A FYTTE OF THE BLUES.

By an Old "Crock."

(After reading the rattling verses of "Tis," entitled "Good Luck!" in the "Granta.")

TIM O'HOWLIGAN'S LAMENT.

Air—"Arrah! darlints, we can't do without ye!"

A Complaint and Simple Remedy.— Among the Requests in our ecclesiastical contemporary, The Guardian, recently appeared one asking for an effectual way of "“exterminating dry rot, and preventing its re-appearance in a church.”" Why doesn't the reverend inquirer try somebody else's Sermons? Or have no Sermons at all?

Nothing more delights our old friend than to get hold of a real good word, and use it with effect. "I wish I knew what is going to win the Derby this year," observed her Niece. "Ah, my dear," replied her Aunt, "I might be able to tell you if I were a Vaccinator."

Best Day in the Week for making a Proposal of Marriage.—In London, Monday is the most appropriate, as being dedicated to the "Monday Pops."

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, March 6.—"The Speaker took the Chair at three o'clock." That is an extract from the Journals of the House, a fascinating literary work, ably edited by Mr. Palgrave with the assistance of Mr. Milman, much in favour at Mudie's. Last time I saw Speaker rise from Chair was Banquet at Mansion House given by way of farewell to M. Waddington. Very remarkable scene it was. In ordinary times Speaker of House of Commons is personally unknown to outside public. He takes no part in debate; never goes on Midlothian Campaigns; belongs to no faction; has no political following; and should have no enemy. British public, regarding with close attention the fascinating arena at Westminster, have evidently formed clear opinion of its present President. When list of guests whom Lord Mayor delighted to honour read out by Toastmaster, name of Speaker received with enthusiastic and prolonged applause. House of Commons men present, of whom there was large muster, evidently taken by surprise. They know the Speaker, because they daily live with him. How outside public should have been seized with such keen appreciation of his worth was more than they were prepared for.

This may have been, probably was, to some extent a succès d'estime. Mr. Peel's speech was genuine triumph; very brief, the shortest of the series, but incomparably the best; lofty in tone, perfect in delivery, saying just the right thing at the right moment in the right way. Its effect at Mansion House something like that which electrified House when Mr. Peel, standing on steps of Chair, faced it for first time as its Speaker, revealing, even to those who had known him long, the full depths of his nature and the towering height of his capacity.

"Mon Dieu, Tobee," said an eminent Frenchman, "the world in both hemispheres has always envied you the possession of your House of Commons. Now we know you have a Speaker worthy of its best traditions."

Banquet a great success; certainly the most brilliant galaxy of guests drawn together in same place since Mr. Phelps, the American Minister, said farewell in memorable speech. Much struck with completeness of arrangements. Even the waiters imbued with consciousness of great occasion.

"Hope you enjide your dinner, Sir?" said one to me, when dessert placed on table.

"Excellent," I said; "perhaps the whitebait done a little too much; showed tendency to present itself in fragments; but 'twas nothing."

"Yessir," said the Waiter, diligently brushing off imaginary crumbs. "I'm going now, Sir."

"Ah," I said; "then I suppose you don't wait to hear the speeches; flow of reason, you know, quite a treat."

"Yessir," said he, still pegging away at the spotless table-cloth. "Can I get you anything more, Sir?"

"No, thank you," I said, quite touched at the man's considerate attention, the more marked since, as far as I recognised him, I had not seen him before. "I've done excellently."

"Yessir. I'm going now." Hardly seemed able to part. Not sure whether, in circumstances of international amity, I shouldn't have shaken hands with him. Made half advance in that direction. He quickly advanced his hand, but after glance at my extended palm, as rapidly withdrew it. Perhaps he was right. Not usual to shake hands with Waiter, though really, on occasion like this, one might disregard conventionalities. Waiter lingeringly withdrew, still keeping his eye on me, as if expecting me to call him back. Nodded a friendly farewell, and pensively peeled an orange, thinking how one touch of nature makes us kin. This good Waiter and I quite subdued by the graceful, generous thought of Lord Mayor Knill, who has added one more link to the chain that binds in amity two nations that have fought all the way from Cressy to Waterloo.

Business done.—Got into Committee on Navy Estimates. In the Lobby sort of rehearsal of new Battle of Boyne. The other night Saunderson said something disrespectful of Irish Members. Willie Redmond, from his proud position among nobility and gentry above Gangway, called out, "You wouldn't say that in the Lobby." "Say it anywhere," responded the Colonel, ever ready to oblige.

