INDEX OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG

WORKS OF

CHRISTOPHER MORLEY

Compiled by David Widger

CONTENTS

Click on the ## before many of the titles to view a linked
table of contents for that volume.

Click on the title itself to open the original online file.

##  THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP

##  WHERE THE BLUE BEGINS

##  IN THE SWEET DRY AND DRY

##  PARNASSUS ON WHEELS

##  KATHLEEN

##  MINCE PIE

##  SHANDYGAFF

##  PLUM PUDDING

##  PIPEFULS

##  SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE

##  CHIMNEYSMOKE

##  TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK

THURSDAY EVENING

TABLES OF CONTENTS OF VOLUMES

THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

Chapter |
I   | The Haunted Bookshop
II   | The Corn Cob Club[1]
III   | Titania Arrives
IV   | The Disappearing Volume
V   | Aubrey Walks Part Way Home—and Rides The Rest of the Way
VI   | Titania Learns the Business
VII   | Aubrey Takes Lodgings
VIII   | Aubrey Goes to the Movies, and Wishes he Knew More German
IX   | Again the Narrative is Retarded
X   | Roger Raids the Ice-Box
XI   | Titania Tries Reading in Bed
XII   | Aubrey Determines to give Service that's Different
XIII   | The Battle of Ludlow Street
XIV   | The "Cromwell" Makes its Last Appearance
XV   | Mr. Chapman Waves His Wand

WHERE THE BLUE BEGINS

by Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

IN THE SWEET DRY AND DRY

By Christopher Morley and Bart Haley

Illustrated By Gluyas Williams

CONTENTS

I.   | MYSTERY OF THE UNEXPECTED JULEP
II.   | THE HOUSE ON CARAWAY STREET
III.   | INCIDENT OF THE GOOSEBERRY BOMBS
IV.   | THE GREAT WAR BEGINS
V.   | THE TREACHERY OF MISS CHUFF
VI.   | DEPARTED SPIRITS
VII.   | THE DECANTERBURY PILGRIMS
VIII.   | WITH BENEFIT OF CLERGY
IX.   | THE ELECTION
X.   | E PLURIBUS UNUM!
XI.   | IT'S A LONG WORM THAT HAS NO TURNING

PARNASSUS ON WHEELS

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

KATHLEEN

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

XI

XII

XIII

MINCE PIE

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

ON FILLING AN INK_WELL

OLD THOUGHTS FOR CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS CARDS

ON UNANSWERING LETTERS

A LETTER TO FATHER TIME

WHAT MEN LIVE BY

THE UNNATURAL NATURALIST

SITTING IN THE BARBER'S CHAIR

BROWN EYES AND EQUINOXES

163 INNOCENT OLD MEN

A TRAGIC SMELL IN MARATHON

BULLIED BY THE BIRDS

A MESSAGE FOR BOONVILLE

MAKING MARATHON SAFE FOR THE URCHIN

THE SMELL OF SMELLS

A JAPANESE BACHELOR

TWO DAYS WE CELEBRATE

THE URCHIN AT THE ZOO

FELLOW CRAFTSMEN

THE KEY RING

"OWD BOB"

THE APPLE THAT NO ONE ATE

AS TO RUMORS

OUR MOTHERS

GREETING TO AMERICAN ANGLERS

MRS. IZAAK WALTON WRITES A LETTER TO HER MOTHER

TRUTH

THE TRAGEDY OF WASHINGTON SQUARE

IF MR. WILSON WERE THE WEATHER MAN

SYNTAX FOR CYNICS

THE TRUTH AT LAST

FIXED IDEAS

TRIALS OF A PRESIDENT TRAVELING ABROAD

DIARY OF A PUBLISHER'S OFFICE BOY

THE DOG'S COMMANDMENTS

THE VALUE OF CRITICISM

A MARRIAGE SERVICE FOR COMMUTERS

THE SUNNY SIDE OF GRUB STREET

BURIAL SERVICE FOR A NEWSPAPER JOKE

ADVICE TO THOSE VISITING A BABY

ABOU BEN WOODROW

MY MAGNIFICENT SYSTEM

LETTERS TO CYNTHIA

I. IN PRAISE OF BOOBS

II. SIMPLIFICATION

TO AN UNKNOWN DAMSEL

THOUGHTS ON SETTING AN ALARM CLOCK

SONGS IN A SHOWER BATH

ON DEDICATING A NEW TEAPOT

THE UNFORGIVABLE SYNTAX

VISITING POETS

A GOOD HOME IN THE SUBURBS

WALT WHITMAN MINIATURES

ON DOORS

SHANDYGAFF

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

The Song of Shandygaff

Titles and Dedications

A Question of Plumage

Don Marquis

The Art of Walking

Rupert Brooke

The Man

The Head of the Firm

17 Heriot Row

Frank Confessions of a Publisher's Reader

William McFee

Rhubarb

The Haunting Beauty of Strychnine

Ingo

Housebroken

The Hilarity of Hilaire

A Casual of the Sea

The Last Pipe

Time to Light the Furnace

My Friend

A Poet of Sad Vigils

Trivia

Prefaces

The Skipper

A Friend of FitzGerald

A Venture in Mysticism

An Oxford Landlady

"Peacock Pie"

The Literary Pawnshop

A Morning in Marathon

The American House of Lords

Cotswold Winds

Clouds

Unhealthy

Confessions of a Smoker

Hay Febrifuge

Appendix: Suggestions for Teachers.

