| Chapter I | Page |
| Fifteen Dollars and Sixty-five Cents Worth of International Travel. An Inspiring Reception in Front of Chief Pungo Memorial Hall | 3 |
| Chapter II | |
| I Help a Real Poet to Sing his Hymn. My First Chance and How I Succeeded with it | 24 |
| Chapter III | |
| Thropper’s Puff Tie. Sounds That Passed in the Night. The Possible Advantages of Speaking Tubes. The Scroll of Divine History. The Meditations of a Saint. How Thropper Lost his Pious Reputation | 36 |
| Chapter IV | |
| Thundering Gymnastics. How to Keep on the Good Side of the Young Women with Scriptural Quotations. The Establishment of Friendship. Carrying Water for Beauty. How Music may be Something More than Music. The Wonderful, Austere M an that Thropper led me to | 44 |
| Chapter V | |
| Pungo Hall’s Occupants: Estes Who Planned to Take a Tent and Plant it in the Midst of The World’s Sin; of The Little Man Who Fled from the Chidings of a ‘D.D.’: of Calloused Hands and Showing How “Pa” Borden was Beaten by the Grass Widower with The Long Hair | 58 |
| Chapter VI | |
| A Financial Pessimism Taken in Hand by Thropper and Shown in its Real Light. A Turkish Rug that Smoked. A Poet in Search of Kerosene. The Wonderful Antics of an Ironing-Board. Economy at a Tub and Three Waiting for it After Brock’s Bath. The Chemical Reduction of a Cauldron of Tomatoes into Something Sweet | 67 |
| Chapter VII | |
| An Academic Ride in Five Carriages at Once. A Business Appeal Mixed in with the Order of Creation. How We Got Lost in a Discussion. Whether it is Best for a Man to Marry his First Love. A Sleuth-Dean. A Queen’s Birthday Supper with an Athletic Conclusion. Jerry Birch Stands up for Albion. How we Tamed him | 80 |
| Chapter VIII | |
| The Doctrinal Temper of the University, and Thropper’s Talk about it. Introduces the Select Board of the Pharisees. A Prayer-meeting Monopoly Combated by Independants. Jason on my Track and How it Came out | 89 |
| Chapter IX | |
| My Trip into the Magic World of the Past. How Appreciation is sometimes Worth More than Money. Jason and his Coterie on Scent of Terrible Heresies. How God Takes Care of His Orators. How a Big Soul can go through Annoyances | 102 |
| Chapter X | |
| The Magnitude of a Postage Stamp. Showing how Desperate the Thirst for Money made me. Brock’s Rosy Nose and its Possibilities as a Fireplace. How Brock thought he was Fooling me and the Other Way About. The Barrow that Became our Enemy and how Brock Revenged himself on it | 109 |
| Chapter XI | |
| How I Competed with Patrick Henry and was made Aware of a Waste of the Eighth Letter of the Alphabet. How I Condensed all my Studies into an Oration. How the Populace Greeted my Rehearsal. Striking the Top Pitch | 119 |
| Chapter XII | |
| The Personnel of “The Clamorous Eight” and other Social Matters. The “Blepoes” and The “Boulomaies” Invite me into Fellowship with a Protest from Jason. Epics and Lyrics of Love. “Pa” Borden Speaks for the Benedicts on a Momentous Matter. How the Magic Tree Lured Some Unfaithful Ones from their Sworn Duty | 126 |
| Chapter XIII | |
| How One Dollar and a Half Secured “The Devil in Society.” The Medicine Chest which Became a Tract Depository under the Teachings of a New Creed. How I Stuck to Orthodoxy | 135 |
| Chapter XIV | |
| A Chapter Depicting how Strife Existed Between the Pro-Gymnasiums and the Anti-Gymnasiums and Showing how baseball, Debates and an Epidemic Determined Matters This Way and That | 140 |
| Chapter XV | |
| A Ph.D. in a Clay Ditch and the Futility of it. A Can of Beans at the Conclusion of a Morbid Meditation. How Thropper and I Played David and Jonathan | 145 |
| Chapter XVI | |
| Visions, Hysteria, Dogma, and Poor Lessons to the Front when the Revivalists Arrived. How Natural it Sounded when “Bird” Thurlow Asked a Flippant Question | 151 |
