A
JOURNEY
TO THE
World Under-Ground.

BY
NICHOLAS KLIMIUS.

Translated from the ORIGINAL.

LONDON:

Printed for T. ASTLEY, at the Rose in
St. Paul’s Church-Yard; and B. COLLINS,
Bookseller, in Salisbury.

MDCCXLII.

THE
CONTENTS.

Chap. I.  The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous World | Page 1
Chap. II.  His Descent upon the Planet Nazar | 13
Chap. III.  A Description of the City of Keba | 29
Chap. IV.  The Court of the Potuan Empire | 43
Chap. V.  Of the Nature of the Country, and the Manners of the People | 58
Chap. VI.  Of the Religion of the Potuan Nation | 64
Chap. VII.  Of their Policy | 71
Chap. VIII.  Of the Academy | 91
Chap. IX.  The Author’s Journey round the Planet Nazar | 102
Chap. X.  The Author’s Banishment to the Firmament | 171
Chap. XI.  The Author’s Voyage to the Land of Wonders | 206
Chap. XII.  The Author’s Arrival at Quama | 235
Chap. XIII.  The Rise of the fifth Monarchy | 244
Chap. XIV.  The Author is elevated to the Imperial Dignity | 280
Chap. XV.  The Catastrophe | 297
Chap. XVI.  The Author’s Return into his own Country | 309
ABELINE’s Appendix | 323

A
JOURNEY
TO THE
World Under-Ground.

CHAP. I.

The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous World.

IN the Year 1664, after I had pass’d my several Examinations in the University of Copenhagen, and had deservedly obtained the Character, which is there call’d Laudable, by the Votes of my Judges, as well Philosophers as Divines, I prepar’d for my Return into my native Country; and accordingly put myself aboard a Ship bound for Bergen in Norway, dignify’d indeed with various Marks of Honour from the Gentlemen of the several Faculties, but in my Fortunes quite impoverish’d. This was an Evil that attended myself as well as several of the Norway Students, who return’d from the Study of the Arts and Sciences into their own Country stript of all they were worth. As we had a pretty brisk Gale, after a Voyage of six Days we arrived at Bergen Harbour. Being thus restor’d to my Country, something wiser indeed, tho’ by no Means richer, I was supported for a Time at the Expence of my near Relations, and led a precarious Sort of Life, yet not altogether indolent and inactive. For in order to clear up by Experience some Points of natural Philosophy, the Study I had devoted myself to, I rambled over every Corner of the Province, with an insatiable Curiosity, to explore the Nature of the Earth, and to search into the very Bowels of our Mountains. No Rock so steep but I climb’d it; no Cavern so hideous and deep, but I made a Descent into it, to try if haply I could discover any Thing curious and worthy the Inquiry of a Philosopher. For there are a Multitude of Things in our Country of Norway, hardly ever seen or heard of, which if France, Italy, Germany, or any other Country so fruitful of the Marvellous, could boast of, nothing wou’d be more talk’d of, nothing more sifted and examin’d.

Among those Things, which to me appear’d most worthy of Observation, there was a large and deep Cave upon the Top of that Mountain which the Natives call Floïen. And because the Mouth of the Cave us’d to send forth a gentle murmuring Sound, and that too by Intervals, as if by its frequent Sighs its Jaws were now shut, and now open’d; hence the Literati of Bergen, and particularly the celebrated Master Abeline, and Master Edward, one of our first Geniuses in Astronomy and natural Philosophy, imagin’d this Affair highly worthy of a philosophical Inquiry; and since they themselves were too old for such an Enterprize, they excited the younger Inhabitants to a closer Examination of the Nature of the Cavern; especially as at stated Intervals, after the Manner of human Respiration, the Sound being sometime with-held issued out with a certain proportional Force.

What with these Discourses, and what with my own natural Inclination, I form’d a Design of entring into this Cavern, and communicated my Intention to some of my Friends. But they by no Means approv’d of it, plainly declaring, that it was a wild and frantick Undertaking. But all they cou’d say, so far was it from extinguishing, that it did not even damp the Ardour of my Mind; and their Advices, instead of weakning, administred Fuel to my Curiosity. For that Eagerness with which I pursued the Study of Nature inspir’d me to face every Danger, and the Straightness of my private Circumstances gave a Spur to my natural Inclination. For my own Substance was quite wasted, and it seem’d to me the greatest Hardship to live in a State of Dependance, in a Country where all Hopes of Preferment were cut off, where I beheld myself condemned to Poverty, and every Avenue to Honour and Advantage entirely stopp’d, unless I would make my Way by some flagrant Act of Dishonour or Immorality.

Thus resolv’d, and having got together what was requisite for such an Exploit, upon a Thursday Morning, when the Heavens were all serene and cloudless, I left the City soon after Twilight, to the End that having finish’d my Observations, I might return again that same Day; because, being ignorant of Futurity, it was not possible I shou’d foresee that I, like another Phaeton,

Volverer in præceps, longoque per aëra tractu,

should be flung upon another World, not to revisit my native Soil, till after a ten Years Peregrination.

This Expedition was undertaken in the Year of our Lord 1665, John Munthe, and Lawrence Severini being Consuls of Bergen, and Christiern Bertholdi and Lawrence Scandio being Senators. I went out attended by four Fellows I had hir’d, who brought with them such Ropes and Iron Crooks as would be necessary to descend by. We went directly to Sanduic, the most commodious Way to climb the Mountain. Having with Difficulty reach’d the Top, we came to the Place where was the fatal Cave, and being tir’d with so troublesome a Journey, we all sat down to Breakfast. ’Twas then my Mind, foreboding as it were the approaching Evil, first began to be dismay’d. Therefore turning to my Companions, “Will any one, says I, undertake this Task?” But no Reply being made, my Ardour, that had languish’d, kindled anew. I order’d them to fasten the Rope about me, and thus equipp’d, I commended my Soul to Almighty God. Being now just ready to be let down, I gave my Companions to understand what I would have done, viz. that they should continue letting down the Rope till they heard me cry out, upon which Signal they should stop, and if I persisted to cry out, that then they shou’d immediately draw me up again. In my right hand I held my Harpoon, or Iron Hook, an Instrument that might be of Use to me to remove whatever might obstruct my Passage, and also to keep my Body suspended equally between the Sides of the Cavern. But scarce had I descended so low as about ten or twelve Cubits, when the Rope broke. This Accident was discover’d to me by the sudden Outcries of the Men I had hir’d. But their Noise soon died away; for with an amazing Velocity I was hurry’d down into the Abyss, and like a second Pluto, allowing my Harpoon to be a Sceptre,

Labor, & icta viam tellus ad Tartara fecit.

For about the fourth Part of an Hour (as near as I cou’d guess, considering the great Consternation I must be in) I was in total Darkness, and in the very Bosom of Night; when at length a thin small Light, like Twilight, broke in upon me, and I beheld at last a bright serene Firmament. I ignorantly thought therefore, that either by the Repercussion or opposite Action of the subterraneous Air, or that by the Force of some contrary Wind, I had been thrown back, and that the Cave had vomited me up again. But neither the Sun which I then survey’d, nor the Heavens, or heavenly Bodies, were at all known to me, since they were considerably less than those of ours. I concluded therefore, that either all that whole Mass of new Heavens existed solely in Imagination, excited by the Vertigo my Head had undergone, or else that I was arriv’d at the Mansions of the Blessed. But this last Opinion I soon rejected with Scorn, since I view’d myself arm’d with a Harpoon, and dragging a mighty Length of Rope after me, knowing full well, that a Man just going to Paradise has no Occasion for a Rope or a Harpoon, and that the cœlestial Inhabitants cou’d not possibly be pleas’d with a Dress, which look’d as if I intended, after the Example of the Titans, to take Heaven by Violence, and to expel them from their divine Abodes. At last after the maturest Consideration, I fell to imagining, that I was sunk into the subterraneous World, and that the Conjectures of those Men are right who hold the Earth to be concave, and that within the Shell or outward Crust there is another lesser Globe, and another Firmament adorn’d with lesser Sun, Stars, and Planets. And the Event discover’d that this Conjecture was right.

That Violence with which I was hurry’d headlong, had now continued for some Time, when at length I perceived that it languish’d gradually in Proportion to my Approach towards a certain Planet, which was the first Thing I met with. That same Planet increas’d so sensibly in Bulk or Magnitude, that at last, without much Difficulty, I cou’d plainly distinguish Mountains, Vallies, and Seas, through that thicker Atmosphere with which it was surrounded.

—Sicut avis quæ circum littora, circum

Piscosos scopulos humilis volat æquora juxta,

Haud aliter terras inter cœlumque volabam.

Then I perceiv’d that I did not only swim in a cœlestial Matter or Æther, but that my Motion which had hitherto been perpendicular, was now alter’d into a circular one. At this my Hair stood on End; for I was full of Apprehension lest I should be transform’d into a Planet, or into a Satellite of the neighbouring Planet, and so be whirl’d about in an everlasting Rotation. But when I reflected, that by this Metamorphosis my Dignity would suffer no great Diminution, and that a heavenly Body, or at least an Attendant upon a heavenly Body, would surely move with equal Solemnity to a famish’d Philosopher, I took Courage again, especially when I found from the Benefit of that pure cœlestial Æther, that I was no longer prest by Hunger or Thirst. Yet upon recollecting that I had in my Pocket some of that Sort of Bread which the People of Bergen call Bolken, and which is of an oval or oblong Figure, I resolv’d to take it out, and make an Experiment whether in this Situation I had any Appetite. But at the first Bite perceiving it was quite nauseous, I threw it away as a Thing to all Intents and Purposes useless. The Bread thus cast away was not only suspended in Air, but (what was very marvellous to behold) it describ’d a little circular Motion round my own Body. And from thence I learnt the true Laws of Motion, by which it comes to pass, that all Bodies plac’d in Æquilibrium naturally affect a circular Motion. Upon this, instead of deploring my Wretchedness, as I had done, for being thus the Sport of Fortune, I began to plume a little, finding that I was not only a simple Planet, but such a Planet as wou’d have a perpetual Attendant conforming itself to my Motions, insomuch that I should have the Honour to be reckon’d in the Number of the greater heavenly Bodies or Stars of the first Magnitude. And to confess my Weakness, so elated was I, that if I had then met any of our Consuls or Senators of Bergen, I should have receiv’d them with a supercilious Air, should have regarded them as Atoms, and accounted them unworthy to be saluted or honoured with a Touch of my Harpoon.

For almost three Days I remain’d in this Condition. For as without any Intermission I was whirl’d about the Planet that was next me, I could distinguish Day from Night; and observing the subterraneous Sun to rise, and set, and retire gradually out of my Sight, I could easily perceive when it was Night, tho’ it was not altogether such as it is with us. For at Sun-set the whole Face of the Firmament appear’d of a bright Purple, not unlike the Countenance of our Moon sometimes. This I took to be occasion’d by the inner Surface of our Earth, which borrow’d that Light from the subterraneous Sun, which Sun was plac’d in the Center. This Hypothesis I fram’d to myself, being not altogether a Stranger to the Study of Astronomy.

But while I was thus amus’d with the Thoughts of being in the Neighbourhood of the Gods, and was congratulating myself as a new Constellation, together with my Satellite that surrounded me, and hop’d in a short Time to be inserted in the Catalogue of Stars by the Astronomers of the neighbouring Planet, behold! an enormous winged Monster hover’d near me, sometimes on this Side, now on that Side, and by and by over my Head. At first View I took it for one of the twelve heavenly Signs in this new World, and accordingly hop’d, that, if the Conjecture was right, it would be that of Virgo, since out of the whole Number of the twelve Signs, that alone could yield me, in my unhappy Solitude, some Delight and Comfort. But when the Figure approach’d nearer to me, it appear’d to be a grim, huge Griffin. So great was my Terror, that unmindful of my starry Dignity, to which I was newly advanc’d, in that Disorder of my Soul, I drew out my University-Testimonium, which I happen’d to have in my Pocket, to signify to this terrible Adversary that I had pass’d my academical Examination, that I was a graduate Student, and could plead the Privilege of my University against any one that should attack me. But my Disorder beginning to cool, when I came to myself, I could not but condemn my Folly. For it was yet a Matter of Doubt to what Purpose this Griffin should approach me, whether as an Enemy, or a Friend; or, what is more likely, whether led by the sole Novelty of the Thing, he had only a Mind to feast his Curiosity. For the Sight of a human Creature whirling about in Air, bearing in his right Hand an Harpoon, and drawing after him a great Length of Rope like a Tail, was really a Phænomenon which might excite even a brute Creature to behold the Spectacle. For the unusual Figure I then exhibited, gave to the Inhabitants of the Globe, round which I revolv’d, an Occasion of divers Conjectures and Conversations concerning me, as I afterwards learn’d; for the Philosophers and Mathematicians would have me to be a Comet, being positive that my Rope was the Tail; and some there were, who from the Appearance of so rare a Meteor, prognosticated some impending Misfortune, a Plague, a Famine, or some other such extraordinary Catastrophe: Some also went further, and delineated my Figure, such as it appear’d to them at that Distance, in very accurate Drawings; so that I was describ’d, defin’d, painted and engrav’d before ever I touch’d their Globe. All this I afterward heard with no small Pleasure, and even Laughter, when I was convey’d to that Planet, and had learn’d their Language.

It must be noted, that sometimes there appear new Stars, which the Subterraneans call Sciscisi, or blazing Stars, which they describe as something looking horrid with fiery Hair, and, after the Manner of our Comets, bushy on the Top, so as that it projects in Form of a long Beard; and these, as in our World, so in that, they are reckon’d ominous.

But to resume my History. The Griffin advanc’d so near at last, as to incommode me by the Flapping of his Wings, and even did not scruple to attack my Leg with his Teeth, so that now it openly appear’d with what Disposition he pursu’d me. Upon this I began to attack this troublesome Animal with Arms, and grasping my Harpoon with both my Hands, I soon curb’d the Insolence of my Foe, obliging him to look about for a Way to escape; and at last, since he persisted to annoy me, I darted my Harpoon with such a Force into the Back of the Animal between his Wings, that I could not pull it out again. The wounded Griffin, setting up a horrible Cry, fell headlong upon the Planet. As for myself, quite weary of this starry Station, this new Dignity, which I saw expos’d to infinite Hazards and Evils,

Arbitrio volucris rapior, quoque impetus egit

Huc sine lege ruo, longoque per aera tractu

In terram feror, ut de cœlo stella sereno,

Etsi non cecidit, potuit cecidisse videri.

And now this circular Motion I had describ’d alter’d once more into a perpendicular one. And being for some Time agitated and tost with great Violence by the opposite Motions of a thicker Air, at length by an easy, gentle Descent, I alighted upon the aforesaid Planet, together with the Griffin, who soon after died of his Wound.

It was Night when I was convey’d to that Planet. This I could gather from the sole Absence of the Sun, and not from the Darkness; for there still remained so much Light, as that I could distinctly read my University-Testimonium by it. That Light by Night arises from the inward Surface of our Earth, whose Surface reflects a Light like that of the Moon among us. And hence, with respect to Light alone, there is little Difference between the Nights and Days, only that the Sun is absent, and his Absence makes the Nights a little colder.

CHAP. II.

His Descent upon the Planet Nazar.

HAVING thus finish’d this airy Voyage, and being set down upon the Planet without the least Hurt, I lay for a considerable Time without Motion, waiting till Day-break for the Event. ’Twas then I found the usual Infirmities of Nature return, and that I stood in great Need of Sleep as well as Food, insomuch that I repented I had so rashly discarded my Loaf of Bread.

My Mind thus oppress’d with various Anxieties, at length I fell into a profound Sleep, and had slept (as near as I could guess) two Hours, when a horrible Bellowing interrupting my Sleep, at length entirely dispell’d it. A strange Variety of Notions had fill’d my Brain during this Sleep. I thought I was returned into Norway, and holding forth among the Students according to Custom; and at one Time I imagin’d I heard the Voice of the Deacon Nicolas Andreas chanting in the Church of Fanöen, just out of the City, and that it was the Noise of his Voice, which according to Custom had so cruelly wounded my Ears. And agreeably to this, when I awoke, I really thought it was his horrid Voice that had disturb’d me. But when I saw a Bull standing near me, then, indeed, I concluded my Rest had been broke by his Bellowing. Presently throwing my Eyes around me, the Sun now rising, I beheld every where green, fertile Plains and Fields; some Trees also appeared, but (what was most amazing) they moved; tho’ such was the Silence and Stillness of the Air at that Time, that it would not have moved the lightest Feather from its Place. Immediately the Bull came roaring at me, and I in my Terror and Consternation seeing a Tree just by me, attempted to climb it; but when I got up into it, it uttered a fine small Voice, tho’ something shrill, and not unlike an angry Lady’s; and presently I receiv’d, as it were from the swiftest Hand, such a Blow as quite stunn’d me, and laid me prostrate on the Ground. I was almost expiring with this Thunderbolt of a Stroke, when I heard certain confus’d Murmurings round me, like those in great Markets, or upon full Change. Having opened my Eyes, I beheld all about me a whole Grove of Trees, all in Motion, all animated, and the Plain overspread with Trees and Shrubs, tho’ just before there were not above six or seven. ’Tis not to be express’d what Disorders this produced in my Understanding, and how much my Mind was shock’d with these Delusions: Sometimes I thought I must certainly dream; sometimes I thought I was haunted by Spectres and evil Spirits, and twenty absurder Things did I imagine; but I had no Time to examine these Machines, or to inquire into their Causes; for presently another Tree advancing to me, let down one of its Branches, which had at the Extremity of it six large Buds in the Manner of Fingers. With these the Tree took me up from the Ground, and carried me off, attended by a Multitude of other Trees of various Kinds and different Sizes, all which kept muttering certain Sounds, articulately indeed, but in a Tone too foreign for my Ears, so that I could not possibly retain any Thing of them, except these two Words, Pikel Emi, which I heard them very often repeat. By these Words (as I afterward understood) was meant, A Monkey of an odd Shape; because from the Make of my Body, and Manner of Dress, they conjectur’d I was a Monkey, tho’ of a Species different from the Monkeys of that Country. Others took me for an Inhabitant of the Firmament, and that some great Bird had transported me hither; a Thing that had once before happened, as the History or Annals of that Globe can testify. But all these Things I understood not till after the Space of some Months, in which Time I became acquainted with the subterranean Language. For in my present Circumstances, what thro’ Fear, and what through the Disorder of my Intellects, I was quite regardless of myself, nor could conceive how there could be any such Thing as living and speaking Trees, nor to what Purpose was this Procession, which was very slow and solemn. But yet the Voices and Murmurs with which all the Plains echoed seemed to indicate Anger and Indignation; and in good Truth it was not without ample Reason that they had conceived this Resentment against me; for that very Tree, which I climb’d up in my Flight from the Bull, was the Wife of the Prætor, or principal Magistrate of the next City; and so the Quality of the Person injur’d aggravated the Crime; for it look’d as if I had a Mind to violate not a Female of mean and plebeian Birth, but a Matron of prime Rank, which was a most detested Spectacle to a People of so venerable a Modesty as these were. At length we arrived at the City to which I was led Captive. This City was equally remarkable for its stately Edifices, and for the elegant Order and Proportion of the Streets and Highways; so lofty were the Houses, that they resembled so many Towers; the Streets too were full of walking Trees, which by letting down their Branches saluted each other as they met, and the greater Number of Branches or Boughs they dropt, the greater was the Compliment. Thus when an Oak went out of one of the most eminent Houses, the rest of the Trees drew back at his Approach, and let down every one of their Branches; from whence it was easy to infer, that that Oak was far above the vulgar Sort; and, indeed, I soon understood that it was the Prætor himself, and the very Person whose Wife I was said to have so highly affronted. Forthwith they hurried me to the Prætor’s House; upon my Entrance into which, the Doors were immediately lock’d and bolted upon me, so that I look’d upon myself as one condemn’d to a Gaol. What greatly contributed to this Fear was, that there were three Guards plac’d without, like Centinels, each of them arm’d with six Axes, according to the Number of their Branches; for as many Branches as they had, so many Arms they had; and as many Buds at the Extremities, so many Fingers. I observed, that on the Top of the Trunks or Bodies of the Trees their Heads were plac’d, not at all unlike human Heads; and instead of Roots, I saw two Feet, and those very short, by Reason of which the Pace they us’d was almost as slow as that of a Tortoise; so that had I been at Liberty, it had been very easy for me to have escap’d their Hands, since my Motion was perfect Flying compar’d to theirs.

To be short, I now plainly perceived, that the Inhabitants of this Globe were Trees, and that they were endued with Reason; and I was lost in Wonder at that Variety in which Nature wantons in the Formation of her Creatures. These Trees do by no Means equal ours in Height, scarce any of them exceeding the common and ordinary Stature of a Man; some indeed were less; these one would call Flowers or Shrubs; and such I conjectur’d were Youths and Infants.

Words cannot express into what a Labyrinth of Thought these strange Appearances threw me, how many Sighs they extorted from me, and how passionately I longed after the dear Place of my Nativity. For altho’ these Trees seemed to me to be sociable Creatures, to enjoy the Benefit of Language, and to be endued with a certain Degree or Portion of Reason, insomuch that they had a Right to be inserted in the Class of rational Animals, yet I much doubted whether they could be compar’d to Men; I could not bring myself to think, that Justice, Mercy, and the other moral Virtues had any Residence among them. Rack’d with these Thoughts, my Bowels yearned, and Rivers of Tears flowed down my Cheeks. But while I was thus indulging my Grief, and pouring out my silent Complaints in such unmanly Sorrows, the Guards entered my Chamber, whom I looked upon as so many Roman Lictors, considering the Axes they bore. These marching before me, I was led thro’ the City to a very lofty Dome in the Center of the Forum, or great Market-Place. I seemed to myself to be greater than a Roman Consul, and to have obtained the Honour of a Dictator; for there were but twelve Axes attended the Consuls, whereas I was attended by eighteen. On the folding Doors of the Dome, to which I was led, a Figure of Justice was carved, holding a Pair of Scales with her Branches or Arms: This Image had a Virgin-Air, an earnest Look, a piercing Sight, with a certain venerable Dejection that made her appear not too proud, nor yet too humble. This Place I clearly perceived was the Senate-House. Being introduced into Court, the Floor of which shone with Marble of tessellated or Mosaic Workmanship; I there beheld a Tree seated on a Golden Tribunal, with twelve Associates sitting on either Hand on so many Benches in the most exact and elegant Order. The President on the Tribunal was a Palm-Tree, of a middling Stature, but easily distinguish’d from the rest of the Assistants, by the great Variety of her Leaves, which were of various Dyes: The inferior Officers, to the Number of twenty-four, guarded each Side, all armed with six Axes apiece. A most tremendous Prospect! since from so much Armour it was natural to infer they were a People that delighted in Blood.

The Senators, at my Entrance, extended their Branches toward the Skies; which Ceremony being ended, they sat down again; and being all seated, I was brought to the Bar between two Trees, whose Trunks or Bodies were covered with Sheep-Skins. I suspected they were Lawyers, and such in good Truth they were. Before they began to plead, the President wrapt his Head in a Garment of a dark Colour. One of these Advocates made a very short Speech, which he thrice repeated; to which the other Advocate replied with equal Brevity: These Pleadings were followed by a Silence of Half an Hour: Then the President, removing the Covering from her Head, rose up, and again extending her Branches toward the Sky, pronounc’d certain Words, which I supposed contained my Sentence; for at the End of the Speech I was dismiss’d back to my old Prison, and confin’d there, as I guess’d, to be in Readiness to be brought forth to Punishment.

Being left alone, and revolving in my Memory every Thing that had happened, I could not forbear smiling at the Stupidity of this People; for they seemed rather to be acting a Play than exercising Justice, and every Thing I had seen, their Gesture, their Dress, and Method of Proceeding seem’d to favour more of the Buffoonery of the Stage, than the awful Tribunal of Justice. Then I congratulated the Happiness of our World, and the Superiority of the Europeans to all others. But tho’ I arraigned the Folly and Dulness of this subterraneous Nation, yet I was forced to own that they ought to be distinguished from the Brute Creation; for the Elegance of the City, the Symmetry of the Buildings, with several other Particulars, loudly proclaimed that these Trees were not devoid of Reason, nor altogether ignorant of the Arts, especially Mechanicks; but then it was in this alone that I thought all their Virtues, all their whole Perfection consisted.

While I was holding this silent Conference with myself, a Tree enters holding a Lancet in his Hand; who unbuttoning my Bosom, and making bare my Arm, opened the middle Vein quite like an Artist. When he had drawn as much Blood as he thought sufficient, he bound up my Arm with equal Dexterity. This being performed, he inspected the Blood with the deepest Attention; and being perfectly satisfied, he walked away in a Kind of silent Admiration: All this confirmed me in the Opinion I had entertained of the Stupidity of this Nation. But as soon as I had thoroughly learnt the subterranean Language, and all these Things had been explained to me, my Disdain was turned into Admiration. The Proceedings at Law, which I had so rashly condemned, were thus explained. From the Make of my Body, they inferred I was an Inhabitant of the Firmament. I appeared to have attempted the Chastity of an honourable Matron, and one of prime Quality. For this Crime I was dragged to the Bar of Justice. One of the Advocates or Lawyers aggravated the Crime, demanding the Punishment due by Law; the other requested not that the Punishment should be remitted, but only that it should be deferr’d, till it could be discover’d what, and who I was, and of what Country; whether a brute Animal, or a rational one. Moreover I learnt, that the Action of the Judges extending their Branches towards Heaven, was the ordinary Ceremony of Religion before they proceeded to Trial. The Lawyers were all covered with Sheep-Skins, as Emblems of Innocence and Impartiality in the Management of their Causes; and indeed all the Lawyers here were Men of Probity; which shews that in a well-constituted Government it is not impossible, but that there may be honest Lawyers. So severe were the Laws against knavish Advocates, that Fraud and foul Play could not escape Detection, Perfidiousness could find no Shelter, Slander no Mercy, Impudence no Countenance, and Deceit no Impunity. The three-fold Repetition of Words was made use of to assist the Slowness of their Perception, in which the Natives of this Globe were distinguished from all others; for very few could comprehend what they had only cursorily read, or understand what they had only once heard. Those whose forward Capacities took a Thing presently, were deem’d defective in Judgment, and therefore it was seldom that such were admitted to any weighty Posts or Offices; for they had learnt by Experience, that the Government had been endanger’d when in the Hands of those who were quick of Apprehension, and who were commonly styl’d great Geniuses; but that those of slower Capacities had restored to Order what the others had thrown into Confusion. These Things were Paradoxes to me, yet upon a more serious Recollection, they seemed not altogether absurd. But the History of the President fill’d me with the greatest Astonishment. She was a Virgin, and a Native of that City, and by the then reigning Sovereign was appointed Kaki, or supreme Judge in the City: For among these People there was no Difference of Sexes observed in the Distribution of publick Posts; but an Election being made, the Affairs of the Republick were committed to the wisest and most worthy. And in order to form a right Judgment of the Proficience, or of the intellectual Endowments of every one, there were proper Seminaries instituted, the chief Directors of which were styl’d Karatti (a Word that strictly signifies Inquisitors.) It was their Office to inspect into every one’s Abilities, to inquire nicely into the Genius of the Youth, and after such Inquiry to transmit annually to their Prince an Account or List of such as were to be admitted to all Duties and Posts of Government, and to point out at the same Time, in what Particular every one of them was most likely to be of Service to the State. The Prince upon the Receipt of such Catalogue ordered their Names to be inscrib’d in a Book, that he might never be at a Loss what Sort of Persons to prefer to the vacant Posts. The aforesaid Virgin four Years before had obtained a most honourable Testimonial from the Karatti, and upon that Account was by the Sovereign appointed President of the City in which she was born. This Rule they observe constantly and inviolably, because they believe that the Welfare of any Place will be best consulted and pursued by those who are Natives of it. Palmka (that was the Name of the Virgin) for the Space of three Years govern’d this truly Spartan Commonwealth with the highest Applause, and was esteem’d the wisest Tree in all the City; for so great was her Dulness of Apprehension, that she hardly ever conceiv’d a Thing without its being thrice or four times repeated. But what she once apprehended she thoroughly understood, and with such Acumen solv’d every Difficulty in it, that her Decrees were deem’d so many Oracles.

Novit enim justum gemina suspendere lance

Ancipitis libræ, rectum discrevit, ubi inter

Curva subit, vel cum fallit pede regula raro.

And hence there were no judicial Decrees of hers during her Administration of Justice, which were not confirmed and applauded by the High Court of Justice at Potu, the Capital of the Empire: Therefore the Institution in Favour of the weaker Sex, which at first View I had condemn’d, had nothing absurd in it upon a more accurate Review. Bless me! thought I, what if the Wife of our Mayor of Bergen were to sit in Judgment instead of her Husband? What if the Daughter of Counsellor Severini, that all-accomplish’d young Lady, were to plead at the Bar instead of her stupid Father? Our Laws would never receive the least Dishonour from them, nor would Justice be so often violated. Moreover, I was of Opinion, since in the European Courts of Law, Causes were so soon determin’d, that such sudden and hasty Determinations, were they to undergo a strict Scrutiny, would by no Means pass without Censure. To proceed to explain some other Things. The Reason of the Venæ-section or Letting Blood, I understood to be this: When any one was convicted of a Crime, instead of whipping, maiming, or capital Punishments, he was condemned to the Venæ-section, that is, to have a Vein open’d, by which it should appear, whether his Crime proceeded from Malice, or from the vitiated Blood, and whether by such an Operation he could be cur’d. So that these Courts of Justice regarded the Amendment, rather than the Punishment of the Offender. Yet the very Method of Amendment had a Sort of Punishment in it, because it was a Mark of Ignominy to undergo this Operation by judicial Sentence. If any one fell a second Time into the same Crime, he was deem’d an unworthy Member of the State, and as such was to be banish’d to the Firmament, where all were receiv’d without Distinction. But of this sort of Exile we shall enlarge hereafter. Then as to the Reason why upon the Opening of my Vein the Chirurgeon was so astonish’d at the Sight of my Blood, it was this, namely, that the Natives of this Globe had a white fluid Juice in their Veins. And the whiter this was, so much the greater Mark it bore of Innocence and Probity.

All these Things, when I had perfectly learn’d the subterranean Tongue, I thoroughly understood, and thenceforward began to form a milder Judgment of a People I had too hastily censur’d. And tho’ at first I was of Opinion that these Trees were excessively stupid and brutish, yet I soon found Reason to think that they were not altogether destitute of Humanity, and that therefore I was in no Danger of my Life. And what confirm’d me in this was, that twice a Day I saw my Food duly brought me. This Food consisted of Fruits, Herbs, and Pulse, and my Drink was a Liquor the most delicious and grateful I ever tasted.

The Magistrate, in whose Custody I was, soon sent Advice to the Sovereign of the Empire, who resided at Potu, (not far from this City) that a certain rational Animal, of a very unusual Make, had fallen into his Hands. The Sovereign, excited by the Novelty of the Thing, gave Orders that I should be instructed in their Language, and then sent to Court. Hereupon I had a Language Master appointed me, under whose Care in the Space of six Months I made so great a Proficiency, that I was enabled to converse pretty readily with the Natives. After having pass’d thro’ this first Exercise, a new Order arriv’d from Court, concerning my farther Instruction, by which I was commanded to be enter’d into the Seminary, that the natural Powers of my Understanding might be enquir’d into by the Karatti, and in what Kind of Learning I gave the most hopeful Promises of Success. All this was done with great Exactness. While I was performing my Exercises here, they were as careful of my Body as they were of my Mind, and particularly, they us’d their utmost Art to bring me into their own Shape, and accordingly they skilfully fitted artificial Branches to my Body.

During this, the Magistrate, at whose House I lodg’d, every Evening as I return’d from the Seminary, enter’d into various Conferences with me. He heard me with the utmost Pleasure descanting on those Things that had occur’d to me in this subterranean Tour. But he was above Measure amaz’d at the Description I gave him of our Earth, and of that immense Heaven that surrounded it, studded with infinite Stars. All this he heard with the utmost Avidity. But it kindled his Blushes, when I told him of the Trees of our Globe, which were lifeless, immoveable, and fastened by the Roots to the Ground; nay, he beheld me with some Resentment, when I attested that our Trees were cut down for Fuel to heat our Furnaces and dress our Provisions. But considering the Thing more gravely, his Indignation subsided, and extending his five Branches to the Skies (for so many he had) he ador’d the Wisdom of the great Creator, whose Ways are past finding out; and henceforward he heard me with still greater Attention. His Wife, who had hitherto avoided me, when she learnt the true Reason for which I was brought to Judgment, and that I was deceiv’d in the Appearance of a Tree, which in our Country ’twas a customary Thing to climb, now laid aside all Suspicion, and was entirely reconciled. But yet, that I might not at the Beginning of our Reconciliation open an old Wound, I declin’d all Conversation with her, unless in the Presence, and at the express Command of her Husband.

CHAP. III.

A Description of the City of Keba.

IN the mean while, and during the Course of this Discipline under the Karatti, my Host walk’d me about the City to shew me whatever was curious and observable. We walk’d up and down without any Molestation, and what was more to be admir’d, without any crowding or jostling; quite otherwise than it is with us, where People flock in Heaps to any Thing that is new and uncommon, that they may feast their Curiosity. For the Inhabitants of this Planet have very little Taste for Novelty, and pursue only solid Things. The Name of this City is Keba, and it is the second in Dignity of the whole Potuan Empire. The Inhabitants are so sedate and grave, you would swear they were all Senators. Age is particularly honourable here; nor is there a profounder Deference and Veneration any where paid it; for it carries Authority not only in its Sentiments, but in its Looks and Nods. But I much wonder’d that a Nation so sober, so modest as this, should be delighted with Comedies and certain ludicrous Shews and Spectacles that were there exhibited. This did not seem to suit with so much Gravity. Which my Host perceiving, Through all these Dominions, says he, the Subjects divide their Time between Things serious and Things of a gayer Turn,

Saturnumq; gravem nostro Jove frangimus una.

For, among other laudable Institutions of this Empire, there is an Indulgence of innocent Pleasures, by which it is believ’d the Soul is strengthen’d, and prepar’d to sustain the more arduous Duties, and by which those black Clouds of Melancholy are dispell’d, which are thought to be the Sources of Riots, Seditions, and pernicious Counsels. Therefore they chequer the severer Toils with Sports and Plays, so happily tempering Seriousness with Pleasantry, that the first cannot degenerate into Sourness, nor the latter into Impertinence. But it was not without Indignation I observ’d that School-Disputations do there make a Part of the Shews and Theatrical Performances. For at set Times of the Year, Wagers being laid, and a Reward assign’d to the Conquerors, the Disputants engage like a Couple of Gladiators, and much upon the same Terms that fighting Cocks or any such battling Animals do among us. Hence it was a Custom among the Great, to maintain a Set of Disputants, as we do a Pack of Hounds, and to give them a logical Education, that they may be fit for Engagement at the stated Times of the Year. Thus a certain wealthy Citizen in three Years Time had made prodigious Gains, even to the Sum of 4000 Ricatu, from one Disputant, whom he maintained for that Purpose. This Disputant, with an amazing Volubility of Tongue,

Diruit, ædificat, mutat quadrata rotundis,

By ensnaring Syllogisms and every Artifice of Logick, by Distinctions, Reservations, and Exceptions, eluded every Opponent, and silenc’d whom he would. I was often present at these Entertainments, and that with no small Vexation. For it seem’d to me a horrid and shameful Thing, that such noble Exercises, which give Lustre to our Schools, should here be prostituted on the Stage. And when I call’d to Mind, that I myself with the highest Applause had disputed in Publick, and had obtained the Laurel, I could scarce withhold my Tears. And not only the Dispute, but the Method of disputing incensed me. For they hir’d certain Stimulators, in their Language Cabalci, who when they observ’d the Ardor of the Disputants to flag, just prick’d their Sides with Lancets to re-kindle it, and to rally their declining Spirits. Other Things thro’ Shame I omit, which in so polish’d a Nation I could not but condemn. Besides these Disputants, call’d in their Tongue, by way of Contempt, Masbaki, that is strictly, Wranglers, there were other Trials of Skill between Beasts, both of the wild and tame Kind, and also between Birds of Prey, which were exhibited to the Spectators at a certain Price. I begg’d to know of my Host, how it was possible that so judicious a Nation could think of leaving to the Theatre those noble Exercises, whereby a Faculty of Speaking is acquir’d, Truth is discover’d, and the Understanding sharpen’d? He reply’d, that formerly these Exercises were in high Reputation among their barbarous Ancestors; but since they had been convinc’d by Experience, That Truth was rather stifled by Disputes, that their Youth were render’d petulant and forward thereby, that Disturbances arose from them, and that the more generous Studies were so much the more fetter’d, they turn’d over these Exercises from the University to the Playhouse; and the Event has shew’d us, that by Reading, Silence, and Meditation, the Students now make far greater Advances in Learning. With this Reply, tho’ very specious, I was not however altogether satisfy’d.

In this City there was an Academy or School, where with the utmost Decency and Solidity the Liberal Arts were taught. My Host introduc’d me into the Auditory of this School on a particular Day, when a Madic, or Doctor of Philosophy, was to be created. The whole Ceremony was this: The Candidate made a learned and elegant Dissertation upon a Problem in natural Philosophy, which being ended, the Governors of the School inserted his Name in the Register of Doctors, who from thence had Authority to teach publickly. My Host asking how I liked it? I answer’d that it appear’d to me a mighty dry Business in Comparison of our Promotions. Then I explain’d to him how Masters and Doctors were created among us, namely, by exhibiting certain Specimens of their Skill in Disputation. At this, contracting his Brows, he desir’d to know the Nature of our Disputations, and in what they differ from the subterranean. I reply’d, that they were usually upon curious and learned Subjects, particularly such as relate to the Manners, Language, or Dress of two ancient Nations who formerly flourish’d in Europe, and that I for my Part had wrote three Dissertations upon the Slippers of the Ancients. With that he set up such a Laugh, as made the whole House ring. His Wife, alarm’d with the Noise, flies to know the Cause of it: But I was so much out of Humour, that I disdained to answer her; for I thought it a burning Shame, so grave and solid a Matter should be treated with that Ridicule and Contempt. But understanding from her Husband the Truth of the Case, she laugh’d as violently. This Thing taking Air, gave a Handle to endless Sneers; nay, the Wife of a certain Senator, of herself exceedingly prone to laugh, was so delighted, that she had like to have burst herself. And she soon, after dying accidentally of a Fever, it was thought her Death was occasion’d by that immoderate Laugh, which had inflam’d her Lungs. They were not indeed quite certain that such was the Case; however, so it was whisper’d. She was otherwise a Matron of a fine Understanding, and a most useful Lady, for she had seven Branches, which is something rare in that Sex. All the better Sort of Trees were much concern’d at her Death. She was bury’d at Midnight without the City Gates, and in the same Garments she happen’d to have on when she dy’d. For there is a Provision by Law, that no Body can be bury’d in the City, because they believe the Air may be corrupted by the Effluvia of the Carcases. It is also by Law provided, that the dead Bodies shall be interr’d without any Funeral Pomp, or rich Dresses, inasmuch as all is shortly to be the Food of Worms. And these appear’d to me to be very wise Institutions. Yet they had Feasts in Honour of the Dead, and also Funeral Orations, which simply contain’d an Exhortation to a virtuous Life, and which plac’d before their Eyes an Image of Mortality. At this the Censors were present, to observe whether the Orators rais’d or depress’d the Character of the Deceas’d beyond Justice. And hence the subterranean Orators were extremely sparing of their Encomiums, since to give immoderate Praises was punishable by Law. Not long after, when I was going to one of these Funeral Orations, I ask’d my Host what was the State and Condition of the departed Hero? He reply’d, he was an Husbandman who dy’d suddenly upon the Road to this City. Hereupon, in my Turn, I burst into an excessive Laughter, retorting thus their own Weapons upon them. And pray, says I, why have not Bulls and Oxen, those Companions of Husbandmen, the Honour of a Funeral Oration? They can equally supply Matter, for they equally perform the same Office. But my Host desir’d me to spare my Jests; for that in these Dominions Husbandmen were held in the highest Esteem, on account of the great Excellence of the Duties they were employ’d in; and that no Way of Life was more honourable than that of Agriculture. Thus every honest and industrious Farmer was regarded by the Citizens as their Feeder and Foster-Father. And hence arose the Custom, that when the Farmers about Autumn, or in the Month of Palm-Trees, repair to the City with a Multitude of Carriages loaden with Corn, the Magistrates meet them without the Gates, and introduce them into the City with Trumpets and other Instruments in Concert, after the Manner of a Triumph. At this strange Account I was struck dumb, especially recollecting the hard Fate of our Husbandmen, groaning under the deepest Slavery, and whose Employments are look’d upon as low and illiberal, in Comparison of those which are Pandars to our Pleasures; such as Cooks, Poulterers, Perfumers, and such like. And this I fairly own’d to my Host, at the same Time enjoining him Silence, fearing lest the Subterraneans should pass very unfavourable Judgments upon Mankind. Having promised Secrecy, he carry’d me to the Hall where the Funeral Oration was to be made. I own I never heard any Thing executed more solidly, with greater Veracity, or with so little an Appearance of Flattery as this; and I judg’d it a proper Pattern, to which all Funeral Orations should conform. The Orator first gave us a View of the Virtues of the Deceas’d, and then enumerated his Vices and Failings, with an Admonition to his Audience to avoid ’em.

