As this story in the C. Mery Talys is defective in consequence of the mutilation of the only known copy, the foregoing extract becomes valuable, as it exhibits what was probably the sequel in the prose version, from which the author of the Scholehouse of Women was no doubt a borrower.

P. 101. If a thousande soules may dance on a mannes nayle.—This is a different form of the common saying that a thousand angels can stand on the point of the needle. "One querying another, whether a thousand angels might stand on the point of a needle, another replied, 'That was a needles point.'"—Ward's Diary, ed. 1839, p. 94.

P. 106. Scot, in his Discovery of Witchcraft, 1584, ed. 1651, p. 191, has a story, which bears the mark of being the same as the one here entitled "Of the parson that stale the mylner's elys." The passage in Scot, which may help to supply the unfortunate lacuna in the C. Mery Talys, is as follows:—

"So it was, that a certain Sir John, with some of his company, once went abroad jetting, and in a moon-light evening, robbed a miller's weire and stole all his eeles. The poor miller made his mone to Sir John himself, who willed him to be quiet; for he would so curse the theef, and all his confederates, with bell, book, and candel, that they should have small joy of their fish. And therefore the next Sunday, Sir John got him to the pulpit, with his surplisse on his back, and his stole about his neck, and pronounced these words following in the audience of the people:—

'All you that have stolne the millers eeles,
Laudate Dominum de coelis,
And all they that have consented thereto,
Benedicamus Domino.'

Lo (saith he), there is savoe for your eeles, my masters."

P. 108. Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem, &c.—This story is also in Scoggin's Jests, 1626, and perhaps the lacunæ may be supplied from that source. Thus (the words supplied from Scoggin's Jests are in italics):—

"Then quod the prest: tel thy mayster that he must say the Masse which doth begin with a great R. [when the boy returned, the Prest asked him whether the Parson had told him what] masse, &c."

And again, a line or two lower down, there can be no doubt, on a comparison of Scoggin's Jests, p. 74, what the missing words are. We ought to read:—"but he had me tell you it began with a great R."




¶ Tales, and quicke
answers, very mery,
and pleasant to
rede.


Mery
Tales, Wittie

Questions

and Quicke Answeres,

Very pleasant to
be Readde.

IMPRINTED
at London
in Fleete strete, by
H. Wykes.
1567.


The Table.

 PAGE
Of hym that rode out of London, and had his seruaunt folowynge hym on foote. i.15
Of hym that preached on saynte Christofers day. ii.16
Of the frenche man that stroue with the Fanwaye for his armes. iii.ib.
Of the curate that sayde our lorde fedde fyue hundred persones. iiii.17
Of hym that profered his doughter to one in maryage. v.18
Of the men of the countrey, that came to London to bye a crucifixe of wodde. vi.ib.
Of hym that folowed his wyfe to buryeng. vii.19
Of hym that felle in to the fyre. viii.ib.
Of hym that used to calle his seruaunte the kynge of fooles. ix.20
Of the yonge woman, that sorowed so greatly the deathe of her husbande. x.21
Of hym that kyssed the fayre mayde with the longe nose. xi.ib.
Of the uplandysshe mans answere concernyng the steple and pulpytte. xii.23
Of the beggers aunswere to mayster Skelton the poete. xiii.ib.
Of the chaplen that sayde our ladye mattens lyenge in his bedde. xiiii.24
Of hym that loste his purse in London. xv.25
Of the marchaunt that loste his boudget betwene ware and London. xvi.26
Of him that was called kockold. xvii.27
Of the iolus man. xviii.28
Of the fat woman that sat and solde frute. xix.ib.
Of a poller that begyled a preste. xx.29
Of Papirius pretextatus. xxi.31
Of the corrupte man of lawe. xxii.33
Of kynge Lowes of Fraunce and the husbandman Conon. xxiii.34
Of a picke thanke, that thought to begyle the same moste prudent kynge. xxiiii.37
Of Thales the great astronomer, the whiche felle in to a ditche. xxv.38
Of the astronomer that theues robbed. xxvi.39
Of the plough man that wolde saye his paternoster with a stedfast mynde. xxvii.ib.
Of him that dreamed he founde golde. xxviii.40
Of the crakynge yonge gentyll man that wolde ouerthrowe his enemys a myle of. xxix.42
Of him that fell of a tre and brake a rybbe in his syde. xxx.44
Of the fryer that brayed in his sermon. xxxi.45
The oration of th ambassadour that was sent to Pope Urban. xxxii.46
Of the ambassadour that was sent to the prince Agis. xxxiii.47
The answere of Cleomenes to the Samiens ambassadour. xxxiiii.ib.
Of the wyse man Piso, and his seruant. xxxv.48
Of the marchant that made a wager with his lorde. xxxvi.49
Of the scrowes that the frier gaue out against the pestilence. xxxvii.51
Of the physition that used to wryte bylles ouer nyght called resceytes. xxxviii.52
Of him that wolde confesse him by a lybell in wrytynge. xxxix.53
Of the hermite of Padowe. xl.54
Of the uplandissh man that saw the kyng. xli.56
Of the courtier that bade the boye to holde his horse. xlii.57
Of the deceytfull scriuener. xliii.ib.
Of him that sayde he beleved his wyfe better than other, that she was chaste. xliiii.59
Of him that paid his det with cryeng bea. xlv.60
Of the woman that appeled from kynge Philip to kynge Philip. xlvi.62
Of the olde woman that prayd for the welfare of the tyran Denyse. xlvii.63
Of the phisitian Eumonus. xlviii.64
Of Socrates and his scoldynge wyfe. xlix.65
Of the phisitian that bare his pacient on hand he had eaten an asse. l.ib.
Of the inholders wyfe, and her ii louers. li.67
Of hym that healed franticke men. lii.68
Of hym that sayd he was nat worthy to open the gate to the kynge. liii.70
Of Mayster Uauasour and Turpyn his manne. liiii.ib.
Of hym that sought his wyfe, that was drowned, agaynst the streme. lv.72
Of hym that at a skyrmyssh defended hym valiauntly with his feete. lvi.73
Of hym that wolde gyue a songe to the tauerner for his dyner. lvii.74
Of the foole that thought him selfe deed, whan he was a lyue. lviii.75
Of the olde man and his sonne that brought his asse to the towne to sylle. lix.78
Of him that sought his asse, and rode upon his backe. lx.80
The answere of Fabius to Liuius. lxi.81
The answere of Poltis the kynge of Trace to the Troyan ambassadours. lxii.82
The wyse answere of Haniball to kynge Antiochus concerninge his ryche army. lxiii.83
The wordes of Popilius the Romayn ambassadour to Antiochus the kynge. lxiiii.ib.
Of hym that loued the marchantes wyfe. lxv.84
Of the woman that couered her heed, and shewed up her tayle. lxvi.86
How Alexander was monisshed to slee the firste that he mette. lxvii.ib.
How the aunciente cyte of Lamsac was saued from destruction. lxviii.87
Howe Demosthenes defended a mayde. lxix.88
Of him that desyred to be a gentylman. lxx.89
Of the gentyllman and his shrewd wife. lxxi.90
Of the two yonge men that rode to Walsyngham to gether. lxxii.91
Of the yong man of Brugis and his spouse. lxxiii.92
Of him that made as he hadde ben a chaste lyuer. lxxiiii.93
Of him that the olde roode fell on. lxxv.94
Of the wydowe that wolde not wedde for bodily pleasure. lxxvi.95
Of the couetous ambassadour, that wolde here no musike for sparinge of his purse. lxxvii.ib.
Howe Denyse the tyran of Syracuse serued a couetouse man. lxxix.97
Of the old man that quyngered the boy oute of the aple tre with stones. lxxx.98
Of the ryche man that was sycke and wolde not receyue a glyster. lxxxi.99
Of him that feyned him selfe deed, to proue what his wyfe wolde do. lxxxii.ib.
Of the poure man, in to whose house theues brake by nyght. lxxxiii.101
Of him that shulde haue ben hanged for his scoffinge and his iestynge. lxxxiiii.ib.
Of him that had his goose stole. lxxxv.102
Of the begger that sayde he was of kynne to kynge Phylip of Macedone. lxxxvi.103
Of Dantes answere to the iester. lxxxvii.ib.
Of hym that had sore eies. lxxxviii.104
Of the olde woman that had sore eies. lxxxix.105
Of hym that had the custody of a warde. xc.106
Of the excellente peynter, that hadde foule chyldren. xci.ib.
Of the scoffer that made one a southsayer. xcii.107
Of the marchant of Florence, Charles. xciii.ib.
Of the chesshire man called Eulyn. xciiii.108
Of hym that desyred to be sette vpon the pyllorye. xcv.109
Of the wydowes daughter, that was sente to the abbot with a couple of capons. xcvi.111
Of the two men that dranke a pynte of whyte wyne to gether. xcvii.112
Of the doctour that desyred to go with a fouler to catche byrdes. xcviii.114
Of hym that undertoke to teache an asse to spelle and rede. xcix.115
Of the fryer that confessed the fayre woman. c.116
Of the chapplen of Louen called syr Antonye that deceyued an vserer. ci.118
Of the same chaplen and his spiter. cii.119
Of the olde manne that putte hym selfe in his sonnes handes. ciii.121
Of hym that had a flye peynted in his shilde. ciiii.122
Of the emperour Augustus and the olde men. cv.123
Of Phocions oration to the Atheniens. cvi.ib.
Of Demosthenes and Phocion. cvii.124
Of the aunswere of Phocion to them that brought hym a great gyfte from Alexander. cviii.ib.
Of Denyse the tyran and his sonne. cix.125
Of Pomponius the Romayne that was taken and brought before Mithridates. cx.ib.
Of Titus and the scoffer. cxi.126
Of Scipio Nasica, and Ennius the poete. cxii.ib.
Of Fabius Minutius and his sonne. cxiii.127
Of Aurelian the emperour, that was displeased, bycause the citie Tyana was closed agaynste him. cxiiii.128
Of the Nunne forced that durst not crie. cxv.129
Of him that sayde he was the Diuelles man. cxvi.ib.
Of the vplandishe priest, that preached of Charitie. cxvii.130
An other sayinge of the same preest. cxviii.131
Of the fryer that praysed sainct Frauncis. cxix.133
Of hym that warned his wife of wasshynge her face in foule puddell water. cxx.ib.
Of the husband man that caused his iudge to geue sentence agaynst him selfe. cxxi.134
Of the Italian frier that shoulde preach before the B. of Rome and his cardinals. cxxii.ib.
Of the doctour that sayd, in Erasmus workes were heresies. cxxiii.136
Of the frier that preached at Paules crosse agaynst Erasmus. cxxiiii.137
Of an other frier that taxed Erasmus for writyng Germana theologia. cxxv.138
Of an other that inueighed agaynst the same Erasmus. cxxvi.ib.
Of kyng Richarde the iii. and the Northern man. cxxvii.139
Of the Canon and his man. cxxviii.140
Of the same Canon and his sayd man. cxxix.ib.
Of the gentilman that checked hys seruant for talke of ryngyng. cxxx.141
Of the blynde man and his boye. cxxxi.142
Of him that sold two lodes of hey. cxxxii.ib.
How a mery man deuised to cal people to a playe. cxxxiii.145
How the image of the dyuell was lost and sought. cxxxiiii.148
Of Tachas, kyng of Aegypt, and Agesilaus. cxxxv.149
Of Corar the Rhetorician, and Tisias hys scoler. cxxxvi.150
Of Augustus and Athenodorus the Phylosopher. cxxxvii.151
Of the frenche kyng and the brome seller. cxxxviii.152
An other tale of the same frenche kyng. cxxxix.153
What an Italyan fryer dyd in his preaching. cxl.155