PLUM PUDDING

Of divers Ingredients, Discreetly Blended & Seasoned

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

The Perfect Reader | 1
The Autogenesis of a Poet | 5
The Old Reliable | 19
In Memoriam, Francis Barton Gummere | 23
Adventures at Lunch Time | 30
Secret Transactions of the Three Hours for Lunch Club   | 36
Initiation | 42
Creed of the Three Hours for Lunch Club | 47
A Preface to the Profession of Journalism | 51
Fulton Street, and Walt Whitman | 57
McSorley's | 63
A Portrait | 69
Going to Philadelphia | 73
Our Tricolour Tie | 86
The Club of Abandoned Husbands | 95
West Broadway | 100
The Rudeness of Poets | 106
1100 Words | 110
Some Inns | 115
The Club in Hoboken | 124
The Club at Its Worst | 129
A Suburban Sentimentalist | 133
Gissing | 138
A Dialogue | 143
At the Gasthof zum Ochsen | 147
Mr. Conrad's New Preface | 151
The Little House | 155
Tadpoles | 158
Magic in Salamis | 162
Consider the Commuter | 167
The Permanence of Poetry | 178
Books of the Sea | 182
Fallacious Meditations on Criticism | 192
Letting Out the Furnace | 202
By the Fireplace | 206
A City Note-Book | 210
Thoughts in the Subway | 229
Dempsey vs. Carpentier | 234
A Letter to a Sea Captain | 239

PIPEFULS

By Christopher Morley

Illustrated By Walter Jack Duncan

CONTENTS

|  |  | PAGE
|  | Preface | vii
|  | On Making Friends | 3
|  | Thoughts on Cider | 10
|  | One-Night Stands | 18
|  | The Owl Train | 25
|  | Safety Pins | 29
|  | Confessions of a “Colyumist” | 34
|  | Moving | 42
|  | Surf Fishing | 48
|  | “Idolatry” | 52
|  | The First Commencement Address | 60
|  | The Downfall of George Snipe | 63
|  | Meditations of a Bookseller | 66
|  | If Buying a Meal Were Like Buying a House | 71
|  | Adventures in High Finance | 74
|  | On Visiting Bookshops | 78
|  | A Discovery | 83
|  | Silas Orrin Howes | 91
|  | Joyce Kilmer | 97
| Tales of Two Cities |  | 109
I. | Philadelphia:
|  | An Early Train
|  | Ridge Avenue
|  | The University and the Urchin
|  | Pine Street
|  | Pershing in Philadelphia
|  | Fall Fever
|  | Two Days Before Christmas
|  | In West Philadelphia
|  | Horace Traubel
II. | New York: |  | 163
|  | The Anatomy of Manhattan
|  | Vesey Street
|  | Brooklyn Bridge
|  | Three Hours for Lunch
|  | Passage from Some Memoirs
|  | First Lessons in Clowning
|  | House Hunting
|  | Long Island Revisited
|  | On Being in a Hurry
|  | Confessions of a Human Globule
|  | Notes on a Fifth Avenue Bus
|  | Sunday Morning
|  | Venison Pasty
|  | Grand Avenue, Brooklyn
|  | On Waiting for the Curtain to Go Up | 236
|  | Musings of John Mistletoe | 240
|  | The World's Most Famous Oration | 242
|  | On Laziness | 244
|  | Teaching the Prince to Take Notes | 249
|  | A City Notebook | 253
|  | On Going to Bed | 270

SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE

BAYBERRY CANDLES
SECRET LAUGHTER
A CHARM FOR OUR NEW FIREPLACE
SIX WEEKS OLD
THE YOUNG MOTHER
PETER PAN
THE 5:42
READING ALOUD
THE MOON-SHEEP
MAR QUONG, CHINESE LAUNDRYMAN
THE MILKMAN
IN HONOUR OF TAFFY TOPAZ
THE CEDAR CHEST
O PRAISE ME NOT THE COUNTRY
ANIMAL CRACKERS
THE WAKEFUL HUSBAND
LIGHT VERSE
FULL MOON
MY WIFE
WASHING THE DISHES
THE FURNACE
THE CHURCH OF UNBENT KNEES
THE NEW ALTMAN BUILDING
THE MADONNA OF THE CURB
MY PIPE
TO A GRANDMOTHER

A HANDFUL OF SONNETS

I
II
PEDOMETER
ARS DURA
O. HENRY—APOTHECARY
FOR THE CENTENARY OF KEATS'S SONNET (1816)
TWO O'CLOCK
THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER
THE WEDDED LOVER
TO YOU, REMEMBERING THE PAST
THE LAST SONNET

THE WAR

IRONY
TO A FRENCH BABY
AFTER HEARING GERMAN MUSIC
IN MEMORY OF THE AMERICAN AVIATORS KILLED IN FRANCE
THE FLAGS ON FIFTH AVENUE
"THEY"
BALLAD OF FRENCH RIVERS
PEASANT AND KING
TILL TWISTON WENT
TO RUDYARD KIPLING
TO A U-BOAT
KITCHENER
MARCH 1915
DEAD SHIPS
ENGLAND, JULY 1913 (TO RUPERT BROOKE)
TO THE OXFORD MEN IN THE WAR
FOR THE PRESENT TIME
AMERICA, 1917
ON VIMY RIDGE

HAY FEVER, AND OTHER LITERARY POLLEN

HAY FEVER, IF RUDYARD KIPLING HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF AMY LOWELL HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF HILAIRE BELLOC HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF EDGAR LEE MASTERS HAD IT
HYMN TO THE DAIRYMAIDS ON BEACON STREET
ON FIRST LOOKING INTO A SUBWAY EXCAVATION
BALLAD OF NEW AMSTERDAM
CASUALTY
AT THE WOMEN'S CLUBS
ELEGY WRITTEN IN A COUNTRY COAL-BIN
MOONS WE SAW AT SEVENTEEN
AT THE DOG SHOW
THE OLD SWIMMER
TO ALL MY FRIENDS
A GRUB STREET RECESSIONAL

CHIMNEYSMOKE

By Christopher Morley

CONTENTS

| PAGE
TO THE LITTLE HOUSE | 19
A GRACE BEFORE WRITING | 20
DEDICATION FOR A FIREPLACE | 21
TAKING TITLE | 22
THE SECRET | 25
ONLY A MATTER OF TIME | 26
AT THE MERMAID CAFETERIA | 28
OUR HOUSE | 29
ON NAMING A HOUSE | 31
A HALLOWE'EN MEMORY | 32
REFUSING YOU IMMORTALITY | 35
BAYBERRY CANDLES | 36
SECRET LAUGHTER | 37
SIX WEEKS OLD | 38
A CHARM | 41
MY PIPE | 42
THE 5:42 | 44
PETER PAN | 48
IN HONOR OF TAFFY TOPAZ | 49
THE CEDAR CHEST | 50
READING ALOUD | 51
ANIMAL CRACKERS | 52
THE MILKMAN | 55
LIGHT VERSE | 56
THE FURNACE | 57
WASHING THE DISHES | 58
THE CHURCH OF UNBENT KNEES | 61
ELEGY WRITTEN IN A COUNTRY COAL-BIN | 62
THE OLD SWIMMER | 66
THE MOON-SHEEP | 70
SMELLS | 71
SMELLS (JUNIOR) | 72
MAR QUONG, CHINESE LAUNDRYMAN | 75
THE FAT LITTLE PURSE | 76
THE REFLECTION | 80
THE BALLOON PEDDLER | 82
LINES FOR AN ECCENTRIC'S BOOK PLATE | 86
TO A POST-OFFICE INKWELL | 89
THE CRIB | 90
THE POET | 94
TO A DISCARDED MIRROR | 97
TO A CHILD | 98
TO A VERY YOUNG GENTLEMAN | 100
TO AN OLD-FASHIONED POET | 104
BURNING LEAVES IN SPRING | 105
BURNING LEAVES, NOVEMBER | 106
A VALENTINE GAME | 107
FOR A BIRTHDAY | 108
KEATS | 111
TO H. F. M., A SONNET IN SUNLIGHT | 113
QUICKENING | 114
AT A WINDOW SILL | 115
THE RIVER OF LIGHT | 116
OF HER GLORIOUS MADNESS | 118
IN AN AUCTION ROOM | 119
EPITAPH FOR A POET WHO WROTE NO POETRY | 120
SONNET BY A GEOMETER | 121
TO A VAUDEVILLE TERRIER | 122
TO AN OLD FRIEND | 125
TO A BURLESQUE SOUBRETTE | 126
THOUGHTS WHILE PACKING A TRUNK | 129
STREETS | 130
TO THE ONLY BEGETTER | 131
PEDOMETER | 133
HOSTAGES | 134
ARS DURA | 137
O. HENRY—APOTHECARY | 138
FOR THE CENTENARY OF KEATS'S SONNET | 139
TWO O'CLOCK | 140
THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER | 141
THE WEDDED LOVER | 142
TO YOU, REMEMBERING THE PAST | 143
CHARLES AND MARY | 144
TO A GRANDMOTHER | 145
DIARISTS | 146
THE LAST SONNET | 147
THE SAVAGE | 148
ST. PAUL'S AND WOOLWORTH | 149
ADVICE TO A CITY | 150
THE TELEPHONE DIRECTORY | 151
GREEN ESCAPE | 153
VESPER SONG FOR COMMUTERS | 157
THE ICE WAGON | 158
AT A MOVIE THEATRE | 161
SONNETS IN A LODGING HOUSE | 163
THE MAN WITH THE HOE (PRESS) | 167
DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE GOD? | 168
RAPID TRANSIT | 170
CAUGHT IN THE UNDERTOW | 171
TO HIS BROWN-EYED MISTRESS | 172
PEACE | 173
SONG, IN DEPRECATION OF PULCHRITUDE | 175
MOUNTED POLICE | 176
TO HIS MISTRESS, DEPLORING THAT HE IS NOT AN ELIZABETHAN GALAXY | 179
THE INTRUDER | 181
TIT FOR TAT | 182
SONG FOR A LITTLE HOUSE | 185
THE PLUMPUPPETS | 186
DANDY DANDELION | 190
THE HIGH CHAIR | 192
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT | 193
AUTUMN COLORS | 197
THE LAST CRICKET | 198
TO LOUISE | 199
CHRISTMAS EVE | 203
EPITAPH ON THE PROOFREADER OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA | 204
THE MUSIC BOX | 205
TO LUATH | 209
THOUGHTS ON REACHING LAND | 212
A SYMPOSIUM | 214
TO A TELEPHONE OPERATOR WHO HAS A BAD COLD | 218
NURSERY RHYMES FOR THE TENDER-HEARTED | 219
THE TWINS | 227
A PRINTER'S MADRIGAL | 228
THE POET ON THE HEARTH | 230
O PRAISE ME NOT THE COUNTRY | 231
A STONE IN ST. PAUL'S GRAVEYARD | 235
THE MADONNA OF THE CURB | 236
THE ISLAND | 240
SUNDAY NIGHT | 242
ENGLAND, JULY, 1913 | 246
CASUALTY | 250
A GRUB STREET RECESSIONAL | 251
PRELIMINARY INSTRUCTIONS FOR A FUNERAL SERVICE | 253