As we return’d from the Hall, we met an Offender in Custody of three Keepers. The same by Decree in Court had lately undergone the Punishment of the Arm (so they call the letting Blood) and was now going to be consign’d over to the publick Hospital or Bedlam. Upon Enquiry into the Reason of such Sentence, I was inform’d, that the Criminal had disputed publickly about the Qualities and Essence of the Supreme Being, a Thing here prohibited, where all these over curious Disquisitions are thought to be such exquisite Folly and Rashness, that a Creature of a sound Understanding could not well fall into it. Therefore these subtle Disputants, after the Venæ-section, were, like Madmen, condemned to Confinement, till they got out of this Delirium. Ah! thought I to myself, what would become of our Divines, whom we every Day hear wrangling about the Quality and Attributes of the Deity, about the Nature of spiritual Beings, and other Mysteries of that Kind? What also would become of our Metaphysicians, who by their transcendental Jargon, affect a Degree of Wisdom far above the Vulgar, and even above Human Nature itself? Certainly, instead of Hoods, Caps, and other Academical Honours, which in our World are so liberally granted them, they would in this be shew’d the Way to the publick Hospital.

All this, and other Things full as paradoxical, I remark’d during the Time of my Probation in the Seminary. At length the appointed Time arriv’d, when, by Order of the Prince, I was to be conducted to Court with a Testimonial. I flatter’d myself, that I should have the most honourable Encomiums and Approbations, depending partly upon my own Accomplishments, since I had learn’d the subterranean Tongue sooner than could be expected, and partly upon the Interest of my Host, together with the renown’d Integrity of my Judges. At last my Testimonial was deliver’d me, which I open’d with the utmost Transport, impatient of reading my own Praises, and of concluding from thence what my Destiny was to be. But the Perusal of it threw me into Fits of Rage and Despair. The Tenor of it was this:

“In Obedience to the Commands of your Serene Highness, the Animal lately arriv’d from another World, and calling himself a Man, we herewith send, most carefully instructed in our Seminary. Upon the nicest Inquiry into his Genius and Manners, we have found him to be of competent Docility, and extremely quick of Apprehension, but of so weak and uneven a Judgment, that he hardly merits to be consider’d as a rational Creature, much less to be admitted to any important Office in the Government. But since he excels every one in Swiftness of Foot, we are humbly of Opinion that he is extremely qualify’d for the Post of King’s Messenger. Given at our Seminary of Keba, in the Month of Brambles, by your Serene Highness’s most humble Servants,

Nehec, Jochtan, Rapasi, Chilac.”

Upon this I went to my Host in a Torrent of Tears, and humbly implor’d that he would interpose his Authority to procure a milder Testimonial from the Karatti, and that he would shew them my University-Testimonial, in which I was complimented with Epithets of Ingenious and Honourable. He reply’d, that that Testimonial might have its Weight in our World, where they regarded perhaps the Shadow more than the Substance, the outward Bark more than the inward Texture; but that it would be of no Value with them, where they penetrate into the inmost Nature of Things: And exhorted me moreover to bear my Fate as temperately as I could, especially as the Testimonial could be neither revok’d or alter’d; for that there was no greater Crime than to ascribe undeserved Virtues to any one. But what Comfort it was in the Power of Words to give, he gave.

—Verba facit, quibus hunc lenire dolorem

Possit, & ingentem morbi partem removere.

Ne cures hæc, quæ stulte miraris & optas.

Quos non præcipitat subjecta potentia magnæ

Invidiæ? mergit longa atq; insignis honorum

Pagina; namq; homini, nimios qui captat honores,

Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur

Excelsæ turris tabulata, unde altior illi

Casus, & impulsæ præceps immane ruinæ.

As to the Testimonial of the Karatti, he added, that they were the most incorrupt and upright Judges, who could be brib’d by no Presents, nor aw’d by no Threats, to recede a Hair’s Breadth from Truth; and that therefore there was no Room for Suspicion in this Case. He also candidly acknowledged, that the Poverty of my Judgment was a Thing not unobserv’d by himself, and that he inferr’d from the Readiness of my Memory, and the Quickness of my Apprehension, that I was not that Sort of Wood out of which Mercury was to be made, and that I could not possibly meet with Preferment upon account of that remarkable Defect in my Judgment: That he had gather’d, from my Discourses and Description of Europe, that I was

Stultorum in patria, pravoq; sub aere natum.

And with these and a great many more Professions of Friendship, he desir’d me without Delay to prepare for my Journey. I follow’d the Advice of this most sagacious Person, especially as Necessity requir’d it, and as it would have been Rashness to have oppos’d the Order of the Prince.

We now began our Journey in Company with some other young Trees, which were dismiss’d from the Seminary at the same Time, and sent to Court for the same End. Our Leader was one of the Karatti, who, upon account of his Age and a Weakness in his Feet, was carry’d by an Ox; for it is an unusual Thing here to have Vehicles, these being indulg’d only to the Decrepit and Diseas’d; tho’ the Inhabitants of this Planet are really more excusable for it than those of our World, by reason of the Slowness of their Gait. I remember, when I gave a Description of our Vehicles, that is, our Coaches with Horses, into which we were stuff’d like so much Lumber, and drawn thro’ the City, the Subterraneans smil’d at my Account, especially when they heard that no Neighbour envy’d another, unless he kept his Coach and was drawn in it through the Streets by a Pair of mettlesome four-footed Beasts. What with the Slowness of the Motion of these rational Trees, we were three Days upon this Journey, tho’ Keba is hardly four Miles distant from the Capital. Had I been alone, a Day would have been sufficient. ’Twas a Pleasure indeed that I excell’d these Subterraneans in that Advantage of Foot, but it griev’d me to the Soul that for that very Excellence I was condemn’d to a vile ignominious Office. Would to God! said I, that I labour’d under the same Infirmity with them, since by this Defect alone I might have escap’d the low and ignoble Drudgery I was destin’d to. Our Leader, over-hearing me, reply’d thus, If Nature had not made you Amends for the Defects of your Mind by some one Excellence of Body, all would behold you as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth; for that very Quickness of Parts permits you only to see the Surface of Things, and not the Substance; and since you have but two Branches, you are inferior to the Subterraneans in every Thing that depends upon the Hands. Hearing this, I thank’d God who had given me this Swiftness of Feet, since without this Virtue I had no Chance to be reckon’d in the Number of rational Creatures.

During our Journey, I was surpriz’d to see all around me the Natives so intent upon their Labours, that at the Approach of Passengers nobody left off Work, or even threw their Eyes round, tho’ something extraordinary should even pass along. But at the Close of Day, their Toils all ended, then they indulg’d in every Amusement of the Mind, the chief Magistrate conniving and tolerating these Diversions, as Reliefs and Strengtheners of the Body and Mind, and something full as necessary as Meat and Drink. This and other Things made the Journey highly grateful. The whole Country is perfectly beautiful. Imagine it a spacious Amphitheatre, and such an one as Nature alone could make. Where Nature was less profuse, all was supply’d by the Industry of the Inhabitants, who were animated to these rural Toils, and to the cultivating and improving their Land, by Rewards from the Magistrate; and whoever suffer’d his Grounds to run to Ruin, afterwards wrought for Hire. We pass’d by many fair Villages, which from the Multitude of them look’d like one continued City, and exhibited the same Appearance all along. Yet we were something infested by the Monkeys from the Woods, which rambling up and down, and from an Affinity in my Shape, imagining I was of their Race, were continually teazing me with their Approaches and Touches. I could scarce suppress my Rage, when I perceiv’d that this was a perfect Comedy to some of the Trees; for I was conducted to Court (by express Order of his Majesty) in the same Dress, in which I alighted upon the Planet, namely, with my Harpoon in my right Hand, that his Majesty might behold what the Dress of our World was, and particularly what was my own Appearance upon my Arrival. And very opportunely it was that I had my Harpoon in my Hand, that I might chace away those Swarms of Monkeys that gather’d apace at last round me; tho’ it was all in vain; for in the room of those that fled more came, so that I was forced to move every Step like a Man upon his Guard.

CHAP. IV.

The Court of the Potuan Empire.

AT length we came to the Royal City of Potu, which for Beauty and Magnificence might vie with any. The Buildings there are more numerous and extensive than at Keba, and the Streets wider and more commodious. The Forum, which was the first Place we were brought to, was fill’d with Numbers of Merchants, and surrounded every Way with Shops of Artists and Tradesmen. But I saw with some Astonishment in the Middle of the Forum a certain Criminal with a Halter about his Neck, and a large Company of grave and elderly Trees standing round him. Upon my asking what was the Matter, and for what Crime he deserved Hanging, especially as I thought no Crime here was Capital, it was told me, that this Offender was a Projector, who had advis’d the Abolition of a certain old Custom; that those who stood round him were the Senators and Lawyers, who then and there examined the Projector’s Scheme, so that if it should appear that it was a well digested Thing, and salutary to the Commonwealth, the Offender was not only absolv’d, but rewarded; but if injurious to the Publick, or if the Projector by the Repeal of this Law appear’d to have glanc’d at his own Advantage, he was presently to be hang’d as a Disturber of the Realm. And this is the Reason why few are found to run this Risque, or have Courage enough to advise the Abrogation of any Law, unless the Thing be so demonstrably evident and just, that the Success of it cannot be doubted of: So persuaded are the Subterraneans, that the ancient Laws and Institutions of their Ancestors are to be maintain’d and rever’d. For they believe the Government would be in Danger, if for the Wantonness of every Body, those Laws were to be chang’d or disannul’d. What, alas! said I to myself, would become of the Projectors of our World, who, under a Pretence of publick Emolument, are daily hatching and inventing new Laws, with an Eye only to their private Gains, instead of the common Benefit?

At length we were introduced into a spacious House, which was the usual Place of Reception for all who were sent from the Seminaries throughout the Empire. In the same Place are brought up those who are to attend upon the Prince. Our Captain, the Karatti, bid us be in Readiness, while he went to acquaint his Highness with our Arrival. He had scarce left us when we heard a Noise, like that of great Rejoicings, and immediately the Air echo’d with the Sound of Trumpets and Beat of Drums. Alarm’d at this Noise we went out, and beheld a certain Tree magnificently attended and crown’d with a Chaplet of Flowers, and presently discover’d that it was the same Citizen whom we just now saw in the Forum with his Neck in a Halter. The Reason of this Triumph was the Approbation of that Law, which at the Peril of his Head he had advised. But by what Arguments he attack’d the old Law, I could never reach to the Knowledge, by Reason of the great Silence of the People; and hence it is, that the least Matter transacted in the Senate in relation to the Government never transpires, or takes the least Air. Far otherwise it is with us, where the Actions of the Senate and the whole of their Debates are reported, weigh’d and criticiz’d upon in every Tavern and Street.

In the Space of an Hour the Karatti returns, and commands us all to follow him. We obey’d. As we went, we met certain young Trees, who offer’d to Sale little printed Books of curious and memorable Things. Among the rest, I cast my Eye upon a small Book, the Title of which was, “A full and true Account of the strange flying Dragon, that appear’d in the Element last Year.” There did I behold myself, that is, my Effigies engrav’d just as I appear’d when I was whirling round this Planet with my Harpoon and my long Rope. I could not help smiling at the Figure, and said to myself,

Hei! qualis facies! & quali digna tabella!

Having bought the Book for three Kilacs, which is equivalent to about two Shillings of our Money, I walk’d on gravely to the Palace. Art and Elegance seem’d to preside here, rather than Profusion and a vain Magnificence. I observ’d the Prince had very few Attendants; for such was his Temperance, that he had discarded whatever was superfluous. Nor is there indeed the same Necessity for as many Servants as our Courts require. For as many Branches as these Trees had, so many Arms; so that the common Labours and Business of the Household could be done with at least thrice the Expedition.

It was about Dinner-time when we arriv’d at Court: And since it was his Highness’s Pleasure to talk with me alone, I was introduced into the Presence-Chamber. There is in this Prince a very remarkable Mixture of Mildness and Gravity. Such was his Steadiness, that his Countenance was never known to have the least Cloud upon it. Seeing the Prince, I instantly fell upon my Knees. The Courtiers were astonished at this Adoration, and when I told his Highness (who ask’d me) the Reason why I bent my Knee, he commanded me to rise, saying, that such a sort of Reverence was due to the Deity alone; adding, that nothing could obtain the Favour of the Prince but Obedience and Industry. When I rose, he ask’d me sundry Questions,

Qua veniam, causamq; viæ, nomenq; rogatus,

Et patriam: Patria est, respondeo, grandior Orbis.

Klimius est Nomen; veni nec puppe per undas,

Nec pede per terras; patuit mihi pervius Æther.

He then proceeded to enquire what I had met with in my Journey, and what were the Customs and Usages of our World. After which I proceeded to explain, as sensibly as I could, the Wit, the Virtues, the civiliz’d Manners of the Men of our World, and every Thing that Mankind pride themselves in. He receiv’d my Account very coldly, and at some Things which I thought would not have rais’d his Admiration, he perfectly yawn’d. Lord! said I to myself, how different are the Tastes of Mortals! that what gives One the most sensible Pleasure, to Another shall be quite nauseous! But what most offended his Highness was the Relation I gave him of our Law-Proceedings, of the Eloquence of our Lawyers, and the quick Dispatch of the Judges in pronouncing Sentence. While I was endeavouring to make this still clearer to him, he interrupted me by turning the Discourse to something else, and at length he proceeded to an Enquiry into our Religion and Worship. I then explain’d to him in a concise Manner, the several Articles of our Faith; at the Recital of which he somewhat soften’d his Countenance, attesting that he could readily subscribe to them, and he could not chuse but wonder how a Race of People of such weak Judgments should entertain such sound Notions of God and his Worship. But when he heard that the Christians were divided into Sects without Number, and that upon some Differences in Matters of Faith, People of the same Blood and Family would cruelly persecute one another, he answer’d thus: “Among us also there are a large Variety of different Sentiments concerning Things pertaining to divine Worship: But one Man does not persecute another for that. All Persecution for speculative Matters or Errors arising from the sole Variety of our Perceptions, can spring from nothing but Pride, one thinking himself wiser and more penetrating than the rest. But such Pride must be highly displeasing in the Eyes of the Supreme Being, who must be a Lover of Humility and Meekness in Mortals. We never teaze an Assembly of Judges about any one who shall happen to dissent from the receiv’d Opinions in Points of Speculation, provided he does it sincerely, and also conforms in practical Matters to the publick Worship of the Deity. And in this we pursue the Track chalk’d out to us by our Ancestors, who always thought it inhuman to fetter the Understanding, and tyrannize over the Conscience. In our Politicks we extremely recommend the Observance of this Rule, so that if my Subjects should differ about the Make of my Body, the Manner of my Life, or about my Oeconomy or any such sort of Thing, yet at the same time acknowledg’d me for their lawful Sovereign to whom Obedience is due, I think them all good Subjects.” To this I reply’d, May it please your most Serene Highness, such a Conduct would in our World be call’d Syncretism, and would be highly condemned by the Learned. He did not give me room to say any more, and seeming to be a little displeas’d walk’d away, and commanded me to stay till Dinner was over.

His Highness sat down to Table with his Royal Consort and their Son, together with the High Chancellor, or Kadoki. This same Kadoki was in the first Esteem among the Potuans for the Politeness of his Manners, as well as his Prudence and Wariness. For full twenty Years he never once gave his Sentiments in the Senate-House, but the rest immediately came into them, nor ever decreed any thing with regard to the Publick, but what stood firm and unshaken, so that his Decrees were so many Axioms. But then he was so slow of Apprehension, that for the least of them he used to require the Space of fourteen Days; and therefore in our World he would hardly be thought fit for Business of great Moment, where all Delay passes for Sloth and Laziness. But since whatever he once apprehended he understood through and through, and since he executed nothing but upon the severest Examination, hence he might be said to do more in Reality than ten others, who mighty readily set about Business, and are frequently styl’d Great Geniuses, but whose Decrees must afterwards be mended, alter’d, and lick’d into Shape; insomuch that at the Expiration of their Office, it is discover’d that they have attempted every thing and brought nothing to Perfection. Among the Maxims therefore of the Potuan Court, this is one, That they who are so forward at Business, are like those who walk to and fro and tread a great deal of Ground, but gain none.

When the Family were seated, a Virgin enter’d with eight Branches and as many Dishes, so that in a Moment the whole Table was cover’d. Presently another Tree enter’d with eight Vessels of different Kinds of Wine. This latter had nine Branches, and so was judg’d extremely qualified for the domestick Business of the Court. And thus by two Servants only this whole Affair was commodiously performed, which in terrestrial Courts is not to be done without a perfect Army of Servants. With the same Dexterity the Dishes were remov’d, as they had been at first placed. It was a frugal but not inelegant Meal. Of the whole Number of Dishes, the Sovereign confin’d himself to one. Not so the great Ones of our Globe, who never think a Supper grand, unless one Course of Dishes give way to a finer and more exquisite Succession. During the Repast, the Conversation run upon Morality or Politicks; so that even these sensual Pleasures had a Seasoning of Learning. Mention also was made of me, whom from the Quickness of my Apprehension they took to be not the Wood out of which Mercury was to be made.

The Repast being ended, I was order’d to produce my Testimonial; which being perus’d, the Prince directing his Eyes down to my Feet, said, the Karatti had judg’d right, and that so it ought to be. Quite thunderstruck with this Answer, and overwhelm’d in Tears, I implor’d a Revisal of the Testimonial, since upon a more intimate Scrutiny into the Virtues of my Mind, and the Endowments of my Understanding, I might reasonably expect a milder Judgment to be made. His Highness being a merciful and equitable Prince, not at all incensed at this forward and unusual Request, enjoin’d the Karatti then present, to examine me anew, and as accurately as possibly. During this Trial, the Prince stept aside to read some other Testimonials. The Prince having withdrawn himself, the Karatti proposed a new Set of Questions to be solv’d by me. I answer’d them with my usual Readiness; upon which he spake thus to me: You take a Thing presently, but not entirely; for your Solutions shew that the Question is readily perceiv’d, but not intimately understood.

The Examination being finish’d, the Prince went into the Council-Chamber, and soon return’d with a final Sentence to this Purpose: That I had acted imprudently in calling in Question the Judgment of Karatti, and that therefore I had incurr’d the Penalty which the third lesser Space of the fourth greater Space inflicts upon Slanderers (by the greater and lesser Spaces, or Skibal and Kibal, they mean Books and Chapters) and that I deserv’d to undergo the Venæ-section in both my Branches, and also to be imprison’d. The Words of the Law, lib. 4. cap. 3. concerning Defamation are these, Spik. antri. Flak. Shak. mak. Tabu Mihalatti Silac. But tho’ the Sense of the Words was very clear and evident, and the Law too sacred to be evaded, yet his most Serene Highness, by a Stretch of his Prerogative, thought fit to pardon this Offence of mine, occasioned through an Immaturity of Judgment, as well as Ignorance of the Law, which could hardly be said to be infring’d by this Indulgence to me, inasmuch as I was a Stranger and a Foreigner. And to give me a more ample Testimony of his most gracious Favour, he appointed me one of his Messengers in Ordinary, an Honour I ought to hold myself highly satisfy’d with.

Immediately the Kiva, or Secretary, was sent for, who enroll’d my Name in the Book of Promotions, together with the Names of several other Candidates. This Secretary was a most extraordinary Person; for he had eleven Pair of Branches, and could consequently write eleven Letters all at the same Time, and with the same Ease and Expedition that we can one; yet he had a very indifferent Judgment, upon which Account he never could expect any farther Promotion, and so he grew old in the same Post which he had fill’d for thirty Years. I contracted a close Friendship with him, and indeed I could not help cultivating an Affection for him, because all the Edicts and Letters of State, which he wrote, I, as Messenger in Ordinary, dispers’d over the Province. I was often astonish’d to see him execute Business with so much Dexterity; for it was a common Thing with him to write eleven Letters at once, and afterward seal them all in the same Instant. Among the Blessings therefore of a Family, a large Number of Branches is reckon’d one. And hence the Women in Child-Bed, immediately after the Birth of the Infant, are wont to signify to the Neighbours how many Branches it has brought into the World with it. It was reported, that the Father of our Secretary was born with twelve, and that his Family had long been famous for a Plurality of Branches.

The Diploma, which constituted me in my Office, being order’d to be drawn out, I now retir’d to my Repose. But tho’ my Limbs were excessively tir’d, yet was I not able to compose myself to Sleep. That ignoble Employment, to which I was condemn’d, run continually in my Head, and I thought it the greatest Debasement imaginable for one who was a Candidate for Holy Orders, and a Bachelor of Arts in the Upper World, to be chang’d into a vile Subterranean Court-Messenger. With these mortifying Thoughts did I waste a great Part of the Night, and during this Agitation, I several Times perus’d my University-Testimonium, which I had brought with me; (for as I observ’d above, the Night is almost as light as the Day.) At length quite jaded with thinking, I sunk into the Arms of Sleep. But what a Variety of Scenes presented themselves to my disturb’d Imagination! I thought I was return’d to my own Country, and relating aloud to vast Numbers of People all that had befel me in my subterranean Tour; presently I was sailing in the Air again, and engag’d with the Griffin once more, who gave me so warm a Reception, as that it wak’d me out of my Sleep. But how was I shock’d when I beheld by my Bedside a Monkey of the largest Size, which, by Reason of the Doors being left open, had got into my Chamber. This unlook’d for Spectacle chill’d all my Blood, and made me alarm the House with my Cries for Assistance. Some Trees, which lay in the adjacent Chambers, immediately entering, disengag’d me from the Struggle, and drove the beastly Creature away. I understood afterwards, that this Accident afforded the Prince plentiful Matter for Laughter. But that I might run no such Risque for the future, he gave Command that I should be habited after the subterranean Fashion, and adorn’d with artificial Branches. As for my European Garments, they were taken from me, and for their Novelty hung up in the Prince’s Wardrobe, with this Inscription: “The Dress of a superterranean Animal.” Bless me! said I to myself, if Master Andrews, the Taylor at Bergen, who made this Suit, should know that his Workmanship was preserv’d among the Curiosities of a subterranean Prince, without Doubt he would grow vain, and think himself as great a Man as any in the City.

After this Misfortune Sleep quite forsook me. In the Morning my Diploma was brought me, which gave me the full Powers to execute my Office. A Multiplicity of Business pour’d in upon me soon, and carrying the Royal Edicts and Letters to every City of his Dominions, I was the perpetual Motion itself. In these Expeditions I explor’d the Genius of the Country, and in many Places discover’d an uncommon Measure of Politeness and Understanding. Only the Inhabitants of the City of Maholki, which were all Brambles, seem’d to me something rude and uncultivated. Every Province has its peculiar Trees, or Natives of the Place, particularly the Province of Husbandmen. Tho’ in the great Cities, and especially in the Capital, there is a Mixture of all Sorts. The high Sentiments I had entertain’d of the Wisdom of this People encreased, as fast as I had fresh Opportunities of inspecting into them. Those very Laws and Customs, which I had disapprov’d, upon mature Reflection, extorted all my Admiration. I could easily bring a Cloud of Instances of certain Manners and Usages, which upon a transient View appear’d absurd, but which to the curious Enquirer, would be full of Solidity and Wisdom. Out of a thousand I shall produce but this one, which gives you a perfect Idea of this People. A certain Student in Humanity stood Candidate for the vacant Mastership of a School. His Pretensions were strengthen’d in this Manner, to wit, the Inhabitants of the City of Nahami certify’d, that the Candidate had liv’d very quietly for four Years together with a wanton and unfaithful Wife, and wore his Horns very patiently. The Certificate was couch’d in the following Style: “Whereas the learned and venerable Jocthan Hu has requir’d of his Neighbours a Testimonial of his Life and Morals, We the Citizens living in that Street or Portion of the City call’d Posko, do testify, that the said Jocthan Hu has liv’d in Wedlock for full four Years with a disloyal Wife, and that without the least Noise or Disturbance; that he has wore his Horns with a laudable Patience, and with such Meekness, has bore this Misfortune, that we judge him highly worthy to succeed to the vacant Mastership, if his Learning be but equal to his Morals. Given under our Hands this 10th Day of the Month Palm, in the 3000ndth Year after the great Deluge.”

To this Recommendation was annex’d a Testimonial from the Seminary of the Karatti, of his Learning and Studies, which seem’d to be more to the Purpose. For what great Merit Cuckoldom had to bear the Bell from all other Doctors, I could not readily apprehend. But here lay the Sense and Meaning of this strange Testimonial, viz. Among the Virtues that principally recommend a Teacher, Moderation is one. For with all his Pomp of Learning, unless he has an invincible Patience, he must be but indifferently qualify’d for the Scholastick Employment, which should be exercised without Severity or Passion, lest by untimely Corrections the Minds of the Youths should be harden’d. And since a greater Instance of Moderation could hardly be given, than this of the Candidate, therefore his Neighbours insisted chiefly on this Argument, as every Thing was to be hop’d for from a Teacher so renown’d for this necessary Virtue. It is said his Majesty laugh’d immoderately at so unusual a Recommendation, but since it was far from being absurd, he conferr’d the vacant Mastership upon the Petitioner. And in Effect, he understood and discharg’d his Duty with such Address, and so engag’d his Pupils by his Mildness and Clemency, that they regarded him rather as a Parent than a Tutor, and such was their Passion for Learning under such soft and gentle Government, that thro’ the whole Dominions there were few Schools that annually sent out such eminent, learned and civiliz’d Trees.

As during the several Years of my Employment, I had frequent Opportunities of inspecting into the Nature of the Soil, into the Genius and Manners of the People, into their Policy, Religion, Laws and Studies, I hope it will not be unacceptable to the Reader, if I collect into one View what he will meet with separately throughout the whole Book.

CHAP. V.

Of the Nature of the Country, and the Manners of the People.

THE Potuan Empire is of no very great Extent. The whole Globe is call’d Nazar, and is about two hundred German Miles in Circumference. A Traveller may easily go round it without a Guide, for the same Language obtains every where, tho’ the Potuans differ greatly in their Customs and Manners from the other States and Principalities. And as in our World the Europeans excel the rest of Mankind, so the Potuans are distinguished by their superior Virtue and Wisdom from the rest of the Globe. The high Roads, at proper Distances, are adorn’d with Stones, that mark the Miles, and abound with Directing-Posts, which shew the Ways and Turnings to every City and Village. It is indeed a very memorable Circumstance, and worthy of Admiration, that the same Language is spoke every where, altho’ the several Kingdoms differ so widely in other Respects, namely, in their Manners, Understanding, Customs, and Condition, that we see here all that Variety which Nature delights in, and which does not only simply move or affect the Traveller, but even throws him into an Extasy of Wonder.

There are also Seas and Rivers which bear Vessels, whose Oars seem to be mov’d by a Kind of magick Impulse, for they are not work’d by the Labour of the Arm, but by Machines like our Clock-work. The Nature of this Device I cannot explain, as being not well vers’d in Mechanicks; and besides, these Trees contrive every Thing with such Subtilty, that no Mortal without the Eyes of Argus, or the Power of Divination, can arrive at the Secret. This Globe, like ours, has a triple Motion, so that the Seasons here, namely, those of Day and Night, Winter and Summer, Spring and Autumn, are distinguish’d like ours; also towards the Poles it grows colder. As to Light, here is little Difference between Day and Night, for the Reasons before assign’d. Nay, the Night may be thought more grateful than the Day; for nothing can be conceiv’d more bright and splendid, than that Light which the solid Firmament receives from the Sun, and reflects back upon the Planet, insomuch that it looks, (if I may be allow’d the Expression) like one universal Moon. The Inhabitants consist of various Species of Trees, as Oaks, Limes, Poplars, Palms, Brambles, &c. from whence the sixteen Months, into which the subterranean Year is divided, have their Names. For every sixteenth Month the Planet Nazar returns to its first Station, yet not upon the same Day, upon account of the Inequality of its Motion; for just like our Moon, by its manifold Phases, it perplexes the Literati of the Firmament. Their Dates or Æras of Time are various; these they fix from some memorable Circumstance, and particularly from the great Comet which appear’d 3000 Years ago, and is said to have caus’d an universal Deluge, in which the whole Race of Trees, and other Animals perish’d, except a few which on the Tops of Mountains escap’d the general Wreck, and from whom the present Inhabitants are descended. The Soil abounds with Corn, Herbs, and Pulse; and produces all the Fruits of Europe, except Oats, of which there is no Want, since there are no Horses. The Seas and Lakes afford delicious Fish, and the Shoars and Banks are adorn’d with the most entertaining Variety of Villages, some contiguous, and some divided. The Liquor they drink is extracted from certain Herbs which flourish all the Year. The Venders of this Liquor are call’d Minhalpi, that is, Herb-Dressers, who in every City are restrained to a certain Number, and who alone have the Privilege of preparing it. Those who enjoy this Advantage, are commanded to abstain from all other Business or lucrative Employment. In particular it is provided, that those who already are in any publick Offices, or who have Salaries from the Government, shall never concern themselves in this Branch of Trade; because these by their Power and Authority in the City might monopolize the Business, and be able to undersel the rest, from the Revenues they already enjoy. An Artifice often practised by the Courtiers and great Men of our World, who in the Shape of Merchants or Jobbers, become immensely rich.

Their Populousness is mightily promoted by a certain salutary Law concerning Procreation; for according to the Number of Children, their Privileges and Immunities are increas’d or diminish’d. He who is the Father of six Children is exempted from all Taxes, ordinary and extraordinary. Hence a numerous Issue is deem’d as advantageous there as it is hurtful and inconvenient in our World, where often a Tax is impos’d in the Way of Capitation. No one here fills two Posts at once, because they are of Opinion, that the least Employment requires the whole Activity of the Soul. And therefore, with the Leave of my fellow Creatures, I must say, that Business is better done with them than with us. So sacred is the Observance of this Law, that a Physician does not direct his Studies to the whole Circle of Physick, but bends all his Application to the Nature and Cure of one only Disorder. A Musician plays upon only one Instrument, quite otherwise than it is upon our Earth, where by the Variety of our Pretensions, Humanity is trampled on, Bitternesses increase, and our Duty is neglected; and where, by aiming at every Thing, we do nothing to good Purpose. Thus a Physician, while he affects to rectify the Disorders of the State, as well as those of the Body, performs neither well. Thus, if another will be both a Senator and a Musician, we can expect nothing but Discord. We are apt to admire such daring Spirits as fly at all Things, who mix officiously in Matters of the highest Concern, and think there is nothing they are unfit for. But it is all Rashness, Presumption, and a total Want of Sense of their own Strength, that we thus blindly admire. Did they but thoroughly know the Weight of publick Office, and the Shortness of their own Abilities, they would reject the offer’d Honours, and tremble at the Sound. No one here undertakes the least Employment invita Minerva. I remember to have heard an illustrious Philosopher, by Name Rakhasi, descanting upon this Subject, and thus expressing himself: “Every one of us should be acquainted with his own Abilities, and be the strictest Judge of his own Virtues and Vices; otherwise Stage-Players will appear to have more Wisdom than we; for they do not chuse the finest Parts, but those that are the fittest for them. And shall a Player see that on a Stage, which a wise Man cannot see in Life?”

The Natives of this Empire are not divided into Nobles and Commons. Formerly indeed this Distinction obtain’d. But when the Sovereigns observ’d that the Seeds of Discord sprang from hence, they wisely removed all such Privileges as were deriv’d from Birth, so that Virtue alone is now the Test of Honour; and this will appear plainer hereafter. The sole Preheminence of Birth consists in a Plurality of Branches. The Offspring is accounted Noble or Ignoble, according to the Plenty or Want of those, for this Reason, because the greater Plenty they have, the fitter they are for all manual Operations.

Enough has been said in the foregoing Part of this Work concerning the Genius and Manners of this People; and therefore referring the Readers to those Passages, I conclude this Chapter, and proceed to some other Particulars.

CHAP. VI.

Of the Religion of the Potuan Nation.

THE Potuan System of Religion lies in a narrow Compass, and contains a Confession of Faith, something longer than our Apostles Creed. It is prohibited here, under Pain of Banishment to the Firmament, to comment upon the sacred Books. And if any presume to dispute about the Essence and Atrributes of God, or about the Nature of Spirits and Souls, he is condemn’d to the Venæ-section, and then confin’d in the publick Bedlam. For they think it the height of Folly to offer to describe or define those Things, to which the human Mind is as blind as the Eyes of an Owl to the Light of the Sun. They are all unanimous in adoring one Supreme Being, by whose Almighty Power all Things were created, and by whose Providence they subsist. Let but this Principle be uncontroverted, and they never molest any one for entertaining different Sentiments concerning a Method of Worship. Those alone who openly attack this Religion, as by Law established, are regarded as Disturbers of the publick Tranquillity. Hence I had the free Exercise of my own Religion, nor suffer’d the least Affront upon that Account. The Potuans pray but seldom, but then it is with great Ardency, insomuch that they seem to be in an Extasy. And when I related that we pray and sing Psalms very often while employ’d about the common Affairs of Life, the Potuans thought it a vicious Custom, replying, that an earthly Sovereign would take it extremely ill, to see any one humbly approaching him with a Petition, and at the same Time brushing his Cloaths, or buckling his Hair. Nor had they a much greater Relish for our Hymns, and Anthems, as holding it ridiculous to express Grief and Penitence in musical Measures, since the Displeasure of the Deity is to be appeas’d by Sighs and Tears of real Sorrow, not by the Artifice of Tunes and Instruments. This and more I heard, but not without some Indignation, especially as my own Father of blessed Memory, who was once Chanter of a Cathedral, had compos’d several Anthems in Vogue to this Day, and as I myself intended once to have stood for a vacant Chantership. But I stifled my Resentment; for the Subterraneans so strenuously defend their Opinions, and so speciously set every Thing out to View, that it is no easy Matter to refute even the plainest of their Errors. There were also several other Opinions upon religious Subjects, which they maintained with the same Art, and Appearance of Truth. Thus, when I had often observ’d to some Acquaintance, that they could hope for no Salvation after Death, as living in utter Darkness, they reply’d, That those who were so free of dealing Damnation to others, run the greatest Risque of it themselves; that the Source of all that, is Arrogance, which God must hate and disallow; and that to condemn the Judgment of others, and to use Force to convince them, was the same Thing as to assume the whole Light of Reason; which is just the Conduct of Fools, who think that they alone are wise. Moreover, when I was proving a certain Opinion, and had oppos’d to my Adversary’s Reasonings the Dictates of my own Conscience, he extol’d my Argument, and desir’d me still to persist in following those Dictates of Conscience, as he himself would always do; for that then, every one following the Testimony of his Conscience, all Contention would cease, and much Matter of Controversy be cut off.

Among other religious Mistakes maintained by the People of this Globe, were these: They did not deny that good Actions were rewarded, and bad ones punish’d by God; but then they thought that Branch of Justice, consisting in the Distribution of Rewards and Punishments took Place only in a future State. I brought various Examples of such as for their Impieties had been punish’d in this Life; but they alledg’d as many opposite Examples of very wicked Trees, who yet were as fortunate as they were wicked to the End of their Lives. In a Dispute, said they, we are too apt to borrow only those Weapons, and attend to only those Instances, which make for our Purpose and strengthen our Cause, overlooking and disregarding such as might injure it. With that I instanc’d in myself, by shewing that many who had injur’d me came to a miserable End. In Answer they urg’d, that all this proceeded from Self-Love, from my over-weening Opinion, that in the Eyes of the Supreme Being I was of more Consequence, than many others, who, like me, had suffered the severest Injuries undeservedly, and yet had beheld their Persecutors bless’d and prosperous to the last Day of their Lives. Again, when accidentally I was commending the Practice of daily Prayer, they reply’d, That indeed they did not deny the Necessity of Prayer, but that they were thoroughly persuaded that the truest Piety consisted in a practical Observance of the divine Law. To prove this, they borrow’d an Argument from a Prince, or Lawgiver: This Prince has two Sorts of Subjects; some are continually offending and transgressing his Laws thro’ Infirmity or Contumacy; and yet these shall be found continually haunting the Court to procure Pardon for Faults, to be repeated as soon as pardon’d. Others approach the Court very rarely, but remaining peaceable at Home, are habitual Observers of their Sovereign’s Laws. Who can doubt but that he must think this latter Sort more worthy of his Favour, and regard the first as bad Subjects and troublesome Creatures?

In these and the like Controversies was I often engag’d, tho’ without Success; for I was able to bring nobody over to my Way of thinking. And therefore omitting all other religious Disputes, I shall only give you their general and most observable Doctrines, leaving it to the intelligent Reader to applaud or censure them as he shall judge best.

The Potuans believe in one God, Omnipotent, Creator and Preserver of all Things, whose Omnipotence and Unity they demonstrate from this ample and harmonious Creation. And since they are admirably skill’d in the Study of Nature, they have such magnificent and exalted Sentiments of the Nature and Attributes of the Deity, that they look upon it as a Defect in the Understanding to attempt to define what transcends their Capacities. The Year is distinguish’d by five Festival Days; the first of which is celebrated with the utmost Devotion in such obscure Places as that no Rays of Light can pierce them, indicating by this, that the Being they adore is incomprehensible. There the Worshipers remain almost immoveable, from the Rising to the Setting of the Sun, as tho’ they were in an Extasy. This high Day is called, the Day of the incomprehensible God, and it falls on the first Day of the Month of Oaks. The other Festivals are celebrated at four other Seasons of the Year, and were instituted to return Thanks to God for the Blessings of his Providence. The Absentees, unless they are able to give very just Reasons for their Absence, are deem’d bad Subjects, and live totally disregarded. The Publick Forms of Prayer are so devis’d, as not to regard the People who pray, but the Welfare of the Prince or the State. None prays in Publick for himself. The Design of which Institution is, that the Potuans may believe that the Happiness of Individuals is so closely connected with that of the Publick, that they cannot be separated. None are compell’d by Force or by Fines to attend the Publick Worship, for as they are of Opinion that Piety consists chiefly in Love, and as Experience teaches them that Love is dampt and not inflam’d by Force, therefore it must be an unprofitable and a wicked Thing, to use Compulsion in the Case of Religion. This Point they thus illustrate. Should a Husband desire a reciprocal Affection from his Consort, and should he hope to conquer her Coldness and Indifference by Blows, he would be so far from kindling up her Love by this Method, that her Indifference would increase, and end in Abhorence and Detestation.

These are some of the principal Doctrines of the Potuan Divinity, which to some must appear like mere natural Religion; and so indeed it did at first to me. But they assert that all was divinely reveal’d to them, and that some Ages ago they receiv’d a Book which contain’d their System of Faith and Practice. Formerly, say they, our Ancestors liv’d contented with the Religion of Nature only; but Experience taught them, that the sole Light of Nature was insufficient, since all those noble Principles thro’ the Sloth and Carelesness of some were forgot, and thro’ an airy Philosophy of others, (nothing being able to check their licentious Career) were utterly deprav’d and corrupted. Hereupon God gave them a written Law. Hence it appears how great is their Error, who obstinately deny the Necessity of a Revelation. For my Part, I freely own, that many Points of this Theology seem’d to me, if not Praise-worthy, yet by no Means to be despised. To some I could not assent. But one Thing there is deserving all our Admiration, namely, that in Times of War the Conquerors, returning from the Field, instead of that Joy and Triumph with which we celebrate Victories, and sing Te Deum, pass some Days in deep Silence, as if they were ashamed of having been obliged to shed Blood. Therefore there is very little Mention of military Affairs in the Subterranean Annals, which are chiefly Records of Civil Matters, such as their Laws, Institutions, and Foundations.

CHAP. VII.

Of their Policy.

IN the Potuan Empire an hereditary, and indeed lineal Succession has flourish’d for a full Thousand Years; and the same is at this Day religiously observ’d. Their Annals indeed discover, that in one Instance they departed from this Order of Succession. For since right Reason seem’d to require, that Rulers should excel their Subjects in Wisdom and all the Endowments of the Mind, hence it was thought necessary that Virtue should be more regarded than Birth, and that he should be elected for their Sovereign, who should be thought the most excellent and worthy among the Subjects. Upon this the ancient Succession being laid aside, the supreme Power by the general Voice was conferr’d upon a Philosopher, nam’d Rabbacku. At first he govern’d with such Prudence and with such Mildness, that he seem’d a Pattern for succeeding Princes. But these happy Times were but of short Duration; and the Potuans were too late convinc’d of the Falshood of that Maxim, which holds, “That the Kingdom is happy, where a Philosopher is at the Helm.” For since the new Sovereign was rais’d from the meanest Fortune to the Height of Power, his Virtues and all his Arts of Government could not procure or maintain that Veneration, that Respect, that Majesty, which is the great Support of a Monarch’s Power. Those who but lately had been his Equals or Superiors, could hardly be brought to bow to an Equal or Inferior, or to pay the new Prince that Measure of Obedience due from Subjects to their Rulers; and therefore when any strict or troublesome Commands were laid upon them, they murmur’d loud, and never regarded what the Prince then was, but what he was before his Exaltation. Hence he was forc’d to have Recourse to submissive Flatteries; and even this availed not; for after these Submissions, being obliged to issue out his Commands and Edicts, they were still receiv’d with Frowns and with Reluctance. Rabbacku then perceiving, that other Means were necessary to keep the Subjects to their Duty, from a mild and popular Behaviour, he now chang’d his Measures, and treated his People with Severity. But alas! by this Extream, those Sparks which lay conceal’d under the Ashes, now broke into an open Flame; the Subjects rose in Arms against their Prince, and one Rebellion not thoroughly subdued and laid asleep, was the Beginning of another. The Monarch finding at length that the Government could no longer subsist but under a Sovereign of illustrious Descent, whose high Birth might extort a Veneration from the People, made a voluntary Abdication of the Empire in Favour of the Prince, who in Right of Birth should have succeeded. The ancient Family being thus restor’d, Peace was restor’d with it, and all those Storms, which had shatter’d the Vessel of the Commonwealth, at once subsided. From that Time it was made Capital to attempt any Innovation in the Order of Succession.

