we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 98: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANK?" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * TOY - Make it rain * SCREENSAVER - New. Better. Improved. * SURVEY - How much do you wank? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Cloudbuster toy << "I've made a slightly hippy thing," writes Tomsk, "Like, peace, man." Yay. Make the flowers grow by raining on them. http://www.tomandphil.nildram.co.uk/clouds/ >> Masturbation database << Regular readers will be familiar with our obsession with masturbation. Sieren Kearle loves wanking too and is conducting a survey about your self-abuse habits. Fill it in and compare yourself to other wankers. http://www.playwithyourself.co.uk/game/html/mdb/st... >> Do the Hustle << The Hustle by Van McCoy & the Soul City Symphony is a disco classic. You can't hear it without moving your feet, or if you're Vulga, making a short animation with a lady in a wheelchair. The nicely timed ending gave us a laugh. http://snurl.com/dothehustle ------------------------------------------------- : XML CHALLENGE UPDATE You lot have been working hard We've had several entries for the XML challenge, including * Flash toy that displays the message board as sheep. * New skins for the site to make it look like Fark, The BBC and Google. * A snap game. We're holding the challenge open for a few more weeks, so get coding. http://www.b3ta.com/xml/ >> B3ta screensaver update << Chicago Dave has taken the opportunity to remake his brilliant b3ta screensaver taking advantage of our spanky new technology. His PC-only app grabs all the pictures from the front page of our site and rotates them as a screensaver, giving fresh images every day. If you haven't already, install this now. We honestly believe it to be the coolest thing to have ever come out of b3ta. http://www.rubberduckie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3tac... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Rammstein cum shot << If b3ta had a house band, it would be Rammstein. They flirt with Nazism, homoerotica and frankly all the stuff that makes us go woo. Watch this clip of the singer simulating gay buggery with the aid of a fireworks and a prosthetic spunking cock. http://www.yonkis.com/media/rramstein.wmv >> Boil the kiddies << Old farts will remember the game play on this Choplifter clone. Beautifully-drawn and it plays rather well too. http://www.entertainmail.net/movies/kookinkidz.swf >> Glastowank << Readers of the UK broadsheets might have read Miranda Sawyer's story about going to Glastonbury and witnessing a drugged-up mum masturbate in a field. The Guardian didn't have the photos. We do. Icky. http://www.gurn.net/meza/glastowank/ >> Stag night stunt << We love Sweden. Their contributions to popular culture don't stop at Sven-Göran Eriksson and the turkey-necked-before-her-time Ulrika Jonsson, they're also giving us Beard Man. Look at the photo, read the short story and then thank God your mates aren't this cunty. http://www.sparklet.com/~royce/trams/hair/ >> 15 hours of weird << Did you ever play Myst? It was a mix of sumptuous graphics and tricky riddles. This is a bit like that. Except with tree trunks. In space. http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf >> Rose West cookbook << Mums! Tried to get your kids to eat chips and peas by arranging them into a face? Extend your repertoire by making dolls from dismembered cattle and spuds. Kids love it. http://www.lileks.com/institute/dayalets/3.html >> Most disturbing story ever << Ever heard of the word nullo? It's refers to a man who's cut off his genitalia. Read the this interview of how one man became cockless. BTW: School kids - if you're stuck for ideas in the summer break, you know what to do. http://www.globalapathy.com/news_comments2.asp >> Fuck up your eyes << We thought we'd seen all the optical illusions on the web, but this one surprised us. And made us feel a bit ill. http://www.starkitten.com/08/yay.jpg >> TV presenter posts nude pics << We didn't know who Cat Schwartz was until she accidentally posted naked pictures of herself on her blog. Apparently she's a presenter on Tech TV, a show that's unavailable in the UK. We're sure it was a genuine accident, but as a way to raise your international profile, it's PR genius. http://snurl.com/1vx7 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Kinder Surprise Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted to see what you had found in your Kinder Surprise eggs: http://b3ta.com/challenge/kinderegg/ We asked B3ta boarder 'missing' to judge the entries - here are her 3 faves. Missing writes - #1 "Random meerkat surprise - well, it surprised me, absolutely lovely. (eclectech) http://b3ta.com/board/1622937 #2 "Giraffe charming - Alarmingly hypnotic but had me giggling like a loon. (The Kaiser) http://b3ta.com/board/1635446 #3 "Kinder and Bob - possibly the smallest challenge entry, but beautifully done. And apparently size isn't everything." (pecker) http://b3ta.com/board/1617592 "Ooh, and special mention to this animation by Custard." http://b3ta.com/board/1622454 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator returned once more with the suggestion: "New Uses for Children" http://b3ta.com/challenge/children/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * EDUCATING B3TA - Joel & Nicey's Giant Bee is being used in a university course in non-verbal communication. http://www.nicholaspackwood.com/nonverbal_1.html * B3TA PARTY - it was a huge success. Loads of people came, including a group from Japan and an Israeli journalist who was sent over to cover the story. Yay. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * WEIRD MP3s - we're having a go doing a little radio show next week, and would like some odd stuff to play. Disco songs used to promote council elections in the 70s, that kind of thing. * FREE STUFF - we held a raffle at the party last week and gave away all of the stuff that people have sent in over the last few months: Toy Daleks, a DVD player, a signed photo of Terry Wogan, etc. So PLEASE keep sending us stuff and we'll raffle it off at the next party. All money going to the server appeal. * YOUR LINKS - your links damn it. You might think we ignore your stuff, but we actually go red eyed and blind looking at everything sent through. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with Mike Trinder & David Stevenson. Links sent in by Jon-Paul Pelosi, Weebl, Skip the Whip, dirtyhippy and Mozza. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the wiggedy b4ta whacks. (68711) ------------------------------------------------ Handy tip: Remove curry stains by rubbing the stain with soap and water till it goes PINK (you have to let the chemistry work so it goes alkaline) then leave in the sun for half an hour or in the English sun till it rains. Wash as normal. Works best on cotton. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive