A DELICATE CREATURE.
Youthful Swell. "NOW CHARLEY—YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST, HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE?"
Languid Swell (probably in a Government Office). "THANKS! NO! I ASSURE YAH—MY DE-AR FELLAH! IF I WAS TO TAKE A CUP OF COFFEE IN THE MORNING, IT WOULD KEEP ME AWAKE ALL DAY!"
RECREATIONS IN NATURAL HISTORY.
First Naturalist. "WHAT! THE S-S-HE-SHER-PENT A-AN (HIC) ICH-(HIC-)THYOSAURUS? NONSHE-ENSE!"
Second Naturalist. "WHO SAID ICH-(HIC) ICHTHY-O-SAURUS? I SAID A (HIC) PLESI-O-(HIC)-SAURUS PLAINENUFF."
VERY CONSIDERATE.
Steward. "WILL EITHER OF YOU, GENTLEMEN, DINE ON BOARD? THERE'S A CAPITAL HOT DINNER AT THREE O'CLOCK."
PERFECTLY DWEADFUL!
Guard. "NOW, SIR! IF YOU'RE GOING ON BY THE EXPRESS, HERE'S JUST ROOM FOR ONE!"
Tourist. "WHA-T! GET IN WITH HAWWID OLD WOMEN, AND SQUEEMING CHILDREN! BY JOVE! YOU KNOW! I SAY! IT'S IMPAWSIBLE, YOU KNOW!"
SCENE—A CLUB.
Swell. "HAW! IS THERE ANYTHING WEADY FOR DINNAW?"
Waiter. "SHOULDER OF MUTTON JUST READY, SIR!"
Swell. "HAW—SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!—AW—WHAT A VEWY ODD THING FOR DINNAW!—THOUGHT THEY ONLY MADE GLUE OF SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!"
FLATTERING.
Boy (in allusion to BROWN, who thinks he is well got up). "OH! LOOK HERE, BILLY. THEY'VE GOT A DINNER PARTY AT THIS 'OUSE—AND IF 'ERE AIN'T THE COVE WHAT'S A-GOING TO WAIT."
BENEFIT OF CLERGY.
Binks, Minor (loq.). "AH! YOU CAN'T THINK HOW A FELLA SAVES, WHEN HE GOES INTO THE CHURCH. I USED TO GIVE SNOBBINS THREE GUINEAS FOR MY BOOTS, AND NOW I GET THEM MADE FOR TWO POUND TWELVE."
Binks, Major. "BY JOVE!"
A BARE ASSERTION.
Fred. "HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ALTERATION, BLANCHE?"
Blanche. "WHAT ALTERATION, DEAR?"
Fred. "WHY, HANG IT!—HAVEN'T I CUT OFF MY BEARD AND MOUSTACHES?"
THE FRUGAL MARRIAGE QUESTION.
Jones (of the Dandelion Club). "DOOCED JOLLY, I SHOULD SAY, TO MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR! THINK A SEE MYSELF WOCKING A CWADLE, AND FETCHING HOME THE MUTTON FROM THE BAKER!"
[Orders Glass of Dry Curaçoa.
THOSE HORRID BOYS!
Precise Female (in answer to a rude inquiry). "YOU ARE A VERY IMPERTINENT BOY!—YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT IT IS A MATTER OF NO MOMENT TO YOU WHO MY HATTER IS!"
VAGARIES OF FASHION.
Charles. "FIGURE, INDEED! WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO? A MAN MUST WEAR SOMETHING. HATS AND COATS ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION—THEY ARE REALLY SO VERY EFFEMINATE."
NOT A QUESTION OF WEATHER.
WHEN IT IS VERY FOGGY IN LONDON, IT IS DELIGHTFUL AT BRIGHTON—AT LEAST SO CHARLES AND GEORGINA THINK.
IS SMOKING INJURIOUS?
Youthful Swell. "HAW! LOOK HERE! IS THAT CHEST OF CIGARS YOU IMPORTED FOR ME RIPE YET?"
Cigar Dealer. "WELL, SIR—I FEAR NOT—THAT IS, NOT RIPE FOR YOUR TASTE, SIR, FOR AT LEAST THREE WEEKS; BUT WE CAN SPARE YOU A COUPLE OF THOUSAND OF THESE GIANT REGALIAS TO GO ON WITH TILL THE WEATHER IS MILDER, WHEN YOUR CIGARS WILL MELLOW RAPIDLY!"
[Youth accepts the generous offer, and lounges out with a Giant Regalia as big as his leg in his mouth.
THE SHUTTLE-COCK NUISANCE.
Little Girl. "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON SIR!—IT WAS THE WIND AS DONE IT!"
PRUDENT RESOLVE.
Little Party. "GO AND WALK IN HYDE PARK? OH, AH!—I DESSAY! AND GET PELTED FOR A HARISTOCRAT?—NO THANK 'E—NOT IF I KNOW IT."
A PLEASING BELIEF.
Whipper. "WELL, I WEAR MINE BECAUSE IT SAVES TROUBLE, AND IS SO VERY 'EALTHY."
Snapper. "HAH, WELL THERE AIN'T NO HUMBUG ABOUT ME; I WEAR MINE BECAUSE THEY LOOKS 'ANSOM, AND GOES DOWN WITH THE GALS."
RAILWAY COLLUSION—A HINT TO STATION-MASTERS.
Porter. "NOW, THEN, BILL! ARE YOU OFF?"
Cab Ruffian. "NO; WHAT SORT OF FARE IS IT?"
Porter. "SINGLE GENT, WITH SMALL BAG."
Ruffian. "OH, HE WON'T DO! CAN'T YER FIND US A OLD LADY AND TWO LITTLE GALS WITH LOTS O' BOXES? I'M GOOD FOR A PINT!"
DISAGREEABLE TRUTH.
Soldier. "NOW, THEN! YOU MUST MOVE AWAY FROM HERE."
Rude Boy. "AH, BUT YOU MUSN'T, OLD FELLER!"
OLD BROOM.—RETIRING FROM BUSINESS.
New Broom. "POOR JACK, YER HONOR?"
Old Broom. "LEAVE THEM COVES ALONE, TIM; THEY'RE TWO SWELLS WHAT ALWAYS CROSSES IN A 'ANSOM—'CAUSE O' THEIR BOOTS!"
ANOTHER RAILWAY MISERY.
NOW, WE DO HOPE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN IS NOT GOING TO BE ASKED TO SHOW HIS TICKET; BECAUSE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN HAS JUST PACKED HIMSELF UP QUITE COMFORTABLY, AND HIS TICKET IS IN THE VERY INNERMOST RECESS OF HIS WAISTCOAT POCKET; AND BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST THE SORT OF OLD GENTLEMAN WHO IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH IRRITATED BY SUCH A REQUEST AT SUCH A TIME.
INCIDENT IN A FRENCH REVOLUTION.
Omnibus Driver. "THIS IS ORRIBLE VURK IN PARIS, SIR. VY, THEY TELL ME THEY'VE BIN AND BURNT ALL THE BUSSES!"
DWEADFUL ACCIDENT IN HIGH LIFE.
THE HONOURABLE SPENCER DAWDLE (WHOSE TOTAL ABSENCE OF MIND IS SO WELL KNOWN) HAVING MADE A MORNING CALL IN BELGRAVIA, WALKS OFF WITH A HAT AND STICK WHICH DO NOT BELONG TO HIM!
THE NEW REGULATION.
Lieutenant Blazer (of the Plungers). "GOOD GWACIOUS! HERE'S A HORWIBLE GO! INFANTWY'S GOING TO GWOW A MOUSTACHE!"
Cornet Fluffey. "YAW DON'T MEAN THAT! WELL! THERE'S ONLY ONE ALTERNATIVE FOR US. WE MUST SHAVE!"
WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.
Foxhunting Doctor. "NOT BE IN TIME! OH, NONSENSE! SEND MY HORSE ON,—SEE MY PATIENTS EARLY,—DRESS IN THE BROUGHAM,—THERE I AM!" (and we hope he may have a good run).
