[At the Annual Meeting of the Curates' Augmentation Fund, Archdeacon KAYE, of Lincoln, urged the desirability of imposing some limitation to the number ordained to the Ministry of the Church of England, as three-fifths of the Clergy were in poverty.]
"Oh, sad indeed it is to think,"
Quoth good Archdeacon KAYE,
"That though our Clergy are so 'High,'
So low should be their pay!
"They fly to money-lenders' lures,
To speculative chances;
Advancement they appear to lack.
And so they get advances.
"This 'Discipline of Clergy' Bill
On us is rather rough;
Surely the bills our tradesmen bring
Are discipline enough!
"A fresh supply of Rectories
Must really soon be found;
All would be square, if once there were
Sufficient to go round.
"To get the Clergy out of their
Pecuniary holes,
The sole and only cure I see
Would be—a Cure of Souls!
"'One man, one Vicarage!'—the cry
To stir a thoughtless nation;
But just at present let us try
Restricted Ordination!"
"Free Trade in Curates!" shout our girls,
Responsive from their pew;
"You say there are too many, but
We know there are too few!
"Think of the budding Candidates
For Orders, whom, no doubt,
This limiting of out-put would
Excessively put out!
"If Curates now are destitute,
A brighter future beacons;
'Tis only fair that all should share
The stipends of Archdeacons!"
[The University of Dublin has decided to confer the Degree of D.C.L. on Mr. HENRY IRVING.]
J.L.T. (to Dr. Irving). "I SAY, HENRY,—'SCUSE MY GLOVE,—I'VE BEEN A DON MYSELF, DON'TCHERKNOW. I CAN GIVE YOU A TIP OR TWO ABOUT PLAYING THE PART!"
A GIFTED BEING.—The Daily Telegraph of June 11, in giving us some news from Cambridge about the Mathematical Tripos, had this paragraph—
"The Senior Wrangler, Mr. PHILIP HERBERT COWELL, son of Mr. H. COWELL, Privy Council Bar, was born in 1870, and was previously educated at Rev. E. St. JOHN PARRY's School, Stoke, Slough."
Now didn't such a start in life as being educated "previously" to being "born," give Mr. COWELL a somewhat unfair advantage over the other competitors? Very few come into the world with such a chance. "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them," says SHAKSPEARE. But to come into the world, like MINERVA, armed College-cap-à-pie, is, as Dominie Sampson would have said, "Pro-di-gi-ous!"
House of Commons, Monday, June 13.—House filled up in marvellous style to-night. Through all last week Benches nearly empty; the few Members present sunk in depths of depression. To-night, scene changed; Benches crowded; buzz of conversation testified to ill-repressed excitement. Mr. G., amongst others, back in his place. "And looking uncommonly fit too," says FRANCIS GEORGE, Viscount BARING; "not at all sure he won't, after all, outlive Our JOE. At any rate, he's in fine condition for the little mill that's coming off."
What everyone gathered to hear was Prince ARTHUR's views as to date of Dissolution. He has, up to now, successfully maintained attitude of absolute ignorance that Dissolution is even pending. Up to to-night the blessed word on everyone's tongue has not passed his lips. When, a fortnight ago, Mr. G. diplomatically approached topic, the Prince, with charmingly puzzled look, talked of something else. Nearest approach he can bring himself to make to topic, is to refer to arrangements of public business. This afternoon, when he stood at Table, a ringing cheer went up from serried hosts of Ministerialists; answered by closed-up ranks of Opposition. "Ha! ha!" said STUART, scenting the battle from afar, "that is the first challenge and reply in the great fight. Soon as BALFOUR's finished I shall take the Shoreditch 'bus, and look up my Constituents at Hoxton."
Prince ARTHUR, with eyebrows slightly raised, stood waiting for opportunity to speak; evidently marvelling at this unwonted and unaccountable outburst of clamour. When it ceased, he observed, quite incidentally, that perhaps it would be convenient for him to make a statement "as to prospects of concluding business before termination of the Session." The Session, note. Not the life of Parliament, nor anything to do with so disturbing a thing as Dissolution. Kept this up through long business statement; only at conclusion accidentally stumbled on the word, and then regarded the prospect as so uninteresting and immaterial, that he could not come nearer to its contemplation than an interval of seven days. Not before the end of one week, and not after the middle of another, was as near as he thought it worth while to approach such trifling contingency.
Business done.—A great deal.
Tuesday.—Quite touching to observe SQUIRE OF MALWOOD's friendly interest in progress of public Bills. GORST, in arranging business of Sitting, anxious not to appear too grasping, put down only limited number of Bills on Orders. "Why not put down all you've got?" the Squire asks, with mildly benevolent glance bent on Treasury Bench. "Supposing list is run through, there is end of your opportunity; whereas, if you put 'em all down you're ready to benefit by any accident, and may some night do wonderful stroke of business, working everything off."
Prince ARTHUR listens attentively, regarding with questioning look the Grand Grey Figure on other side of Table. "When I was at school," he says, "we were taught, in a foreign tongue, a maxim about fearing the Greeks when they brought presents. Not quite sure the right Hon. Gentleman is chiefly concerned for interests of Government and advance of public business. But I'll consider his suggestion."
Business advancing by leaps and bounds; attendance small; Opposition effaced itself; only CLARK and ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS take objection to anything. Being in Committee of Supply they naturally want to know about things. The Squire privily approaches them in turn and entreats them to desist, which they regretfully do. Presently trouble breaks out in fresh quarter. FERGUSSON takes opportunity on Post Office Vote to ask Candidates at forthcoming Election to ignore appeal made to them by Telegraph Clerks for pledge to vote for Select Committee to inquire into working of Telegraph service. Says Mr. G. and Squire concur with him in his protest. This brings up GEORGE HOWELL, big with indignation at what he calls "a conspiracy against the Working Men of the country." HARRY LAWSON and STOREY join in. FERGUSSON sorry he spoke; didn't mean anything; Opposition mollified; vote agreed to.
Business done.—Supply closed.
Thursday.—Mr. G. hurried in just now, a little late. Been these two hours at Carlton Gardens wrestling with representatives of the British workman on Eight Hours' Question. A little out of breath with skipping upstairs and running along corridor to be in time. Otherwise, as fresh as if his afternoon had been spent lounging on lawn at Dollis Hill, where the other night the Archbishop of CANTERBURY went to dine with him. Wants to know about the date of Dissolution. It will be convenient, he says, "at least, for those who have youth and vigour sufficient again to submit themselves to the constituencies." Mr. G.'s face wrinkled into smile as he uttered this witticism. House spontaneously burst into cheer as hearty on the Conservative side as with Opposition.
Rattling on with business. SPEAKER out of breath with putting the question and declaring "the Ayes have it." Irish Education Bill not only passed Committee, but reported and read a Third Time. SEXTON sits content, having done good stroke of work in amending Bill. Managed affair with skill, address and indomitable perseverance. Resisted all temptation to make long speeches; pegged away at his Amendments, and carried the most important in teeth of the Ulstermen.
"All very well," said DUNBAR BARTON, "JACKSON giving way to those fellows, and Prince ARTHUR saying, as TOOLE does on the House-boat, 'Oh, it's nothing!' It may be nothing to him, but it's a good deal to us. MACARTNEY and I have done our duty. For myself I shall say no more. I was christened DUNBAR BARTON. Henceforth let me be known as DUM BARTON."
Business done.—More than ever.
Friday.—Met BROOKFIELD in corridor just now. Capital fellow BROOKFIELD, though not very well known in House, much less to fame outside. Was in the 13th Hussars; is now promoted to the Lieutenant-Colonelcy of 1st Cinque Ports Rifle Volunteers. Has sat for Rye these seven years, but never yet spoke. This the more remarkable since he is a trained student of art of public speaking; has, indeed, just written profound treatise on the business. FISHER UNWIN sent me copy from Paternoster Square. Sat up all night reading it. The speech of "our worthy Member," proposing "The Town and Trade of X," is thrilling. Another, put into the mouth of "the youngest bachelor present," responding for "the Ladies," makes your flesh creep. BROOKFIELD's idea novel and ingenious. Sets forth what he calls a conventional speech. This fills up Column A. In Column B. he comments on it, rather severely sometimes; in Column C. throws out suggestions which, duly followed, make speech perfect. All possible occasions are dealt with, whether responding for Bishop and Clergy, Army, Navy, Reserve Forces, House of Commons, or House of Lords. BROOKFIELD, moreover, goes behind the scenes; shows the wretched man who has to make speech preparing it. You see him making up his mind what he has to say; jotting down a note; revising it after asking everyone he meets what he thinks of it. Then you write out your speech; learn it off; get up to address company; things swim before your eyes; tongue cleaves to roof of mouth; and you sit down.
Admirable book: useful on all occasions of daily life; invaluable on eve of General Election. Surprised to find BROOKFIELD looking miserably dejected. Tell him he ought to be quite otherwise. Explains that, fact is, means to catch SPEAKER's eye. Parliament can't last many more days; hasn't made maiden speech yet; must do it now, or never; Rye getting anxious. Could I give him a few hints? With great pleasure; full of the subject. Begin at the beginning. Ideas; memoranda; methods: (a) The arrangement of speech, (b) the management of the voice, (c) attitude or gesture. On this last I am very particular. "Holding up one finger," I say, "is a favourite way of bespeaking special attention to some 'point' which you are trying to make; and waving the right hand, with outstretched arm, the forefinger leading, is an easy and not ungraceful method of illustrating the narrative portion of your speech. For the more vehement passages, a sudden flourish of the hand upwards, over your head, generally accompanies some aggressive, triumphant assertion, such as, 'I care not who he may be!' And a similar movement downwards, with both hands, would indicate some indignant complaint, such as, 'And never, from that day to this, have they fulfilled their promise.'"
"Excellent!" cried LEVESON-GOWER, who, as I spoke, involuntarily waved the right hand, the forefinger leading.
"Yes." said BROOKFIELD, looking a little more uneasy than before; "very clear, and to the point; but fancy—er—I've heard it before."
"Of course you have," I said. "It's in your book; see page 123. Mind you let me know when your speech in the House is coming off, After reading The Speaker's A B C, I wouldn't miss it for anything." Business done.—Dissolution postponed.
O well of Malvern, immaculate fountain;
Worthy to blend with the Dew of the Mountain,
To-morrow, thy rill, gushing brightly,
SCHWEPPÉ shall aërate slightly;
SCHWEPPÉ (pronounced with an accent as spelt, Sir.)
SCHWEPPÉ, purveyor of soda and seltzer,
And potass (for gout in one's joint meant.)
Unto the QUEEN, "by appointment."
Thee not the furnace of Sirius raging
Touches; thy natural cool is assuaging,
Unmixed, to the temperate classes,
Mixed, for the thirst of wild asses.
Malvern, with me for thy rhapsodist, what'll
Rival the sparkle of bard and of bottle—
The bottle in cups effervescent,
In couplets the bard, as at present.
"LIKE NIOBE" (suggested advertisement for the Strand Theatre). Instead of boards up on which is inscribed, "House Full," "No Standing Room," and so forth, why not simply, "Niobe—all tiers" (full).
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