The Empire therefore is now hereditary, and probably will remain so till Time shall be no more, unless the most urgent and extreme Necessity oblige them to deviate from this Rule. Mention is made in the Potuan Annals, of a Philosopher who devis’d an Expedient to break thro’ this Law. His Counsel was not to set aside the Royal Family, but to make Choice of that Son of the deceas’d Sovereign, be it elder or younger, whose Virtues were more eminent, and who should be deem’d most equal to the Weight. This Philosopher, having propos’d this Law, submitted himself (according to the Custom of his Country) to the usual Test, namely, to have his Neck in a Halter, while they were debating about the Utility of the propos’d Law. The Senate being assembled, and the Votes cast up, the Proposal was condemn’d as a Thing detrimental to the Commonwealth. They believ’d it would be the Source of perpetual Troubles, and would sow the Seeds of Discord between the Royal Progeny; that therefore it was more advisable for the old Law to take Place, and that the Right of Dominion should still devolve upon the First-Born, altho’ the younger Issue might excel in the Endowments of the Mind. The Law therefore not passing, the Projector was strangled. And these are the only Species of Criminals that are punish’d with Death. For the Potuans are persuaded, that every Change or Reformation, however well digested, gives Occasion to Disturbance and Commotion, and puts the whole State into a fluctuating and unsettled Condition; but if it be a rash and ill-digested Alteration, it is followed with inevitable Ruin.

The Power of the Potuan Monarchs, altho’ subject to no Laws, is yet rather a paternal than a regal Power. For being naturally Lovers of Justice, Power, and Liberty, Things totally incompatible elsewhere, do here go Hand in Hand.

Among the Laws of this Kingdom, the most salutary is that by which the Princes endeavour to preserve an Equality between the Subjects, that is, as far as the Nature of Government will admit. You see here no different Ranks and Titles of Honour. Inferiors obey their Superiors, and the Younger the Elder; and this is all.

The subterranean Memoirs shew, that some Ages ago such Classes of Dignities were in use, and that they were establish’d by Law; but it appear’d that they were the Source of infinite Disorders. It was an intolerable Evil, for an elder Brother to give Place to his younger, or a Parent to his Child; so that at length each shunning the other’s Company, it put a Stop to all Conversation and good Fellowship. But these were not the only Grievances. For in Process of Time it came to that Pass, that the more noble and worthy Trees, whom Nature had bless’d with the strongest Capacities, and with the greatest Number of Branches, were seated in the lowest Places at Feasts and Assemblies. For no Tree of real Virtue and intrinsick Worth, could bring himself to sue for a Title or Mark of Preheminence, which from his Soul he despis’d. And on the contrary, the more profligate and worthless Sort of Trees would incessantly teaze their Royal Master with Petitions, till they had even extorted a Title that might in a Manner hide the Poverty of their Nature, and be a Skreen for their Vices. Hence it came to pass, that Titles were at last look’d upon as certain Indications of the vilest Trees. Their Festivals and solemn Meetings, were, to Strangers, a Spectacle the most absurd that can be imagin’d. There might they behold Brambles and Bushes in the most honourable Seats, while the lofty Cedar and the noble Oak, each of whom Nature had adorn’d with ten or twelve Tire of Branches, took the remotest and most obscure Seats. Even the Ladies had Titles; they were Counsellors of the Houshold, Counsellors of State, Counsellors of Court. And this blew up the Coals of Discord more in that weaker Sex than in the other. To such an Excess this vain Ambition rose, that they to whom Nature had been so unkind, as to afford them no more than two or three Pair of Branches, even they absurdly affected the Title of Trees of ten or twelve Branches. This Vanity is just as ridiculous, as if the most deform’d Monster in Nature should affect to pass for a Beauty, or a Man of the meanest Original give himself the Airs of a Man of Quality. When this Evil had arriv’d to its highest Pitch, and the whole Kingdom upon the Brink of being ruin’d, every Mortal grasping at empty Names, and dishonourable Titles, a certain Native of Keba had the Hardiness to propose a Law for the abolishing this Custom. This same Person was, according to the usual Custom, brought into the Forum, with a Halter about his Neck. The Senate being set, and proceeding to vote, the Proposal passed without any open Opposition, and was judg’d useful to the Commonwealth. Upon this he was crown’d with a Garland of Flowers, and led into the City in Triumph, amidst the Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. And when in Process of Time it was discover’d how advantageous the Repeal of these Laws was, the Projector was advanc’d to the Honour of Kadoki, or High Chancellor.

Ever since this Time, the Law for preserving this Equality among the Subjects, has been inviolably observ’d. Yet the Repeal did not put a Stop to all Emulation; for every one now endeavour’d to shine by true Virtue and real Merit. It appears from the Annals of this Empire, that from that Time to this, has been but one Projector who twice attempted to revive the Distinction of Dignities; but for his first Effort he was condemn’d to the Venæ-section, and since he persisted in his Attempt, he was banish’d to the Firmament. Now therefore no Ranks or Titles of Honour obtain here, only the supreme Magistrate declares some Professions to be nobler than others, by which Declaration, notwithstanding, nobody has a Right of assuming the chief Seats in publick Assemblies. This small Difference we find in the Edicts and Letters mandatory of the Sovereign, which generally end with these Words: “We command and enjoin all Husbandmen, Inventors of Machines for the Manufactures, Merchants, Tradesmen, Philosophers, Officers of the Court, &c.”

I was inform’d, that in the Archives of the Prince, this Catalogue of Honour was preserv’d.

1. Those who had assisted the Government with their Wealth and Fortunes in its greatest Streights.

2. Officers who serve gratis and without Salary or Pension.

3. Husbandmen of eight Branches and upwards.

4. Husbandmen of seven Branches and under.

5. Inventors or Erectors of Machines for Manufactures.

6. Operators who exercise the more necessary Callings and Employments.

7. Philosophers and graduate Doctors of both Sexes.

8. Artisans.

9. Merchants.

10. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 500 Rupats.

11. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 1000 Rupats.

This Series of Honours seem’d very ridiculous to me, as it must to everyone of our Globe. I guess’d indeed at some of the Reasons for this inverted Order, what Foundation it was grounded on, and by what Arguments the Subterraneans would defend it. But I confess upon the whole it was a Paradox I could not comprehend.

Among other Things worthy of Observation, I remark’d the following: The more Benefit any one receiv’d from the Government, with a proportional Modesty and Humility he carry’d himself. Thus I frequently saw Bospolak, the richest Man in the Potuan Dominions, receive all he met with such Condescension, that he lower’d all his Branches, and by inclining his Head, testify’d to every common Tree his grateful Sense of the Publick Favours. Upon my asking the Reason, I was told, that thus it ought to be, since upon no Subject more Benefits were confer’d, and that therefore he was the greatest Debtor to the Commonwealth. Not that he was oblig’d by any Law to this Condescension; but as the Potuans in general act wisely and judiciously, so they make a voluntary Virtue of it, holding themselves bound to use such a Behaviour as Gratitude would dictate; far otherwise than it is with us, where those, whom their Country has loaded with Wealth and Titles, receive their Inferiors with a lofty and contemptuous Air.

But the most deserving Subjects of all, and who receive the most universal Honour and Respect, are the Parents of a numerous Offspring. These are the Heroes of the Subterranean World, and their Memory is held sacred with Posterity. They are also the only Persons upon whom the Name of Great is conferr’d. Not so with us; where the Destroyers of Mankind are complimented with that Title. One may easily guess what Sentiments they would entertain here of Alexander the Great and Julius Cæsar, each of whom having slain their Millions, died without Offspring. I remember to have seen at Keba this Epitaph of a Husbandman: “Here lies Jochtan the Great, Father of thirty Children, the Heroe of his Time.” It must be observ’d, that in order to acquire this Glory, the mere Procreation of Children is not alone sufficient, unless they be also liberally and virtuously educated.

In the enacting Laws, they proceed with a Deliberation equal to that of the old Romans. The Proposal of a new Law is fix’d upon all the Courts and Places of Resort through out the City. The Citizens are free to examine it, and send their Sentiments and Advices upon it to the College of Wise Men, instituted for this very Purpose. Here every Thing is weigh’d that concerns the enacting, the disannulling, approving, correcting, limiting, or extending this Law. And when it has thus gone through all this Trial and Examination, it is offer’d to the Prince for his Consent and Authority. This Delay may seem absurd to some; but the Consequence of this Caution is, that their Laws are immortal; and I have been inform’d, that not one of their Laws for these five hundred Years past has suffer’d the least Alteration.

In the Custody of the Sovereign, there is a List of the most worthy and valuable Trees, together with Certificates of their Learning from the Karatti, and of their Life and Morals from their Neighbours. Hence the Republick are never in Want of proper Persons to fill the vacant Offices. It is particularly worth remarking, that no one has a Right or Freedom to live in any City or Village without a Certificate from the Place they came from, and Security for their future Behaviour.

A Law once enacted by publick Authority, all future canvassing and criticising upon it is prohibited upon Pain of Death. So that in their Politicks, their Liberty seems to be more restrained than in their Religion. The Reason they assign is this: “If any one err in Matters of Faith and Speculation, at his own Peril he errs; but if any one call in Question the establish’d Laws, or endeavour to pervert the Sense of them by some new Gloss or Interpretation, he is an Enemy to Society.”

Something has already been said of the State and Oeconomy of the Court. It has been observ’d, that the Kadoki, or High Chancellor, is the Supreme Officer. Next to him is the Smirian, or High Treasurer. This Post was in my Time discharg’d by a Widow of seven Branches, call’d Rahagna, who for her eminent Integrity and other great Endowments, was advanced to an Office of that Weight and Trust. Long had she presided at the Head of the Treasury, even many Years before the Death of her Husband, who, tho’ extremely well vers’d in the State of the Finances, yet was entirely ruled by the Counsels and Authority of his Wife, and never ventur’d to act upon his own Judgment; hence he was more her Official or Deputy than her Husband. The Edicts and Ordinances indeed were issued out in his Name, as often as she was hindred, by Lyings-in, or any other Malady; yet nothing was esteem’d firm and authentic till her Subscription or Seal was affixed to it. Rahagna had two Brothers, one of which was Butler, and the other Butcher to the Court; nor, tho’ they had a Sister in the highest Exaltation, did they dare to aim at any Thing greater by Reason of the Poverty and Slenderness of their Abilities: With so much Equity are Preferments here distributed.

This Lady, tho’ ingag’d in the most arduous Affairs of the Kingdom, yet at the same Time suckled an Infant she was deliver’d of soon after the Death of her Husband. This I thought was too troublesome and too mean an Employment for so great a Matron. And upon my giving my Opinion, they reply’d in this Manner: “Can you imagine that Nature has given Breasts to Women only as a softer Ornament, and not rather for the Nourishment of their Offspring? The Quality of the Milk, and the Temper of the Nurse, go farther than we imagine, in forming the Disposition of the Infant. And Mothers who disdain to nourish their own Issue, dissolve one of the finest and strongest Ties of Nature.” And hence there is hardly a Lady throughout all these Dominions but suckles her own Children.

The Heir apparent of the Crown was a Youth of six Years old, in whom ’twas easy to discover the Seeds of many great and shining Virtues. Nature had been so liberal, as to adorn him with six Pair of Branches; an uncommon Circumstance in that tender Age. His Preceptor, the wisest Tree in all the Empire, instructed him in the Knowledge of the Creator, in History, in Mathematicks and moral Philosophy. I obtain’d a Sight of that Moral System or Political Compendium, which he compos’d for the Use of his Pupil. The Title of it was, Mahalda Libab helil, which in the Subterranean Language signifies a Key to Government. It consists of a Collection of Precepts and Maxims, the most solid and advantageous; some of which I yet perfectly remember, and shall here set them down.

1. Aspersions or Encomiums are not hastily to be credited; but the Judgment is to be suspended, till an indubitable Knowledge can be procur’d.

2. When any one is accus’d and convicted of a Crime, it should be examin’d what Good the Delinquent has ever done; thus his good Actions being compar’d with his bad, let Reason interpose and pronounce Sentence.

3. Those Counsellors who are given to Contradiction and Contest, the Sovereign may safely confide in as the heartiest Subjects; for no one will expose themselves to Danger, but those to whom the Welfare of their Country is dearer than their private Safety.

4. Let none but large estated Men compose the Senate. Their Advantage is united with the Publick Advantage: Whereas those who possess but a moveable Estate, look upon the Kingdom not as their Country, but as an Inn, and themselves as Travellers.

5. The Prince may make use of the Ministry or Agency of bad Men, if they should happen to be fit for a particular Business, but never load them with uncommon Favours; for if a wicked or an obnoxious Man be receiv’d into Favour, the worst of Subjects will rise under his Patronage, and work themselves into Office.

6. Let him most of all suspect those, who perpetually haunt the Court: Such either have committed, or are prepar’d to commit the most daring Things.

7. Let him be very backward to reward those who are most impatient of Honours. For as no one begs an Alms till oppress’d with Poverty and Hunger, so none insatiably haunt after Dignities, but who despair to rise by real Merit and Virtue.

8. The eighth Precept is indeed a very useful one, but what I could not be pleas’d with upon Account of the odious Example with which it was illustrated. The Precept is this: No Subject is to be consider’d as altogether useless; none are so dull but may be made subservient to some good Purpose, nay even may be made to excel in some Point. For Instance, one excels in Judgment, another in Ingenuity; one’s Excellence shall be in the Mind, another’s in the Body; this shall make a good Judge, that a better Advocate. One shall have a vast Power of Invention, another shall labour at the Execution of a Thing; insomuch, that there are few entirely unprofitable. That some Creatures indeed seem so, is not the Fault of the Creator, but of those who will not perceive or enquire where their chief Strength lies, and follow that Clue. This Position he thus illustrated. We have seen, says he, in this our Age, one of the Superterranean Animals, who, by the unanimous Suffrage of all was deem’d as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth, by reason of that Quickness and Forwardness of his Judgment; but yet we see his great Swiftness of Foot is of no small Service to us. Upon reading this Paragraph, I could not help saying, This is a very honest Preface, but a scandalous Conclusion.

9. It is of no small Importance to a Prince who would know the Arts of governing, to be very nice and cautious in the Choice of a Preceptor to the Heir of his Dominions. Let him therefore chuse one of remarkable Piety, and eminent Learning, since from the Institution of the future Successor, the Welfare of the State must be determin’d. What we learn in the tender Age of Life, passes into Nature. Hence it is necessary, that the young Prince’s Tutor should be a Lover of his Country, that he may instil into his Prince a Love for his Subjects, the first and principal Mark that all his Precepts should be aim’d at.

10. ’Tis necessary the Prince should study the Genius of his Government, and conform to it; and if he would correct the Disorders of his Subjects, let him do it rather from his own Example than the Laws.

——Velocius & citius nos

Corrumpunt vitiorum exempla domestica, magnis

Cum subeant animos autoribus.

11. Let none be suffer’d to be idle, since such are a dead Weight upon their Country. By constant Industry and Toil, the Republick rises into Strength and Power; nor is there any Room left for pernicious Counsels and Contrivances against the State. And therefore it is safer for the State to allow the Subjects their insignificant Diversions, than to indulge them in a Laziness, which would be a Source of Conspiracies.

12. Let the Prince preserve Peace among his Subjects; however, it would not be amiss to encourage an Emulation among his Counsellors, as it leads to the Discovery of Truth. A skilful Judge will often extract the Truth from the Passions of the Advocates.

13. He would act wisely, if in Affairs of the last Moment he heard the Sentiments of every Member of the Senate, and that, rather apart than when conven’d. For in a full Senate, where Opinions are openly given, it often falls out that the most fluent Speaker bears all before him with a Torrent of Eloquence, and so the Sovereign hears but one Opinion.

14. Punishments are not less necessary than Rewards: The first puts a Stop to Evil, as the latter encourages Good. Hence it may not be wrong even to reward a bad Subject for a good Action, if it were only, that others may thereby be whetted up and incited to do their Duty vigorously.

15. In Promotions to Honours and publick Posts, let Regard be had principally to the Person’s Dexterity and Adroitness for that particular Employment. Though Piety and Integrity are of themselves most commendable Virtues, yet ’tis possible we may be deceiv’d by their Appearance. Every one would affect a Sanctity of Behaviour, if he knew that this Shew of Virtue was the Road to Honours; and would in Words profess the utmost Probity and Uprightness, with the same View. Besides, it is no easy Matter to form a Judgment of a Person’s Virtues, till he is admitted to Employment, in which, as upon a Stage, he is to exhibit Specimens of his Virtues. But nothing is easier than to make Experiment of any one’s Aptness for Business before-hand. It is infinitely harder for the Stupid and the Ignorant to conceal their Stupidity and Ignorance, than for a Hypocrite to cover his Impiety, or a Knave his Roguery. Besides, great Abilities and much Virtue are not so very opposite but they may be often found united in the same Character. And if a Person of large Abilities be at the same Time honest and virtuous, nothing more can be wanting. An Ignorant is either good or bad; if bad, who knows what Monsters Ignorance and Wickedness in Conjunction produce? If good, his very Dulness must indubitably hinder the Exercise of his Virtues. And if he of himself neither can nor dare attempt the Commission of some atrocious Crime, yet the Servant, whose Assistance he must make use of, in all Likelihood may. A foolish Landlord has commonly a roguish Bailiff, and a dull Justice a knavish Clerk, who fearlesly commits Frauds and Errors under the Protection of his Master. In Promotions therefore, let Dexterity be the principal Thing regarded.

16. Let none be hastily censur’d as ambitious, for aiming at an Employment he is in Reality unfit for, or for that Reason excluded from all Hopes of Preferment. For if, in the Distribution of publick Honours, the Prince should happen to adhere to this Rule too closely, the most Ambitious will soon put on the Mask of Humility, as a safer Road and a shorter Cut to Preferment. And thus the Sovereign would, contrary to his Inclination, prefer the most forward Worshippers of Fortune, as being to all Appearance the most humble; that is, he would prefer those, who about the Time of any Vacancy pretend to fly from Court and retire into the Shade, giving out by their Friends that they are averse to Grandeur. To illustrate this Point, he inserted an Example of one who, during the Vacancy of a considerable Employment he was all on Fire to obtain, wrote to the Prince to this Effect, viz. “That it was reported, that his Serene Highness design’d the vacant Dignity for him, tho’ sollicited for it by Numbers; that he for his Part must beg Leave to decline an Office to which he profess’d himself unequal; that he intreated his Majesty to confer it upon some more proper Person, and that being perfectly contented with his present Station, he aspir’d to nothing greater.” The Monarch mov’d with so strong an Attestation of Humility, preferr’d this humble Hypocrite to the said Dignity. But he soon learnt that he was abus’d; for no Minister ever behav’d with such Pride, or acted with such Weakness.

17. To set a poor Insolvent at the Head of the Treasury, is the same Thing as to put a hungry Man in your Pantry. Nor is a covetous rich Man a better Choice. The former has nothing, and the other thinks nothing enough.

18. Let there be no Foundations or Establishments for the Maintenance of slothful Trees. Accordingly, throughout this Empire, the Monasteries and Colleges admit only the Industrious and the Diligent; those who either by some useful Manufacture help to advance the Interest of the Republick, or who by their Studies and Learning can be an Ornament to the Society they are Members of. A few Monasteries indeed are to be excepted, which maintain the Aged and the Helpless; such by the Privilege of Age being exempted from all Labour.

19. When the Disorders of the State call loud for Reformation, it will be right to proceed slowly in it. For to endeavour to extirpate inveterate Evils at a Blow is as absurd as to prescribe Purging, Bleeding, and Vomiting all at once to a Patient.

20. Those who boldly attempt every Thing, and undertake a Multitude of Affairs together, are either Fools who have not duly compar’d their own Strength with the Weight of the Things, or else they are wicked and unnatural Members of their Society, who consult their own Interest alone, instead of that of the Commonwealth. A prudent Man will try his Arms before he takes his Burden up; and an honest Subject, who loves his Country, will not transact the Affairs of it superficially.

CHAP. VIII.

Of the Academy.

IN this Empire there are three great Schools or Universities, one at Potu, another at Keba, and a third at Nahami. The Studies pursued there are History, Œconomy, Mathematicks, and Law. As to their Divinity, since it is so short and concise, as that the Whole is contain’d in the Compass of a couple of Pages, importing, That we ought to love and adore Almighty God, the Creator and Governor of Things, who in some State of Existence hereafter will reward Virtue and punish Vice; as this, I say, is the Main of their Divinity, so it is no academical Study, nor indeed can it be, since it is prohibited by Law to have any Controversy about the Essence or Attributes of God. Physick, in like Manner, is not reckon’d among the Studies of the University; for since these Trees live all sober Lives, internal Diseases are almost wholly unknown. I say nothing of Metaphysicks, and such transcendental Learning, since it has been observ’d above, that to dispute about the Essence of the Divine Being, about the Qualities of Angels, or the Nature of Spirits, incurr’d the Punishment of the Arm, and Confinement in their Bedlam.

The academical Exercises are these: The young Students, during the Time of their Probation, are oblig’d to give Solutions of certain difficult and curious Questions, which are propos’d at stated Times, with a Reward to those who give the most ingenious and elegant Expositions. By these Means, the true Genius of the Students is discover’d, what the utmost Reach of their Capacity is, and in what Branch of Knowledge they are most likely to shine. Every one imploys himself in one only Science. An universal Scholar is a Chimæra; and the Affectation of such a Character is a Mark of a loose and unsettled Genius. Hence it is, that the Sciences, confin’d within such narrow Bounds, are soon brought to Perfection. The several Doctors likewise exhibit yearly Specimens of their Learning. The moral Philosopher clears some abstruse speculative Point. The Historian compiles a History, or some Part of History. The Mathematician throws fresh Light upon his Science by some new and ingenious Hypothesis. The Lawyers are oblig’d to make some eloquent Harangues: And these alone study Rhetoric or Oratory, because it is to these alone such a Study will be advantageous when they come to be Advocates. When I told them, that all our academical Specimens of all Sorts were in the labour’d and oratorical Style, they freely condemn’d such an Institution, replying, that if every Artisan were oblig’d to make a Shoe, and exhibit Specimens of such their Work, ’tis certain that Shoemakers alone would bear away the Prize. I purposely omitted to speak of our scholastic Disputations, because such Exercises were there but in equal Estimation with dramatical Performances. Their Doctors and publick Teachers never deliver their Instructions in a harsh, pedantick, and imperious Manner, as the Philosophers of our World, but forming some agreeable and delightful Fiction, they dress up and inculcate a salutary Truth with all the Charms of Fancy and Imagination.

’Tis surprizing to behold with what Solemnity the academical Promotions are made. For they take the extremest Care not to furnish the least Matter for Ridicule, or to be guilty of any theatrical Levities, rightly judging that a plain and grave Simplicity should distinguish the Exercises of an University from the Diversions of a Stage, lest otherwise the liberal Arts should run into Disesteem. Upon this, I would not venture to mention the least Syllable of our academical Degrees and Promotions, since what happen’d to me at Keba, when I gave a Description of this Kind of Honours, was ample Reason for my eternal Silence upon this Head.

Besides these Academies, the great Cities have their several Seminaries or Colleges, where the nicest Examination is made into the Talents of every Scholar, what his particular Capacity is, and in what Kind of Learning he gives the most promising Hopes of excelling. During the Time of my Probation in the Seminary at Keba, there were four Sons of the High Priest who were all educated in the Art of War; four others of Senatorian Quality were instructed in Trade; and two young Virgins learnt Navigation. For here the Genius alone is regarded, without any Respect to Sex or Condition. The Examination being made, the Governors of the Seminaries give Testimonials to the Examinants with a Veracity I have elsewhere spoke of. These Testimonials are perfectly just and impartial; tho’ I myself thought otherwise, since that which I obtain’d from them appear’d to me absurd, ridiculous and unjust.

None is here suffer’d to be an Author till after thirty Years of Age, and till he shall be deem’d by his Judges ripe and fit for such an Undertaking; consequently, few Books are here publish’d; but then they are well digested, and full of Meaning. Hence, tho’ I had wrote five or six Dissertations while under Age, I never discover’d it to any Creature for fear of drawing down their Ridicule. Enough has now been said of the Religion, Policy, and Literature of this People. But there are, besides, several Things peculiar to them, which are worthy of our Observation and Remembrance.

If one Tree challenges another, the Challenger is for ever forbid the Use of Arms. He is condemn’d, like a Minor, to live under Guardianship, as not knowing how to rule his Affections. With us the Case is different, where Appeals to the Sword are Marks of an heroic Soul, especially in the North, which must have given Birth to this abominable Custom, since Challenges and Duels were entirely unknown among the Greeks, Romans, and other ancienter Nations.

I observ’d one strange Custom in their Manner of administring Justice. The Names of the contesting Parties are conceal’d from the Judges; and the Differences are not decided in the Place where they arose, but the Case is sent to the more remote Provinces to be determin’d. The Reason of this strange Custom is this. Experience taught them, that Judges were often corrupted by Presents, or sway’d by Partiality. These Temptations they think they effectually remove, if the Parties are conceal’d, if the Names of the Plaintiff and Defendant, together with the Names of the Lands or Estates litigated, be all unknown. The Reasons and Arguments alone are sent, at the Discretion of the Prince, to whatever Court of Justice he thinks fit, with certain Marks and Characters; for Example, “Whether A who is in Possession, ought to restore the Thing possess’d at the Suit and Motion of B.” I should rejoice to find such a Custom introduc’d among us, since we often experience the fatal Force of Corruption and Partiality in the Minds of our Judges.

Justice in general is freely administer’d without Respect of Persons. Against the Prince only no Action can lie during his Life, but upon his Death the publick Accusers, or (if one may so call them) the Council for the Kingdom, cite him to Judgment. There in full Senate the Actions of the departed Monarch are strictly examin’d, and at length Sentence is pronounc’d, which according to the Merit of the Deceas’d is distinguish’d by different Words and Characters, such as these, Laudably; Not illaudably; Well; Not ill; Tolerably; Indifferently; which Words are proclaim’d aloud to the People, and afterwards engrav’d on the Monument of the Deceas’d. The Potuans give this Account of that Custom: That the Prince while living cannot be proceeded against without great Commotions and Disturbances; for that during his Life a perfect Obedience and inviolable Veneration should still be paid him, which indeed is the very Basis of Government. But when that Obligation is dissolv’d by Death, the Subjects then have Liberty to call his Actions to a strict Account. Thus by this salutary, tho’ very paradoxical Law, the Security of the Sovereign is provided for, his Authority not at all invaded, and the Welfare of the People at the same Time promoted. For these Characters, tho’ given to the Dead, are to the Living so many Spurs to Virtue. The Potuan Histories for four hundred Years afford only two Instances of Princes who bore the last mention’d Character, that is, that of Indifferent. All the others obtain’d either the Laudable or the Not illaudable Character, as appears from the Inscriptions upon their sepulchral Monuments, which have escap’d the Injuries of Time. The Character of Indifferent, which in the Potuan Language is call’d Rip-fac-si, causes such Grief in the Royal Family, that the Successor of the deceas’d Prince, with all his Kindred, mourn for six whole Months. And so far are the Heirs from resenting the odious Character given by the Judges, that it becomes a new Incentive to them to signalize themselves by noble and worthy Actions, and to efface the Infamy of the Family by a Conduct full of Virtue, Prudence, Justice and Moderation.

The Cause why one of the two Princes above-mention’d had the Title of Indifferent given him, was this: The Potuans are a brave and warlike People; they never declare War themselves, but if War be declar’d against them they push it with all imaginable Vigour. By these Means they are the Umpires between contending Nations, and the several Kingdoms of this Globe submit to their mild and pacific Sway. But a Prince, by Name Mikleta, seiz’d with the Ambition of extending his Dominions, made War upon a neighbouring Kingdom, and subdued it. But as much as the victorious Potuans gain’d by the Conquest, so much they lost of their ancient Renown; the Love of the bordering Nations was now chang’d into Dread and Jealousy; and that high Idea of their Justice, by which the State grew into Reputation, was now vanish’d. The Potuans finding this, to regain the lost Affections of their angry Neighbours, branded the Memory of the deceas’d Prince with this Mark of Infamy. What the Crime of the other indifferent Prince was, is not altogether so clear.

Their publick Doctors or Teachers are such as have attain’d to the third Age. To explain this it must be observ’d, that here Life is divided into three Ages. The first is that in which they are instructed in publick Affairs. In the second they publickly pursue and exercise what they have learnt. And in the third, being honourably dismiss’d from their Employments, they then take upon them the Instruction of the Juniors. Hence, none have a Right to teach in publick but such as are grown old in the Administration of publick Affairs, since none are so capable of laying down solid Rules as those who have drawn their Knowledge from long Experience.

If any one already infamous for the Immorality of his Life should however give wholesome Advice to the State, the Name of the Person is suppress’d, lest it should lose its Effect from the Character of its Author, and the Decree pursuant to such Advice is shelter’d under the Name of some more honourable Person. Thus the good Opinion is known, and the bad Author conceal’d.

I was inform’d, that with respect to Religion, it was prohibited to dispute about the prime Articles of Faith, particularly about the Essence and Attributes of the Deity. But as to all other Points, it is free for every one to propose their Opinions and engage in Controversies. For, say they, the Inconveniences which arise from such Contentions may be compar’d to Storms, which indeed throw down Houses, but at the same Time cleanse the Air, and prevent that Putrefaction which would arise from a stagnant Atmosphere. The Reason of their having few Holidays, is, lest a Spirit of Idleness should creep upon them; for the Potuans believe that good People as duly worship God when employ’d in useful Labours, as they do by Vows and Prayers.

The Study of Poetry meets with but cold Encouragement; yet they are not altogether destitute of Poets. But the subterranean Poetry differs from Prose only in the Sublimity of Style; and they receiv’d what I told them concerning our Rhime and Measure with the utmost Derision.

Among the Potuan Doctors some are call’d Professors of Taste. It is their Province to see that the Minds of the Youth are not employ’d in senseless Controversies and Things of no Use; to take Care that no trivial and vulgar Writings get abroad to poison and debauch the Taste; and to suppress or blot out from every Book whatever is writ in Defiance of common Sense. And to this End alone certain Persons are appointed to revise and censure Books; far otherwise than it is in our World, where the Licensers of Books shall suppress the very best, only perhaps because they deviate something from the reigning Opinions, from the receiv’d Manner of Expression, or because they lash the Vices of the Age with too strong a Sincerity, and too fine a Vivacity. By this Means, great Geniuses are in a Manner suffocated and stifled, and Writings of a good Stamp are for ever buried. But yet, as the Potuans have a free Commerce with the Neighbour Nations, among other Commodities, some Books of a poor and trivial Turn will creep abroad. Upon which Account Censors are appointed by the State, who from Time to Time visit the Booksellers Shops. These are call’d Syla-Macati, that is, Purgers of Booksellers Shops. For as among us there is a certain Sort of Men, who brush and cleanse our Chimnies once a Year, so those Censors, who pry and examine into the Books that are put to Sale, cleanse away all the Dregs, that is, such Books, or Parts of Books, as would deprave the Taste, and convey them to the Jaques. Bless me! said I to myself, What Havock would be made among our Books, if such an Institution were to take Place among us!

But what cannot be enough commended, is the Care they take in sounding the Genius of their Youth, in order to know what Course of Life they will be fittest for. For as in Musick a judicious Ear distinguishes every little Sound; in the same Manner these piercing Judges of the Virtues and Vices of the Mind, form their Sentiments from some seemingly inconsiderable Hints, from perhaps a Cast of the Eye, from a Frown, from Dejection, Mirth, Laughter, Speech, and even Silence. ’Tis by these Things they easily know every one’s Propensity, and also what is contrary to his Constitution.

But to return to what concerns myself. I pass’d my Time, it may be well imagin’d, not in the most agreeable Manner with these paradoxical Trees, who treated me with Disdain upon Account of that too forward and unsettled Judgment which they imputed to me. I grew impatient under those Scoffs they were ever flinging out; for they even went so far, as to give me the Nick-name of Skabba, which in their Language signifies over-hasty. But what chagrin’d me most, was that my very Laundress, tho’ of the Dregs of the Populace, and one of the most miserable and indigent Trees herself, did not even scruple to call me by that Name of Reproach.

CHAP. IX.

The Author’s Journey round the Planet Nazar.

HAVING continued in the unpleasing Employment of King’s Messenger for two whole Years, and carry’d the Royal Mandates and Letters Patents to every Province of the Empire, I at last grew tir’d of so troublesome and so unworthy an Office. Accordingly I again and again petition’d his Serene Highness to grant me an honourable Dismission, and at the same Time sollicited a more reputable Employment. But I met with nothing but Repulses from his Highness, whose constant Reply was, that a more important Office was above my Strength and Capacity. He alledg’d also, that the Laws and Customs of the Country were Death to my Hopes, in that they admitted only fit and proper Persons to the most eminent and arduous Posts of Government; that therefore I must make a Virtue of Necessity, and rest myself contented, till I had done something to merit better Fortune. He concluded his Advice in Terms like those of the Poet,

Metiri se quemque suo modulo ac pede fas est.

E cœlo magnum descendit Nosce teipsum,

Figendum ac memori tractandum pectore.

These repeated Refusals were enough to throw me upon the most daring and desperate Designs. From that Day forward my Invention was upon the Rack to produce something, that should demonstrate the Excellence of my Genius, and wipe away my present Infamy. Accordingly, for a whole Year I study’d the Laws and Customs of the Country with an invincible Application, resolv’d to discover, whether there were in them any Defects that requir’d a Reformation. I open’d my Design to a certain Bush, with whom I had contracted a close Intimacy, and with whom I us’d to converse very freely upon all Subjects, whether grave or gay. He thought my Design not altogether absurd, but extremely question’d, whether it would be of any Service to the State. He added, that it should be the Care of a Reformer, to be a thorough Master of the Nature and Genius of the Country he intends to reform; because the same Thing might, in different Countries, produce different Effects, as the same Medicine may be good for some Bodies, and pernicious to others. He likewise inform’d me of the Danger I expos’d myself to in this Experiment, that no less than my Life depended on it, which must be a Forfeit to the State, should my Project have the Misfortune to be condemn’d by the Judges. He therefore ardently intreated me to bestow a little more Reflexion on this Affair; tho’ he did not plainly dissuade me from my Attempt, since he thought it not impossible, that a Sagacity, like mine, might at length discover something useful, as well to myself, as to the State. I took the Advice of my Friend, and for a Time laid aside my Scheme, and with a laudable Patience continued to discharge my Duty, by visiting the various Cities and Provinces of the Kingdom after the usual Manner. These repeated Expeditions furnish’d me with an Opportunity of making Enquiries into the State of the Kingdom, as well as that of the bordering Nations; and lest what I had observ’d in my Travels should escape my Memory, I penn’d it all down, and making a little Volume of it, humbly presented it to the Prince. How much his Serene Highness was taken with this Work appear’d afterward, by his doing me the Honour to commend my Labours in full Senate; and having again attentively perus’d my Book, he was pleas’d to make use of my Services in a farther Discovery of the whole Planet Nazar. I expected a different Recompence for my Labours, but was forc’d to say with the Poet,

——Virtus laudatur & alget.

But since I was fond of Novelty, and had Hopes that so bountiful a Prince would never leave me unrewarded after my Return, I set about the Work with a good Degree of Pleasure.

The whole Globe of the Planet Nazar, altho’ scarce six hundred Miles in Circumference, yet to the Inhabitants appears of an immense Extent, by Reason of the Slowness of their Motion. And hence to this Day a great many Countries, and particularly the more remote ones, are utterly unknown to the Natives. A Potuan would hardly be able to travel over this Globe on foot in two Years. But what embarrass’d me most, was the Fear I had that a Variety of Languages would put me to great Difficulties. But I was soon undeceiv’d, and reviv’d to hear, that the Inhabitants of the whole Planet, tho’ wonderfully different in their Manners, yet all spoke the same Tongue; and besides this, that the whole Race of Trees were in the main harmless, sociable, and beneficent Beings, so that I might, without the least Danger, make the Tour of the whole Globe. This redoubled my Ardour, and in the Month of Poplars I began my Journey.

What follows is so marvellous, that it looks more like a poetic Fiction, or the Chimæras of ungovern’d Fancy, than Reality and Truth; especially since those Varieties, both of Body Mind, which in this Journey I met with, are such as one would never expect to find between the most distant Nations. It must be observ’d, that many Kingdoms here are separated from each other by Seas and Straits, not unlike the Archipelago in Europe. These Straits are seldom cross’d; but for the Benefit of Travellers, there are certain Ferrymen that keep their Stations on the Banks in Readiness to transport the Passengers. It is very rare, that the Natives ever venture beyond the Limits of their own Country; and if compell’d, by Necessity, to make a Voyage, they soon return, as if impatient of a foreign Soil. Hence, as many Nations as there are, you see so many new Worlds in a Manner. The principal Cause of this vast Dissimilitude, is the different Nature of the Lands, as appears from the various Colours on the Surface, and from the surprizing Difference between the Plants, Herbs, and Fruits; it is the less Wonder, therefore, if with that Diversity of the Soil, and the Products of it, there should also be found a no less surprizing Variety of Inhabitants, and even opposite Natures and Tempers. In our World, indeed, even Nations the most remote, differ very little from each other in Genius, Manners, Learning, Shape and Colour. For since the Nature of the Earth is almost every where the same, except that one Part is more fruitful than another, and since the Nature of our Plants, Herbs, and Water, is nearly the same every where, hence nothing heterogeneous or uncommon is produc’d, as in this subterranean Planet, where every Tract of Land has its own peculiar Property. Strangers are allow’d to trade and travel, but not to settle out of their own Country; nor, indeed, could such a Liberty be well granted, considering the great Diversity and Opposition of Natures between each other. Hence all Foreigners that you meet with, are either Merchants or Travellers. The Countries which border upon the Potuan Dominions, are nearly of the same Nature with them. Their Inhabitants were formerly often at War with the Potuans; but at this Day they are either in Alliance with them, or having been subdued, they now rest contented in their Subjection to so mild a Power. But if you once cross the great Sea, which divides their whole Globe, new Scenes present themselves, together with new and strange Creatures unknown to the Potuans. One only Thing they have in common, and that is, that all the Creatures of this Globe are rational Trees, and all use the same Dialect. This makes Travelling very pleasant, especially as the Merchants and Foreigners, perpetually passing thro’ every Province, give People an Opportunity of seeing Creatures extreamly strange and unlike themselves. Thus much I thought proper to premise, lest tender Ears should be offended with the subsequent Narration, and the Author reproach’d with Want of Veracity.

It would be a tiresome and an unprofitable Task, to recount every Thing singly, and in exact historical Order, that I met with in my Travels. Let it suffice, that I give an Account of those particular People only, whose Character, Description, and Manners have something so unusual and marvellous in them, that upon their Account this Planet of Nazar may be reckon’d one of the principal Prodigies of the Universe. I must here call to Mind an Observation I have before made, that this whole Race and Country of rational Trees differ very little in Sense and Judgment from the Potuans; but in their Rites and Customs, in their Make and Temper, there is so much Diversity, that every Province you would swear to be a new World.

