Come to terms! What do you mean?
I mean I want £4,000 in notes or gold out of you before you leave this house.
£4,000! Do you think, sir, that I'm a travelling bank?
I know that you've made arrangements to go straight from this house on an absconding tour to the continent, and it's not unreasonable to suppose that under the circumstances you've got about you all the cash you could scrape together. Anyhow, if I don't have the satisfaction of getting the £4,000 out of you I'll have the satisfaction of handing you over to the police.
(Mounting the high horse.) My good sir, do you know the legal term for what you are doing? "Endeavouring to extort money by threats." Are you aware that that is an indictable offence?
(Putting his hands in his pockets.) All right. Indict away.
(Looks at watch.) Damn it, here's five minutes gone already. My dear sir, do be reasonable.
My dear Mr. Ben Dixon—or Wheedles—or whatever your name really is, don't argue You are getting off uncommonly cheap. I say nothing about the money you've swindled Mrs. Ben Dixon out of. I say nothing about the money you've swindled me out of. But I want the money you've swindled that poor boy and girl upstairs out of—and I mean to have it.
But if I haven't got it?
Then you'll get five years' penal servitude for bigamy.
Dear, dear me, how Providence does seem against me to-day. Oh, this is a beast of a house (savagely.) What is it you do want? Be quick about it? (Slams down bag and umbrella and seats himself at table.)
(He has brought writing materials from sideboard and placed them.) I want you to write a pleasant little note to Ted and Nelly, explaining the circumstances, and enclosing the £4,000, that's all.
Say £2,000, Mr. Cherry—£2,000 and a little something for yourself. I should like to give you a little something for yourself.
£4,000—or Bow Street. You'd better be quick. You wouldn't look well with your hair short.
(Gives him a look of intense malevolence and begins to write) '.—"My dear children, before leaving England, under circumstances needless to be stated here, my thoughts naturally revert to my beloved ones."—Mr. Cherry, I consider you to be a damned scoundrel.—"It has all along been my intention to make good to you, my dear children, the loss you sustained when Providence ceased to smile upon the Nonconformist Building Society, Limited (with concentrated rage.) My doing so leaves me a comparative pauper, but do not grieve for me."
(Who is standing beside him, looking over.) That's rather needless, isn't it?
(Savagely.) Shut up! (Writing.) "Committing you, my dear beloved ones, to the care of Providence, and trusting that one day we may be all reunited in the bourne of the righteous, I remain your loving and affectionate uncle, Henry." (Lays letter down and addresses envelope.)
(Taking up and looking at letter.) Very good—very good indeed.
(Snatching letter away, and putting it in envelope.) Hypocrite! (Takes out pocket-book and begins counting notes—pausing half-way through.) It's a lot of money, Mr. Cherry, to put all at once into the hands of two inexperienced young persons. Wouldn't it be better for us to give them £2,000 now, and let me send them the rest later on?
Don't be silly! You're wasting time. Mrs. Wheedles will be down in a minute.
(He gives Cherry another savage look and goes on counting; having finished he puts them in an envelope.) All my little savings, and me an old man. (Is about to close envelope.)
(Taking it from him.) You don't mind my counting them?
(Wounded.) Do you mistrust me?
(Counting.) Merely a matter of form. £3,995 here, Mr. Wheedles.
(He has collected his baggage, and is on the point of slipping off. He now draws forth and hands Cherry another note.) I look upon you as a common thief, sir, and if I was a young man, I'd——
There's nothing further that need detain you, Mr. Wheedles.
I am going, sir. I shake the dust of this house off my feet. (Opens door at back and glances out, then turns towards Cherry and speaks in a suppressed voice.) I should never have thought it possible that any man could be so deceived in another as I have been in you. (Looks out again and then round.) I have no hesitation in describing you, Mr. Cherry, as a blackleg—an experienced blackleg, sir. (Looks out as before.) I only hope that——- (Hears noise, looks out, slips round door, and disappears.)
(He follows to door and looks after him.) Ah, well, I think that counts one to you, Adam Cherry.
(Enter Nelly.)
Will you come upstairs and see my aunt before she goes, Adam?
Oh, tell her, my dear, she can come down. It's all right now. Come in a minute I want to speak to you. (He closes door.)
