'Bless 'im! Ain't 'e a little 'patriarch'?'

"Bless 'im! Ain't 'e a little patriarch?"


OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks)

I am a little puzzled as to the authorship of Action Front (Smith, Elder), which is stated to be written by Boyd Cable, author of Between the Lines. First of all there was a Mr. Boyd Cable, but he didn't last, for he soon turned into "Boyd Cable" without the Mr., the inverted commas indicating, I suppose, that this was a mere nom de guerre. At or about the same time there was an author known as "Action Front," whose writings were hardly to be distinguished from those of "Boyd Cable." And now Action Front becomes the title of a book by Boyd Cable. For my own part I can only say that, whoever he may be, Boyd Cable—let us try him without the inverts—has a most remarkable gift for the writing of vivid and exciting war-stories. He takes a phrase from the communiqués and shows you with a seemingly careless art, of which he holds the secret, what moving incidents, what heroism, what self-sacrifice and glorious endurance are concealed behind the bald official announcement. Moreover, he has a true appreciation of the reckless and humorous courage that characterises the British fighting man, the splendid human material out of which great events are fashioned. If you add to these high qualities a talent for making you visualise the scenes and the sequence of incidents which he describes you will obtain some conception of the methods of this most interesting writer. He holds you in his grip from the moment he starts, and there is no relaxation from then to the finish. Each little story is an admirable piece of literary architecture. If I had to class them I should place "Drill" and "The Signallers" by themselves in the first division of the first class. I will hint only one fault: it is too great a tax on one's credulity to be asked to believe that a French officer could have addressed an English private as mon beau Anglaise. Otherwise I have nothing but praise for Action Front, though I am still as far as ever from knowing who wrote it.


I feel I am beginning to know something of romantic Russia and the Russians from the perpetual and jolly spate of Mr. Stephen Graham's books. Through Russian Central Asia (Cassell) is the very latest to hand. I like his easy pace, his gentle universal friendliness, his fearlessness, his untidy but interesting mind. He is a tramp of tramps. With a thin wallet of notes and no weapon but a fountain-pen he travels a couple of thousand miles or so and back, faring on his own feet, steaming down stretches of navigable river, taking the rail for a space, begging a lift in some prehistoric conveyance, right from the Caspian, by magical many-hued Bokhara and storied Samarkand that holds the bones of Tamerlane, on through the flower-starred highlands of the Seven Rivers Land to the Irtish river and Siberian plains, sleeping under the stars or in a Khirgiz tent of felt, or a riverside cave—surely a happy careless man. And he has made an interesting book of it, intelligently packed with admirable photographs. He still keeps to his fine theme, the interpretation of Russia and the plea for friendliness, trust and a large co-operation with her on our part over the problems of peace and power. Among such problems he drifts about with a disarming naïvetè, a little out of depth and more than a little sagacious. An excellent specimen of the converted "Radical-Imperialist."


There used, I believe, to be an old controversy as to how many angels could dance on the point of a needle. Somehow, this antique problem is always brought to my mind by the short stories of Mr. Barry Pain, perhaps because he seems to have the power of marshalling more angels of pity and fear and laughter in the restricted area of a few printed pages than almost any other writer. How true this is you have now a fine opportunity of judging, since the first volume of his Collected Tales (Secker) contains a baker's dozen of samples selected by himself. Of these the most considerable (in point of length) is "Wilmay," which might almost be considered a very short novel. It is also to my mind the weakest thing in the volume; not even Mr. Barry Pain can impart much freshness to the middle-aged guardian who remains, till the final chapter, blind to the obvious devotion of his attractive ward. Elsewhere, by way of compensation, we have several little studies of rare quality: "Ellen Rider," exquisite in its restraint and genuine feeling; "The Undying Thing," that small masterpiece of the unpleasant, and "The Night of Glory," a savage and utterly merciless piece of anti-sentimentalism with a moral. Mr. Pain says in his preface that he has not included any example of his humorous work. Perhaps he was looking the other way when "Sparkling Burgundy" added itself to the collection. Anyhow, I am glad it eluded him, as it is one of the happiest things in a most attractive volume.