In the Province of Quamso, which is the first beyond the Sea, the Inhabitants are subject to no Infirmities or Diseases of Body, but each enjoys a perfect Health from Youth to latest Age. I could not help thinking them the most happy of Mortals. But upon a slight Acquaintance with them, I found myself infinitely mistaken. For as, upon one Hand, I saw nobody sad or sorrowful; so upon the other, I saw nobody pleas’d and joyful. For as we never highly relish the Serenity of the Heavens, and the Weather, unless we have been sensible of the Hardships of a different Temperature of the Air; so these Trees taste no Felicity, because it is perpetual and uninterrupted, and never know the Pleasure of Health, for want of knowing the Misery of Diseases. Their Life is one eternal Indolence. Their Enjoyments are never exquisite, and those alone can taste the Sweets of Life, who have their Pleasures season’d with a little Pain. I protest, that I never found, in any Country upon the Face of the Earth, such lifeless Creatures, or such cold and insipid Conversations. The People are harmless, but deserve neither your Love or Hatred. You fear no Affront, and you expect no Favour. In a Word, here is nothing either to please or displease. Besides, as that continual Health never brings the Image of Death before their Eyes, nor ever moves their Concern towards the Afflicted and Diseased, so they pass their Days in dull Security, and never know the generous Warmths of Pity and Compassion; nor do the least Footsteps of Love, or any such tender Affection appear there. In Truth, Diseases remind us of our Mortality, excite us to die well, and keep the Soul as it were equipt for its Journey to that World from whence none return; and as they afflict us with Pain, so they inspire a Sympathy towards others when afflicted. This leads one easily to discern how much Diseases, and the Danger of dying, contribute to Charity, Love, and all the social Affections, and that those People unjustly complain of their Creator for appointing these Afflictions, which are so full of real Advantage. It must be observ’d, that these Trees, as often as they remove into other Places, are expos’d to the same Evils and Casualties of Life that others are. This is a Proof to me, that they are indebted to the Climate for this peculiar Advantage, if indeed it can be call’d an Advantage.

The Province of Lalac, surnam’d Mascatta, or the Blest, seems to correspond with its Name; for there the Earth produces all Things spontaneously.

Flumina jam lactis, jam flumina Nectaris ibant,

Flavaque de viridi stillabant ilice mella:

Ipsa quoque immunis, rastroque intacta, nec ullis

Saucia vomeribus, per se dabat omnia tellus.

But this extraordinary Circumstance does not render the Natives one Jot happier. For as there is no Need of Labour to procure their daily Sustenance, they spend their Days in Softness, Sloth, and Luxury, and so lay the Foundation of innumerable Diseases, and untimely Deaths. The Nature of this Country affords ample Matter for our serious Reflexion; in particular it appears, from the Condition of the People, that Husbandmen, Servants and Labourers, are far happier than those, who, free from the Fatigue of providing for themselves, are devoted to Idleness and Pleasure.

Nempe inamarescunt epulæ sine fine petitæ,

Illusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant

Corpus.

Hence follows a Train of vicious Actions, desperate Resolutions, and violent Deaths, which are here observ’d to be very common. For the perpetual Affluence in which they live, in Length of Time quite wears away all Taste and Sense of Pleasure, and almost infallibly introduces a downright Loathing of Life. Thus this Region, which appear’d at first like the Abodes of the Blest, was in Reality the Seat of Sorrow, and more an Object of my Compassion than my Envy.

Hoc celerare fugam, terrâque excedere jussit.

The next Province is that of Mardak; they are Cypresses, all of the same Form and Height, and differ only from each other by the different Make of their Eyes. Some have long Eyes, some square Eyes; some have small ones, others have Eyes so large as to take up the whole Space of the Forehead. Some are born with two, others with three, and some with four Eyes. There are also those who have only one Eye; and these might be reputed the Offspring of Polyphemus, but that their one Eye is seated in the hinder Part of the Head. And hence, according to the different Shape of their Eyes, they are divided into so many Tribes, the Names of which are as follows:

1. Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently every Object appears long.

2. Naquiri, those who have square Eyes.

3. Talampi, the small Eyes.

4. Faraku, those who have two Eyes, one of which is more oblique than the other.

5. Mehanki, three Eyes.

6. Tarrasuki, four Eyes.

7. Harramba, those whose Eyes occupy the Space of the whole Forehead.

8. Skadolki, those who have only one Eye in the hinder Part of the Head.

The most numerous, and of course the most powerful Tribe, is that of the Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently all Objects appear long. From this Tribe are taken the Senators, the Priests, and all such as bear Office in the State. These sit at the Helm, nor do they admit any one from another Tribe to a Post in the Government, unless he shall first confess, and confirm his Confession with an Oath, that a certain Tablet, dedicated to the Sun, and plac’d in the most conspicuous Part of the Temple, appears to him to be long. This sacred Tablet of the Sun is the principal Object of the Mardakanian Worship. Hence the honester Part of the Citizens, who start at Perjury, are excluded from all publick Honours, and what is worse, are expos’d to a thousand Sneers, Railleries, and even Persecutions; and tho’ they over and over protest, that they cannot disbelieve their Eyes, they are still complain’d of, and what is only a Fault of Nature, is imputed to their Obstinacy and Malice.

The Form of the Oath, which all, who are admitted to publick Employments and Honours, are forc’d to subscribe to, is this,

Kaka manasca quihompu miriac Facku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia Manascar quebriac Krusundora.

That is, I A. B. do swear, that the sacred Tablet of the Sun appears to me to be long, and I promise that I will persist in this Opinion to my last Breath.

After this Oath, they are declar’d fit for the Service of the State, and are incorporated into the Tribe of the Nagiri.

The Day after my Arrival, as I was sauntring in the Market-Place, I beheld an old Man, whom they were hurrying away to be scourg’d. A large Croud of Cypresses follow’d him, with Scoffs and Revilings. Upon my inquiring the Cause, I was inform’d, that he was a Heretick, who openly taught, that the Tablet of the Sun seem’d to him to be square; and in that diabolical Opinion he had obstinately persisted, after repeated Admonitions.

This rous’d my Curiosity to go to the Temple, and try whether I had orthodox Eyes or no. I examin’d the aforesaid Tablet with all the Eyes I had, and really it appear’d square to me. This I ingenuously told my Host, who at that Time had the Post of Ædile. With that he fetch’d a deep Sigh, and confess’d to me, that it appear’d square to him too, but that he dare not say so publickly, for fear of being dispossess’d of his Employment by the governing Tribe.

All pale and trembling I left this execrable City, fearing lest my Back must expiate the Crime of my Eyes, or lest branded with the Title of Heretick, I should be sent with Ignominy out of their Dominions. In Truth, no Institution ever appear’d more horrid, barbarous, and unjust, than this, where Hypocrisies and Perjuries alone are the Avenues to Preferment. And when I return’d to the Potuans, I took every Opportunity to express my Indignation against that detestable Race of People. But while I was in one of my angry Moods, and venting my Spleen according to Custom, a certain Juniper Tree, with whom I had liv’d in a good Degree of Intimacy, made me this Answer: “It is true, says he, that the Conduct of the Nagiri will always appear absurd and iniquitous to the Potuans; but to you it should not seem at all strange, that this Diversity of Eyes should cause such Cruelties, because you have formerly assur’d me, that in most of the European Dominions there are governing Tribes, which fall upon the rest with Fire and Sword, upon Account of some Defect, not of their Eyes indeed, but of their Reason; and you yourself extoll’d such a Proceeding as a pious Act, and of Advantage to the Government.” I presently understood the Drift of this Observation, and blusht for Shame. I left him soon, and was ever after a stanch Advocate for Toleration, and entertain’d milder Sentiments of People under Error.

Kimal, the next Principality, is accounted the most potent, by reason of its immense Wealth. For besides the Silver Mines, which are there in great Abundance, vast Quantities of Gold are gather’d from among the Sands of their Rivers. Their Seas too afford the most costly Pearls. And yet upon a due Examination of this Country, I could discover, that Happiness did not consist in Wealth alone. For as many Inhabitants, so many Divers and Diggers there were, who, bent upon Gain, seem’d condemn’d to perpetual Slavery, and such a Slavery as one would think was fit only for Criminals. Those who are rich enough to be exempted from these Toils, are oblig’d to keep constant Watch. The whole Country is so infested with Thieves and Robbers, that it is not safe to go without a Guard.

Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem,

Perfidiam, fraudes, atq; omni ex crimine lucrum.

Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus,

Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.

Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos;

Victa jacet pietas, & virgo cæde madentes

Ultima cœlestum terras Astræa reliquit.

Hence this Nation, beheld with envious Eyes by their Neighbours, drew Pity from me more than Envy. Fear, Jealousy, Suspicion, and Distrust, reign in every Mind, and each looks upon his Neighbour as a designing Enemy. So that endless Solicitude, wasting Cares, and pallid Complexions, are the Fruits of the boasted Felicity of this Province. It was not without Anxiety I travell’d over this Region; for in every Road, and upon every Frontier, I was oblig’d to give an Account of my Business, Name, and Country, to the Guards and Examiners, and I found myself expos’d to all those Vexations which Travellers experience in Countries that are jealous of Strangers. There is a Volcano, or burning Mountain, in this Province, from whence ascend perpetual Whirlwinds of Fire.

After having run over this Principality, and that with more Trouble than I experienc’d throughout my whole Journey, I pursued my Course full East. I every where found the Inhabitants sociable and well-behav’d, but extremely paradoxical. The Natives of the little Kingdom of Quamboia surpriz’d me most. There the Order of Nature is inverted. The more the Natives advance in Years, the more wanton and voluptuous they grow; and Age produces such fantastic Vices, and such lascivious Freaks, as Youth alone, in every other Place, is guilty of. Here none are intrusted with the Cares of State, unless they are under forty Years of Age. When they exceed this Term, they are too giddy for Business, like Children,

Quos dura premit custodia matrum.

I saw here the Aged frisking and gamboling in the Streets like Boys, and spending their Time in puerile Diversions. They did, as the Poet says,

Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures,

Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa.

While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them, and sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old decrepit Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d he was some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than President of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in the weaker Sex. Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old Lady, all were of Opinion he must undergo the Fate of Actæon; which is diametrically opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man has a Mind for a young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of that Sort. Once I remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel. Amaz’d to find such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of this Duel, and was told, that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they had met with at one of their Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them both. They who told me this, added, that if the Governors of these two old Sinners were to know of their Difference, their Backs would be sure to smart for it. The same Evening a Report flew about, that a certain venerable Matron had hang’d herself for Despair, because she had met with a Repulse from a young Beech she was enamour’d of.

This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship, it is enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted to any one, unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts are deem’d ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless such Contracts are sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter concerning Subordination, there is this Injunction, Let the Aged of both Sexes be obedient to their Children. Every Person in Office is always dismiss’d before he arrives to the Age of Forty.

——Interdicto huic omne adimat jus

Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos.

I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where if I had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been oblig’d by Law to become a Child again.

In the Province of Cocklecu there is a very perverse Custom, and such as would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws. The Natives are all Junipers of both Sexes: But the Males alone perform the Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In Time of War indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the Rank of common Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very highest military Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the other Hand, are in Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred, civil, or military. I had lately derided the Potuans for observing no Difference of Sex in the Distribution of publick Offices: But that was nothing to the Phrenzy of this People. I could not conceive the Meaning of so much Indolence in the Males, who, tho’ of far superior Strength of Body, could yet so tamely submit to such a Yoke, and for Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For it would have been very easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from so shameful a Tyranny. But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them, that none ever thought of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly believ’d it was Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be lodg’d in Female Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to spin, to weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from their Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom, were these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going into a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House, with a Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time find her Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed, whatever House I went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I was still conducted into the Kitchin.

Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter;

Vox dominæ fremit instantis virgamque tenentis.

Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for Hire, so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire some House of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a Writing over it, or some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive this wicked Trade with too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a Manner, they are had to Prison, and whipt like our Street-Walkers. On the other Hand, the Matrons and Virgins here, without the least Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at the young Fellows, nod, whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve, importune them, write Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their Conquests, and reckon up their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the fine Gentlemen of our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it is no Crime for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents to the Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons. There was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble Youth, the Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I heard, that it was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth, that a Suit would be commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the next Consistory Court she would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by Marriage, since it could be indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person of an innocent Life and Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not the Courage openly to condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving the City, I told several, that these Junipers acted in downright Contradiction to Nature, since from the universal Voice and Consent of Nations it was evident, that the Males alone were form’d for all the arduous and important Affairs of Life. To this they reply’d, that I confounded Custom with Nature, since the Weakness we impute to the Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education. This is clear, from the Form of Government establish’d at Cocklecu, where in that Sex you find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which the masculine Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the Cocklecuanian Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men, on the contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing absurd is related, the common Saying is, That’s a manly Trifle. Again, when any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is, We must make Allowances for manly Weakness. Notwithstanding this, I could not acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d of the Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I conceiv’d against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an unfortunate Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as in its proper Place shall be related.

Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite Beauty. They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept for her private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was much commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and hurry’d away with all imaginable Haste.

——Pedibus metus addidit alas.

From this Place I proceeded to the Philosophical Region, so styl’d from the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound Speculations of Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country, which I fancy’d must be the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of the Muses. Instead of vulgar Fields and Meadows, I expected to find one continued lovely Garden; and in this Imagination I hasten’d my Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes as they flew. However, the Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with every now and then a Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was forc’d to go thro’ a Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs, where for want of Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary Limbs after me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against these Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met a Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to Mascattia, or the Philosophical Province. He reply’d, I ought rather to ask him, how much there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart of the Place. Amaz’d at this Answer, How is it possible, said I, that a Land inhabited only by Philosophers should appear rather like the Haunts of savage Beasts, than like a cultivated Country? He return’d, That in a little Time Things would have a better Face, as soon as ever the Natives could get Time to think upon such Trifles. At this present, says he, we are all solely intent upon an extraordinary Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to the Sun; that therefore it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it being impossible to do two Things at once. I presently understood the Drift of this cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last arriv’d at the Metropolitan City Caska. In and about the Gates, instead of Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon the Walls Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine indifferently walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from the other but by Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and Nastiness. The Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what the Colour was, I could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was one quite bury’d in Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting him, Pray, Sir, says I, what may be the Name of this City? At this he paus’d, and for a Time continued as immoveable as if he had no Life in him; at last, says he, turning his Eyes upwards, ’Tis almost Noon. An Answer so foreign to the Purpose, was a Demonstration of great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d me, that it was better to study sparingly, than to run mad with too much Learning. I proceeded directly to the Center of the City, to see, if beside Philosophers, I could have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable Creature. The Forum of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d with Statues and Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon one of them, and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm and moist. Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower proceeded, I saw a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d in profound Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are us’d for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront, especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake, only laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d at this, he fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round the Forum. But when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his Wrath, I endeavour’d to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and Vigour; and I believe, with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and Disbursements might be pretty equal on both Sides. At length, after a long Contest, we both fell upon the Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts, and with inexpressible Fury fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and then once more dragg’d me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that I was just upon the Point of giving up the Ghost. At last, rather tir’d than satiated, they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House, where when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I would not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck, and tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat upon the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost Confusion, and not unlike the Disorder People are in at Lady-Day or Michaelmas, when they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these wise Men to put an End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be mov’d to Pity and Compassion, representing to them how little for the Honour of Philosophy it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and give a Loose to those very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim against. But I preach’d to the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who had so plentifully water’d my Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and redoubled his Blows upon me, like a Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing but my Death could stop his Fury. This plainly taught me, that no Anger equals a philosophical Anger; and that they who can talk so well upon the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as any.

——Nec enim minor ira rebullit

Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas.

At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes spoke them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar, and seem’d to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart, they remov’d me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these Barbarians, and at last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the Cause of all this Tumult, and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at so pleasant an Accident, telling me, that it was a common Thing for the Philosophers to make Water against the Statues, and that probably my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in Meditation, had mistook me for a Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that that Person was an Astronomer of great Eminence, and that my other Persecutors were Professors of Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this with Pleasure, believing myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing alarm’d me mightily, and that was the great Attention with which they survey’d my Form. Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my Manner of Life, my Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with the Whispers that ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what Horror invaded my Soul, when they conducted me into an AnatomyChamber, where there was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases upon the Floor, that gave a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was fallen into a Den of Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments which hung upon the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my Host must be a Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in this Place, when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane, and eying me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh. Upon my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending Fate drew those Sighs from her; That I was indeed fallen into very honest Hands, for my Husband, continues she, is Lord of this Island, being publick Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the others you saw are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary Make of your Body, they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery of it, and to make a Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light to Anatomy. This Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and setting up a horrible Cry, Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them honest Men, who make no Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent Person? To which she answered, I say again you are fallen into the Hands of honest Men, who will do nothing with a bad Design, and have resolv’d upon this Operation for the sole Illustration of the Science of Anatomy. Alas! said I, I had rather fall into the Hands of Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make my Escape, than be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen; and immediately throwing myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a Flood of Tears, I implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her Intercession would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty, which was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the City. Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d to express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till she saw me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we walk’d together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the State of the Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at length she made a Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to my Ears, and I conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some Things of me which were morally impossible. For she told me with the greatest Concern, that in this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies was extremely hard, for that their philosophick Husbands, immers’d in Learning, neglected conjugal Duties. For my Part, I protest, says she, with an Oath, we should all be very wretched, if now and then a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not administer Comfort to us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a Remedy to them. I pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended my Pace. But this Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,

Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram,

Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis,

she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace, till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I could hear her pronounce, namely, Kaki spalaki, that is, ungrateful Dog. I digested this Affront with a Spartan Nobleness of Mind, and was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.

The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of Nakir; the Capital of which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met, whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of Nakir were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of Nakir, he congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, Take Care, says he, of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you. That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.

I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into the Land of Reason. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they were all Logicians to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely happy Country, where every Member is a Cato. But when I had more accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate, must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he, is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise, because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed, have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles, with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that this Mode of Seech, for Instance, Dying in earnest, and living in a History, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools. Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or none at all, are alike injurious.”

I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such a Sort of Ferment as might be of Use to a State labouring under the Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion, when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World, namely, That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at least half the Members should be Fools. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim should remain undiscover’d by the worthy Spirits of our Age. But possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly Ferment.

Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the Planet Nazar. But arriving at the Province of Cabac, fresh Wonders offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility. Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain, the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads. Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature, yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an University, and several noble Temples.

Cambara and Spelek are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers, and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both, I found my Error. In Cambara every one, within a few Months after their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d for Death. Not Plato’s self could have imagin’d a more charming Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death, and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure, which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are, who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.

Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:

In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque.

There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very philosophical Reflexions.

I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead to Spalank, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all Vices.

Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;

Pœna metusque aberant, &c.

Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting, which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy, so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House, no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices, they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things, which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues, and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting, that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts, Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul, I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge, like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears hence, with what little Reason we dislike that calm Philosophy of some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d, who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness. It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage, Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion. For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity, if beheld with a philosophical Eye.

I left this Place, and arriv’d at Kiliac, where the Inhabitants are born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of their Death.

Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of Askarac. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As Cabac produces Animals without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads. To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone, Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected. But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the Government should hereafter be intrusted to simple Heads, that is to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People, who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt as the headless Inhabitants of Cabac. For as they, who had no Head at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts, yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race, there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however, they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.

From hence I pass’d to the Principality of Bostanki, a People, as to their outward Make, little different from the Potuans; but as to the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees, implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing, and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations. I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family, and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir, to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States. But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And, indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right, since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that Hercules is not the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in all Nature, who like the Bostankians, carry their Hearts in their Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.

From hence I pass’d by Water to Mikolac. Coming out of the Boat I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country. Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause, but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune, but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.

From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to the City of Bracmat, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met, came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects, which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d Makatti; and they devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty minute Philosophers; but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that they would see better if their Eyes were worse.

Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now enter’d the Province of Mutak, the Capital of which look’d like a Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a Place of Ease (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this, and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the Censors of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary. I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these: Powder of Avarice. Pills for Lust. Tincture against Cruelty. Lenitive of Ambition. Cortex against Pleasure, &c. Words cannot express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: Sermons of Master Pisagus, a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools. Meditations of Dr. Jukes, a Specific in the Coma Vigil, or Want of Sleep, &c. I thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books. It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a Tenesmus. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor Juke’s Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and was reflecting upon the Mutakian Philosophy, their Manner of curing Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in our Europe there are some Books that would purge the most costive, or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I own I could not subscribe to the Mutakian Principles in this Point, tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World has observ’d in the following Epigram.

Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,

Humores acres nos cruciare solent.

Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,

Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.

At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,

In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.

Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,

Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.

Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,

Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.

Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,

Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi.

I departed from Mutak, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I arriv’d at Mikrok, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the Gate shut. I was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d to open it, which was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with a Multitude of Locks, Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep Silence reign throughout the whole City, except that my Ears were now and then assaulted by a Noise as of People snoring. I could not help fancying I was got into the Region of Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would to God, says I to myself, that several of the Magistrates, Senators, and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are dear Lovers of Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City! How sweetly and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the Streets, and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and Sciences were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by these Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem it was Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having knock’d and bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided into twenty-three Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the other four to Business. Suspecting, therefore, these People to be monstrously negligent both in their publick and private Affairs, I desir’d something to be brought me to eat, which they had ready in the House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing to be dress’d, the Cook should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things are here done in the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing superfluous is omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long enough for all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon Table with a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City. We went into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with respect to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The Preacher went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no Tautologies, nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this Discourse with the long nauseous ones of Master Petre, the former is in Reality more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then produce their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of Alliance between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in these Terms: Let there be perpetual Friendship between the Mikrekians and Splendikanians. Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River Klimac, and the Top of Mount Zabor. Sign’d, &c. Thus in three Lines they express, what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded one may come to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if Superfluities were to be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his Journey half as short again, were he always to go directly strait. The Natives here are Cypresses, and are distinguish’d from other Trees by Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have a stated Increase and Decrease. When they increase, a certain Humour distils from them, which falling upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and is an Indication of the approaching Night.

From hence to Makrok is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be in Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn. He reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So great was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to walk thro’ the Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of being too late. The least I could think was, that some Part of the City was on Fire, or that some other sudden and unlook’d for Disaster had frighted the Citizens out of their Senses. At last I cast my Eyes upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d it was an Inn. Here some were entring, others departing, others stumbling for Haste, insomuch that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard before I could gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of impertinent Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you going to? How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or with Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the green, the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs, or below? with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who was a Clerk of one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away to Dinner, but soon return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account of a Law-Suit that had been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of which was now coming on before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he hop’d it would be ended within two Years, since there were but two Courts remaining, beyond which there was no Appeal. He left me in great Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that this Nation was extremely busy in doing nothing. When my Landlord was gone, I walk’d about the House, and by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was large and well stock’d, with respect to the Number of Books, but a very indifferent one with respect to the Contents. Among those Books, which to Appearance were in best Condition, I observ’d the following,

1. | Description of the Cathedral | 24 Vols.
2. | Relation of the Siege of Pehunc | 36 Vols.
3. | Of the Use of the Herb Slac | 13 Vols.
4. | Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator Jacksi | 18 Vols.

My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description of the State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that more Business was transacted by the sleepy Mikrokians, than by the waking Makrokians; that these play’d with the Shell, while the other eat the Kernel. The People here too are all Cypresses, and as to the outward Make of their Bodies, differ very little from the Mikrokians, excepting the Wens upon their Foreheads. They have not the same Blood or Juice in their Bodies which other Trees of this Globe have, but instead of Blood, they have a thicker Juice in their Veins, which is of a mercurial Quality and Appearance. Nay some think it is Quicksilver itself, inasmuch as in a Barometer it is found to have the same Effect.

At the Distance of about two Days Journey from hence lies the Republick of Siklok, which is divided into two Societies, in Alliance with each other, but govern’d by different and opposite Laws. The first is call’d Miho, founded by Mihac, a famous Lawgiver of old, and the Lycurgus of the Subterraneans. In order to render his Republick stronger and more lasting, he made sumptuary Laws, which forbid all Luxury on the severest Penalties. And accordingly this Society, for its great Continence and Parsimony, may be justly call’d another Sparta. One Thing I wonder’d at, and that was, that in a Government so well constituted, and which piqu’d itself upon the Excellence of its Laws, there should be so many Beggars. For wherever I turn’d my Eyes, there was a Tree begging an Alms, which is a very troublesome Thing to Travellers. Upon a nice Inspection into the State of the Republick, I was convinc’d, that these Miseries flow’d from the too great Œconomy of the People. For all Luxury being proscrib’d, and the Rich baulking their Genius, and giving into no Indulgences, the common People of course must lead an indolent, idle, and beggarly Life, for want of Matter to make a proper Gain of. I concluded from hence, that rigid Parsimony in a State produces the same Inconveniences as an Obstruction of the Blood in a human Body. In the other Province, that of Liho, they live splendidly and jovially, and spare no Expence. Here Arts and Professions flourish; the People are encourag’d to Industry, and every Citizen has an Opportunity to raise a Fortune. Whoever is poor among them may fairly impute it to his own Negligence. Thus the Profusion of the Rich gives Life to the Body politick, as the Circulation of the Blood in the human Body gives Strength and Vigour to the Limbs.

The Territory of Lama borders upon this. Here is the celebrated School of Physicians. With so much Ardour is the Study of Physick here pursued, that none are look’d upon as genuine Doctors, unless they come from the illustrious School of Lama. And hence this City is crouded with so many Doctors, that you see more of them than of all other Sorts of People put together. Whole Streets are fill’d with Shops of Apothecaries, and anatomical Instrument-Makers. Loitering about the City, I met a Tree offering to Sale the Bills of Mortality for the Year last past. I bought one of them, and to my great Surprize found the Births and Burials stand thus: Born fifty; buried six hundred. I could not conceive that in a Place, where Apollo himself seem’d to have fix’d his Residence, there should be such a yearly Havock among the Citizens. I ask’d the Tree what unusual Plague or Pestilence had rag’d in the City the last Year. He reply’d, that two Years ago the Number of the Deceas’d was greater, that this was the common Proportion between the Births and Burials, and that the Inhabitants of Lama were perpetually afflicted with Distempers, which hasten’d their Deaths; insomuch that in a short Time the City would be empty, if it were not supplied and recruited from the neighbouring Provinces. Upon this I hurry’d out of the City, not thinking it prudent to stay longer here, especially as the Name of a Physician, and the Sight of the anatomical Instruments, after what I had suffer’d in the Country of Philosophers, could not be very agreeable. Therefore leaving this Place, I never stopt, till I came to a Town four Miles distant, where the People live without Physicians, and without Diseases. In the Space of two Days, I arriv’d at the Land of Liberty. The People here are accountable to no Authority. They consist of separate Families, without being subject to any Laws or Power whatsoever. Yet an Appearance of Society is preserv’d, and in publick Matters they consult the Seniors, who perpetually exhort them to Peace and Unanimity, and admonish them never to depart from that primary Precept of Nature, of doing to others, as you would be done by. On all the Gates of the Cities and Villages a Statue of Liberty is erected trampling upon Chains and Fetters, with this Inscription over the Head, GOLDEN LIBERTY. In the first City I enter’d, all was quiet enough; yet I observ’d some of the Citizens distinguish’d themselves by certain Ribbands which they wore, and which, as I afterward understood, were Marks and Symbols of two Factions which then divided the People. The Avenues and Court-Yards of the Houses of the Great were lin’d with arm’d Soldiers, who always held themselves in Readiness, because the Truce being about two Days ago expir’d, the War was upon breaking out afresh. I fled away trembling as fast as I could, nor thought myself free, till I had convey’d myself out of Sight of this Land of Liberty.

The next Province is Jochtan, of which I had heard a short Description, which very much alarm’d me, and led me to think it must be the Seat of Disorder, Confusion, and Insecurity. For this Country was the Sink and Receptacle of all Religions. All the several Principles and Doctrines which prevail in any Part of this Globe, retire here as to their Center, and are taught publickly. Recollecting, therefore, what Troubles had been excited in Europe by religious Differences, I was almost afraid to approach the capital City, the several Streets and Portions of which have all Churches and Temples for different and opposite Sects. But my Fears soon vanish’d, when I observ’d a profound Agreement and Concord reign in every Part. With respect to their Politicks, there was the same Face, the same Sentiments, the same Tranquillity, and the same Care in all. For as the Laws made it capital for one Member of the State to disturb another in his Way of Worship, or to molest him upon Account of any religious Difference, hence whatever Dissensions they had were without the least Appearance of Hostility, their Disputes were without Bitterness or Invectives, and they had no Aversions, because they had no Persecutions. There was a perpetual, but very honest and worthy Emulation among the several Sects, every one of which endeavour’d to demonstrate the Excellence of their Religion by the Purity of their Life and Morals. Thus by the Wisdom of the Magistrate, all these different Sentiments excited no more Troubles in the State, than did the different Shops of the Artists and Merchants in the Forum, where the Buyers are invited by the sole Goodness of the Commodity, and where they use neither Fraud, Force, or Disparagement. By these Means, the least Seed of Discord is stifled in the Birth, and that Sort of Emulation only encourag’d, which is honourable in itself, and advantageous to the State. This convinc’d me, that the religious Troubles which reign in many Places arise not from the Variety of Religions, but from Persecution alone. A sensible and learned Jochtanian explain’d to me more at large the Genius of this Government, and the Causes of its Tranquillity. I heard him with Rapture, and his Observations I shall keep engrav’d on the Table of my Heart. I did indeed, for some Time, make Replies and Objections to him, but was at last forc’d to own myself vanquish’d, since he irresistibly prov’d all his Points by Arguments drawn from Experience. Asham’d, therefore, to contradict my Senses, and give the Lie to positive Matter of Fact, I was forc’d to own, that Liberty of Belief was the true Fountain of this Tranquillity and Concord. However, once more I attack’d my Adversary with an Argument different from all I had us’d. I told him it was the Duty of a Lawgiver, in erecting a Government, to regard the future, rather than the present Happiness of Mortals, and that he should conform his Scheme not so much to their Palate as to the Laws of God. To this he reply’d in this Manner: “My good Friend, says he, you are greatly deceiv’d, if you imagine that God, the Fountain of Truth, can be pleas’d with dissembled Worship. In other Nations, where all are oblig’d by publick Authority to one certain Rule of Faith, what a Door is open’d for Ignorance and Hypocrisy! Few, or none, have the Will or the Courage to discover their true Sentiments, and so they profess one Thing, and believe another. This makes the Study of Divinity a cold, lifeless Thing, and begets a Negligence in the Discovery of Truth. This also makes profane Learning more cultivated: For the Priests themselves, lest they should be branded with the Title of Hereticks, relinquish the Pursuit of sacred Things, and divert their Studies to other Subjects, where their Minds may range without Danger, and where their Liberty is not fetter’d. The Vulgar will still condemn all who depart from the reigning Doctrines. But Hypocrites and Dissemblers must be hateful to God, to whom a sincere, tho’ erroneous Belief, must be infinitely less displeasing than an orthodox, but pretended Faith.” Hearing this, I kept Silence, unable to dispute the Point any longer with so wise a People.

I had now been almost two Months out upon my Travels, when at last I arriv’d at Tumbac, a Territory contiguous to the Potuan Dominions. I thought myself now at home, my wearisome Journey being almost finish’d. The Inhabitants of this Region are chiefly Wild Olives, extremely devout, and extremely censorious. In the first Inn I enter’d, I waited two Hours for my Breakfast, knocking and calling for it almost all that Time in vain. The Reason of this Delay, was the unseasonable Devotion of my Host, who would not, for the World, put his Hand to the least Thing, till he had finish’d his Morning Prayers.

Tandem intrans magno porrexit murmure panem

Pallidus, & caulem misero mihi ponit alentem

Lanteram.

However, that Breakfast was one of the dearest in all my Travels, and I protest I never met with a Landlord more devout, or more unmerciful. Well! thought I to myself, this Landlord had better have pray’d less, and been more honest. But I dissembled my Resentment, well knowing how dangerous it is to provoke a Saint. The Citizens here were all Cato’s, all Censors of Manners. They walk’d up and down the Streets with pensive Looks and folded Arms, declaiming against the Vanity of the Times, and condemning every innocent Pleasure. Not a Gesture, not a Smile escap’d their Observation. And thus by their perpetual Censures, and envenom’d Zeal, they pass’d for Persons of eminent Sanctity. For my Part, as I was spent and exhausted with Fatigues, I made no Scruple of indulging in several innocent Diversions. But I got a bad Name by so doing, insomuch that every House I enter’d was like a Court of Justice, where I was sure to be arraign’d. Some, when they saw I was not at all mov’d by their Rebukes and Admonitions, shunn’d me like a Plague or a Contagion. I forbear to say more upon the Moroseness of this People: However, one Circumstance I must not omit, because it gives you their exact Character; and from this Sample you may judge of the rest. A certain Tumbacian, with whom I had been acquainted at Potu, being at an Inn, and seeing me go by, stept out to me, and press’d me to go in. I waited on him. As he had heard that I was far from being an Enemy to Pleasure, he gave me such a Lecture, and upbraided me with my Life and Morals in such Terms, that my Hair stood on End, and every Joint of me shook. But while our Cato was discharging thus the Artillery of his Censures, the Glass had pass’d very insensibly, but very briskly, from one to the other, till in short we both fell fairly fuddled on the Floor, and were carried off half dead. Having slept off this Debauch, and recover’d my Reason, I set myself to examine into the Nature of these People’s Religion; and I made a fair Discovery, that their Zeal flow’d rather from some vicious Humours, or a Predominancy of the bilious Juices, than from true Piety. But I never communicated this to any one, and left them without saying a Word.

At last, after two compleat Months, I arriv’d at Potu, so extremely weary with such incessant Exercise, that my Legs had scarce Strength to support my Body. It was on the tenth Day of the Month of Beeches that I enter’d this Capital. I went forthwith to his Serene Highness, and offer’d him my little Historical Collection, which he immediately order’d to be printed. (For it must be noted, that the Art of Printing, of which the Europeans and Chinese boast themselves to be Inventors, was of far greater Antiquity among the Potuans.) The People in general were so pleas’d with this Account of my Travels, that they were never weary of reading it. All Day long they were running about the Streets selling my Journal, and crying, as loud as they could, A Journey round the World, by Scabba, the King’s Messenger. Elated with this Success, I gave a Loose to my Ambition, and aspir’d to some Employment of greater Weight and Dignity. But seeing my Hopes not quickly answer’d, I preferr’d a new Petition to the Prince, wherein extolling my late Labours, I earnestly implor’d his Highness to vouchsafe me a proper Recompence. The Prince, who was Humanity in the Abstract, was sensibly touch’d with my Case, and graciously promis’d that he would have a due Regard to me. He was as good as his Word: But his whole Favour terminated in the Enlargement of my annual Salary. I thought I had Reason to expect a far better Recompence, and therefore I could not rest contented with this. But as I would not trouble his Highness any further, I open’d my Grief to the Chancellor. He heard me with his usual Humanity, and promis’d me all the good Offices in his Power; but at the same Time admonish’d me to desist from so wild a Petition, and begg’d me to consider the Measure of my Abilities, and the Weakness of my Judgment. “Nature, says he, has been but a Step-Mother to you, and has deny’d you those Powers of the Mind, which are requisite for the more arduous Offices of the State; and therefore you should not aim at what it is not possible for you to procure. Nay, the Prince himself, were he to comply with this weak Request of yours, must suffer in his Fame, as a Violator of the Laws. Rest contented therefore with your Condition, and renounce a Hope, which Nature has made unreasonable.” In Conclusion, he own’d I had some Merit, and particularly extoll’d my late Performance. But it is not, says he, Merit of this Kind that paves the Way to State-Preferment. ’Tis true, you have drawn a very pretty Picture of the World; but if for a Performance of this Kind we were to gratify you with the most honourable Employments, why might not a Painter for drawing a great Likeness, or a Sculptor for exhibiting a Statue in just Proportion, with as much Reason expect to be made a Senator? Merit should doubtless meet with a Recompence, and Rewards should be assign’d to the Deserving; but then they should be Rewards of such a Nature, as that the Commonwealth receive no Detriment, and suffer no Ridicule.

These Admonitions silenc’d me for a While. But as I could not bear to think of growing old in this vile Employ, I resum’d that desperate Resolution, which had laid dormant a long Time, of attempting a Reformation in the State, by which Project I might, at one and the same Time, help forward the publick Good, and my own too.

A little before I set out upon my late Travels, I had closely study’d the Nature of this Government, to see if I could discover any Defects, and at the same Time what Remedies were proper for them. Since that, in the Province of Cockleku, I had observ’d that the Government there was in a tottering Condition, by reason of the Admission of Women to the Management of publick Affairs, that Sex being naturally ambitious, still aiming to extend their Power, nor ever resting till they have acquir’d a full and absolute Authority. Hereupon I determin’d to bring in a Bill to exclude that Sex from the Administration of publick Affairs. I flatter’d myself I should find Multitudes to abet and espouse this Point, since it was an easy Matter to make it very clear, and to shew beyond Contradiction the Misfortunes that flow from this Defect in the State, and the Danger the Male Sex was in, unless the Wings of such an unnatural Power were timely clipt. And if it should so happen, that the Abolition of this ancient Custom should appear to some to be too hazardous an Attempt, in such Case I humbly offer’d, that the Female Power should be at least restrain’d and abridg’d.

This Scheme of mine had three Ends in view. First, to remove an Inconvenience the State labour’d under. Secondly, by producing a Specimen of my Sagacity and Judgment, I had Hopes to mend my Condition. And, thirdly, I thought by these Means to revenge certain Taunts and Affronts I had receiv’d from many of the Females of this Country. I frankly confess, that my own private Interest, and a Desire of Revenge, were the primum Mobile of this Project. But then I artfully conceal’d these Views, lest under a Pretence of publick Good, I should seem only to pursue my own, and so tread in the Steps of other Innovators, whose Schemes breathe nothing but the publick Good, when it is evident to the dullest Observer, that their private Interest is the Spring that moves the whole Machine.

And now, having drest my Project out to the best Advantage, and strengthen’d it by the most powerful Reasons I could invent, I waited upon the Prince, and humbly offer’d it to him. His Highness, who had always testify’d a great Regard to me, was thunderstruck at the Boldness and Folly of my Undertaking, which he foreboded must end in my irreparable Ruin. Wherefore he endeavour’d to dissuade me from this mad Attempt by the strongest Intreaties:

——Precibusque minas regaliter addit.

I, for my Part, relying as well upon the Utility of my Project, as upon the Favour of the Male Sex (who I was in Hopes would not desert the common Cause) remain’d immovable to all his Highness said, nor could his repeated Admonitions vanquish my Obstinacy. In fine, according to the Custom of the Country, I was brought to the Forum, and there, with my Neck in a Halter, I stood waiting the Judgment of the Senate. That venerable Body debated the Matter, and soon came to a Resolution; which Resolution was sent up to the Prince for his Confirmation; and being return’d by him, was read aloud by a publick Officer. It run thus:

“After due Examination, we are of Opinion as follows: That the Project of Scabba, the King’s Messenger, to exclude the Female Sex from publick Business, cannot take Effect without the highest Detriment to the Commonwealth, since no less than Half of the Nation, which consists of the said Sex, must look upon this Innovation as a very great Hardship, and their Resentment may occasion infinite Disorders. Moreover we are of Opinion, that it is absurd and unjust, intirely to exclude Trees of the finest Talents from publick Honours, especially as Nature, who does nothing in vain, can never be suppos’d to have given them all those noble Advantages to no Purpose. We are persuaded, that for the Welfare of the State, Regard ought to be had not to the Name, but the Abilities of a Person. And as a Country may often labour under a Want of able Persons, we think it a great Folly, by one Act of Senate, to render one intire Half of the Nation incapable and unworthy of Employment, solely upon Account of their Birth. For these and divers other good Reasons we are of Opinion, that the said Scabba, for this foolish and rash Attempt, ought to be punish’d according to the Custom of our Ancestors.”

The Prince was extremely concern’d for my Misfortune, but as he never rescinded the Decree of the Senate, he sign’d it with his own Hand, and affix’d the Royal Seal to it, and commanded it to be made publick, inserting however this mollifying Clause, That as I was a Foreigner, a Native of a new and unknown World, where forward Geniuses are in great Esteem, I should be exempted from capital Punishment. But lest by a total Remission of the Sentence the Laws should suffer an Infringement, it was therefore thought fit to detain me in Prison till the Beginning of the Month of Birches, and that then, with other Violators of the Law, I should be banish’d to the Firmament.

This Sentence being publish’d, I was clapt into Prison. Some of my Friends persuaded me to protest against this Sentence, since among my Judges there were so many Matrons and Virgins, all Judges in their own Cause. Some advis’d me, as the safer Way, to make a fair Acknowledgment of my Crime, and lay the Blame upon my own native human Weakness. But this last Advice I rejected with great Constancy, out of Respect to Mankind, upon whose Character such a Confession would leave an indelible Blemish.

I heard soon after, that his Highness had determin’d to give me an absolute Pardon, if I would but only prostrate myself at his Feet, confess my Fault, and implore his Favour, although Rahagna the Treasurer oppos’d that Motion with Might and Main. But, to speak the Truth, I was not displeas’d with the Sentence. For Death was not half so terrible to me as that Employment they pick’d out for me; and I was weary of conversing longer with these Trees, who had so high an Opinion of their Wisdom. I hop’d also to meet with better Treatment in the Firmament, where I had heard, that all Strangers, without Distinction, were kindly receiv’d.

CHAP. X.

The Author’s Banishment to the Firmament.

I   Have hitherto said nothing concerning the strange and very singular Punishment the Potuans have, of banishing to the Firmament: Wherefore I think myself oblig’d in this Place, to give some Account of it.