Is he gone?
Yes, my dear.
For good?
Let us hope so. He is on his way to the continent. And (giving to her letter) he left this letter, my dear, for you and Ted. I think you will find the contents very satisfactory.
It's the best thing that could happen, undoubtedly. I suppose he's walked off with nearly all aunt's money?
A good deal of it I'm afraid, dear. And he's not the only old man who's had the idea of walking off with other people's property.
(With a laugh.) Have you been finding out any more of them?
Yes, my dear (turning towards her). An old gentleman, my dear, (taking her hand and stroking it) that was about to walk off with a beautiful young lady who, by all the laws of love, was the rightful property of somebody else. Only, fortunately, he was stopped in time. (Nelly looks at him and is about to speak. Stopping her, kindly.) Don't say anything, my dear, it will be less painful for both of us. I was an old fool; and you—you thought of others more than of yourself, my dear. (Lightly) The property must be restored to its real owner, and I must leave you, my dear, to make all necessary compensation for temporary loss. See Jack and tell him you are free.
(Enter Mrs. Ben Dixon, followed by Theodore.)
We saw that old scoundrel sneak off. Is he coming back?
I fancy not.
Did Mrs. Wheedles let him go?
I don't think she knows as yet. She's got to learn it poor woman.
Poor soul! I must stop and say a kind word to her. I've been calling her a lot of bad names. (Suddenly) Here, do you know what Ted's done?
(Alarmed.) Nothing rash?
Well, it all depends upon how you look at it. He's, got himself engaged to Primrose.
(Smiling meaningly.) Rather a good thing for him, isn't it?
(Enter Primrose and Ted.)
(Who has overheard Cherry's remark as she enters.) No, it isn't. You mustn't think that at all, Mr. Cherry.
I haven't any money, we're going to give it all away. Ted doesn't want me to have any.
(Aside to her.) Put it by, quietly, my dear, and hear what he says two years after marriage.
(Who has been occupying an unobtrusive position, taking notes.) You know I think it extremely uncivil of you; Ted, I had always regarded Primrose as my own personal property. I had been "nursing" her, as we say in the political world, for years.
(Laughing!) I should have thought that a man of your age would have got over all ideas of that kind.
(Laughing.) Besides, Theodore, I'm not literary. You know I read the Family Herald.
My dear Primrose, that's a great mistake people make. A literary man doesn't want a literary wife. It would be like living with a critic. A clever man wants a wife foolish enough to always admire him. We should have got on admirably together. (To Cherry.) You haven't seen my pocket-book about anywhere, have you, Cherry?
(Taking it from his pocket and giving it to him.) Yes, you left it on the table. I took the liberty of glancing into it; you don't mind I suppose?
Not at all. Learnt how to write a comedy?
Yes, and (turning away) how to live one.
(Who has been reading letter.) Ted. (He comes to her.) Mr. Ben Dixon left this addressed to us. (Gives it him.) Read it.
Moral advice, I suppose. Why what—why here's notes for——
It's the money you let him have to put in that building society.
What, the whole £4,000! Nelly, we're rich! Primrose! (She comes to him.) Poor old Ben, he wasn't so bad. (Nelly, Primrose, and ted talk together near window.)
That was very clever of you, Adam. I never thought of that. You're a good sort, Cherry.
(Enter Mrs. Wheedles, dressed somewhat extravagantly. She comes in eagerly, then pauses at door and looks round. Her heart sinks.)
Where's——
Gone, Mrs Wheedles. It was only a dodge to get you out of the room that he might bolt. Don't think any more about him.
(Mrs. Wheedles sinks into a chair. )
Believe me, Mrs. Wheedles, it was the kindest thing he could do for you. We are both well rid of him.
(Crying softly.) I believe you're right, ma'am.
(At window looking out.) Hulloa, here's Jack. (To Cherry.) Shall I ask him in here?
(Moving towards door at back. ) No, dear boy. I'll send him up to you myself.
(Who has exchanged glances with Cherry at the mention of Jack's name, slips across quietly and meets him at door just as he is going out.) I shall always love you, Mr. Cherry. You're such a grand little gentleman.
(Cherry, taking her face between his hands, kisses her and goes out.)