VARIETIES.

Selfish Man!

"My darling little wife," said a husband, "you will be pleased to hear I have just insured my life."

"Yes, of course," replied the wife, "there it is again—another proof of how utterly selfish and inconsiderate men are, always thinking of themselves. Naturally, it never occurred to you to insure my life."

A Lesson in Courtesy.—"My child," said a father to his daughter, "treat everybody with politeness, even though they are rude to you. For remember that you show courtesy to others, not because they are ladies, but because you are one."

Snail Cough-mixture.—The following glimpse of an old lady's pharmacopœia in the middle of last century is got from a letter of Mrs. Delany's written in January, 1758:—"Does Mary cough in the night? Two or three snails boiled in her barley-water or tea-water, or whatever she drinks, might be of great service to her; taken in time they have done wonderful cures. She must know nothing of it. They give no manner of taste. It would be best nobody should know it but yourself, and I should imagine six or eight boiled in a quart of water and strained off and put in a bottle would be a good way, adding a spoonful or two of that to every liquid she takes. They must be fresh done every two or three days, otherwise they grow too thick."

The Truth about Wives.

Some wicked wits have libelled all the fair.
With matchless impudence they call a wife
The dear-bought curse and lawful plague of life;
A bosom serpent, a domestic evil.
     *     *     *     *     *
Let not the wise these slanderous words regard,
But curse the bones of every lying bard;
All other goods by fortune's hand are given—
A wife is the peculiar gift of heaven.
A wife! Oh, gentle deities, can he
That has a wife e'er feel adversity?
Would men but follow what the sex advise,
All things would prosper, all the world grow wise.

Pope.

A Novelist's Tale.—Why is a novelist an unnatural phenomenon? Because his tale comes out of his head.

Sunshine at Home.—No trait of character is more valuable in a woman than a sweet temper. Home can never be made happy without it. It is like the flowers that spring up in our pathway, reviving and cheering us. Let a man go home at night, wearied and worn by the toils of the day, and how soothing is a word dictated by a good disposition! It is sunshine falling on his heart. He is happy, and the cares of life are forgotten.

"What Does Yf Spell?"

"Bad spelling," says Benjamin Franklin in one of his letters, "is generally the best, as conforming to the sound of the letters and of the words. To give you an instance: a gentleman received a letter in which were these words, 'Not finding Brown at hom, I delivered your meseg to his yf.' The gentleman, finding it bad spelling, and therefore not very intelligible, called his lady to help him to read it. Between them they picked out the meaning of all but the yf, which they could not understand. The lady proposed to called her chambermaid, 'because Betty,' says she, 'has the best knack at reading bad spelling of anyone I know!' Betty came and was surprised that neither sir nor madame could tell what yf was.

"'Why,' says she, 'y—f spells wife; what else can it spell?'

"And, indeed, it is a much better, as well as shorter, method of spelling wife than doubleyou-i-ef-e, which in reality spells double-uifey."

The Height of Woman.—Given sixty-six inches as the average height of a man, the average height of a woman is sixty-three inches.—Charles Blanc.

Little Minds.—It is the characteristic of little and frivolous minds to be wholly occupied with the vulgar objects of life.—Blair.


ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

EDUCATIONAL.

Tom.—We think that you might be received as a pupil at a school in Dresden, before recommended by us. Write to the matron, Frau Johanna Knipp-Frauen, Industrie Schule, Elias Platz, No. 4, Ecke der Sachsen Allée, Zu Dresden. Before attempting to teach the English language she should make herself better acquainted with it. She uses the third person singular and the second in the plural in the same letter, and in addressing one and the same individual.

Midge.—We think that the College of Preceptors would meet your wishes better than any other. Write to the secretary, C. R. Hodgson, Esq., 42, Queen-square, Bloomsbury, W.C. You write very well. We may add, that this college grants diplomas to teachers of three grades—associates, licentiates, and fellows—for which persons of both sexes are eligible. Lectures on the theory of teaching are given in the college rooms.