[We have been obliged to take the side of the carriage out, which perhaps the kind reader will excuse.
PATIENCE REWARDED.
Piscator. "A-HAH! GOT YOU AT LAST, HAVE I?—AND A FINE WEEK'S TROUBLE I'VE HAD TO CATCH YOU!"
SERVANTGALISM.—No. X.
Servant Gal. "I TELL YOU WHAT, COOK; WITH MY BEAUTY AND FIGGER, I AIN'T A GOIN' TO STOP IN SARVICE NO LONGER; I SHALL BE ORF TO HORSETRAYLIER."
JOHN THOMAS NON-PLUSHED.
Tax Collector. "JOHN THOMAS MOONCALF?"
John Thomas. "—ESQUIRE, THAT'S ME!"
Tax Collector. "THEN BE SO GOOD AS TO FILL UP THIS INCOME-TAX PAPER AND RETURN IT TO ME BEFORE TWENTY DAYS!"
EDUCATION IN THE MINING DISTRICTS.
Jemoimer. "BIST THOU A GOIN' TO SKULE, ELOYZA?"
Eloyza. "NOT HI, JEMOIMER. THEY GID US TEA AND BUNS LARST WEEK, AND WE SHA'T HAN NO MOORE TILL CUM CRISMUS; SO MUTHER SAYS AS HOW IT AIN'T NO USE."
UNCONSCIOUS SATIRE.
"THERE, BABY DEAR, LOOK AT THE PRETTY SOLDIERS!"
AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE FOOT GUARDS.
Heavy Swell. "WHAT'S THE AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE MEN IN YOUR REGIMENT, CHARLEY?"
Swell in the Guards. "DON'T KNOW, I'M SURE—AW—BUT TEN GO TO THE TON."
THE CONFIDENCE OF YOUTH.
Juvenile. "I WONDER WHETHER THAT GURL HAS GOT ANY TIN—FOR I FEEL MOST OWDACIOUSLY INCLINED TO GO AND CUT THAT FELLOW OUT."
TRIUMPH OF MIND OVER MATTER.
Old Gent. "AND PRAY WHO IS YOUR FRIEND WITH THE COFFEE POT?"
Small Boy. "THAT? OH! HE'S MY FAG—HE GETS ME MY BREAKFAST AND SUCH LIKE, BUT I ALWAYS LEAVE HIM SOME CRUMPETS—AND NEVER BULLY HIM!"
WHAT, INDEED?
Stern Parent. "I TELL YOU, SIR, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT—AND DON'T LET ME SEE ANY MORE NASTY PIPES OR TOBACCO IN THIS HOUSE."
Young Williams. "BOO-HOO—AND WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO WHEN ALL THE MEN OF HIS OWN AGE SMOKE?"
DID YOU EVER!
Friend. "WELL, SPRAT, MY BOY—AND HOW DO YOU GET ON, NOW YOU'RE MARRIED?"
Sprat. "H'M! PRETTY BOBBISH—BUT THERE'S ONE THING MAKES IT DOOCID UNCOMFORTABLE SOMETIMES—ENTRE NOUS—MRS. S. IS SO CONFOUNDEDLY JEALOUS OF ME."
MORAL INFLUENCE OF EXECUTIONS.
"WHERE 'AVE WE B'N? WHY, TO SEE THE COVE 'UNG, TO BE SURE!"
ADVENTURES OF MR. TOM NODDY.
No. I.
OUR LITTLE FRIEND, TOM NODDY, THINKS THE SEA-WATER WILL DO HIS MARE'S LEGS A WORLD OF GOOD
No. II.
THE PLAYFUL CREATURE OBJECTS AT FIRST, BUT FINDING THE PROCESS AGREEABLE, DETERMINES TO HAVE A COMPLETE BATH.
No. III.
LANDING OF TOM NODDY. HIS HORSE HAVING HAD ENOUGH OF IT, RETURNS TO HIS STABLE.
No. IV.
