and is an
         | unrealistic standard to set, especially if the company grows.
        
         | toyg wrote:
         | _> getting fired after a whiteboard session with no heads up?
         | Even though he knew he is going to fire you the next day_
         | 
         | Clearly the actions as described, and the choice of words
         | ("complete download"), hint at the fact that they had decided
         | months in advance that he would go, and just put in action a
         | transition plan without telling him (COO more involved, etc).
         | Absolutely cynical move.
        
       | crnkofe wrote:
       | One day you're family, next day you're on the street. Never treat
       | company too intimately. If money is tight everyone becomes a
       | waste product. I'm pretty sure the writer did the best he could
       | but in the end it wasn't good enough for some reason. I don't
       | think his ability or performance had much to do with it. I felt
       | kind of similar when at some point I got fired and got told
       | management made a mistake in calculating some financials. **
       | happens. Take a walk, make an attempt to travel, procrastinate a
       | bit. Everyone's got an agenda so don't treat those exit
       | interviews and last final words too much to heart.
        
       | dustinmoris wrote:
       | We obviously don't know like 99.9% of the full story, but the
       | fact that he had a long session with the COO one evening and then
       | got fired the very next day in the morning is just plain evil and
       | wrong. It's not how you treat a human. It's disrespectful to say
       | the least. The employee went home feeling good, so the COO
       | basically charmed him up the day before firing him in order to
       | get out the last ounce of what they considered was worth getting
       | out of this employee before discarding him. That's disgusting
       | behaviour and I personally would never want to work with such a
       | COO or company at all.
       | 
       | Now on the topic of swagger. I agree, it's important to know who
       | you are and be comfortable to be that person. Every human
       | contributes in their own way. Swagger doesn't mean ego or
       | arrogance, to me swagger means you know your strengths and feel
       | comfortable to play your role in your team/community/family/etc.
       | 
       | Some people are great critical thinkers, some are great
       | motivators, jokers, conservatives and risk averse planners, etc.
       | 
       | You need all of them. Everyone has their own swagger. Some people
       | are quiet and sit in the corner of a room and throw in a critical
       | question at the right moment of a meeting which others might find
       | annoying but in the end everyone knows it was good that it
       | happened. Some talk a lot, walk into a room and make jokes and
       | struggle to sometimes focus on the topic at hand but they lift up
       | spirits and soften the mood when things get heated. Like there is
       | really no perfect human being. You need all those different
       | characters to contribute and it requires everyone to be accepting
       | of the other person in order to really become a great team. This
       | is how it works in strong families who go through thick and thin
       | and this is how it works in great performing teams.
       | 
       | Know yourself and know your swagger!
        
         | dbsmith83 wrote:
         | > You need all of them. Everyone has their own swagger...
         | 
         | Love this. It's also interesting how when someone leaves a
         | team, oftentimes teammates will step in a little to fill in the
         | role the ex-teammate used to provide. It is kind of like a form
         | a growth. I find myself thinking "What would ____ say about
         | this?"
        
       | Nekorosu wrote:
       | Really emotionally heavy read. I'm not sure how it is properly
       | called in psychology but it reminds me of Stockholm syndrome.
       | Sometimes it's hard to acknowledge you've been ***.
        
       | quickthrower2 wrote:
       | Reading this make me sad. Like the bullied kid at school vows to
       | be tougher next time. Maybe the bully was wrong instead? Good to
       | get tougher but not good to put it all in youself.
        
       | coldtea wrote:
       | Sorry, but this is internalized "blaming the victim".
       | 
       | Yes, you could have stood up when they started excluding you, but
       | they could have just as easily fired you for standing up too.
       | 
       | The environment was toxic - they excluded you behind your back,
       | the CEO blamed you for being excluded, the COO fired you
       | summarily after listening to your ideas, and they even did it as
       | your wife was 7 months pregnant (which I'm sure they knew).
       | 
       | That's not a company to work for, Swagger or not.
        
       | keeptrying wrote:
       | Confidence is a choice till it becomes a self fulfilling
       | prophecy.
       | 
       | If confidence is failing you, think about the work your grandad
       | did to make a living. ( Mine used to toil away on 3 acres of land
       | for his entire life.)
        
       | DeathArrow wrote:
       | It is not very clear why did they fire him. Did he not fulfill
       | his duties?
       | 
       | Being fired for not speaking when he was previously excluded from
       | those discussions seems absurd. Anyway, he was hired as a PO, he
       | wasn't a CTO or COO and wasn't responsible for the company
       | strategy.
       | 
       | Maybe he was fired because they didn't like him and he didn't go
       | well along with the others? That would explain also why he was
       | excluded from the discussions.
        
         | toyg wrote:
         | At managerial level, the reasons for firing can range from "his
         | underlings hated his guts and he was bakrupting the company" to
         | "he looked at me funny". If the upper management team doesn't
         | feel the connection with the mid-level, all bets are off.
         | That's why the relationships are often feudal: "I am faithful
         | to Mr. VP because I know he will protect me". If you are not
         | protected by a robust chain going all the way to the C-level,
         | then you're like grass waiting for the lawnmower.
         | 
         | In this case, it's clear that at some point upper management
         | lost faith in the guy and excluded him from steering decisions.
         | He didn't fight back. When shit finally hit the fan they gaslit
         | him by saying it was his fault, then proceeded to put in place
         | a covert transition plan without telling him. He was naive in
         | not seeing it coming, mis-identifying a series of brain dumps
         | as "reconnecting", and when they felt they had everything they
         | needed, the axe fell.
        
       | fnord77 wrote:
       | > Be assertive and opinionated even when you aren't as sure.
       | 
       | this is terrible advice.
       | 
       | Anyway, this post reminds me of the subplot in the show
       | Succession where the son-in-law thinks he's going to be promoted
       | to CEO (from some meh position) and is strutting around like he's
       | king... but in reality it is his wife that is on that track...
       | and everyone is mocking the SIL behind his back.
        
       | ryanackley wrote:
       | They had to offer you COBRA because it's the law. In fact, COBRA
       | is an acronym for the name of law that requires it (Consolidated
       | Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act). There is no reason to be
       | grateful.
        
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