ILLUSTRATIONS

This hearth was built for thy delight— | Frontispiece
And by a friend's bright gift of wine, I dedicate this house of mine | 23
And of all man's felicities— | 33
A little world he feels and sees: His mother's arms, his mother's knees— | 39
The 5:42 | 47
And Daddy once said he would like to be me Having cocoa and animals once more for tea! | 53
But heavy feeding complicates The task by soiling many plates | 59
How ill avail, on such a frosty night | 65
The old swimmer | 69
But Katie, the cook, is more splendid than all— | 73
Perhaps it's a ragged child crying | 79
The Balloon Peddler | 85
If you appreciate it more Than I—why don't return it! | 87
And then one night— | 93
The human cadence and the subtle chime Of little laughters— | 95
What years of youthful ills and pangs and bumps— | 103
A Birthday | 109
You must be rigid servant of your art! | 123
You came, and impudent and deuce-may-care Danced where the gutter flamed with footlight fire | 127
Hostages | 135
My eyes still pine for the comely line Of an outbound vessel's hull | 155
A man ain't so secretive, never cares What kind of private papers he leaves lay— | 165
Mounted Police | 177
Courtesy | 183
The Plumpuppets | 189
... It's hard to have to tell How unresponsive I have found her | 195
... When you see, this Great First Time, Lit candles on a Christmas Tree! | 201
The music box | 207
Solugubrious | 217
In the midnight, like yourself, I explore the pantry shelf! | 221
The Twins | 227
O praise me not the country | 233
The wail of sickly children— | 239
Ah, does the butcher—heartless clown— Beget that shadow on her brow? | 245

TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK

By Christopher Morley

Illustrated By Walter Jack Duncan

CONTENTS

TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK

THE PRIZE PACKAGE

ADVICE TO TO LOVELORN

THE CURIOUS CASE OF KENELM DIGBY

GLORIA AND THE GARDEN OF SWEDEN

THE COMMUTATION CHOPHOUSE

THE PERT LITTLE HAT

URN BURIAL

THE BATTLE OF MANILA ENVELOPES

THE CLIMACTERIC

PUNCH AND JUDY

REFERRED TO THE AUTHOR