OUR FRIEND HAS A DAY WITH THE BROOKSIDE HARRIERS.—WITH HIS USUAL PRUDENCE HE GETS A HORSE ACCUSTOMED TO THE HILLS.
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
Newly Married Daughter (whose husband's income is, if anything, decidedly limited). "—AND SEE HERE, PAPA, DEAR, WE ARE GETTING ON SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH OUR FURNISHING! WE BOUGHT THESE LOVELY GOLD AND SILVER INDIAN ELEPHANTS AT A SALE THE OTHER DAY, AND ONLY GAVE FIFTY POUNDS FOR THEM; WASN'T IT CHEAP? WE ONLY WANT A LITTLE CRACKED CHINA TO MAKE THE ROOM QUITE COMFORTABLE!"
A CAUTIOUS BIRD.
Lobkins. "WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT MARRYIN'—FOR YER SEE, AFTER THE KNOT WAS TIED, SOME OTHER GAL MIGHT BE FALLIN' IN LOVE WITH ONE—AND THAT WOULD BE SO DOOCED AWKWARD!"
FORTUNE'S FAVOURITE.
First Snob. "YOU KNOW THAT JOLLY LITTLE GIRL, JULIA BINKS?"
Second Snob. "ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD."
First Snob. "WELL! SHE'S BEEN STICKING UP TO ME LIKE BRICKS, BUT I CAN'T RETURN HER AFFECTION, BECAUSE I'M SO DEUCED SWEET WITH THE PLANTAGENET GALS."
WANTING IN REVERENCE.
Coster (to extremely genteel person). "I SAY, GUVNER, GIVE US A HIST WITH THIS 'ERE BILIN' O' GREENS!"
JEW D'ESPRIT.
Young Sholomunsh (to Young SNOBLEY, who is attired in his very best). "NOW, SIR! LET ME SHELL YOU A NISH SHUIT OF CLOSHE, MAKE YER GOOD ALLOWANCE FOR THE OLD UNS YER'VE GOT ON!"
[SNOBLEY'S feelings may be imagined.
QUITE RIDICULOUS!
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN TABLE-TALKING, MATILDA, THAT THERE'S SUCH A FUSS ABOUT?"
"OH, DEAR NO! WHY, THE OTHER EVENING A TABLE WAS ASKED HOW OLD I WAS, AND IT RAPPED OUT FORTY! WHEN I'M NOT THREE-AND-TWENTY TILL NEXT MARCH!"
A VAIN SHADOW.
"MY LOVE! DO YOU THINK THOSE FELLOWS ARE FOLLOWING US?"
MIND AND MATTER.
Navvy. "AH, BILL! IT SHOWS THE FORRARD MARCH OF THE AGE. FUST THE BRUTE FORCE, SUCH AS 'IM; AND THEN THE LIKES OF US TO DO IT SCIENTIFIC, AND SHOW THE MIGHT OF INTELLECT."
SYMPATHY.
Tailor (to considerable Customer). "TRIFLE THINNER THAN YOU WAS, SIR! GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK, SIR! 'OPE YOU'LL SOON GET YOUR HEALTH, SIR. WHEN WE HEARD YOUR REGIMENT HAD BEEN IN ACTION, SIR,—YOU MAY FANCY WHAT OUR FEELINGS WAS, SIR!"
OXFORD COSTUME.
Small Oxford Man. "NOW, SNIP, REMEMBER, NOT SO TIGHT IN THE ARM!"
Snip. "VERY GOOD, SIR." (To the Clerk.) "84 AND A 'ARF!"
STARTLING FACT!
Oxford Swell. "DO YOU MAKE MANY OF THESE MONKEY-JACKETS, NOW?"
Snip. "OH, DEAR YES, SIR; THERE ARE MORE MONKEYS IN OXFORD THIS TERM THAN EVER, SIR."
CUPID AT SEA.
Angelina (to Edwin, whose only chance is perfect tranquillity). "EDWIN, DEAR! IF YOU LOVE ME, GO DOWN INTO THE CABIN, AND FETCH ME MY SCENT-BOTTLE, AND ANOTHER SHAWL TO PUT OVER MY FEET!"
[EDWIN'S sensations are more easily imagined than described.
HOW VERY EMBARRASSING!
Gustavus. "MAMMA, DEAR! ARE MOUSTACHES FASHIONABLE?"
Mamma. "WELL, GUS. I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY, BUT I BELIEVE THEY ARE."
Gus. "OH! THEN, IS THAT THE REASON WHY MISS GRUMPH WEARS 'EM?"
[MISS GRUMPH, as well as being strong-minded, is rather masculine in appearance.
AN ELIGIBLE PARTY.
Juvenile. "WELL, I KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO: I SHALL LOOK OUT FOR SOME OLD GAL WITH PLENTY OF MONEY."
VERY RUDE, INDEED!
ENTER TOM (A DISAGREEABLE BOY FROM SCHOOL.)—Tom. "LOOK HERE, CLARA, THERE'S A YOUNG WOMAN DOWNSTAIRS HAS BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU, AND WANTS TO KNOW IF IT WILL DO."
A MAN OF CONSEQUENCE.
Cousin Harriet. "WELL, ALFRED, WILL YOU STOP AND HAVE SOME TEA WITH US?"
Alfred. "HAW! YOU'RE VERY GOOD, I'M SURE; BUT I'VE GOT TO TAKE THE CHILDREN TO SEE THE PANTOMIME!"
UNDER THE MISTLETOE.
AUGUSTUS THINKS CRINOLINE A DETESTABLE INVENTION.
THE HUSBAND AS HE OUGHT TO BE
Angelina. "WELL, LOVE, HOW DO YOU THINK I LOOK?—DO YOU LIKE THE DRESS?"
Edwin. "I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY CHARMING.—I NEVER SAW YOU LOOK BETTER!"
AND
AND AS HE OUGHT NOT TO BE. (Isn't it so, my Dears?)
Angelina. "WELL, E.,—YOU DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT MY DRESS?"
Edwin. "EM, WHAT? OH, UGH!—H'M—BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!"
AS WELL BE OUT OF THE WORLD AS OUT OF THE FASHION.
Old Gentleman (who is of course much behind his age). "WELL, MY LITTLE DEAR, AND PRAY WHAT NICE LITTLE GIRL ARE YOU?"
Little Girl. "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, I'M A PUSEYITE, AND SO'S BESSY 'ARRIS." (To Young Lady.) "AIN'T WE, MEM?"
ASSURANCE.
Juvenile. "AW, HAIRDRESSER, WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED MY HAIR, JUST TAKE OFF MY BEARD, WILL YOU?"
THE NEW THEATRE.
Constance (reads advertisement to Alice). "'* * * The Orchestra Stalls will be exceedingly commodious. Each person will have a separate Arm-Chair, occupying a space of two feet in breadth.' H'M—I DON'T SEE THAT THAT'S SO EXCEEDINGLY COMMODIOUS—EH, DEAR?"
AN AGREEABLE PRESCRIPTION.
"THE WEATHER IS CHARMING, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT FEEL MUCH INCLINED FOR TRANSACTIONS OF A BUSINESS NATURE. I AM DECIDEDLY BETTER. MY DOCTOR, A MOST SENSIBLE MAN, RECOMMENDS ME TO TAKE HORSE EXERCISE, AND GO INTO AGREEABLE SOCIETY. I ENDEAVOUR TO CARRY OUT HIS SUGGESTIONS."—Scarborough.
SIGHING FOR THE SUNNY SOUTH.
Omnibus Driver. "I DON'T LIKE BEING A HABSENTEE, JEM; BUT IF THIS PRECIOUS EASTERLY VIND LASTS MUCH LONGER, I SHALL BE HOFF WITH MY FAMILY TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE."
AFFECTING—RATHER.
Alfred. "TELL ME, MY OWN ONE, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY BEFORE I GO?"
Emma. "YES, DEAREST—DO NOT—OH, DO NOT FORGET TO BRING THE-TH-TH-BRUNSWICK SAUSAGE FROM F-F-F-FORT-NUM AND MASON'S."
