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 * JESUS FUCKING CHRIST - it's a swearing Bible
 * NEW IMAGE CHALLENGE - two authors, one book
 * CARTOONS - is Gary 'Farside' Larson back?
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by sending thoughts and
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  prayers to dev/null"
 B3ta newsletter e-mail 966 - 27th Oct 2025
 Read this issue in your head like a podcast:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue966
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
   Other than making their pee pees painful
   * THE BIBLE, NOT NOW WITH SWEARING. Dave Bagpuss
   writes, "Introducing THE FUCKING BIBLE – bible
   verses, with added fucks. It is a little project
   that I've had running quietly for a while now." 
   If you'd like an example post: "And lo a voice
   from heaven, saying, This is my fucking beloved
   Son, in whom I am well pleased. -- Matthew 3:17"
   Apologies if reading this makes you go to hell,
   we're not responsible for the acts of God.
 https://bsky.app/profile/thefuckingbible.bsky.soci...
   * JOEL VETICH IS DOING A GIG - the sound of the
   mid noughties is back as Joel returns to his
   bullshit doing another 7 Seconds Of Love gig at
   the New Cross Inn in that London. We'll try and
   make it down, as we missed the last one as it
   clashed with some family stuff. Looking forward
   to hearing the classics: First Twink Of The Day,
   Poopy George has got a Poop on his Head and the
   one about eating an enormous amount of kelp and
   falling asleep on a bus.
 https://www.seetickets.com/event/7-seconds-of-love...
   * IT'S THE YEAR 2000 IN SOUND, STEREOPHONIC
   SOUND - Centuries of Sound dude has stepped
   outside the time zone doing his normal mash ups
   based in the dim and distant past, and done
   something with music we recognise in it from
   2000. Including Cassetteboy, Chris Morris and S
   Club 7.
 https://centuriesofsound.com/2025/10/20/2000-part-...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
   You know the clothes bit
   Each week we beg you to buy some Hebtro clothes,
   to dress yourselves smartly, and what do you do?
   Actually B3ta has no idea as we just write some
   copy and have no access to Hebtro's sales
   figures but hopefully some of you do. It's all
   made in the UK, to the highest standards and
   dressing in their togs will make you look as
   cool as fuck, or as least cooler than dressing
   at George from ASDA, like your B3ta editor.
 https://hebtro.co/new/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : FESSHOLE
   Confessions of a Windows 3.1 cccleaner
   Each week you spew up some funny lies mixed in
   with some less funny truths and we post out a
   few for likes on this new fangled social media
   thing (it'll never catch on, forums will rise
   again). Here's three that make us briefly feel
   less dead inside:
   * UNDER PRESSURE - "I have the most pointless
   job on earth where it contributes nothing to
   society. I write best practice docs that no-one
   reads, but we must have them in case we get
   audited. I wrote a best practice seven yrs ago
   that contained lyrics from Ice Ice Baby & still
   no-one has noticed."
   * SHIT OFF, TIM FROM WHETHERSPOONS - "I'm a
   landlord of a pub. Have spun a story that a
   major literary figure used to drink at my inn
   back in the 1700s. Completely untrue, but
   tourists love to visit the pub and sit in his
   'seat'. All bollocks, but it's great for
   business."
   * WORK / LIFE BALANCE - "My mum hates my boss
   because it's been years since I've been able to
   turn up for a family holiday without getting at
   least one work call that requires me to step out
   for a couple hours to sort something. She still
   hasn't figured out it's actually my mate Steve
   helping me out."
 http://facebook.com/fesshole
   Oh come to the shows. Liverpool and Leeds for
   sale plus Anon Opin in the Londons.
 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
   There's still a week to buy the yellow book for
   99p on Kindle, and we've just bought 10 of the
   red book on Ebay for about £30 to top up our
   supply so we can start giving away a few at the
   live shows again as we'd run out of our
   publisher copies.
 https://amazon.co.uk/s
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BRIEF
   "Urls! Urls! Urls!" by Motley Crue dot org
   * CAN YOU DRIBBLE A PINT OF BLACK LIQUID?