Twice every Year certain Birds of an enormous Magnitude appear upon this Globe. They are call’d Cupac, that is to say, Birds of Post, and at stated Seasons they come and go. It has long perplex’d the Subterranean Naturalists to account for this periodical Visit. Some think they descend upon this Planet in Quest of certain Insects, or large Flies, of which there are prodigious Numbers about this Time of the Year, and of which these Birds are exceedingly voracious. This Opinion is strengthen’d by this Circumstance, that when these Flies disappear, the Birds fly off towards the Firmament. An evident Proof of this we have in other Countries, where Birds by the same Instinct of Nature appear, and for the very same Causes. Others think that these Birds are train’d up and instructed to this very End and Purpose by the Inhabitants of the Firmament, like our Falcons and other Birds of Prey. This Hypothesis receives some Countenance from that Tenderness, Care, and Dexterity, which these Birds use in bringing home their Prey, and laying it gently down before their Masters. Other Circumstances also shew, that these Creatures are either thus instructed, or else that they have a certain Portion of Reason to direct them; for at the Approach of the Season of Departure, they are so tractable and tame, that they suffer certain Nets, or small Chains, to be thrown over them, under which they lie quiet for many Days, and are fed out of Hand by the Inhabitants with the aforesaid Flies, of which they take Care to provide a great Quantity for this very Purpose. For it is necessary to keep feeding them till all Things are prepar’d and got ready for those who are to be banish’d. The Apparatus for their Departure is as follows: On those Nets, in which they are intangled, a Box or Cage is fasten’d with Cords. Every Cage is capable of containing one Person. The Time now drawing near, and the Insects failing which supply’d them with Food, the Birds mount upon Wing, and cutting the Air, return to the Place from whence they came. Such was this wonderful Passage, by which I and several other Exiles were to be translated to a new World.

There were also at this Time two Citizens of Potu, who for different Crimes were sentenc’d to Banishment, and were now preparing for their Journey. One of these was a Metaphysician, who had incurr’d this Punishment by disputing concerning the Essence of God, and the Nature of spiritual Substances. He had satisfy’d the Law for his first Offence of this Kind, by undergoing the Punishment of the Arm; but being a second Time detected, he was condemn’d to be banish’d to the Firmament. The other was a Fanatick, who having conceiv’d some Doubts concerning Religion, and concerning the civil Rights of the State, attempted to subvert the Foundations of each. He refus’d to obey the publick Laws, under Pretence that such Obedience was contrary to the Dictates of his Conscience. His Friends endeavour’d, by the most powerful Arguments, to cure him of this Conceit, by shewing him how many Delusions these Impulses of Conscience and imaginary Inspirations were subject to; they told him, that Zeal and Conscience were often confounded with Melancholy and certain corrupt Humours of the Body; they demonstrated to him the egregious Folly of thus appealing to the Authority of Conscience, and how unjust it was to contend that the Impulses of his Mind should be a Rule to others, who might make use of the same Argument, and oppose Conscience to Conscience. At last they prov’d to him, that whoever firmly held this Principle, pretending Conscience for his Disobedience, ought to be excluded from the Rights and Benefits of the Community, since every good Subject should pay an implicit Obedience to the Laws; but that a Fanatick neither cou’d nor wou’d pay such an Obedience, since his Conscience was his sole Rule of Politicks. But as these Reasons had no Effect upon the Mind of our Fanatick, he continued obstinate and incorrigible, and so was condemn’d to the Firmament. Thus at this Time there were only three of us to undergo this Punishment, a Projector, a Metaphysician, and a Fanatick.

About the Beginning of the Month of Birches, we were all carry’d from Prison to separate Places. What became of the Metaphysician and the Fanatick I know not, as being too full of Cares for myself to mind any Thing else. Being brought to the destin’d Place of Departure, I was forthwith thrust into the Box or Cage, with as much Provision as would serve me for two or three Days. Soon after this, when the Birds found no more Flies brought them, as if they took the Hint, they left the Place, and flew off with incredible Celerity. The Distance of the Firmament from the Planet Nazar, is reputed by the Subterraneans to be about an hundred Miles. How long I was in passing from the one to the other I cannot say, but to me this ætherial Voyage seem’d to be no more than about four and twenty Hours. After a profound Silence, at last a confus’d Noise seem’d to reach my Ears, from whence I conjectur’d I was not far from Land. Then it was I perceiv’d that these Birds had been carefully exercis’d and instructed; for with great Art and Care they landed their Burden, so as not in the least to injure or hurt it. In a Moment I was surrounded with a prodigious Number of Monkies, the Sight of which put me into a very great Fright, remembring what I had suffer’d from these Animals upon the Planet Nazar. But my Fright redoubled, when I heard these Monkies articulately discourse with one another, and when I beheld them clad in diverse-colour’d Vestments. I then conjectur’d that they were the Inhabitants of this Country. But as after that Heap of Wonders I had been accustom’d to, nothing now could well seem new or strange, I began to recover my Courage, especially as I had observ’d that these Creatures approach’d me with an Air of Civility and Good-nature, taking me gently out of my Cage, and receiving me with the Humanity due to Strangers. Even Ambassadors in our World are hardly receiv’d with more Ceremony than I was. They all came one after another, and address’d me in these Words, Pul Asser. When they had repeated this Salutation pretty often, I repeated the same Words. Upon this they set up an immoderate Laugh, and by a Multitude of comic Gestures, signify’d they were highly delighted to hear me pronounce them. This made me conclude these People to be a light, babbling Race of Creatures, and vast Admirers of Novelty. When they spoke, you wou’d think so many Drums were beating, with so much Volubility, and so little out of Breath, they held on their Chattering. In a Word, as to Dress, Manners, Speech, and Form of Body, they were the very Reverse of the Potuans. At first they were all astonish’d at my Figure, and the chief Reason of that Astonishment was, that I wanted a Tail. For as among the whole Brute Creation none so much resemble the human Form as Monkies, so, had I had a Tail, they would have taken me for one of their own Species, especially as all those who had hitherto been transported from the Planet Nazar to this Place, were of a Form extremely unlike their own. About the Time of my Arrival here the Sea ran very high, by reason of the near Approach of the Planet Nazar: For as with us the Tides of the Ocean correspond with the Course of the Moon, so the Ocean of this Firmament increases and decreases according to the Vicinity or Remoteness of the aforesaid Planet.

Presently I was conducted to a very noble House, all beautifully set off with costly Stone, Marble, Mirrors, Vases, and Tapestry. At the Gate were Centinels posted, which gave me to understand that this could not be the Dwelling of a vulgar Monkey. And I was soon inform’d, that it was the House of the Consul or chief Magistrate. He was very desirous of conversing with me, and therefore hir’d some Masters to instruct me in their Language. Near three Months had been spent upon my Instruction, at the Expiration of which, as I could now speak the Tongue pretty fluently, I hop’d to gain the Applause and Admiration of all, upon Account of the Forwardness of my Genius, and the Strength of my Memory. But my Tutors thought me slower and duller than ordinary, insomuch that they lost all Patience, and threaten’d to leave me off. And as at Potu I was call’d in Derision Scabba, or Quick-Parts, so here, by reason of my Stupidity and Dulness, they gave me the Name of Kadicoran, which signifies a Clown, or Dunce. For those alone are here esteem’d, who are quick and nimble, and cover their Sense in a confus’d and rapid Volley of Words. While I was learning the Monkey-Language, my Host took me round the City, which I beheld dissolv’d in every Kind of Luxury. What with the Multitude of Coaches, Chaises, Valets, and a Croud of People hurrying every Way, we were obliged to use a Sort of Force to get on. Yet this was nothing, if compar’d to that Luxury which reign’d in the Metropolis, where, as in its Center, you might see all that mortal Vanity could invent. Being now taught the Language, I was brought to this famous Capital by my Host, who hop’d to purchase the Favour of a Senator, by making him a Present of so uncommon a Curiosity as I was. For the Form of Government here is aristocratical, so that the Sovereign Authority resides in the Grand Senate, the Members of which are all noble from first to last. None of plebeian Family can ever hope to be more than a Centurion or Prætor in the Provinces or lesser Cities. Sometimes, indeed, one of this Class may arrive at the Consulate, yet never without some very extraordinary Merit. Thus it was my Host obtain’d the Consulship; for so fertile was his Genius, that in the Space of one Month, he projected twenty-eight new Laws. And though not half of them were calculated for the Good of the Publick, yet they were Specimens of a fruitful Invention, and procur’d him a great Character. For throughout the whole subterranean World, there is no Place where Projectors are in more Esteem than in this. The capital City is call’d Martinia; it gives Name to the whole Country, and is famous for its fine Situation, for the Grandeur of its Buildings, its Commerce, and naval Force. For Extent of Ground, and Number of Inhabitants, I believe it may rival Paris. So crouded was every Street, that we were forc’d to beat our Way through to go to that Part of the City where the Syndick of the Senate liv’d. For he it was to whom the Consul was to present me.

When we drew near to the Syndick’s House, my Friend the Consul went into an Inn, to put himself in Order, and to compose his Person and Habit in a Manner fit to appear before the Syndick. Immediately there appear’d a little Army of occasional Valets or Footmen, commonly call’d Maskatti, whose Assistance every one makes use of before they enter the Palaces of the Senators. These brush your Cloaths, take out the Spots, and with the exactest Care adjust whatever is discompos’d, even to the smallest Plait. One of these Maskatti took the Consul’s Sword, and wip’d it clean and bright, and then return’d it him. Another dress’d his Tail with Ribbands of various Colours: For these Monkies have nothing more at Heart than the Ornaments of their Tails. There were some Senators, and especially some of the Wives of the Senators, whose Tails on high Occasions could scarcely be dress’d out to the best Advantage under two or three hundred Pounds Sterling. A third approach’d the Consul with a geometrical Instrument, to take the Dimensions of his Cloaths, and to see if all hung in due Proportion. A fourth brought a Bottle of Paint, and with it improv’d his Visage. A fifth examin’d his Feet, from which he par’d the Superfluities. A sixth brought him perfum’d Water to wash with. In short, one brought a Towel, another a Comb, another a Looking-Glass, and all with an Exactness not inferior to that of a Geometrician measuring and adorning his Map. Oh! thought I to myself, how much Time and Expence must the Dress of the Ladies here require, when there is so much Fuss in tricking out one of our Sex? And, indeed, the Martinian Ladies exceed all Bounds, and cover their Defects with such a Load of Paint, as makes their Persons offensive. For when the Sweat and Paint are pretty well united, it exhales an Odour like that of your great Kitchens; what you smell you know not, but this you know, that it is something very disagreeable.

My Host thus painted, powder’d, comb’d and polish’d, went to the Syndick’s Palace, attended only with three Valets. When he came to the Court-Yard he pull’d off his Shoes, lest he should afterwards disoblige the Marble Floor with Dirt or Dust. He was forc’d to stay a full Hour before the Syndick was inform’d that he was there, nor was he introduc’d without a proper Gratification to some of the Guards and Servants. The Syndick, seated on a gilt Settee, as soon as he espy’d me entring with my Host, burst out into an ungovernable Laughter, and afterward ask’d me a thousand trifling, foolish Questions. To every Reply I made him, he redoubled his Fits of Laughter.

Ingeminat tremulos naso crispante cachinnos.

For my Part, I was of Opinion, that to play the Buffoon was reckon’d among the Virtues here, since the Government had made this Person Syndick, which is the second Dignity in the Senate; and I observ’d as much to my Friend. But he assur’d me, he was a Monkey of great Abilities, as appear’d from the Multitude of Business of various Sorts, which even in his greener Years he went through. For such was his Readiness of Perception, that even over a Glass he would transact Affairs of the utmost Weight; nay even at Dinner, or at Supper, between the Courses, he would often draw up a new Law. I enquir’d if such Laws, conceiv’d in so short a Space of Time, were of any considerable Duration. To this he only reply’d, that like other Laws they continued in Force, till it pleas’d the Senate to abrogate or repeal them.

The Syndick, having convers’d with me about half an Hour, and with full as great a Degree of Loquacity as our European Barbers, turn’d himself about to my Friend, and told him, he would take me into the Number of his Servants, though upon Account of my slow Intellects he much doubted whether I could be good for any Thing. I have myself, reply’d my Friend the Consul, observ’d a natural Torpor or Dulness in him, but give him Time for Reflexion, and you will find he has no contemptible Judgment. That signifies little here, return’d the Syndick, since our Multiplicity of Business admits of no Delay. With these Words he fell to examining my Limbs and my Body, and after having survey’d them a short Time, he commanded me to lift up a certain Weight from the Ground, which I did without much Trouble. Upon this he told me, that though Nature had been unkind to me with respect to my Intellects, yet that she had in a Manner compensated that Defect by an extraordinary Strength of Body. I was then order’d to withdraw to another Apartment, where the Domesticks and Attendants receiv’d me with a good deal of Pleasure, though their excessive Impertinence and Gestures were troublesome enough. So many Questions they ask’d me concerning our World, I knew not how to answer them, and so gave them what came uppermost, some Truth, some Falshood, just to allay their impatient Curiosity.

At length my Friend returning, told me his Excellence did me the Honour to retain me in his Court. From the foregoing Conversation of the Syndick I could guess, that the Employment design’d for me was no very important one, probably his Valet, or his Butler; and upon enquiring what it was, my Friend said to me, His Excellence has been graciously pleas’d to appoint you one of his Body Chairmen, with an annual Salary of twenty-five Stercolates. (A Martinian Stercolate is equal to about seven Shillings and Six-pence Sterling.) He has moreover engag’d, that you shall have the Honour of carrying only himself, or his Lady. I was thunderstruck with this Answer, and remonstrated in the most pathetic Manner how unworthy an Office this was for one of my ingenuous Education and Family. But some Courtiers rushing in in Heaps, interrupted me from speaking more, and half kill’d me with their Impertinence. For all the Martinians are light, frothy, talking Creatures, that have a smooth, fluent Jargon of Words, without the least Mixture of Seriousness or Gravity. At length I was conducted to an Apartment, where Supper was ready; and having taken a moderate Repast, I retir’d to my Repose.

I threw myself upon my Bed, but such was the Disorder of my Mind, I could take no Sleep. The Disdain I was receiv’d with shock’d me to the highest Degree, and nothing less than a Spartan Patience could digest so gross an Indignity. I heartily deplor’d my Fate, which seem’d severer now than what I had experienc’d in the Planet Nazar, and I could not help saying to myself, “What would here become of the Kadoki, or High Chancellor of Potu, a Person of inestimable Worth in his own Country, but who requir’d at least an intire Month to form a new Law? What would be the Fate of Palmka in this Place, where the Senators make Laws between the Courses at Meals?” After a serious Consideration, I found myself translated from a Land of Sages to a Country of Fools. At last being tir’d with thinking, Sleep overpower’d me. I know not how long I slept, since there is here no Difference between Night and Day. For it is never dark except at one stated Time, when the subterranean Sun is in an Eclipse by the Interposition of the Planet Nazar. This Eclipse is very remarkable, because the aforesaid Planet, being not far from the Firmament, overshadows the whole Sun, and so always makes the Eclipse total. But as this happens but seldom, it makes no Alteration of Season, which is here invariably the same upon Account of the constant Presence of the Sun. Hence the Inhabitants are forc’d to have Recourse to various Inventions, as Groves, Baths, Walks, and Grotto’s, to qualify the Heat.

I was scarce awake, when a Monkey enter’d my Chamber, who told me he was my Comrade in Office, and with a slight Cord (being order’d so to do) he apply’d a fictitious Tail to my Posteriors, to make me look more like a Monkey. He then bid me get ready, because the Syndick within an Hour was to be carry’d to the Academy, to which Place he and his Brother Senators had receiv’d a formal Invitation. It seems there was to be a Promotion to a Doctor’s Degree at Ten o’Clock that Morning. It must be noted here, that though the Days are not distinguish’d from the Nights, by reason of the perpetual Presence of the Sun, yet are they distinguish’d into Hours, half Hours, and Quarters, and that by Means of Clocks or Hour-Glasses, so that Day and Night together take up about twenty-two Hours. Hence, if all the Clocks in the City were to stop at once, it would be impossible for the Citizens to recover the true Time, till they had consulted some of the Clocks in the next Neighbourhood. For there neither are, nor can be, any Sun-Dials, because there is never any Shadow, the Sun continually darting perpendicular Rays upon the Place. So that were you to dig a Well here, it would be illuminated to the Bottom. As to the Year, that is regulated and governed by the Course of the Planet Nazar round the Sun.

At Ten o’Clock we took up his Excellence, and carry’d him to the Academy. Entring into the Auditory, we beheld the Doctors and Masters seated in Order, every one of which rose up as the Syndick pass’d by, and turning themselves about paid him their Compliments with their Tail. This is their Manner of doing Reverence. And this accounts for their Care in adorning their Tails. For my own Part, I confess these inverted Salutations seem’d extremely foolish and absurd. For to turn one’s Back upon any one, is among us a Mark of Indifference or Contempt: But every Nation has its particular Taste. The aforesaid Doctors and Masters were seated on each Side of the Auditory. In the lower Part of it was plac’d a Chair, in which sat the Candidate. Before the Act of Promotion, the following Question was discuss’d in a solemn Disputation, namely, Whether the Sound, which Flies and other Insects make, comes through the Mouth, or the Posteriors? The President undertook the Defence of the former Opinion, which was attack’d by the Opponents with so much Ardour, that I was afraid it would have terminated in a bloody Battle. And most certainly they had come to Blows, but that the Senate rose up, and cool’d the Flame by their Authority. During the Dispute, a certain Monkey play’d upon a Pipe: This was the Moderator, who by the Management of his Musick, either in soft, or in smart Strains, would quicken the Dispute when it flagg’d and languish’d, or bring it down when it was noisy and violent. Tho’ very often all his Art had no Effect: So very hard a Matter it is to preserve the Temper, when the Dispute is upon such interesting Subjects. The same Thing often happens in our World, where, when the Dispute turns upon some very dubious and almost inexplicable Point, one may observe the Combatants are often work’d up to the most violent Agitations of Mind or Body. However, this threatning Quarrel which promis’d nothing but Blood and Slaughter, ended all in Compliments and Praises. Something like this obtains in our European Universities, where, according to general Custom, the President, when the Dispute is clos’d, descends victorious and triumphant from the Chair.

This Preamble ended, they proceeded to the Act of Creation with these Ceremonies. The Candidate was plac’d in the Middle of the Auditory: Three of the University-Beadles walk’d gravely up to him, and threw a whole Pail-full of cold Water upon his Head; they then perfum’d him with Incense, and lastly gave him a Vomit to take off. Having perform’d this with the utmost Solemnity, they retir’d bowing, and declar’d him aloud a true and legitimate Doctor. Amaz’d at so many wonderful Ceremonies, I ask’d a certain learned Monkey who stood near me, the Meaning of all this. He told me, (pitying at the same Time my Ignorance) that by the Water, the Incense, and the Vomit, it was understood that the Candidate was to forsake his old Vices, and to assume a new Set of Manners, to distinguish him from the Vulgar. Hearing this, I deplor’d my own Stupidity, and full of Admiration, forbore to ask any farther Questions, for fear I should be thought to have never convers’d with any Thing above Brutes.

At last all the musical Instruments struck up at once, and the new Doctor, cloath’d in a Robe of Green, and girt with a Sash of the same Colour, was escorted home from the Auditory with all Parnassus at his Heels. But as he was of a plebeian Family, he had not the Honour of a Coach, but was seated in a Vehicle not unlike a Wheelbarrow, and drawn by Hand, the University-Beadles marching before in their respective Habits. The Whole ended in a very handsome Entertainment, where the Guests drank so plentifully, that many of them were carried home extremely intoxicated, and were so ill for many Days after, that without the Help of proper Medicines they would hardly have recover’d. So that from the Beginning to the Ending of this whole Ceremony, nothing was wanting to the due Solemnity of it; and I protest, I never, even in our World, saw a more truly academical Promotion, or any Candidate commence Doctor more legitimately than this.

In the Courts of Justice, Causes are dispatch’d with a surprizing Dexterity, and I was charm’d with that Readiness of Apprehension, that Velocity of conceiving Things, so peculiar to this Nation. Very often, before the Advocates have wound up their Pleadings, the Judges rise and give Sentence with equal Expedition and Elegance. I often frequented these Courts, to inform myself thoroughly of their Manner of Proceeding. At first hearing, their Decrees seem’d just and equitable enough; but upon a more careful Examination, they were in Reality absurd, unjust, and full of Contradictions, insomuch that I would sooner commit my Cause to the Chance of a Die, than to the Judgment of the Martinian Lawyers. I forbear to say any Thing concerning the Laws of this People, by reason of the capricious Changes they perpetually undergo. They are as fickle in these as in their Fashions. Many are here punish’d for Crimes, which were not Crimes at the Time they were committed, but commence such by Virtue of an After-Law to make them so. For which Reason nothing is more common than Appeals from the inferior to the superior Courts, the Plaintiff having Hopes, that, while the Suit is depending, the old Law (which lost him his Cause in the lower Court) may be repeal’d. This is owing to the Suddenness with which their Laws are invented and promulged. Such Lovers of Novelty are this People, that they perfectly nauseate the most useful Statutes, solely upon Account of their Antiquity. The Advocates are in great Reputation for their Shrewdness in Disputation. Nay, there are some among them, who disdain to undertake a Cause that is not unjust, or at least very doubtful; for in so doing they might be depriv’d of an Occasion of exerting their Parts, and giving Specimens of their Ability to turn Black into White. The Judges will often favour a bad Cause, in Compliment to the Council for defending it so well. “We perceive well enough, say the Judges, the Injustice of this Cause, but then it has been manag’d with such inimitable Art, that in Justice to the Advocate for his Performance, we ought to strain a Point of Law.” The Students in this Profession are taught Law at different Prices; for Instance, Those who teach their Pupils to manage a bad Cause, or, according to the Proverb, to make the best of a bad Market, require twenty Stercolates for their Trouble; the Art of managing a good one shall cost but ten. Their Forms of Law are so many, they resemble a huge Chaos, without Bottom and without Shore. For the Martinians, having a sublime Genius and a quick Perception, detest every Thing that’s plain and simple, and think nothing worth their Care that is not very knotty and intricate.

The same Taste prevails in Religion, which does not consist in Practice, but in idle Speculations. Thus there are two hundred and thirty different Opinions about the Form or Figure of the Supream Being, and three hundred and ninety-six about the Nature and Quality of Souls. The Martinians never resort to their Temples or Churches with the View of hearing any Thing useful, or of improving themselves in the Art of living and dying well, but only to observe with what Art and Dexterity the holy Orators acquit themselves; for the more obscure their Language is, the more they are admir’d, their Audience having very little Relish for what they understand. More Pains are taken about the Expression, than about the Matter, the Preachers affecting the smooth, round Period more than the Strength of Reason, and the Audience expecting to be amus’d with a sounding Pomp of Words without a Meaning. For this Reason I did not dare say any Thing concerning the Christian Religion, which consisting of naked, simple Truths, could never recommend itself to their Goût.

Projectors are no where in so high Reputation as here. The more odd and impracticable the Scheme, the greater is the Inventor’s Glory. When I had accidentally been explaining to a certain Monkey the Nature of our terraqueous Globe, and had inform’d him that the Surface of it was inhabited, he presently conceiv’d a Project of digging through the Earth, and opening a Passage to the Superterraneans. This Device met with universal Applause, and a Society was thereupon instituted, and call’d THE SUPERTERRANEAN COMPANY, to which the Inhabitants flock’d in Shoals, and, according to the Language of those Times, bought in Stocks. However, as this Affair introduced a great deal of Confusion into the Kingdom, and ruin’d a Multitude of Families beyond Redemption, they found the Folly of the Scheme, and dropt it all at once. And though the Nation smarted so severely by it, yet the Projector not only escap’d with Impunity, but with almost general Praise, this People entertaining the highest Idea of his great Abilities.

Perceiving this Turn of Mind to prevail, I endeavour’d by the same Means to procure myself a Reputation among the Martinians, and to mend my Fortune by some new Project of my own. After a due Examination of the State of the Publick, I discover’d several Flaws in it. I saw the whole Country was full of the more subtle Sort of Artists, but that it labour’d under a Want of useful Traders and Workmen. Upon this I propos’d a Law for the Institution of certain Manufacturers, that might be of great Service to the Nation. But every Proposal of this Kind met with nothing but Sneers and Contempt from this vain People. I then accus’d my own Stupidity in these Terms, What a Sot have I been? and how richly do I deserve to end my Days in the ignoble Office of Chairman? Yet I did not altogether despond, and being convinc’d I should never do them, nor myself, any Good by salutary Counsels, I resolv’d to try whether I could not get over the Difficulty by some ridiculous Invention or other. I open’d my Design to one of the gravest Monkeys I knew, who encourag’d me to it mightily. And when he prov’d to me, that Numbers there had made their Fortunes by mere Trifles and boyish Gewgaws, and more especially by the Invention of some new Fashion, I then resolv’d to swim with the Tide, and among Fools to play the Fool myself. Upon this I call’d to Mind all the most ridiculous and extravagant Inventions of Europe, and being at Liberty to pick and chuse, I fix’d upon those Ornaments of the Head, which we call Perriwigs, and determin’d with myself to introduce this Fashion. What contributed to bear me out in this Attempt, was the great Number of Goats in this Kingdom, whose Wool or Hair would be very proper for my Purpose. And as my good Tutor (now at Rest) long exercis’d the Occupation of a Perriwig-Maker, I was not altogether ignorant of the Art. In short, I procur’d some Goat’s Hair, and made a Perriwig fitted to my own Head, and thus adorn’d, I appear’d before the Syndick. Startled at so new and unusual an Appearance, he ask’d me what it was, and immediately snatching it from my Head, he put it upon his own, and run to the Glass to survey himself. But how shall I express his Wonder and Delight? He burst into an Ecstasy of Pleasure, crying, O ye Gods! and forthwith sent for his Lady to join with him in his Joy. Her Wonder was equal to his, and embracing the Syndick, she vow’d she never saw any Thing so charming, and every Soul in the Family was of the same Opinion. The Syndick then turning towards me, My dear Kakidoran, says he, if this Invention of yours should take with the Senate as it does with me, you may promise yourself every Thing. I thank’d his Excellence, and soon after put a Petition into his Hands, address’d to the Senate, which I begg’d the Favour of him to offer. It was conceiv’d in these Terms.

Most Excellent, most Generous, most Illustrious, most Noble, and most Wise Senators.

“THE natural Propensity, by which I am influenc’d to promote the publick Good, has now mov’d me to contrive this new and hitherto unheard-of Ornament for the Head, which here I most humbly offer to your Excellencies, and submit it to the Examination of this august Tribunal, not doubting but it will meet with a most gracious Reception, especially as the Invention must conduce to the Glory, as well as Ornament of the Nation, and make the admiring World confess, that the Martinians excel the rest of Mortals, not only in the Virtues and Endowments of the Mind, but in those Ornaments of the Body which render the Person grand and majestick. I solemnly vow to all your Excellencies, that in this I never consulted my own Interest, and therefore I require no Reward: It is enough for me in my slender Capacity to have promoted the publick Welfare, and the Kingdom’s Honour. But if the most illustrious Senate are pleas’d to decree me a suitable Reward for my Labours, I shall receive it with a grateful Heart, that such their Munificence may be known throughout the World, and others animated to the like, or greater Inventions. In this View I cannot oppose the Liberality of the Senate and People of Martinia. As to the rest, I commend myself to the Favour of your Excellencies, and am,

May it please your Excellencies,
Your most obedient,
And most humble Servant,
Kakidoran.”

Martinia,
7th Day of Astral.

The Syndick produc’d the Petition with the Perriwig in open Senate. I heard that all Business was laid aside that Day, so much did the Examination of the Perriwig engage the general Attention. Upon the Close of all, they prais’d the Work, extoll’d the Artist, accepted of his Good-will, and appointed him a Reward. In the whole Senate there were but three who oppos’d this Motion; but they got no Credit by it, and were look’d upon as rude, unpolish’d Creatures, totally unworthy of the senatorial Function.

This Decree being pass’d, I was commanded to appear before the Senate, where a senior Monkey rising up, thank’d me in the Name of the whole Commonwealth, and assur’d me they would reward me in a Manner suitable to my great Merit. He likewise ask’d me, how much Time it would require to make such another Ornament? I reply’d, that as to the Reward, it was sufficient Recompence to receive the Applauses of so venerable a Body: As to the other Point, the making a second Perriwig, provided I might have the Assistance of as many Monkeys as I could instruct in the Art, I could undertake in one Month to furnish almost the whole City. At these Words, the Syndick rose and said, Heav’n forbid, Kakidoran, that such an Ornament should be common to all the City, and grow into Disesteem by frequent Use! No; let the Nobility be by this distinguish’d from the Vulgar. This Opinion was seconded by all the Senate, and the publick Censors were order’d to take due Care that this Decree should be inviolably observ’d, that the Nobility receive no Dishonour by the promiscuous Use of Perriwigs, and that so bright an Ornament should be reserv’d solely for their Use. But this Edict had the same Effect that all sumptuary Laws have, and only excited a stronger Desire in the Commons to transgress them. And as this Invention had the Happiness to please every one, the richer Citizens, by Friends or Money, procur’d Titles of Honour to qualify them to wear Perriwigs, insomuch that in a short Time a very great Part of the City was enobled. At length, when Petitions arriv’d from the several Provinces, to be allow’d to come into this Fashion, the Senate took the Matter under Consideration, and made a Repeal of the Law, with a Permission for the promiscuous Use of Perriwigs; so that I had the Pleasure to see the whole Nation perriwig’d, if I may use the Expression, before I left Martinia. And a most delightful Sight it was! Such general Satisfaction did this Contrivance give, that it gave Birth to a new Epoch, or Date of Time, which was call’d in the Martinian Annals, THE YEAR OF PERRIWIGS.

To return to myself. Surrounded with Applauses, and cloath’d in a Purple Robe, I was carried back in a Chair to the Syndick’s House, and my Comrade Chairman now perform’d the Office of a Horse for me. From that Hour I was admitted to the Syndick’s Table. After this lucky Prelude of my Fortune, I pursued my Design, and by the joint Labours of those I instructed, I in a short Time finish’d off Perriwigs enough to accommodate the whole Senate; and about the End of the Month the following Diploma of Nobility was brought me.

“Whereas a certain Person, by Name Kakidoran, Native of a City call’d Europe, has by a glorious and useful Invention highly oblig’d the whole Martinian Nation: It is our Will and Pleasure to associate him into the Body of our Nobility; and we do accordingly decree, That he and his Heirs henceforth be reputed as true and genuine Nobles, and enjoy all such Privileges, Rights and Immunities, as are claim’d by the Martinian Nobility. Moreover we have decreed to honour him with a new Name, so that instead of Kakidoran, he shall now be styl’d Kikidorian. And lastly, it is our Will and Pleasure to settle an annual Stipend upon him of two hundred Patari, to enable him to support his new Dignity.”

Given at our Court of Senate in Martinia, the 4th Day of Merian, under our Great Seal, &c.

Thus from a poor Chairman was I transform’d to a Nobleman; and for some Time I liv’d in the highest Repute, and with the utmost Felicity. And as the Martinians saw I was in high Favour with the Syndick, every Creature made his Court to me. The Flattery of the Preferment-Hunters went so far as to strive which should write the most fulsome Panegyricks upon me, in which they kindly gave me a great many Virtues I never had. Some, though they knew I was a Native of an unknown World, yet reckon’d up for me a long List of Ancestors, and drew out Genealogies in a direct Line from Heroes of the earliest Ages. These Computations could not be very agreeable to me, nor was it possible for me to think it an Honour to be descended from Monkeys. Moreover, as it is usual with the Martinians to celebrate the Tails of the Quality, as our Poets sing the Beauties of their Mistresses, accordingly some of the Martinian Poets celebrated my Tail in Verse, though I never had any. In short, to such a Height did their Flattery rise, that a certain Person of no mean Extraction, and whose Name I spare upon Account of his Family, actually offer’d me the Enjoyment of his Wife, if in Return I would use all my Interest for him with the Syndick. This vile Propensity to Flattery, to which all the Martinians are extremely subject, makes it not worth one’s while to read their Histories, which are little more than a Heap of extravagant Encomiums, though the Language of them is every where polite and elegant. Hence this Country produces better Poets than Historians, which is owing to the fine Imagination of the Martinians.

I enjoy’d a tolerable good Share of Health while I was in this Country, tho’ the Heat, occasion’d by the continual Presence of the Sun, was not a little troublesome. Once I was seiz’d with a Diarrhea, attended with a high Fever; but it was of no great Continuance: But during my Illness, the Physician I made use of was ten Times more troublesome than my Disorder, by reason of his Impertinence and Loquacity, which are so peculiar to this People. Having Occasion for a Physician in that ill State of Health, a Doctor of Physick came a Voluntier, and offer’d me his Assistance: I could not forbear laughing at the Sight of him, because who should this be but my very Barber? I question’d him, how it happen’d that from a Barber he was so soon metamorphos’d into a Doctor? He reply’d, he exercis’d both Professions. Upon this I was a little dubious, whether I ought to trust the Care of my Health to such a general Trader, and frankly told him, that I had rather have a Physician who profess’d the Art of Physick alone; but he vow’d and protested to me, that there was not one such throughout the whole City. I was therefore oblig’d to venture myself with him. The Haste the Doctor was in increas’d my Wonder; for having prescrib’d for me a Potion, he abruptly took his Leave, declaring he could not possibly stay longer, because he was oblig’d to attend upon some other Affairs, in which he was engag’d, at that very Time. And when I ask’d him what those Affairs could be which requir’d such violent Haste, he told me, he was under a Necessity of being at a Market-Town in the Neighbourhood by such an Hour, to act as a Notary-Publick, which was another of his Employments. This Multiplicity of Business is in great Vogue here, and every body is very ready to undertake any the most opposite and contradictory Offices. This Confidence is occasion’d by that wonderful Liveliness of Genius, which dispatches Business in a Trice. Yet from the various Mistakes and Blunders they daily commit, I concluded that these Geniuses, which are so full of Fire, are rather an Ornament to the Commonwealth, than of any real Use to it.

After I had spent two Years in this Territory, partly as a Chairman, and partly as a Nobleman, I fell into an Adventure which had like to have been fatal to me. In his Excellency’s Palace, I had met with the highest Civilities; I had also the Honour to be extremely in the good Graces of his Lady, insomuch that I seem’d to have the first Place in her Friendship. She often favour’d me with tete a tete Conversations; and tho’ she seem’d highly pleas’d with my Company, yet all she said was with so much Modesty and Delicacy, that it was impossible to put a sinister Interpretation upon her Conduct in this Respect, nor could I with all my Penetration guess, that the Source of all this wondrous Goodness was an impure Passion, more especially as she was a Lady of Quality, and as eminent for her Virtue, as for her Birth and Family. But, in Process of Time, from some equivocal Speeches of hers, I could not but entertain a few Suspicions, which were considerably increas’d by several evident Symptoms,

The wan Complexion, and the dying Eye,

The stedfast Gaze, th’ involuntary Sigh.

At length the Mystery was clear’d up, a young Virgin, her Confidante, bringing me the following Billet.

Lovely Kikidorian,

“MY Birth, and the natural Modesty of my Sex, have now conceal’d those Sparks of Love, which lurk’d within my Bosom, and with-held them from bursting into an open Flame. But now, sinking under the Oppression, I can no longer resist the Violence of my Wishes.”

Let this soft Secret all thy Pity move,

Extorted from my Soul by raging Love.

I am Yours,
Ptarnusa.

Words cannot utter the Confusion this passionate Declaration threw me into. But as I thought it better to be expos’d to the Vengeance of disappointed Love, than to disturb the Laws of Nature by mixing my Blood with a Creature not of the human Species, I return’d the following Answer.

Madam,

THE repeated Favours I have receiv’d from his Excellency the Syndick, the Benefits he has heap’d upon an undeserving Stranger, the moral Impossibility of complying with your Request, together with innumerable other Reasons which I forbear to recount; all this, Madam, determines me to hazard your Ladyship’s Resentment, rather than consent to an Action which would render me of all two-footed Creatures the most vile and abominable. Not Death itself is half so terrible. The Crime too would bring an indelible Stain upon a most illustrious Family, and she who commands it must be the greatest Sufferer. Let me conjure you, therefore, to pardon this Refusal, and be satisfy’d, that in every other Respect I shall always pay the profoundest Obedience to your Ladyship’s Commands. I am,

Madam,
Your most humble,
And most obedient Servant,
Kikidorian.

This Answer I seal’d up, and gave it to the Bearer to deliver to her Mistress. It had the Effect I suspected. Her Love was chang’d into the strongest Aversion. However, she deferr’d her Revenge till she had recover’d that Letter she sent to me. She then suborn’d false Witnesses, who swore that I attempted to violate the Syndick’s Bed. This Story was cook’d up with so much Art, and such an Air of Probability, that the Syndick, not making the least Doubt about it, threw me into Prison. In this Extremity, there was but one Thing to be done, and that was, to make Confession of the Crime, and implore his Excellency’s Mercy. By these Means, I hop’d to divert or soften his Anger, and procure a Mitigation of my Punishment. For it was ridiculous to think of contesting the Matter with a powerful Family, especially in a Country, where not the Merits of the Cause, but the sole Quality of the Person is regarded. Therefore omitting all Sort of Defence, I had Recourse to the most abject Supplications and Tears, imploring not a total Remission of my Punishment, but only to have it moderated.

Thus by the Confession of a Crime I never dreamt of, I chang’d the Punishment of Death for a perpetual Captivity. My Diploma of Nobility was taken from me, and torn in Pieces by the Hands of the common Hangman, and I myself was condemn’d to be a Galley-Slave all my Days. The Galley, or Vessel, I was sent to work in, belong’d to the Government, and lay in Readiness for its Voyage to the Mezendores, or Land of Wonders. This Voyage is undertaken at a stated Time of the Year, namely, in the Month Radir. They sail to these Parts in Quest of such Commodities as are not to be had in their own Country, so that the Mezendores are a Kind of Indies to the Martinians. A Body of Merchants, as well Nobles as Citizens, are erected into a Society called the Mezendorian Company, among whom the Merchandise of the returning Vessel is divided, according to their several Subscriptions and Shares. The Vessel moves both by Sails and Oars, and to every Oar two Slaves or Captives are assign’d: And to this Drudgery was I condemn’d during this Voyage. With what Reluctance I enter’d upon it, it is easy to guess, especially as I had done nothing to deserve being thus expos’d to servile Labour, and to the Lash, among Wretches and Slaves. Various were the Sentiments of the Martinians concerning my Misfortune. Some were of Opinion I was culpable, and therefore deserv’d the Punishment; but then the Sight of me in that miserable Condition drew Compassion from them. Others thought some Regard ought to have been had to my former Services, and that therefore my Punishment need not have been so severe. But some of the honester Monkeys mutter’d among themselves that I was accus’d falsely, though no one dar’d openly undertake my Defence, through Fear of my powerful Accusers. I determin’d, however, to bear my Calamity with Patience. My greatest Comfort was the approaching Voyage; for as I had always a strong Passion for Novelty, I was in Hopes of meeting with something new and wonderful, though I could not give Credit to all the Sailors told me, nor bring myself to think that there were such Prodigies in Nature, as I afterwards met with. There were several Interpreters in our Vessel, whose Assistance the Mezendorian Company made use of in these Expeditions; for all Contracts, as to Buying and Selling, were made by them.

CHAP. XI.

The Author’s Voyage to the Land of WONDERS.

BEFORE I proceed to the Description of this Voyage, I must caution the rigid and censorious Critick not to be too much out of Humour at the Relation of some Things which perhaps may appear not to deserve any Credit, as being contrary to the usual Course of Nature. I shall here recount Things very incredible, but very true, and of which I myself was an Eye-Witness. The Vulgar and Illiterate, who never have set a Foot beyond the Limits of their own native Country, are apt to look upon all such Things as fabulous to which they have not been accustom’d from their Infancy. But the Learned, and especially such of them as are conversant in physical Enquiries, who know how fertile Nature is in her Productions, will look with a more favourable Eye upon the wonderful Parts of this Narration.

Quis tumidum guttur miratur in Alpibus? aut quis

In Meröe crasso majorem infante mamillam, &c.

It is now well known, that there were a People formerly in Scythia, called Arimaspians, who had only a single Eye apiece in the Middle of their Foreheads; and others in the same Parts of the World, whose Feet were set on the contrary Way to ours. We read of People in Albania, who were grey-headed from their Childhood. The Sauromatians us’d to make a Meal but once in three Days, and to fast the intermediate ones. Mention is made of certain Families in Africa, who had the Art of fascinating or bewitching People with the Sound of their Voices. The Inhabitants of Illyrium were remarkable for having two Pupils in each Eye, and us’d, when they were provok’d, to stare their Enemies to Death. In the Mountains of India, there are some Men with Dogs Heads, and who have been heard to bark like those Animals; others, with Eyes in their Shoulders. And in the farthest Parts of the same Country, there have been found Animals resembling Men, with hairy Bodies, and Wings like Birds, who never eat, but live upon the Scent of Flowers, which they draw through their Nostrils. Now I may ask, Who would have given Credit to these, and the like Things, if Pliny, a very grave Historian, had not solemnly affirm’d, not that he had heard or read of such Things, but that he himself had seen them? In like Manner, who would ever have thought that the Earth was hollow, and that another Sun, and other Planets, were contain’d within its Bowels, had not my own Experience clear’d up that Mystery? Or how could an Account of a World, inhabited by Trees endued with Reason, and a Power of local Motion, have ever gain’d Belief, had not my Discoveries prov’d the Existence of it beyond a Possibility of Doubt. I am not inclin’d, however, to quarrel with any Man for his Incredulity, since I must confess, that before I undertook this Voyage, I was a little in doubt myself, whether the Relations of Travellers in general were any Thing better than pompous Fables, and insignificant Amusements.

It was in the Beginning of the Month Radir that we set Sail. We had a fair Wind for some Days, and our Vessel sailing right before it, we had no Occasion to handle our Oars, and were therefore at Liberty to divert ourselves. But on the fourth Day the Wind sunk, and we were forc’d to take to our Oars. The Captain perceiving I was unaccustom’d to such hard Labour, and unfit to bear it, would often give me Leave to rest a while, and at length he entirely freed me from this servile Office. Whether he thought me innocent, and therefore shew’d me so much Kindness, or whether he judg’d me worthy of better Treatment on Account of the curious Invention of Perriwigs, which I had the Honour of, as I have before related, I cannot take upon me to determine. I must however observe, that he carry’d three Wigs along with him this Voyage, the Combing and Buckling of which was committed to my Charge. So that I was on a sudden advanc’d from being a Galley-Slave, to the Dignity of the Captain’s Wig-Dresser. This Civility of the Captain’s to me was the Reason that as often as we arriv’d at any Port, I was always one of the Number who were appointed to go on Shore. This was extremely agreeable to me, as it gave me an Opportunity of fully satisfying my Curiosity.

We kept on our Course for some Time without meeting with any Thing remarkable; but after we had lost Sight of Land we fell among the Syrens, who as often as the Wind abated, and the Sea grew calm, would swim to the Ship, and beg our Charity. The Language they spoke resembled the Martinese, so that some of our Ship’s Crew were able to talk with them without the Help of an Interpreter. One of the Number, after I had given her a Piece of Meat, fixing her Eyes stedfastly upon me, cry’d out,

Hero! proceed, and rule a conquer’d World!

I only smil’d at the Prophecy, as thinking it an empty Piece of Flattery, though our Sailors assur’d me very seriously, that these Syrens were seldom or never out in their Predictions. We had been under Sail about eight Days when we discovered Land, which the Mariners call’d Picardania. As we were entring the Harbour, we saw a Jack-Daw hovering about us, who upon Enquiry I found to be a Person of great Dignity, and at that Time Inspector-General of the Customs. I could scarce refrain from laughing, when I heard that an Office of so great Trust was committed to a Jack-Daw, and from the Appearance of their Chief, I conjectur’d, that Wasps and Hornets must be the Tide-Waiters and Custom-House Officers. After this Bird had flown two or three Times round the Ship, he made for the Shore again, and presently after return’d with three other Daws, and alighted upon the Fore-castle. I was ready to burst with laughing, when I saw one of our Interpreters approach these Birds with a profound Respect, and immediately enter into a long Conversation with them. The Reason of their coming, was to inspect what Merchandise we had on board, it being their Business to enquire, whether we had any contraband Goods, and particularly any of the Herb commonly call’d Slac. It is very common for these Creatures to search every Corner of the Ship, and to unpack every Bale of Goods, to see if they can discover any of this Herb, the Importation of which is prohibited by the Magistrate, under a very severe Penalty. The Inhabitants barter several Sorts of Commodities, which are very useful and necessary towards the Support of Life, in Exchange for this Herb; from whence it happens, that the Plants which grow in Picardania, though every whit as good as this, are held in no Esteem. The Picardanians in this resemble the Europeans, who are often fond of Things for no other Reason, but because they are fetch’d from remote Countries, and grow in foreign Soils. The Inspector, after he had had a long Conference with our Interpreters, went down into the Hold with the rest of his Companions, and returning soon after, with an angry Countenance declar’d, that he forbad us trading with the Picardanians, because we had acted contrary to the Faith of Treaties, in importing prohibited Goods. But the Captain, who knew by Experience how to mitigate the Officer’s Anger, presented him immediately with a few Pounds of Slac, upon which his Anger subsided, and he gave us Leave to unload our Cargo. As soon as this was over, a vast Flock of Daws came fluttering about us. These were all Merchants, who came to traffick. The Captain intending to go ashore, order’d me, and some others, to accompany him. Accordingly four in Number of us left the Ship, namely, the Captain, myself, and two other Monkeys, to wit, our Supercargo and Interpreter. We were invited to Dinner by the Inspector-General. The Inhabitants have no Tables, as not making any Use of Chairs, for which Reason the Cloth was laid in the Middle of the Floor. A most delicate and magnificent Repast was presently serv’d up, but in very small Dishes: And as the Kitchen was at the Top of the House, each Dish was brought in supported by two Pair of Jack-Daws, as if it descended from the Clouds. After Dinner the Officer took us along with him, to shew us his Library. There was a vast Collection of Books, but of a mighty small Size, the largest Folios being scarce so big as one of our Primmers. I had much ado to withhold laughing when I saw the Librarian fly up to the Top-Shelves to fetch down some of the Octavos and Duodecimos. The Houses of the Picardanians are very little different from ours, as to the Building, and the Disposition of the Apartments; but the Bed-Chambers are suspended just beneath the Roof, after the Manner of Birds-Nests. It may be ask’d, perhaps, how it is possible for Daws, (who are reckon’d amongst the Birds Minorum gentium) to build Houses of such a Magnitude? But it was evident, from a House which was then building from the Ground, that the Thing was very possible; for several thousand Labourers were employ’d about it at the same Time; so that what was wanting in Strength was supply’d by Numbers, and by the Agility with which they flew about their Work. For this Reason they will finish a House almost as quickly as our Bricklayers can. The Inspector’s Lady did not appear at Table, by reason of her Lying-in; for at such Times the Mother never stirs out as long as her little ones are callow, but as soon as ever they begin to be fledg’d, her Husband gives her Leave to go abroad. We did not stay long in this Country, for which Reason I can say nothing as to the Government thereof, or the Manners and Customs of the Inhabitants. Every Thing was in great Confusion at that Time, on Account of a War which was just then broke out between the Daws and their Neighbours the Thrushes, especially as News was brought the Day after our Arrival, that a great Battle had been fought in the Air, in which the Daws were entirely routed. The General was afterwards try’d by a Court-Martial, and sentenc’d to have his Wings clipt, which is look’d upon as a very heavy Punishment in this Country, and very little different from what is inflicted for capital Offences. After we had dispos’d of the Cargo, we set Sail from thence. At a little Distance from the Shore, we saw great Quantities of Feathers floating about upon the Water, and from thence conjectur’d, that it was the Spot where the late Battle had been fought.

After a prosperous Voyage, which lasted only three Days, we arriv’d upon the Coast of Crotchet-Island. We immediately came to an Anchor, and went on Shore, preceded by an Interpreter, who carry’d that Sort of musical Instrument along with him, which is generally call’d a Base. This Ceremony appear’d very ridiculous to me, as I could not comprehend for what Reason he should load himself with such an useless Burden. As the Coasts seem’d to be deserted, and there was no Appearance of any living Creature, the Captain order’d our Interpreter to play a March, to give Notice of our Coming. Upon this about thirty musical Instruments, or Bases, with one Leg, came hopping towards us. I thought at first, that what I saw was all Inchantment, as I never, in all my Travels, met with any Thing so wonderful. The Make of these Bases, whom I afterwards found to be the Inhabitants of the Country, was as follows: Their Necks were pretty long, with little Heads upon them; their Bodies were slender, and cover’d with a smooth Kind of Bark or Rind, in such a Manner, as that a pretty large Vacuity was left between the Rind and the Body itself. A little above the Navel, Nature had plac’d a Sort of Bridge with four Strings. The whole Machine rested upon one Foot, so that their Motion was like that of Hopping, which they perform’d with wonderful Agility. In short one would have took them for real Bases, from their Similitude to that Instrument, had it not been for their Hands and Arms, which were in every Respect like our own. One of these Hands was employ’d in holding the Bow, as the other was in stopping the Strings. Our Interpreter begun the Conference, by taking up the Instrument he had brought with him, and playing a slow Strain.

Sustinet a lævâ, tenuit manus altera plectrum,

Artificis status ipse fuit: Tum stamina docto

Pollice sollicitat.

An Answer was presently return’d him in the same Strain, and thus they went on warbling their Thoughts to one another for a considerable Time. Their Conversation began with an Adagio, which I cannot but say had a good deal of Harmony in it, but it soon slid into Discords which were very grating to the Ear. The Conference ended with an harmonious and delightful Præsto. Upon hearing this last our Men were exceedingly pleas’d, since it was a Token, as they told me, that the Price of their Cargo was agreed upon. I was afterward inform’d, that the slow Musick in the Beginning was only a Prelude to the Discourse, and was employ’d in mutual Compliments on both Sides: But that when we heard the Discords they were disputing about the Price of our Commodities, and that the Præsto in the Conclusion signify’d that the Business was happily determin’d. Accordingly a little while after we unloaded the Ship. The Commodity for which there is the greatest Demand in this Country is Rosin, with which the Inhabitants rub their Bows, which are their Instruments of Speech. Such as are convicted of any great Crime in this Country, are generally sentenc’d by the Judge to be depriv’d of their Bows; and a perpetual Privation of the Bow is equal to capital Punishment amongst us. As I understood there was to be a final Hearing of a Law-Suit in a neighbouring Court of Justice, while I staid there, my Curiosity prompted me to hear some of their musical Law-Proceedings. The Council, instead of making a Speech, mov’d their Bows, and play’d each of them a Kind of Tune. So long as the Pleadings lasted, I could distinguish nothing but dissonant and jarring Sounds; for all the Eloquence of the Bar consists in the Loudness of their Notes, and the quick Motion of their Hands. After the Hearing was over, the Judge rising slowly from the Bench, and taking up his Bow, gave the Court an Adagio, which is the same Thing as pronouncing Sentence. For as soon as he had made an End, the Executioners advanc’d directly to the Criminal, to take away his Bow. The Boys in this Country resemble that Kind of Instrument, which in our Parts of the World we call a Kitt. They are never suffer’d to handle a Bow till they are three Years old. Upon their Entrance into their fourth Year they are sent to School to learn their Gamut, from Masters appointed for that Purpose, as Children in Europe are, to learn their Alphabet. They are kept under the Discipline of the Ferula till they are able to play thoroughly in Tune, and to give their Instruments a clear and distinct Expression. We were very much molested by these Boys during our Stay there, as they were perpetually teazing us with their scraping. Our Interpreter, who had a very good Hand himself, and perfectly understood the Language, told us, that the only Meaning of this Musick was to beg a little Rosin of us. They begg’d in a whining Tone of the Adagio Kind, but as soon as ever they had got what they wanted, they run into the Allegro, or Jig-Time, which was their Method of returning Thanks. However, a Repulse would at any Time spoil all their Musick.

Having dispatch’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, we left this Place about the Month Cusan, and after a Voyage of a few Days came in Sight of another Coast. Our Crew guess’d it to be Pyglossia, from the fœtid Smell which came from thence. The Inhabitants of this Country are not unlike human Creatures, except in one Particular, which is the Want of Mouths. This lays them under a Necessity of speaking a posteriori, if I may be allow’d the Phrase. The first Person who came aboard our Ship was a wealthy Merchant. He very civilly saluted us from behind, according to the Custom of the Country, and then began to talk with us about the Price of our Goods. The Barber belonging to our Ship, to my great Misfortune, was at that Time sick; for which Reason I was oblig’d to make use of a Pyglossian Barber. The People of this Profession are more talkative, if possible, in this Country, than they are in Europe; so that whilst he was shaving me, he left such a horrid Stench behind him in the Cabin, that we were oblig’d to burn great Quantities of Incense to sweeten it again after his Departure. I was so accustom’d to see strange Things, and such as were contrary to the usual Course of Nature, that nothing now appear’d surprizing to me. As the Conversation of the Pyglossians was disagreeable and offensive, by reason of this natural Imperfection, we were willing to get away from thence as soon as possible, and therefore weigh’d Anchor before the Time we had appointed. We hasten’d our Departure the more on Account of our being invited to Supper by one of the principal Inhabitants. We all shrugg’d up our Shoulders at this Invitation, and nobody would accept of it, but upon Condition that a general Silence should be observ’d all Supper-Time. As we were going out of the Harbour, the Pyglossians crouded to the Shore to wish us a good Voyage; but as the Wind blew directly from the Land, we made all the Signs we could, by nodding our Heads, and waving our Hands, to let them know we would excuse their Compliments. I could not help reflecting, upon this Occasion, how very troublesome a Man may prove by striving to be over-complaisant. The chief Trade of the Martinians to this Country, consists in Rose-Water, and divers Kinds of Spices and Perfumes. We steer’d our Course from hence to Iceland, a Country the most horrid, desert, and inhospitable, that ever my Eyes beheld. Hardly any Thing is to be seen, but Mountains continually cover’d over with Snow. The Inhabitants, who are all made of Ice, are dispers’d here and there amongst the Tops of the Hills, in Places where the Sun never comes. For all between the Summits of the Mountains, to speak poetically, is bound up in eternal Frost. On this Account likewise it is perpetually dark here, or if there is any Light, it is only what proceeds from the Glittering of the Hoar-Frost. But the Valleys which lie between these Hills of Snow are (full as miraculously) scorch’d with Heat, and burnt up by the fiery Vapours with which the Atmosphere abounds. For this Reason the Inhabitants never dare venture down into the Valleys, unless it be in hazy Weather, or when the Sky is overcast. And as soon as ever they perceive the least Glimmering of the Sun’s Rays, they either get back into the Mountains, or plunge directly into some Cavern. It often happens, that whilst the Inhabitants are upon the Road into these Valleys, they are either melted, or come to some other Misfortune. The extraordinary Heat in these Places furnishes them with a ready Means of punishing notorious Criminals. The Executioners take the Opportunity of the first cloudy Day to carry such Criminals down into the Plain, where they tie them to a Stake, and there leave them expos’d to the burning Rays of the Sun, which soon dissolves and melts them. The Country produces all Kinds of Minerals, except Gold. These are bought up by foreign Merchants, in the crude State in which they are digg’d out of the Earth. For the Natives being unable to bear the Fire, know nothing of the Art of smelting or working up of Metals. ’Tis thought that the Iceland Trade is the most beneficial of any that is carry’d on in these Parts.

All these Countries, which I have been hitherto describing, are subject to the great Emperor of Mezendoria, properly so call’d; for which Reason these, as well as others which have not been mention’d, are by Travellers call’d by the general Name of the Mezendores, or Mezendorian Islands, tho’ they are distinguish’d from one another by peculiar Names, as has been shewn in this Itinerary. That Empire, which is no less spacious than it is extraordinary, was the End, and as it were the Center of our Voyage. Eight Days after we left Iceland, we arriv’d at the Imperial City. Whatever the Poets have said about Societies of Animals, or Trees, we here found to be real. For Mezendoria is a Country which is actually possess’d in common by Animals and Trees, who are alike endued with Reason. Any Kind of Animal or Tree whatsoever is allow’d to enjoy the Privileges of this City, provided he is obedient to the Laws, and to the establish’d Government. One would be apt to think, that a Mixture of so many Creatures of different Forms and opposite Natures should necessarily create Disorder and Confusion. But by Virtue of prudent Laws and Constitutions, this Contrariety is made to produce happy Effects. For by Means thereof, a different Office or Employment, and such as is suited to his different Genius, Temper, and Abilities, is prudently assign’d to each of these miscellaneous Subjects. Lions, because of their innate Magnanimity, are here made Generals of Armies; Elephants, by reason of their natural Sagacity, and the Soundness of their Judgments, are appointed Members of the Supreme Council of the Nation. All Offices at Court are fill’d up by Cameleons, which Animals being by Nature subject to Change, can the more readily accommodate themselves to Times and Circumstances. The Land-Forces are made up of Bears and Tygers, and such warlike Animals. Bulls and Oxen are admitted into the SeaService; for these being simple and well-meaning Creatures, and at the same Time hardy and obstinate, and not overburden’d with good Breeding, are therefore esteem’d the properest Inhabitants for that boisterous Element. They have likewise a Seminary of Calves, which are instructed in the Art of Navigation, and train’d up for the Service of the Fleet; these are call’d Sea-Calves, and are promoted by Degrees to the Dignity of Captains and Admirals. Trees, by reason of their Uprightness, are created Judges. Geese are Advocates in the Supreme Courts of Justice, and Magpyes have the Management of Causes in the inferior Courts. Foxes are made Plenipotentiaries, Envoys, Consuls, Agents and Secretaries to Embassies. Rooks are generally appointed Administrators to the Goods and Chattels of such as die intestate. Goats are Philosophers, especially Grammarians, as well out of Regard to their Horns, with which they are us’d to push their Adversaries upon the slightest Provocation, as on Account of their venerable Beards, in which Respect, they surpass all other Animals. Horses are Civil Magistrates; and Vipers, Moles, and Dormice, Farmers and Husbandmen. Birds are employ’d as Couriers and Post-Boys. Asses, on Account of the Loudness of their Voices, are made Deacons; and Nightingales execute the Office of Singing-Men and Choiristers. Cocks are the Watchmen in great Towns, and Dogs are Porters at the Gates. Wolves are the superior Officers in the Treasury and Custom-House, and Hawks and Vultures are their Deputies.

By Means of these excellent Institutions all publick Offices are duly and faithfully executed, and every Thing transacted in the most orderly Manner. This Empire, therefore, ought to be a Pattern for all Legislators to copy after in the Establishment of new Forms of Government. For that so many worthless Wretches get into Employments is not owing to any Want of Persons of Abilities to fill them up, but solely to an improper Choice. But if this Matter was taken Care of as it ought to be, and wise and able Men promoted not on Account of their general Merits, but of their Fitness to that particular Post, we should see publick Offices far better manag’d than they now are, and Governments in a more flourishing Condition. What a salutary Institution this is which we have been speaking of, is evident from the Example of this Empire. We find in the Annals of Mezendoria, that about three hundred Years ago this Law was repeal’d by the Emperor Lilak, and that publick Employments were conferr’d upon all Sorts of People indifferently, provided they had Merit of any Kind, or had signaliz’d themselves by any extraordinary Action. But this promiscuous Distribution of Places of Trust occasion’d so many and such great Disorders, that the Government seem’d upon the Point of being overturn’d thereby. Thus, for Example, a Wolf having acquitted himself with Reputation in the Management of the publick Revenues, lays Claim, on that Account, to a superior Dignity, and becomes a Senator; on the other Hand a Tree, having signaliz’d himself by the Integrity of his Decisions, was rewarded by an Employment in the Treasury. By this preposterous Promotion, two able Men at once were rendered absolutely useless to the Publick. A Goat, or a Philosopher, who was extoll’d to the Skies by the Scholasticks, for his Keenness and Obstinacy in defending an Argument, desiring to advance himself, requested the first Place that should happen to be vacant at Court, and obtain’d it; whilst a Cameleon, noted for his Good-Breeding and his Compliance with the Times, obtain’d by these Qualities a Professor’s Chair in the University, which he sollicited for the Sake of the Salary. The Effect of this was, that the former from an able Philosopher became an absurd Courtier; and the latter from an excellent Courtier, was transform’d into a most empty Philosopher. For that Perseverance in maintaining his Opinions, which does a Man Credit as a Philosopher, is an Imperfection in the other Character, since Fickleness and Inconstancy are cardinal Virtues at Court, and he that would rise there must regard not so much what is true, as what is safe, and must assume a different Aspect just as the Face of Affairs happens to change. What is there a Vice, is a Virtue in the Schools; where Positiveness, and a determin’d Resolution to adhere, at all Events, to the Point you have undertaken to defend, is a Token of a very great Man. In short, the Subjects in general, even such as were remarkable for very extraordinary Abilities, were by this Alteration in the Constitution render’d useless to their Country, and the Republick of course began to totter. In this State of Affairs, when every Thing was running to Ruin, an Elephant of great Prudence, named Baccari, at that Time a Senator, laid this Grievance before the Emperor in very pathetick Terms. That Prince, being convinc’d of the Truth of what was told him, determin’d to put an immediate Stop to the growing Evil. The Manner in which a Reformation was brought about was this. Such as were in Employment were not immediately turn’d out, for by that Means the Remedy would have been worse than the Disease; but as fast as Offices became vacant, such as already were in Employments, for which they were unfit, were remov’d to others better adapted to their Capacities. The good Effects of this Change soon became visible; and Baccari, for the great Service he had done his Country, had a Statue erected for him, which is to be seen in the great Square in Mezendoria at this Day. Ever since that Time the ancient Laws have been religiously observ’d. Our Interpreter affirm’d, that he had this Relation from a certain Goose, with whom he was very intimate, and who was reckon’d one of the most eminent Lawyers in the whole City.

Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of Strangers and Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals, to wit, Bears, Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, &c. walking up and down the different Streets and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly with each other, cannot fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in those who are unaccustom’d to such Kind of Sights. The first Person who came on board us was a meagre Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he was attended by four Kites, or Under-Officers, such as in Europe are call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they had a Mind to of our Cargo, and by that Means made it appear that they had learnt their Lesson perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their Trade. The Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along with him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock, who having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer of the Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited to sup with him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated Beauty among the Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The Reason of her Absence, we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy, who did not think it proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the View of Strangers, and especially of Sailors, who by reason of their long Abstinence, being generally very loving when they come on Shore, use little or no Distinction in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d Females sat down to Supper with us. One of our Company, a white Cow with black Spots, was the Wife of a Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s Huntsmen, and was just come up out of the Country. The Person that sat next to me at Table was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all Offices of this Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction. She was very sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands, which is a common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was extremely officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands. Every body was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these Creatures are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d she had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though the Inhabitants of Mezendoria resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes, yet they have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet, in which Respect alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no Occasion for Cloaths, as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or Feathers. The Rich are distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain Ornaments, as Collars of Gold, or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a spiral Manner round about their Horns. The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that one could scarce see any Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s Absence, by saying he was detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of which was to come on the Day following. After Supper was over, the particolour’d Sow, whom I have been speaking of, took our Interpreter aside, and had a long Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that she had conceiv’d a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and promising her a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his Attack on me. But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he advis’d me to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady would leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time forward I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of me, had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on board against the repeated Attacks of this Inamorata, who sometimes by Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses, endeavour’d to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost these Letters, when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have presented the Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are now slipt out of Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of them are the following Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.

’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise;

But let me not for this be hateful to thee.

What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane?

What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes?

What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours?

What is a mortal Man without his Beard?

And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?

We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however, was retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our Sailors, and some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of the Quarrel was this. As one of our Men was passing through the City, a Cuckoo, who had a Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision Peripom, which signifies the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For as Monkeys in this Country are commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians, the Cuckoo took our Martinian for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel, and repeating his Blow, almost maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for Help, desir’d the By-Standers to bear Witness of the Assault, and summon’d them the next Day to give Evidence in a Court of Justice. The Witnesses having been examin’d, the Matter was laid before the Senate. The Sailor being ignorant both of the Laws and Language of the Mezendorians, was forc’d to see a Pye, or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him. The Cause was thus brought before the Senate, and after a Hearing, which lasted about an Hour, Sentence was given to the following Purpose: That the Cuckoo, as being the Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that Case provided, and pay the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees had swallow’d up all his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this Affair were Horses, two of which were Consuls, and the other four Senators. An equal Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right of giving their Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court as Pupils and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.

Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our Course. Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of Fishes as they leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By and by we had a Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.

Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the Sailors, who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick portended Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our Sails, and every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End of our Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The Waves began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who had us’d the Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had never known so terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon Deck was immediately wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves, which were every Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent Rain’s which fell at the same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning and loud Claps of Thunder. So that all the Elements seem’d to conspire together for our Destruction. Our Main-Mast was presently broke short off and carry’d away, and the rest soon follow’d it. We had nothing now but Death before our Eyes. One was calling out upon his Wife and Children, another upon his Friends and Relations, and the whole Vessel resounded with their mournful Cries. The Pilot, though without Hope himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the rest with Hopes, and to advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows. Whilst he was in the Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind hurry’d him overboard, and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves. Three others underwent the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors. I was the only one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life was grown a Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to Martinia, where I had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had left was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to raise his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and womanish Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him away with it into the Ocean.

The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship. Not a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left; and our Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in this Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger. The Sky appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm continued with its usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the Sight of which, though it appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and Precipices, was some Comfort to those of the Crew who were still left alive. As the Wind blew towards the Shore, we were in Hopes that we should soon be driven thither. But this could not happen without our suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the Cragginess of the Coast. It seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not all, by the Help of some Fragments of the Ship, might for the present at least escape. But whilst we were comforting ourselves with these Hopes, we struck upon a Rock, which being under Water had escap’d our Notice, with such Violence, that the Vessel was in an Instant dash’d into an hundred Pieces. In the Midst of this Confusion I laid hold of a Plank, being only anxious for my own Safety, and little minding what became of my Companions, whose Fate I am yet a Stranger to. It is most likely that they were all lost, since I could not hear of the Arrival of any of them into that Country. I was carry’d with great Rapidity to the Shore, by the Help of the Tide and of the Waves. This was a Means of saving me, for had I continued a little longer in the State I was in, I should certainly have perish’d through Hunger and Fatigue. After I had doubled the Point of a certain Promontory, the Waves abated, and I heard the Murmuring of them at a Distance only, and that too by Degrees grew weaker and weaker, till it intirely vanish’d.

This whole Region is mountainous. And hence the frequent Windings of the Mountains, their overhanging Tops, together with the Deepness of the Vales below, are the Occasion of very great Echoes here. As soon as I found myself near the Shore, I hollow’d out as loud as I was able, in hopes that some of the Inhabitants upon the Coasts might hear me, and come to my Assistance. My first Shout was not return’d, but after I had repeated it, I heard a Kind of Noise from the Shore, and at length saw the Inhabitants running out of the Woods, and coming to meet me with a Boat, which was made of Osier Branches and Oaken Twigs, a Proof that they were not a very improv’d or civiliz’d People. But the Sight of the Rowers gave me a Transport beyond Description; for as to their exterior Figure, they did not differ at all from Men, and were the only Creatures of my own Species that I had beheld during this whole Subterranean Tour. They are something like the Inhabitants of the Torrid Zone. For they have black Beards, and short, curl’d Hair; and those who have long, flaxen Hair, are reputed a Kind of Monsters. At length they drew near to the broken Piece of the Ship I was upon, and took me into their Boat in a dropping Condition. They then row’d to Shore, where after I had been refresh’d with some Meat and Drink, though in a very plain and coarse Manner, I soon recover’d my Vigour and Spirits, notwithstanding I had been three whole Days and Nights in a Manner combating with Thirst and Hunger.

CHAP. XII.

The Author’s Arrival at Quama.

AND now a Croud of People surrounded me. They talk’d to me in their Language, of which, as I was wholly ignorant, I was at a Loss what to answer. They often repeated the Word Dank, Dank, which sounding like High Dutch, I answer’d first in that Language, then in the Danish Tongue, and lastly in Latin. But to all this they only shook their Heads, to intimate that these Languages were utterly unknown to them. Then I try’d them in the Subterranean Languages, namely, the Nazaric, and the Martinian; but all to no Purpose. This made me conclude, that they were an unsociable Nation, who had no Kind of Commerce with the rest of the World, and that therefore I should be under a Necessity in this Country of turning Boy, and going to School once more to learn my Letters.

After we had convers’d some Time together, but in such a Manner that we did not understand one another, they brought me to a Cottage made of Osiers. There were no Seats, Benches, or Tables in it; for they eat upon the Ground, and for Want of Beds, they use only Straw, and sleep promiscuously on the Floor, which is the more to be admir’d, as they have Plenty of Timber among them. Their Food is Milk, Cheese, Barley-Bread, and Flesh; which last they broil upon the Coals, having no Notion of any other Sort of Cookery. In short, they liv’d in as plain a Manner as the first Race of Mankind. So that I was forc’d to live like a Cynic Philosopher, till I had made such a Progress in their Language as enabled me to converse with the Inhabitants, and assist their Ignorance. And, indeed, all my Orders and Directions were observ’d as so many Oracles. Nay to such a Height my Reputation rose, that they flock’d to me in Crouds from all the adjacent Towns and Villages, as to an illustrious Doctor, or a Teacher sent from Heaven. I heard also, that a new Computation of Time was made use of among them, which commenc’d from my Arrival. All this, I own, was so much the more grateful to me, as in the Planet Nazar, and at Martinia, I had been a publick Jest; in the former Place for my Vivacity and quick Conception, and in the latter for my Dulness. And here I experienc’d the Truth of that vulgar Saying, “Among the Blind, he that squints is a King.” For I was now in a Country, where with a slender Share of Knowledge, and with ordinary Abilities, I could arrive at the highest Honours. And Room enough there was here, to try my own Strength, and exercise my Talents; for the Country abounded to Profusion with every Thing necessary for the Use of Man. Many Things it produc’d spontaneously, and whatever Grain was sow’d, repaid the Husbandman with ample Interest. The Inhabitants were of a docil Disposition, and by no Means destitute of Wit and Understanding; but then, as they had never been taught any Thing, they remain’d in the Depth of Ignorance. When I related to them the Circumstances of my Family, my Country, my Shipwreck, and the other Accidents that befel me in my Travels, nobody could be brought to believe it. For they were positive, that I was an Inhabitant of the Sun, and that I descended from that glorious Luminary. Agreeably to this Conceit, they commonly call’d me by the Name of Pikil-Su, that is, Embassador of the Sun. As to their Religion, they did not deny the Existence of a Supreme Being, but then they did not trouble their Heads about the Proof of that high Point; it was sufficient to them that their Fathers before them believ’d it: And this is their whole System of Divinity. As to their Morality, they knew nothing except this single Precept of Not doing to others what you would not have done to yourself. They knew no Law beside the sole Will and Pleasure of their Emperor, and therefore no Crimes, but those of a publick Nature, were ever punish’d. Whatever Misdemeanour was otherwise committed, all the Revenge the Neighbours took, was to avoid the Company of the Offenders, to whom such a general Contempt was usually so intolerable, that many have died for Grief, and as many more have laid violent Hands upon themselves through a Weariness of Life. Chronology they know nothing of, only they compute their Years from the Eclipse of the Sun, which happens by the Interposition of the Planet Nazar; so that when you enquire how old any one is, their Answer is, that he is so many Eclipses old. Their Physicks are excessively barren and absurd; they believe the Sun is a Golden Plate, and the Planet Nazar a Cheese. When I enquir’d the Reason why at stated Times the Planet Nazar increas’d and decreas’d, they reply’d, that they knew nothing at all about it. Their Wealth and Substance consists chiefly in Swine, which they distinguish by some particular Mark, and then suffer them to run loose in the Woods. They scourge and beat all such Trees as bear no Fruit, from a foolish Opinion, that their Sterility proceeds from Malice and Envy. Such was the State of this poor miserable People, whom I almost despair’d of ever reducing to Humanity; but recollecting that Assertion of the Poet,

Nemo adeo ferus est, ut non mitescere possit,

Si modo culturæ patientem præbeat aurem,

I took Courage, and employ’d the whole Force of my Capacity and Abilities in reforming these Barbarians. For these my Endeavours, and the Success which attended them, they regarded me as something above the Race of Mortals, and so extravagant an Opinion did they entertain of my Wisdom, that they thought nothing was impossible to me. Upon the Loss of Cattle or Goods, they would come, at all Hours, to my Hut, and implore my Assistance. One Day I saw a poor Peasant prostrate before my Door weeping and wringing his Hands, and crying out to me to help him. Upon Inquiry into the Occasion of his Grief, he complain’d to me of the Perverseness and Ill-Nature of his Trees, and begg’d me to interpose my Authority to make them bear more Acorns.

I was inform’d, that the whole Country was in Subjection to a Monarch, whose Residence, at that Time, was about eight Days Journey from the Place I was now in. I say at that Time, because the Metropolis of the Empire was moveable, that is, his Majesty (whose Place of Residence was look’d upon as the Capital) had no Palace, or fix’d Habitation, but liv’d in Tents, which he transported, together with his Royal Family and the whole Court, from one Province to another. The Prince, who then sway’d the Sceptre, was a Man in Years, and was call’d Casba, which signifies, Great Emperor. This Territory, with respect, to the Extent of it, merits indeed the Name of an Empire; but thro’ the Ignorance of the Inhabitants, who do not know their own Strength, it makes no great Figure, but is expos’d to the Insults and Ridicule of its Neighbours, and is often oblig’d to become tributary to Nations in Reality more contemptible than themselves.

Fame had now spread my Name and Virtues over all the Provinces. Nothing of Moment was undertook without first consulting me, and every unsuccessful Enterprize was ascrib’d to my Coldness and Want of Favour. Nay, some had it in their Heads to appease my Anger with Sacrifices. I forbear to recount all the Follies of this stupid Nation, and shall only give one or two Instances, by which you may easily judge of the rest. A big-bellied Woman came to me, to desire she might have a Boy. Another intreated me to make his old Parents young again. Another begg’d me to take him with me up to the Sun, that he might return from thence with as much Gold as he could carry. With these, and such unaccountable Requests, was I continually pester’d, tho’ I still reprimanded their Folly in a severe Tone: For I was afraid lest that absurd Conceit of my Power might terminate in divine Worship.

At length it reach’d the Ears of the Monarch, that a Stranger was arriv’d in his Dominions, who call’d himself the Ambassador of the Sun, and who by giving most wise and divine Instructions to the Quamites (so were call’d the Inhabitants of this Country, the Name of which was Quama) had convinc’d the People that he was more than Man. Upon this he presently dispatch’d an Embassy to me, inviting me to Court. The Embassadors were in Number thirty, all cloath’d with Tigers Skins, a Dress so much the more honourable in this Country, as the Use thereof is permitted to none but those who have behav’d themselves with Gallantry in the War against the Tanachites. (These are rational Tigers, and implacable Enemies to the Quamites.) But during all this Time, in the Village where I continued, I had run up a Stone-House of two Stories, after the Manner of the Buildings in Europe. The Embassadors beheld it as a stupendous Work, exceeding human Strength, and therefore when they came to me to signify his Imperial Majesty’s Pleasure, they enter’d my House with a religious Awe, as into a Temple or Sanctuary. The Speech they made to me, on this Occasion, was nearly this:

“Whereas the great Emperor Casba, our Sovereign Lord and Master, derives his Origin from the great Spynko, Son of the Sun, and Founder of the Quamitic Empire, he therefore thinks nothing could be more fortunate or agreeable, than your Arrival, especially as it must be of the highest Advantage to his Dominions, and as there is all the Reason in the World to hope, that under such an illustrious and celestial Teacher, the Kingdom will, in a short Time, wear another Face. For which Reason he hopes you will so much the more willingly honour his Court, as the Capital of the Empire is a more ample Field for the Exercise of your Virtues.”

This Harangue being ended, I returned my humble Thanks to the Embassadors, and accompanied them immediately to the Palace. Though they had taken up fourteen Days in coming, yet in returning we spent only four, which was owing to a Contrivance of mine. For as I had observ’d a vast Multitude of Horses in this Country, which were of no Manner of Use, but rather a Burden upon the People, inasmuch as they liv’d in the Woods like wild Beasts, I laid open to the Natives the several Advantages which would accrue from the Service of those generous Brutes, and taught them the Art of breaking them. In a short Time a great Number were tam’d, and upon the Arrival of the Embassadors, I had as many broke and prepar’d, as would serve us all in our Return. At the Sight of the Horses thus instructed, the Embassadors were amazed, but were afraid to mount them. But when they saw me and others guiding and turning them which Way we pleas’d, by Means of the Bridle, and that without Fear or Danger, they took Courage, after two or three Trials, and ventur’d upon the Journey. And this was the Reason that they return’d in one Third of the Time they came. When we drew near the Place where the Royal City was suppos’d to be, we heard that this famous Metropolis was remov’d into another Province, which oblig’d us to bend our Course another Way.

Upon our Approach to the Capital, the Fright and Surprize of the People is not to be express’d. Many, struck with a Panick, abandon’d the Royal City. The Emperor himself kept shuddring in his Pavilion, nor dar’d to go out of it, till one of the Embassadors alighting from his Horse, went and explain’d the Mystery to him. I was introduc’d soon after in great Form, and with a Train of People behind me, to the Emperor’s Presence. Casba was sitting on a Carpet, surrounded by his Courtiers. Having paid my Compliments to his Imperial Highness, he rose, and ask’d me how the Emperor of the Sun did, the Founder of the Royal Family of Quama. To this Question, as I conceiv’d it necessary to keep up the popular Error, I reply’d, “That I was sent from the Monarch of the Sun to reform the savage Manners of the Quamites with salutary Instructions, and to open a Way for them not only to repel the Insults of their Neighbours, but also to enlarge the Bounds of their Empire, and that I had Orders to end my Days among them.” This Speech highly pleas’d the Emperor. He commanded a Tent to be erected for me near his own; he also assign’d me fifteen Domesticks to attend on me, and, laying aside the Monarch, behav’d to me always like a Friend.

CHAP. XIII.

The Rise of the fifth Monarchy.

FROM that Time forward, I was wholly taken up in giving a new Form to the Government, and instructing the Youth in military Discipline.

Ante urbem hinc pueri, & primævi flore juventus

Exercentur equis, domitantque in pulvere currus:

Aut acres tendunt arcus, aut lenta lacertis

Spicula contorquent.

I began with teaching them the Management of Horses, and training them for War, as I hop’d that by our Horse alone our Neighbours might be kept in Awe. The Emperor was soon supply’d, through my Diligence, with six thousand Horse. The Tanachites were at that Time preparing for a fresh Invasion, on Account of the Delay of the annual Tribute, the Payment of which had often been sollicited in vain. I was order’d by the Emperor to go and meet the Enemy with my new-rais’d Cavalry, to which were added a Body of Infantry. These were arm’d with Pikes and Javelins, with which they might engage the Tanachites at a Distance. For the Quamites had hitherto made use of short Swords or Daggers only; for which Reason being oblig’d to engage Hand to Hand with very fierce Enemies, who were much superior to them in Strength, they had always fought upon unequal Terms.

Being appointed General in this Expedition, as soon as I heard that the Tanachites were drawn up in Order of Battle, not far from the Borders of our Empire, I march’d to meet them with all my Forces. The Enemy, thunderstruck with the Sight of an unexpected Army, remain’d for some Time motionless: But our Forces advancing towards them, began to handle their Pikes and Javelins as soon as the Enemy came within Reach, and made a heavy Slaughter of them. The Tanachites, however, did not lose Courage, but made a brisk Attack upon our Infantry: But the new-rais’d Horse falling upon their Flanks, their Ranks were quickly broken, and they themselves put to Flight; so that the Fortune of the Battle wholly turn’d on this Assault. A terrible Slaughter ensued, and the General of the Tanachites, together with twenty Tigers of the first Quality, were taken Prisoners, and led in Triumph to Quama. It is scarce to be express’d what Joy this extraordinary Victory diffus’d throughout the Empire; for the Quamites had generally been routed in all former Battles, and forc’d to beg a Peace upon the most dishonourable Terms. The Emperor, according to Custom, immediately sentenc’d all the Prisoners to be executed: But as I had an Abhorrence of this Custom, I advis’d the keeping them in Custody, thinking the Tanachites (with whom we could neither be said to be at War, nor in Peace, at that Time) would be quiet, until they saw what was to become of their Prisoners. And besides I urg’d, that a Truce was necessary for me, to put some Schemes in Execution which I was then projecting. I had before taken Notice, that the Country abounded with Salt-Petre, and had got together a large Quantity of it, in order to make Gunpowder. I had not however communicated my Design to any body but the Emperor, whose Authority I stood in need of, to erect Offices for casting Barrels for Guns, and other Kinds of Weapons: And I was in Hopes, that by the Help of these Instruments all the Enemies of this Empire might in a short Time be subdued. After I had got some Hundreds of Muskets made, together with a Quantity of Ball, I gave a publick Specimen of my Invention, to the great Astonishment of every body. A certain Number of Men were immediately set aside, to be continually exercis’d in the Management of these Muskets. After the Musketeers came to be pretty ready in their Exercises, I was declar’d Jachal by the Emperor, or Generalissimo of all his Forces, and all the subordinate Officers were order’d to receive their Commands from me. Whilst these Affairs were transacting, I had frequent Conferences with Tomopoloko, the General of the Tanachites, in order to discover the State, the Manners and Disposition of that Nation. I found him, to my great Surprize, to be a Person of Prudence, Learning, and Politeness, and was inform’d by him, that Literature and Arts were in no small Esteem in the Country of the Tanachites. He told me likewise, that there were a very warlike People Eastward of them, whom the Tanachites were oblig’d to be perpetually upon their Guard against. The Inhabitants were small of Stature, and much inferior to the Tanachites in Strength of Body; but then their Understandings were very acute, and they were eminent for their Dexterity in managing their Javelins, or Darts, and for this Reason had often compell’d the Tanachites to sue for Peace. I learnt afterward, that that Nation was compos’d of Cats, and that of all the Inhabitants of the Firmament, they were the most remarkable for their able Judgment and Skill in Politicks. It was no small Grief to me to be inform’d, that Learning, Wisdom, and Politeness, flourish’d among all the Creatures of this Subterraneous World, Man only excepted, and that the Quamites alone were barbarous and unciviliz’d. I hop’d, however, that this Reproach would soon be remov’d, and that the Quamites would recover that Dominion which Nature has given to Man over all other Animals.