A PREJUDICED OPINION.
"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL, I THINK THE POLICE ARE A BAD LOT—AND I WISH THEY WAS DONE AWAY WITH ALTOGETHER."
A DELICATE HINT.
Brighton Boatman. "THERE'S A WESSEL OUT THERE, SIR, A LABOURIN' A GOOD DEAL, SIR! AH, SIR, SAILORS WORKS WERRY 'ARD—PRECIOUS 'ARD LINES IT IS FOR THE POOR FELLERS OUT THERE!—PRECIOUS 'ARD IT IS FOR EVERYBODY JUST NOW. I KNOW I SHOULD LIKE THE PRICE OF A PINT O' BEER AND A BIT O' BACCA!"
THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.
Railway Official (waking Old Gent from a sweet sleep). "TICKETS, PLEASE!"
BY THE SAD SEA WAVES.
TOMKINS, DISCONSOLATE ON A ROCK, TRACES SOME CHARACTERS UPON THE SAND. TO HIM, MRS. TOMKINS (WHOSE NAME IS MARTHA).
Mrs. T. "WELL, MR. TOMKINS, AND PRAY WHO MAY HENRIETTA BE?"
[TOMKINS utters a yell of despair, and falls prostrate.
SCHOLASTIC.
Mother. "AND, PRAY, DOCTOR, WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS FOR HEDUCATING LITTLE BOYS?"
The Principal. "WHY, MY DEAR MADAM, MY USUAL TERMS ARE SEVENTY GUINEAS PER ANNUM (TO USE THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANCIENT ROMANS), BUT TO EFFECT MY OBJECT (?) QUICKLY, I WOULD TAKE A FEW FOR WHAT I COULD GET, PROVIDED THEY BE GENTLEMEN, LIKE YOUR DEAR LITTLE BOY THERE; BUT (AGAIN TO USE THE LATIN TONGUE) IT IS A SINE QUA NON THAT THEY SHOULD BE GENTLEMEN!!"
A PERFECT WRETCH.
Wife. "WHY, DEAR ME, WILLIAM; HOW TIME FLIES! I DECLARE WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED TEN YEARS TO-DAY!"
Wretch. "HAVE WE, LOVE! I AM SURE I THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN A GREAT DEAL LONGER."
AN ENGLISH NOBLEMAN, PAINTED BY THE FRENCH.
Milord. "GODAM! ROSBIF! I SHALL SELL MY WIFE AT SMITHFIELD, DAM!"
A STORM IN A TEACUP.
Head Nurse (with much dignity). "MISS MARY! YOU SHALL NOT STIR YOUR TEA WITH THE SNUFFERS!—IT IS NOT LADY-LIKE, AND I AM QUITE SURE YOUR PAPA WOULD NOT APPROVE OF IT!"
[MISS MARY howls awfully, and smashes tea-cup.
WAITING FOR THE CARRIAGE.
Charlie. "THIS WILL BE A STUPID AFFAIR, GEORGY."
Georgy. "OH! YES—ONLY A WHITE FROCK AND BLACK MITTEN PARTY—VERY SLOW!"
[Old Nurse wonders what next.
WORKING AGAINST TIME.
THE ARTIST GIVES THE FINISHING TOUCH TO HIS PICTURE. HE HAS BEEN SO BUSY THAT HE HAS NOT EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GET HIS HAIR CUT.
DID YOU EVER!
Augustus. "I SAY, AUNT! DID YOU SEE WHAT THE NEWSPAPER SAYS ABOUT THE ECLIPSE?"
Aunt. "NO! WHAT DOES IT SAY? READ IT, CHILD! ANYTHING RELATING TO THAT WONDERFUL EVENT IS INTERESTING."
Augustus. "WHY, IT SAYS THAT IT IS EXPECTED TO HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY EFFECT UPON THE INFERIOR ANIMALS! MY WIG! I'D HAVE YOU AND THE GIRLS LOOK OUT FOR SQUALLS!"
[Disgusting, Low-Minded Boy.