Miss Marguerite Bryant, the author of Felicity Crofton (Heinemann), can thank the gods for two gifts which lift any novel of hers well above the ruck of fiction. One is a sense of style (let me beg her not to play careless pranks with it); the other such a knowledge of men as is vouchsafed to very few contemporary women-novelists. You will have to go far and get very tired before you find a more lovable heroine than Felicity. Even after you have begun to suspect that the bearing of her own and other people's burdens had grown to be a hobby with her, you never lose faith in her delightfully vivid and radiant personality. The danger of drawing so fascinating a character is that when she is off the stage one's attention is apt to wander to the wings; but Miss Bryant, though she cannot quite defeat this peril, has hot been overwhelmed by it. With one exception the minor parts in her story are excellently handled, and in the end I have to be grateful for more refreshment than I have gleaned for many a day.


Epilogue

WOMEN IN WAR-TIME.

Wherever he has wandered of late, Mr. Punch has been struck by the sight of a new and capable type of citizen, always in some responsible position and always alert and efficient.

He has found her, in various incarnations, everywhere. If he goes by the railway she sells him his ticket. When he passes through the gate she clips his ticket. When he leaves the station she collects his ticket.

When he goes by Tube she takes him down in the lift and up in it again. If he boards a tram or an omnibus it is she, this new citizen, in a trim businesslike uniform, who collects his fare.

At his club she brings him his lunch. At many a restaurant she handles plates once sacred to Fritz and Karl.

He has seen her collecting letters from the pillar-boxes and manfully shouldering the sack.

When he shops she opens his cab door and receives him, and if it is wet she holds an umbrella over him.

In countless Banks and Offices she does the work of clerks, released for the army.

Often he sees her driving a motor-car; often a waggon; often a motor-tricycle delivering goods. In smart leggings, tunic and cap she runs errands.

On flag-days (and they occur now and then) she collects money in the streets hour after hour, no matter how cold or tired she is. At charity matinées (and they, too, have been known to happen) she extracts vast sums of money from the audience for programmes and souvenirs. She sits on a thousand committees connected with War charities and alleviations.

At the canteens, which never shut, day or night, she serves soldiers with hot drinks, cheerfully welcoming them back to old England, or speeding them with equal cheer on their way to the War. Dressed in khaki, she meets soldiers home on leave, leading them to comfortable shelters. Never does she look so masterful as then, for she marches at their head like a real commander.

In Regent's Park you may see her guiding blind soldiers, and on Hampstead Heath Mr. Punch has found her pulling or pushing crippled soldiers in bath-chairs. Elsewhere she reads to them and writes their letters for them, thus helping to beguile the long inactive hours.

In the hospital depôts she makes swabs and bandages by the million, quilts pneumonia jackets, pads the tops of crutches and sandpapers splints.

She has hardened her soft hands, through all weathers and seasons, in the labour of farm and field; grooming horses, tending cattle, guiding the plough, gathering the harvest.

And all over the country she is continually busy making munitions.

As for the myriad nurses in the hospitals here and abroad, who guard the precarious flame of life and dress wounds and cheer the sick—they do nothing new. That has always, been woman's mission. But of course there are countless more nurses than there were two years ago, before the cataclysm.

Wherever he sees one of the new citizens, or whenever he hears fresh stories of their address and ability, Mr. Punch is proud and delighted. "It's almost worth having a war," he will say, "to prove what stuff our women are made of." But, always the most chivalrous of men, "Not that it wanted proof," he will add.

And then, the other day, finding several representatives of the new citizenship resting in their luncheon hour, Mr. Punch, taking all his courage into his venerable hands, ventured to chat a little with them (for of course he would not dare to interrupt them when they were at work), in order to find out how they would be now filling their time were there none of these novel and pressing War duties.

But the remarkable thing is that none of them quite knew. They could not remember. All they were certain of amid the haze was the very distinct conviction that, whatever it was, they would not then have been so happy as they now were.