TALES
AND
QUICKE ANSWERES.

Of hym that rode out of London and had his seruaunt folowynge on foote. i.

¶ There was a manne on a tyme that rode v myle out of London, and had his seruaunt folowyng after hym on fote, the whiche came so nere, that the horse strake hym a great stroke vpon the thye. The seruaunte, thynkynge to be reuenged, toke and threwe a great stone at the horse, and hytte his mayster on the raynes of the backe, who thought it had bene his horse. He within a whyle loked backe and chydde his seruaunte, bycause he came haltynge so farre behynde. The seruaunt aunswered: Sir, your horse hath gyuen me suche a stroke vpon my thygh, that I can go no faster. Trewely, sayde his mayster, the horse is a great kyckar, for lyke-wyse with his hele right nowe[146] he gaue me a great stroke vpon the raynes of my backe.

Of hym that preched on saynt Chrystophers day. ii.

¶ A fryere that preached vpon a saynt Christofers daye, greatly laudynge saynte Christopher, sayde: what a prerogatyue hadde he here in erthe in his armes to beare our Sauioure! was there euer any lyke hym in grace? A homely blount felowe, heryng hym aske twyse or thryse that question so ernestly, answered: yes, mary: the asse that bare both hym and his mother.

Of the frenche man, that stroue with the Janway for his armes. iii.

