Picturing the Various Modes of Melodramatic Murder. (By Our "Off-his"-Head Poet.)
No. III.—THE REVOLVER MURDER.
From Bow comes the fur that's on his coat,
From Germany comes his watch;
His trousers the "London make" denote,
His accent is Franco-Scotch;
His liquor is Special Scotch;
He "guesses" much, and he says "You bet";
His manner is slow and sly;
His smoke is a Turkish cigarette,
For he is a Russian Spy—
A blood-seeking Russian Spy!
Oh! how will the woes of Virtue end?
'Tis late in the Five-Act play;
And Fortune still is dark Vice's friend,
And villany holds its sway,
Its truly wonderful sway!
'Twould scarce be the thing for Vice to crow,
And Virtue to sink and die;
The end must arrive some time, we know—
So bring on your Russian Spy,—
Come, out with your Russian Spy!
It cannot be long! The time is here
For Virtue to pardon Vice,
Providing he does not live too near,
Or call more than once or twice—
Look in more than once or twice.
But wrongs are not brooked by Russian gents—
They're awfully angry fry!
The hero may pardon past events,
But not so the Russian Spy,—
'Tis death from the Russian Spy!
So as humbled Vice up stage retires,
Forgiven by him, he'd slay
(A noble revenge the House admires,
By utterly giving way—
By sniffingly giving way)—
The Spy, with revolver, comes down C.,
And aims at the evening sky,
And down tumbles Vice, as dead as three,
From lead from the Russian Spy!—
Oh! accurate Russian Spy!
(Being Evidence taken in the Palace of Truth.)
Question. And so you object to Theatres and Music-Halls?
Answer. Certainly; and know as much about one as the other.
Q. Do you approve of Shakspeare?
A. Certainly not; nor of any other playwright.
Q. Have you ever read a dramatic composition?
A. Never; it is against my principles to peruse such (so-called) literature.
Q. Then why do you object to the Author's work?
A. Because I know if I were Shakspeare or any of his colleagues, my writings would be entirely unfit for representation.
Q. Have you ever entered a Theatre?
A. Certainly not; and never shall.
Q. Have you visited a Music-Hall?
A. Emphatically no, and don't want to.
Q. Then why do you complain of them?
A. Because my imagination pictures them as indescribably horrible.
Q. How comes it that knowing so little, you have been sent to adjudicate upon so much?
A. Because I was elected by the know-nothings of the district I have the honour to represent.
Q. And what became of the rest of the constituency?
A. You mean the majority—oh, they didn't take the trouble to register their votes.
Q. Then you are the mouthpiece of ignorance and incompetence?
A. Certainly—but that is not a pretty way of putting it!
He's the readiest customer living,
While you're lending, or spending, or giving;
But when you'd make profit, or get back your own,
He's the awkwardest customer ever you've known.
Song at Christmas..—"Then Yule Remember Me!"
Companion Volume to other Works of the same kind.
The Duke of Wellington never could persuade George the Fourth that he was not present at Waterloo. One day his Majesty, talking over the table, said to his Grace, "I perfectly well remember your crying to the Grenadiers, 'Up, Guards, and at them!'" "Yes, Sire," replied the Duke, "so I have been told before." The King smiled at the jest, but never forgave the carefully-concealed sarcasm.
Refuge for Egotists.—"The Eye Hospital." The Specialist who attends should be Member for Eye.
Who claims my strongest missing noun,
When sheets as soft and white as down,
Return in colour yellowy-brown?
My Laundress!
Who by her science can convert
My best and most expensive shirt
Into a miracle of dirt?
My Laundress!
Who, when my collars come back frayed,
Receives my protests undismayed,
And merely wishes to be paid?
My Laundress!
Who spite of warnings that one gives,
Turns cambric kerchiefs into sieves,
Or ragged trellis-work—and lives!
My Laundress!
Who at the wash-tub, truth to tell,
Is partly fraud and partly sell,
Yet does her "mangling" very well?
My Laundress!
My Lady's name I cannot state,
At different times I greet her
As Chloe, Amaryllis, Kate,
According to the metre;
I've called her Mabel many a time,—
A name which leads itself to rhyme.
My Lady's hair is sometimes black
To match her sable dresses,
At others falls about her back
In glorious auburn tresses,
Yet do not take me to imply
She's given to the use of dye.
I like her when she's sweet and small,
The daintiest of flowers,
I love her when, divinely tall,
Above the rest she towers;
And yet, as second thoughts suggest,
Perhaps a golden mean were best.