"Well, my dears," said Mr. Punch, laughing, "never mind about what you might have been doing. The important thing is what you are doing, and when I think of that it makes my eyes glisten, I am so proud of you. Perhaps now and then in the past I may have been a little chaffing about some of your foibles, and even about some of your aspirations; but I never doubted how splendid you were at heart; I never for a moment supposed you would be anything but ready and keen when the hour of need struck. And I was right, bless your spirited hearts! I was right. For here you are, filling the men's places, so that they can be the more free to go and fight for us, and doing it all smilingly and cleverly as though you'd never done anything else. I think it's magnificent. I'm an old man and I've seen a great many things in my time, but I've never seen anything better or anything that gave me more pleasure."

"Oh, no, Mr. Punch," said one of the new citizens—rather a pretty one, too—"you're not really old."

"No! no!" cried the others. "You're very kind and sweet," said Mr. Punch, "but you're wrong. I am old, very old—in fact just three quarters of a century old; and in proof of that let me hand you my

One Hundred and Fiftieth Volume."


INDEX

Cartoons.


Partridge, Bernard 
Armlets and the Man, 201
Blow for the Crescent (A), 137
Challenge (The), 89
Champion, of the Smaller Nations (The), 281
Crack or Doom (The), 31
For Traitors, 233
Gallipoli—and After, 51
Golden Moment (The), 345
His Bark is on the Sea, 185
Injured Innocence, 361
Job's Discomforter, 121
Lost Chief (The), 391
Man that broke the Back of Montenegro (The), 71
New Damocles (The), 313
New Edge (The), 11
New Frightfulness (The), 153
Question of the Hour (The), 169
Repudiation (The), 265
Shadow on the Wall (The), 409
Something to go on with, 329
"Steam-Roller" (The), 425
To the Glory of France, 217
Wanted—a St. Patrick, 297
Willing Victim (A), 249
Without Prejudice, 377
  
  
  
  

Raven-Hill, L. 
Another Conscientious Objector, 195
Dual Control, 131
For Neutrals. For Natives, 43
German Holiday (A), 105
Grapes of Verdun (The), 243
Held!, 355
Judgment of Paris (The), 419
Junior Partners (The), 179
Love me, love my Pig, 259
Marks of the Beast (The), 211
May 7, 291
Military Reason (The), 147
Pro Patria, 63
Puffing Billy, 339
Rush to Salonika (The), 3
Saint Valentine's Day in the Fatherland, 115
Second Time of Asking (The), 23
Serbia Comes Again, 275
Sinking, 83
Tables Turned (The), 403
Unconscious Candour, 387
Under Government Patronage, 323
Wait and See, 227
Wake up, England, 307
Who Pays?, 163
  
Townsend, F. H. 
Economy in Luxuries, 99
Working Holiday (A), 371


Articles.

