[HN Gopher] Ask HN: Alternatives to Suicide?
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Ask HN: Alternatives to Suicide?
I am struggling with my mental health, to the point I really need a
radical change, which I'm not fit to properly decide at the moment.
My problem is that I'm not mentally fit to work anymore. I'm
depressed, suffer from post-covid brain fog, and I'm really
stressed and tired. But at the same time I can't live with my
parents because at their home is where my mental health
deteriorates the most. I'm not rich to just leave my work and live
on my own. I'm considering either becoming a monk or committing a
minor crime just to get in prison and don't live there anymore. Any
suggestion is welcome because my brain is not working as it should.
Author : abc_throw_away
Score : 16 points
Date : 2021-03-04 21:18 UTC (1 hours ago)
| rabidonrails wrote:
| The first thing you should do is ask for help - give the folks at
| the Suicide hotline a call and ask. Here's the number:
| 800-273-8255
| johnwheeler wrote:
| I have to ask the obvious about meds
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| I don't have any diagnosis and I don't take any pills. I do
| take vitamins for the post-covid effects.
| gwittel wrote:
| If you need to talk to someone ASAP please call the suicide
| prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255
|
| If you have healthcare, please try to connect with a psychologist
| or other form of councilor. They can help, though it sometimes
| can take a few tries to find one you click with.
|
| Mental health is tricky. I can offer ideas, but it's hard to know
| what will help you. Throwing various ideas out there:
|
| Exercise helps.
|
| If you're not getting enough sleep get more. Meds can help in the
| short term if your mental health is interfering with sleep. You
| can also look into melatonin (helps for some) if it's falling
| asleep (vs staying asleep).
|
| You can try various meditation apps as well as activities that
| let you get out or at least people watch (nature walk, hanging
| out at a busier park/cafe, etc.)
|
| Would a more hands on activity or screen free hobby help? Maybe
| volunteering at an animal shelter, or other similar org.
|
| I'm not sure where you are located or your finances but are there
| absolutely no other housing options? (Shelter, friend, Airbnb
| room).
|
| Would a short getaway help? Camping is cheap if that's your
| thing.
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| If I had the money I would do a sabbatical or something. I
| think resting could help but it should be long enough.
|
| Sincere thanks for your answer.
| mastah88 wrote:
| I was in critical depression post covid. Couldn't work, think,
| find words. It took some time but it's past now. First huge
| improvement i had after moving out from old apartment, second
| unbevilably huge was Kambo cleanse followed by San Pedro and then
| Pejote. After this one weekend i was happy and feeling healthy.
| mastah88 wrote:
| I also reccomend BPC157 in pills. Lowers inflammation and heals
| wounds drastically. Also in nasal spray works wonders in
| healing brain post covid.
| wwupt wrote:
| You're getting a lot of good advice here, like others I also
| recommend reaching out to a therapist!
|
| Sorry if it's a bit of an odd recommendation, but in the next few
| hours/days, while you wait for your appointment or any other
| changes you're making, I can recommend reading through "Feeling
| Good" by David D. Burns MD. It's a book on cognitive behavioural
| therapy and it helped me tremendously to cope with, and
| eventually recover from severe depression. I recommend it because
| it offered some immediate short-term relief just from reading
| through it once. There are copies lying around on archive.org.
|
| I wish for you to recover!
| WarOnPrivacy wrote:
| > I also recommend reaching out to a therapist!
|
| I think that folks who live in a healthcare-wealthy region or
| are healthcare-wealthy themselves don't understand that a
| sizable chunk of Americans have neither mental healthcare nor
| the resources to fund prolonged therapy out of pocket.
|
| And free practical, usable, community mental health does exist
| - but - again, mostly in healthcare-wealthy regions. In most US
| counties, residents tend to lack access to reliable public
| mental healthcare.
| alimw wrote:
| What sort of monk? I often flirt with the idea too. It's a better
| plan than prison for sure!
| water8 wrote:
| Don't let down that young version of you who had such high
| expectations. Take things one step at a time but try to be better
| than you were yesterday. How hard can it be to beat yourself
| tomorrow, if you are as bad off today as you say?
| goblin89 wrote:
| Presuming you're in software, what could work is looking for
| remote gigs, losing location dependence and moving out at least
| for a while (there may be options if you're willing to be
| frugal).
|
| Freelancing marketplaces can get you usable leads--there is junk
| that can be identified with practice, but there also are
| respectable customers (at least on Upwork, in my experience).
| Monitoring opportunities, diving into new subject domains and
| writing proposals is a different activity compared to just
| creating software, but it's possible to switch contexts every now
| and then.
|
| It could help if there's someone you know whom you can cooperate
| with, perhaps on flatshare and/or consulting work, but IME the
| above can be feasible alone.
|
| I can understand the difficulty of living with parents. In my
| case the nature of gig work (ups and downs, having to hustle plus
| the necessity to pay rent), changed landscape, distance from the
| old social circle of family and school acquaintances were factors
| that somehow correlated with me gaining the will to keep doing
| things without always feeling like there's no point to it.
| endisneigh wrote:
| Some alternatives in no particular order:
|
| - exercise can improve your mood and self confidence. Be sure to
| not compare yourself to those already fit
|
| - medication can be helpful. It really depends so you should
| consult a doctor.
|
| - counseling is helpful. It might take a few tries to find
| someone who clicks though
|
| I think it's important not to compare yourself to others. Focus
| on yourself and celebrate small wins.
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| - I already do exercise. Now, not especially, but it has never
| made a difference for me. A couple of years ago I was in a very
| good shape and I still had recurrent depression episodes.
|
| - I don't have any specific diagnosis regarding my mental
| health so I don't take anything.
|
| - Could you elaborate on the counseling thing? You mean like a
| psychologist?
|
| The last point is very good. However, I'm not really
| "competitive". I just want to live in peace. Thanks for your
| answer.
| Jtsummers wrote:
| Psychologist or other therapist. If you're religious (you did
| suggest becoming a monk), a member of your religion's
| priesthood or analog can be helpful as well, especially if
| there's any sort of "moral crisis" component to this.
|
| Along with medications, cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)
| understanding is very well distributed through therapists
| these days. I've found it to be very effective for my own
| depression and anxiety issues, to the point that, for me,
| medication is not necessary. Even if you go down the
| medication route, CBT is still a great addition to medication
| and talk therapy in general.
|
| You also mentioned having "post COVID brain fog", it's good
| that you recognize that at least part of the issue is
| external to your own self (though not to your own body and
| brain). As frustrating as something like that can be it's
| important to remember that it's temporary. I've discovered
| that I experience a similar long term brain fog after
| receiving general anesthesia which led to some exasperation
| in the past, but with understanding I can at least work
| through it now after surgeries. I had a surgery last August
| and basically lost most September-November to my mental
| recovery, but not as bad as previous surgeries where I didn't
| understand/know this about myself.
| vaidhy wrote:
| Here is one suggestion - It is much, much cheaper to live outside
| of US. You might not be rich enough to take a break in US, but
| have you considered taking a break by moving somewhere else?
| South East Asia, South America, Mexico all come to my mind.
|
| Taking time to relax is critical and we miss it out in all the
| rush. Just living with content is not expensive and it is a
| "monkish" lifestyle.
| gdgdgdgbgfff wrote:
| I had depression and medication turned my life around. I take
| SSRIs. A more direct answer, along the lines of others, e.g.
| exercise, how about a cycle journey across your country? Just
| need a bike and a bivi bag.
| snshn wrote:
| Not going to give you another phone number because you seem to
| already have a few, and I know where you are right now.
|
| Life is a series of experiences, you may wake up one day and look
| back, saying "thank you" to yourself for not ending it then. It's
| important to know how to "travel through time" and realize that
| life is combination of good and bad. We need both good and bad in
| order to be able to perceive good. Also, there is some truth to
| saying "suicide is a crime against future self".
|
| Prison is a stupid idea, will ruin possibilities in the future,
| you never want your past to drag you down. But traveling or
| becoming a monk is definitely a better solution, more interesting
| than being stuck in one place with a bunch of dudes (I'm assuming
| you're male). The kind of people who end up in jail is usually
| naturally not high IQ. If you're using HN, it's very likely you
| are not going to fit in there, feel even more lonely at very
| least.
|
| Life is an adventure, it always ends for everybody no matter if
| you want that or not. Paradoxically, it's one of the reasons to
| enjoy it.
|
| Being depressed is a symptom, not a cause. I always view it as a
| good thing. When I get depressed I start changing things in my
| life, big time. Depression is a result of one's life being a
| nightmare, and I rather be aware of that than not. Do you know of
| those people who don't feel any pain? It sounds cool at first,
| but they burn themselves all the time and cannot feel symptoms of
| developing diseases (e.g. abdominal pains). So it's good to be
| depressed, that way you know your life sucks.
|
| I remember when I wanted my life to end, I had no money to eat
| food, nobody to talk to, no prospects in life. Instead of looking
| for help and losing the rest of respect I had for myself or going
| to a shelter, I ended up being homeless. I can tell you that I
| never felt happier and freer in my life than during that time.
| Quickly I managed to find a job and slept in the office for 7
| months. While being homeless I showered at the gym; that made me
| work out every morning, sometimes twice a day. I truly felt
| alive, my life was my own. I looked back at my life a year ago
| and it really occurred to me how unhappy "normal" lifestyle is,
| and how shitty people generally are. I promised to build my life
| around what makes me happpy, not around other people or what's
| considered "normal" or "good".
|
| Watch Into the Wild, the story of that person inspired me a lot.
|
| Will leave you with two quotes:
|
| "Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that."
|
| "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem,
| first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by
| assholes."
|
| (That second one I always assumed to be corny and stupid, until
| learned how much negative impact idiots can make on you in life
| if you don't cut them off quickly).
| codingdave wrote:
| Call a therapist and book an appointment. Any therapist, really.
| They might not end up being the right person to help you, but
| they can be the first person to help you, and guide you towards
| finding a long-term partner for your mental health.
|
| As much as we are all clever here on HN, this isn't what we do
| for a living, and it is 100% what therapists do. They will be
| able to help.
| anonAndOn wrote:
| Can you get ahold of some backpacking equipment? If you are not
| in immediate danger and you just need to get out of a rut,
| sweating your ass off for even just a few days in the middle of
| nowhere on a trail like one of these[0] can be therapeutic.
| Sunshine, fresh air and heavy exercise are all mood enhancers
| built in to your OS.
|
| [0]https://www.pcta.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/National-
| Tra...
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| Might try next weekend something like that, thanks
| danaliv wrote:
| Depending on where you live and/or work, you may have access to
| disability insurance. That can allow you to take enough time away
| from work to get some breathing room and get stabilized (I hate
| that word but can't think of an alternative right now) while
| still bringing in some money to pay your bills.
|
| California, for instance, has SDI, which is pretty generous in
| terms of the kinds of conditions it will cover. Depending on how
| much you make it might not cover 100% of your wages, but it's
| also not taxable, so it comes out about even. I don't know much
| about other states, and even less about other countries; that's
| just an example.
| orsenthil wrote:
| REBT, wherein you can talk your brain to alternatives might help.
| Pick a source, and try it for few days / week / month and see if
| that works.
| rosadoft wrote:
| First off, start looking at depression as a biochemical/hormonal
| imbalance in your body. Next, with this in mind, start looking
| for a cure. Will leaving the house more often help? Maybe, but
| not likely. What about antidepressants? Yes, that has a higher
| probability. For me, what got me off depression permanently after
| struggling for years was Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| I have always had the intuition that my testosterone levels
| were not high.
| vlod wrote:
| This is probably obvious, but you might want to get your
| yearly checkup at your doctors (GP). They'll probably take a
| blood sample and check 'levels'. Might give you a clue on how
| to proceed.
| staunch wrote:
| You shouldn't do anything that will be permanent because there's
| a good chance this is a temporary problem.
|
| Maybe you could spend some time camping on a bicycle/hiking/slow-
| walking trip? Basically being homeless, but in a healthy way.
| Come by your parents house as needed?
|
| Reading ancient history and ancient primary sources is my most
| therapeutic-feeling form of mental escapism. Maybe it could help
| you to project your mind back a few couple years.
|
| Of course, you should get someone to help you. Either
| friends/family and/or professionals. This is normal human problem
| stuff you're going through and it's okay to need help.
| abc_throw_away wrote:
| I don't to have the focus to answer all of you but you are really
| helping. HN is a great community. Thanks a lot
| guilhas wrote:
| You can try to rent a room on a shared house, student style.
| There will still be other people in the same house, but the
| change might be good.
|
| You can try to live in a car/van, arrive to work earlier to use
| the facilities, use some coffeehouse wifi, etc... This is a bit
| of an adventure. It will also help to show your parents your
| commitment and level of distress.
|
| Normaly job change helps. Sometimes you are to tied with the work
| issues it is just best to leave. In a new job there will be lower
| expectations, because you're starting, so it will feel good. And
| after it will give you a new perspective in life. And learn
| something new. Also you can possibly take a month off in between.
|
| You can also try a career change, there are several no experience
| required, that are very good to take life slower a day at the
| time.
|
| Also life is messy, with a lot of pressure and unrealistic
| expectations. And a lot of people, apparently living happy, are
| in a similar situation or worse. Maybe try to talk more with
| people around you, to get some more perspective. Even just
| talking somehow helps to reduce stress of situations.
| xei1Yoophai6ec wrote:
| I have a very good friend who is struggling with mental health as
| well and his situation started to become worse since Covid-19.
|
| As others already commented, please ASAP reach out to a
| professional. I don't know where you live, but I am very sure
| such a hotline exists pretty close to you.
|
| My friend called such a hotline and he got help and he is better
| now.
|
| I know this is a huge step to take, but reaching out will help
| and it is professionals taking care and they know what they do.
|
| Whatever your circumstances are, someone will pick you up again.
|
| Please call; there is no reason to feel embarrassed for whatever.
|
| PS: I've been reading HN for years now and never commented here,
| but I just signed up now to reach out to you.
| gdgdgdgbgfff wrote:
| I did the same (signed up), please talk to someone.
| WarOnPrivacy wrote:
| > please ASAP reach out to a professional. I am very sure such
| a hotline exists pretty close to you.
|
| Okay guys. Please. Stop suggesting professional mental
| healthcare as if it's something pretty much everyone has access
| to. In most US counties, therapy exists for those who can
| afford pricey insurance policies or can pay out of pocket.
|
| Some hotlines are staffed with mental health pros. NSP Lifeline
| is one. Smaller ones tend to be staffed with local volunteers.
| Either way, a hotline call isn't a solution. It's crisis
| intervention, at most a first step.
|
| Honestly, for people who live without access to mental
| healthcare, telling them to just go get professional help is is
| effectively sending them on a snipe hunt.
|
| source: 30 years care giving for someone with mental illness in
| one of the thousands of poor US counties.
|
| 5 years as social services volunteer
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(page generated 2021-03-04 23:02 UTC)