https://tracydurnell.com/2024/09/25/four-years-ago-today/ Skip to the content Search Tracy Durnell's Mind Garden Thinking and Learning In Public Menu * Blog + All posts + Featured Posts + Articles + Post Index + Microblog (external) + Links to blog about * Big Q's + Balanced Lifestyle + Effective Creative Processes + Writing Fiction + Thinking Better + Information Diet + Future of the Internet + Resisting Fascism + Building Community + Transforming Capitalism * About + About Tracy + Start Here + Now + Weeknotes + Blogging Timeline + All Pages * Reads + Read in 2024 + Book Reviews + Currently Reading * Listens + Listened in 2024 + Birthday Playlists + Best of Year Playlists + Favorite Albums + Music to Try * Eats + Recipes I've Made + Recipes to Try * Roundups + Blogroll + Interesting People + Cool Artists + Neat Websites + Small Businesses + Graphic Design Resources Menu Search Search for: [ ] [Search] Close search Close Menu * BlogShow sub menu + All posts + Featured Posts + Articles + Post Index + Microblog (external) + Links to blog about * Big Q'sShow sub menu + Balanced Lifestyle + Effective Creative Processes + Writing Fiction + Thinking Better + Information Diet + Future of the Internet + Resisting Fascism + Building Community + Transforming Capitalism * AboutShow sub menu + About Tracy + Start Here + Now + Weeknotes + Blogging Timeline + All Pages * ReadsShow sub menu + Read in 2024 + Book Reviews + Currently Reading * ListensShow sub menu + Listened in 2024 + Birthday Playlists + Best of Year Playlists + Favorite Albums + Music to Try * EatsShow sub menu + Recipes I've Made + Recipes to Try * RoundupsShow sub menu + Blogroll + Interesting People + Cool Artists + Neat Websites + Small Businesses + Graphic Design Resources * BlogShow sub menu + All posts + Featured Posts + Articles + Post Index + Microblog (external) + Links to blog about * Big Q'sShow sub menu + Balanced Lifestyle + Effective Creative Processes + Writing Fiction + Thinking Better + Information Diet + Future of the Internet + Resisting Fascism + Building Community + Transforming Capitalism * AboutShow sub menu + About Tracy + Start Here + Now + Weeknotes + Blogging Timeline + All Pages * ReadsShow sub menu + Read in 2024 + Book Reviews + Currently Reading * ListensShow sub menu + Listened in 2024 + Birthday Playlists + Best of Year Playlists + Favorite Albums + Music to Try * EatsShow sub menu + Recipes I've Made + Recipes to Try * RoundupsShow sub menu + Blogroll + Interesting People + Cool Artists + Neat Websites + Small Businesses + Graphic Design Resources Categories Lifestyle Mental Health Personal Growth Reflection Four years ago today... * Post author By Tracy Durnell * Post date September 25, 2024 * No Comments on Four years ago today... * [?] drawing pad with several sketches and lithoblock not yet carved with an inverse copy of a hedgehog cradling a mug with whipped cream on top Drew this lil guy four years ago today I've taken to ignoring all the autogenerated "memories" that my phone would like to show me from four years ago -- because while the system simply matches the date, *I* know that four years ago was the depths of despair of the pandemic. We were still waiting for a vaccine. My anxiety was revved to max and I felt physically terrible, chowing Tums and imagining every sneeze to be a symptom of COVID. I felt trapped -- in my job, away from my friends, frozen in time -- and was doing my best to take care of myself by making hand printed cards, going to Homebrew Website Club, and starting this mind garden The past four years have both flown and crawled. I still think of things I did before the pandemic as recent, but they were five years ago or longer. In that span, I've had an organ removed, managed my depression and anxiety and insomnia, gone through the ADA accommodation process, left a bad work situation, had my friend group implode and made new Internet friends around the world, closed down my old blog and quit NaNoWriMo after a decade, and started my own business! My days are more varied, my routine more rewarding. Yet for all the dramatic growth I can see in myself over the past four years, I am still mostly living the pandemic life. I still don't eat at restaurants indoors, I still wear a mask inside businesses, I still order my groceries and pick them up. I'm preparing to take a trip for the first time in years, trying to determine what COVID-conscious travel looks like for me. The pandemic served as a crucible for me; I don't want to be reminded of all the bad things I've escaped since then. They're close enough that I can still feel their shadow. "Back to normal" doesn't resonate with me because all the macro life changes I've made are for the better -- I don't want to go back. It's the micro elements of my life that have been hampered: eating out, going to events and museums, meeting new people in person. Not being able to do these is a loss. My life feels full enough that I've continued to accept this tradeoff, though I understand why others have not. While I personally have made huge strides in health and happiness since the start of the pandemic, I mourn the opportunity our society forfeited to demand health care for all, to improve ventilation in public spaces, to embrace remote work (no commute is better for the planet). I remember how basically no one died of the flu that first winter because masks prevented transmission of all airborne illnesses; I mourn that masks became politicized and we went back to the "normal" of letting our elders die from preventable disease each winter. I wish we had seized the moment to acknowledge that some of those "normals" were bad, to find a new balance of normal that returned most of what people missed while protecting the old and ill. In this, as with climate change, as with conservation, I always think the work is worth it, and however late it might happen is better than never (video). Further reading: Structural Violence and the Pandemic: An Update on Our Collective Reality by Beatrice Adler-Bolton * Tags change, COVID, masking, pandemic, personal [b1231bba531dc25e30cd3] By Tracy Durnell Writer and designer in the Seattle area. Reach me at tracy.durnell@gmail.com. She/her. View Archive - --------------------------------------------------------------------- - "The aesthetic is liquidity." - The Great American Road Trip --------------------------------------------------------------------- Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] Comment * [ ] Name * [ ] Email * [ ] Website [ ] [ ] Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. [Post Comment] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] D[ ] To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Learn More) [ ] [Ping me!] Explore All Posts | Featured | Categories | Random Recent Posts * Article pairing: restoring rivers September 28, 2024 * Listened to Zydeco Gumbo September 28, 2024 * Weeknotes: Sept. 21-27, 2024 September 27, 2024 * The Great American Road Trip September 27, 2024 * Four years ago today... September 25, 2024 About Tracy [b1231bba531dc25e] Tracy Durnell Writer and designer in the Seattle area. Reach me at tracy.durnell@gmail.com. She/her. * Digital Garden RSS Feed * Book Review RSS Feed * Comments RSS Feed * Privacy Policy (c) 2024 Tracy Durnell's Mind Garden Privacy Policy Powered by WordPress To the top | Up |