Allen, Capt. R. H. 
Turkish Trophy (A), 8
Anderson, Miss E. V. M. 
Pulling of Percy's Leg (The), 228
Bannister, E. C. 
Erin-go-bragh, 75
Bennett, J. W. S. 
Badges, 47
Bretherton, Cyril 
Charivaria, 113, 129, 145, 161, 177, 193, 209, 225, 241, 257, 273, 289,
305, 321, 337, 353, 369, 385, 401, 417
Elusive Ones (The), 172
Hints for Air Raids, 136
Night out with a Zeppelin (A), 268, 278
Brownlee, L. D. 
In the Air in 1940, 338
Burrow, F. R. 
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, 74
Collins, G. H. 
Railway Lines, 65
Well-Disposed Ones (The), 101
Cundy, C. W. 
Rag-time in the Trenches, 170
Sorrowful Sniper (The), 35
Currie, J. K. 
Volunteer Casualty (A), 274
Dark, Richard 
Duel of Endurance (A), 107
Very Rare Bird (A), 310
Darlington, Capt. W. A. 
Night Operations, 26
Davey, H. N. 
Booklover (The), 414
Drennan, Max 
Meditations of Marcus O'Reilly, 88
Drennan, W. St. G. 
On the Spy-trail, 157, 292, 388
Vindication of Jimmy (The), 7
Eckersley, Arthur 
Cherchez les Tableaux, 342
Cinemic Touch (The), 424
Epigram (The), 396
New Theatrical Venture (A), 46
Theatrical Economy, 253
They, 17
Truth about Cinemaland (The), 214
Unrecorded Engagement (An), 270
Elias, Frank 
Home Helps for Non-combatants, 242
Evans, R. 
Another Scrap of Paper, 242
Farjeon, Miss Eleanor 
Nursery Rhymes of London Town, 200, 215, 239, 253, 271, 277, 301, 318, 326, 341, 365, 373, 391
Fenn, Clive R. 
Only Way (The), 402
Foote, G. H. W. 
Flat Overture (A), 190
Fox-Smith, Miss C. 
Amused and the Amusers (The), 370
Convalescent (The), 328
Grand Tour (The), 70
Question of the Nude (A), 182
Route March (The), 398
Saint George of England., 261
Speed the Plough: A Country Song, 350
Freeman, W. 
Archibill, 406
Dirty Night (A), 122
Expert Adviser (The), 167
Garstin, C. 
Bobbery Pack (The), 231
Canadian Remounts, 109
Fantasy (A), 370
Flying Man (The), 67
Huntin' Weather, 10
Garvey, Miss Ina 
Blanche's Letters, 116, 340
Gibson, Capt. 
"Biology at the Front", 376
Gillespie, A. B. 
"For this Relief——", 5
Glasgow, Mrs. 
"Dulce et Decorum", 78
"We give our Sons", 306
Graves, C. L. 
Art in Wartime, 225
Building without Tears, 178
Dress "as usual", 199
Dug-out Dominie (The), 173
Dyspeptic's Dilemma (The), 358
How I dined with the President, 102
In praise of Pussy, 246
Kitchen Rhymes, 420
Latest Solar Myth (The), 296
Luckiest Man (The), 317
Lyra Domestica, 406
More Light from our Leaders, 106
Music in Wartime, 223
Musical Jumbomania, 136
Musings on Milkcans, 382
Occ. Poet's Apologia (The), 278
Railway Rhymes, 125
Rolling Stone (The), 262
Sonnet to a Young Ass, 342
Sorrows of Wilson, 366
Suave Mari Magno, 150
Super-Lutheran Church (The), 389
Teacher Taught (The), 327
Tips of Mother Tipton (The), 334
To Charlotte Brontë, 269
War's Surprises, 376
Graves, C. L., and Lucas, E. V. 
Battle of Jobey (The), 68
Literary Lispings, 56
My Life, 66
Tercentenary Twitterings, 92
Unruly Britannia, 27
Grove, E. A. 
From Somewhere in Africa, 220
Way of Thomas (The), 306
Guthrie, Anstey 
Convenient Conscience (A), 364
Ill-used Author (An), 2
Jillings, 100
Haselden, Percy 
Golden Valley (The), 104
Herbert, A. P. 
Adjutant (The), 216
Draft (The), 335
Last Thoughts on Gallipoli, 86
More Eyewash, 280
My Dug-out, 152
Quartermaster (The), 349
Soldier's Spring (The), 312
World set Free (The), 168
Holmes, W. Kersley 
Fauna of the Front (The), 85
Howard, F. Morton 
Scottish Reel Thing at Last (The), 212
Hughes, C. E. 
Frank, 170
Hutchinson, Horace G. 
Letter to the Front (A), 236
Hyndman, S. H. 
Grass Valley Armistice, 260
Ingram, Capt. T. 
Johnston, Lieut. Alec, 326
Jay, Thomas 
Pessiphone (The), 25
Jeffs, Ernest 
Luncheon Causeries, 294
Jenkins, Ernest 
Good Openings for M.P.'s, 151
His Lady Friend, 421
Mr. John's Portrait of Mr. George, 197
Screen Influences, 265
Soldier Politician (A), 190
Johnston, Alec 
At the Front, 92, 106, 134, 148, 180, 213
At the Back of the Front, 55
Keigwin, R. P. 
Trump Card (The), 294
Kidd, Arthur 
Beyond the Limit, 58
London as usual, 13
Their Scribes and Pharisees, 348
Langley, Capt. F. O. 
Open Secrets, 37
Watch Dogs (The), 48, 82, 118, 196, 244, 276, 308, 343, 372, 404
Lehmann, R. C. 
At the Source, 18
Controversy (A), 124
Dove (The), 230
From the Front, 350
Heart-to-Heart Talks, 382, 386, 402
Lecture (The), 78
My Birthday, 38
National Scape-goat Association (The), 174
P. B., 316
Philatelist (The), 284
Philogamus, 210
Roosevelt in the Ring, 254
Simmerers (The), 132
To my Cold, 183
Tonnage, 108
Unwritten Letters to the Kaiser, 58, 86, 146, 194, 258, 290, 322, 354
Locker, W. A. 
Charivaria, 6, 21, 41, 61, 81, 97
Essence of Parliament, 139, 155, 171, 186, 202, 218, 234, 250, 266, 282, 298, 314,
330, 346, 362, 378, 426
Lucas, E. V. 
Another Air Scandal, 133
Birth of a Fluence (The), 300
Conquest (The), 45
Eccentric (An), 286
Embargo on Ink (An), 166
England Caught out, 341
Happy Error (The), 374
Hard Cases, 150
Heroism, 246
Identification, 375
Invasion (The), 102
Journalistic Enterprise, 28
Letter (A), 309
Modest Suggestion for a new Hunnish Canticle (A), 123
New Patriotism (The), 198
On Bellona's Hem, 84
On the Cards, 57
Once upon a Time, 142
One of our Allies, 214
Question and Answer, 390
Reciprocity in Fiction, 184
Solution (A), 410
Studies in Frustration, 13
Thoughts on Newspapers, 357
U. A., 392
Vesty Deep (The), 324
Women in War Time, 429
Yellow Pressure, 232
Lucy, Henry 
Essence of Parliament, 33, 53, 73, 90, 122
McKay, H. M. C. 
Economy in the Press, 270
McLeod, L. R. 
Charivaria, 289, 305, 321, 337, 353, 369, 385, 401, 417
Martin, N. R. 
Great Neutral (The), 383
Great Petition (The), 206
My War Stories, 130
Martin, O. Percy 
Loan (The), 301
Marzials, Miss Ada M. 
Daylight Saving, 348
Muir, Augustus 
Highland Hospitality, 141
Nott-Bower, Lieut. 
Safety-Valve (The), 394
O'Grady, Hardress 
Birthday Present (The), 366
Pavey, L. A. 
Reconciliation (The), 188
Tale of Heads (A), 30
Peters, A. D. 
Truthful James, 76, 226
Plumbe, C. Conway 
Mother to an Emperor (A), 68
Pope, Miss Jessie 
Fashion Plate Patriots, 316
Powell, Miss H. 
Best Sellers, 395
Preston-Tewart, A. 
Uncharted Seas, 390
Underground Game, 138
Pryce, Miss L. M. 
Ballade of Books for the Wounded, 360
Rigby, Reginald 
Concert Tickets, 412
Petherton's Parrot, 332
Strong South-Easter (A), 154
Roberts, E. L. 
Newest Hope (The), 405
Roscoe, E. S. 
Provincial Patriots, 50
Xmas Adventures of a Drawing (The), 15
Ross, Noel 
Abdul: An Appreciation, 358
Russell, C. H. 
Conscientious Objector (The), 408
Seaman, Owen 
Answers to Correspondents, 178
At the Play, 94, 110, 204, 238, 286, 318, 380, 422
Battle of the Pass (The), 22
British Dragon (The), 354
Cure for Depression (A), 146
Dress Economy and the Claims of Art, 290
Enemy within our Gates (The), 322
Erzerum: A Set-back in the Holy War, 130
Flowers for the Red Cross, 396
For they are jolly poor Fellows, 210
How to get up a Holy War, 62
Intellectual Retrenchment, 98
Joy Tax (The), 274
Kaiser on Kilimanjaro (The), 194
Kitchener, to the Memory of Field-Marshal Earl, 386
Methods of a German Missionary, 258
More Peace Talk in Berlin, 338
Of Cocoa, 242
Senior Partner (The), 418
Teuton Overtures, 162
To the Pro-Shirkers, 42
Word of a German (The), 114
Shakespeare, Capt. W. J. 
Billeting Captain (The), 114
Smith, Bertram 
Consolations, 407
International Relations, 5
Nautical Terms for All, 62
News from Kiel, 104
Partial Pat on the Back (A), 374
What the Pressmen Saw, 418
Whittling them down, 42
World Warfare of the British Fleet, 22
Stebbing, Mrs. H. B. 
Not Running to Seed, 271
Thomas, R. W. 
Naval Revelation (A), 110
Thorp, Joseph 
At the Play, 16, 36, 126, 205, 222, 252, 302, 334, 380
Truscott, Parry 
Glory o' England, 262
Ruin o' England, 414
Turner, J. H. 
Diplomacy, 98
Great Man (The), 164
War Risks of an Uncle, 398
Tweeddale, D. M. 
Beautiful Thing (The), 294
Vanheems, Miss May 
Resolutions, 1
Watson, Frederick 
Regrettable Incident (A), 356
Way, W. A. 
To the King of Spain, 181
Weingott, Victor M. 
Reconstruction, 162
White, R. F. 
Territorial in India (A), 326


