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The New Yorker
Infinite Scroll

Raya and the Promise of Private Social Media

The app has created a space free of the problems that plague the rest
of the Web, but only by leaving almost everybody out.

By Kyle Chayka

October 15, 2021

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Three smartphones behind a red curtain.
Raya likes to play down its exclusivity, but the app's admission rate
is in the single digits.Illustration by Nicholas Konrad / The New
Yorker

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In late 2019, Nivine Jay, a comedian and writer in Los Angeles, was
perusing Raya, a private social app, when she matched with someone
claiming to be Ben Affleck. He messaged her first, and they chatted
for a bit. But then Jay grew skeptical. "He was writing, like, a lot,
and I thought, There's no way that's really him," she told me
recently. She sent a message accusing the person of being a fake,
then unmatched with the account, cutting off contact. Soon enough,
though, she received a message from Affleck's verified Instagram
account, which has more than five million followers. "Nivine, why did
you unmatch me? It's me," Affleck said, in a plaintive phone video
shot in closeup. This past spring, Jay turned a clip from that
message into a TikTok meme about embarrassing personal moments. "I
didn't put out our whole conversation--there are many more videos from
him," she said. The clip immediately made headlines in Page Six and
the Daily Mail, with Jay dubbed "the woman who rejected Ben Affleck."

In truth, Jay needn't have worried that Affleck's profile was false
advertising. Raya is the rare social network that insures that all of
its users are who they say they are. Since it launched, in Los
Angeles, in 2015, it has gained a reputation as the "celebrity dating
app" and "Illuminati Tinder." Impersonation isn't tolerated, nor is
anonymity, much less any form of harassment. The app is private;
aspiring users must undergo an application process that can stretch
on for months. (One applicant recently reported that she was approved
after a wait of two and a half years.) Demi Lovato, Channing Tatum,
John Mayer, Lizzo, Cara Delevingne, and Drew Barrymore have all
reportedly been members. Nicholas Braun is a stalwart. Simone Biles
met her boyfriend, an N.F.L. player, on the app. Once accepted,
members must adhere to a rigid code of silence--no exposing other
people's profiles and no screenshotting within the app. Even tweeting
too much about Raya, or publicly mentioning another member, can be
grounds for a ban. Which means that Jay's peak moment on the app was
also her last. After she posted Affleck's video on TikTok, the
company quickly kicked her off. "Our decision is final," the fateful
message to rule breakers reads.

[kyle_chayk]
Kyle Chayka is a contributing writer for The New Yorker and the
author of "The Longing for Less: Living with Minimalism."
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