¶ There was one amonge the Janwayes[147] that the Frenche kyng had hyred to make warre agaynst the Englysshe men, which bare an oxe heed paynted in his shelde: the whiche shelde a noble man of France challenged: and so longe they stroue, that they must needs fyght for it. So, at a day and place appoynted, the frenche gallaunt came into the felde, rychely armed at all peces.[148] The Janway all vnarmed came also in to the felde, and said to the frenche man: wherfore shall we this day fyght? Mary, sayd the frenche man, I wyll make good with my body, that these armes were myne auncetours' before thyne. What were your auncetours' armes, quod the Janwaye? An oxe heed, sayd the frenche man. Than, sayde the Janwaye, here needeth no batayle: for this that I beare is a cowes heed.

By thys tale ye perceyue howe nycely the vayne braggynge of the frenche man was deryded.

Of the curate that sayde our Lorde fedde U. C. persons. iiii.

¶ A certayne curate, preachynge on a tyme to his parysshens sayde, that our Lorde with fyue loues fedde v hundred persones. The clerke, herynge hym fayle,[149] sayde softely in his eare: Sir, ye erre; the gospell is v. thousande. Holde thy peace, foole, said the curate; they wyll scantly beleue, that they were fyue hundred.

Of hym that profered his doughter in mariage. v.

¶ There was a man vpon a tyme, whiche profered his doughter to a yonge man in mariage, the which yonge manne refused her, sayenge, that she was to yonge to be maryed. I wys, quod her foolysshe father, she is more able than ye wene. For she hath borne iii. children by our parysshe cleeke.

Lo, by this tale ye se, that foles can nat telle what and whan to speake: therfore it were best for them to kepe alway silence.

Of them that came to London to bye a Crucifixe. vi.

¶ There were certayne men vpon a tyme sent out of a village to London to bye a Crucifixe of wodde. The Caruer that they came to, seynge and herynge by theyr wordes, that they were but folysshe blount felowes, asked them, whether they wolde haue the ymage a lyue or elles deade; whiche question so abasshed them, that they went a syde to deuyse whether[150] was beste. So whan they had spoken priuely to gether, they came to the caruer agayne and said they wold haue the image a lyue: for, if theyr neighbours at home where nat so contente, they myghte lyghtly[151] kylle hym.

Of hym that folowed his wyfe to buryenge. vii.

¶ A man, that wepynge folowed his wyfe to buryenge, rebuked his lyttel sonne, that wente with hym, because he sange, sayenge that he was peuysshe and madde to synge at his mothers buryenge, but he shulde rather be sory and wepe. The chylde answered: father, seynge ye gyue to these prestes money to synge at my mothers buryenge, why be ye angry with me, that aske you nothynge for my syngynge? His father aunswered: the preestes offyce and thyne is nat all one.

By thys tale ye may perceyue that all thynges beseme nat euery body.

Of hym that felle into the fyre. viii.

¶ A felowe, that was frowarde to his wyfe, vsed to be oute drynkynge many tymes verye late. So on a nyghte he taryed so longe oute, that his wyfe wente to bedde, and badde her mayde make a good fyre, and tarye vp for hym. About xij. of the clocke home he came, and as he stode warmynge him by the fyre his heed was so tottye,[152] that he felle into the fyre. The mayde, seing him fall, ranne vp cryenge to her maistres, and sayd: Alas! my maister is fallen and lyeth longe straughte in the fyre. No force,[153] mayde, said her maistres, let him lye and take his pleasure in his owne house, where so euer him listeth.

Of him that vsed to cal his servant the kinge of foles. ix.

¶ There was a man that had a dulle lumpisshe felow to his seruant, wherfore he vsed commonly to call him the kinge of fooles. The felow at laste waxed angry in his minde to be alway so called and sayde to his mayster: I wolde that I were the kinge of foles: for then no man coulde compare with me in largenes of kingedome, and also you shulde be my subiect. By this one may perceiue, that to moch of one thing is not good: many one calleth an other fole, and is more fole him selfe.

Of the yonge woman that sorowed so greatly her husbondes deth. x.

¶ There was a yonge woman, the whiche for her husbande, that laye a dyenge, sorowed oute of all measure, wherfore her father came often to her and sayde: daughter, leaue your mourninge: for I haue prouyded for you a nother husbande, a farre more goodly man. But she did nat onely continue in her sorowe, but also was greatly displeased, that her father made any motion to her of an other husbande. As sone as she had buryed her husbande, and the soule masse was songe, and that they were at dyner, betwene sobbynge and wepynge she rowned[154] her father in the eare, and sayde: father, where is the same yonge man, that ye said shuld be min husbande? Lo, thus may ye se, that women sorowe ryght longe, after theyr husbondes be departed to God.

Of him that kissed the mayd with the longe nose. xi.

¶ A bablynge gentylman, the whiche on a tyme wolde haue bassed[155] a fayre mayde, that had nat the leest nose, sayde: how shulde I kysse you: youre nose wyll not suffre our lyppes to mete? The mayden, waxinge shamfast and angrye in her mynde (for with his scoffe he a lyttell touched her) answered on this wyse: syr, if ye can not kysse my mouth for my nose, ye may kysse me there as I haue nere a nose.

Ye may by this tale lerne, that it is folye so to scoffe, that youre selfe therby shulde be laughed to scorne agayne. One that is ouer-couetous ought nat to attwite[156] an other of prodigalite. Thou arte her brother (sayd Alcmeon to Adrastus) that slewe her husbande. But he blamed nat Alcmeon for an others faute, but obiected against him his owne. Thou hast with thy hande (sayd he) slayne thin owne mother. It is nat ynough to haue rebukes redie, and to speke vyle wordes agaynst other: for he, that so shuld do, ought to be without any vyce. For of all men, sayth Plutarchus, he ought to be innocent and haue the lyfe vnculpable, that wolde reprehende the fautes of other. The lyttell morall boke[157] sayth:

It is a foule thynge worthye rebuke and blame
A vyce to reprehende and do the same.

The Uplandisshe mans answere, concerninge the steple and pulpit. xii.

¶ In a certayne place, on a tyme the perysshyns[158] had pulled downe theyr steple, and had buylded it vp newe agayne, and had put out theyr belles to be newe-founded: and bycause they range nat at the bysshops entrynge into the village, as they were wont and acustomed to do, he asked a good homely man, whether they had no belles in theyr steple: he answered: no! Than, sayde the bysshop, ye may sylle aweye[159] your steple. Why so, and please your lordship, sayd the man? Bycause hit stondeth vacant, said the bysshop. Than sayde the man, we may well sylle away an other thinge, that we haue in our churche. What is that, sayd the bysshop? That is a pulpit, quod he. For this vii yere ther was no sermon made therin.

Of the beggers answere to M. Skelton the poete. xiii.

¶ A poure begger, that was foule, blacke and lothlye to beholde, cam vpon a tyme vnto mayster Skelton the poete, and asked him his almes. To whom mayster Skelton sayde: I praye the, gette the awaye fro me: for thou lokeste as though thou camest out of helle. The poure man, perceyuing he wolde gyue him no thynge, answerd: For soth, syr, ye say trouth, I came oute of helle. Why dyddest thou nat tary styl there, quod mayster Skelton? Mary, syr, quod the begger, there is no roume for suche poure beggers as I am: all is kepte for suche gentyl men as ye be.

Of the chaplen, that sayde our lady matens a bed. xiiii.

¶ A certayne lorde's chaplen bosted on a tyme, syttynge at his lorde's table, that he sayde our lady matyns euery morninge besyde all his other seruice and orisons. The lorde, to proue whether his chaplen did as he sayde, arose yerly on a morninge, and went to his chaplen's chamber, and called hym, saying: where be ye, syr wylliam? Here, and please your lordshyp (quod he), in my bedde. Why, sayd the lorde, I thought ye had ben vp and sayenge of our lady matyns. I am nowe sayinge it, quod the chappleyn. What! lienge in your bedde, quod the lord? why, syr, sayd the chapplain, where shudde women be serued but a bedde?

Of him that lost his purse in London. xv.

¶ A certayn man of the countre, the whiche for busines came vp to London, lost his purse as he wente late in the euenynge; and by cause the somme therin was great, he sette vp bylles in dyuers places that, if any man of the cyte had founde the purse, and wolde brynge it agayne to him, he shulde haue welle for his laboure. A gentyll man of the Temple wrote vnder one of the byls, howe the man shulde come to his chamber, and tolde [him] where. So, whan he was come, the gentyll man asked him fyrst what was in the purse; secondli, what countrey man he was, and thirdly, what was his name? Syr, quod he, xx nobles was inne the pourse; I am halfe a walshe man; and my name is John vp Janken.[160] John vp Jankyn (sayde the gentyll man), I am gladde I knowe thy name: for so longe as I lyue, thou nor none of thyn name shal haue my purse to kepe; and nowe fare well, gentyll John vp Jankyn. Thus he was mocked to scorne and went his way.