Sometimes, a simple rustic maid,
She strays through meadows green,
Sometimes her beauty is displayed
In glittering ball-room scene;
More recently I've thought upon
Creating her a lady-Don.
This peerless girl of whom I speak
I ever worship blindly
And sing her praises once a week,
If editors are kindly;
Alas, this paragon, I own,
Exists within my verse alone!
A Chilling Winter "draft."—That of The Home-Rule Bill.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
Adapted from the French, 274
Ad Puellam, 73
Advancing Years, 150
Advertising In Excelsis, 94
Advice to the G. O. M., 45
Afternoon Sail (An), 64
Aids to Larceny, 63
All at Sea, 77
All Round the Fair, 232, 244, 256, 268
Alone in London! 54
American Ganymede (The), 230
Anecdotage, 168, 181, 186
Announcement, 150
Another Meaning, 231
Antiquity of Golf, 73
Apologia Arrygatensis, 201
'Arriet, 73
'Arry at 'Arrygate, 133, 169
'Arry in Venice, 88
"Art Competitions," 289
Aspiration, 72
At a Hypnotic Séance, 157
At a Rink, 258
At a Vegetarian Restaurant, 280
At it Again! 196
At Last! 162
At the Patten-makers' Banquet, 155
At the Wild West, 4
Austro-German Officers' Vade Mecum, 171
Autumn Afternoon at Nazareth House (An), 213
Balfour and Salisbury, 86
Battle of the Bards (The), 182, 201
"Bear with us!" 29
Be-Littler-ing Mr. Gladstone's Majority, 39
"Best Evidence "—how not to get it (The), 257
Between the Acts, 185
Bewildered Tourist and the Rival Sirens (The), 50
Birds of a Feather, 49
"Blower" burst up (The), 122
Bogey or Benefactor? 258
Boom-de-ay Poet (The), 226
Bravo, Bobby! 162
Brummagem Birdcatcher (The), 218
Builder and the Architect (The), 96
By-and-by Laws for Trafalgar Square, 159
Cabbin' it Council, 243
Candidate's Complete Letter-Writer, 3
Canvassers and Canvassed, 28
Caron and Charon, 196
Caudal Lecture (A), 72
Charity begins Abroad, 267
Château d'If (The), 142
Choosing Christmas Toys, 299
Choosing his Words, 99
"Christmas is Coming!" 238, 294
Christmas Numbers, 305
Church and Booth, 16
City Paradox (A), 158
Classical Question, 249
"Closed for Alterations and Repairs," 6
Columbus, 186
Commerce à l'Americaine, 36
Compendiously Grammatical Tree (A), 105
Compliment of Coin (The), 262
Compliments of the Season (The), 301
Conversational Hints for Young Shooters, 159, 180, 190, 204, 205, 220, 240, 245, 261, 265
Coriolanus, 15
Costs as they are and will be, 226
County-Councillor's Diary (The), 195
Court Jesters (The), 209
"Court On!" 53
"Crossing the Bar!" 174
Cry of the Children (The), 27
Cui Bono? 73
Cycle-riding Dustman (The), 58
"Davy Jones's Locker," 270
"Dearest Chuck!" 12
De Coronâ, 165
Degree Better (A), 281
Diary of an Explorer à la Russe (The), 61
Diary of a Statesman, 286
Diary of the Dead Season (A), 109
Doe versus Roe(dent), 180
Druriolanus in (Music) Aulis, 49
Druriolanus's Next, 102
Duffer in Politics (The), 40
Dust and Hashes, 27
Ecclesiastical Intelligence, 180
Election Agonies, 75
Election Notes, 9
End of Henley (The), 21
En-nobbling Spectacle (An), 156
Essence of Parliament, 71, 82, 94
Evening from Home (An), 264
Exact, 53
Examination Paper for a Press Candidate, 155
Fact, or Funk? 273
Faults o' Both Sides, 246
Feeling their Way, 100
Fight for the Standard (The), 255
Fighting "Foudroyant" (The), 135
Fine, or Refine? 77
Flowery, but not Mealy-Mouthed, 138
Forte Scutum Salus Ducum, 63
Frog he would a-Rowing go (A), 170
From Day to Day, 25
From Newcastle, 37
From Pencil to Pen, 288
From the Vale of Llangolflyn, 126
Game of the Little Horses, 217
Geographical Theory (A), 42
German and Horse-trying Ride (The), 189
German Waters (The), 99
Good Old (Sunday) Times Revived (The), 207
Good Stayer (A), 30
Grand Old Diary for 1893 (A), 303
"Gratuitous Opinion" (The), 130
"Great Scott!" 86
Great Unknown (The), 189
"Green the Guide," 172
Guy Fox Populi, 208
"Habitual Drunkards Committee," 158
Hat to the Parasol (The), 132
Hearing Himself, 121
Health and Hoppiness, 145
"Here we are again!" 209
Hint to Editors (A), 129
"Honi soit qui mal y pense!" 194
How Insultan'! 75
How it might have been Settled, 81
"Ichabod!" 222
Impressions of "Il Trovatore," 193
Impromptu, 135
In a Ghost-Show, 184
"In a Winter (Covent) Garden," 185
In Banco, 137
Inevitable (The), 302
In Excelsis, 171
Infra Dig., 81
Inns and Outs, 89, 105, 122, 154
"In Nubibus," 124
In Office with the Labour Vote, 87
In the County Council, 210
In the Monkey-House, 153
"In this Style, Two-and-Six," 165
Jerry-building Jabberwock (The), 166
Jim's Jottings, 262
Judge's Lament (A), 214
Justice for 'Frisco, 36
Just like Justice, 60
"Keeping Up the Christopher," 136
Kiss (The), 288
Knill Nisi Bonum, 160
Lady Gay's Detection, 228
Lady Gay's Distraction, 237
Lady Gay's Ghost, 243
Lady Gay's Selection, 255
Lady Gay's Selections, 10, 16, 29, 41, 57, 61, 84, 118, 142, 146, 165, 178, 192, 197
Land of the (rather too) Free (The), 105
Last Discovery (The), 252
Last Train (The), 3
Last Word (The), 292
Lay of a Successful Angler (The), 181
Lays of Modern Home, 36, 49, 77, 147, 293
Lay of the Last Knight (The), 136
Leary King at the Lyceum (The), 233
"Le Grand Français," 246
Left to the Ladies, 238
"L'Homme Propose——" 51
Les Enfants Terribles! 202
Letters to Abstractions, 120, 124, 137, 168, 241
Local Colour, 250
Lost Joke (The), 90
Man who Would (The), 225, 229, 253, 285, 304
Margate by Moonlight, 76
Members we shall Miss, 106
Mem. from Whitbreadfordshire, 158
Memorable, 81
Menagerie Race (The), 112
"Minime!" 57
Minor Miseries, 45, 58
Miscarriage of Justice, 136
"Missing Word" (The), 282, 293
Mixed Notions, 277, 297
Modern Mercury (The), 167
Montecarlottery, 293
More Contributions to the Alcoholic Question, 17
More Lights! 141
More Reasons for Stopping in Town, 111
Mr. Punch's Election Address, 9
Musical Notes, 97
My First Brief, 202
My Puggy, 1
My Season Ticket, 192
Need I say More? 89
New Broom and the Black Peerage (The), 209
New Regulations for the English Police, 186
Next African Mission (The), 45
Next Election Pic-nic (The), 274
Next Vivâ Voce (The), 82
Nightly Chevalier (A), 117
"No Fees," 63
"Notes and Paper," 225
Not Going Away for the Holidays, 97
Notice, 246
Not Improbable, 141
"Oh no, we never Mention it," 145
Oh, Saunderson, my Colonel! 6
Old and New Peer (An), 106
On a Guernsey Excursion Car, 148
On an Irish Landlord, 270
On the Boxing Kangaroo, 245
On the Fly-Leaf of an Old Book, 16
On the Sands, 52
On the Threshold of Themis, 22
Opera-goer's Diary, 228, 258
Opera in the Future (The), 93
Operatic Notes, 12, 17, 33, 39, 233
Other Paper (The), 214
Other Side of the Canvass (The), 46
Otherwise Engaged, 10
Our Booking-Office, 34, 48, 58, 77, 106, 178, 214, 219, 234, 249, 257, 269, 281, 300, 305
Our "Missing Word" Competition, 277
Out of It! 18
Ovidius Remark, 84
Pan the Poster, 138
"Pariah" (The), 81
"Perfidious Albion" again, 37
Phantasmagore-ia, 125, 228, 309
Phillipopolis, 111
Pick of the Baskets (The), 153
Plea of the Postman (The), 302
Playful Heifervescence at Hawarden, 117
Plebiscite for Parnassus (A), 229
Poet's Love (The), 309
Popular Songs Resung, 101
Polite Learning, 202
Political Johnny Gilpin (The), 30
Political Training, 173
Poor Road to Learning (A), 160
Poor Violinist (The), 118
Porter's Slam (The), 294
Potato and the Heptarchy (The), 132
Practical Theosophy, 267
Premier and Physician, 221
Presented at Court, 198
Pretence versus Defence, 45
Prickle-me-ups, 3
Pride of the Empire (The), 160
Probable Deduction, 171
Proofs before Letters, 231
Prospect of the Twelfth (A), 42
Puff of Smoke (A), 237
"Punsch," 145
"Patting on the Hug!" 126
Queen and the Songstress (The), 277
Queen of Man-o'er-Board (The), 144
Queer Queries, 276, 293
Question of Police (A), 207
Quite Moving, 229
Racine, with the Chill Off, 24
Ramsgate Sands (The), 102
Rather Appropriate, 73
Rather Startling, 282
Rather too Premature, 294
Reading the Stars à la Mode, 78
Real and Ideal, 250
Reconciliation, 273
Reef-lection, 75
Reflection in the Mist, 269
Refreshers, 209
Reports of Crackers, 281
"Restoration" Period (The), 173
Result of being Hospitable (A), 37
Rhodes Colossus (The), 267
"Rift within the Lute" (The), 108
Road to Ruin (The), 210
Robert Lowe, Viscount Sherbrooke, 57
Robert on Lord Mare's Day, 231
Robert on Things in Gineral, 72
Robert's Companions, 196
Robert's Visit to Ireland, 216
Roe, Bloater's Roe! 25
Rollicking Show (A), 51
Roundabout Ramble (A), 123
Royal Road to Comfort (The), 257
"Safe Bind, Safe Find!" 234
Sea-side Ills, 132, 141
Secundum Harty, 216
Shakspearian Conundrum, 231
Short and Sweet, 246
Shortest Day (The), 291
Sigh no more, Lottie, 155
Signs of the Season, 241
Simple as A "B" "C," 1
Simple Stories, 149
"Sins of Society" (The), 269
Sir Carlos Euan Smithez; or, The Insulting
Sultan and the High-toned Christian Knight, 38
Sir Gerald Portal, 273
Skeleton at the Feast (The), 290
Skirts and Figures, 51
Slight Muddle (A), 10
"Small by Degrees, and beautifully less," 286
Something like a County Councillor, 309
Something to Live for, 265
Song of the Bar (The), 93
Songs of Society, 109
Songs Out of Season, 98, 117, 204
Sonnet on Chillon, 155
"Speech of Monkeys" (The), 111
Sporting Notes, 305
"Squared!" 198
Stepney that Costs (The), 216
Studies in the New Poetry, 13, 33, 114
"Stumped!" 145
Such a "Light Opera!" 173
Suggestions for New Musical Publications, 282
Summerumbrella, 48
Sun-Spots, 255
Sword and Pen, 146, 181
Take Care of the Pence, 276
Taking the Oat-cake, 101
Taxes, 267
Tee, Tee, only Tee! 105
That Dutchman Ooms! 15
"There and Back," 288
"There he Blows!" 26
This Picture and That, 97
Through Ever-Green Glasses, 2
Thoughts not Worth a Penny, 177
"Three Choirs Festival," 132
Tip to Tax-Collectors, 90
To a Model Young Lady, 234
To a Pheasant, 130
Toast, 49
To Astræa, 197
To a Summer Flower, 25
To Dr. Louis Robinson, 81
To Football, 155
To Mankind in General, 213
To Maud, 160, 305
To Melenda, 149
To Miss Ada Jenoure, 72
To my Luggage-Labels, 125
To my Partner, 288
To my Rival, 302
To my Sweetheart, 177
To Our Guernsey Correspondents, 190
"To Pay or not to Pay, that is the Bisleyness," 21
To Some Authors, 214
To Some Expectant Bards, 306
To the First Bathing-Machine, 18
To "The Lazy Minstrel," 240
To the Roller-Skating Fiend, 93
Traveller (The), 40
Trifles, 303
Trio (A), 63
Two-penn'orth of Theosophy, 85
Ugly Face (The), 125
Un-Brocken Vows, 111
Undecided, 262
Unopposed Election, 5
Up Aloft, 121
"Used Up," 124
Useful Experience (A), 8
Very Cruel, 222
Very Entertaining, 144
Very Latest (The), 120
Vive le Rain du Ballet à l'Alhambra, 145
Votes and the Man! 5
Wail of a Pessimist Poet (The), 53
Walker! 63
"Wandering Minstrel" (The), 279
Wanted in the Law Courts, 34
War on a Large Scale, 250
Was, Is, and Will be, 197
Where to Place Him, 237