FUMIGATION.
Coster. "'SCUSE ME, MARM, BUT DID YER WANT YER GREEN-'OUSE SMOKED?—NO CHARGE. ONLY TO FIND THE 'BACCA, AND A DROP O' SUMTHIN' TO DRINK!"
EARLY PHILOSOPHY.
Juvenile. "AH, IT'S ALL VERY WELL! LOVE MAY DO FOR BOYS AND GALS; BUT WE, AS MEN OF THE WORLD, KNOW 'OW 'OLLOW IT IS."
OUT OF HIS ELEMENT.
Flunkey (who does not approve of Bloomsbury). "NO, MA'AM, I DON'T OBJEC' TO THE 'OUSE, FOR IT'S HAIREY, AND THE VITTLES IS GOOD; BUT THE FACT IS THAT ALL MY CONNEXIONS LIVE IN BELGRAVIA!"
TOO BAD!
Bertha. "NOW, REALLY, CHARLES, YOU ARE VERY PROVOKING. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY HAT EVERYWHERE—AND I DECLARE YOU ARE SITTING UPON IT."
A VICTIM OF FASHION.
Police Constable (to Boy). "NOW THEN, OFF WITH THAT HOOP! OR I'LL PRECIOUS SOON HELP YOU!"
Lady (who imagines the observation is addressed to her). "WHAT A MONSTER!"
[Lifts up the Crinoline, and hurries off.
THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.
PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—I.
Officer (who is going to the East). "OF COURSE, IT'S RATHER A BORE JUST AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON—AND I SHALL MISS THE DERBY! WISH THEY COULD HAVE HAD THE RUSSIANS OVER HERE, BECAUSE THEN WE COULD HAVE THRASHED 'EM IN HYDE PARK, AND DINED AT GREENWICH AFTERWARDS, YOU KNOW."
PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—II.
ENSIGN STUBBS, HAVING BEEN APPOINTED TO THE 121ST, GOES TO TRY ON HIS UNIFORM.
N.B.—The Gallant Ensign has hitherto been accustomed to dress in a loose, dégagé manner.
PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—III.
DELIGHT OF ONE OF OUR GUARDS NOW HE FEELS THAT THE COUNTRY WILL PROTECT "THE GIRL HE LEAVES BEHIND HIM."
WELL INTENDED, NO DOUBT.
Quaker to British Lion. "THERE, FRIEND! NOW LET ME PUT AWAY THOSE DANGEROUS VANITIES!"
THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.
NOTHING LIKE FORETHOUGHT.
Captain (to Brother Officer). "WHAT AM I ABOUT? I'LL TELL YOU, OLD BOY. THERE'S NO KNOWING WHAT MAY HAPPEN, SO I AM LEARNING THE NOBLE ART OF MAKING OMELETTES, IN CASE ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO OUR CHEF!"
NO! DON'T.
"SO THEY ARE SENDING OUT BOOKS TO AMUSE THE POOR FELLOWS AT SCUTARI—AND VERY PROPER. I WILL SEND FIVE-AND-TWENTY COPIES OF MY LAST FIVE-ACT TRAGEDY OF 'THE ROMAN GRANDMOTHER."
ENTHUSIASM.
Inflamed Militia Man. "TALK O' TH' ROOSHANS! THERE! DANG'D IF I WOULDN'T MOW 'EM DOWN FOR A SHILLIN' AN ACRE!"
ON DOMESTIC SERVICE.
Recruiting Sergeant. "COME, TAKE THE SHILLING LIKE A MAN, AND HAVE A TURN AT THE RUSSIANS IN THE CRIMEA."
Pampered Menial. "A—THANK YOU. I DON'T SEEM TO SEE IT. THE FACT IS—THAT—A—THE WORK IS 'ARD; AND—A—THE BOARD IS BAD."
THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.
THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.
PATIENT HEROES.
"WELL, JACK! HERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM HOME. WE'RE TO HAVE A MEDAL." "THAT'S VERY KIND. MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS WE'LL HAVE A COAT TO STICK IT ON!"