Hereby ye may perceyue, that a man can not haue a shrewde tourne, but otherwhyle a mocke withall.

Of the marchaunt that lost his bodgette betwene Ware and Lon[don]. xvi.

¶ A certayne marchant betwene Ware and London lost his bodget and a c li. therin, wherfore he caused to proclayme in dyuers market townes, that who so euer[161] founde the sayde bodget, and wolde bryng it agayne, shulde haue xx li. for his labour. An honeste husbandeman, that chaunsed to fynde the sayde bodget, brought it to the baily[162] of Ware, accordynge to the crye, and required his xx li. for his labour, as it was proclaymed. The couetous marchant, whan he vnderstode this, and that he muste nedes pay xx li. for the fyndynge, he sayd, that there was an c and xx li. in his bodgette, and so wolde haue hadde his owne money and xx li. ouer. So longe they stroue, that the matter was brought before mayster Vauasour the good Judge. Whan he vnderstode by the bayllye, that the crye was made for a bodget with an c li. therin, he demanded where hit[163] was? Here, quod the bailly, and toke it vnto him. Is it iust an c li. sayde the Judge? Ye, trulye, quod the baillye. Holde, sayde the Judge (to him that founde the bodget), take thou this money vnto thyne owne vse: and if thou hap to fynde a bodgette with a c and xx li. therin, brynge it to this honest marchante man. It is myn; I lost no more but an c li. quod the marchant. Ye speke nowe to late, quod the Judge.

By this tale ye may vnderstande, that they that go about to disceyue other, be often tymes disceyued them selfe. And some tyme one fallethe in the dytche, that he him selfe made.

Of him that was called cuckolde. xvii.

¶ A certayne man, whiche vpon a tyme in company betwene ernest and game was called cuckolde, went angerly home to his wife and sayde: wyfe, I was this day in company called kockolde; whether am I one or nat? Syr, truly, sayde she, ye be none. By my fayth (sayde he), thou shall swere so vpon this boke; and helde to her a boke. She denyed it longe; but whan she sawe there was no remedy, she sayde: well, sythe I must nedes swere, I promyse you by my faythe, I will swere truly. Yea, do so, quod he. So she toke the boke in her hande and sayd: By this boke, syr, ye be a cokolde. By the masse, hore, sayd he, thou lyest! thou sayste it for none other cause but to anger me.

By this tale ye may parceyue, that it is nat best at all tymes for a man to beleue his wife, though she swere vpon a boke.

Of the iolous man. xviii.

¶ A man that was ryght iolous on his wyfe, dreamed on a nyght as he laye a bed with her and slepte, that the dyuell aperd vnto him and sayde: woldest thou nat be gladde, that I shulde put the in suretie of thy wife? Yes, sayde he. Holde, sayde the dyuell, as longe as thou hast this rynge vpon thy fynger, no man shall make the kockolde. The man was gladde therof, and whan he awaked, he founde his fynger in * * * * * * * *.

Of the fatte woman that solde frute. xix.

¶ As a greate fatte woman sate and solde frute in a Lente, there came a yonge man bye, and behelde her frute ernestly, and specially he caste his eyes on her fygges. She asked him, as was her gyse: syr, wyll ye haue any fygges; they be fayre and good? And whan she sawe he was content, she sayde, howe manye? wyll ye haue fyue li? He was content. So she wayed him oute fyue li. into his lappe: and whyle she layde aside her balaunce, he wente his waye faire and softely. Whan she tourned to haue taken her[164] money, and sawe her chapman go his waye, she made after apace, but faster with her voice than with hir fote. He, dissemblinge the mater, wente styll forth on. She made suche a cryenge and folkes gathered so faste, that he stode styll. So in the preace he shewed to the people all the matter, and said: I bought nothing of hir; but that that she vnbyd gaue me, I toke; and if she wyll, I am contente to go before the Justice.

Of a poller that begyled a prest. xx.

