we love the web
    
   email us
   go to messageboard newsletter archive home
   NEWSLETTER: "READ WHILST DRESSED AS FLASH KILLER STEVE JOBS FOR HALLOWEEN"
   next issue »
   « previous issue

 * FESSHOLE - we're doing gigs in Sweden (!)
 * CELEBRATE AI BEING SHIT - terrible AI clocks
 * NEW CHALLENGE - Let's make anagrams of signs
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | sending smelly bottletops
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   to Tim Berners Lee"
 B3ta newsletter e-mail 967 - 1st Nov 2025
 Sing-talk this issue over the Rentaghost theme:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue967
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making sinister toe jam, as usual
   * HER ROYAL MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH'S SWEARING
   MA'ARMALDE - Your editor has been making
   marmalade, and not the type that gentlemen make
   when looking at pictures of naughty ladies. He
   writes, "I was musing on butter going with all
   foods, and my mind wandered somewhat." Cooking
   content, that's why you all signed up to B3ta
   for, all those years ago, yeah?
 https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/if-life-g...
   * CAN YOU DATE THESE FACTS, QUIZ? Coffeefirst
   writes, "I started playing daily games during
   the Wordle craze. I got hooked quickly and still
   look forward to a new game even today, whether
   it's Wordle or another one--there's so many
   daily games out there... Since then I've tried
   several times to make a game but honestly they
   all sucked." Ha, we've checked these games, and
   like the yearly guesser the best.
 https://coffeefirst.games/yearly-daily
   * IT'S TIME TO PLEDGE ON A BOOK, GENTS - Chris
   Barker has made a website to promo his new Sgt
   Pepper death book, celebrating ten years of
   people dying and him putting them in a death
   montage. You can now pledge your money so you
   can buy a copy when it comes out. He writes, "I
   posted my first SgtPepper on B3ta and 8 minutes
   later Captain Howdy pointed out Lemmy died in
   2015. Ten years on, people are still pointing
   this out to me. Please help fund my book and
   make the madness end."
 https://chrisbarkerprints.co.uk/sgtpepper/
   * SPEAKING OF BOOKS - official fav author of the
   newsletter readers, John Higgs has sent the B3ta
   office his latest book, Lynchian, on David
   Lynch. It's dreadfully good and has pushed us
   onto a season of watching David Lynch films, as
   we did buy a DVD box set when he died, and this
   is the shove we needed. You can order it now and
   it's out in a week or two, oh how we love
   getting things early like we're in the know.
 http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/139963731...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   Buy some clothes, if like like
   Each week we ask you to buy some clothes to
   cover up your shame, and suggest that an ideal
   place is Hebtro as they make clothes that last,
   all made in the UK and to the highest standards.
   They're ideal as presents for difficult men and
   even yourself. You'll look like a beardy sex
   hipster in no time and you'll probably get asked
   to open your own web agency.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Your fesses fessed up once again, please stop
   So yeah, seven years ago we opened a Google form
   and since then no one has stopped flinging shit
   into it. Our favs this week include:
   * SITCOM EPISODE B-PLOT POTENTIAL - "My daughter
   has fallen out with her best friend and my wife
   had an argument with the girl's mum over it. I'd
   become good mates with the friend's dad and
   we're secretly trying to stay mates. Full Romeo
   and Juliet at the school gates with secret nods
   and hushed conversations."
   * THERE'S NO ONE QUITE LIKE GRANDAD - "My
   grandad built a den down the bottom of the
   garden so 'the great-grandkids had somewhere to
   smoke.' It was 2013, his eldest great grandkid
   was 6. He sadly passed before he got the chance
   to see it happen, but I'm in admiration of his
   ill-judged effort. I miss him."
   * JUST CALL HER BONO - "I'm English. Been with
   my Irish girlfriend for a few months now. Her
   name is Saoirse. I call her cutesy nicknames,
   like Princess, or Anam Cara (Irish for
   'soulmate'). Because I'm still not 100% sure
   exactly how Saoirse is pronounced."
   Follow the account that has 52,000 followers on
   Facebook, which we're weirdly proud of, as it's
   sorta fun to have an account that's actually
   growing on Facebook of all things, a good 15
   years after anyone gave a shit about such
   platforms.
 https://www.facebook.com/fesshole
   Come to the shows. Liverpool, Leeds, Leicester
   and Sweden. Also Anon Opin in London and
   Leicester. Yes, Sweden. We're doing three dates
   in Sweden. How the fuck that is happening is
   bizarre. But there we are, and we're delighted
   about it.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   And of course buy the books, the two books, buy
   both of them. Maybe there will be a third one
   day if we pull our finger out, but our finger
   remains firmly in.
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/s
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Tomorrow's archive.org grabs, today
   * CAN AI, PLEASE CLOCK OFF? - We love novelty
   web clocks but hate AI. However, as these AI
   generated HTML clocks are all buggy as fuck,
   this kind-of works as an anti-AI statement.
   Perhaps the clocks should count down to the time
   the money will run out if they can't fix all
   their flaws.
 https://clocks.brianmoore.com
   * 2D GRAND PRIX RACER PRO 2000 - W*r*l* of the
   week is an old school top-down racing game with
   a new mini track each day. If we're going arcade
   on our daily games, then a one-level-a-day Manic
   Miner, please.
 https://www.hotlapdaily.com
   * WHAT DOES MUSIC SOUND LIKE TO ALIENS? - Find
   out where the radio waves have got to in space.
   Will the aliens have heard DLT's resignation
   speech yet and did they find it funny like us,
   or are they now on their way to dish out
   retribution on Matthew Banister for his 1993
   Radio 1 shake-up?
 https://www.lightyear.fm
   * ARE YOU READY FOR AN EGGVENTURE? In this
   exciting mini-game you play Simon Le Bon in his
   pre-Duran egg form, looking to escape his shell
   and find his brum chums. This is planet Oueuf.
 https://terrycavanagh.itch.io/egg
 
   * DO YOU LIKE READING ABOUT OLD TELLY? Just a
   big up for the old TV and comedy blog 'Dirty
   Feed'. It's been a long time since we've found a
   blog we want to read from start to finish like a
   book, but this is one. Set aside your weekend
   and dig in, and read a whole fucking blog, like
   it's 2005 again, and your pubes aren't grey.
 https://www.dirtyfeed.org/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Two Authors One Book
   Here's the best images from last week:
   * Thanks to 'Claptonista' for an image that made
   us exclaim "Stig of the hump!"
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422287
   * 'Pizopop' made us think that this one should
   exist and would sell a few copies
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422259
  * 'LP' brought us a mash-up that made us hungry
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422254
   * See all the other images from the 'Two Authors
   One Book' challenge:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/twoauthorsonebook/popula...
   >> This week: Sign Anagrams <<
   In tribute to Prunella Scales, let's do the
   Fawlty Towers sign gag and re-arrange the
   letters on whatever signage you want.  Fawlty
   Towers rules apply, so you don't have to use all
   the letters. Suggested by hagbardsapple.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/signanagrams/popular
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Follow ups on old stories
   * VAG TALK - Amused to see the legendary "Vagina
   Museum" back up a Fesshole story vs the "didn't
   happen" wankers.
 https://bsky.app/profile/vaginamuseum.bsky.social/...
   * A LOT OF CRISPS - Remember last week we
   mentioned this very newsletter had been sent
   free teabags by an old B3tan who now is the
   social media manager at Yorkshire Tea, well we
   also have a social media manager in the B3tan
   ranks who works at Seabrook crisps. We've now
   got 96 bags of crisps. Thanks Seabrook, this
   will improve our middle-aged waistline.
 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:hpjse36yorgmic7iv...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to kick you off
   * INVENT NEW CARD GAMES - We invented a game in
   the pub. Charcardes, Charades with playing
   cards. You have to mime the card you pick up.
   But with no mime repeats. So yeah fine you can
   hold up three fingers once, for three, but no
   one can again. Gets tough/funny a few cards in
   when you're looking for the 7th way to signal
   Clubs.
   * BLUESKY VIBES CHECK - we've got a theory that
   you can work out how "bad vibes" an account is
   on BlueSky by comparing the amount of people who
   block an account to the amount of people who
   follow it. So say an account with 100 followers
   and 5 blocks, is 5% bad vibes, and probably ok,
   whereas someone with 100 followers and 30 blocks
   is 30% bad vibes and probably a bad egg.
   * GROKBLOCK - a browser plug-in that replaces
   any link to Elon's terrible AI assault on
   Wikipedia, with a link to the real Wikipedia,
   plus throws in some insulting animations of Elon
   Puss just to annoy him.
   Send us some stuff, and we'll take a look at it.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Crisps - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Remember you TOO can contribute to the Patreon,
   it means your editor can write this damn thing
   nearly every Friday for 24 years.
 http://patreon.com/b3ta
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "BUY A CASIO F-91W, INSTEAD" FESSHOLE
   "My new Apple Watch lighting up to say 'it looks
   like you're working out' when I'm in the middle
   of a particularly challenging poo, marks a new
   low in my life."

   next issue »
   « previous issue
   Newsletter
   We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net.

   _____________________ [ go ]
   --------------------
   THIS WEEKS HEADLINES
   --------------------

   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

   READ LATEST ISSUE
   archive