   Practise pouring a pint of the black stuff using
   your phone's motion detection. Should have made
   it so you get to make a White Russian if you
   turn dark mode off - measure your cocktail
   shaking ability instead.
 https://simondarcyonline.com/perfect-pint/
   * BORED OF THE RING BINDERS - A load of
   illustrators have got together to make a very
   long flipbook celebrating Peter Jackson's first
   ever boring film, The Lord Of The Rings. Still
   time to get involved if you're a doodler looking
   for a project.
 https://lotr.andymation.com/
   * WORD FOR WINDOWS - W****e of the week is this
   game whose simplicity means you can also play it
   in your head when trying to turn off THE
   THOUGHTS when lying in bed. Make the longest
   word chain by using the last two letters of the
   previous word to start the new one. Harder than
   you'd think.
 https://wordchainer.com/
   * IS 'THE FAR SIDE' BACK? Pleased to see Gary
   Larson is drawing again, he doesn't promise he's
   going to do much of it, and probably people
   getting too excited might put him off. But it's
   the iPad, the iPad that's made him enjoy drawing
   again. All we need now is for someone to buy
   Bill Watterson an Amstrad CPC464 with a copy of
   GPaint.
 https://www.thefarside.com/new-stuff/
   * GAY SEX PLAY SET FOR KIDS, NO IT'S A JOKE,
   C'MON - In films we're secretly fond of,
   Cruising (1980) is a must if you like films that
   are somewhat problematic, if fascinating, so we
   were delighted to learn someone had made a
   sketch riffing on the idea of a tie-in game for
   kids.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * BUY OLD KRAFTWERK GEAR -  Florian Schneider
   stuff is up for auction. Fred Zeppelin writes,
   "As odd, gorgeous, quirky and expensive as you'd
   expect." If only we were rich and had a big
   house for all this stuff.
 https://www.juliensauctions.com/en/auctions/the-fl...
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 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   More Educational Posters for Hospitals
   Ok, last week you mostly grumbled that the
   challenge was shit, so lets shift through them
   and pick out some good ones, and stop moaning,
   Monkeon worries his hair out trying to run these
   challenges and he needs you to be nice to him.
   * 'A J Green' has given the Scots another reason
   to regret the union act of 1707
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422145
   * 'NINJ' has made an image that'll probably get
   us booted off BlueSky
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422121
   * 'BRB' has stuck the boot in complaining about
   the challenge, and fair enough, it's true, we
   could have picked a better one and that's on
   your editor who suggested it.
 https://b3ta.com/board/11422189
   * See all the other images from the 'More
   Educational Posters for Hospitals' challenge:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/moreeducationalpostersfo...
   >> This week: Two Authors One Book <<
   Let's halve the size of our bookshelves by
   combining any two books into one. 1984 : A Space
   Odyssey by George Orwell and Arthur C. Clarke -
   that sort of thing.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/twoauthorsonebook/popula...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
   Follow-ups on old stories
   * YOUR EDITOR GETS FREE TEABAGS - 2,500 teabags
   turned up at the official B3ta residence, thanks
   to Yorkshire Tea, and also basically thanks to
   the social media being run by an old reader of
   this very newsletter. Thanks Tom, twenty-four
   years of newsletter has finally paid off. BTW:
   if you, dear reader, want to send us free stuff,
   honestly we're up for it.
 https://www.facebook.com/fesshole/posts/pfbid02wrQ...