¶ Vpon a tyme in Andwarpe a false pollynge[165] felowe came vnto a certeyne preste, that hadde his purse hangynge at his gyrdell strouttinge[166] oute full of money that he a lytell before had resceyued, and gentilly gretynge hym sayde: good Mayster, our parysshe preste bad me bye him a palle[167] (which is the vppermoste vestement, that a preste syngeth masse in); if it wolde please you to go with me, I were moche bounde to you: for our curat and you be of one stature. The preste was contente. Whan they came there where he wolde bye it, the palle was broughte forth, and the preste dyd it on: the poller loketh and toteth[168] thereon, and preyseth it, but he layde a wyte,[169] that it was to shorte before. Nay, quod the syller, the faute is nat in the vestement, hit is the strouttinge purse vnderneth that beareth hit up. Shortely to speake, the prest dyd of his purse, and layde hit by, and than the vestiment they behelde agayne. Whan the poller sawe the preste was tourned, he snatched vp the purs, and toke his legges and to go.[170] The preste rounne after with the vestement on his backe: and the vestement-maker after the prest. The prest bad stop the thefe, the siller bad stop the prest, the poller bade holde the mad preste, and euery man wende[171] he had ben mad in dede, bicause he had the vestement on his backe; and so whyle one letted an other, the false poller went his waye.

Of Papirius pretextatus. xxi.

Aulus Gellius[172] reherseth, how the Senatours of Rome on a tyme helde a great counsaile. Before which tyme the senatours chyldren, called of their garmentes Pueri pretextati, vsed to come into the parlemente house with theyre fathers. So at this tyme a chylde, called Papyrius, cam in with his father and herde the great counsayl the which was straytely commaunded to be kept secrete, tyll hit was decreed. Whan this chylde came home, his mother asked him what the counsaile was. The chylde answered, hit oughte nat to be tolde. Now was his mother more desyrous to knowe hit than she was before; wherfore she enquered more straitly and more violentlye. The chylde, beinge sore constrayned of his mother, shortelye deuysed a propre merye leasynge.[173] It is reasoned in the parlemente (quod he), whether of both[174] shulde be more profytable for the comon welth, a man to haue ii wiues or els a woman ii husbandes. Whan she harde him saye so, her mynde was pacified: and forth-with she wente and tolde hit to the other matrones.

On the morowe, a great company of the moste notable wyues of Rome came to the parlemente house weping, and humbly prayeng, that rather one woman shuld be maryed vnto ii men than ii wemen to one man. The Senatours entringe into the court, what with the sodayn assembling of the wyues and of their request, were right sore astonied. Than the childe Papyrius stode forth, and enformed the senatours, how his mother wold haue compelled him to vtter the secrete counsayle: and howe he, to contente her mynde, feyned that leasynge. For which dede the Senatours right hyghly commended the childes fydelite and wytte. And forth-with they made a law, that no child after that (saue only Papirius) shuld come in to the parlement house with his father. And for his great prudence in that tender age he hadde gyuen to hym, to his great honour, this surname Pretextatus.

Whereby ye may se, that the hygh treasure of man, and greattest grace, rested in well-ordrynge of the tonge. The moste prudent poete Hesiodus sayth: The tonge shulde not ronne at large, but be hydde as a precious treasure: for, of all the membres of man, the tonge yll-ordered is the worste. The tonge blasphemeth God. The tonge slaundereth thy neyghbour. The tonge breaketh peace, and stereth vp cruell warre, of all thynges to mankynde moste mischefull; the tonge is a broker of baudrye; the tonge setteth frendes at debate; the tonge with flatterynge, detraction and wanton tales enfecteth pure and clene myndes; the tonge without sworde or venome strangleth thy brother and frende; and brefely to speake, the tonge teacheth cursed heresyes, and of good Christiens maketh Antichristes.

Of the corrupte man of lawe. xxii.

¶ There was a man of lawe, whiche on a tyme shulde be iudge betwene a poure man and a ryche: the poure man came, and gaue hym a glasse of oyle (whiche was as moche as his power wold stretche to) and desyred, that he wolde be good in his matter. Yes, quod he, the matter shall passe[175] with the. The riche man, perceyuynge that, sente to the same iudge a fatte hogge, and prayed hym to be fauorable on his syde. Wherfore he gaue iudgement agaynst the poure man. Whan the poure man sawe that he was condemned, pytously complaynyng he sayd to the Judge: syr, I gaue you a glasse of oyle, and ye promysed by your faith, the matter shulde passe with me. To whom the iuge sayde: for a trouth there came a hogge into my house, whiche founde the glasse of oyle, and ouerthrewe and brake it: and so through spyllynge of the oyle I cleane forgot the.

Wherby ye may se, that euermore amonge
The ryche hath his wyll, the pore taketh wronge.

Of kynge Lowes of France, and the husbandman. xxiii.

¶ What tyme kynge Lowes of Fraunce, the xi of that name, bycause of the trouble that was in the realme, kepte hym selfe in Burgoyne, he chaunced by occasion of huntinge to come acqueynted with one Conon a homely husbande man, and a plaine meanynge felowe, in whiche maner of men the hygh princes greatly delyte them. To this man's house the kynge ofte resorted from huntynge. And with great pleasure he wolde eate radysshes rotes with hym. Within a whyle after, whan Lowes was restored home, and had the gouernaunce of France in his hande, this husbandeman was counsailed by his wyfe to take a goodiy sorte of radysshe rotes and to go and gyue them to the kyng, and put him in mind of the good chere, that he had made hym at his house. Conon wolde nat assente therto. What folysshe woman! quod he, the greate princes remembre nat suche smalle pleasures. But for all that she wolde not reste, tyll Conon chose out a great syght[176] of the fayrest rootes, and toke his iourney towarde the courte. But as he went by the way, he yete vp all the radysshes save one of the greattest.

Conon peaked[177] into the courte, and stode where the kynge shulde passe by: By and by the kynge knewe hym, and called hym to hym. Conon stepte to the kynge and presented his rote with a gladde chere. And the kynge toke it more gladly, and bad one, that was nerest to hym, to laye it vp amonge those iewels that he best loued; and than commaunded Conon to dyne with hym. Whan dyner was done, he thanked Conon: and whan the kyng sawe that he wolde departe home, he commaunded to gyue hym a thousande crownes of golde for his radisshe rote. Whan this was knowen in the kinges house, one of the court gaue the kyng a propre mynion[178] horse. The king, perceiuing that he dyd it, bicause of the liberalite shewed vnto Conon, with very glad chere he toke the gyft, and counsailed with his lordes, howe and with what gyft he myght recompence the horse, that was so goodly and faire. This meanewhile the picke-thank had a meruailous great hope, and thought in his mynde thus: if he so wel recompensed the radysshe rote, that was gyuen of a rusticall man, howe moche more largely wyl he recompence suche an horse, that is gyuen of me that am of the courte? Whan euery man had sayde hys mynde, as though the kynge had counsayled aboute a great weyghty matter, and that they hadde longe fedde the pycke thanke with vayne hope, at last the kyng sayd: I remembre nowe, what we shal gyue hym; and so he called one of his lordes, and badde hym in his eare go fetche hym that that he founde in his chambre (and told hym the place where) featly[179] folded vp in sylke. Anone he came and brought the radysshe roote, and euen as it was folded vp, the kyng with his owne hand gaue it to the courtier, sayenge: we suppose your horse is well recompensed with this iewell, for it hath cost vs a thousande crownes. The courtier went his way neuer so glad, and whan he had vnfolded it, he found none other treasure but the radysshe rote almoste wethered.[180]

Of an other picke-thanke, and the same kinge. xxiiii.

¶ Vpon a time a seruant of the fornamed kinges, seynge a louce crepe vpon the kynges robe, kneled downe and put vp his hande, as though he wolde do somwhat, and as the kynge bowed hym self a lyttell, the man toke the louce, and conueyed her away priuely. The kynge asked hym what it was, but he was ashamed to shew. So moche the kyng instanted[181] hym, that at laste he confessed hit was a louce. Oh! quod the kynge, it is good lucke: for this declareth me to be a man. For that kynde of vermyne principally greueth mankynde, specially in youth. And so the kynge commanded to gyue him fyfty crownes for his labour.

Nat longe after, an other, seynge that the kynge gaue so good a rewarde for so smalle a pleasure, came and kneled downe, and put vp his hande, and made as though he toke and conueyed some what priuelye awaye. And whan the kynge constrayned him to tell what hit was, with moche dissemblyng shamfastnes he sayd, hit was a flee. The kynge, perceyuinge his dissimulation, sayd to him: what, woldest thou make me a dogge? and so for his fifty crownes, that he prooled[182] for, the kinge commaunded to gyue him fiftye strypes.

Wherby ye may note, that there is great difference betwene one that doth a thynge of good will and mynde, and hym that doth a thynge by crafte and dissymulation; whiche thinge this noble and moste prudent prince well vnderstode. And one ought to be well ware[183] howe he hath to do with highe princes and their busynes. And if Ecclesiast[es] forbid, that one shall mynde none yll to a kynge, howe shulde any dare speake yll?