Wait a moment. Let me think.
[Still apparently absorbed in his paper.]
Ah, yes. You go back, Bill. We must attract another guest. Now are you ready?
Bill:
Yes.
The Toff:
All right. You shall now see my demise at my Yorkshire residence. You must receive guests for me.
[He leaps up in full view of the window, flings up both arms and
falls on to the floor near the dead Priest.]
Now be ready.
[His eyes close.]
[There is a long pause. Again the door opens, very very slowly. Another Priest creeps in. He has three golden spots upon his forehead. He looks round, then he creeps up to his companion and turns him over and looks inside each of his clenched hands. Then he looks at the recumbent Toff. Then he creeps towards him. Bill slips after him and knifes him like the other with his left hand over his mouth.]
Bill: [sotto voce]
We've only got two, Toffy.
The Toff:
Still another.
Bill:
What'll we do?
The Toff: [sitting up]
Hum.
Bill:
This is the best way, much.
The Toff:
Out of the question. Never play the same game twice.
Bill:
Why not, Toffy?
The Toff:
Doesn't work if you do.
Bill:
Well?
The Toff:
I have it, Albert. You will now walk into the room. I showed you how to do it.
Albert:
Yes.
The Toff:
Just run over here and have a fight at this window with these two men.
Albert:
But they're——
The Toff:
Yes, they're dead, my perspicuous Albert. But Bill and I are going to resuscitate them.——. Come on.
[Bill picks up a body under the arms.]
That's right, Bill. [Does the same.] Come and help us, Sniggers——
[Sniggers comes] Keep low, keep low. Wave their arms about, Sniggers.
Don't show yourself. Now, Albert, over you go. Our Albert is slain.
Back you get, Bill. Back, Sniggers. Still, Albert. Mustn't move when
he comes. Not a muscle.
[A Face appears at the window and stays for some time. Then the door opens and looking craftily round the third Priest enters. He looks at his companions' bodies and turns round. He suspects something. He takes up one of the knives and with a knife in each hand he puts his back to the wall. He looks to the left and right.]
The Toff:
Come on, Bill.
[The Priest rushes to the door. The Toff knifes the last Priest from behind.]
The Toff:
A good day's work, my friends.
Bill:
Well done, Toffy. Oh, you are a deep one.
Albert:
A deep one if ever there was one.
Sniggers:
There ain't any more, Bill, are there?
The Toff:
No more in the world, my friend.
Bill:
Aye, that's all there are. There were only three in the temple. Three priests and their beastly idol.
Albert:
What is it worth, Toffy? Is it worth a thousand pounds?
The Toff:
It's worth all they've got in the shop. Worth just whatever we like to ask for it.
Albert:
Then we're millionaires, now.
The Toff:
Yes, and what is more important, we no longer have any heirs.
Bill:
We'll have to sell it now.
Albert:
That won't be easy. It's a pity it isn't small and we had half a dozen. Hadn't the idol any other on him?
Bill:
No, he was green jade all over and only had this one eye. He had it in the middle of his forehead, and was a long sight uglier than anything else in the world.
Sniggers:
I'm sure we ought all to be very grateful to Toffy.
Bill:
And indeed we ought.
Albert:
If it hadn't 'ave been for him——
Bill:
Yes, if it hadn't 'a' been for old Toffy….
Sniggers:
He's a deep one.
The Toff:
Well, you see, I just have a knack of foreseeing things.
Sniggers:
I should think you did.
Bill:
Why, I don't suppose anything happens that our Toff doesn't foresee.
Does it, Toffy?
The Toff:
Well, I don't think it does, Bill. I don't think it often does.
Bill:
Life is no more than just a game of cards to our old Toff.
The Toff:
Well, we've taken these fellows' trick.
Sniggers: [going to the window]
It wouldn't do for any one to see them.
The Toff:
O nobody will come this way. We're all alone on a moor.
Bill:
Where will we put them?
The Toff:
Bury them in the cellar, but there's no hurry.
Bill:
And what then, Toffy?
The Toff:
Why, then we'll go to London and upset the ruby business. We'll have really come through this job very nicely.
Bill:
I think the first thing we ought to do is give a little supper to old
Toffy. We'll bury these fellows to-night.
Albert:
Yes, let's.
Sniggers:
The very thing.
Bill:
And we'll all drink his health.
Albert:
Good old Toffy.
Sniggers:
He ought to have been a general or a premier.
[They get bottles from cupboard, etc.]
The Toff:
Well, we've earned our bit of a supper.
[They sit down.]
Bill: [Glass in hand.]
Here's to old Toffy who guessed everything.
Albert and Sniggers:
Good old Toffy.
Bill:
Toffy who saved our lives and made our fortunes.
Albert and Sniggers:
Hear. Hear.
The Toff:
And here's to Bill who saved me twice to-night.
Bill:
Couldn't have done it but for your cleverness, Toffy.
Sniggers:
Hear, hear. Hear, hear.
Albert:
He foresees everything.
Bill:
A speech, Toffy. A speech from our general.
All:
Yes, a speech.
Sniggers:
A speech.
The Toff:
Well, get me some water. This whiskey's too much for my head, and I must keep it clear till our friends are safe in the cellar.
Bill:
Water. Yes, of course. Get him some water, Sniggers.
Sniggers:
We don't use water here. Where shall I get it?
Bill:
Outside in the garden.
[Exit Sniggers.]
Albert:
Here's to fortune. [They all drink.]
Bill:
Here's to Albert Thomas, Esquire. [He drinks.]
The Toff:
Albert Thomas, Esquire. [He drinks.]
Albert:
And William Jones Esquire.
The Toff:
Albert Jones, Esquire. [The Toff and Albert drink.]
[Re-enter Sniggers terrified.]
The Toff:
Hullo, here's Jacob Smith Esquire, J.P., alias Sniggers, back again.
Sniggers:
Toffy, I've been thinking about my share in that ruby. I don't want it, Toffy, I don't want it.
The Toff:
Nonsense, Sniggers, nonsense.
Sniggers:
You shall have it, Toffy, you shall have it yourself, only say
Sniggers has no share in this 'ere ruby. Say it, Toffy, say it.
Bill:
Want to turn informer, Sniggers?
Sniggers:
No, no. Only I don't want the ruby, Toffy….
The Toff:
No more nonsense, Sniggers, we're all in together in this, if one hangs we all hang; but they won't outwit me. Besides, it's not a hanging affair, they had their knives.
Sniggers:
Toffy, Toffy, I've always treated you fair, Toffy. I was always one to say, Give Toffy a chance. Take back my share, Toffy.
The Toff:
What's the matter? What are you driving at?
Sniggers:
Take it back, Toffy.
The Toff:
Answer me; what are you up to?
Sniggers:
I don't want my share any more.
Bill:
Have you seen the police?
[Albert pulls out his knife.]
The Toff:
No, no knives, Albert.
Albert:
What then?
The Toff:
The honest truth in open court, barring the ruby. We were attacked.
Sniggers:
There's no police.
The Toff:
Well, then, what's the matter?
Bill:
Out with it.
Sniggers:
I swear to God…
Albert:
Well?
The Toff:
Don't interrupt.
Sniggers:
I swear I saw something what I didn't like.
The Toff:
What you didn't like?
Sniggers: [In tears.]
O Toffy, Toffy, take it back. Take my share. Say you take it.
The Toff:
What has he seen?
[Dead silence only broken by Sniggers' sobs. Then stony steps are heard.]
[Enter a hideous Idol. It is blind and gropes its way. It gropes its way to the ruby and picks it up and screws it into a socket in the forehead.]
[Sniggers still weeps softly; the rest stare in horror. The Idol steps out, not groping. Its steps move off then stops.]
The Toff:
O great heavens!
Albert: [In a childish, plaintive voice.]
What is it, Toffy?
Bill:
Albert, it is that obscene idol [in a whisper] come from India.
Albert:
It is gone.
Bill:
It has taken its eye.
Sniggers:
We are saved.
Off, a Voice: [With outlandish accent.]
Meestaire William Jones, Able Seaman.
[The Toff has never spoken, never moved. He only gazes stupidly in horror.]
Bill:
Albert, Albert, what is this?
[He rises and walks out. One moan is heard. Sniggers goes to window. He falls back sickly.]
Albert: [In a whisper.]
What has happened?
Sniggers:
I have seen it. I have seen it. O I have seen it. [He returns to table.]
The Toff: [Laying his hand very gently on Sniggers' arm, speaking softly and winningly.]
What was it, Sniggers?
Sniggers:
I have seen it.
Albert:
What?
Sniggers:
Voice:
Meestaire Albert Thomas, Able Seaman.
Albert:
Must I go, Toffy? Toffy, must I go?
Sniggers: [Clutching him.]
Don't move.
Albert: [Going.]
Toffy, Toffy. [Exit.]
Voice:
Meestaire Jacob Smith, Able Seaman.
Sniggers:
I can't go, Toffy. I can't go. I can't do it.
[He goes.]
Voice:
Meestaire Arnold Everett Scott-Fortescue, late Esquire, Able Seaman.
The Toff:
I did not foresee it. [Exit.]