Why I don't write Plays, 109
Why the French Won the Boat-Race, 180
Why Young Men don't Marry, 129
William Hardwick Bradbury, 181
William the Wheelman, 42
"With Honours of War," 69
Wot Cher! 54
Wot Cher, Labby? 86
Written a Hundred Years hence, 161, 192
Yes or No? 189
Young Guard (The), 306
Yule-tide—Old and New, 289
"Au Revoir!" 91
"Back!" 115
Bogey or Benefactor? 259
"Christmas is Coming!" 295
"Closed for Alterations and Repairs," 7
"Crossing the Bar!" 175
"Davy Jones's Locker," 271
"Ichabod!" 223
"Knocked 'em in the Westmin-is-ter Road," 55
"Le Grand Français," 247
"Little Vulgar Boy" (The), 103
"Missing Word" (The), 283
Old Spirit (The), 163
Out of it! 19
Pan the Poster, 139
Political Johnny Gilpin (The), 31
"Putting on the Hug!" 127
Road to Ruin (The), 211
"Safe bind, safe find!" 235
"Squared!" 199
Tuning the Harp, 151
White Elephant (The), 187
William the Wheelman, 43
"Will they Work?" 79
"With the Honours of War," 66, 67
Young Guard (The), 307
American Ganymede (The), 230
Arriving too late for the First Act, 71
Artist and Show-Boards, 258
Artists at Millbank, 287
Artists' Technicalities during Dinner, 126
At the South Sea-side, 131
Bennett, M.P. for Lincoln, 45
Bewildered Tourist (The), 50
Bismarck the Whale, 26
Buckjumper in a Hansom (A), 207
Buffalo William's N.S.E. and W. Show, 35
Cabbin' it Council in November, 242
Cabinet Meet (The), 206
Cabman on Ladies' Dress (A), 237
Candidate on the Hustings, 24
Captain and Railway Lad, 245
Chamberlain as a Birdcatcher, 218
Changing Old Gent into an Elephant, 167
Coach and his Pupils (A), 202
Columbus viewing Steamship, 74
Coriolanus Bismarck, 14
Costermongers' Trousers (The), 277
Country Butcher and the Cutlets, 97
Countrywoman's Husband a Primrose Dame, 90
Coursing Nowadays, 275
Deceased 'Bus Driver (A), 306
Dining en Ville, 69
Doctor and Two Sisters (A), 210
Doctor who Dresses Irreligiously, 5
Draper's Assistant and Prim Lady, 261
Driving Lady and the Baronet, 219
Effie's Definition of a Parable, 201
Egotist's Opinion on Popularity, 178
Elderly Duchess and French Marshal, 114
Election Editor gone Mad, 41
Election Fever—a Candidate's Dream, 11
Ethel's Account of Papa's Sport, 214
Ex-M.P. and his Wife, 39
Fair Authoress and Old Age, 303
Family Doctor and Youthful Patient, 57
Farmer prefers Manual Labour, 111
Festive Season—a Scotch Night (The), 263
Fight for the Standard (The), 254
Fighting "Foudroyant" (The), 134
Finding of Pharaoh (The), 144
Flyman and Invalid Gentleman, 267
Football Fever in the Midlands, 239
Foreigners at Duchess's Concert, 78
French Frog and English Bull, 170
French Hairdresser and Englishman, 190
Frenchman and Uncle Jack's Nieces, 138
Frisky Spinster and Dancing Captain, 6
Gentleman who "takes life easily," 250
German Specialist and Gouty Patient, 75
Gillie and the "crowded Forest," 213
Gladstone's Ever-Green Glasses, 2
Gladstonian Dentist and Tory Patient, 16
Gladstonian Thunders from Snowdon, 158
Going on Board the Government Ship, 62
Golfer's Dream (The), 191
Grand Old Gardener (The), 107
Grumpy Husband and the Papers, 87
Happy Family Card-Party (A), 291
Harmonious Christmas Political Party, 298
Having the Woods Painted, 238
Helping his Host to Whiskey, 40
High Church Lady and Verger, 226
Highland Chieftains and Games, 161
High Schoolmistress and Doctor, 186
Horse-Rake in Rotten Row, 113
Hospitable Host and Languid Visitor, 34
Hostess welcoming a Late Guest, 18
Housemaid's Idea of a Gentleman, 234
How to get New-laid Eggs, 121
Hunting Lady thrown into a Brook, 249
Hunting Man's Splendid Mount, 195