| Chapter XVII | |
| My Presidential Pose and its Central Place in “The Record.” A Wistful Glance and Some Practical Plans towards Eastern Education. How the Little Sparrow Brought my Class Colors as I Gave the Class “Oration.” Ends in a Fight | 157 |
| Chapter XVIII | |
| Thropper Unfolds Something Better than Canned Foods. A Lesson with the Flat Iron. Thropper Proposes that I Chaperone Horses | 162 |
| Chapter XIX | |
| A Chapter Which Has to do with a Series of Exciting Affairs that Occurred between the West and the East, and Which are Better to Read about than to Endure | 171 |
| Chapter XX | |
| My Aunt Millie’s Interpretation of Education. The Right Sort of an Adviser Gets Hold of me | 188 |
| Chapter XXI | |
| Over the Sea to a New Educational Chance. How I Revenged Myself on the Hungry Days. The Cloistered Serenity of the New Place | 197 |
| Chapter XXII | |
| Stoves with Traditions, Domestic Habits, and Greek, “Boys Will be Boys” | 204 |
| Chapter XXIII | |
| A Plot Which had for its End the Raising up of a Discouraged, Young Preacher | 208 |
| Chapter XXIV | |
| Burner, a Searcher After Truth. How a May-Pole Subdued a Tribe of Little Savages | 219 |
| Chapter XXV | |
| At the Heart of Human Nature. A Confidential Walk with a Dollar Bill at the End of it. A Philosophical Observation from the Stage-Driver | 226 |
| Chapter XXVI | |
| The Strange Adventure of Burner into Nothing, and How my Own Mind Got into Trouble, and How my Faith was Strengthened under the Chapel Window | 235 |
| Chapter XXVII | |
| The Wonderful Summer on the Pleasure Island | 243 |
| Chapter XXVIII | |
| How a Parsonage Suggests a Wife. The Convincing Revelations of a Phrenologist Who Examined The Students’ Bumps | 248 |
| Chapter XXIX | |
| It Devolves upon me to Entertain a Guest. The Sentimental Consequences Which Ensued | 256 |
| Chapter XXX | |
| A Heretic Hunter. The Orthodoxy of the Seminary Admirably Defended. I Contract a Fashionable Disease, and also Receive a Very Unsettling Letter | 263 |
| Chapter XXXI | |
| How Some of the Joys of Friendship Came to me in the Tower Room. The Orator in the White Vest. How Soon I Lost my Diploma | 269 |
| Chapter XXXII | |
| How, Though I was Ready for Service, I was Forestalled by a New Trouble, and the very Interesting Plan Which Came Out of it | 276 |
| Chapter XXXIII | |
| Of a Village where Locomotive Whistles Sounded like Lingering Music: of the Esthetic Possibilities in a College Catalogue: of a Journey over the Hills to the College where we find, besides a Wonderful Array of Structures, a Large Room and the Junior with his Barnful of Furniture | 282 |
| Chapter XXXIV | |
| My Wife Packs me off to College. The Senior and I Stop at a Rock for a Drink, Meet the Advance Guard of Students, Plunge into a Bedlam, and Witness the Labors of the Freshmen. The Finger-study of Quarles and my Apology Given to the Retired Medical Man who was Specializing in Hens | 292 |
| Chapter XXXV | |
| Hot-Popovers and a Cold Watch in the Station. The Sleigh-load of Talent | 315 |
| Chapter XXXVI | |
| A Chapter of Sentiment and Literary Atmosphere, Including the Account of Sanderson, the Procrastinator. How Two Prize Checks Were Spent. A Parish of Talent | 323 |
| Chapter XXXVII | |
| Tieresias, the Blind Prophet, and Squeem, the Student in the Back-waters of College Life. A Night of Grim Fate | 348 |
| Chapter XXXVIII | |
| A Chapter in which a Hero Does a Thing to his Credit | 359 |
| Chapter XXXIX | |
| The Lost Parrot. Academic Burlesque. The Nervousness of the Final Minute. A Religious Outcropping in a Non-Pious Heart | 379 |
| Chapter XL | |
| In Which the Account Comes to a Conclusion in the Life of a Relative. Martin Quotes Spanish, and has the Last Word | 387 |