Pictures and Sketches.



Armour, Major G. D.17, 39, 59, 95, 127, 140, 175, 207, 223, 253,
303, 332, 383, 413, 422
Bailey, Albert14, 268
Baumer, Lewis29, 47, 87, 103, 119, 135, 148, 168, 184, 216,
232, 247, 263, 279, 295, 328, 347, 376, 399, 424
Belcher, George54, 79, 91, 107, 143, 157, 173, 205, 213, 255,
269, 325, 349, 397, 423
Beuttler, Lieut. E. G. O., 206
Bird, W.81, 112, 145, 196, 254, 309, 369, 388
Brightwell, L. R.20, 26, 84, 159, 191, 305, 337, 359, 401
Brock, H. M.34, 93, 108, 133, 221, 239, 365, 375, 410
Brock, R. H.193, 336
Brook, Ricardo100, 124, 142, 158, 174, 288, 300, 308
Cuningham, O.385
Davey, George6
Fairhurst, E.21
Fraser, P.7, 92, 125, 132
Gooney, Francis292
Grave, Charles75, 183, 283, 301, 317, 353
Harrison, Charles260
Hart, Frank67, 116, 241, 389
Haselden, W. K.16, 36, 94, 110, 126, 204, 222, 238, 252, 302,
380, 422
Henry, Thomas428
Hoggarth, Graham340
Jennis, G.35, 74, 261, 321, 357
King, Gunning15
Leete, Alfred228
Low, Harry46
Mills, A. Wallis55, 203, 245, 257, 285, 364, 394, 412, 417
Morrison, J. A. C.80
Morrow, Edwin220, 411
Morrow, George40, 41, 60, 61, 96, 97, 128, 144, 160, 176,
188, 208, 224, 240, 256, 272, 304, 311, 320, 327,
352, 368, 384, 400, 416, 420
Norris, Arthur141, 289
Partridge, Bernard1, 172
Pegram, Fred57, 123, 161, 177, 200, 237, 280, 316, 379
Prance, Bertram66, 273
Raven-Hill, L.27, 136, 187, 219, 284, 367
Reynolds, Frank9, 49, 69, 101, 117, 149, 167, 189, 209, 229,
251, 264, 319, 333, 344, 363, 381, 395, 407, 427
St. John, D. G.129, 225, 372
Sargisson, R. M.19
Shepard, E. H.13, 37, 299, 405
Shepperson, C. A.10, 30, 77, 109, 151, 165, 181, 197, 248, 277,
312, 331, 343, 360, 408, 421
Stampa, G. L.50, 70, 88, 104, 113, 164, 180, 212, 235, 244,
267, 296, 324, 348, 373, 392
Stanforth, J. M.236
Stewart, W. D.192
Tennant, Dudley276
Thomas, Bert156, 231, 341
Townsend, F. H.5, 25, 33, 45, 53, 65, 73, 85, 90, 111, 120, 139, 152, 155, 171,
186, 199, 202, 215, 218, 230, 234, 250, 266, 271, 282, 287,
298, 314, 315, 330, 335, 346, 351, 362, 378, 391, 415, 426
Wallis, C. Alban293
Wigfull, W. Edward404
Wilson, David356