Ada Belle.—Write to the secretary or lady superintendent of the Mildmay Deaconesses' Institution, Mildmay Park, N., of which there is a branch home at 9, 11, and 15, Effra-road, Brixton, S.W.

Laura.—1. See our answer to "Chatterbox." The mere question of having obtained educational certificates does not include all that is required of a governess. 2. The phrase, to "leave no stone unturned," is taken from "Euripides," and may be traced to a response of the Delphic oracle to Polycrates, with reference to the finding of treasure buried by Xerxes' general, Mardonius, on the field of Platæa. Literally given, it was "Turn every stone." We think it was a very safe answer, and did not require supernatural wisdom to dictate it.

Guardian.—We advise you to write to the chaplain of the Rue d'Aguesseau Church, Paris, the Rev. T. Howard Gill, for information and advice respecting the education of English girls in France. See answer to "Anxious Mother."

Renee Vivian.—1. If you refer to our recent answers to such queries as yours, under the above heading, you will find a reference to a shilling manual, called a "Directory of Girls' Clubs," educational, religious, and industrial. The ages of the students vary in many of them, and so do the other rules. Write for it to Messrs. Griffith and Farran, St. Paul's-churchyard, E.C. 2. The quotation, "Call us not weeds," etc., is from "The Mother's Fables," by E. L. Aveline. Our society (the Religious Tract Society) has depôts all over the kingdom.

Un vrai Singe.—Apply to Miss Leigh for advice and information, Avenue Wagram, No. 44, Paris.

ART.

Winnipeg.—The best plan for disposing of valuable pictures is to send them to Christie and Manson's, King-street, S.W., and put a reserve price upon them, in case of a small and unsatisfactory competition.

Star of the South.—1. We do not think it possible for you to obtain a livelihood by tinting photographs, and must especially warn you against answering advertisements professing to give remunerative employment to ladies in this way. 2. There are plenty of pottery works at Stafford, but they would not teach you pottery painting unless you were one of their workpeople and gave up your whole time to them. You would receive very little money at first, and might never become a first-class proficient at the work. Your better plan would be to take a few private lessons, and find out what your capabilities were before giving up an employment of which you are sure.

MUSIC.

Annie James.—People are usually asked to sing at concerts. You may be sure, when they know you can sing, you will soon be asked; but if you find any occasion when you think it would be an act of kindness to volunteer to do so, there is nothing to prevent your giving your assistance.

Gertrude May.—Certainly, offer your services if you can be of use.

A. Andrews.—We are happy to hear that our notices have led so many to take advantage of your Musical Improvement Association. The fact that three extra prizes may be gained by those who have practised the greatest number of extra hours, and that musical soirées are occasionally given at Queenstown by the members, form distinctive attractions to your society.

Fiddlestring.—Take your compositions to any music publisher's, and they will give you every information. You will find a list in the London Directory.

Sister Elizabeth could study harmony by herself very well, and make good progress. The Primers of Messrs. Novello and Co. are very good indeed.

Narcissus.—The Royal College of Music is at Kensington-gore, S.W.; principal, Sir George Grove; hon. secretary, Charles Morley; fee for tuition only, £40 per annum. Lodgings for students named if desired.

Snowdrop, No. 100.—You have begun singing too early. Get an opinion at an eye or ear infirmary, or a good experienced doctor. Your writing is particularly good.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Gwen H. M.—Express your regret at having forgotten yourself and spoken in temper disrespectfully to your mistress. You can do no more; but she can be compelled to give you a character, although giving her own version of the cause of your dismissal.

Inquisitive.—The 18th of January, 1872, was a Thursday, and the 14th of March a Thursday. Reverse the method you have adopted of making heavy upper strokes and light down ones.