The Tanachites continued quiet for a long Time after their last Defeat; but after they had discover’d, by Means of their Spies, the State and Disposition of the new Body of Horse, namely, that those Centaurs, which had struck such a Terror into them, were nothing else but Horses, which had been broke and manag’d, they resum’d new Courage, and rais’d fresh Forces, which the King himself commanded in Person. The Army consisted of twenty thousand Tigers, all veteran Troops, except two Regiments which had lately been inlisted. These new-rais’d Forces were however a nominal, and not a real Addition to their Strength. This Army, flush’d with Hopes of Victory, struck a Terror into the whole Empire of Quama. Twelve thousand of our Foot advanc’d to meet them, among which were six hundred Musketeers, together with four thousand Horse. As I had no Doubt about the Success of the Battle, lest the Emperor should be defrauded of the Glory of the Victory, I intreated the old Man to put himself at the Head of his Forces. I lost nothing of my Credit by this feign’d Modesty, since the whole Army look’d upon me as their Leader. I thought it most advisable not to let my Musketeers have any Share in the first Assault, having a Mind to try, whether we could not carry the Victory by Means of the Horse alone. But this Piece of Management cost me dear. For the Tanachites attack’d our Foot with so much Violence, that they oblig’d them to give Way: They stood likewise the Shock of our Horse so valiantly, that for a long Time it could not be said to which Side the Victory inclin’d. While we were in the Heat of the Battle, I led my Musketeers on to the Attack. At the first Discharge of our Artillery, the Tanachites were in a Manner stupefy’d. They could not conceive from whence those Thunders and Lightnings proceeded; but when they saw the dreadful Effects thereof, they were seiz’d as it were with a Panick. This first Salutation laid two hundred Tigers prostrate on the Ground, amongst which were two Chaplains belonging to the Camp, who were each of them pierc’d thro’ with a Musket-Ball, whilst they were encouraging the Soldiers to do their Duty by very pathetick Discourses in Praise of Valour. Their Fate was bitterly lamented by all, for they were reckon’d admirable Orators. As soon as I perceiv’d the Terror our Enemies were in, I order’d a second Discharge to be made. This did more Execution than the former: Great Numbers were kill’d, and among the rest, the King himself. Upon this the Enemy losing all Hopes, turn’d their Backs. Our Horse pursued them, and made so great a Slaughter of them as they fled, that the Multitude of Carcasses with which the Field was covered, at length put a Stop to their Pursuit. After the Battle was over, and we had Time to take an Account of the Number of the Slain, they were found to amount to thirteen thousand. The Enemy being thus intirely routed, the victorious Army enter’d the Country of the Tanachites, and after a few Days March encamp’d under the Walls of the Metropolis. Such a Terror had at that Time seiz’d all Peoples Minds, that though the Town was strong, and well secur’d by its Situation, Walls, and Forts, and well stor’d with Provisions of all Kinds, yet the Magistrates came out in the most suppliant Manner to meet the Conquerors, and to offer them the Keys of the City. This City was no less remarkable for its great Extent, than for the Cleanness of its Streets, and the Neatness of its Buildings. And it was certainly Matter of great Wonder, that the Quamites, who were encompass’d on all Sides by Nations so polite, should have continued so long in their Barbarity. But they were in this Respect like some other Nations, who though ignorant of what passes in foreign Countries, entertain a high Conceit of themselves, and who having no Commerce or Communication with others, live hugely contented in their own Sordidness and Ignorance, of which it would be very easy to produce Instances among the Europeans. This Defeat became a new Æra among the Tanachites; and as this decisive Battle was fought, according to their Computation, upon the third Day of the Month Torul, they reckon this among the unlucky Days. At this Season of the Year, the Planet Nazar, whose Revolution round the Subterranean Sun regulates the Time, and distinguishes the Seasons, is at its farthest Distance from this Part of the Firmament. The whole Firmament likewise makes its Revolution round the Sun, but as the Planet moves with greater Velocity, Nazar seems to increase or decrease, according as it is nearer to, or more remote from this or that Hemisphere. The Increase or Decrease of this Planet, as also the Eclipses of the Sun, are the Subject of astronomical Observations in this Country. I once took the Pains, at my Hours of Leisure, to examine the Tanachitish Kalendar, and it seem’d to me to be an orderly and well digested Thing.

The Taking of the capital City was follow’d by the Surrender of the whole Kingdom; so that the Contempt with which the Quamites had been before stigmatiz’d, was chang’d into Renown; and the Empire of Quama, by the Addition of this conquer’d Nation, became almost twice as powerful as it was before. But as every body look’d upon this Success to be owing to my Industry and Management, the Esteem which they had for a long Time conceiv’d for me was heighten’d almost into Adoration. The Tanachites being thus subdued, and Governors appointed in every City, to keep this fierce and warlike People in their Duty, I went to work, to finish the Task I had begun, and to root out that Barbarity in which the Quamites were as yet involv’d. It was a Matter of great Difficulty, however, to introduce the Study of the liberal Arts at once; for the Latin Tongue, and a few Scraps of Greek, which I had learnt in Europe, would not, I knew, be here of any Use. For this Reason, I caus’d twelve of the most learned Tigers to be sent for out of the Enemies Country. These were made Professors, and commanded to found an University upon the Model of those in their own Country. I likewise order’d the Royal Library of Tanachin to be remov’d to Quama. I was determin’d, however, that as soon as the Quamites had made such a Progress in Literature as to be able to stand upon their own Legs, I would send these Foreigners back into their own Country.

I was very desirous of seeing the Tanachitish Library, because I had been inform’d by their General Tomopoloko, that amongst other Manuscripts in the Archives of the Library, there was one compos’d by an Author who had been in our World, and had left a Description of its different Kingdoms, especially the European ones; he told me likewise, that the Tanachites had got Possession of this Book while they were at War in a very distant Country, but that the Name of the Author was conceal’d, nor could it ever be learnt who he was, or how he was carry’d to the Superterranean Habitations.

Upon looking over the Book, I found what Tomopoloko had told me concerning the Author was true, and therefore I candidly discover’d my Race and Country to him, assuring him at the same Time, that I had declar’d the same Thing to the Quamites at my first Arrival, but that the stupid Mortals gave no Credit to my Narration, but would needs have me to be an Embassador from the Sun, and still continued to persist obstinately in that Error. I added likewise, that as I look’d upon it to be a Crime to keep so vain a Title any longer, I was at length determin’d to discover my Origin to the Publick, by which ingenuous Confession I thought my Reputation would not in the least suffer, especially as I hop’d, that the Reading of this Book would convince every body how much the Europeans excel all other People in Virtue and in Knowledge. The prudent Tomopoloko did not seem pleas’d with my Design, and gave me his Sentiments upon it, as I remember, in the following Terms. “Good Sir, before you proceed in your Design, it will be necessary for you to see the Book, the Reading of which may, perhaps, divert you from your Purpose; for either the Author has misrepresented them, or the Manners of the Superterraneans are foolish and absurd, and they are govern’d by Laws and Customs more worthy of Laughter than Regard. But after you have read the Book, you may use your own Discretion. One Piece of Advice, however, I will presume to give you, and that is, not rashly to reject a Title which has render’d you so venerable in the Opinion of the Quamites: For nothing serves more effectually to restrain Men within the Bounds of Duty, than the Opinion which the Vulgar entertain of Birth and high Descent.”

I took the Advice, and determin’d, with the Assistance of Tomopoloko, to read the Book. The Title of it is this; Tanian’s Journey to the Superterranean World, or a Description of the Kingdoms and Countries upon Earth. The Name of Tanian is thought to be fictitious, and as the Book was grown mouldy for want of being taken due Care of, and imperfect in several Places through Length of Time, what I wanted most to see, namely, which Way the Author got up to our World, and down again, was missing. These are the Contents of what remain’d of the Work.

Fragments of Tanian’s Journey above Ground, translated from the Original, by the celebrated, noble, and valiant Tomopoloko, General of the Tanachites.

* * * This Country (i. e. Germany) goes by the Name of the Roman Empire; but this is merely titular, for the Roman Monarchy has been extinct for several Ages. The Language, which the Germans use, is with much Difficulty to be understood, because the natural Order of the Words is inverted; for what goes first in other Languages, comes last in this, so that you may be oblig’d to read to the End of a Page before you can comprehend the Meaning of it. The Form of Government is strange. The Germans think they have a King, and yet in Reality they have none. Germany is said to be one Empire, and yet it is divided into many separate Principalities, each of which has the Sovereign Power within itself, so that they often make War upon one another, and have most certainly a Right so to do. The Empire is said to be always August, though it is sometimes very much diminish’d; Holy, tho’ without any Holiness; Invincible, though often expos’d to the Depredations of its Neighbours. Nor are the Rights and Privileges of this Nation less wonderful, since many have Rights, which they are prohibited from making any Use of. Infinite are the Comments which have been publish’d upon the State of the German Empire, but so intricate is the Subject, that in Spite of all their Labours they are at every Turn as much at a Loss as ever concerning it; for * * * *

* * * * The Capital of this Kingdom (France) which is very large, is call’d Paris. It may in some Sense be styl’d the Capital of Europe: For it exercises a Kind of Jurisdiction over all other European Nations. For Example, it prescribes Rules to them about their Eating, and about the Fashion of their Cloaths; so that let any Fashion be as ridiculous and as inconvenient as it will, all other Nations are oblig’d to follow it, whenever the Parisians are pleas’d to lead the Way. How or what Time they acquir’d this Right, I could never learn. Their Authority, however, did not, as I understood, extend to other Things, for the rest of the European Nations are often at War with the French, and sometimes force them to accept of Peace upon very severe Terms; but the Servitude they are under with regard to Dress, and the Manner of Eating is perpetual; so that whatever Fashion is invented at Paris, the rest of Europe are strictly oblig’d to come into it. The Parisians very much resemble the Martinians in Quickness of Apprehension, the Love of Novelty, and a Fertility of Invention.

* * * Having left Bononia, we went to Rome. This City is subject to a Priest, who, though his Dominions are very narrow, is reckon’d the most powerful of all the European Kings and Princes. For other Princes exercise Dominion only over the Persons and Estates of their Subjects, but this can destroy their Souls likewise. The Europeans in general believe, that the Keys of Heaven are in the Custody of this Priest. I was very desirous of seeing so great a Curiosity, but I lost my Labour, nor do I know, to this Day, what Form they are of, or in what Cabinet they are kept. The Authority which this Pontiff exercises, not only over his own Subjects, but over all Mankind, chiefly consists in this, that he can absolve whom God condemns, and condemn whom he absolves. An enormous Power, indeed! and such an one as our Subterraneans will never believe can fall to any Mortal’s Share. But it is an easy Matter to impose upon the Europeans as one pleases, and to make them swallow the greatest Absurdities, though they imagine that nobody has any Understanding but themselves; and being puff’d with this Opinion, they look down with Contempt upon all other Mortals, as if they were Barbarians in Comparison of them.

For my Part, I do not undertake to justify the Manners, Laws, and Customs of our Subterraneans; I will only produce some Instances of the Customs of the Europeans, in order to make it appear how undeservedly they pass a Censure upon the Manners of other Nations.

It is a Custom all over Europe for People to scatter a Kind of Meal, which is made by grinding the Fruits of the Earth, and which Nature intended for Food, over their Hair and Cloaths. This Meal is commonly call’d Powder, and great Care and Pains are us’d to cleanse their Hair from it every Morning, with an Instrument call’d a Comb, in order to make Room for more of the same Sort. They have another Custom which appear’d to me no less ridiculous, which is this. They have a Kind of little Cover, or Hat, to defend their Heads against the Cold, which Cover they very often wear under one of their Arms, even in the very Depth of Winter. This appear’d as absurd to me, as it would have been to have seen a Man walking through the Streets with his Coat or his Breeches in his Hand, and leaving his Body to be expos’d to the Inclemencies of the Air, from which they were intended to defend it.

The religious Opinions of the Europeans are very sound and agreeable to right Reason. They are under an Injunction carefully to study the Books in which the Rule of Faith and Practice is contain’d, in order to discover their true Sense and Meaning. These Books recommend Indulgence to weak Brethren, and such as happen to be mistaken; but if any should chance to understand a Thing in a different Sense from the Majority, he is punish’d for this Defect of Judgment by Fines, Imprisonment, Whipping, and even sometimes by dying at a Stake. This seem’d to me the same Thing, as if a Man, who happen’d to be short-sighted, should undergo the Bastinado, only because Objects, which seem square to me, appear round to him. I was inform’d, that Thousands had been hang’d and burnt, by Order of the Magistrate, on this Account.

In almost every Town and Village, you see Men standing up in Places of publick Resort, and severely reprimanding others for those Sins which they themselves are daily guilty of; which is just as if one should hear a Man in Liquor declaiming against Drunkenness.

Oftentimes a Person who is born humpback’d, crooked, or lame, shall be ambitious of being thought handsome; and another sprung from the Dregs of the People, shall be ambitious of a Coat of Arms, or a Title: Which is full as absurd as if a Dwarf should affect to be call’d a Giant, or an old Man, young.

It is a Custom in great Towns, for Friends and Acquaintance to visit one another after Dinner, in order to drink a Kind of black Broth made of burnt Beans. This Broth is commonly call’d Coffee. When they make these Visits, they are shut up in a Box, which is fix’d upon four Wheels, and drawn to the Place of Rendezvous by two Beasts of very great Strength: For the Europeans think it a Disgrace to use their Legs.

Upon the first Day of the Year the Europeans are seiz’d with a Disease, which we have no Knowledge of amongst us. The Symptoms of it are strange Commotions and Agitations of Mind, and an Inability to sit still in any Place. They run about at such Times from one House to another, as if they were distracted, without knowing why they do it. The Disease sometimes lasts for fourteen Days. At length, when they are quite fatigu’d and spent with continually running about, they come to themselves again, and recover their former Health.

As the Europeans have innumerable Diseases of Mind, so they have innumerable Remedies. Some are seiz’d with a strange Passion of walking in such a Manner, as that the left Sides of their Bodies may be turn’d towards the right Sides of others. The farther North you go, the stronger you find this Humour, which proves that it is all owing to the Climate, and the Intemperature of the Air. This Disease is cur’d by certain seal’d Papers, fill’d with Characters of a particular Kind. As long as the Patient carries these Papers about him, by Way of Talisman or Charm, he grows better and better by Degrees, till he is quite recover’d.

Another raging Distemper they have, which is cur’d by the Sound of a Bell, at the Noise of which the Mind immediately grows calm, and the Disorder abates: Yet this Remedy is by no Means effectual, because in two or three Hours Time the same raging Evil returns.

In Italy, France, and Spain, during the Winter Season, an epidemick Madness prevails for several Weeks. They put a Stop to it at length, by sprinkling the Foreheads of the Patients with Ashes, at an appointed Time. But in the Northern Parts of Europe these Ashes have no Virtue, and the Inhabitants of the North recover by the Help of Nature only.

Most of the Europeans enter into a solemn Covenant with God, which they call the Communion, three or four Times a Year, and break it as soon as ever they have made it. So that they seem to make it for no other Reason, but that they may shew that they are resolv’d not to stand to their Agreement.

When they confess their Sins, and implore the Mercy of God, their Words are generally set to Musick. Flutes, Trumpets, and Drums, are sometimes added to the Concert, according to the Greatness of the Crime, for which they are suing Pardon.

Almost all the European Nations are obliged to confess their Belief of a Doctrine contain’d in a certain sacred Book. But the reading this Book is totally prohibited in the Southern Countries, so that People there are laid under a Necessity of believing what it is criminal to read or enquire into.

In the same Countries, Men are forbad to worship God in any, but an unknown Tongue; so that such Prayers only are thought to be legitimate, and agreeable to the divine Being, as are put up by Persons, who do not understand a Word they say.

In the great Cities, such as arrive at Honours and profitable Employments are all paralytick; for they are oblig’d to be carry’d along the Streets, like weak and impotent People, on a Kind of Couch, made in the Figure of a Chest or Box.

Most of the Europeans shave their Heads, and to conceal their Baldness, wear an artificial Covering made of other Peoples Hair.

The Controversies which are commonly discuss’d in the Schools in Europe, are about Things, the Knowledge of which neither concerns Mankind, nor is within the Reach of their Comprehension. But the most learned Subjects of all, which the Europeans comment upon, are the Rings, Robes, Slippers, Shoes, and Buskins of certain antiquated People, who liv’d many Centuries ago. As to the Sciences, as well sacred as profane, the Generality do not judge for themselves, but subscribe implicitly to the Opinion of others. Whatever Sect they happen to fall into, they stick to it with all imaginable Firmness. As to what they say of pinning their Faith upon the Sleeve of others who are wiser than themselves, I should approve of it, were the Vulgar and Illiterate proper Judges of this Matter; for to be able to distinguish who is this wise Man that may be rely’d upon, requires the greatest Wisdom.

In the Southern Countries, a Sort of little Cakes or Wafers are carry’d about the Streets, which the Priests say are Gods: But what is most surprizing, the very Bakers themselves, who shew you the Flour of which they were made, will take their Oaths upon it, that the World was created by these Wafers.

The English are very fond of Liberty, and are subject to nobody but their Wives. As to their Religion, it is hard to say what it is, for they take up an Opinion one Day, and throw it aside the next. I imputed this fickle Disposition to the Situation of the Country. For the English live upon an Island, and being a maritime People, partake much of the Nature of the inconstant Element that surrounds them.

The English are very sollicitous about the Health of every one they meet, so that a Man would take them all to be Physicians. But that common Question, How do you do? I found to be only an empty Form of Speech, and a Sound without any Sense or Meaning in it. Many of these Islanders take so much Pains to improve their Minds, and polish their Understandings, that at length they intirely lose them.

Towards the North, there is a Republick consisting of seven Provinces. These go by the Name of the United Provinces, tho’ there is but little Sign of Concord or Unity amongst them. The People here boast of their Power, as if the whole Authority of the Republick was lodg’d in their Hands; and yet the Populace are no where more excluded from publick Employments, and the supreme Power is vested in a very few Families. The Inhabitants of these Provinces are deeply attentive upon heaping up Riches, which they make no Use of; so that while their Purses are full, their Bellies are empty. They seem to live upon Smoke only, which they suck in thro’ a Tube or Pipe, which is made of Clay. It must be allow’d, however, for the Honour of this Nation, that they are the neatest of all People, for they take great Care to wash every Thing except their Hands.

In the Cities and great Towns in Europe, a Watch is kept in the Street by Night. The Watchmen go their Rounds every Hour, and wake People out of their Sleep, by wishing them a good Night.

Every Country has its peculiar Laws, and its peculiar Customs likewise, which are ofttimes diametrically opposite to those Laws. For Example: A Wife, according to the Laws, ought to be subject to her Husband; but according to Custom, she has a Right to govern him.

Those who live most luxuriously, and consume the greatest Quantity of the Products of the Earth, are held in most Esteem in Europe; and only Husbandmen, and such as supply Materials for the Luxury of the Great, are treated with Contempt.

The great Number of Gibbets, Gallows’s, and Places of Execution, which are every where to be seen, shew the Europeans to be People of very bad Dispositions, and subject to many Kinds of Vices. There is a publick Executioner in every City. The English are an Exception to this Rule, amongst whom, I believe, there are no Executioners; for the People in that Country hang themselves.

One would suspect the Europeans to be Anthropophagi, or Men-Eaters; for it is a Custom amongst them to shut up a great Number of able-body’d Men in Cloisters, which they call Monasteries, for no other End, but that they may grow sleek and fat: And whilst they are kept in these Cells, they are utterly exempted from all Labour, and have nothing to do but to eat and drink.

The Europeans have a Custom of drinking Water every Morning, to moderate the Heat of their Stomachs; but before they are well grown cool by this Means, they go to work to warm them again, by swallowing down Draughts of fiery Liquors, which they call Drams.

The Religion of the Europeans is divided into two principal Sects, one of which are call’d Protestants, and the other Papists. The former worship one God only; but the latter adore several, for they have as many Gods and Goddesses, as there are Towns and Villages. All these Gods and Goddesses are made by the Roman Pontiff, or High-Priest. This Pontiff himself is made by Presbyters, commonly call’d Cardinals. Hence it appears how great the Power of these Cardinals must be, since they can make him who makes the Gods.

The ancient Inhabitants of Italy conquer’d the whole World, and were only subject to their Wives: But the modern ones tyrannize over their Wives, and are Slaves to all Mankind besides.

The Animals in Europe are divided into terrestrial and aquatick. There are some amphibious ones likewise, as Frogs, Dolphins, and Dutchmen. The last dwell in a marshy Soil, and live upon Land or Water indifferently.

The Europeans use much the same Food that we do; But a Spaniard will live upon Air.

Trade flourishes much in every Part of Europe, and many Commodities are sold there in which we never traffick: Thus, for Example, the Romish Church sells Heaven; the Swiss sell themselves; and in *** Crowns, Scepters, and the Royal Authority itself are set to Sale.

In Spain, Laziness is the Token of a Gentleman, and nothing is a greater Recommendation of Nobility than sleeping much. Those are call’d good Men and true Believers, who believe what they do not understand, and never think it worth their while to examine what they hear. Some have even been reckon’d Saints merely for their Slothfulness, their Want of Curiosity, and their neglecting to enquire into religious Matters. But those who are sollicitous about their own Salvation, and happen, through a diligent and accurate Enquiry, to dissent from any reigning Opinion, are said to be damn’d to all Eternity.

It is a prevailing Opinion in Europe, that future Happiness or Misery does not depend upon good Works, or the Exercise of Virtue and Religion, but upon the Place of a Man’s Nativity. For all agree, that if they had been born in another Place, or of other Parents, they should have been of a different Religion. Hence they in Reality condemn People not so much on Account of their Religion, as the Place, or other Circumstances of their Birth. But how this Opinion is reconcileable with the divine Justice or Goodness, I cannot comprehend.

Amongst the Men of Letters, those are most esteem’d, whose Business it is to invert the natural Order of Words, and render that obscure and perplex’d, which before was plain and easy. These are call’d Poets, and this Art of disjointing Words goes by the Name of Poetry. But Poetry does not consist in this Perversity of Stile only; because to deserve that Name, a Composition must likewise be extremely full of Lies. An ancient Poet, Homer by Name, is held in high Esteem, and almost Adoration, because he excell’d in both these Arts. Many have imitated him, but nobody ever yet came up to him, either in confounding the Order of Words, or perverting the Truth.

The Literati of Europe are very fond of buying Books, but in this Point they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do the Form and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of this, and know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes than their Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different Size and Letter, and with new Decorations; by which Means they make an infinite Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made a Trade of, and some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any Trader at all.

The Universities in Europe are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions, Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are set to Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in our Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in the European Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain, call’d Parnassus, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors. The next to these are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at somewhat a less Expence, and are therefore thought to be less learned. The Good-will which these Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is evident, from their thus rendring the Way to Learning smooth and easy. The Northern Seminaries were a little more rigid in this Respect, since the highest Honours are not there conferr’d without a previous Examination.

The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only one God, but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal Deities of the Learned are Apollo, Minerva, the Nine Muses, and others of an inferior Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are wont to invoke at such Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of Raving.

The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets, Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, &c.

A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows rich himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one Seneca, who, by this Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.

A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d with a divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts with Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.

The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to disturb the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in this Respect, that instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and fight with their Pens instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately for Letters and Syllables, as the others do for their Liberties and Properties. The Reason why they are kept up, I believe, is this, that the European Princes are afraid lest People in a Time of Peace should grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of somewhat like a War. Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to threaten Bloodshed, the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this Kind happen’d not long ago at Paris, as I was told. For a Dispute concerning the Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the Senate wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he lik’d best.

A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently enquires into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all Kinds, and who is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.

A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are conceal’d from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of Spirits and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are almost under his Nose.

Such is the State of Learning in Europe. I could say more upon this Head, but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points. The Reader will easily judge from hence, whether the Europeans are right or wrong, in thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.

It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in Europe, are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our Subterraneans are. For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages, among them, who teach others not only what they have learnt themselves, but even what they are utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous Task, to communicate clearly to others what we know ourselves, surely it is much more so to teach them what we are intirely ignorant of.

Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves, with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.

The Europeans apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over a hundred Volumes in a Day.

The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service; but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the Heart, but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that this Devotion seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon Externals, upon Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from the Dictates of the Heart.

Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or employ’d in any other manual Labour.

When I arriv’d in Italy, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind to try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would extend, I order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night: But he immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly turn’d me out of Doors,

In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though they have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *

Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d, and I would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a partial Writer, and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat a little abated, I began to form a more favourable Judgment of this Itinerary, as I saw that the Author, though he appear’d in many Places to be partial, and not to have had the best Regard to Truth, was not, however, mistaken in his Judgment, but had often hit the Nail, as we say, on the Head.

I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of Tomopoloko, and cherish the Error of the Quamites concerning my Origin; since I thought it more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary from the Sun, than for a Citizen of Europe.

Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick to my Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful Nations had enter’d into an Alliance to invade the Quamites. These were the Arctonians, the Kispucians, and the Alectorians. The Arctonians were a Nation of Bears, who were endued with Speech and Reason, and were reckon’d very fierce and warlike. The Kispucians were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and were in great Repute among the Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and Judgment: For this Reason they kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe, not so much by their superior Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems. The Alectorians fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means gave their Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with Bows and Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful Dexterity, and thereby did great Execution.

These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the Quamites, enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check the growing Power of the Quamites with their united Force, before it spread any further. However, before they declar’d War, they sent Embassadors to Quama, to demand that the Liberties of the Tanachites might be restor’d, and to threaten War, in case such Demands were not comply’d with.

The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the Tanachites having broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to impute the Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and Presumption; that the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to defend the Territories he had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly, that he was not to be aw’d by the Threats of the Confederate Nations. The Heralds were dismiss’d with this Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts towards making Preparations for the impending War. In a short Time I got together an Army of forty thousand Men, among which eight thousand Horse, and two thousand Musketeers. The Emperor, though he was grown decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be present in this Expedition, and was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory, that neither I myself, nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me in striving to overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose. What gave me the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the Tanachites; for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude, and lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy. Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had been proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand Tanachites had taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we should have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same Time.

All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month Kilian. As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that the Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the Tanachites, and laid Siege to the Castle of Sibol, which was situated on the Borders of the Kispucian Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a Force, and with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to surrender it. But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach, they broke up the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought upon a Plain, not far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from whence it was call’d the Battle of Sibol. The Arctonians, which compos’d the Enemies left Wing, falling upon our Horse, made great Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack was supported by the Rebel Tanachites, it was very near proving fatal to us. But the Musketeers going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the Enemy into Disorder by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the Battle was quite chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our Horse, and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves, began to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the Kispucians briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so much Art, and with such Success, that six hundred Quamites were, in a very little Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But the Horse, together with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance, the Enemy were oblig’d to save themselves by Flight; which they did, however, in so good Order, without once breaking their Ranks, that they might be rather said to yield than fly. This was owing to the Conduct of Monsonius, General of the Kispucians, who at that Time was thought to excel all the Subterranean Generals in the Art of War. The Alectorians yet remain’d, whom it was no easy Matter to subdue; for as oft as our Musketeers fir’d upon them, the Enemy sprung up all at once into the Air, and thence discharg’d a Shower of Arrows, which were so well aim’d, that few of them fell to the Ground without doing Execution. The Reason why these Arrows seldom miss’d their Aim, was because it is easier to hit an Object when you are above, than when you are below it. Our Men often miss’d their Mark, because the Enemy were so volatile, and perpetually Shifting Places. In the Midst of the Engagement, whilst the Emperor was in the very Heat of Action, his Neck was pierc’d through with a poison’d Arrow. He fell from his Horse immediately, and was carry’d out of the Battle to his Tent, where he expir’d soon after. In this ticklish Situation of Affairs, I thought it most advisable to injoin all such as had been Witnesses of this unhappy Accident, to keep it secret, lest the Ardour of the Soldiers should abate upon hearing the Emperor was dead. I bade them take Courage, and told them, that the King indeed was stunn’d with the sudden Stroke, but that the Arrow had not enter’d deep; that the Wound had been search’d, and taken due Care of; that every Thing would go well, and that they might expect to see their Emperor again very soon. By this Means most of the Army were kept in Ignorance of what had happen’d, and the Battle was prolong’d till Night. At length the Alectorians quite spent with Labour, and the Wounds they had receiv’d, retir’d into their Camp, and a Truce of a few Days Continuance was agreed upon, in order to bury the dead Bodies. In the mean Time, as I found that there was need of some other Stratagem to subdue the Alectorians, I order’d our Musket-Ball to be cast into small Shot. This Project was attended with so good Success, that at our next Encounter the Alectorians came tumbling down apace, and one Half of the Army perish’d in a miserable Manner: Those that were left seeing this, threw down their Arms, and begg’d for Peace. The Arctonians and Kispucians follow’d their Example, and committed themselves, their Arms, and Fortresses to our Mercy. Matters being thus brought to a happy Issue, I call’d a Council, and address’d them in the following Harangue.

“Gentlemen and Fellow-Soldiers, I do not doubt but most of you are well acquainted, how earnestly I dissuaded our most Serene Emperor from this Expedition; but his innate Fortitude and Magnanimity would not permit him to remain idle at home, while his faithful Subjects were exposing their Lives abroad in his Defence. I can truly say, that this is the only Request which his Imperial Majesty ever refus’d to grant me. How happy should I have thought myself had he refus’d me every Thing besides, and only been indulgent to me in this! For then we should not have known that Calamity that now hangs over us, our Return into the Imperial City would have been truly triumphant, and our Joys for our Success would have been pure and unmix’d. I cannot, nor indeed ought I, any longer conceal from you that fatal Accident which has thus dash’d all our Happiness. Attend then to the dreadful News: Your Emperor, while he was gallantly fighting for his Subjects, was pierc’d by an Arrow in the Battle, and now lies breathless in his Tent. What Grief, what Anguish must not the Loss of such a Prince occasion? I can easily make a Judgment of your Sorrows from what I feel myself. But let us not give Way to Despondency: Death, to such a Hero, is not the End of Life, but only the Period of Mortality. We have not wholly lost our Emperor, since he has left two Princes behind, form’d after the Example of the best of Parents, and who inherit their Father’s Virtues, as well as his Dominions. You cannot, therefore, be so properly said to change your King, as the bare Name of King. And since the eldest Prince, Timuso, is by Right of Primogeniture to be promoted to his Father’s Throne, I shall henceforth derive my Authority from him. He it is to whom we ought to swear Allegiance, and to whom we will now pay Homage.”

CHAP. XIV.

The Author is elevated to the Imperial Dignity.

AT the Conclusion of this Harangue, the Soldiery lifted up their Voice and cry’d, We will have no Emperor but Pikilsu. I was all Astonishment at this, and with a Flood of Tears besought them to consider better, to remember the Allegiance they ow’d to the Imperial House, and the publick as well as private Benefits they had receiv’d from the departed Monarch, which it was not possible to forget, without bringing an indelible Stain upon their Character. To this I added, that if ever they had Occasion to command my Services, I could be of equal Use to them in a private Capacity. But all this signify’d nothing. The Officers and Soldiers join in the common Cry, and the whole Camp resounded with the before-mention’d Acclamation. Upon this, I retir’d to my Tent in Confusion, and order’d the Guards to give Entrance to none: Because, probably, the Soldiers might return to Reason, when this sudden Fit of Zeal should cool. But the Generals and common Soldiers burst into my Tent, and in spight of all my Reluctance, adorn’d me with the Ensigns of Royalty, and conducting me out of the Tent with Trumpets and Drums, proclaim’d me Emperor of Quama, King of Tanachin, Arctonia, Alectoria, and Great Duke of the Kispucians. Seeing then how vain was all Resistance, I no longer struggled with my Fortune, but follow’d the Torrent; and I must own, that I was not altogether unwilling to be rais’d to this Elevation; for an Empire, with three Kingdoms, and a Great Dutchy, was too delicious a Morsel to be ey’d with Indifference. I immediately sent to the Prince, to acquaint him with the present Situation of Affairs, and to advise him to insist strenuously upon his natural and hereditary Rights, and to declare this new Election void, as being contrary to the Laws of the Realm. But at the same Time I had resolv’d with myself not to relinquish in Haste an Empire thus spontaneously offer’d me; so that this Advice of mine to his Highness the Prince was rather to feel his Pulse upon this Occasion. The Prince had an admirable Understanding, and a very solid Judgment; and as he well knew the Doubles and Disguises of the human Heart, and that this Modesty of mine was only put on to serve a Turn, he wisely yielded to the Necessity of the Times, and after the Example of the Army, he himself proclaim’d me Emperor in the Capital City, to which I was soon after led in Triumph, attended by the Generals and Officers of the Army, in the midst of the Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. In a few Days after this, I was solemnly crown’d, and invested with the Regal Authority. Being thus metamorphos’d from a miserable Shipwreck’d Sailor into a Monarch, that I might strengthen my Interest with the Quamites, who I perceiv’d had still a great Veneration for the Royal Race of Quama, I espous’d the Daughter of the deceas’d Emperor, whose Name was Ralac.

Having perform’d these great Things, I projected new Schemes, to raise the Empire to a Height that should make it formidable to the whole subterranean World. My first Care was to assure myself of the Duty and Allegiance of the lately conquer’d Nations. To this End I garison’d all their Citadels and fortify’d Places in the strongest Manner, treated the Conquer’d with the utmost Humanity, and advanc’d some of them to very great Offices in the Capital. In particular the Captive Generals, Tomopoloko and Monsonius, had the highest Share in my Favour, a Circumstance that rais’d the Envy of the Quamites, tho’ they suppress’d their Dissatisfaction for the present; but in Time the Spark, which had long lain concealed under the Ashes, burst into an open Flame, as shall be related in its proper Place. To return to my domestick Affairs: The liberal Sciences, and the Art of War, I labour’d to bring to the highest Perfection: And as this Country abounded with very deep Woods, which could furnish Plenty of Timber for the building a Fleet after the Manner of the Europeans, I pursued this Point with such unweary’d Ardour, that tho’ in Reality I had a thousand other Affairs to perplex me, it seem’d as if my whole Thoughts were directed to this one View. The Kispucians were of great Service to me in this Case; they had a tolerable Knowledge of maritime Affairs, and their General Monsonius I appointed Lord High Admiral of the Fleet.

And now the Timber is felling, the Instruments for working it preparing, and with such Vehemence I apply myself to the Business, that in sixty Days from the first falling of the Wood, a Fleet of twenty Ships now rides at Anchor in the Harbour. All this corresponding exactly with my Wishes, I look’d upon myself as the Alexander of the subterranean World, and that below I was the Author of as great Revolutions as he was above. The Lust of Power is infinite, and never finds the Point to stop at. Some few Years since, the Office of a Deacon, or that of a Writer, or Clerk, was the Height of my Ambition, nor did I aspire to any thing greater; and now four or five Kingdoms seem too narrow for me: So that with Respect to my Desires, which rise in Proportion to our Wealth and Power, I never found myself more indigent than now.

Having made myself acquainted, from the Accounts and Informations of the Kispucian Mariners, with the Nature of the Seas, and the Situation of the Kingdoms on the Coasts, and understanding that it was very practicable with a fair Wind to make the Mezendoric Shore in eight Days Sail, from whence it would be but a short Trip to Martinia, and that over a well-known Ocean; I say, being acquainted with all this, I made Preparation for the Voyage. Indeed, Martinia was the principal Object of my Designs. I was spurr’d on by the immense Wealth of that Nation, and the Informations I should gain from a People of their Knowledge in maritime Affairs, since the Lights I might receive from them would be very useful to me in the Course of all my great Undertakings. There was also another Incentive, namely, a Thirst of Revenge, which prompted me to subdue this Nation. I took the Elder of the two Royal Princes along with me as an Associate in this Expedition, pretending that a fine Occasion offer’d itself to his Highness of exercising his Bravery and martial Virtues. But the true Meaning of this was, that I might keep him as a Hostage or Pledge of the Fidelity of the Quamites. The younger Prince indeed remain’d at Home, but the Regency of the Empire I committed to the Empress, who was then big with Child. The whole Fleet consisted of twenty Ships, great and small; and were all built after the Martinian Model, by the Direction and Superintendency of Monsonius the Kispucian General, to whom the sole Management of the Navy was intrusted, and who had made Draughts and Designs of them with his own Hand. For the Martinians were among the Subterraneans what the Tyrians and Sidonians were in antient Days, or what the English and Dutch are in our Times, that is, Sovereigns of the Seas. Yet, when we arriv’d at Martinia, I perceiv’d that in the Built of our Ships we had widely err’d from their Model.

We set sail about that Time of Year when the Planet Nazar was at its mean Distance from us. Having sail’d three Days, we spy’d a large Island, the Conquest of which would be no difficult Matter, by Reason of the Feuds and Factions into which the Inhabitants were split; but (what is remarkable) as they were destitute of Arms, and were ignorant of the Use of them, they fought only with their Tongues, and gave all the hard Names, Curses, and foul Language they could invent. This was all we had to fear. The only Punishment that in this Country was inflicted upon Offenders, was that they were taken up and imprison’d, and upon full Proof of the Crime were openly brought into the Forum, there to hear themselves revil’d in the bitterest Manner. Certain People were appointed for this very Purpose, call’d Sabuti, that is, Revilers, and are there look’d upon in the same Light, as an Executioner amongst us. As to the Make of their Body, they differ’d only from us in one or two Circumstances, which was, that the Women had Beards and the Men none; the Feet also of them all were turn’d backwards. After we had made a Descent upon this Island, about three hundred Canaliscans, (so the Islanders were call’d) met us. They attack’d us in a hostile Manner with their usual Weapons, that is to say, with a Volley of Curses and hard Names. With such exquisite Malice, and in such a diabolical Spirit of Bitterness, their foul Language was conceiv’d and utter’d, (as we were inform’d by an Alectorian Interpreter of the Canaliscan Tongue) that they shew’d themselves perfect Masters of their Weapons, and not inferior to the Grammarians of our World. However, knowing that Rage alone was insignificant without Power, I forbid any Violence to be offer’d to them, but only to spread Terror among them. I order’d some Guns to be fir’d, which had this Effect, that they fell upon their Knees, and implor’d Mercy. Presently the several little Kings of the Island came down, and made a formal Surrender of themselves and Subjects, putting their whole Dominions under Tribute to me, making me at the same Time a Compliment, that it was no Dishonour to be subdued by him, whom it was Impiety to resist, nor any Disgrace to submit to him, whom Fortune had rais’d above all the World. Thus this Island, (the Conquest of which added something to my Power, tho’ little to my Glory, by Reason of the Effeminacy of the Inhabitants) becoming tributary to me, we hoisted Sail, and after a fair Voyage of some few Days, arriv’d at the Mezendoric Coast. I then call’d a Council of War, to enquire what was best to be done, whether it were adviseable immediately to act in a hostile Manner, or to send an Embassy to the Emperor, to know if he would make a peaceable Surrender, or whether we must come to an open Rupture. The Majority were for the latter. Wherefore five Persons were commission’d for this Embassy, one of each Nation, a Quamite, an Arctonian, an Alectorian, a Tanachite, and a Kispucian. Being introduced into the Capital, they were ask’d by the chief Magistrate, in the Name of the Emperor, the Meaning of this unexpected Visit to the Mezendoric Dominions? The Deputies reply’d, that it was not by Accident, but by Design they came there, and forthwith they produced their Credentials, and a Letter from me to the Emperor, the Tenour of which was as follows:

“Nicolas Klimius, Embassador of the Sun, Emperor of Quama, King of Tanachin, Arctonia, and Alectoria, Great Duke of the Kispucians, and Lord of Canalisca, to Miklopolatu, Emperor of Mezendoria, Greeting. Be it known unto thee, that by the immutable Council of Heaven, it is ordain’d, that all the Empires and Kingdoms of the World submit to the Quamitic Sovereignty. And since the Decrees of Heaven are irrevocable, it is necessary your Empire should undergo the common Destiny of all. We exhort you therefore to a voluntary Surrender, and cordially admonish you not to subject your Realms to the Chance of War, by a rash Opposition to our victorious Arms. A timely Obedience may save the Effusion of innocent Blood, and mend your own Condition. Given aboard our Fleet, the 3d Day of the Month Rimat.”