   * HOW DID CRISP SANDWICH DAY GO - This wooshed
   by this weekend and it's a handy reminder to eat
   some crisps, and also maybe inspire you to
   create your own themed day. We've occasionally
   pondered about making up a national swearing day
   but can't really be fucked, however, instead you
   can see that yes, very many people did join in.
 https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT
   Previews of coming stuff from B3tans
   * BACK TO THE EGG(POD) - Chris Shaw is working
   on a follow-up podcast to his Beatles 'I Am The
   Eggpod' one and he says "If I am the EggPod was
   my Pet Sounds, this new one will be my Smile. By
   which I mean I'll endure a massive nervous
   breakdown and won't release it for another 37
   years. Or, preferably, it'll be out early next
   year."
 https://bsky.app/profile/eggpod.bsky.social/post/3...
   * HYPING THE TYPE-IN - Matt Round is *still*
   working on his "type-ins magazine" and in
   showing us a little bit of leg, he's revealed a
   crop of the cover. Although we're still sore he
   rejected our title for the mag "View Source".
 https://bsky.app/profile/mattround.com/post/3m3x5n...
   * THE DEATH BOOK IS COMING - Chris Barker is
   bringing out a "Sgt Pepper 10 years
   commemorative book" and has made, to get you
   excited, a video previewing it and the option to
   get notified for the kick starter. The hype
   train cometh. Choo choo!
 https://bsky.app/profile/christhebarker.bsky.socia...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
   Some ideas to start you making shit
   * CONSERVATIVE PARTY TAKEOVER - "Given the age
   of what little membership the Tory Party has
   left, I think it is ripe for takeover by Dadaist
   entryists as a prank." Credit to John Higgs of
   KLF book fame for this, as he suggested it, and
   if it happens, it's all his fault.
   * OBI-WAN KIWIBI - "Recreate the Ewok scenes
   from Return of the Jedi using Kiwi fruit"
   suggests Happy Toast.
   * CROWD-SOURCED SOLUTIONS FOR A PROBLEM CALLED
   'PRINCE ANDREW' - cutting off the public purse
   means he's susceptible from offers from say Elon
   Musk to be some sort of court jester to
   embarrass UK, but not cutting him off means the
   public is constantly furious. What can be done?
   Listen you fucks, create, because the opposite
   of creation is death. Hmm, that sounds a bit
   grumpy. Create because it's fun. Then tell us
   about it, tell us all your crazy dreams.
 https://b3ta.com/mailus
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   We love all these people. Almost romantically.
   *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
   MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
   JAMES* *STOOBERT*
   24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
   EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
   LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
   ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
   Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
   lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
   Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
   Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
   Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
   Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
   blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
   Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
   Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
   Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
   Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
   Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
   H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
   Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
   Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
   Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
   Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
   Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
   McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
   Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
   Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
   Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
   Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
   Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
   mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
   OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
   Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
   Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
   pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
   Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
   RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
   sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
   McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
   Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
   Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
   Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
   Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
   Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
   Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
   Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
   Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
   Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
   Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
   James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
   Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
   Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
   Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
   Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
   Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
   Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
   Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
   Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
   Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
   Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
   Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
   STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
   Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
   Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
   Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
   Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
   Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
   Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
   Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
   Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
   Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
   Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
   FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
   Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
   Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
   Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
   madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
   Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
   Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
   Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
   Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
   Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
   Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
   Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
   Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
   Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
   Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
   Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
   Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
   EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
   additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
   help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
   by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Swastika Jockstrap - Kat)
   And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
   Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
   Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
   Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
   NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
   Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
   Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
   Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
   Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
   Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
   Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
   Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
   love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
   - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
   Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
   Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
   and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
   McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
   Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
   PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
   Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
   the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
   to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
   appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
   Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
   Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
   Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
   YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
   Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
   you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
   Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
   THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
   BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
   JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
   and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
   Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
   double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
   Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
   Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
   YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
   AND new thanks to atomic.
   Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
 https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : BONUS "B3TA BUSINESS MODEL EXPOSED" FESSHOLE
   "Window cleaner comes to collect £5 every 2
   weeks, usually on friday when I'm off work.
   Recently I noticed the windows were filthy. Said
   I will complain to him. My wife said we don't
   have a window cleaner. Turns out I've been
   getting conned by a local addict known as Karl
   the crackhead."

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   * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS
   * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES
   * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS

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