[HN Gopher] An ex-FBI agent's guide to winning people over
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An ex-FBI agent's guide to winning people over
Author : blindboysnoozes
Score : 61 points
Date : 2021-10-06 17:24 UTC (5 hours ago)
(HTM) web link (memod.com)
(TXT) w3m dump (memod.com)
| jazzyjackson wrote:
| It would be nice if the FBI would win fewer people over as far as
| kidnapping and bomb plots go.
| actusual wrote:
| Is the FBI missing a lot of bomb plots?
| alisonkisk wrote:
| No, because they create most of them.
| rcurry wrote:
| Only the real ones.
| rcurry wrote:
| FBI Agent: "Who wants to be a firetruck?"
|
| Mentally Impaired Guy: "Oh! Me! Me! Me!"
|
| FBI Agent: (into secret wristwatch radio) "Get HQ on the line,
| I've got another major terror plot candidate on the hook!"
| slowhand09 wrote:
| https://tenor.com/view/how-do-you-do-fellow-kids-steve-busce...
| gvv wrote:
| Thanks Mr FBI man
| Loughla wrote:
| Every time I see one of these 'how to make friends and influence
| people' sort of lists, I can't help but fear for the young people
| who will take them as gospel and act like a robot, moving through
| them as a checklist.
|
| Also, this one is summed up as - pay attention to non-verbal
| communication (body language), pay attention to group dynamics,
| be available and in proximity when appropriate and available
| fluidly, get people to talk about themselves, and be interested
| in other people.
|
| In other words, act like a person who is trying to make friends
| with another person.
| go_prodev wrote:
| > Every time I see one of these 'how to make friends and
| influence people' sort of lists, I can't help but fear for the
| young people who will take them as gospel and act like a robot,
| moving through them as a checklist.
|
| Not a "young person" anymore, but with all of the recent
| isolation, I think this will be helpful for me and presumably
| others who are reemerging into society and hoping to find
| people to spend time with.
|
| Thanks for the tip though...must remember it's not a checklist!
| tartoran wrote:
| It seems like charming psychopaths are using most of these
| checklists to further their goals and fly under the radar. One
| must admit that these checklists are just common sense and not
| bad in themselves, what is bad is the goal of winning people
| over for attaining some nefarious goal or gain some advantage.
| d23 wrote:
| And yet it seems so rare. I can get people talking about
| themselves for an endless amount of time. Rarely do I come
| across anyone who actually seems to do the same for others.
| wayneftw wrote:
| So, giving out good advice is bad because people might follow
| it robotically or get it wrong in some other way?
|
| I'm not sure what my conclusion should be. I don't see a
| problem with this list.
| Dove wrote:
| My favorite theme of the referenced book is that the best way
| to get people to like you is to act like you care about them,
| and the best way to act like you care about them is to
| _actually care about them_. Tactics are worth knowing, but
| nothing replaces authenticity.
| agumonkey wrote:
| I concur.
|
| Also I'm fascinated how in those days, in the US, anything was
| a business. Any microscopic hurdle can be turned into profit by
| selling your experience and whatever little trick you found to
| gain whatever little edge.
|
| We're people, stop trying to have skills to win a spot in
| society.
|
| This is all fear induced, because we all feel like we need a
| spot in the social tissue. But playing that game makes you
| often very shallow.
|
| There's a lot to say about social dynamics and these are only
| the beginning and in the end it doesn't provide real value:
| long term quality bonds.
| parthdesai wrote:
| yeah, basically it's these two rules:
|
| 1) Be nice
|
| 2) Don't be an asshole
| throw3849 wrote:
| You assume all people are well socialised and already
| understand non-verbal communication. Some people do not
| recognise different faces, let alone facial expressions. This
| sort of checklists are very helpfull.
| ashtonkem wrote:
| Turns out the fastest way to make someone like you is to
| actually pay attention to them. Most people are so focused on
| what they're going to say next that they don't listen fully,
| and people really like feeling like they've been heard.
| agumonkey wrote:
| I have a little theory. The best way is to pay attention to
| the group. Not a person, not you, the group.
| decebalus1 wrote:
| - weak bullshit self-help content
|
| - account created an hour ago
|
| why is this on HNs frontpage?
| [deleted]
| _jal wrote:
| "I'm going to improve myself by aping methods used by insincere
| LEOs to manipulate marks" might not be the best approach to
| improving one's social life.
| coenhyde wrote:
| Good. But it's not hard to spot people who deliberately apply
| these techniques and it always makes me suspicious. Or maybe the
| ones I spot are just bad at their craft.
| Loughla wrote:
| You probably spot the ones who are deliberately applying it
| every time. The ones who do it fluidly you think of as nice
| people.
|
| The problem is, even the people who do this stuff deliberately
| still get you to talk about yourself, so you can't help but
| like them a little.
|
| Therapists/Counselors are maybe the only people who can do this
| deliberately and not have it seem like they're moving through a
| checklist like a lizard wearing a people suit.
| cassepipe wrote:
| I like to think of myself as someone nice, I apply those
| techniques without thinking much about it. Still I regularly
| encounter people who don't like nice people, and seem to
| think they are somewhat suspect.
| vernie wrote:
| Never let your guard down for narcs.
| potatoman22 wrote:
| You got the real guide right here
| 35fbe7d3d5b9 wrote:
| Warmed over pop sci laundered through social media and veneered
| with dubious expertise.
|
| If you don't have the unlimited might and funds of the federal
| government to "win people over" by being a phony, try being
| sincere. Most people seem to like that.
| ashtonkem wrote:
| Kind of funny that a FBI agent is being floated as a charm
| expert. Aren't FBI agents notoriously stiff and awkward?
| dragonwriter wrote:
| > Kind of funny that a FBI agent is being floated as a charm
| expert
|
| Not really, given the way the FBI engages in infiltration as
| a key investigative tactic.
|
| > Aren't FBI agents notoriously stiff and awkward?
|
| That's a stereotype that exists, sure.
| d23 wrote:
| I'm gonna guess that an expert FBI interrogator probably
| isn't.
| tingletech wrote:
| Not the FBI agent who lived in my building for awhile. He was
| very slickly smoozy.
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