In a few Days the Embassadors return’d with a fierce and haughty Answer. Hereupon all Prospect of Peace disappearing, we made a Descent. Having rang’d our Troops in order of Battle, we sent out Spies to explore the Condition of the Enemy. They soon return’d with News, that the Enemy’s Army was in Readiness, that it consisted of Lions, Bears, Tigers, Elephants, and Birds of Prey, to the Number of sixty Thousand. Hereupon we posted ourselves on an advantageous Piece of Ground, and waited their Coming. All things being now in Readiness, and the Signal of Battle being given, suddenly there came four Embassadors, all Foxes, from the Enemy, to renew the Negotiations, and treat of a Peace. But having spent some Days in Conferences with our Generals, they departed without coming to any Conclusion. It appear’d afterwards that these were Spies, rather than Embassadors, sent for no other End but to explore the State and Condition of out Army. They pretended indeed that they would soon return with more ample Powers: But as we quickly perceiv’d the whole Body of the Enemy marching briskly towards us, we hoisted our Colours, and marched to meet them. An obstinate Fight ensued. For tho’ our Musketeers made a furious Slaughter among them, yet the Elephants every where kept their Rank, the Hardness of their Hide being Proof against our Ball. But as soon as our heavy Artillery began to thunder upon them, and the Elephants perceiv’d the horrible Effects of it, they were seiz’d with a Panic, and left the Field. In this Battle thirty-three thousand Mezendorians were slain, and twenty thousand taken Prisoners. Those who escap’d, fled to the Metropolis, a City very well fortify’d, and fill’d the Inhabitants with Terror and Consternation. We push’d our Victory, and in three Days March, came to the Capital, which we besieg’d by Sea and Land. At our Approach, we were saluted by a new Embassy, which brought much softer Terms of Peace. In this the Emperor offer’d me his Daughter in Marriage, who was esteem’d the most beautiful Lioness throughout the whole Dominions, together with Half his Empire in Dower with her. These Conditions were by no Means agreeable to me, especially with Respect to the Nuptials of his Daughter; for it seem’d to me neither safe nor honourable to divorce my Empress to marry a Lioness. Hereupon the Embassadors were dismiss’d without any Answer. Presently our great Guns began to play against the City-Walls, which tho’ compos’d of Stone, were soon torn and shatter’d in many Places. And as this City was full of Animals of all Species, it was strange to hear the Variety of Noises upon this Occasion, such as Roaring, Howling, Bellowing, Braying, Bleating and Hissing. The Serpents retir’d into the Clefts and Fissures of the Earth: The Birds hover’d in the Air, and seeing the City so fiercely assaulted, fled off to the Rocks and open Country. The Trees trembled and drop’d their Leaves all over the City. We heard that twenty Maids of Honour, (these were Roses and Lilies) upon the first Discharge of our Cannon shrunk up, and wither’d away through Fear. Such a prodigious Concourse of Animals of all Kinds, as well those of the City, as those from the Neighbourhood, miserably straiten’d each other; and that very Assistance, which was so necessary, was the Cause of Diseases and Infection. The Elephants stood the Siege better than the rest; but upon the Discharge of the great Guns, they abandon’d the Walls. Hereupon the Emperor, despairing to hold out much longer, summon’d a Council to deliberate upon the present Posture of Affairs. They were all unanimous for a Peace upon any Terms; and therefore without Delay his Imperial Highness made a formal Surrender of himself, with all his Territories. Thus in one Day my Power was increas’d by the Addition of an Empire, together with nine or ten lesser Realms or Principalities; for immediately all the petty Sovereignties follow’d the Example of the Emperor, and strove who should be foremost in their Submissions.

After such marvellous Success, having first plac’d a Garison of six hundred Musketeers in the Capital, I order’d the captive Emperor to be conducted aboard our Fleet. I treated him with the most perfect Humanity, and upon our Return some time after to Quama, I gave him an intire Province, the Revenues of which enabled the Royal Prisoner to live with a good Degree of Splendor.

We now set Sail from this Place, and coasted along the Mezendoric Shores. In this Voyage we demanded Hostages of all the several States and Governments subject to the Emperor Miklopolatu, so that in a small Time the very Mezendoric Name and Empire were in a manner extinguish’d. These People were for the most Part the same of which I have formerly given some Account in my Description of my Voyage from Martinia. Leaving therefore the Mezendoric Territories, we steer’d directly for Martinia, which, after a prosperous, tho’ long Voyage, we happily arriv’d at. Never was the Sight of any Country so highly grateful to me as this; and when I reflected, that in Times past I had been condemn’d to the Oar in this very Place, to which I now return’d as a puissant Conqueror, I was hardly able to conceal the Transport of Joy I felt. I had at first resolv’d to declare myself, in order to spread the greater Terror among the Martinians: But I chang’d that Resolution, and determin’d to cherish the old Error concerning my Birth, and still to pass for an Embassador of the Sun.

I flatter’d myself, that in a short time, and with a very little Trouble, I should be able to make a compleat Conquest of the Martinians, whose Effeminacy I was well acquainted with. For this People have a strong Propensity to Pleasure, and are hurry’d on to all vicious Excesses, not only through a natural Bent, but from that Affluence and Abundance, which both Sea and Land conspire to indulge them in. However, I found by Experience, that I had an arduous Enterprize upon my Hands: For by means of that vast Commerce carry’d on by these People, they had amass’d such endless Riches, as enabled them to have always at their Devotion the choicest of the most warlike Troops among the neighbouring Nations, who stood ready at their Nod to fight their Battles for them. Add to this, that the Martinians were eminent for their Skill in maritime Affairs beyond all the Subterraneans, and our Vessels were in Comparison of theirs extremely rude, and very slow of Motion. For it is easy to judge what sort of Ships ours must be, which were run up in Haste under the Direction and Supervision of a Bachelor of Philosophy, as also what a Censure they would undergo, were they to be submitted to the Criticism of the Dutch, English, or Danes. But this Defect my Artillery aton’d for; a Method of Fighting hitherto unknown to the Martinians.

Before I attempted any Thing in a hostile Manner, I sent an Embassy to the Senate with the same Tenders of Peace, which I had lately offer’d the Emperor of Mezendoria. But while we waited for an Answer, all on a Sudden we beheld a Fleet of Ships coming full Sail upon us, in order of Battle. At Sight hereof, we rang’d our Vessels in as much order on our Side, as the Hurry would permit, and immediately gave out the Signal for Engagement. The Battle was fought with equal Bravery and Ardor on both Sides. The Martinians instead of Guns, made use of a Machine, which flung Stones of an enormous Size and Weight, and which grievously gall’d our Sailors. They had also Fire-ships loaded with Pitch, Brimstone, Sulphur, and other combustible Materials. These set Fire to our best Ship, and utterly consum’d it. Victory was a long Time in Suspence, and my Forces even began to deliberate whether they had best fight, or fly. But at last, the Explosion of the great Guns chang’d the Face of Things, and so sunk the Courage of the Martinians, that they retir’d precipitately into their Harbour. Yet we took not one of the Enemy’s Ships, because, as they were light Sailors, they could at any Time escape from us. After this Fight, we landed our Forces, and with all Speed made directly towards the Metropolis of Martinia. In our March we met our own Embassadors returning from the Senate, by whom they had been receiv’d in a proud and lofty Manner, and dismiss’d with much such a Message as Neptune gave to the Winds.

Maturate fugam, Regique hæc dicite vestro;

Non illi imperium Pelagi; sævumq; tridentem,

Nobis sorte datum: tenet ille immania saxa.

For the Martinians claiming the Sovereignty of the Seas, receiv’d my Offers with all imaginable Disdain.

And now they levy’d a vast Body of Forces, for besides the mercenary Troops, the whole military Power of Martinia took the Field upon this Occasion. We had not march’d far before we espy’d a numerous Army, compos’d of different Nations, advancing directly against us. This Confidence and Presumption of the Enemy, notwithstanding their late Defeat at Sea, occasioned a good deal of Uneasiness on our Side. But all this was but a Meteor which suddenly appears, and as suddenly vanishes: For at the very first Discharge of our Artillery, they all turn’d their Backs, and fled. We pursued the flying Foe, and made a prodigious Slaughter of them. What the Number of the Slain were, appear’d from that of the Perriwigs, which we collected after the Action, and which upon a moderate Computation amounted to the Number of five Thousand. The Make of these Perriwigs was pretty much alter’d since my Time, and I observ’d above twenty different Fashions of them; nor is that at all strange; for so ingenious a Nation would give a thousand Improvements to any Invention whatever.

After this successful Battle, or rather Carnage, we immediately set about the Siege of the Capital. But, when we had prepared every Thing for the Enterprize, and dispos’d our Cannon in proper Order, the whole Body of Senators came in a suppliant Manner to our Camp, and made a voluntary Surrender of the City, together with the whole Republick. Hereupon, Peace being declar’d, we enter’d in Triumph into this most splendid City. Upon our Entrance into the Gates, there was not that Tumult and Hurry, as is generally observable in conquer’d Towns, but a sorrowful Silence, and an universal Sadness every where prevail’d. But when we declar’d that we would not do the least Injury to the Citizens, their Sadness was chang’d into Joy. The first Thing I did, was to make a Visit to the publick Treasury. I was beyond Measure astonish’d at the immense Stores of Riches deposited there; great Part of which I distributed among my Soldiers, reserving the rest for my own Finances. I left a Garison at Martinia, and took several of the Senators aboard the Fleet, by way of Hostages. Among these, was my old Friend the Syndic, together with his Wife, who had falsly accused me of the Crime for which I was condemned to the Gallies. Yet I entertain’d no Thoughts of Vengeance, as thinking it beneath an Emperor of Quama to resent an Injury done to a Chairman.

After this compleat Conquest of the Martinians, I resolv’d to reduce the several neighbouring Powers. But while I was upon the Point of executing this Design, the Embassadors of four different Realms arriv’d, and made their Submissions. I had already so many States and Kingdoms under my Dominion, that I did not so much as give myself the Trouble to enquire the Names of these four surrender’d Territories, but was contented to comprehend them under the general Name of the Martinian Provinces.

CHAP. XV.

The Catastrophe.

HAVING perform’d such an amazing Series of Exploits, and our Fleet being considerably augmented, by the Addition of the Martinian Ships, we now hoisted Sail, and return’d to Quama, where, upon our Arrival, we triumph’d with more than Roman Magnificence. And, in good Truth, the noble Deeds we had atchiev’d, deserv’d the highest Pomp of Festivals and publick Rejoicings. For what can be conceiv’d more heroic, than to transform a Nation the most abject, and the most expos’d to the Insults of their Neighbours, into the Lords and Sovereigns of the whole Subterranean Globe? What can be conceiv’d more glorious, or more for my Honour, as a Man, whose Fate it happen’d to be to live among so many heterogeneous Creatures, what, I say, could redound more to my Glory, than to have asserted that Dominion which Nature gave Mankind over the Animal Creation? A Description of the Splendor of this Triumph, the Crowds, and the Applauses of Men of all Ranks and Ages, would of itself make a regular Volume, and therefore I shall not attempt it in this short Account. I shall only observe, that from this Time a new Æra appears in History, and there may now be reckon’d five Monarchies, namely, the Assyrian, the Persian, the Grecian, the Roman, and the Quamitic, the last of which seems to surpass the rest in Power and Grandeur. And accordingly I accepted the Title of Koblu, or Great, which was offer’d me, as well by the Quamites, as by the other vanquish’d Nations. There is, I confess, something excessively vain and arrogant in the Name Great: But yet, when you compare me with the Cyrus’s, the Alexanders, the Pompeys, and the Cæsars, the Title then seems perfectly humble and modest. Alexander indeed enslav’d the East, but with what Forces? with hardy veteran Troops inur’d to War; for such were the Macedonians in the Time of his Father Philip. But I, in a shorter Space of Time, subdued far more and fiercer Nations than the Persians, and that by the Help only of a rude and barbarous People, whom I myself had form’d and instructed. The Titles I now us’d were these; Nicolas the Great, Emperor of Quama and Mezendoria, King of Tanachin, Alectoria and Arctouia, Great Duke of Kispucia, Lord of Martinia and Canalisca, &c. &c.

Ingens jam stabat Regnum, poteramque videri

Exilio felix: sed scilicet ultima semper

Expectanda dies homini, dicique beatus

Ante obitum nemo supremaque funera debet.

Being thus lifted up to a Point of Power and Success, beyond even the Wishes of a mortal Man, the same Thing happen’d to me, as to almost all those who rise to Greatness from a sordid Original. For unmindful of my former State, I grew intolerably vain and haughty, and instead of all those winning Ways, which artful Princes use to procure the popular Esteem, I became a hot and cruel Persecutor of all Orders of Men, despising as very Slaves those Subjects, whom before I had courted to my Interest with all imaginable Affability, insomuch, that none had Access to my Person, without a Ceremony, almost like that of Adoration, and when they were admitted, were receiv’d with a most disdainful Air: All which alienated the Minds of the People from me, and chang’d their Love into Coldness and Terror. This Disposition of my Subjects I soon experienced, and particularly upon the following Occasion. The Empress, my Spouse, whom I had left big with Child, was in my Absence brought to Bed of a young Prince. Intending to acknowledge this Prince for my Successor, I assembled the several States of my Empire, as, well those of the conquer’d Kingdoms, as those of Quama, to the solemn Inauguration of the Infant. As none dar’d disobey my Orders, the Ceremony was perform’d with all possible Pomp and Grandeur. But it was easy to perceive in the Visages of my Subjects, that all the Joy upon this Occasion was forc’d, unnatural, and mix’d with hidden Discontent. What help’d to confirm my Jealousy, was, that at this Time certain Libels or Pasquinades, written by anonymous Authors, were handed about, in which the Injury done to Prince Timuso by this Inauguration, was set forth with much Satyr and Acrimony. This created such Disorders in my Spirits, that I could take no Rest till I had got rid of that best of Princes. However, I thought it by no means adviseable to dispatch this illustrious Rival in an arbitrary Manner, and therefore I suborn’d certain Witnesses to accuse him of High Treason. As Sovereigns never want for Ministers of Darkness to serve their criminal Purposes, I quickly found out proper Persons to swear that the Prince was projecting a Revolution, and had a Design against my Life. Upon this he was thrown into Prison, and condemn’d by his Judges, the Majority of whom I had corrupted. However, he was executed privately, for fear of raising Disturbances.

As to the second Prince, because he was very young, I defer’d sacrificing him to my Repose yet a while; so that the Weakness of his Age was his Protection. Thus stain’d with the Parricide of his Brother, I began now to rule with so much Cruelty and Rigour, and carry’d my Rage to such a Height, that all Persons, whose Fidelity I suspected, whether Quamites, or others, I deliver’d over to immediate Death. Not a Day pass’d, but was remarkable for some extraordinary Execution, which hastened the Rebellion, which the Nobles had been for a considerable Time projecting; as will be related in its proper Place.

I own I deserv’d all those Misfortunes, which I afterwards experienc’d. It had doubtless been more glorious, and more worthy of a Christian Monarch, to have guided a gross and barbarous People to the Knowledge of the true God, rather than to have proceeded from Conquest to Conquest, and to have shed such Torrents of innocent Blood. And, indeed, it had been easy for me to have converted the whole Empire; for there was a Time when all my Determinations were revered like Oracles. But unmindful of God, and of myself, I dream’d of nothing but the vain Splendor of a Court, and the Increase of my Power. Moreover, being now given up to a deprav’d and reprobate Mind, I chose to aggravate and inflame these Discontents, rather than remove them, as if the Offences of my Injustice were to be rectify’d by my Cruelty. To all the Remonstrances of my Friends I still urg’d,

Necessity, the Tyrant’s hellish Plea.

So that Misfortune on Misfortune came thick upon me, and I fell into such Disgrace and Wretchedness, that from my Example, all Mortals may learn what a Vicissitude there is in human Affairs, and how short is the Duration of arbitrary Power and Violence.

My Subjects Aversion increas’d with the Severity of my Government, and when they perceiv’d that the Vices, to which I abandon’d myself, but ill agreed with that divine Original I boasted, and were utterly irreconcilable with my Character, as Embassador of the Sun, they began to examine every thing with more Attention, particularly the Circumstance of my Arrival into these Parts, and the Condition I was in when I landed upon their Coast. They now saw, that all the great Things I had done, were owing more to the Savageness of the Quamites, than to any extraordinary Abilities of my own, especially as they found, after that Mist of Ignorance was dispell’d, that I had actually committed many Errors in the Course of my Government. Above all my Conduct was highly censur’d by the Kispucians, a judicious and penetrating People. They had observ’d in my publick Edict a Multitude of Things so crude and indigested, as betray’d the grossest Ignorance in Politicks. Nor was the Censure unjust: For as my academical Tutors and Instructors never dream’d of Crowns and Scepters for me, they gave me an Education more adapted to a private Station, than that of a Sovereign; and my Studies, which extended no farther than to some little System of Divinity, and a few metaphysical Terms, were by no Means equal to my present Elevation, where I had the Charge of two Empires, and almost twenty Kingdoms upon my Hands. The Martinians had also remark’d, that the Ships of War I had built, were so rude and clumsy, that in an Engagement they were of no manner of use against a regular and well appointed Fleet, and that all my naval Glory was to be ascrib’d solely to the Invention of Cannon. All these cutting Remarks they industriously dispers’d, and at the same Time call’d to Remembrance the Manner of my first Appearance in this Country, namely, how I had escap’d from a Shipwreck, and being ready to perish with Hunger, was taken up by the Inhabitants all in tatter’d Garments, an Equipage surely very unsuitable to an Embassador of the Sun. Add to this, that these same Martinians, being excellent natural Philosophers, had now given the Quamites a Tincture of Astronomy, enough to know that the Sun was an inanimate Body, plac’d in the Centre of the Heavens by the Almighty, to give Light and Heat to all Creatures, and that as it was a Globe of Fire, it could of Consequence be no proper Habitation for a mortal Man.

With these and other such unlucky Discourses, was I from Day to Day distracted. But they were mere Murmurs; since nobody through fear of my Power dar’d talk thus with any Degree of Openness. And in Reality, I was a long Time ignorant that the Malevolence of my Subjects had rose to such a Pitch, as to question my Condition, till at length I was convinc’d of it by a Book compos’d in the Canaliscan Tongue, and publish’d with this Title, The happy Shipwreck. For I observ’d before, that the Canaliscans were perfect Artists at Satyr and Reproaches, which were all the Weapons they wag’d War with. The Book in Question comprehended all those Accusations, of which I have just now given a Detail, and was wrote in a Stile the most severe and sarcastical, that can well be imagin’d, according to the Genius of the Canaliscans, who excel in this Manner of Writing.

But such was the Weakness of my Mind at this Juncture, such my vain Presumption and Confidence of my own Power, that no Advices or Remonstrances whatever could make me change my Conduct, or bring me to my Senses. The most wholesome Counsels instead of checking, contributed only to inflame my Cruelty. Wherefore those whom I had most Reason to suspect, I put to the Torture to discover the Author of this Libel. But all endur’d their Torture with an astonishing Firmness, insomuch, that this Cruelty produced no other Effect, than to irritate the Spirits of my People still more against me. Thus my Fate would have it, and I run headlong to my Destruction.

In this State of Affairs I determin’d to sacrifice the surviving Prince Hicoba. I open’d my Design to the High Chancellor Kalac, in whom I plac’d great Confidence. He promised me all Obedience and Assistance, and strait withdrew on Pretence of contriving the Means of putting this Scheme in Execution. But detesting the Villany in his Heart, he discover’d the Plot to the Prince. Both of them retir’d into the Citadel, which was well fortify’d and there the Chancellor harangu’d the Guards, and in the most pathetick Manner laid open their present Condition. His Discourse, together with the Tears of the young Prince which added considerable Weight to it, produc’d the desir’d Effect. The Soldiers run to their Arms, and vow’d they would die to save their Prince. Upon this the dexterous Chancellor did not give their Ardour Time to cool, but persuaded them immediately to swear Allegiance to their Prince, and then out of hand sent private Messengers to those whom he knew to be exasperated against me, exhorting them to take Arms against a Tyrant, who attempted the Extinction of the whole Royal Progeny. Upon this all the Disaffected rose and join’d with the Garison. While I was expecting the Return of the Chancellor, a Messenger brought me the News of this grand Insurrection. My Friend Tomopoloko advis’d me by all Means to retreat to Tanachin. There, says he, we can quickly raise an Army, and bring these Mutineers to Reason. These Words produc’d in me various Agitations of Mind, and Hope and Fear alternately govern’d me each Moment. At length in Compliance with his Admonition I fled from Quama, and that with little or no Difficulty, as the Bulk of the Quamites were yet unacquainted with the Reasons of this Sedition. Soon after this, I return’d with an Army of forty thousand Soldiers, the greatest Part of which were Tanachites, expecting a considerable Augmentation from such Quamites as continued in their Duty. But I deceiv’d myself egregiously: For instead of those Auxiliaries I flatter’d myself with, I met a Herald who brought me Letters from the Prince, to acquaint me, that War was declar’d against me as an Usurper and Invader, and that my Wife and Son were Prisoners of State. Soon after the Departure of the Herald, I beheld the Quamitic Army advancing with my young Rival at their Head. As they had a fine Artillery, I would not run the Risque of an Engagement, till I was reinforc’d with fresh Troops: Therefore I made a Stop, and entrench’d myself in the best Manner I could. But when I perceiv’d that my own Soldiers deserted to the Enemy, who besides expected hourly new Supplies, I took Advice of my General Officers, and resolv’d to engage directly; nor did Tomopoloko oppose this Resolution. We fought upon the same Plain, where some Years ago in a decisive Battle the Tanachites were entirely routed. The Enemy’s Cannon now threw our Ranks into great Disorder, and it griev’d me to the Soul to be baffled by my own Invention, and be conquer’d by those very Arms I myself had devis’d. For a while however my Soldiers sustained the Attack of the rebellious Army, till a Ball took off Tomopoloko. Then every one lost his Courage, and we all turn’d our Backs and fled to the Woods and Mountains. I, for my Part, climb’d to the Top of a Rock, from whence I descended into the Valley on the other Side. There I paus’d a while to curse my Fate, or rather my Folly, and to pour out my Soul in Tears and Sighs. But, alas! it was all too late. So great was the Disorder of my Spirits, that I forgot to throw off my Diadem, which was the very thing that in all likelihood must have discover’d me. After I had sat trembling for half an Hour in that Valley, I heard the Voices of some Persons climbing the Rock, and roaring out Vengeance against me if they found me. I then look’d all round me for a Place to conceal myself in. There was hard by a deep Wood overgrown with Trees and Bushes. I presently enter’d into it, and having pick’d out something like a Path, I walk’d on till I came to a Cave. Here I stopp’d some Moments to take Breath. By and by I crept into the Cave, like a Serpent, upon my Belly, and as I perceiv’d it to be very deep and shelving, yet of easy Descent, I resolv’d to penetrate to the Bottom of it. But I had scarce walk’d a Quarter of a Mile, when all on a Sudden I tumbled down, and as if Thunder drove me, was hurry’d headlong through the thickest Darkness, till at last a faint glimmering Light dawn’d in upon me. With the Increase of that Light the Force of my Motion was proportionably diminish’d, so that by little and little, and in the gentlest Manner, like a Person rising out of the Water, I found myself among some Mountains, which to my unutterable Amazement, I observ’d to be the very same from whence some Years ago I was hurry’d down into the subterranean World. The Reason of that Abatement of my Motion, I found after some Reflection to be owing to the Quality of our Atmosphere, which is much denser, and consequently resists more than the subterranean Atmosphere. Unless it were so, the same Thing would have happen’d to me in my Ascent, as in my Descent, and in all likelihood I must then have been carry’d aloft through the Air as far as the Region of the Moon. Yet I submit this Hypothesis to the maturer Examination of Philosophers.

CHAP. XVI.

The Author’s Return into his own Country.

I   Lay for a considerable Time among the Mountains, almost destitute of Sense. For my late violent Motion, together with that strange Metamorphosis from a Founder of a fifth Monarchy, into a famish’d Bachelor of Arts, had occasion’d very great Disorders in my Brain. And, in Truth, my Adventure was so singular and so poetical, that it might well shock the Frame of the soundest Head. In this Condition I began to ask myself, whether what I saw was a Reality, or whether it was not some visionary Deception. But my Distraction abating, and returning by Degrees to my Senses, my Astonishment gave Place to Grief and Indignation. And, indeed, turn over the Annals of remote Antiquity, as well as those of modern Date, and you will not be able to find a parallel Adventure with mine, unless perhaps in the Case of Nebuchadnezzar, who from the greatest Monarch in the World, was transform’d into a wild Creature, and liv’d like one of the Beasts of the Field. Much the same Freaks of Fortune I experienc’d. For in a few Hours two mighty Empires were wrested from me, together with almost twenty Kingdoms, the Shadows and faint Images of which now only remain’d. Lately I was a Monarch; and now the Utmost of my Hopes was to procure the Mastership of some little School for my Subsistence. Lately I was call’d the Embassador of the Sun; and now I fear’d Necessity would drive me to become the Servant of some Bishop or Dean. But a few Days ago Glory, Hope, Victory and Success attended my Steps; and now Care and Misery, Tears and Lamentations are all my Companions. In short, I resembled those Summer Herbs, which suddenly spring up, and as suddenly die away; and to say all in one Word, Sorrow, Rage, Anxiety, Disappointment, and Despair, rais’d such a Conflict in my Breast, that sometimes I resolv’d to end my Being with my Sword, sometimes I determin’d to plunge again into the Cavern to try if I could not succeed better in a second Expedition. But a Regard for my immortal Soul, and the Principles of the Christian Religion, restrained me from these mad Attempts.

I now endeavour’d to descend the Mountain by that narrow Path which leads to Sandwic. But my Imagination was so disturb’d, that I stumbled almost every Step I took: For the whole Powers of my Mind were taken up in contemplating upon the fifth Monarchy. This Idea so constantly haunted me, that it almost unhing’d my Understanding. And indeed the Loss of so much Dignity and Power, could never be recompenc’d by any Advantages which my own Country could bestow. For suppose they should make me Governor of Bergen, or what is more, Lord-Lieutenant of Norwey, yet, alas! what Compensation, what Comfort would this be to the Monarch and Founder of so many Empires and Kingdoms? However, I resolv’d not to refuse a Thing of that Kind, in case it should be offer’d me.

After I had got half way down the Hill, I saw at a little Distance some Children, to whom I beckon’d and made Signs to come to my Assistance, pronouncing aloud at the same Time these Words, Jeru Pikal Salim, which in the Quamitic Language signifies, Shew me the Way. But the Boys, at the Sight of a Man cloath’d in a foreign Habit, and with a Diadem upon his Head embroider’d with Rays like those of the Sun, ran down the Mountain as fast as they could, and soon gaining the Start of me, (for I Was forc’d to drag my weary and wounded Feet but slowly after me) they got to Sandwic an Hour before me, where they alarm’d the whole Village, vowing and protesting that they had seen the Wandring Jew among the Mountains, his Head all glittering with Rays, and by his Groans expressing great Uneasiness of Mind. The Inhabitants enquiring how they knew it was the Wandring Jew, they readily answer’d, that I myself had told my Name and Country. This Mistake I guess’d must proceed from those Words of mine misinterpreted, Jeru Pikal Salim, which indeed have some Affinity in Sound to that Conceit of the Children. All the Village was now in an Uproar, and nobody doubted the Truth of the Fact, especially as there had been but very lately a Story cook’d up about this Wanderer, who was said to have appear’d not long since at Hamburgh.

About Evening I arriv’d at Sandwic, where I found a Mob of the Inhabitants gather’d together, from a natural Curiosity implanted in all Men to see strange Sights. They stood at the Foot of the Mountain to meet me, but as soon as ever they heard me speak, they all took to their Heels as if they were seiz’d with a Panic, except one old Man, who having more Courage than the rest, would not move out of his Place. To this Man I address’d myself, and begg’d to know if he would have the Goodness to entertain a Stranger. He ask’d me who I was? and whence I came? To which I reply’d with a deep Sigh, that the Day was too far spent to begin my Story, but that if he would receive me into his House, I should relate to him such a Series of Adventures, as were not to be parallel’d in all History, and which must consequently stagger human Belief. The old Man, who was a Lover of Novelty, took me by the Hand, and led me to his House; and as we went, he rally’d the ridiculous Fears of the Populace, who are frighten’d at a strange Face as much as at a Comet. As soon as I was within the House, I begg’d the Favour of some cold Water to assuage my Thirst. Instead of which a Cup of Ale was brought me by my Host himself, because his Wife and Maids were all afraid to venture themselves near me. Having drank off my Liquor, and slack’d my Thirst, I spoke to my good Host in the following Terms: “You see before you a Man, who has experienc’d the most cruel Reverses of Fate, and who has been the Bubble and Sport of Fortune to a Degree beyond all mortal Men. It is indeed an undoubted Truth, that in a Moment of Time the greatest Affairs may be disconcerted and thrown into Confusion; yet nevertheless what has happened to me surpasses all Credibility.” To which my Host reply’d, That this must be the Condition of those who wander for such a Length of Time; for, continued he, what Vicissitudes, what Misfortunes may not happen to a Man in a Course of Sixteen hundred Years Peregrination? I could not comprehend the Meaning of this, and therefore I ask’d him what he meant by those Sixteen hundred Years? If, return’d he, any Credit is to be given to History, it is now Sixteen hundred Years since Jerusalem was destroy’d: I doubt not, most venerable Sir, but that about the Time of that memorable Action, you was even then something advanc’d in Years; for if what is related concerning you be true, we may refer the Date of your Nativity to the Reign of Tiberius. At these Words I was silent for a considerable Time, and thought the old Man doated; but at last I told him, that his Language requir’d an OEdipus to unriddle it. With that he brought me a Print of the Temple of Jerusalem, and ask’d me, whether I thought it differ’d very much from the Original? In spite of all my Grief, I could not help bursting into a Laugh, and ask’d him the Meaning of this odd puzzling Discourse. He reply’d, Whether I am in an Error, or not, I cannot say: But the Inhabitants of this Place aver, that you are that famous Jew, who ever since the Days of Christ have been condemn’d to wander over the World. But yet, methinks, the nearer I survey you, the more I discover in your Face the Features of an old Friend of mine, who some twelve Years ago perish’d on the Top of this Mountain. At these Words, the Mist before my Eyes was dissipated, and I knew my old Friend Abeline, whose House in Bergen I us’d to frequent. I flew into his Arms immediately, and tenderly embrac’d him. And do I live to hold thee thus, my Abeline, said I? I scarce believe my Eyes and Senses. Yes, I am Klimius, return’d in a manner from the Grave. I am that very Klimius, who about twelve Years since descended into that Cavern. My Friend, confounded at this unexpected Turn, stood like one thunder-struck; at length he cry’d out, Yes! it is he! I see my Klimius! I hear his Voice!

Sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat.

But tho’ no Twin can be more like his Brother, than you are like my Klimius, yet I neither can nor dare believe my Senses; for Miracles are ceas’d, and the Dead rise not now: I must have therefore stronger and more convincing Proofs, e’er I can give Credit to what you tell me. Hereupon, at once to conquer his Incredulity, I gave him a succinct Detail of all that had pass’d between us formerly. This remov’d every Doubt; and straitway he embrac’d me with Tears of Joy, and cry’d out, It is, it is the very Man, whose Ghost I thought I had seen! But explain to me, pursued he, in what Part of the World you have lost yourself all this Time, and in what Country you procur’d that wonderful Dress you have on. Then I proceeded to recount to him every Particular which had happen’d to me, and he heard me with profound Attention, till I came to that Part of my History concerning the Planet Nazar, and Trees endu’d with Speech and Reason: At this, he lost all Patience: “Not all the Absurdities, says he, which Dreams convey to us, not all the Follies which Madness produces, or all the Nonsense which Drunkenness utters, can equal these Visions of yours; I should rather chuse to believe with the Vulgar, that you must have fallen into the Hands of Witches or Hobgoblins; for how idle soever such Tales are, yet they have an Appearance of Truth, if put in Competition with this subterranean Journey of yours.” I begg’d and intreated of him to have but a Moment’s Patience more, till I had finish’d my Recital; upon which, as I observ’d he kept Silence, I proceeded to relate all that had happened to me below, the sundry Accidents and Reverses of Fortune I had experienc’d, and how I had been the Founder of the fifth and greatest Monarchy that ever was. All these Things increas’d the Suspicion he had entertained, that I was bewitch’d, or had had some Commerce with Magicians of evil Spirits; and that being abused with their diabolical Delusions, I had embraced a Cloud instead of Juno. In order to try how far the Force of these Charms and Incantations had spread, or to what a Length my Extravagance would run, my Friend began to interrogate me concerning the State of the Happy, and that of the Damn’d in the other World; concerning the Elysian Fields, and divers other Matters of that Kind. I soon perceiv’d the sly Design of these Questions, and told my Friend, that I, for my Part, could hardly blame his Incredulity, since my Narration appear’d too fabulous to Command a ready Assent: However, it was not my Fault; for that in Reality my Adventures were so marvellous, as to baffle all human Belief. I solemnly protest to you, continued I, that I have not added or supply’d one Jot or Tittle from my own Invention, but that I have recounted every thing simply and ingenuously in the Order they happened to me. My Friend persisting in his Incredulity, desir’d that I would compose my Mind, and take a few Days Rest and Refreshment, in which Time he told me he hop’d these Commotions in my Brain would by degrees subside and die away.

After I had repos’d myself for full eight Days, my Friend now thinking I had taken sufficient Rest, was resolv’d to try if I had recover’d my Senses, and therefore artfully resum’d the Conversation concerning my subterranean Journey. He was now in Hopes, that the fifth Monarchy, together with the twenty conquer’d Kingdoms, was all vanish’d into Smoke, and so utterly buried in Oblivion, that not an Idea remain’d of so much as a single Town or Village. But when he heard me repeat the very same Things in the very same Order I had before done; when at the Conclusion of my History I upbraided him with his obstinate Unbelief, and moreover alledg’d certain indubitable Facts, such as that about twelve Years ago it was notorious I had descended into that Cavern, and that I was now return’d into my own Country in a strange and foreign Habit; he then began to waver, and had not a Word to reply. I took the Advantage of this his Situation of Mind, and press’d the Matter still more home. I demonstrated to him, that his Hypothesis concerning Witchcraft and Sorcery, was far, infinitely far more absur’d than this Expedition of mine; for that those were justly to be thrown into the Class of old Wives Fables; but that on the other hand, he could not but know that several Philosophers of Reputation were of Opinion, that the Earth was concave, and that probably it contain’d within it a lesser habitable World; and that I, for my Part, being convinc’d of it by Experience, could not possibly give up my Senses with respect to this Article.

Convinc’d at length by these Arguments, Your Constancy, said he, and your Punctuality in affirming these Things, the Pretence of which could not be the least Advantage to you, has at last entirely vanquish’d my Incredulity; I must and do believe you. My Friend thus persuaded of the Facts in Question, now begg’d me to renew my Story to him, if possible, in a more full and copious Manner; accordingly I obey’d him. He was quite charm’d with my Account of the Planet Nazar, and the Potuan Government, the Laws and Institutions of which, he said, were such as deserv’d to be a Model to all the Kingdoms in the World. He also observ’d in Justice to me, that a Description of so wise and well-regulated a Government, could not possibly proceed from a disorder’d Head, or a confused Imagination; for that such Principles were rather of divine, than human Original.

When I found that his Conviction was perfectly sincere, and well establish’d, I then thought it high Time to talk to him about my own Affairs; accordingly I desir’d to know of him, what he thought I had best do in my present Condition, or what I might reasonably expect in my own Country, after the mighty Exploits I had atchiev’d in the subterranean World. To which he answer’d thus: “Let me persuade you, says he, never to discover these Things to any Mortal. You know the Zeal of our Priests. You know they persecuted the Author of that famous Discovery of the Earth’s Motion round the Sun, and all who adher’d to that Philosophy. And what then do you think will become of you for asserting the Existence of a subterranean Sun and Planets? You will be declar’d a Heretick, and as such unworthy to live in a Christian Community. How will Master Rupert thunder against you? He, who but a Year ago sentenced a Man to do publick Penance, for asserting the Doctrine of the Antipodes. Certainly, so holy a Person will condemn to the Flames, the Author of so new a System, as that of a World under Ground. I give it you therefore as my best Advice, that you suffer these Things to lie buried in eternal Oblivion, and that you live privately in my House for a Time.”

He then made me throw aside my subterranean Habit, and equipp’d me according to the Fashion of my own Country. Moreover, he drove away all those Crowds of People from the Door, who came out of Curiosity to see the Wandering Jew, assuring them, that he disappear’d all at once. However, the Affair was nois’d all over the Country, and, in a short Time, all the Pulpits rung with Predictions and Prophecies of the Evils and Misfortunes that must follow upon this Apparition. It was said at Sandwic, that the Wandering Jew was come, publishing every where the approaching Vengeance of Heaven, and exhorting the People to Repentance. And this Story (as Stories always gain in telling) was presently enrich’d with various Additions and Interpolations. Accordingly some said, that the Wandering Jew had foretold the End of the World, and that the next St. John’s Day would be the Day of the general Conflagration, unless they would prevent it by a very sincere Repentance; with abundance of other Things in the same Style. Nay, these Predictions had occasion’d such Troubles in a certain Parish, that the Farmers all gave off Plowing and Sowing, because as the World was soon to be at an End, there would certainly be no Harvest. Hereupon, Master Nicholas, the Minister of the Parish, fearing he should fall short in his Tythes and other Articles of his Income, told his Congregation, that to his certain Knowledge, the Day of Judgment was put off to the next Year. The Stratagem took, and they all returned to their wonted Labours. As the Origin of all this Folly and Superstition was known only to my Friend and me, it afforded us plentiful Matter of Mirth and Laughter from Time to Time.

At length, as I did not care to continue longer in a House that was not my own, and as I was under a Necessity of coming abroad one Time or other, in order to procure myself a competent Livelihood, I thought it was now high time to begin: Accordingly, we both went to Bergen; and my Friend made me pass for a Student of Drontheim, and a Relation of his, who came to spend some Time in that Capital. Soon after he recommended me so earnestly to the Bishop of Bergen, sometimes by Letters, and sometimes in Conversation, that that venerable Prelate promised me the first vacant Mastership of any School or College he had in his Gift. This was an Office to my Palate, inasmuch as it seem’d to be something a-kin to the Elevation I was lately fallen from. For the Government of a School is the Shadow or Image of Imperial Power: The Ferula is the Scepter, and the Chair a Throne. But as no Vacancy happen’d in a long Time, and as it was necessary something should be done for my present Subsistence, I was resolv’d to embrace the first Offer that should be made me. Luckily the Curate of St. Cross now died, and the Bishop appointed me to succeed him. This Promotion seem’d ridiculous enough for the Monarch of so many Empires and Kingdoms. But as nothing makes Men more ridiculous than Poverty, and as it is too high a Strain of Niceness, to refuse muddy Water, when a Man is parch’d with Thirst, I accepted the gracious Offer, and am now spending the Residue of my Days in this Office, with the Contentedness of a Philosopher.

A little after this Promotion, a Match was propos’d to me with the Daughter of a Merchant of Bergen, whose Name was Magdalen. The Lady pleas’d me highly: But as it was very likely that the Empress of Quama was still alive, I was afraid lest by this Marriage with Magdalen, I should be guilty of Polygamy. But my Friend Abeline, to whom I unbosom’d myself on this Occasion, ridicul’d my Fears, and by so many Arguments demonstrated the Folly of my Scruples, that I no longer hesitated to conclude the Match. I liv’d six Years with this Wife in the utmost Love and Friendship; altho’ in all that Time, I never once related my subterranean History to her. But as I could never entirely lose the Remembrance of that Height of Glory from which I was fallen, some sudden Starts and Gestures would now and then escape me, which did not seem to agree with my present Condition. By this second Venter I had three Sons, Christiern, John, and Jasper; so that in the whole I have four, if so be that the Prince of Quama is still alive.

Thus far the Manuscript of Nicholas Klimius reaches. What follows is the Appendix of Master Abeline.

NICHOLAS KLIMIUS lived to the Year 1695. He was belov’d and esteem’d for the Sobriety of his Life, and the Purity of his Manners. The Rector however was now and then displeas’d at his excessive Gravity, which he thought proceeded from Pride. But I, who knew the Man, and knew his History, rather wonder’d at his exemplary Modesty and Patience, who from the Government of so many Kingdoms, could humbly accomodate himself to such an Employment. However, with other Men, to whom his amazing Metamorphosis was unknown, he could not altogether escape the Charge of Pride. It was his Custom, at certain Times of the Year, while his Strength permitted him, to ascend the old Mountain, and take an earnest View of the famous Cavern. His Friends observ’d, that he always return’d from thence with his Eyes swoln, and his Face all bath’d in Tears; that he would afterwards shut himself up whole Days in his Study, and seem’d to shun the Conversation of Mankind. His Wife also assured me, that he would often talk in his Sleep, about Land Armies and Forces at Sea. This Absence of Mind went so far once, as to give Orders for the Governor of Bergen to come immediately before him. His Spouse imagin’d these Disorders of his Brain proceeded from an excessive Application to his Studies. His Library consisted chiefly of political Books, and as such a Choice but ill agreed with the Office of a Curate, he could not avoid some Censures upon that Head. He himself wrote his own Adventures, and his Manuscript, which is the only one in Being, is at present in my Custody. Tho’ I always intended it for the Press, yet I have hitherto been hinder’d from publishing it by very important Reasons.

FINIS.

Transcriber’s Notes:

Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected.