What Will You Do When the Toilet Paper Runs Out?
By Jane 
Remember those Extreme Couponing shows where the participants had a wall full of toilet paper? They had the right idea! At least for me, I’d much rather waste a whole wall of my home with a mountain of toilet paper than think of doing without. However, in an extreme post-poop hits the fan world (get it? I said poop-hits-the-fan in a blog post about toilet paper and the end of the world!), eventually, even toilet paper is going to eventually run out for some of us.
For most of the world, an for most of history, toilet paper as we know it has not existed. There were forms showing up in the 14th century, but by in large, people used other ways of cleaning themselves than the handy dandy roll full of fluff. So let’s find some very Pinteresting alternatives to toilet paper to begin getting in the mindset that we may not always have a little Charmin around to make things better.
The Family Cloth
Yep – you got it, wipes for the rest of us. You can make it from squares of flannel, old tshirts, thin bath towels, or other soft cloth that you like. Just sew the edges with a zig zag stitch for fabric that frays easily, or just use pinking shears for other fabrics if you don’t have a machine. You can store them in a box, and use dry for urine, and get them damp for the poo. Washing is easy as long as you wash the cloths in hot water (and if you use an oxy-detergent that will help more). However, if anyone in your family is sick, switch to regular TP for them or segregate those cloths for washing separately just to be sure not to cross-contaminate.
In our house, I use these exclusively as my menfolk are not quite ready to make the leap to cloth for themselves. But even with me using them for wet cleanup, we’ve cut our toilet paper useage dramatically. 
Phone Books
Remember those photos of Grandma’s outhouse that had a Sears & Roebucks catalog hanging on the wall? It wasn’t just for browsing while you did your business. But since we don’t get those catalogs any longer, the best way to use phone book paper is to rip a page out, wad it up, unwrap it, wad it again, and unwrap it, etc. This allows for the starchy fibers to be broken down so that the paper is more pliable and more absorbent. It then becomes softer and a great alternative to toilet paper. You’ll think twice about looking at that phone book sitting on your front porch, won’t you?
Bidet in a Bottle
With a little warm water, this can be an effective way to clean before using cloth to dry. It can also be used for women during their menstrual cycles and for post-partum care. I remember being given this bottle when I left the hospital after having my kids for post-partum relief and healing, but I really prefer this bidet in a bottle now as it gives a little more direction where needed. You can also get one that attaches to your toilet tank.
Nature, baby!
Yes, plants can be used in place of toilet paper. And if you have time to plant to provide for your family, this is the plant I’d choose! Lamb’s ear is really good for this application and can be found growing wild in a lot of places, but you can make do with any number of natural things to get the job done.
Use what you’ve got – your hands
In some culture, this simply the easiest and best way to handle things. Washing up after is mandatory – but in a situation where hot water, soap, or other disinfectants may not be available, this might not be the best option to keep from spreading germs. So plan accordingly.
Make Your Own Toilet Paper
This is a time intensive process, and it still requires you having access to paper products to recycle, but if you’re a hard core DIY’er and can’t imagine using one of the alternavies above, try this tutorial on making your own toilet paper!

Some further reading:
How to deal with human waste
How to make your own menstrual pads
How to make your own tampons
How to make your own diapers from old shirts