Hunting Season—the Meet, 215
Iago-Chamberlain in Birmingham, 37
Impossible to Think Worse of Him! 286
Impudent Boy and Tall Clergyman, 192
In the Irish Elector's Clutches, 23
Jack and the Salt Rain-water, 145
Jerry-Building Jabberwock (The), 166
Jeweller and Clerical Customer, 58
Jones's "Bad Quarter of an Hour," 279
Keeping Poultry in Sitting-room, 15
Labouchere Fox and Grapes, 110
Ladies in the Hunting Field, 276
Lady and Sea-side Librarian, 142
Lady and Swiss Governess, 25
Lady Canvasser and Shopkeeper, 21
Lady Croesus and Fancy Ball, 99
Lady Detectives of Character, 282
Lady Friends and Old Lace, 246
Lady Sketching at the Sea-side, 102
Lady's Dream of Grouse-Driving, 81
Lady Visitor's Comfortable Room (A), 222
Landlady and Foreign Lodger, 106
Letting Off Cartridges and Partridges, 183
Lika Joko's Japanese Jape, 29
Little Boy's Strawberries and Cream, 9
Little Miss Facing-both-Ways and her Dog, 72
Little Spiffkins and the Girls, 220
Local Preacher and the Vicar, 129
Lord Mayor Knill and Livery Goose, 160
Lord Mayor's Footman's Meditations, 227
Lord Rosebery's Star and Garter, 194
Maiden Ladies and Bathing Tourists, 162
Major on Cricket in Hot Weather, 123
"Mars" through Punch's Telescope, 141
Master Tommy and the Case of Private Jams, 61
Members we shall Miss, 70, 106
Millionnaire's Son's Ingratitude, 262
Miss Fanny quarrels with Master Victor, 205
Mr. Punch's Deer-Stalking Party, 179
Mr. Punch's Fishing-Party, 143
Mr. Punch's Shooting-Party, 203
Mrs. Fidget at the Butcher's, 302
Mrs. Ramsbotham and the Vicar, 250
Mrs. Snobbington's Hotel Acquaintances, 150
New Cabinet (The), 95
New Faces in the House of Commons, 47
Newly-Married Pair and Newsboy, 135
New M.P. not a Small Man, 27
New Skirts and Sleeves, 231
Not Members of "British Association," 73
Off to the Country again, 83
Oscar Wilde in Uniform, 1
Othello, M.P. for Central Finsbury, 33
Our Grand Young Gardner, 155
Peer who never forgets Old Faces, 54
"Peri at the Academy Gates" (The), 146
Pheasants and Foxes, 301
Policeman X blowing his Whistle, 243
Portrait of a Labour Candidate, 36
Proposing on Board a Yacht, 171
Proud Mother and College Doctor, 82
Punch and Toby Yachting, 98
Punch's Pic-nic—Parliamentary Mirage 119
Reasons for not visiting the Club, 130
Rehearsing Election Speech on Railway, 3
Rehearsing for Private Theatricals, 294
Reminiscence of the Baseball Season, 251
Reprimanding the French Chef, 41
Rhodes Colossus (The), 266
Rival Bards (The), 182
Shoeblack and his Customer, 51
Short Tenor and a Tall Bass (A), 198
Sir Carlos and the Insulting Sultan, 38
Sir E. Lawson, Labby, and Mr. Punch, 86
Sketchley's Picture and Photograph, 147
Snubbing a Decadent Swell, 289
Socialist's Absent Audience (A), 165
So Expensive to be Rich, 94
Some Ups and Downs of the General Election, 59
Spectre Judge and the M.P., 290
Sporting Youth and Low-Necked Beauty, 10
Stupid Elector and Polling-Clerk, 13
Subaltern's Idea of the Use of Cavalry, 274
Sunday Morning at the Sea-side, 159
Sweep and Stonemason, 189
Swell cautious before a Lady Diarist, 63
Swell's Remarks about Coffee, 174
Swell who should have been Drowned, 30
Taken for a Quiet Drive, 153
Taking Tea with Mrs. M'Glasgie, 255
Trippers on the Yorkshire Coast, 118
Vegetarian Professor and the Fishes, 297
Venus de Medici Collar (A), 270
Voyager who is not First-Class, 136
"Wandering Minstrel" (The), 278
Year going out in a Blizzard, 310
Young Masher and High Chairs, 93
Young Physician on Influenza, 109
LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW & CO. LIMITED, WHITEFRIARS.