Dots.—The words "speciality" and "specialty" are synonymous, and may both be used; but the former is adopted by our best writers—as, for example, the novelists Bulwer-Lytton, and Dickens, the poet Elizabeth B. Browning, and the theological historian, Hooker. Nevertheless, Shakespeare says "specialty," but that may have been the old word of a former age, and such could not govern modern usages.

Regretful need not feel unhappy about a kindly act of sympathy. The letter was doubtless written in suitable terms. Her verses have a good deal of prettiness and sweetness about them; but she needs to study the rules of metrical composition, as a good many errors appear in her lines. We direct her attention to previous answers.

A. M. L.—1. We are perpetually telling our girls that it is very unladylike for them to walk out alone with men unless engaged to them, and with the knowledge and consent of their parents. Even if you could not take the trouble of reading out answers to other girls on this subject, why do you not ask the opinion and advice of your mother or aunt, or any lady possessing ordinary common sense and acquaintance with the general rules of propriety. 2. Clean brass with cream of tartar made into a wet paste; brush off when dry, wash in boiling water, and rub with a chamois leather.

Little White Oss.—To remove grease from dresses, rub the spots with benzoline and hang them in the air. The word "catechism" is derived from the Greek, and signifies a form of oral instruction in the rudiments of knowledge by way of question and answer. The oral instructions delivered by the early Christian priests to their converts were written down first in the eighth or ninth centuries, the present Church of England Catechism in 1551, and was added to and altered in 1604 by the order of James I. We do not admire your selection of a name. "White Rabbit" or "White Mouse" would have been preferable.

Twenty.—Write to our publisher, Mr. Tarn. The Editor has nothing to do with the publishing department.

Cecilia.—Good Friday is a Bank Holiday, also Easter Monday, Whit Monday, first Monday in August, Christmas Day, and the day following, or, if that be a Sunday, then the Monday following. In Scotland the holidays are different, being New Year's Day, Good Friday, first Monday in May, first Monday in August, and Christmas Day.

White Violet.—September 21st, 1869, was a Friday; June 27th, 1867, was a Thursday. Your other query has been recently answered.

Picaninny.—We are glad to hear you have found the G. O. P. so useful. Use gloves.

Ira.—We are much obliged, and regret we cannot make use of them.

Little Woman.—We think you had better let matters take their natural course. Such a long and intimate acquaintance would be the best commencement for married life, which is too often hastily entered into, and thus ends in disappointment from lack of knowledge of each other's characters and habits.

Lizzie F.—An answer has been given to your question very lately.

English Girl should wear a veil in the summer if she fears freckles, and in winter also if her skin be so tender.

An Anxious One (Leeds) should consult a doctor without delay.

H. A. Chart must send to Mr. Tarn, 56, Paternoster-row, E.C., for the index and plates, 1s. being required, and postage.

Troublesome One.—If you meet a funeral procession accompanying a deceased person, it is in good taste to stop while it passes, and for a man to take off his hat. You do not stop if it merely overtake you, travelling the same way, nor need you to stop, whether riding or driving, if the hearse be empty. The rule is, that all respect be shown to the dead and the grief of the mourners.

Isca Wellesley.—How could you so far forget yourself as to send flowers to a strange man? You cannot bow to any man, "peculiar" or not, if he have not been introduced to you. Is it possible that you thought of bowing to a man with whom you were not acquainted? We think your mother would feel tempted to box your ears if she knew that you did!

A Hybrid Lass(?).—The three days immediately preceding the Feast of the Ascension were so named because on them litanies were recited by the clergy and people in procession, a custom of which the "beating of bounds" is a relic. Their institution is ascribed to Mamertius, Bishop of Vienna in the fifth century.

Chiesa had better consult a doctor, as such things are dangerous for unskilled hands to meddle with. We do not recognise the poem.

Azalea.—Such matters must be referred to the decision of each individual conscience, for what one person might consider an enjoyable relaxation another might think wrong. But we must not judge anyone, only act for ourselves, in the fear and love of God.

Excelsior.—The line—

"Oh, for the touch of a vanished hand"

is by Tennyson.

Annie's verses are very good for ten years old, but she will probably improve on them before she is twice ten.

A. J. M.—The certificates are all dated Lady Day, 1886. You make a mistake. We think it unnecessary fault finding.

Little Gherkins.—1. Although your verses are rather too irregular to be put into the G. O. P., there is much humour about them, and they afforded us a good laugh, for which we thank you, and wish you health to enjoy the paper we provide for you for many a day. 2. Write to the secretary of the convalescent home at Walton-on-Thames, at the office, 32, Sackville-street, W. Admission is free. Get a letter from your doctor to recommend you, and they will take you in for three weeks' change of air.

Scotia.—1. It is impossible to make smoke pictures indelible. They should be mounted in deep mounts and framed if worth preserving. 2. The origin of acting as "gooseberry" is found in the unsatisfactory office of a gooseberry gatherer, who undertakes the trouble and bears all the scratching from the thorns for the delectation of others. Thus, the "gooseberry" is the person who, for propriety sake, accompanies two lovers, and is expected to hear, see, and say nothing—i.e., have all the toil and the dulness without the pleasure of companionship.

Lollo.—The address of the Governesses' Benevolent Institution is 32, Sackville-street, London. Apply to the secretary for information.

Evangeline Grace.—Gather leaves in the early autumn when touched, but not faded, by the frost; dry them thoroughly, and preserve them from decay by giving them a slight coat of varnish.

Grace Noel.—We are obliged for your communication about the Colonial Exhibition, and regret that we have not space to publish it. We consider it a very creditable production for a girl of twelve years old.

Hattie is probably diminutive for Harriet. We do not understand your question.

Janet C.—You had better take your Bible and look out all the places where dreams are mentioned.

A. E. T.—The present King of Greece ascended the throne, 30th March, 1863, and married, 27th October, 1867, Olga, eldest daughter of the Grand Duke Constantine of Russia, the present queen. We do not think there is any such word in the dictionary, or out of it.

Tie.—The Italian for "How do you do" is "Come sta?" the French, "Comment vous partez-vous?" the German, "Wie befinden sie sich?" The translation of the Latin, "De mortuis," etc., is, "Of the dead say nothing but good."

Katrina S.—Some articles on riding were given in the G. O. P. The dress consists of habit, trousers, and low stays.

Alice.—Intimate friends and relations give presents at such events as silver weddings, but no others are expected.

CONVALESCENCE.

Pseudo (Worthing).—1. Not less than eight or nine hours' sleep is needful for young people, so do not stint your rest; get to bed early, and rise at 6.30 or 7 a.m. 2. A very good book on how to teach arithmetic is published by Moffat and Paige, 28, Warwick-lane, Paternoster-row, E.C., price 2s. 6d., as well as other useful manuals for the teacher.

Ruth (West Indies).—The account you give of the condition of both head and hair is quite shocking. You had better cut it short, and then wash your head well with plenty of soap, and keep it clean always. Possibly, however, not dirt, but some disease of the scalp may be the cause of the condition you describe. If so, you had better show it to a doctor. But, in any case, you had better cut it short for a time.

White Rose (Shepherd's Bush).—You are not too young to be a godmother, but your services to the child will probably be superfluous, as the parents—or, at least, the mother—will see that the child is taught the Lord's Prayer, Creed, and Ten Commandments, and will see that it be confirmed at a suitable age. But you must take care that while praying for the child you are also to set it, and all who know you, a good Christian example of keeping your own vows to God. In ancient times Christian parents were often martyred, and then the responsibility of the child's religious education devolved on the godparents.

