"A Leedle Mistakes."

"I see all how it vhas now," observed Jacob Handonder, as he came out.

"Oh, you do! You are the man who got drunk and raised a fuss on a street car?"

"I vhas der man, and I tell you how it vhas. You see, I vhas tight. I took too much beer."

"Can a saloon-keeper take too much beer?"

"Vhell, maype I vhas seek. I shtart to go home. Vhen der sthreet car comes along I pelief it vhas my house. I got in und look all aroundt, but I doan' see Katarina. I call out for der shildrens, und eferybody laughs at me. Maype dot makes me madt, und der drifer calls a boliceman, und I vhas galloped down here."

"So it wasn't your home?"

"Not oxactly. It vhas a leedle mistake."

"It'll cost you $5."

"Vheel, dot ain't so bad. I pay him oop und go home to preakfast."

"Be careful next time."

"Oh, I vill dot. Next time I vhas tight I go home on some shtreets midout cars. If I take some ice-wagon for my house I pelief I got cooled off pooty queek."

A long-waisted man, with the nose of a fox and an eye full of speculation, walked up to a second-hand clothier, in Buffalo, the other day, and said:

"See that overcoat hanging out down there?"

"Of course."

"Well, I've taken a fancy to it. It's rather cheeky to ask you to go down there, but I'll make it an object; I won't give but $8 for the coat, but I'll give you $1 to buy it for me. You are also a Jew and know how to beat him down. Here are $9."

The dealer took the money and started off, and in five minutes was back with the coat.

"Good!" chuckled the other. "I reckoned you'd lay him out. How much did you make for your share?"

"Vhell, ash dot is my branch shore, and I only ask six dollar fur de goat, I was about tree dollar ahead."

A Coming Dividend.

Last fall, when a would-be purchaser of railroad stock called upon Russell Sage and asked him regarding the outlook of certain stock, Mr. Sage replied:

"Splendid idea! That stock is certain to raise fifteen per cent."

"Upon what do you base your calculations?"

"Upon the immense crops to be moved along that line."

The other day the same gentleman again interviewed Mr. Sage regarding the same stock, and the great financier replied:

"Best outlook in the world for that stock! Certain to advance fifteen per cent."

"Do you base your calculations upon last fall's crops?"

"No, sir; it's going to be an open winter, and the line will save enough in snow-plows to declare a dividend of five per cent."

At a party: Merchant—"Ah! How d'do, Mr. Blank? How is your paper coming out? I read it daily. By the way, you are getting up a report of this grand assembly, I suppose?" Editor—"No. By the way, how is your store coming on? My cook buys a good deal of you. You are here drumming up custom, I suppose?"

"Yes," said Mrs. Towers, as she expatiated upon the beauties of her flower-garden, "I have given it great care, and if you come over in a week or two, I expect to be able to show you some beautiful scarlet pneumonias."

The Prairie Farmer

AND

Youth's Companion

One Year, $3 for the two.

It is not required that both papers be sent to one address, nor to the same post-office.

Address Prairie Farmer Pub. Co.,
150 Monroe Street, Chicago.

Illinois Central Railroad.

The elegant equipment of coaches and sleepers being added to its various through routes is gaining it many friends. Its patrons fear no accidents. Its perfect track of steel, and solid road-bed, are a guarantee against them.

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SCALES.

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MANUFACTURED EXPRESSLY FOR

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Every Scale Guaranteed by the Manufacturers, and by Us, to be Perfect, and to give the Purchaser Satisfaction.

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2-Ton Wagon or Farm Scale (Platform 6 × 12 feet), $35; 3-Ton (7 × 13), $45; 5-Ton (8 × 14), $55. Beam Box, Brass Beam, Iron Levers, Steel Bearings, and full directions for setting up.

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To any person ordering either of the following Scales, at prices named below.

Weighing accurately from ¼ oz. to 25 lbs. This is also a valuable Scale for Offices for Weighing Mail Matter. Tin Scoop, 50c. extra; Brass 75c. extra.

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In ordering, give the Price and Description given above. All Scales Boxed and Delivered at Depot in Chicago. Give full shipping directions. Send money by Draft on Chicago or New York Post Office Order or Registered Letter. Address

THE PRAIRIE FARMER PUBLISHING COMPANY, CHICAGO, ILL.

MISCELLANEOUS

THE STANDARD REMINGTON TYPE-WRITER is acknowledged to be the only rapid and reliable writing machine. It has no rival. These machines are used for transcribing and general correspondence in every part of the globe, doing their work in almost every language. Any young man or woman of ordinary ability, having a practical knowledge of the use of this machine may find constant and remunerative employment. All machines and supplies, furnished by us, warranted. Satisfaction guaranteed or money refunded. Send for circulars. WYCKOFF, SEAMANS & BENEDICT, 38 East Madison St, Chicago, Ill.

SEEDS

ALBERT DICKINSON,

Dealer in Timothy, Clover, Flax, Hungarian, Millet, Red Top, Blue Grass, Lawn Grass, Orchard Grass, Bird Seeds, &c.

POP CORN.

Office. 115 Kinzie St. CHICAGO, ILL.

Gen. Butler is now out of office.

A verdict of not guilty was rendered in the Emma Bond case.

St. Petersburg, Russia, is in a panic over recent acts of the Nihilists.

Two wolves have lately been killed in the vicinity of Douglas Park, Chicago.

Another effort is soon to be made in Congress to reinstate Fitz John Porter.

Brokers in Dubuque have offered $330,000 cash for the B.F. Allen Homestead.

At Winnipeg on Thursday of last week the mercury was 45 degrees below zero.

Albert E. Kent, of San Francisco, gives $25,000 for a chemical laboratory at Yale College.

Judge McCrary, of the Supreme Court, has resigned, and accepted a position as a railway attorney.

The Government of China has ordered the construction of two more torpedo boats at the German port of Stettin.

St. Louis had many fires last week. There were nine outbreaks within forty-eight hours. The firemen were completely worn out.

There were 319 failures in the United States last week—the largest number yet recorded within the same number of days.

There was strong talk at Hillsboro of lynching the discharged prisoners in the Emma Bond case, but better counsel prevailed.

Governor Stoneman presided at a meeting in San Francisco, where arrangements were made to hold a world's exposition in 1887.

The mercury at Charleston, S.C., was 13 degrees below zero January 4th. Through New England the weather was extremely cold.

Mary, the seventeenth wife of the late Brigham Young, died at Salt Lake City Saturday from blood poisoning. She has fourteen survivors.

A pie made of tainted meat caused the poisoning of sixteen boarders and three Sisters at a convent in Montreal. Two of the former are dangerously ill.

It is announced from Paris that the French government is intending to sell the railways owned by the Republic. The Rothschilds stand ready to purchase them.

By a railroad accident near Fort Dodge, on Wednesday last, three persons were killed and several wounded. Among the killed was Mrs. J.H. South, of Bureau Co., Ills.

Mrs. Holcomb, daughter of the murdered millionaire Crouch, of Michigan, has committed suicide. There is some suspicion that she knew something about the murder.

A nihilist proclamation has been issued threatening the Czar. There is much anxiety at Gatschina palace. It is now said the Czar's injury in the shoulder the other day was caused by a bullet.

The United States Consul General at Cairo reports the deaths by the cholera epidemic at from 65,000 to 70,000. A member of the international tribunal says there are still from one to three fatal cases each day.

The Gould system of railroads is about to establish a telegraph school at St. Louis, with a view not only to educating operators, but of selecting pupils from the acclimated people along the Southwestern lines.

The Catholic convent at Belleville, Ill., took fire from the furnace Saturday evening, and in an hour was reduced to ashes. Sixty pupils made desperate efforts to escape, some of them leaping from the windows. Twenty-seven lives were lost.

The Secretary of State at Springfield has issued papers of incorporation to Col. Wood's museum, at Chicago, with a capital stock of $100,000. The Colonel is said to have secured a lease of his old stand on Randolph street, and the Olympic Theatre.

Henry Villard closed his business career by handing over to assignees his mansion on Madison square and other property, with instructions to dispose of the same, pay a mortgage of $200,000, and discharge any indebtedness to the Oregon Railway Company, the residue to be given to his wife.

The directors of the Northern Pacific road held a meeting in New York, on Friday, of last week. A letter was read from Henry Villard, resigning the presidency of the company because of nervous prostration and in deference to the interests of the stockholders. The resignation was accepted, and a special election was ordered to choose a successor. The directors voted Mr. Villard $10,000 per annum for his services. Vice President Oakes reported the line in first-class order except one hundred miles near the junction west of Helena. It is understood that the Oregon Navigation company will reduce its dividends to 8 per cent. The Oregon Transcontinental has raised $3,000,000 in Boston with which to lift its floating debt.

Office of The Prairie Farmer,
Chicago. Jan. 2, 1884.

FINANCIAL AND COMMERCIAL.

The extremely cold weather of the past week interfered with business very generally. In financial circles, as in others, the arctic wave made matters rather quiet. Early in the present week, however, business at the banks was active. The arrival of delayed mail trains added to the volume of business; but while there was much activity, the monetary situation remained about the same as usual.

In the loan market quotations were 6@7 per cent.

Eastern exchange sold at 70@75c per $1,000 premium.

Government securities are as follows:

GRAIN AND PROVISIONS.

The leading produce markets have been irregular for several days past, and the tendency, in the main, was downward. Yesterday wheat was moderately active, but the market was depressed at the close. There was a drop, also, in corn, oats, mess pork, and lard.

Flour was quiet at about the following rates.

Wheat.—Red winter, No. 2 96 @ 98c; car lots of spring, No. 2, sold at 93¾ @ 95c; No. 3, do. 77½ @ 81c.

Corn.—Moderately active. Car lots No. 2, 57³/₈ @ 57⁵/₈c; rejected, 46½; new mixed, 48 @ 48¼c.

Oats.—No. 2 in store, closed 33½ @ 33⁵/₈.

Rye.—May, in store 58 @ 58½.

Barley.—No. 2, 62 @ 63c; No. 3, 44c.

Flax.—Closed at $1 41.

Timothy.—$1 25 per bushel. Little doing.

Clover.—Quiet at $5 90 @ 6 15 for prime.

Provisions.—Mess pork, February, $14 45 @ 14 47½ per bbl; May, $15 @ 15 05. Green hams, 8³/₈c, per lb. Short ribs, $7 42½ per cwt.

Lard.—January, $8 75; February, $8 85.

Lumber.

Lumber unchanged. Quotations for green are as follows:

COUNTRY PRODUCE.

Note.—The quotations for the articles named in the following list are generally for commission lots of goods and from first hands. While our prices are based as near as may be on the landing or wholesale rates, allowance must be made for selections and the sorting up for store distribution.

Beans.—Hand picked mediums $2 00 @ 2 10. Hand picked navies, $2 15 @ 2 20.

Butter.—Dull and without change. Choice to extra creamery, 32 @ 35c per lb.; fair to good do. 26 @ 30c; fair to choice dairy, 25 @ 30c; common to choice packing stock fresh and sweet, 20 @ 25c; ladle packed 10 @ 13c; fresh made, streaked butter, 9 @ 11c.

Bran.—Quoted at $11 87½ @ 13 50 per ton; extra choice $13.

Broom-corn.—Good to choice hurl 6½ @ 7½c per lb; green self-working 5 @ 6c; red-tipped and pale do. 4 @ 5c; inside and covers 3 @ 4c; common short corn 2½ @ 3½c; crooked, and damaged, 2 @ 4c, according to quality.

Cheese.—Choice full-cream cheddars 12½ @ 13c per lb; medium quality do. 9 @ 10c; good to prime full cream flats 13 @ 13¾c; skimmed cheddars 9 @ 10c; good skimmed flats 6 @ 7c; hard-skimmed and common stock 3 @ 4c.

Eggs.—In a small way the best brands are quotable at 25 @ 26c per dozen; 20 @ 23c for good ice house stock; 18 @ 19c per pickled.

Hay.—No. 1 timothy $10 @ 10 50 per ton; No. 2 do. $8 @ 9; mixed do. $7 @ 8; upland prairie $8 00 @ 10 75; No. 1 prairie $6 @ 7; No. 2 do. $4 50 @ 5 50. Small bales sell at 25 @ 50c per ton more than large bales.

Hides and Pelts.—Green-cured light hides 8c per lb; do. heavy cows 8c; No. 2 damaged green-salted hides 6c; green-salted calf 12 @ 12½ cents; green-salted bull 6 c; dry-salted hides 11 cents; No. 2 two-thirds price; No. 1 dry flint 14 @ 14½c. Sheep pelts salable at 28 @ 32c for the estimated amount of wash wool on each pelt. All branded and scratched hides are discounted 15 per cent from the price of No. 1.

Hops.—Prime to choice New York State hops 25 @ 26c per lb; Pacific coast of 23 @ 26c; fair to good Wisconsin 15 @ 20c.

Poultry.—Prices for good to choice dry picked and unfrozen lots are: Turkeys 14 @ 15c per lb; chickens 10 @ 11c; ducks 10 @ 12c; geese 9 @ 11c. Thin, undesirable, and frozen stock 2 @ 3c per lb less than these figures; live offerings nominal.

Potatoes.—Good to choice 35 @ 40c per bu. on track; common to fair 25 @ 30c. Illinois sweet potatoes range at $3 @ 3 50 per bbl for yellow. Baltimore stock at $2 25 @ 2 75, and Jerseys at $5. Red are dull and nominal.

Tallow and grease.—No. 1 country tallow 7@7¼c per lb; No. 2 do. 6¼ @ 6½ c. Prime white grease 6 @ 6½ c; yellow 5¼ @ 5¾c: brown 4½@5.

Vegetables.—Cabbage, $8 @ 12 per 100; celery, 35 @ 40c per doz bunches; onions, $1 00 @ 1 25 $ bbl for yellow, and $1 for red; turnips, $1 35@ 1 50 per bbl for rutabagas, and $1 00 for white flat.

Wool.—from store range as follows for bright wools from Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, Indiana, and Eastern Iowa—dark Western lots generally ranging at 1 @ 2c per lb. less.

Colorado and Territory wools range as follows:

Wools from New Mexico:

Burry from 2c to 10c off: black 2c to 5c off.

LIVE STOCK MARKETS.

The total receipts and shipments for last week were as follows:

The live stock receipts are increasing, and show a large gain over last week.

Cattle.—The receipts for Sunday and Monday were rather large, being estimated at 6,800 head of cattle, as against 3,700 received in the corresponding time last week. Shipping grades of cattle were active and firm yesterday at $5 @ 6 67½, exporters taking a fair number. Common lots were lower, with sales to dressed-beef buyers as low as $4 25. A good share of the day's trading was done at $5 70 @ 6 60. Quotations are as follows:

Hogs.—The receipts Sunday and Monday were estimated at 18,000 hogs, against only 6,700 received in the corresponding time last week. Although the receipts have been increasing during the last few days, supplies are still remarkably small for the first half of January. The great bulk of the crop has undoubtedly been marketed, but there are known to be a very good number still unmarketed, and it is believed that farmers are unwilling to ship freely to this market while packers are so largely inactive, fearing a decline in prices. Shippers have been taking most of the hogs lately. Butchers took in the neighborhood of 1,900 hogs, leaving a few thousand still unsold. Sales were made of heavy at $5 10 @ 6 25; light at $5 10 @ 5 75, and skips and culls at $3 50 @ 5.

Note.—All sales of hogs are made subject to a shrinkage of 40 lbs for piggy sows and 80 lbs for stags. Dead hogs sell for 1½c per lb for weights of 200 and over and for weights of less than 100lbs.

Sheep.—The market opened with a good supply, the receipts for Sunday and Monday being estimated at 2,500 head, as against 1,968 received in the same time last week. There was an active local and shipping demand for all desirable offerings, and prices ruled firm at the recent advance, sales being made of fair to choice at $3 65 @ 5 60.

COMMISSION MERCHANTS.

J.H. WHITE & CO.,
PRODUCE COMMISSION

106 S. Water St., Chicago.

Refers to this paper.

MISCELLANEOUS.

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