Next day wrote letter to Redmond, incidentally mentioning that if he wanted to hear the words over again, should meet him in Lobby to-night after questions. Nothing nearer Redmond's heart's desire. At five o'clock Colonel, accompanied by another military gentleman, carrying his cloak, a pair of pistols, a stiletto, a bottle of eau de Cologne, a sponge, and a clothes-brush, sternly strode into Lobby. Carefully counted paces till he was standing as nearly as possible on centre tile; folded arms, and wished that Night or Redmond would come. Colonel Waring, with military accoutrements and cloak; stood a pace and a half to the left rear. Presently entered Redmond, accompanied by J. J. O'kelly, also carrying cloak. Secreted in folds were shillelagh, bottle of whiskey, pair of spurs, a toothpick, and a freshly-minted crown-piece. This last, at suitable moment, to be flung across Lobby; (friend secretly told off to be on alert to pick it up.) Action to be explained as typical of throwing King's Crown into the Boyne. The principals approaching, Redmond, after manner of schoolboys, who edge up to each other, each hoping the other doesn't want to fight, asked Colonel to "say it again." "Certainly; but say what?" Here difficulty began, which spoiled whole business. Redmond insisted upon being called a murderer. Saunderson punctilious on minor points, wouldn't go quite so far in his desire to oblige. Angry altercation followed; Members, to number of something like hundred, formed ring. Redmond, with right shoulder aggressively hoisted, spoke over it at the Colonel. Colonel stood erect, with hands loosely hanging by his side, ready for emergencies. Crowd grew thicker and more excited. "Expected every moment would be our next," as Clancy breathlessly put it. But in the end storm blew itself out. Nothing happened, and crowd disappointedly dispersed.

Ulster will fight,
But——not to-night.

Thursday.—Opposition mustered to-day in high spirits; meeting at Carlton yesterday addressed by Markiss and Prince Arthur; Grandolph, looking in, took back seat in his customary retiring fashion. Meeting insisted on his coming to the front; made spirited speech; scarcely a dry eye in the Club when, looking shyly across at Prince Arthur, he alluded to him as his "old political friend," his "brilliant and esteemed Parliamentary Leader."

"I think," said the Markiss, as meeting dispersed, "this will drive nail in coffin of Home-Rule Bill, and make things pretty hot for Mr. G. As Hart Dyke epigrammatically puts it, 'We Unionists, above all others, should be united.'"

This, as I mentioned, happened yesterday. This afternoon Opposition mustered in anticipation of aggressive action by Mr. G. Had given notice to move suspension of Twelve o'Clock Rule, in order to make progress with Estimates.

"Not if we know it," said Right Hon. James Lowther, commonly called "Jemmie."

Mr. G., previous to moving Resolution, explained there was no intention of sitting late; Suspension Standing Order was matter of precaution designed to prevent arbitrary carrying over of Amendments when adequately discussed. Prince Arthur's keen eye discerned that this might be so construed as to convey no advantage to Government. When twelve o'clock came Debate might be diverged on to lines of wrangle round Question of Adjournment, and so House up and nothing done. On this understanding he declared he would not resist Motion of Leader of House. Then Jemmie, rushing to the front, made the running. Did Mr. G. intend, in any case, to take Second Reading of Home-Rule Bill on Thursday next? Mr. G. nodded assent. "Very well, then I'll divide against you," Jemmie roared across the pained figure of his esteemed Leader. Not to be moved by blandishment or argument from this position. Prince Arthur, seeing matters hopeless, haughtily strode forth, Grandolph loyally accompanying him. But more than half his old colleagues stayed behind with Jemmie Lowther who got Opposition soundly beaten by majority of 85.

"There's only one thing we want to run our majority over 100," said Squire of Malwood, smiling beneficently from Treasury Bench. "Another meeting of the Party at the Carlton Club will do it."

"What did you mean by to-night's performance?" I asked Jemmie, later.

"Mean? I meant business. I'm a little tired of lurking in background seeing men come to front who haven't half my ability, political acumen, or Parliamentary knowledge. I intend to have a Party of my own. There has been a Fourth Party, and before that there was a Tea-room Party, and a Cave of Adullam. I shall eclipse them all."

"And under what name do you think history will know your faction?" I asked, much interested.

The Right Hon. took up a piece of paper, and on it wrote the words, "Lowther's Arcade."

Business done.—Wolmer's Amendment on the Navy Estimates negatived.

Friday.—Prince Arthur, and Statesman to whom Austen Chamberlain distantly alludes as "My Right Hon. friend," sit separated by width of House. But, in assaults on Government, they are not divided. Idle stories about differences of opinion arising between them quite unnecessarily denied.

"I never look at them," said Trevelyan, "without recalling to mind a passage in what is, I think, my favourite among Dickens's novels. You remember the scene in Great Expectations, where Joe Gargery visits Pip, in his day of prosperity, in London? 'Ever best of friends,' says Joe (Chamberlain). 'Dear Joe,' says Prince Arthur. 'You know, Pip,' says Joe, 'as you and me were ever friends, and it were looked forrerd to betwixt us as bein' calc'lated to lead to larks.'"

The expectation not lacking of past fulfilment; full of promise in days near at hand.

Business done.—Sat from two to seven discussing whether we shall sit to-morrow in order to make progress with public business. Finally decided we shall. Meanwhile, morning sitting slipped away.

Vino Italiano Con Temperanza.—Signor Vitali, of the Italian-Wine-in-England Mission, writes to us to say that Sir Wilfrid Lawson might temper his favourite beverage of Aqua Pura with half a gallon flask of Vinum Purum Italianum, such as Chianti, and he would be none the worse for it. We are inclined to agree with the Signor Vitali, as, in our opinion, there is small likelihood of any Italian wine-drinker "getting any forrader." Of course Signor Vitali, being somewhat interested in the matter, and therefore, most hopeful that his enterprise will result in orders for any number of flasks, and not end in an empty fiasco, would not fail to point out that Italian wine is likely to have a prolonged existence in this country, as it is not lacking in Vitali-ty.

TONE AND TINT.—(By a Wearer of the Green.)