Mate.—It is not incumbent on a man to call his wife's father and mother by those titles. Many only address them as "Mr." and "Mrs." Nevertheless, it is desirable to do all things that tend to make peace and a friendly feeling rather than the reverse. When a man likes his mother-in-law he sometimes has a pet name for her, such as "Mum" and "Mumsey."

May.—You seem to work rather beyond the strength of a girl of fifteen; but, of course, you have not got to "wash for eleven children every day," nor "clean five bedrooms." The cheap velvet slippers you name might wear fairly well in the house.

A Youthful Poet finds herself plunged in great difficulties in the midst of some most obdurate verses, two of which will not accommodate any last line. She writes about "cricket," and about the necessity of being "in her place by the hour" at school, or "get punished in some way not so extreme as a wacking." If this youthful poet mistakes us for her muse, and depends on us to inspire her, or to write her verses for her, we can only decline, with thanks for the honour done us. In return, we must strongly recommend her to improve her writing.

Bluebell.—In reply to your query, "Why, in sailing round the world eastward, twenty-four hours are gained?" we may explain the fact thus. The world's rotation takes twenty-four hours. If, now, a person be travelling in the direction of rotation, an amount of time is gained proportional to the distance covered. Therefore, in travelling round the equator in the direction of rotation, the total time gained will be proportional to the earth's circumference—in other words, to the distance travelled. Of course, if travelling much below or above the line, the circumference would be less and the result affected.

A Male Reader.—You will find our articles on women's Christian names in vol. iv., the parts for October and November, 1882, and for January and March, 1883. Harriett, like Henrietta, is the feminine for Henry, and means "noble," and Emma is the Gothic for "mother."

A. L. W.—Yes, seashells are found far inland and high above the present sea-level. In Sweden there are great beds of them, and even barnacles on some of the rocks at Udevalla, fifty miles from the North Sea and seventy from the Baltic. The whole of Scandinavia is rising, and North of Stockholm at the North Cape, at the rate of some six feet in a century.

Dolgelly.—We should always regret that the smallest annoyance was caused by any writer in this paper on the characteristics of a county or province of the United Kingdom, and we are not pledged to the opinions gathered by our story-writers, formed from their own experience when resident in such localities. Did "Dolgelly" read the declarations recently made by one of our judges in a court of assize held at Chester?

Discontented should not worry herself over little disadvantages, for which she is in no way responsible. If so plain as she imagines, it would be well to cultivate beauty in the character, the temper, and the manners. Many plain people make themselves most attractive by the sweetness of their expression and the kindliness of their actions, small as well as great. See page 348, vol. i. 2. Cut your nails once a week.

A Foreigner.—You should make your arrangements with a German publisher to translate any English work into German that he may require. Get an introduction to one or more in Germany.

Tyza Worrall.—1. If the audience thank you after singing at a village concert, you should thank them by bowing. 2. To lay the tea-things on a coloured cloth is only a piece of economy, not fashionable nor nice. If anything be spilt upon it, it remains dirty, as it cannot be washed on every such occasion like a white linen one. Better to lay the tea on the bare mahogany or oak table. Coloured woollen or cotton cloths have a fusty appearance as connected with meals. We regret your answer should have been delayed.

H. G. C.—Write to the hon. secretary, Mrs. Paterson, of the Woman's Protective and Provident League, 36, Great Queen Street, Lincoln's Inn, W.C. The league has a register of work and workers, and protects the trade interests of women.

Caprice had better write and inquire about an English translation from the gentleman who edits the French editions in England. The eagle is emblematic of St. John the Evangelist, because he looked on "the Sun of Glory," like the eagle, with undazzled eyes. The eagle was one of the four figures which made up the cherub (Ezek. i. 10). The two outspread wings of the eagle represent the two Testaments, and the use of the eagle to support the lectern was because the eagle is the natural enemy of the serpent.

"The Campbells are Comin'."—The motto of the Campbells is Ne obliviscaris, "You must not forget," or "Do not forget."


TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE.

The following changes have been made to the original text: